Recent DJ Posts

Preface:
Took TONS of meds to beat this throat infection. Lost my voice a little, soldiered through it.

DR
I am in an unknown office, feels like one of those shady real estate offices where people try to get you to buy anything.
There is so much to do, and I am annoyed. I have to run reports, I have to provide those reports to (someone?). I am walking around in a rush and things keep coming up. Randome people keep walking by me and asking me questions or telling me to do things. I don't ask why; instead I just add it to a mental list of things to do. This makes me feel like I am never going to be finished. I am annoyed and I wake up feeling that way.

I've begun keeping this journal here so I can have a place online where I can evaluate my dreams and never lose them. I'm grateful to have this format.

I wrote this immediately after waking up from a dream that seemed to last all night and consisted of a single long adventure. These long adventure dreams are the sorts of things I will be recording, because I find them most interesting. This dream is recorded in great detail because it has several themes, characters, and elements in it which I have dreamed about before.

My dream started with classic dream-disorganization. Myself and current friends of mine entering an art store, and walking around browsing. At one point all of the other friends disappeared and I found myself with my best friend from highschool, KT, who I regret long years of distance with in real life. We had some goal in mind, something we wanted to learn or gain, and we went down a rickety spiral staircase into the basement where there was a hallway like in a hospital, badly lit. A receptionists table was near one wall with a door behind it, and a skeptical middle aged nurse sat behind it. We told her we were scientists here to check on the 'young man' and she let us enter behind her into a sickroom.

The sickroom was purple in tone, either because of the dim lighting or because all of the lavish furniture was deep purple blue in hue. I knew in my mind that we were here to gain something from a ridiculously rich and sick young man. He lay in his silken sheets, sweating and seemingly unconscious. He was extremely attractive, with wild curly brown hair, looking like no one I'd ever seen in real life. KT climbed on the bed and shook his shoulder, and I went to his other side. He woke up and looked at us and we reassured him. I offered him water which he doused himself with instead of drinking, and we began nursing him back to health. This part of the dream I hardly recall, but it seemed that through this interaction I gained an invitation to his home.

How I got there and why my friend KT was no longer with me, I don't know. But I was inside a house larger and more expensive then I could ever dream of entering, indeed larger then I believe they even make mansions in real life. It was like a castle and a house at the same time. Even though I'd been invited I felt intrusive, and his family treated me with disdain. I realized I'd seen his mother before in another dream, a crotchety short wrinkled woman with long flaxen hair. She was superior to me and I treated her with the same attitude that Elizabeth Bennet treated Catherine de Bourghe. She told me to await her upstairs in the attic with one of her attendants, and so up I went. In the dream even though I am named Hannah in real life, I called myself Amaranth which is the name I gave a character of mine in a game, and I assume throughout the dream I felt I was her. Everyone addressed me as Amaranth.

Upstairs I again saw a recurring theme of mine, something I commonly come across, a room with pianos in it. The attic had many curiosities, but I saw only the back to back uprights, and the smaller more vintage upright. Apparently some sort of event was going on downstairs so her attendant, a very friendly young man who seemed to like me, told me it wouldn't be wise to make a lot of noise. I asked him if the vintage piano was soft enough to play and he said perhaps. I played a little of Guitare by Cecily Chaminade, which I learned in real life just yesterday.

I'm not sure what set it off. Something happened or my perception of my environment changed drastically. I don't remember how it happened, but basically the young man was furious with me and the attendant for some reason. We'd done something wrong, and the dream was now full of a sense of danger.

This is where things began to be very linear, with almost no elements changing, and the adventure began. I knew that he and his two young friends (more like cronies/servants) were very powerful, and coming to kill or capture us for some purpose. We locked ourselves in one of their opulent bathrooms but knew they were more then capable of throwing the door down. I declared I wouldn't be trapped, and I tried to open a few windows. Most were too small but one I could fit through. Beneath that window there was a roof, and a large very average suburban neighborhood stretched out past that point, with empty grassy lots, long wide roads, and a dilapidated feeling to everything that was nearly post-apocalyptic. The fact that this enormous mansion existed in this weird poor town never registered as odd to me.

