New Dream Adventures of Raven Knight

2017, 05-04

Voices in the Night

I am lying in my own bed, completely unaware that I am dreaming. I am just lying there in the dark, but it feels like there is someone there with me in the dark. I stay still, I don’t really want to let whoever it is know that I am awake. I lie there for a bit longer and I think I am about to fall asleep when I hear a voice. It is a male voice speaking loud and clear, the voice also sounds like it might be mechanical or a recording, or maybe a digitally altered voice. It says the same thing three times in a row. “Go kill yourself. Go kill yourself. Go kill yourself.” I can also feel something in the room moving around in the darkness, I can’t really explain how, but I feel something there. And I become very angry at whoever or whatever is in the room with me. I respond to this anger by letting out a stream of expletives that is way beyond the words I am normally likely to use, focused mostly around the ‘F’ word. “F$@% off, you f$@%ers! F$@% you! Go f$@% yourself, you f$@%ing piece of f$@%! F$@% you and the f$@%ing horse you rode in on! Did your f$@%ing horse come up with this plan? It’s way too complicated for a f$@%ing idiot like you!” My cursing continued for a bit longer, repeating the part about telling them to go f$@% themselves. I can practically feel a presence of someone standing right beside my bed and moving around me, but then I wake up and all is normal.

10/20/14

Note: It has been a long time since I have posted a dream. I have been having some serious issues with depression and I have been unable to remember most of my dreams and mostly not cared about the ones I have remembered. I think I am breaking out of the darkness of depression now and I will try to post dreams more often again.

Fall Into Darkness
I am somewhere I don’t recognize, but I don’t really care about that. I feel awful. I hurt inside, my depression is giving me serious problems right now. I don’t really notice anything going on around me, just the pain inside. I finally pull myself to my feet and I look around. The room I’m in looks abandoned. It looks like whoever had been here left in a bit of chaos. It looks like it used to be an office of some kind but now it is trashed. There is some broken computer equipment lying by a desk that is almost broken in half, papers are strewn everywhere, and none of the lights are working, leaving the room only illuminated by a street light outside the window. I don’t pay too much attention to the setting, however, I walk over to the window and look out.

The window has been broken and I am able to step right out onto the ledge. I see there is a city outside, but there aren’t many lights on even though it is night time. I look down and see I am a long way up in what must be a skyscraper. There are people way down there, though there is something odd about the way they’re moving. Because of how I am feeling, however, I don’t pay too much attention to the people down below. I am just hurting so much inside. I know things will never get any better. I’m no good to anyone, and I’m no good to myself, there is only one way to escape such pain. So with absolutely no hope in my broken and dying heart I step off of the ledge and feel myself falling into the comforting embrace of death…

But no… that doesn’t happen. I fall for a bit and then I feel I am being lifted back up into the air. It feels almost like flying, which is an exhilarating feeling compared to the crushing depression I felt just seconds before. I notice that someone has put their arms around me. Someone has snatched me right out of the air, taking me into a strong and comforting embrace… and we are flying! Or it certainly feels like flying… maybe it was just a really high jump because the next thing I notice is that my rescuer and I land safely on the roof of a building next to the one I jumped from. My rescuer sets me down and now I am able to turn around and see who it is. I turn around and find myself staring directly into the blue eyes of Alex Mercer from Prototype.

From the look in his eyes it appears Alex is a mix of concerned and annoyed. He asks what I was thinking when I did something that foolish, do I want to die? I tell him that was the general idea. I tell him there really is no reason for me to continue. He looks at me for a bit longer and then asks if I even realize that I’m dreaming. He says he knows I can’t really die in a dream, but do I really want to? I stop for a bit and look at him, trying to comprehend the idea that I am just dreaming now. The pain inside has faded a lot now that I am here with Alex. He takes me into his arms and says he would love for me to be able to come to the dream state permanently so we could be together more, but not like that. He said he only wants that to happen when it is my time, he doesn’t want to see my life end like that, there is still too much that I can do in my current home world. I tell him there isn’t any hope. I tell him I can’t do it alone. I can’t face all that is against me all alone. He said I am never really alone, he is right here with me. And so is Altaïr… and Hetfield… and everyone else that is in my inner world. And even in the physical world I have my friends and my mom. I tell him that everything just feels so hopeless. He said he can help me with that… and he’ll no longer take ‘no’ for an answer. He pulls me back into his arms and holds me there, it feels comforting. I don’t even realize that he’s actually consuming me until everything around me fades to black and then I wake up feeling at peace.

