Thread: Tell me about approaching girls

Well depends on where you are. You can generally guess what someone is up to based on where they go.

For example if you are at collage, talk about some school related subject. If you are in a music shop bring up music. If you are at a political rally, bring up world affairs.

Originally Posted by slayer

"How 'bout that weather?" doesn't seem very good...

Doesn't seem good, no. But it is. If there's one thing you've gotta remember, it's that any little bit of conversation - no matter how trivial - will clue a girl (or any person, really) in as to what kind of person you are. After all, wouldn't it seem a little creepy to just jump right into the deeper conversations without first making small talk? Like just walking up to someone and randomly asking "So, what do you like to do?" Seems creepy to me, personally, so I wouldn't attempt that at first.

The key thing would be to talk about things that probably affect her in some way, hence the reason why the weather thing is good. Telling her something like "Pretty miserable weather we've been seeing this past week, don't you think?" will probably prompt her to respond something like "It certainly does suck, now I've gotta cancel my soccer game...", which will in turn prompt you to delve into deeper questions: "Oh, you're an athlete? Nice. You got a favorite soccer team?" etc., etc., etc.

In short, start small and keep it going. Find ways to branch off into different topics that appear to interest her, and eventually she may take interest in you.

Originally Posted by slayer

Ok so, theoretical situation, I approach a girl I think looks cute and I want to talk to her.

I walk up to girl and say, "Hi, how are you?" or something like that. Then what?

She's obviously going to tell me if she's feeling good or not, but that doesn't leave much room to go off of. Certainly I'm not going to bring up a topic about world affairs or anything like that to get a conversation going, but what might I say to her to spark a conversation?

"How 'bout that weather?" doesn't seem very good...

Approaching girls you don't know out of the blue is pretty damn hard (unless you're at a bar). If only you have SOMETHING to work with, it'll make your job much much easier. If somehow you already knew each others' names or spoken to them once a couple years earlier. This works well if you're in a school or something, but if you meet the girl outside somewhere or in another city, you'll have to start from scratch.

In this case open with something she shouldn't feel uneasy at all about answering (like asking her for help to get somewhere). Unfortunately for some, you really have to rely on your looks here because the girl won't know your personality at all, and she'll be far more responsive to cute/hot guys. At some point right after breaking the ice, exchanging names and a handshake is a good idea. If you have a lot of time to talk (like if you're both waiting for something), subtly exchange interests and see if you have any compatible ones.

Success pretty much lies in the kind of girl you approach. Don't approach ones that are in a group/with friends or that are moving or look busy. Even if a girl is alone, she might have a boyfriend or not be interested in having one, so it's important to give off a friendly vibe only (you won't be friend-zoned in the first 15 minutes).

I agree with everything Spartiate said except the part about groups. I think it's easier to pick up women if they're in a group. They're safer, so she'll be more relaxed and more talkative. What to talk about depends on where you are. Where are you trying to pick up girls? The weather thing is kind of lame, unless you're in the park or something.

Lol, i've used the "Pretty crazy weather we're having huh?" line in a bookstore before. I looked at the ceiling as i said it, made it an ice breaker, got her to laugh out of confusion.

Pull some ninjutsu and listen (without giving yourself away) to how she acts in public, and her sense of humor. Then play off that.... though i usually just attempt to humor them then move the conversation to slightly more serious conversations based on what she seems passionate about. I find a bookstore a good place to pick up smart, interesting women as you can easily notice her interests by the things she browses (may take some practice to notice when the girl is browsing something new to her and looking at a favorite genre/series). The smartest move you can make is to NEVER show discouragement if it falls through. Smile and look like it worked anyways, then if you ever see her again you've got something to talk about, instead of thinking "damn, she turned me down, look away LOOK AWAY!"

a confident and interesting aura will usually incite a positive conversation resulting with a nice ending to it. Don't plan the convo, just let it happen, but don't hesitate with sentences, honestly think about the next thing your going to say so it doesn't come out "i like blue socks" and she's like WTF?!

I'm no expert on the subject (believe it or not, I can be pretty shy, at times. ), but I do know that it's more of a case of "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." Confidence goes a long way, no matter how you try to break the ice. Show some humor, even if you're asking her a serious question like "are you single?" do it with a bit of playfulness, and show her that you're not being too creepy/serious. You're just having a good time, but are obviously interested in her.

indeed

you get one chance to be:

this guy:
slayer


or this guy:

Eh, it's really not all that tough. I posted this in another thread, can't be bothered to type it all out again.

Talking to girls is just as easy as, if not easier than, talking to guys, man. Basically, just remember that girls are people, too. Next time you're out somewhere and see a gorgeous girl, go up to her and strike up a conversation. If you can't think of what to say, don't give a damn. You're not talking to her to demonstrate your superior conversational ability.

Maybe she's got a cool green scarf, or a Pacman t-shirt (that you should be so lucky). Ask her about it, relate to it. If there's nothing you can notice to relate to, try a simple but intriguing opener (not a pick-up line, heaven forbid). The good old, "I need a female opinion on something really quick. Can you help?" approach is a good one. It can be anything, from a predicament a friend of yours might be in, to what you should get your mom for her birthday. Be creative.