I was out the window, I was on the roof, and another recurring element took place. I began to run with tremendous speed and power, jumping and leaping the span of whole buildings, landing with agility from distances I would ordinarily never be able to survive. This superhuman speed and climbing ability is something that occurs in dreams where I feel I'm being chased. The ability to climb like a spider has gotten me out of many sticky dream situations. But it seemed that in this dream, I wasn't the only one. The two cronies were sent after me, and they were nearly as fast and agile as me. One man in particular was close on my heels. I managed to make enough distance that he couldn't see me anymore. I scaled a building rapidly, and opened a window into a home.

A cheaply furnished bedroom with an old table and couch, an old naked couple lounging together on the sofa. I saw it for only a moment before I decided I didn't care about their privacy and jumped in the window and ran into the adjoining room, a bedroom. The ground was littered with blankets. I threw a window open, then covered myself in the sheets and waited. I tried to catch my breath and be quiet, but it seemed impossible. The sureness that I would be discovered grew. And sure enough, the blanket was torn off and I retreated into a corner as the man who was on me heels stood over me. It seemed his intention was dirty as he leered at me, and I knew he planned to do something to me, probably rape me. He took out a cigarette case and tried to light one, but it lit wrong and he burned himself. I laughed at him and he looked annoyed and turned away to light another. I took the opportunity to leap up and through another door into the couples bathroom, throw the window open, and leap onto another roof.

The chase continued in this way for a while, sailing through weedy fields. At one point I encountered a pine tree of monstrous proportion, which at the time I didn't find odd but which I now know is a kind of giant non-existent tree I've dreamed of before in other dreams where I can leap and climb. Finally it seemed I'd come full circle somehow, I ran past the mansion again just as the cronie tripped and fell and failed to get up. At this exact moment the young man and his family were leaving the house, and seeing me whiz by must have infuriated him. I knew then with a sense of impending doom that he was far more powerful then me. I knew that he could not only leap and climb, but he could fly, which I could not. I knew he'd come for me, I ran as fast as I could. I lept above some old buildings and tried to fly, but only managed to float for all my effort, making myself an easy target.

I turned in the air and saw him streaking towards me across the sky, breaking the sound barrier in a white billowing smoke around his arms and legs. I could make out his victorious grin. He slammed into me and then into a dilapidated building. I 'blacked out' as far as you can when your already unconscious. When I awoke I couldn't move and my upper body was covered with long cuts and gouges as if the fabric of my muscles were shaken and torn along the ligaments. I bled and sat on the ground. I felt no pain, I almost never dream of pain, but I couldn't move. We were in a strange wooden structure with long moldy burgers on the ground and nothing else. He sat down, apparently planning to mock me in my weak state, and started telling me a story. "How would you feel if you came in here, and knew that not only were these burgers long dead, but so were the people serving them." After which I can't remember the rest of the conversation, and my alarm woke me up.

It may not seem like much of an adventure, but this singular situation with this boy felt like it lasted all night, though no doubt I dreamed something else earlier and don't recall. My dream journal in the future may be a bit shorter, it's just that this one lasted so long.

When I first woke up I remembered I dreamed of my teeth falling out.

Then I took a nap and a few things I dreamed of. I don't know why but I was in a dark place shooting at some lady. She tries to get up but I shoot more...Have no idea why I would be shooting at someone... Then I'm like flying fast on a roller coaster. Its light out. I also see a green bird somewhere else. I'm interested watching the bird.

The dream starts off non-lucid as I am standing outside school talking to friends and one of them was like hey, you're in your underwear bro, and I looked and felt down and he was right. I was only wearing a shirt and underwear, instead of getting embarrassed I just immediately thought "this cannot be real I must be dreaming because a person as careful as I am that tries not to stand out it is very unlike me to make this big of a mistake." Then I thought "well if this is a dream let's find out and I will create things as I go along." I start running down the long sidewalk, cars are honking and people laughing but I don't care and I thought "ok I will run to the side of the building where there is no door but it will be there this time." Boom the door is there and is open, I walk in and at this point everybody is just ignoring me and talking with their friends as they walk to class and then I think "Alright run to English class and I will have a pair of shorts sitting on my desk." I run there and what do you know? there is a pair of shorts sitting on my desk, I grab them and put them on and sit down. Here I "wake up" and sitting in English class, I must have dosed off so I turn and start talking to some of my friends about the dream and I say "I have lucid dreams all the time." Which is a lie it is to and few between. and at this point I really do wake up.

