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Thought I'd add another dream to my log.

The only thing I remember of last night, is that I was murdering children. Yes. With my bare hands. And I didn't feel anything. No anger, no remorse, nothing. I think I killed a dozen of them, and was still doing this when I woke up. I have plenty of violent dreams, or "rage dreams" in which someone pisses me off or attacks me, but this was unprovoked. Very disturbing.

I recall only a short fragment, in which I was working in forestry inspectorate.

Outside view of ‘my house’ [not house in waking life] It is dark outside, but the house is white and lit by moonlight. On the roof there is a small cemetery. Suddenly I am in the house, upstairs, near the window facing the cemetery. I hear a voice whispering my name: ‘soooolaaeeetttiiiaaa…I’m looking for sssooolllaaaeettiiaa…’ I open the window and there is a small creature with a black hooded cloak. It asks me if I will tickle it. <This sounds way more scary as I type it than it was experiencing it. The creature, although it’s skeletal face was mostly obscured, seemed benign.

I was working at the old cafe, but we had desks and small 8”-10” retro monitors. One of my monitors just said ‘baseball’ in white type on a black screen. A man who was either just hired or a new client hovered over me as another boss/employee explained what I was working on. I felt my space was being violated. Later, I was in the restroom and a man walked in looking around for things. I yelled at him to get out, and he argued that he knows what I look like and isn’t interested in me, he just needed some things from this room. Again, I felt violated.

People from the cafe were boxing up there things, I was one of the last people in the building. I had three bags and many different clothes and shoes that I was trying to gather and decide what to wear. A girl was lugging her things out and remarked on all the people being jailed. I responded that I was surprised or something, and she asked me in a slight shock if I wasn’t being arrested too? I said no they hadn’t arrested me, and she seemed to think that was unfair and continued on her way.


Thoughts:
My dreams seem uninteresting and meaningless at the moment, and I don’t feel like I am gaining much insight- expect that I am not very attend to my inner self at the moment. Maybe that’s the point. I feel distracted by things going on in my waking life. I know though that continuing to journal I will have some break throughs and get back to where I want to be, and hopefully progress from there.

Dream 1-Non-lucid: I was in this great big school & it was very detailed & we went to another school even. My mindset was trying to give helpful advice & interact a lot & I was really popular. Finally I told everyone to guess how old I was & people were guessing 10-15 yrs older than I really am. I was saying "really, I look that old?" Then I told them that I just wanted to go back to school for a different experience & that I have done this before.


That was a reoccurring dream but the details are always different. I have these because I was torn from my home when I was 13 & went to a bunch of different foster homes & 2 yrs in a group home. I also didn't have a regular graduation but did get my GED on my own over a 2 week period when I was 17 so I always was proud of how I actually graduated before everyone else did. I didn't want to stay in the state system any longer than necessary. I would have had to repeat my junior year to missing too much school because I had was out of school due to my appendix & wisdom teeth so making up a month of work wasn't possible. Hence the reoccurring dream.


Dream 2-Non-lucid: I was living in this house which was dilapidated & found another house under my house which was pristine & was completed furnished with kids rooms & another door that led outside complete with a porch. I asked someone if I would now have more equity to get a loan to fix up the part of the house I had previously lived in & they said yes so I started doing this. Some guy came to my front door which I now have 2 of but almost like it was a duplex kind of set up with 2 porches but now 1 complete house. The guy had a little girl & little boy & he was asking about my mysterious house. I explained to him that this has happened to me before. My porch was covered with all of these beautiful plants!

