Recent DJ Posts

Once again, family was very prevalent in my dreams from last week. Also the theme of failing or things not going as expected popped up.

Did not go lucid at all.

May 16th -

My mom and I went on our yearly trip. In the dream I was in college and I skipped a lot of classes and failed my final exam. Everything was very dark. Then spent some time at my old house. My Pop Pop was there, and there was a party going on. My grandma smoked pot. We were talking about whether we could get her home, and my grandma was laughing. Mom and I got to the hotel for our trip (called the Avalon). We went swimming in the pool. My mom said that she likes going to the pool after the beach.

May 17th -

My cousin and I were back in PA, and we went to Wal-Mart. We were both having surgery on the same upcoming weekend. Her surgery was on her right arm. It was getting removed because there was too much pain. The next day I was having surgery on my right hip. Told her I was really nervous because I never had surgery where I had to go under anesthesia. I was scared I would wake up. Cousin tried to drive between two cars and hit a blue car. SHe kept driving and I told her to stop and call the police or I would

May 18th -

I was in a dirty bathroom. While in one of the stalls I saw a huge centipede type bug (about 6 inches). I screamed, and someone asked me what was wrong. I said “Nothing.” I felt like I shouldn’t tell.

May 19th -

I dreamed I got paid from work, and the only thing that went through to my account was a small reimbursement. Then I was at work doing orientation for new hire. On my break I tried to cancel a credit card payment I scheduled to go through. Ended up paying over $100 on a payment, and added someone to my card for $30. The person’s name was Charlie and he was in his 50s. I called customer service. Heard a prompt to go on their website since it could take a long time to reach someone. I did get a hold of a rep but this person was disengaged and not helpful. Then I dreamed about going onto the floor for an audit at work. The two managers were role playing and the one said that it was important to walk in front of the co-worker.

2017, 05-19

Search for Asuka

I am in an amusement park with my mom and my brother John. We are waiting in line for a ride, it seems we have been waiting forever. We finally get up to be next and one of the cars pulls up to the platform. There are three seats there, perfect for the three of us. John gets on, then my mom, but when I was going to get on a bear comes from behind me, walking upright like a human, and takes my seat on the ride. My mom says I’ll just have to catch the next one. I’m annoyed that there is a bear taking my seat. The ride leaves and I walk away from it, passing two more bears who are next in line. I wander through the amusement park for a bit to find a ride I will go on by myself. I find a hall of mirrors and I decide to go in there.

As I am walking into the hall of mirrors I see a man waiting at the entrance for me. I immediately recognize the man as MoSh. He asks if I think she is somewhere inside this maze. I ask who. He says Asuka, of course. Isn’t that why we’re here? So we go into the hall of mirrors and start looking around. The first thing I notice is the mirrors don’t reflect either MoSh or me. But they reflect each other in an infinity of mirrors which is quite disoriented. It’s hard to see where the paths are, so we make our way through it like blind people, groping our way with our hands. After making our way through the hall of mirrors for a while we find an exit. The exit leads to a large garden, a beautiful garden. There are many colorful flowers and green bushes and I hear water flowing somewhere nearby. I look around and MoSh wanders off a bit, then he says he sees her. I look in the direction MoSh is looking and I see a Japanese woman in a kimono. It’s Asuka.

MoSh and I head over to see Asuka, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with her. But as we are passing a hedge the thing attacks us! I see MoSh has a sword and he cuts the vines reaching for us. I use an Alex Mercer blade arm to cut more vines reaching for me. After a bit of pruning we get to where Asuka is. MoSh asks her where she’s been, she says she’s been here in the garden. MoSh says this isn’t her garden, though. Asuka seems disoriented as if she was on drugs or something. I look at some flowers that Asuka had been tending and getting too close to them makes me feel a bit light headed. Those must be there to keep Asuka drugged so she doesn’t try to leave. I tell Asuka she’ll feel better once she’s back in her own garden. She looks puzzled, but says ok. I focus on Through the Never and on getting to MoSh’s inner world. The portal opens and all three of us go through. Asuka says she feels sleepy and would like to rest. I figure the drug needs to wear off. MoSh takes her to a bedroom to rest, everything around me fades and I wake up.

