Recent DJ Posts

My boyfriend and I are going to an ironmongery, as we have some problems with some pipes which don't fit each others. We are laughing loud at some stupid things, then we come in this shop... and there are some people and I recognise a guy I met online in a social network. We talk each other since last Summer, I like him, but we never met for real.
He is with other people. I assume they are his family. There is a blonde blue-eyed girl close to him and I assume she is his gf (whereas I know his girlfriend is brunette). I'm thinking that he is going to recognise me too, but he looks quickly at me and NOTHING!
He is talking animatedly with another guy, similar to him, I think he is his brother. I cannot help but staring at him, hoping he recognises me sooner or later, but nothing... it is frustrating, as I was hoping he liked me.
Then the owner of the shop comes directly to me and asks what I need. The blonde girl complains that he is not respecting the order of arrival of his customers, as her family were already in the shop when we came in.
So I told the owner of the shop that it is true, but he is Spanish and he tells us who he does what he wants in his Spanish shop and, as we are in Spain, he prefers latin customers.
So the girl tries to get the attention of this guy, to solve the situation, and I really hope he will look at me this time, but he keeps to talk excitedly with his brother and the owner starts to flirt with me.
My boyfriend gets mad at me, but I keep to look at that guy.
His gf though intercepts my look and she is about to say something about it. I feel she is going to say it in front of my bf, so I push my bf out of the shop and I feel so sad, as I lost the chance to get to know the guy....

I wasn't lucid at all in this dream, but I need to say that, as usual, I AM behind the dream.
I mean that I often am as a thirdy part, watching at my dreams as I am watching a movie.
Also I really feel what 'the ME' in the dream feels, I share all her emotions, I support her and comment her moves, BUT I can't help her directly, neither change the course of the dreams.
For example, I was deeply supporting her and telling her to do something to get the attention of that guy. But she (ME) is unable to hear me or feel what I feel!
Also, like usual, I (the thirdy part) see incongruities and inconsistencies in the dreams. For example there were a lot of problems with those pipes which didn't fit each others. No one in the dreams knew why the pipes didn't fit. BUT the problems was really stupid to solve as a pipe was square and the other one was rounded!
I could clearly see it and I laughed at that inconsistence, but no one in the dreams were aware, not ME!

SO, someone could tell me please why I can't be lucid, whereas I'm AWARE that there is a part of me who watch at my dreams as it was a movie?

Cat girl
I'm at church, sitting near the back of the sanctuary on the left side. A young woman dressed largely in white walks past me into the sanctuary. She's walking oddly, and I wonder if she's drunk. She walks to the front and onto the raised platform, then goes to a laptop on the left and starts doing something to it. The pastor notices her and tries to shoo her away without disturbing the sermon too much. She turns into an exact copy of my white cat, then somehow jumps through the slats disguising one of the HVAC return vents. I'm concerned - both of my cats are here, and if she's a duplicate of one of them, how will I tell which is my cat and which is the girl?

Now, my wife and I are looking through her stuff. We find something that looks like a screwdriver except with a hex bit on the end; I make some comment about it. Now we're talking about her leaving the building. It'll be tough with all the people here, and if she tries to leave once everyone has left she'll set off the alarm system.

Now I'm looking through the windows towards the parking lot. I see Rebecca R pull up parallel to the church, then an SUV pulls up behind her. I see Rebecca go to the window of the SUV to talk to the occupant, and I realize it's her mother.

I remember something about powders or sprays you can put on the floor that are invisible to normal light but shine under ultraviolet. If you can get someone to walk through the stuff, then you can track them by following the footprints they leave behind. I tell my wife that I think we should spread it around the church to track the girl through the vents to catch her.

Now we're driving through "our neighborhood," looking for the girl. I think it's a waste of time, but my wife thinks it's worthwhile. We start to get further away from actual houses and start to pass rental banquet halls, and I think they're a more likely place for the girl, if only by a hair. Eventually we turn around. On the way back I notice a nicer looking hall. It's one story and fairly boxy, but it's got a couple of pillars outside the front door that improve its appearance.

Dream on night of 3.27.14

i was at my old house in cali on acreage. was trying to figure out how to haul my horses. thinking i can put apollo in the tiny paddock with his injury. wondering why i didnt think of that before. thinking i dont have to ship them if im already back here. then saw my hay trees and some stuff around the property and thought i can grab these when i drive back to texas.

---

at a debate tournament. everyone is there i remember. we all filter in to this pure white room. only people wearing all white are allowed to come inside. for some reason, i am wearing an all white suit and have on white tights and heels. hair dyed white. face and skin painted white. not sure why. walk in and pull out my white mac laptop and start researching for the tournament while my team mates try to find enough white to get in. find my way to a seat and start talking to one of the other debaters. then theres some commotion and my dads band talon is there and they're going to play. but instead of them playing, a guy with an acoustic guitar is sitting there and starts playing and the speaker he has for his voice is cutting in and out. and one of talon band members tries to help him by messing with the cord. and then when its over, hes done singing, one of the girls next to me complains about how this is such a stupid distraction and cant they just leave and i say to her 'why dont u just walk over and smack him in the face then to get him to leave then?' and she gets mad at me.

woke up to the alarm. had trouble sleeping. woke up at 11:39 and couldn't go back to sleep for about an hour. wasnt feeling well.

So yeh after falling asleep I had a dream I was in Stone Harbor and/or in a movie.

Dream - Stone Harbor in Winter, and Overpriced Pizza
I really hate these Stone Harbor dreams sometimes because Stone Harbor is where we vacation every year and I love love LOVE that place, and generally the dream starts out the day we're leaving. This time was no exception, with the implication being that we'd been there for two weeks, and now it was Sunday and we were leaving (I even checked the day on my computer, whoa that's kinda trippy) and were starting to get packed up. I told Ben that we hadn't even done anything this time, not for the whole two weeks: we hadn't gone to the beach, or into town, and now we were leaving? It would be an entire year before we came back here again! At this point Ben corrected me, saying that HE had gone into town and to the beach, or perhaps implying that I had done those things and just didn't remember. I found this incredibly unfair.

There was another bit focusing more on Jess, where she'd been part of a movie or something. That may have been before the Stone Harbor bit, but it still tied in, with us watching her movie at some point. She was a relatively minor character, I think.

There also may have been some tie-in between the movie and our "real life" in Stone Harbor but I don't quiiiiite recall. Like, maybe some of the characters were wandering around the apartment for a little while, being dramatic. But I'm not sure.