I awoke today actually upset the dream was over. Sadly, in that moment I lost whatever it was that I was dreaming but I do remember the beginning. I was watching a snapchat that Mackenzie posted of her house party. In the party was every girl in her grade I've always wanted to bang. I was so lost in this that I thought to myself "If I could enter this moment I would be a happy man"

I went in.

I was in there but nobody could see me. They could see the results of my actions but time kept looping like a snapchat on repeat. I managed to stop the moment but couldn't communicate. I grabbed emma and undressed her. I softly tasted her, and was filled with joy. Suddenly, I had a jar of peanut butter. I remembered that hilarious porno with peanut butter, so I started fisting all her holes, filling them with the thick peanutty goodness. I then ate it all out, all while she was completely confused, as I was invisible.

The rest of the dream followed a traditional narrative but is forgotten.

Dream - Lucid

It was the zombie apocalypse. I don't remember who it was that I was with, but it was a group. We were living comfortably in a house, feeling quite safe. I remember seeing my bedroom, one I shared with a young girl. It was clean and the queen-sized bed looked comfortable and inviting. Next to the bed I saw a nightstand with a lamp on it.

However, we were moving. I was then looking at an area from above. Things started to look like Roller Coaster Tycoon 4 (mobile version), in that I could place different buildings in an area that had roads laid out. This is where we were moving to. I "placed" buildings from my above POV, as if I was simply playing a video game.

I was then back in my regular view. I was with the group inside a building that we were scouting for zombies. I was sitting on the floor with a couple others, while the rest stood. I saw two, one I distinctly remember being a female with short brown hair pulled into a ponytail and a messed up mouth coming behind some of my friends. I warned the group. They moved aside. I'm not sure what happened to the other zombie, but the female one was going for me. She came at me and was on me. I was keeping her from biting me, but only barely; I really thought I was about to get bit. Then, one of the people that was there with me, a guy, slit his own throat and used his blood to save me from the zombie; something about the blood killed the zombie. I looked at the guy who saved me, and aside from a slightly bloody, drippy slit in his neck, he was totally fine.

At some point, I thought about the fact that we were moving, and I wished we weren't because we were comfortable and happy where we were before.

I then was talking to one of the girls that was with me. We were talking about whether or not we thought the zombies were increasing in number or decreasing. She said
"Oh they are definitely dying."
I then remembered that I was "back" at the beginning of the apocalypse, though everyone else was just at the beginning and was never at the end with me. I thought about the female zombie who almost bit me and noticed how "freshly dead" she still had looked. I had been at the end of the zombie apocalypse previously, and started to explain to the girl how I knew that things weren't going to get better yet.

~

I woke up for over an hour and struggled to go back to sleep. When I finally did, I had an interesting little lucid moment.

I felt myself falling asleep, the head buzz feeling came over me, and I saw a moving picture in front of me, like a movie screen. It reminded me of a country western almost; there was a desert and the sky was pink and orange as if the sun was rising or setting. There was no sound. It took up most of my vision, but I wanted to go into it and get a LD started. I entered the moving picture, and wasn't sure if that would make me wake up or if it worked. I started to see that I was submerging myself in this world, but after that, I lost it. Not even sure if I woke up or continued to dream or not.

~

My daughter had pooped in her diaper and it was leaking onto her clothes.

~

My husband got onto me about not packing up my books like I said I would. (I fully expect this to happen IWL, as I did not pack my books last night like he asked).

May 11 - May 12, 2016: I am on the street, desirous of entering a house. For some reason the ground floor entrance cannot be utilized and a ladder has been erected to a second story window. I have no memory of ascending the ladder. I am inside with a group of five or six colleagues. We are trying to schedule a plaintiff EBT. We have significant concerns regarding bad weather. A heavy snow has been forecast for the next day when the EBT has been scheduled to take place, and this had led to the discussion at hand regarding scheduling.

A young, thin, dark-haired female colleague says she is going to be wearing her pair of tight black ski pants if the weather is bad. I do my best Groucho Marx impression and Groucho Marx walk saying "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." This comes off very awkwardly. When I do my Groucho Marx stride in the tight quarters of the conference room I bumped into her face-to-face and accidentally get an elbow full of her right breast which is very soft. Under the circumstances it is a particularly awkward moment.