This dream also was a reoccurring dream with differences. Sometimes I find a crazy big labyrinth of another house that goes on & on & sometimes it has other things such as portholes or floors that you could fall through. But to have 2 reoccurring dreams in one night, let alone back to back is a first. The house dream is also about me moving a million times & living in places that are not ideal. My current house has been through sooooo much shit that I will have to pay off before I can move. No more insurance coverage for anything at this point. It's been through the big Joplin tornado, had a house fire, had massive storms that have had my neighbors trees fall through my roof twice. The limbs also came through when we had the tornado. Another time one came through my front porch & through the floor of it. Hole is still there. Frozen water pipes. Destroyed carpets & tiles. Bathroom with a floor that was torn up when a guy put in our toilet. Omg, the list just goes on & on.... Don't feel sorry for me. I don't. I just deal with it & pray for change in the future.

Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Explanation of details-Blue
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Fall asleep faster by not staring into the back of my eyelids. Stare off into the distance; through your eyelids. Visualize passively looking at a far-away point such as the a cloud in the sky or a tree top in the horizon. The purpose is to relax your eyeballs and the muscles that control them.

Just remembered another dream fragment as I was scrolling through dream journals.

Dream 3 (fragment):
My childhood dog Stormy is in the house, playing with me, energetic as can be. Then I realize it's weird that I'm seeing her, I haven't seen her in a long time. Then I look over and my parent's current dog, Reilly, is laying on the floor. Stormy goes over to him and they start playing. It's good they can get along, I think.

This could have been an obvious dreamsign, since Stormy died 5 years ago IRL, but I was too into the dream to realize. It was nice to see her, though.

Bedtime:
10:15pm
Wakeup:
7:30am

Recall wasn't so good last night, I didn't have my focus. I had a 10 hour work day, so my sleep was very deep. Did recall one solid dream though.

Dream 1
I was at a mass in a town near where I grew up, and my whole family was there. Halfway into the mass, this woman started giving a presentation, but there was some kids who were being really loud. I didn't witness exactly what happened, but the woman made these kids leave. I saw the mother gather her children and yell "Don't worry, we won't be coming back!" and she looked really angry. The next thing I know, my aunt goes up to the woman and ruins her presentation. She scribbles all over her whiteboard and says some stuff to her about how you can't just kick children out of the church. Then she realizes how embarrassing her actions were and starts crying. I get up and take her to the sacristy, and she's crying and says she was just really mad at how the woman treated that family. Then the priest comes in to talk to her, and I'm just sort of observing the whole thing. I forget what he was saying to her, but then the woman came in and she seemed really embarrassed and emotional as well. My aunt wouldn't talk to her or even look at her, and then I think we left.

Dream 2 (fragment):
This fragment is like a fake memory from high school, there's a bunch of kids from my class in a park behind my house, and we're all doing this music video with choreographed dancing and singing. I remember seeing my best friend from high school, who I haven't spoken to in years IRL, and I just remember avoiding her the whole time, even though we were still in high school and supposedly still friends. Awkward feelings...

I make my way out of the garage of my childhood home at night with a younger girl who is tagging along with me. We head through the open garage doors, out onto the driveway. The entire scene is covered in a light layer of snow, and the driveway is slightly iced over. The scene is at night time. We begin to slide down, yet I simply decide to fly down the slope toward the street and explain that it's easier. As I'm gliding it occurs to me, and I state that I'm dreaming. I float to the middle of the road and decide to rub hands to stabilize and focus on increasing vividness. I decide against flying again as I want to try to prolong the dream and feel flying may de-stabilize. I turn to my left and begin considering some goals to keep me anchored. I run my memory and suddenly remember my pre-bed intent to meet up with the druid guides in this dream area. I turn right once again in the area that I previously met the druids at. I spot a large house at the other side of the street and begin to head toward it. I'm interested to see who is inside, and to speak with them. I work my way across the front lawn and toward the large structure which appears a bit more like a small mansion, with slight purple coloring on the outside. I approach the massive black metal Gothic looking doors, and enter into the dark mansion. It is difficult to see, but I make out a small balcony across the way on the second story. I look up and see a small poster which appears to be colored crayons in a row. It appears very empty with limited visibility so I decide to enter back out through where I came. I keep making my way, but black walls keep reappearing, and I'm unable to exit. I transition back to my body with small vibrations.