Unless you're just incredibly nervous and stumble all over yourself, that'll be enough to get a conversation going and allow you to keep it up for a bit. Give yourself a time constraint, though, so you won't run out of something to say. Tell her you can't talk long, that you need to get back to your friends. This gives you an opportunity to ask for her email or phone number, too, in order to continue the conversation at a later time. If she's interested, you'll get it. If not, you haven't lost anything.

Be confident. Take a deep breath before you walk over to her, feel the breath pooling in your abdomen as energy, then exhale powerfully, feeling that energy shooting up your spine and through the top of your head. Keep your chin up, shoulders back a bit, chest out, back straight. Walk relaxed, but not loose. Make eye contact, but you don't have to hold it the whole time. Be yourself, but be the best bits of yourself.

Speak clearly, enunciate your words, and try to convey your confidence and masculinity in your voice. You can do this by intentionally speaking just a bit deeper than usual. Don't rush your words. Go with the flow of the conversation. Don't talk about yourself too much, but do relate things she says to your social life. Not what you think about when you're alone, or what your parents did to you for getting caught smoking weed, but things you've done with friends. Don't brag; mention any skills or feats of yours in an off-hand manner, just referencing them, and only if it relates.

Be in charge of the conversation, lead it where you want it to go, but pay attention to what she's saying—with her words, with her tone, with her body language—and try to notice the cues. Don't introduce yourself. If she wants to know your name, she'll ask, and that tells you she's starting to get interested. Does she want to know if you have a job? She's more interested. Don't show interest in her until she shows interest in you. Let her earn your interest, just as she wants you to have to earn hers.

Don't be afraid to kid around, poke a little fun at her, be playful. You're not going to scare her off by playfully asking her what made her think those red Chucks were still in style. Quite the opposite, if your tone is right. Don't be afraid to throw a little BS her way and see if she'll fall for it or call you on it. Tell her about the time you were attacked by a pod of dolphins and a shark saved your life, with as serious a look on your face as you can manage. With the right delivery, she'll want to get to know you better. Above all, be interesting, but not strange. Be different, but not creepy. Be yourself, and don't be afraid of rejection. You're not planning to marry her. Learn from any mistakes you make.

Oh, and don't be afraid to walk away when your time limit is up. If you haven't already got a number, and you don't feel like you'd get it in the next minute, walk away. Or just go for it and ask, and whatever her answer, walk away. Though, sometimes, if she hesitates at giving a total stranger her number, you can just say, "It'll be okay. Write it on this." You never know till you try.

Bottom line: there's nothing to fear here.

Speak clearly, enunciate your words, and try to convey your confidence and masculinity in your voice. You can do this by intentionally speaking just a bit deeper than usual.

Similarly, flex all of your muscles at all times, even your face muscles. Women are attracted to strong, flexy faces. It will likewise give you a very scowly, determined look that lets her know that you are focused (try to avoid blinking as well) and serious. Usually you can get away with not flexing your leg muscles when you walk, since most of the time people will not be looking at your legs and if you're a REAL MAN (or hope to ever be one) you aren't wearing no tight girly pants anyway. Your arms must never relax, though, especially while walking. Did you ever notice how most people swing their arms a bit while they walk? That's because they aren't REAL MEN. About half of them aren't even male at all. This is a mistake. It conveys a sense of limpness and softness, which is very much against your aim. Your entire body should be tense to the point of near immobility. This might seem like a bad thing, but it's actually good. "Immobility" is a metaphor for solid, well-founded and strong. "I cannot move" is perceived as "I cannot BE moved" which shows reliability. REAL MEN are so tense because everything they do has a specific purpose. Their limbs move when they need to get something done, and do not idly meander about searching for meaning. It is true of their limbs and it is true of their entire lives. Girls will pick up on this. Also she might think "Why is this guy so overbearingly tense? Why is he making that face at me?" Mystery is intriguing. Breathe loudly. This is something people often overlook, but it is very important. Women are attracted to athletic men. A subtle way of showing of your athleticism is by demonstrating your lung capacity in an audible fashion. It may imply that you are a swimmer. Or maybe a singer, which is not the sign of a REAL MAN if you ask me, but girls generally like that anyway, so... Anyway, the idea is to just be yourself, albeit a highly modified and specialized version of yourself that does not exist in any other context or without significant conscious effort on your part, which is further distorted augmented by tips you've received from strangers over the internet.

Markus Maximus, I love you.

In a manly sort of way, obviously.

My favourite place to pick up women is actually the gym. Endorphins are already running high, so you both feel good, which gives you confidence and her a good feeling.

I agree with bookstores though, occasionally I'll talk to a girl there because they are intellectually stimulating. Good girlfriend material, whereas bars are more hot fling material, I find gym girls a good combination of both.

Originally Posted by MementoMori

Pull some ninjutsu

You mean use a pressure point and drag her back to your place while she's unconscious? That's more of a felony than an effective pickup strategy.

Originally Posted by ninja9578

That's more of a felony than an effective pickup strategy.

Tomato / Tomahto.