01/19/12

Man on a Ledge
I am on top of a building looking out over the city, I have come up here to check out the view from the top of the office building where my new job is. I have finally found a job, though it isn't the exact job I was looking for. I look out over the city and then I see that I'm not alone there. There is a man near the corner of the building, standing right on the ledge. I wonder if he is considering jumping. I see that he has a little girl. He is holding her up in the air and laughing maniacally. Is he going to throw her over the edge?! I have to keep that from happening! I head towards the man to see if I can get him off the ledge. The man leans forward and falls from the ledge. I am close enough to grab hold of his belt to keep him from falling and taking the girl with him. I am surprised at my own strength as I pull him back from the ledge and onto the building. He says that was too close… he thought he was going to fall. I tell him I saw the whole thing, so don't bother lying. The little girl is crying, I am thinking I need to get her to safety and tell the authorities what the man was doing. He needs to see a shrink…

I was in a bedroom that wasn't actually mine, but my waterbed was there along with a few other beds crammed into the room. There were a total of four other people in the room, four beds other than my own, there were two men and two women there, I knew them all as friends. It was larger bedroom than my room IWL, but it was still very crowded with five beds crammed in there. I was lying on my waterbed, fading in and out of sleep, when someone got my attention. It was one of the guys, he was boasting and bragging on how he pwned some mugger that had gone after him, he said he had pulled out his knife and gutted the guy, that sounded a bit violent to me… the worst part was that when he stated he had knifed the mugger in the gut, he drove his knife down into my waterbed, tearing a big hole in the mattress! I was pissed off at him, I told him he was paying for the new mattress, he said the leak was small and could be fixed. I got the leak repair kit out and tried to put a patch on the leak, but it was too big for that. I repeated to the guy that he would be paying for my new mattress.

I thought for a bit, trying to think of the name of the place I went to last time I needed a new waterbed mattress. I was annoyed at the fact I couldn't think of it since it hasn't been that long since I have gotten a new one. I couldn't think of the name, but I opened the phone book to the right spot to find the bed stores. I finally thought of the name… A Bedder Bed… and then I went straight to the phone number for the place. I picked up the phone beside my bed and was going to dial, but there was no dial tone on the phone… I immediately figured someone had forgotten to pay the phone bill. Well, I knew where the place was, so I would just go out and get the mattress. I pointed at the guy who had stabbed my bed, repeating one more time that he would be paying for my new mattress, which would probably be $70 to $90 dollars, so he had better have it ready. With that I got in my car and left the house, which was a place I didn't recognize at all, and headed to the main road.

As I left the house, I reminded myself that the house I had been staying at is downtown, so I would have to drive out from town to get to A Bedder Bed instead of in towards town. I drove along a couple of the roads, was force to take a detour by road construction, and then I proceeded to get completely lost in a really confusing neighborhood before I finally found my way back to the main road. I went to the shopping area where I knew A Bedder Bed was, pulled in to the parking area, and went to park in front of the store… but it was gone! It was seriously closed, there were boards over all of the windows, there were signs on the boarded windows and door that said the place was closed for good. Shit! Where was I supposed to get my waterbed mattress now? I saw what looked like a yard sale in the parking lot, so I went to check it out. There was a man selling off the remaining inventory of A Bedder Bed, so I looked for my mattress. Unfortunately I didn't find one… crap. The man said the stuff in questionable condition was in the trash dumpster out back, so I went there next. I was literally digging through the trash until I found a waterbed mattress that said Super Single, the size of my bed, and was still sealed in its packaging. I just hoped it would be ok.

So I got back in my car and drove back to the house, this time I managed to avoid getting lost. I was thinking I might just go ahead and tell the jerk who had stabbed my bed that he owed me some money, but maybe drop it to a round $50 and said it was a going out of business sale. I was debating as to if that would be an acceptable thing to do or if that would make me an asshole. I parked in front of the house and went in through the carport. There was a guy, not one of the ones from the bedroom earlier, sitting in a car with the engine running. I immediately noticed there was a hose going from the exhaust into the cabin of the car, he was in the process of killing himself! I went to the driver's door and I was going to do something when I realized the window was wide open. Actually, all of the windows were open. I asked the guy what was going on, he said life wasn't worth living so he was putting an end to it. I told him the windows were all open… he said yeah, he'd tried it with the windows closed, but the exhaust had smelled bad, so he opened them so his dying moments wouldn't stink. I figured that obviously he would never successfully kill himself like that. I told him that he was, however, wasting gas and putting off unnecessary air pollution for those of us left behind to deal with… so he should turn off the engine while waiting to die. He said I had a good point, no reason to ruin the environment for those of us left behind, so he turned the engine off. He leaned back in the driver's seat and continued waiting for his suicide attempt to work. I didn't bother telling him his attempt at killing himself was destined to be an epic fail.

I went into the house and looked for my waterbed, I found it was still filled with water. The asshole who had stabbed it was putting one final piece of duct tape on the mattress, which was practically entirely covered with duct tape. It looked like the entire mattress was made from duct tape. The guy looked at me and said my mattress was as good as new, so he wouldn't have to pay for my new one. I told him I didn't think that would hold, but if it did, then I would agree to that. He seemed happy and drank down a beer in one gulp, following it up with a loud burp. I didn't really want to hang out with these people right now, so I went to leave the house again. The guy who had been killing himself met me at the door and said he had decided against suicide. He said it just takes too long, and it's so damn boring! That completed his epic fail at committing suicide. I just shook my head as I walked out the door and woke up.