22:

>Dreamed I was in a garage and (the height of myself when I was the age of four) was hugging my Grandma around her leg and she said "It's been a long time" or "It's been a while" (since I did so)

>Dreamed I saw my Grandfather, who passed away 12 days prior - he was in his house sitting down and may have had his younger (dark) hair too.
>Grandma was also there - twice? (?)

23:

Dreamed I saw a bunch of my own cars in a garage, some were Wagons and one was a 1991 Ford Sedan in a creamy color. One was a nicely brown-ish Ford with what would have been a hood emblem in the front as a badging like a 1985 Caprice would have.

While still in the garage, talked with a man in a Semi truck while I was probably sitting in the passenger seat (the perspective was in the cab) The truck driver had dark hair and glasses and wasn't overly fat but was more on the heavy set side (225 pounds maybe?) and he may have been wearing a green T shirt with some lettering on it. I think the subject was about how he died by the right side of his face being ground while his head was outside the Semi window (But how would that happen unless his head was sideways since I'm in America and the driver's side is on the left?) but he didn't notice it at first, then he parked the truck in a Walmart parking lot and fell over.

The last one may have something to do with my Grandfather as he was a truck driver for many years.

Through visualizing and being very comfortable in bed, I watch as a long road in the countryside becomes a lucid dream. I float my hands in front of me and lose lucidity. I then focus again and re- emerge into another place, this time in New Zealand, with the beautiful Remarkables (mountains in South Island) right in front of me. We are in a hotel room, and my companion is also there. I tip the waiter 50 NZD. At the hotel room, I'm lying down on the hotel bed, pristine white sheets cover the bed. I have stabilized the dream. I do another reality check to be sure and confirm that I am dreaming. I then take a walk to the kitchen and feel like having some water. I drink some and it actually tastes quite nice. A little different, but nice. I then think of getting my magnetic card from my pocket "for the other planet" I say. Instead, I feel a white visiting card with some lettering on it that I don't remember anymore. Blue lettering on white.

Through another WILD entry, I enter a dream scene where I see lots of dream characters walking about in an observatory type dwelling. There's music playing. I meet an intelligent dream character, a woman about my age , short brown hair, and is wearing Jean shorts.
We talk.
"Where are are we"? I ask
I look outside, beautiful stars fill the sky. There's a red glow in the distance. It looks magical.
"Vancouver," she replies. "The Underground median link."
"What?", I ask.
You're from 2016 yeah? She asks.
Yes, but , which year are you and ....
"We're here after the last war broke out." she says.

Suddenly I find ourselves in a bus and another dream character from inside the bus says:
"We don't have humans on board do we?"
This remark is puzzling to me.
I hear the faint sounds of sirens.
I use dream control to make them go away. This works for a little bit.
A policeman runs up to the van and scans us over.
"You need to do your shit now, whatever it is you do" the dream character warns.
I exit.

Bed: ~23.15 (had to hunt a mosquito first)
Wake up: ~08.30 (cause I was awake for a large part of the night, until I managed to off the mosquito at 4am)
Now: 09.05

I'm working in the cinema where I used to work as a teenager. The lay out of the building is the way it was before it was remodelled. I'm standing behind the counter. It's quite busy and it's disorganised. On our side, there is popcorn all over the floor. I attempt to clean up a few times, using a broom. The 2(?) times when I'm holding a broom, the dream is more detailed, as I'm really paying attention to the broom.

I know I had 3 dreams for sure but Meesha Cat just kept sitting on my head & all that kind of stuff. My son is home from college & I think she feels her rhythm is kind of off. My son stays up all night gaming & she likes to hunt bunnies at night. She's okay with him being here this time but it's just thrown her off. The last time he was here for spring break we had just gotten her & she was marking her territory & even him while he was sleeping which of course was sooooo funny! But anyway, none of my dreams were lucid but I did have 3 for sure... Hubby started his 3 day vacation today at 4 so maybe I'll just chill & take whatever comes my way this weekend.