Anyway then Jess and I decided to go into town that night, on rollerblades. On ice. For no reason. Which was pretty fun. I somehow managed to master skating uphill in roller blades over ice while near the water (which I recall being ... somehow very striking). However, the risk of falling in made me a bit uncomfortable, so we decided to move a street over and head back down.

On this street there was a more lively feel, as though it were daylight, perhaps, although it probably wasn't. It was still pretty icy and I had to be careful, but although we were going downhill it didn't FEEL like it was going downhill. Also, where the street would normally be, right at the edge of the sidewalk with no railing, was a deep channel with ice at the bottom, where various ice skaters were happily skating. Close by, a bridge connected the two adjacent sidewalks. Jess was, at first, unconvinced that such a large safety hazard would be allowed to exist like that, but when she neared the edge she realized that not only was the sidewalk around there icy, yes, there were no safety precautions at all.

At this point I got hungry! And I'm pretty sure this is a first in my dreams. It led me to decide to wander into a nearby pizza store that sort of doubled as a fairy tale store place. A strong fairy tale theme, where one would normally expect a beach theme. It was run by a young lady and her macho male assistant, who was a pretty cool guy I suppose. In waking life he probably would've been considered borderline insane.

So yeah I went in there and decided to order a slice of pizza. She said if I had a slice of pizza from another place, I could take advantage of her "two for $6" bargain, or something like that, and get a slice of her pizza for $3. I did not have a slice of pizza from another place but nevertheless I somehow managed to give that impression up until the point at which I was actually ordering, which took like 10 minutes, because of reasons.

I believe I made comfortable small talk for a little bit (which is unusual in dreams, probably because it's unusual IWL, except when I've had caffeine, which I did yesterday, and which I noticed allowed me to be a bit more comfortable in social settings so maybe that's whyyyyyy~), asking her what it was like to run a shop (because I was genuinely curious, which is great because in previous dreams my reactions hadn't been feeling self-motivated and it's great to be back in the swing of things). I tried to ask what she did during the off-seasons when nobody was at Stone Harbor, but what I accidentally said instead was "What do you do on nights and weekends?" and she responded with an uncomfortable silence. I only realized my slip when I woke up, and now I realize it looked like I was going to ask her out or something. And I didn't realize that until I woke up and had a slightly different perspective. THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN VERY STRANGE AND INTERESTING TO ME. AHHHH.

Anyway, then while she was getting the pizza ready I had to wait like ten minutes, or I don't know there was something about how I had to be read a fairy tale by her assistant. So he gets a book that's really just a bunch of sheets of paper with illustrations and writing on 'em, and starts to sing/read me this long poem/fairy tale. I can't remember the specifics at all, but it was really interesting because we were sitting on the floor, him singing with an absolutely astonishing amount of emotion in his voice, just absolutely belting it out and somehow managing to be very sad at the same time ... and me moving the pages out of the way as he read them, and laying them on the floor in a pile. I must've been semi-lucid, because while he was singing I noticed that I felt totally comfortable, whereas IWL, when somebody fakes strong displays of emotions near me, I automatically feel awkward and uncomfortable. Same when people are singing, though that's been improving lately. And I think the thought had occurred to me earlier as well, while Jess was acting. So I was certain it was a dream and not waking life, since I was directly comparing the two, but that was the extent of my interest at the time (as opposed to wandering out and trying dream powers). I think dream powers just weren't a focus for the moment. Maybe I was too sad about leaving Stone Harbor, and too immersed in what was happening.

Anyway he sang the whole stinking thing, and I listened, and then one of us helped the other up (I was wearing rollerblades so getting up was a problem) and I went to get my pizza. Or something. I think there was a brief bit where he'd picked me up and I was trying to make sure I didn't rollerblade his feet as he was setting me down.

Anyway then I finally told her that I didn't have an outside slice of pizza and she produced a second piece like it wasn't even a problem, and said something about it being 2 for $6. At this point I took a look at the slices of pizza and realized that she'd cut off about half of each of them with a semi-diagonal cut. All in all, I thought it was an absolutely terrible price, and as I was starting to move my pizza slices towards the cashier to pay for them (for some reason she'd given them to me at a different counter than the one with the register), I tried to remember what the pizza back home was like (I wasn't semi-lucid anymore, so instead of comparing her dream pizza shop to one IWL, I was actually comparing her Stone Harbor pizza shop to one back home), semi-successfully managing to remember that in my (IWL current) home county, a small pizza from Little Caesar's is about $8 (home IWL happening to equal the home in the dream, but not because I was semi-lucid). But Little Caesar's couldn't compare to this pizza. I said about as much, making a sort of awkward hushed comment about how the pizza at home was cheaper, but then stating that this pizza was of a far superior quality, so it worked out (which is a lie, because at my college campus I can get a slice of pizza about as big as her two slices, and just as delicious, for $2 and now I'm really hungry, frick).

I was about to dig through my (IWL) Mega Man 10 bag for a good $9 (apparently the price had jumped thanks to my mental number-juggling), but I woke up soon after, I think. Which sucked because I was really looking forward to that pizza, yo.

-

Btw I think I prefer not being in a lucid dreaming competition right now. Like, I just took an hour or so to write out that dream, I think, and were I in the competition right now it would've been worth one point. Goodness.

In other news I'm going to differentiate between what "low-level lucidity" and being "semi-lucid" mean to me. I'll consider myself semi-lucid when I can compare the dream and waking life to some degree, while not viewing the dream as something to be manipulated or changed. I'll consider it low-level lucidity when I'm thinking about how to trick the dream and use dream powers, but am not necessarily aware of the fact that I have a separate life outside the dream. YUP. I hope I made that clear because otherwise it will give me a headache :U

So yeah, I kinda decided to start keeping a dream journal again and because I always loved this community I found it's easily the best place to do that, especially since I kept one here already so... yeah.
Long story short, I lost interest in my dreams for a much too long time but it just kinda came back and I wonder why it left me. So I kept a journal for the last three days again, here's what happened over the course of those nights.


03/25/2014 - Trainrides

Recall starts with my girlfriend and me being on a train ride to a destination that I'm almost certain was mentioned in the dream but I can't recall. In a small town about halfway from the RL smalltown that I live in to the next bigger city we get off the train to board another one. The train station huge and very neat looking, it has a nice hotel-like lobby and all which surprises us greatly because the RL building looks really, really busted from the outside. There is a third person with us that I can't recall. As we start walking through the train station it starts looking less and less elegant until its interior finally does resemble it's facade. We make our way back to the tracks to wait for a train. There is one that comes in very fast, switches tracks and drives a loop to go the other way without stopping. I lack a bit of recall between this scene and us boarding a train but remember being on one that's also going very, very fast. Recall leaves me before we arrive somewhere.