Our concern about a heavy snowfall for the next day is odd because I am able to look out a window where a large tree sports beautiful fall colored leaves. I can readily appreciate the subtle red, gold, and brown hues of the leaves on this nearby tree and the more distant vista of a forest in full fall color which is also easily appreciated from inside the room.

The scene shifts. I am outside in my car. In front of me is a four-way intersection. There is a huge pothole that takes up approximately 85% of the intersection. I want to pass the pothole to the right but would need to maneuver my car well into the intersection coming in on my right. A car and driver waiting in the intersection to my right has pulled up too far into the intersection to allow me to do this. His car blocks my desired path and precludes me from going around the pothole. I am greatly annoyed by this and think to myself that he is an idiot. I am going to have to drive up onto the curb and sidewalk to get around this pothole. I wake. The time is 4:09 AM.

Quo vadis? is Latin for "Where are you going?" I don't think the Romans used question marks though. The phrase is associated with a biblical scene, when Peter sees Jesus after his resurrection and asks where he is going. Jesus replies that he is going to Rome to be crucified again.

---

I find myself in a grocery store. This is a common scene for me in both waking and dreaming. So far, I have procured all my items and now I approach the checkout lanes. I see that they are all long. That fact makes me a bit discouraged, but also I have patience. There is no other option but to wait, so I am content to wait.

As I wait, I glance around. By chance, I spot someone I recognize from waking. She is in the produce section, examining some fruit. Let's call her Siren, which is not far from her real name. She has been in just a few of my dreams, but in my recollection, all lucid. The incredulity of seeing her here makes me lucid once again. I stare at her. She is darkly tanned with long dark hair. She wears a black cocktail dress that perfectly complements her form. At this distance I don't see her face but, having recognized her, I bring my memory of her waking visage to mind. She has a beautiful face with striking hazel eyes and a warm smile.

Time passes. The checkout lane shuffles forward a bit. I remain in revery, staring at Siren as she chooses her oranges and onions and whatever. I am entranced. I am "lucid" but not lucid. In other words, I am self-aware but not clear-thinking. This is a common theme of my dreams recently. Perhaps it is a theme of my waking state too.

A thought enters my mind: What are you doing? It is a reminder that I have been trying to entrain in myself. It reminds me that I should be doing rather than merely being or observing. In this moment, I don't actually act but the thought does alter the dreamscene.

On cue, Siren turns and spots me. She smiles and I see her face, just as I remember it. Her hazel irises are piercing in the middle of the whites of her eyes, which contrast so strikingly with her tan skin. Similarly, her smile is pearlescent and radiant. It is hypontizingly attractive, and all the more so because she is looking and smiling at me. She begins to walk toward me, with her basket held just-so at her hip.

"Where are you going?" she asks me. She is Turkish and has an endearing accent to her English.

I look to my right, at the line of people waiting for the checkout counter. It hasn't moved. "No-where," I answer to her question.

She tilts her head, as if pondering the deeper meaning of my response. After a beat, her smile broadens. "Come with me," she offers.

Now, I tilt my head and ponder the deeper meaning of her words. Or, more accurately, the possible sexual meaning. I am suddenly filled with lust. The scene of the grocery store fades away. Her dress fades away too. I am now staring at her naked body, tan and lithe. I entertain visions of touching her, and, though I don't yet act them out in the dreamscene, the visions are nonetheless made manifest in the dream on some level, in a way that can only happen in dreams.

I catch myself in this fantasy. Once again, I think: What are you doing? And to that, I add her words: Where are you going?

I pull my attention away from her body and back to her face. She is still smiling, innocently. I'm only dreaming. What does that mean?