I am playing baseball with a bunch of people I know and some I don't know. Among those I know is my boyfriend's older friend P, and a guy I work with E, along with friends from high school and college like EG. It's my turn to bat, and I walk over to the plate. Everyone starts joking around. E says he's gotta step back because I might hit him with the ball, and P says he's going to step closer to throw the ball so I can hit it easier. EG steps closer saying that if I do manage to hit the ball it's not going to go far. I joke back telling them I'm the best they'll ever see and there's no need to step back, I'll blast it too far for anyone to catch anyways. P surprised me by throwing the ball in mid joke, so of course I don't even swing at it and E isn't expecting it either so he doesn't catch it. The ball flies past E, bounces on the ground, and then rolls down a hill into some woods. we go to get the ball, and stop at the top of the hill. It's super steep, and at the bottom are three figures laying in the grass. We can't tell if they are mannequins or dead women and everyone gets quiet for a bit. Some girl who I don't know in real life gets brave and scampers down the hill to touch one of the thing's hands. she runs back up the hill and reports that it felt like some sort of gel so it must be a mannequin. Everyone else buys this, shrugs, and goes inside. I notice one of the women moan and move slightly and know they must be dead bodies, but one is still alive! I run inside the house to tell everyone, and someone suggests I call 911. I try to call from inside the house, but all those people make it too loud. I step outside onto the front porch to make the call where it is quieter. A guy with shoulder length dark hair and kind of an emo cut is on his way up the porch steps as I walk out though. I recognize him as my older brother's best friend (I don't have an older brother lol) and say hey to him. He says hey back, and then I notice his hoodie. The hoodie reminds me that I had given my older brother the money for a hoodie, but he had told me it was going to cost me $50 less than I thought it would. I realize int he dream that his best friend had given him money to help me pay for the hoodie because we played the game the hoodie had the logo for online together.I think the hoodie said battlefield in red hollowed block letters with splatters of red all around it on the back. I tell him I know he helped me pay for my hoodie, and that I really appreciate it. I give him a platonic hug, and then ask him if we can play the game after I call 911. He seems pretty happy about that and goes inside. My big brother is outside walking my dogs so I wave to him as well and them start trying to call 911. I can't get my phone to work right though. At first it tries to open the internet browser, then it tries to call 611 instead of 911. After several attempts the call finally goes through. When the dispatcher guy answers the phone, I have a hard time understanding him. I ask him to repeat that please, and then I notice a ten year old girl walk out of the house. She's black so I think she might be E's daughter. Then I notice a dude with an Afro and solid white eyes walking up the hill that the bodies are at the bottom of carrying a chair. I run over to the girl and tell her to go back inside. She worries that I might be hurt outside, and I tell her not to worry that my brother and his buddy will have my back if there's trouble. Then I tell the dispatcher that we have another situation starting. The guy with whited out eyes sets the chair down and runs off back down the hill, but another guy comes up the hill to pick the chair back up and walk up the street with it. A blonde chic runs out of the house screaming that the guy with the chair is stealing her clothes. When I turn and look back the chair has turned into a flowery green crochet tank top. I run after him and tackle him to the ground. My older brother and his dark haired friend come rushing out of the house to help hold the guy down. The blonde chic pulls a giant rolled up carpet out of no where and rolls it out and around the fence corner. It's a timeline of her relationship with her current boyfriend complete with pictures and dates of what she deems important events. I wake up.

*Side note, pretty sure the dark haired friend was a musician (or maybe a fan running that musician's facebook fan page, I honestly don't know who's picture was on the page lol) that I had looked up yesterday hoping to find more than the handful of songs I knew by him? Her? I thought about that when one of those songs cam eon my MP3 player and I remembered I felt the same comfortable and familiar vibes from that dc that I do when I listen to those songs.