03/27/2014 - Always Sunny

I recall several dreams from this night, the first one being at some sort of sporting venue that at first seems like it's for swimming although I never got to see an actual pool... I'm on the bleachers with two friends of mine whom I cannot connect to any real people that I know. It suddenly turns out we're there to watch an Arena Football game with the Philadelphia Soul. All other people on the bleachers look very, very strange, anyone know the McPoyles from It's always Sunny in Philadelphia? Yeah, like that. To the left of us, some of them start shooting heroin and pass a needle to us. We want to pass it on but a small argument ensues when my friend and I both get scared we might accidentally puncture the other with it. As the game begins I hear a voiceover that goes on and on about how arena football was used for filming and for commercials because it's so badass. I find myself in the game now as me and all other players line up just in front of somebody who's about to throw the ball. Everybody runs downfield trying to catch it. I wind up with the ball, try to pass it back to a teammate but I fail. I fumble the ball but somehow yank it from somebody's hands to get it back. The scene resets, we're all standing in front of the passing guy again and I'm worried I might get a "misconduct" penalty because I curse so much. I don't get one, someone else does though. I'm wearing a gray sweater with the number 10 on it. The dream ends.

The next one is about me and some friends, including Theresa, a girl I know in real life and Charlie Kelly from the aforementioned show It's always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm walking through a city that I seemingly accept as my actual hometown although it looks nothing like it. There are tall buildings and a lot of bars and clubs. I meet up with the other guys at the university where we got done with some sort of obligation and agree to go to a "different bar than usual" now, everyone comes along except for Charlie who wants to do something else first and meet up with us later. This is the last time he appeared in the dream. We plan to go to an irish pub in which you can see the waiters doing weird dances on the tables from the outside but we get the wrong door and waltz into the wrong place, a place called "Snyder's" or something. We go down a flight of stairs before we realize our error and want to immediately leave but for some reason stay anyway. I'm missing quite a chunk here but I remember meeting another girl I know in real life in front of the toilet doors of that place. I went to highschool with her in real life and she also moved to the same town as me for college. We never had that much to do with each other though. In the dream she was with someone else from our highschool, I cannot remember who it was though and that person also seemed to take no interest in me at all. She hugged me very intimately and asked me a question that in hindsight I consider was probably pretty important in the context of the dream but I can't remember for the life of me. It was something about why I'm there or if it's only *something* that I'm there for. Really should have written that down first. I also miss a part right after this meeting that I know was there but the memory largely eludes me. We were suddenly speaking english (which is not my first language), talking about something we though was good but that turned out to "suck". Next thing I do remember more precisely is that we gathered around a table to eat some spices that I actually planted on my real life desk a few days ago, they tasted absolutely terrible which I sadly remember very, very well :<

The last fragment I remember is of me walking along a country road approaching an autobahn onramp to my right. About 200 meters down the road there is a tunnel, the setting is very rural, there is a bit of a drop to the left of the road. I carry a heavy backpack and some other stuff. The autobahn sign reads "Cuxhaven" in its directions, which is the city I grew up close to; I sense that I'm on the right track. I slouch down from exhaustion next to the road and a girl passes me on foot as well. The setting suddenly changes here and I'm sitting in front of a McDonald's in a large commercial park. The sign includes some sort of advertisement for "Jelly Donuts". I go in because I seem to think I might be able to rent a car there. The smell of food and the menu pictures make me really hungry but I remember only having about 7 Euros with me anymore and knowing I had to hold that together. It then turns out you could actually rent cars there, outside of the restaurant there are some three-wheeled vehicles in the parking lot for rent and I overhear a conversation between a girl, which might be the one that passed me earlier, talking to the car rental guy as he estimates the distance to her direction somewhere in northern Germany to be around 10.000 Kilometers. He goes on to actually calculate the distance and comes up with 7.000.
The last dream ends here and I wake up. My girlfriend is still lying next to me watching videos on her phone. I sit up and start writing down my dreams.

That night, before I fell asleep I got really sad thinking about highschool and how I feel I missed out on fun I could have had because I didn't involve myself enough. I wasn't an outcast and didn't get bullied or something, it was just a bit laziness I guess so I didn't go out as much and my self-esteem could have been better I guess. I got pretty dense melancholy setting in when I thought back at those times 5 years ago and how easy life was, how free I was to live it and how that's gone forever. Hell, I'm getting a little sad just writing it down. The point is however, I think that probably bled into my dreams hard that night. Meeting those girls from highschool and then that hiking trip back to what was my home at the time...

03/28/2014 - In Ruins

And so this was last night's dream. It's mostly just there in fragments anymore.
I remember being with a coworker of mine, Mario, in a city called Lingen that another coworker of mine grew up in. I've never been there in real life. We're in some sort of former office/military building that is now just wasting away empty. There are very big flights of stairs. Mario is fiddling around with some old circuit breaker as I go into a medium sized room and look out of the windows that are missing the glass in them, none of it is shattered on the ground anywhere though. The building is right beside a forest that looks like it's fall on the verge of becoming winter right now. We dick around in the building some more, there is a lot of talk about how the building could collapse very easily as it's very windy outside, I don't remember much, next thing I remember is being between two large buildings in a pretty deep "abyss". The windows on the two buildings don't start until about ten meters above me. The walls have a dark green, washed-out base where I am, halfway up to the windows they start being white-gray.
I remember there being some sort of festivity in the city as well, something with talking to a child, not much either though. Not much as well on a scene at a train station, where we are astonished that the station has two tracks going through it. There are two trains that pass by each other, one of them called S03 and one S04. We get ready to get on S04.
My alarm goes off, I have to get ready to work. She's already up, having to work a half hour earlier than me. I hit the snooze button once, get up after the second alarm and sketch up some quick buzzwords from these dreams, hoping I'll remember later. I kinda do.

