Timothy Paradox

Some stuff happened and someone said my theme song is Candy Dulfer's 'Lily Was Here'.

In the next dream me and a group of people were desperately trying to escape a house to get away from a homicidal maniac. I tried the back door leading to the garden (now I realize the layout was from the place my family used to live) but it was blocked by plastic. The other people near me immediately gave up and started looking for another way, but I kept tearing at the plastic until I could open the door. But then for some reason, I went back into what is the kitchen in real life, and together with another person, attacked the homicidal maniac. The killer was a woman, and I think she wore white face paint. She did not expect her victims to fight back. I stabbed her multiple times, and shot her with my gun. Even after she was down, I kept shooting.

I had a lot more of these waking hallucinations I've been having since two days ago. I remember little of their content, but they all felt so... significant. Like it's not supposed to be able to happen. I recall a remote viewing event, wanting to know the time and 'seeing' a clock through my closed eyes, and more cool shenanigans. I had an amazing degree of control over their content. Like I was controlling the story through my fantasies, fantasies that manifested themselves right in front of me. Like I was the character and 'director' of my dream at the same time.

There was a moment I fantasized about meeting 'her'. The scene that unfolded in front of me was me walking up to a stage, manned by a full crew (like light and sound guys, stuff like that). I thought I'd prefer some privacy for an encounter like this, but I went along with in, anyway. I approached what looked like a wooden shape of an airplane (?) on the set. I couldn't see her, but knew 'she' was in the right seat. I took the seat next to her.

The story continued and went off some wild tangent, and I wondered if I hadn't strayed too far from the original plot.

One of the hallucinations turned a bit violent. Some guy did something that made me very angry, and I think I somehow got him onto the ground. I woke up feeling such intense hatred, adrenaline literally coursing through my veins. The hallucination turned to mere fantasy as I woke. I fantasized about smashing his skull to bits with a baseball bat. As my awareness of the real world got stronger, the hate subsided and I calmed down.

Another hallucination happened while I was listening to the newest album of Carbon Based Lifeforms. I went from dream to wakefulness so sudden, I could 'hear the silence', and suddenly regaining my hearing and hearing the music. Like my consciousness went 'online' a second or so before my hearing did.

In another dream I was being flown around a tropical environment (I think it was supposed to be the Miami area, but it looked 'flooded' and primitive somehow. Somewhat post-apocalyptic yet fully inhabited. Watching the other guy fly somehow made me realize I could do it myself. I was in the water (hard to explain again, water surrounded by shanty town houses/buildings, and had to scale a high wall. The others just flew up and over it, but I had trouble taking off from the water. I found a chair, partially submerged and attached to a wall, and decided to climb on it to give me a little boost. That's when I woke up.

In in some kind of high-tech base, attacking the control room held by Italian fascists. I killed everybody in there, but was then attacked by reinforcements coming from an outdoor corridor linking the allied and axis headquarters (architecture is once again almost impossible to explain). One of them possibly controlled some kind of mech suit. Anyway, they were all dead in the end. I crossed the corridor and went into the other headquarters. Once again, more fascists. But these guys didn't know I was the enemy yet, and the guards greeted me as if I was a friend. I think I realized I forgot something and decided to 'load the game' to get to the previous HQ faster. Instead of ending up in the room full of dead fascists, the corpses had despawned and the room was now occupied by allies. One of these allies, however, angrily told me I wasn't allowed to be here. I said I liberated this room just a few minutes earlier, and that that should earn me at least 15 seconds to do what I needed to do here. Nope. A big black guy easily two heads taller than me (and muscles like a body builder) told me to 'get out, or else'. Slightly stunned, I obeyed. It didn't sit well with me, though. Not at all. I was fuming, in fact. I went back inside, and attacked the guy whom I felt had insulted me. I knew he was armed (I wasn't), but I had the element of surprised so he couldn't draw. We wrestled for a bit. He was strong, stronger than me, but I appeared to possess skill in martial arts (looked like Jiu Jitsu), as I used techniques I do not master in real life. I used his strength against him to force him to the ground. I reached for his shotgun and took it. After some more wrestling, I managed to aim it for his head and pull the trigger. The 'click' sound told me there were no shells in the chamber. He laughed, thinking he'd won. I inserted a shell, and racked the slide. He reached for the weapon, hoping to turn it against me. It didn't work. I had the gun aimed for his head, and was ready to pull the trigger when I woke up.

The dream faded, and I fantasized about the shot blowing his head off. I hadn't really thought it through, though. If I killed him, wouldn't all the other allied forced immediately kill me, considering they were all armed? Perhaps I didn't care, as this felt like a video game, anyway.

Notes say 'heroes in city', not sure what that refers to. I do vaguely remember some kind of 'time portal' in a wall (an ancient Japanese wall, with gorgeous paintings). There was a soundtrack. At some point Hiro Nakamura shows up (comes back from the past or future), but with prosthetic limbs, and a coffee machine on his head?