I was a transgender man named Eden. Eden was tall and lanky guy who was pale and had bad acne scars. For some reason Eden had breathing problems and he was always tired. Eden was always sweaty and his hair always was moist with sweat. Eden was about 5'8ft he had blue eyes and brown hair that was styled in a crew cut. He mostly wore super baggy clothes. I think it more had to do with him being so thin. His favorite shirt was a light tan plant T-shirt. Black dull worn pants with a pare of light brown work leather boots. He had a long oval face with a sharp nose and big knitted brows. Planted just blow his Caterpillar eyebrows were a pair of brown triangle glasses. Eden lived some where in Alaska in a small dark brown log cabin with his mother and father. Oldy his mother and father looked an awful alout alike. His mother was a small woman who was about 5'4ft and his father was 5'8 like Eden. I say his parents looked alike because they both had gray curly hair and round faces both had blue eyes. It was like she was Tweedledee and he was Tweedledum. The only difference was Eden father had a mustache. It all started when Eden Dawned his dark blue coat to go outside. He stepped out into the cold weather and stared off into the distance at his front porch. The porch was made of wood as was the entire log cabin. Even the deck and fencing around the porch was wood. As soon as Eden stepped outside he felt ill and leaned against the house. Even though it was chilly Eden felt hot and his vision blurred. He started breathing hard trying to catch his breath. But ended up fogging up his glasses in the process. His father came around from the back of the house. He immediately rushed to Eden's side dropping the fire wood. Once he saw his son bent over clutching his side. "Eden son whats wrong?" asked his father. Eden could hardly breath he was in such unbearable pain. Edens father reached over and felt his sons head. "Eden your running a fever lets get you inside!" Edens father called down his mother. "Honey can you go fetch a bucket of water and a wash cloth?" Edens mom shook her head yes and left. Edens father reached into a cabinet in the kitchen and grabbed the thermometer. The kitchen was connected to the living room. All the cabinets and tables were made of mahogany wood. The kitchen was left dimly lit by the stove light. The floor was a brown tile. The rug in the living room was dirty white. Which was once clean but now browned with age. In the living room was one big black leather sofa. With a brown blanket folded and neatly layed on it. Edens father had him lay on the sofa. Edens mother came into the living room with the bucket and wash cloth in hand." I called the doctor Hun she'll be here soon." She looked at Eden told him to rest up. Before she could leave Eden called his mother back."Wait mom could it be you know my period. You know because i haven't got it it could have just arrived late. That's why im hurting so much." She looked at Eden then told him to go check. Eden got up and made his way to the bathroom in the hall way. He pulled down his trousers and purple boxers. Eden was relieved and sighted in content. He made his way out of the bathroom. Eden went back to the living room and laid down on the couch. He woke up in even more pain and when he got up his pants and couch had blood on them. "What the heck i didn't know you could bleed this much from a period?" Eden felt light headed and thirsty so he went to his room to change. Then he came out to see the doctor and everyone looking concerned at the amount of blood on the couch. "Eden your mother told me about your terrible cramps and heavy bleeding and late period. Could i see your under wear you changed out of?" Eden pointed to his room and his mother retrieved the purple boxers. Which had brown discharge. Eden the doctor inquired Have you had unprotected sex? Uhh yeah Why but im on testosterone doesn't that keep me from getting pregnant? "Eden his mother said tears welled up in her eyes your having a miscarriage."

I feel that there really isn't much to be said about this one. Any thoughts to be had come quickly, and any semblance of images fade. But there is one image, one picture that is stuck in my memory; it will remain there, I think. I see the outside of my house, but it is slightly different. It contains more greenery, almost like it is a garden. There is a group of people standing outside, and I feel that they are friends. However, when i travel outside, they have disappeared, and what remains now gives me a feeling of unease. It is a group of people who I perceive wish to do harm to me and my friends. That is all I can remember about it. I know for a fact there was much more to this dream, and I hate that I can't remember all of it.

I have to say that I have not really been enjoying these dreams I have been remembering lately as much as I had hoped. There is nothing really striking or beautiful or meaningful about them. They just seem random, and they disturb me when I am in the midst of them. Even still, I wish I could remember them better. But I suppose I am grateful I have been remembering anything lately. For a while it seemed like I never could remember my dreams. No matter, I am hopeful for tonight. I desire a journey, a meaningful experience, a thought provoking encounter, a love.

I find myself standing standing in a yard area resembling my childhood home. I realize I am in a dreamscape, and take in the surreal environenment and the slight glow to all it's contents. There is a dim blue pervading the entire scene, providing that extra "LD" quality to the whole thing. In front of me stands a tree in the shape of an upside-down bowling ball. To my right is a two story structure with a small squar table set in front. To the left is a very dark body of water with a row of dark shrubbery behind. I feel that going to the left may destabilize the dream, and I decide that I want it to last a long time. I turn to the right and head toward the square table, aware that there is a set of white balls on them resembling pool balls. I am aware that they serve some sort of function, and am interested to go over and find out what they are for. As soon as I start to head over, the dream abruptly ends and I wake up.