3/27/14 In my dream it started with me waking up in my Father room, it was dark and no lights were on. When I got up I tried to turn on the lights but it didn't work. I then woke up again in my Father room and thought to myself that I could've had a lucid dream if I notice the lights wouldn't turn on. I didn't realize though that I was still in a dream. That's when I heard the door slam. I now thought I was truly awake since in Reality the feeling was more cruel as I said this out loud in the dream. My Father came in and turn on the lights, it came on and he sat next to me while I lied down in the bed. He told me the power was cut and that they had to wait in the train. I was thinking that's why the lights weren't coming on. Then I woke up again in my Father room and felt very strange, lights were off and the timer said 1:00 o clock am as it buzz around as if it were in alarm. I heard my brother in my Father bathroom taking a shower, I felt like I could hardly move as I stay in the bed. I heard my brother singing sort of similar to pokemon, the lights were not on in the bathroom. He then stop showering the door was half open and I manage to atleast manage to sit up to see him. He hid in the door and grab his shorts and with a dark blue shirt. He opens the doorand that's when I wake up again in my Father room, it was dark lights were off I check the time on the vcr again it stated " 2 - 7 " So I got up and tried to turn on the lights but didn't work. I saw the bathroom door was tilted and it show that the orange light was on which only activates if all lights are off in the room. I proceeded in going to the bathroom as I open the door I thought something was off. So I tried to turn on the lights but it didn't work. I look in the mirror and thought this doesn't look to right. So I thought to myself let me look at my hands and when I did I had more than 5 fingers. That's when I became lucid , I look in the mirror and thought " man , I really look stupid " that's when my brother showed up in the mirror and we began debating about OBE if it's real or not. I said " Yea you're dumb , why don't you come over here with your beliefs since we're in a dream " I ramble more on his reflection. Then my face appear and again I thought I look retarded. So I decided to leave the bathroom as I knew talking to mirrors wasn't going to get me anywhere with philosophy. I look around my Father room and the lights came on by themselves as I walk I saw a red towel on my Father tv. I said " Lets see if I had dream control now " So I tried to change it's color to blue and instantly it started changing blue. I was surprise, I look a the carpet and wanted to change it's color , it started changing but I didn't make up my mind so it got multi color. I walk forward more to the bed. I then wanted to create someone I knew in middle school. I tried this before in 2012 and failed miserably so now since I am seeing the effects now I believe my chances were better. I thought of the person and their lower body started to appear and the upper body however it stop. I started thinking of thei face so it can fully appear but it wasn't working as I hold it in my hand. I could tell the subconscious which is the brain change the person I trying to create in to a doll. So I threw it and immeditely I got hit by a mini panda. I turn aound and look at it's online ID above it's head which was " Ps_Zocoun " something similar to that. So I look at it as it was working on the carpet ground. Since I was irritated by what it did I knew I was in control of everything since I was god in this dream. So how dare this miniture ugly panda hit me so I decided to make the mini foolish panda disappear. When it disappear I was very satisfied however in 3 seconds he came back and look much more angry than before. I thought to myself that's not right because I didn't summon him back and stated wondering if I was the controller of this dream. The Panda look at me and tried to attack so I went to the bed knowing it was too small to get up on it. I then saw the curtains and wonder what the outside looks like. I open the curtain a little to see the sky was gray and raining. I smiled and thought yes this is my favorite sky. I then look at the curtain and remember what I did in my last lucid dream on 3/15/14. So I decided to do it again by jumping through the curtains. It did the magical spiral again like my previous lucid dream which made me smile with satisfaction. However I almost got outside but gently was place back on the bed. So I thought " If it didn't work once it should definitely work this time " I jump through the curtains again and the curtains did it's magical spiral again and I decided to smile again but it didn't let me go through. So I got off the bed ran quickly and open my Father door quickly so I could avoid the panda. As I ran in the living room it look quite real to me so when I reach the front door. I decided to peek in the garage as the door was already open. I look in and said " wow " it look like it was burglarize and painted lighter blue. I then look at the front knowing this will take me outside. I tried to go through it but like all the other objects it rejected me. So I open the door which felt eletric like twitching. The door open I went outside and began running on the road in the community. As I run I could hear my grandmoher talking to someone on the phone as her voice sounded at the front door. I thought to myself " She must be wondering why I left the door open " I ran more and made a turn so I could continue running. I saw a person who use to be my Mother friend. She was wearing a dark gray coat and dark jeans with black boots and had long blonde curly hair in a pony tail. As she just finish talking to her friend she started walking and then look at me. I decided to jog and look back at her. I job she walk , she then started telling me if I was going to that place. I couldn't hear her too well so I decided to run more as these two girls look at me and stare. I decided to run more and more. Then this boy look at me with a big smirk. The sky started changing to night as more and more people began to follow me around the community while laughign at me. I tried to climb up the gates but cars was already there and so was all the people. I ran up the hill and just sat down and cried. They all circle around the hill below me laughing, that's when someone came up the hill. It was my brother he was also laughing and was wearing a hat while holding a camera. He took a picture of me and then kick me. I got angry and said " Damn you, I don't care if this is a dream and if your my brother, I'll still kick your ass " I got up, jump and push my brother as we both rolled down the hill. Once we both hit the ground all the people surronded us. My brother then said I was a loser, the crowd around us laugh harder after that. So I said " Watch, can you do this ?" They all watch me began to levitate as I floated over the 16 feeted gates and landed gently down as if a mouse on a CPU pick me up and drop me down. I stand there like a boss and all those ungrateful little rejects started clapping and screaming with amazement. They all wanted to know my name but I didn't say anything I just had a smirk on my face. That's when my cousin appear to me in the crowd who was frankly in a wheel chair, told me something but I couldn't hear him due to his mumbling and cheap wheel chair. So I lean a little down and said " What are you saying" He began saying I needed to go to kungchim camp to get weapons. I was wondering why would I need weapons then I look ahead of me and saw 2 huge tanks. I just couldn't believe my luck that's when I started feeling my physical back lying on the bed. So I knew my time was soon to be up. As I stare at the tanks moving their launchers to my position I decided to wake up voluntary. I woke up and I was in my Father room, the lights were off and the time said " 2:00 am " So I thought to myself my father is taking a really long time to come home. I then got up and tried to switch on the light but it didn't work. That's when I was wondering why can't I wake up? Then I woke up again, this time I was truly awake the time said " 9:08 pm " I quickly got up and turn on the light and sat down feeling very confuse. That's all Lucidity Time : 7 mins

Hi I'm Bella Dior this is my first entry in my dream journal.
I've been lucid dreaming since I was a kid among other things as well three weeks go a great friend of mine died. The ones that your wish you were like growing up. Basicly my hero died.