Second dream. Dad being a dick again and talking shit about me because the model airplanes I made as a child look like shit in his opinion. He says I'm as lazy as my "good-for-nothing brother". I feel powerless and enraged by it. I fantasized about murdering the shit out of him by ripping off his head. That's what tends to happen when I feel powerless. It's like I become a cornered wild animal. I get really, really mad. I woke up breathing rapidly, still upset. And disturbed by the level of imaginary violence I just unleashed on someone who did nothing to me in real life, and I'm supposed to love.

I was playing some kind of open world game. I could see down from the edge of the map, where I could see another map far below. I wanted to glide down (like in Guild Wars 2) there but I was too scared. It was a big drop. Easily several miles.

Notes say "stabbing guy in house, while trapped". No idea what it means. Guess I went medieval on some guy again?

Kind of embarrassing, this one. I had somehow pissed all over myself. I was in a big house. I desperately wanted to shower it off, but there were people in the mansion constantly annoying me and asking me to go with them so I had to conceal the fact I'd pissed all over myself. Good times.

Earliest memory of the dream is a firefight in a parking lot at night. I was firing on two other guys with a shotgun, and before that with a carbine. I was very annoyed they wouldn't die despite hitting them at point-blank range. They escaped in a vehicle. Not content to give up the chase, I break into a car myself, hotwire it, and pursue them. This all felt very much like a video game, like GTA V. Anyway, I'm racing through the streets, trying to find them. I'm driving a big rig now, with a massive and sharp "scoop" mounted on the front. I see my victims. I think they drove into a wall and were stuck. I went full speed and smashed into them as hard as I could. The scoop went right through their windows (their car was a kind of armored van now?), quite possibly killing them all there and then. I rammed them a few more times to make sure. Suddenly my truck was gone, and I was on foot, holding the crushed car in my hand (it was really small all of a sudden?) and smashing it into walls and the ground in a fit of extreme rage. Their car was little more than a flat sheet of crushed metal now, covered in blood. Someone else was with me now. I realized we had to bail before the cops spotted us. As I ran off I could see a car approaching on the street, but I don't think it was a cop.

I have some more vague flashes of earlier dreams, but nothing even remotely coherent. A food stand? A long road in the countryside? A part of a "Serious Sam" level?

I was in an industrial-looking environment. I don't remember why, but I tossed a bottle of compressed gas (air, or something more explosive) at two welders. The bottle exploded and presumably killed one of them. Or at least knocked him out. The other one, a woman, followed me into another room and attacked me. There was a brief fight, and then I beat her to death using a kind of stick. Turns out 'she' was transsexual.

In a slightly less horrific dream, I felt guilt over going to the movies because I have no job at the moment. That dream isn't even a dream, it's just reality.

Should not have watched scenes of this movie, haha! I was in a gun battle with several other people. Two men were shooting at each other, and I was firing my pistol at one of them (he had his back to me). He had a health bar. He was down to 9% health, and my hits (I was definitely hitting him) did no damage, so I suspected "hax". Then at one point two more people attacked me from the left. I grabbed a shotgun and fired on them, but probably missed. Also typical, I found it very hard to pull the trigger of my pistol. This *always* happens in my gun dreams. Triggers are impossible to pull. I didn't get killed, but woke up nevertheless. Let's call it a draw?

Another dream in which I have to go back to high school... it never ends. This time though, it didn't feel like a nightmare. I felt okay with it.
I also recall having a heartfelt conversation with one of my former bullies, Max. That was nice.

Awful dream. I was holding a kitten in one hand. I wanted to cause myself emotional pain by hurting the innocent, and losing my own innocence in the process. I wanted to do something awful, knowing it would hurt me. I repeatedly stabbed the little kitten with a knife...

This dream featured me breaking into some kind of facility, and killing guards who got in my way. I used a pistol on most of them, quickly dispatching them with headshots. Then I got to a long corridor, where I was attacking by a pretty tall and muscular guy. For some reason I could not use my pistol, so I pulled out a knife and fought him that way. I ended up stabbing him pretty brutally in the neck (and in his body, I stabbed him several times)... which wasn't easy because he had the size advantage. While this was happening, I had visions of events that were happening in the adjacent room. Best way to describe the experience is "having two dreams at the same time". One is the dream I just described, featuring myself as main character, in the other I was "the camera", viewing a scene in the room next door...

So, in this scene, I saw the large room accessed through the corridor in which I was fighting. It was an operating room, but a very large one, with a high ceiling. *REDACTED* was on the operating table, possibly naked. Doctors were taking samples from her nails, I think... At this point she was dead. They took her body to a morgue in the room next door (south of this room, my corridor was to the west). I felt terrible, knowing what they'd done to her, but this wouldn't stop me from getting to her and making things right. Sadly, I never got to bust into that operating room. The dream ended there.