I chose not to cry because I liv by a code that I shouldn't cry because its selfish because your crying cuz u are going to miss them. I dreamt about her. It was lucid and non lucid the whole time. I thought I kept waking up but it was just another dream.all night over and over I couldn't control anything and it felt so real. I've been shaking ever since I been woke.

The dream started of as a lucid dream so I'm in school having a paintball gun fight. When I'm walking down a hallway and then I heard lighters by bad meets evil. That's the song that reminds me of her. The music is coming out the classroom. So I tried closing the door with a wave of the hand. It didn't work. So I walked to the door to see her sitting in there. I walked in to say hi. She was talking in sign language. She said do you see me .. I love u I miss u over and over in sign language. I replied with your dead. It felt so real but since I knew it was a dream I didn't try to hug her or say my goodbyes.

It's like the whole world changed and I woke up. I looked at the time it was 745am I got up to eat and heard this buzzing noise walking into the kitchen so I kept walking I felt massive energy coming from the kitchen so I kept walking. she was standing in my kitchen looking at me I said are you real. She replyed in sign language I love u I miss u can you see me.
I tried to get closer but my feet was stuck I couldn't move.then I woke up

Again I thought I woke up I had feel asleep at work when we had a party. Lol my job doesn't have parties so I knew it was a dream but I wanted to stay my crush was the so I was talking to him. He asked me to dance so we started to dance. I looked over and saw her sitting in the chair laughing she motioned in sign language he's cute and I'm crazy. So I walked over there the closer I got to her the more people started to fade away. I got up to her she signed I love u I miss u can u see me? I replied I see u. She jumped up and hugged me. It felt so real I could feel her energy her locks her warmth. I said I miss you I love you. With my voice and she disappeared everyone was gone so I woke up. I woke up to a bloody nose and tears on my face. I don't even know what this dream means but I can't stop shaking

Earlier this morning, I had a non-lucid dream about a false awakening at my mom's. I recognized this and did a mantra when falling back to sleep that I am falling asleep in my room, so if I wake up anywhere else, I am dreaming.

Then, comes my MILD!

7:32 am MILD

False awakening lucid at my mom's. I hear the door bell ring and answer it. I know it's a dream because I remember I fell asleep at my apartment. It is one of the daycare moms at the door here to pick up her son, N. I see N, and another daycare kid, M, below me. I look down at M and try testing the gravity. I think he asks me what I am doing and I think I tell him I need to check the gravity because I'm dreaming.

Despite the fact that I know I'm dreaming, the dream feels so weird, it doesn't feel like a dream, except for the fact that I'm levitating. The way in which the dream characters are acting are how they would've in real life.

It takes a bit of effort but I manage to propel myself into the air and levitate after spinning. I see my mom and try to ask her 世界を変えることはできますか？ but the words are so hard to get out of my mouth. As I'm struggling to say them she asks, "What?" and once I finally say it she says, "Yes" very briefly and casually in English while looking the other way. She seems distracted by her own reality instead of paying attention to my lucid dream efforts. I'm not sure if she actually understood me.

I wake up because I don't feel fully asleep and am afraid to fall asleep and can feel my paralysis. I'm also afraid I won't be aware of my surroundings in waking life if an intruder breaks in.

After waking up and writing down my dream, I went back to sleep. I had many false awakening dreams in my apartment. I try to focus my brain away from lucid dreaming because at this point I just want to sleep and finally I fall asleep and have four non-lucid dreams.

One of the non-lucid dreams had Japanese Sign Language in it.

9:30 am non-lucid

I have a dream that a boy who knows Japanese Sign Language and who is deaf came to our daycare. He signs the signs for "sign language" "can" "can not do" "question marker" to me. I reply with "can" and am excited. His father however doesn't seem to know how to sign and could hear. I text my friend from the farm dream about how there's a little boy who's native language is JSL at daycare.

Hello again. Going to try getting back into lucid dreaming AGAIN because I'm sick of having so few, badly remembered, non-lucid dreams. I'm a freshman in college now, but without further ado, here's my last dream.

As with many of my dreams, this was heavily influenced by video games. This one was similar to Blue Dragon, a turn-based rpg, although with much more customizable skillsets and characters. I was there, although I looked a bit like Shu from Blue Dragon, and the other characters were Alisa from Gods Eater Burst, a darker skinned guy who was rather quiet and came from a bad background (I think he used to be a bad guy and we recruited him), and some other girl. I vaguely remember being in an underground city similar to Undercity from World of Warcraft and exploring the sewers and tunnels and things. In the dream, you could learn multiple shadows (this probably won't make much sense if you don't know Blue Dragon) and assign each one different skill and traits. I had one dragon that I set to be a damage dealer with some tanking capabilities who attacked at a medium speed. You could set whether you wanted a character to attack quickly, resulting in 3+ strikes in one turn, medium, resulting in 2-3, or slow, resulting in one powerful strike each turn. You could learn new shadows by finding spheres in certain areas, and at one point, the dark-skinned guy and I found two so we each took one. I got a dragon that looked bulkier and older, and he got a strange looking minotaur. I decided to assign this dragon to be a heavy hitter, so I set it to slow and started speccing it to hit heavily but with no tanking abilities. Unlike Blue Dragon, we were not dependent on our shadows for every attack, and we actually used weapons. Different types of weapons could only be used with certain attack speeds, and at one point I found 3 clubs with great stats so I ended up switching everyone to slow except the fourth girl, who remained fast because she had a dagger. I assume the shadows were reserved for special attacks and magic.

At some point I ran into a "friendly monster" named Gyorco who would trade me random monster parts for rare items. He was tall with long limbs, slightly resembling a troll. We found him several times as we were exploring this large plains area, killing things for experience. Then later, we found another "friendly monster" who looked similar to Gyorco, however, this one was rather timid and seemed as if it had just recently mastered the art of speech. It didn't really seem to understand most of what we said to it, and it spoke in short exclamations like "Kill?" and "Scary!" A menu of my possible speech options popped up on the left in typical video-game fashion, and after trying Talk, Shop, and Approach (none of which had any real results), I tried the option that seemed like a joke: "I AM GYORCO, MASTER MERCHANT!" Surprisingly, it worked, and the monster warmed up to us and ended up trading with us.

Dream:
NOTHING!

Note:
I think the key is for me is to change my sleep schedule back to something more normal (again). I have fallen into the habit of going to sleep way too late recently.

Date: 3/28/2014 (Thu)
Total sleep: 6.5 hours
Daytime Techniques: Text Search, RCs, Visualization, Mantras
Lucid Techniques: Mantras, Visualization
Recall Techniques: Mantras
Fell Asleep: 10:00 pm
Dream 1 Title: Weird South Park Cartoon
Dream 1: I am in a strange house with my wife. She is very upset. We had a contractor cut an area in the floor and install a set of stairs to the basement. To do this they had to cut a large hole in our hardwood floor. He cut it unevenly so there is an area with exposed brickwork that is very old and ugly. I can’t blame her for being upset, it looks horrible. **Jump** (3rd person perspective) I am watching a South Park style cartoon. There are three characters (Brad Pitt, my wife, and another one who I didn’t recognize) and they are dancing around in a cartoon apple orchard. Suddenly Scionox’s (From DV) avatar (a black dragon) comes onto the screen and starts chasing the characters. They act comically scared and run around the orchard. Then they all run off the screen. I wake up.
Dream 2 Title: Breakup in Hawaii (**Lucid**)
Dream 2: I am in a hotel room with several women I used to work with 10 years ago; Judy, Coleen, & Cindy. My long term girlfriend is also there (whom I don’t know in real life). Everyone is sitting on the floor and we are having a pie tasting party. In front of me are several pieces of different types of pie on white paper plates, with white plastic forks. I am handing out the pieces to people. I am hoping there won’t be any pie left when I’m done passing them out because I am trying to not eat sugar (this is a RL habit). When I am done passing them out there is one piece left for me. It is a large piece of apple pie. The crust is golden brown and I am dying to have some, but I resist. Coleen says, “Come on! You need to have at least a bite.” I just shake my head no. My girlfriend brings in a pot of hot cider and we start handing out styrafoam cups filled with cider, with a red plastic coffee stirrer in each. After a short time the women decide to leave and I am very happy because I want to have some intimate time with my girlfriend. I lay down on the bed, which is in a corner of the room. My girlfriend, who is a slim woman with brown shoulder length hair, (I don’t know her name, but I know that we have been dating for years) comes out of the bathroom. She is wearing blue jeans, a brown leather jacket, white t-shirt, and has a large brown leather bad hung over her shoulder (I know it is her overnight bag). She has her car keys in her hand, and I know she is leaving to go sleep with another man. I say to her, “If you leave it is over.” She replies, “Fine.” and walks out the door. I am devastated. I can’t describe how horrible I felt. It was just too real. I actually felt like a happy long term relationship had just ended because she wanted to be with someone else. I get up off the bed, walk to the dresser, and grab my car keys and my hotel key card. I just want to get out of this room. I need to just walk. Go out the door, which leads directly onto a city street. There are tall buildings on both sides of the road, and many cars parked along the street. I am lost in my despair and not paying attention to anything. I turn left and begin walking down the sidewalk, with my eyes down. I can feel the keys in my left hand and the key card in my right. Suddenly I decide to turn around and walk the other way. I look up, and directly in front of me at the end of this seemingly endless perfectly straight street, is a beautiful sunset. For the first time I also notice there are palm trees along the street. I realize that I am in Hawaii. Then something clicks in my mind! I remember being awake, at home, in my own bed, just a little while ago. I can’t actually be in Hawaii if I was just home sleeping. I am lucid without doing a reality check. The despair I was feeling moments before is completely washed away by overwhelming joy and excitement. I remind myself to stay calm. I look down at the keys in my left hand and am amazed at how realistic they look. It is like the level of vividness has increased one thousand fold. I look back to the sunset, and the vividness has amplified dramatically. It is indescribably beautiful. The sun has just slipped below the horizon. There are thin clouds reflecting brilliant hues of orange, mixing with the oranges are shades of purples and pinks. All of this is reflected brilliantly off of the buildings, which are now all made of mirrored glass. I think, “My God I wish I could take a picture of this and bring it back to real life!” I pull my eyes away from this amazing site and turn around to look down the street in the other direction. The building end about 100 yards away, where the street ends at an amazing beach. There are palm trees to the right and left of the last buildings and a long expanse of beautiful white sand ending at a perfect ocean extending to the horizon. I have completely forgotten about my goals. I want to experience swimming in the ocean. I jog down to the beach. I slip my keys and key card into the pocket of my swimsuit (which I am now wearing) as I run. I can feel the warm sand between my toes. I run straight into the water, which is as warm as a nice bath. A large wave is heading right for me as I reach waist deep. It washes over me and feels amazing. I swim deeper under the water and can see with complete clarity and just continue to breath as normal (no fear of drowning in a dream). I see a small school of angelfish . They are vibrant orange with vertical purple stripes. The vividness is amazing. They begin to shift colors from orange with purple stripes to purple with orange stripe and back again. I laugh under the water. I am filled with such joy. I swim to surface. As I come out of the water I find it is late dusk. I am back into waist deep water. I see two beautiful women walking out of the water, both are wearing wet white t-shirts with bikinis underneath. The urge for sex takes over. I walk up to one of them. She is in her 20’s. She is tall (about 5’ 8”), with long wet blonde hair. I take her hand and we walk out of the water onto the beach. Her friend just walks away from us. I take hold of the bottom of the t-shirt , pull it over her head, and toss it onto the sand. Her bikini is a brilliant sapphire blue. She has an amazing voluptuous body and very large breasts. I reach around to untie her bikini top, and with a seductive smile she says playfully, “No, no, no.” I respond, “Yes, yes, yes.” The dream quickly fades away and I awake. I do a RC by looking at my clock…but I am actually awake.
Awake: 4:30 am
Vividness: (scale of 1-15, 10 is waking life vividness) D1 = 7; D2 = 15
Awareness: (1-10; or lucid) D1 = 6; D2 = Lucid
Length: (how long it felt like! Because that matters) D1 = 3 min; D2 = 6 min
Emotions: General happiness, Utter Devastation, Indescribable Joy
Dream Signs: Cartoons, my wife is a cartoon, someone cutting holes in our floor, people I worked with 10 years ago, a girlfriend who I didn’t know (didn’t even know her name), not text anywhere.
Notes: I didn’t take any supplements last night. I purchased “Creative Visualization” by Shakti Gawain and started reading it last night. I used my typical visualizations, mantras, RCs, and text searches during the day and before I fell asleep. I awoke from Dream 1 and lay in bed trying to recall as much of the dream as I could. When I looked at the clock it was 3:35 am. I worked on recalling the dream for around 10 – 15 min. I then ran my mantras through my mind several times as I fell back to sleep. So, essentially, I did a short WBTB. Also, just prior to becoming lucid I was in a heightened emotional state (despair). I have found in the past that heightened emotional states contribute. Also, I was sleep deprived from the previous night. I awoke from Dream 2 at 4:28 am, and felt so high I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep. So that means this is 2 nights in a row of sleep deprivation. However, I don’t feel tired at all because I’m still riding the high from the lucid dream. . I am a bit disappointed that I didn’t remember my goals, but it still was a great LD.
Text Search Experiment: (Day 5) I paid close attention to text all day yesterday. I repeated my mantras as well. I didn’t notice text in either of the 2 dreams recalled from last night.

I did a short WBTB and only shortly tried for WILD - and became lucid in the middle of a dream in one of my classical settings. Not wanting to destabilize with wanting too much - I simply decided to go with the story, but in between I did weird things.
Like fly in the house and tell them they would be my dream.
So it went a bit back and forth with me loosing myself in the story and getting lucidity back - like it was always under the surface, when I interacted with people, but esp. when I ended up thinking I have to pack and unpack bags - I realized it again fully.

woke up naturally after this dream and spent some time just lying in bed half-awake before remembering that oh snap I was lucid in this one whaaaat

Lucid #5 Aw Yee
So it started out with me just doing my usual dream thing of picking out various items from a large department store, except this time I tried to leave without paying with everything in my shopping cart, and managed to walk outside (nighttime) before a friendly employee had to lay down the law for me. She said that if I were going to do that, there was a certain price limit I'd need to adhere to, so I had to put back some things and then I could take the rest and pay it back later. I realized that I didn't actually need a bunch of Christmas decorations (mostly it was a lot of that fake green tree stuff you can put everywhere, and a wreath) and decided that those would be the thing to put back.

As I was carrying an armful of fake green tree stuff back through the store, I passed the stuffed animal section, where a kid and his dad were having some sort of strange, stuffed-animal-related argument. I recognized that my dad and I had, in fact, had that same argument before (false memory) and was quite tempted to say as much to the kid on my second pass, now unburdened of weird fake green tree stuff. But I ultimately decided not to. Oh well.

I went back outside, where the employee was waiting with a receipt for the rest of my things. Taking and looking over the receipt, I was quite disappointed to realize that yes, I would still have to eventually pay for all this. Just not at that exact moment.

The next thing I remember is spontaneously becoming lucid simply because it felt like a dream. No reality check, no examining of my surroundings, not even an "aha" moment of "maybe this is actually a dream". My mindset simply swapped right on over to "lucid", so quickly and completely that all I remember is picking out "shooting a concussive blast from my palm" as my dream task of the moment and hopping right to it.

So then I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to shoot a concussive blast from my palm, which was... hard to figure out...? (I'm currently tempted to say "difficult" or "impossible" but that's a bad idea.) The second floor of the department store had a wall of windows which I stood in front of, right arm out, palm forward, left arm gripping and stabilizing my right, and then there was a whole lot of "how do" (meanwhile, a store employee looked on in alarm). I imagined the blast shooting out. I tried to summon the energy from within my arm. I imagined that perhaps my right upper arm might glow, and it may have. I thought about the way I was positioning my arms, and how it felt. (One thing I DIDN'T try was a voice command.) I'm pretty sure I never actually succeeded, though one window did end up broken somehow, and I have a vague-yet-pleasant memory of flying through it to the rooftop of another building in the night. Yay <3 (sorry, store employee)

I also remember trying to stabilize the dream by rubbing my hands together. Like the realization that I was lucid, it felt spontaneous and seemed to come from nowhere. Normally my dream ideas are linked back to the DreamViews forums somehow, like "oh right, I should rub my hands together to stabilize *mental image of the dream views home page*," or something like that. But this time, again, the idea seemed to have no real source of generation. I just tried rubbing my hands together and paying attention to how it felt.

Then I made the mistake of putting my rubbing hands up by my ear to listen to the sound of it, which felt so distinctly real that I started to think I was in bed, starting to move around and wake myself up. At that point I lost my conscious lucidity, though I think my state still qualified as low-level-lucidity. FAIL STABILIZATION. NICE TRY DAWG.

Oh and since it feeling real made me LESS lucid, my guess is that this sort of lucidity was the spontaneous kind that comes from the dream feeling like a dream. Things can be fuzzier in dreams, darker, and the whole dream can have a strong "dreamy" feel that can be picked up on. Which is what happened in this case, and I assume what happens to Tman and Flotsam.

ANYWAY. The last part of the dream was about some physical fight I had with my sister's boyfriend in order to protect my mom. Mom was, I believe, starting to get up there in years (and now had her own little granny apartment), and my sister's boyfriend N had decided to arm himself with sharp implements and barricade himself in the 1319 front office. I'm not sure how that counted as a threat to my mom. I think I saw him as a threat, and since he wasn't a threat to me (it being a dream, still), it translated into him being a threat to my mom, so I couldn't simply leave him alone. I sought him out, armed with sharp implements of my own, though I'm not sure which ones. I know for sure he had a box cutter, I suppose because memories involving pain are easier to remember. (THAT'S CALLED FORESHADOWING)

hhhehehehe so anyway I'm getting sweaty palms remembering this but let's see here.* There was some sort of room divider a short space away from the door, which forced me to go right. He was trying to take advantage of this somehow, I think by blocking my way into the open area of the room, and it became a struggle. This mainly consisted of me trying to stab/slice him, and him trying to stab/slice me (which was of much greater concern to me), and I ended up mostly on the defensive. There were a great deal of "too-close-for-comfort" moments. The only thing preventing the box cutter from box cutting me was my continuous and determined preventive efforts, so it was a largely bloodless struggle at first.

Then my determination finally failed, for a moment. We were locked up, both my implements blocked and me managing to block one of his, but the box cutter was free and I couldn't rally the mental strength to stop it from cutting into my left hand. I was simply mentally exhausted by all my previous efforts and how useless it felt. The pain was quite strong and highly unpleasant and all sorts of other descriptive adjectives, but I think on the whole it was a sort of relief to get it over with after a great deal of worry and anticipation. Which says a lot about my mindset in the dream at that point. Like it was a scripted event. Weird.

Anyway after that I pulled myself together and "defeated" him somehow, though not by severely injuring or killing him. I'm not sure what happened. But next thing we were simply talking, both still armed, and mom was in the room with us, almost as a sort of referee to keep us from fighting again, with her presence. At some point he admitted that his plan, had he been unable to find something sharp, had been to use an ultrafine point red sharpie and scribble madly on my skin, to try to give the impression (in the heat of the moment) that I was bleeding. Not the worst plan ever, I suppose. I said something like "Psychological warfare?" in response to this, and he was like yeah.

There was something else about a Metro train, potentially because those are rad. I don't remember anything else about it, though.

*not that this is a particularly "bad" or traumatizing memory. just quite intense I suppose. I don't know, I wouldn't call it bad.

back to sleeeeep~

Total sleep: 6.5 hours
Daytime Techniques: Reality Checks. All day awareness. Dream Yoga for an hour after work.

Spoiler for My boring non-lucid:

Dream Title: Motorcycle - fragment
Dream: Owned a bike. Drove around town to different places. I was terrible.
Got stopped by a cop, i was sarcastic to him because he witnessed a conversation where I was asked i was driving a bike shitty. Forgot rest.
At one point was chilling at a restaurant. One of the things I was drinking is a coca cola. I got a phone call from S, I think and he told me to come over. I remember having to rush my drink spill it out in the end
Was on my way to S’s to hangout
S was in a position of authority
Vividness: (scale of 1-15, 10 is waking life vividness) 2
Awareness: (1-10; or lucid) 2
Length: 30 mins
Emotions: Embarrassed, sucking up to Sardi, frustrated due to lack of recall
Dream Signs: Night, motorcycle

Woke at 4 am to write things down. Woke up eyes closed, did reality check nose plug. Success!!!!! Never in my life have I remembered to RC upon waking up. Went to bed disappointed about how little I could remember, but believing that the night is young and i could still lucid.



Dream Title: Playboy Mansion
Dream: I’m at my Mom’s place. It is night out (dream sign) we are talking about something. Somehow I notice that something is weird. I don’t remember if I did a reality check. But I got lucid. Holy shit. Everything around me was so real. It’s like it morphed immediately. I touch the wall, the door. I go outside. It is still night. Shit shit shit what do I do? Lucidity starts to fade. I remember my goals. I recall reading that lucidity increases if I simply take a lucid pill out of my pocket and eat it. I reach in my right pocket and there it is. A magical lucid pill along with bunch of crap like coins or whatever. The lucid pill looked average in size and it had words on it “Lucidity pill” or “lucid pill.” This blew my mind. I took it and all of a sudden the lucidity increased. Everything around me stabilized. Goal of the month of March was to ask a dream character about their middle name. I run inside and ask my mom what is her’s. She goes “D….” (don’t want to mention it here because that is her real last name. Very unimpressive. I don’t waste another second in the house. I run outside like that disney princess who was singing “A whole new world!”

I come to some sort of playground. The stars look so beautiful like from that TV series “Cosmos.”

I think to myself that since this is my first real long vivid lucid everything at this point is bonus, no more requirements. I decide that I want it to be day time (I’ve had enough nights in my non lucid dreams) and I want to go to Playboy mansion. I close my eyes and spin around and when I open here I am. Hugh Hefner is giving an interview by the pool surrounded by girls. Somehow at this point the “rules of the game” were made known to me. The way things worked is that Hugh gives out a golden medal to a girl he likes the most, the girl who he is currently fucking. I don’t know where the understanding of these rules came from and I would be very curious to find out. I play along. (Looking back at this moment I think I should have started by dictating my own rules, but then again may be playing along is what made the dream longer and more stable.... no regrets) I come up to him and take the medal from his neck. It is thick, heavy, and gold, the kind pimps would wear. I start looking around at different girls. I examine them so closely that it would be extremely embarrassing IWL. None of them are particularly attractive, not hideous but very average with different flaws. "I thought this was a dream?”- I think to myself. I forgot if I ended up giving the medal to somebody or what but next thing I remember I went up the stairs and went into a bathroom. Hugh is there cleaning the toilet. I mock him and he sprays me with water. At this point I am becoming aware that I need to do something else and this lucid isn’t infinite. I run downstairs and do something (forgot by now) but eventually I interrupt my dream by moving my foot IWL.

At this point the dream is still somehow in front of me since I didn’t open my eyes, but I can not get back into it.

Vividness: (scale of 1-15, 10 is waking life vividness) 10-11
Awareness: (1-10; or lucid) Lucid
Length: 60 mins
Emotions: Happy, Euphoria, Excited
Dream Signs: Night, Mom

Woke up 5:15am. Wrote down my dream until 5:45. Tried going back to sleep but too excited. My recall still sucks and with more practice It should improve. I’m surprise how little I actually remember of a dream that was soooo vivid and 100% accessible to me. By little I mean relatively to what I could.


ANY TIPS OR POINTERS?????

Night of March 28, 2014. Friday.



This dream (or connected series) had a lot of unrelated facets without much cohesion, yet still seemed to build a foundation for a different dream that came later.

There is some sort of bizarre event relating to a truck being driven by someone going a fair distance (possibly from one state to another). However, the truck is actually “wrapped” in sections of cloth (all the way around) almost like a mummy - so that the driver cannot see where he is going. At one point, this seems to be because his vehicle needs to be held together as such in this way. What follows is some sort of bizarre argument relating to this and whether or not the truck even has a driver or anyone inside or if someone just did this as a practical joke somehow and sent the truck on its way with either a remote control or some other method. The scene is never really resolved. My brother-in-law Bob is there and seems angry about the events.

After this is a completely different scene. I am at the ocean on a very nice day. Several other people are off to my right, mostly older people. The water off the shore is very shallow, not much more than three feet deep for probably a fair distance. The older men are in the water, sitting down with legs out. No one is fishing. Every now and then, a fish swims by and seems to direct some sort of “energy pulse” to their feet as well as bite off loose skin or supposed toxins. (This is possibly a play on when I was very young and minnows nibbled on my toes from a boat dock.)

After this, I am at sister Marlyn’s house in somewhat of a strange mood. It dawns on me (yet again) that she is “gone from the house” (has died). I end up going to the front door seemingly late at night (that goes out to the porch) for no particular reason. However, it is very different. There is no porch where one should be. Instead, a van is parked very close to the door, lengthwise (facing north). A man and a woman are in the van and mostly in shadow and supposedly there to deliver a package. They ask me if I knew they were there and for some reason, I lie and say “yes” and end up implying to them I had heard something so came to check (when, again, this was not actually the case at all - I just did not want to appear to have been caught off-guard).