2017, 05-19

Fish Volcano

I am out with my friend Alicia and we are at a mall. We are walking around and shopping as we usually do at a mall. Alicia wants to go see the pets in the pet store so we go there and go in. We look around for a while, there are puppies up for adoption from a local shelter and hamsters and guinea pigs… and fish. For some reason I am drawn to the fish. I see one real pretty fish that is in a small bowl. I look at the fish and think that would be a cool fish to have. A pet store employee says this is a different form of beta fish, and doesn’t need a lot of room to swim but does need to be able to get to the surface because it partly breathes the air. I look at the fish and bowl price for the package and it’s almost $50 just for a small bowl, some rocks to put in the bottom, a fake plant, some food, and the fish. That seems like a lot, but as Alicia points out, I have a job so I buy it.

I go out to the car and it was Alicia who drove to the mall so I get in the passenger seat. We drive towards her place, but somewhere along the way Alicia turned into my grandmother and we started heading to my place. I didn’t notice the change. We are turning off of the freeway onto the street that leads to my house when I see there is lava pouring down the street. The volcano is erupting! I tell my grandmother that there’s no way we’ll get past to the house, we have to turn back. We turn around and go a short ways before the tires of the car melt and we have to get out and run. My grandmother is doing quite well at running… I am trying to flag down a ride, but no one will stop. We barely make it to a place where there is a trench cut in the ground with a metal grid bridge over it meant to let people cross but lava will flow through the holes and into the trench. My grandmother and I get across before they close it off, so we’re safe. I look at what I’m carrying and see I brought my fish with me, the fish is just swimming in the small bowl, oblivious to everything. I am thinking I should call home to make sure my mom is ok but I wake up.

2017, 05-18

Distracting the Eye of Sauron

I am in a place I don’t recognize, standing on the top of a hill with numerous warriors all decked out in battle armor with swords and spears ready for action. I look around and see a few familiar faces, I see Gandalf, Aragorn, and Boromir around me. Several people step forward and call out the Dark Lord for crimes against Gondor, I go with them. An ugly man comes out through the cracked gate on an even uglier horse. He calls himself the mouth of Sauron and basically starts talking shit about everyone there. I can’t help it… I say he sounds more like the ass of Sauron with all the shit he’s spewing. He looks at me but is silent for a bit as if not sure what to say. He then sees Gandalf and starts talking shit again, presenting Gandalf with Frodo’s gear taken when he was temporarily captured. Pippin jumps out and looks afraid, so I quickly whisper to him that no, the enemy doesn’t have Frodo or Sam, I can’t prove it now, but I know it to be true. He remains silent as Gandalf rejects some very unreasonable demands for the release of the alleged prisoner and takes Frodo’s things, supposedly to remember him by.

The ugly mouth / ass of Sauron turns and rides quickly back to the large black gates as they swing open wide, and hordes of enemies start flooding through the gate and from the surrounding mountains both from in front of and behind us. Our forces are completely surrounded. I quick tell Gandalf that I’m going to drop an Immortal Fire right in the middle of our warriors to force the enemies back, but our people needn’t worry, the fire won’t burn any but those with black hearts. I then make my way to the center of the group, figuring to give our people some breathing room. “And suddenly the unreal silence is broken by a lament... a lament coming up from the deepest, darkest abyss. And from the seven gates of the dark fortress the dead come back to life to face them! This is hell...” Light energy erupts all around me now, getting the attention of those nearest me. Aragorn is telling them my fire won’t burn them, only those with dark hearts. “Immortal fire now rise, light my heart, light my way through the darkness, a guardian of space and time!” The energy explodes out from my position, not touching any of the warriors of Gondor and Rohan, but blasting away at the enemies with the force of an atomic bomb. I put all the energy into it that I can, take out all the enemies I can and definitely attract the attention of the giant red eye of Sauron.

After the Immortal Fire finishes I see there are no longer any enemies very close to our people. There are still plenty of enemies out there, but at least for the moment they seem to be keeping their distance. I am wondering what may be next when I see large shapes flying in the sky, coming our way. Everyone seems to be a bit freaked out as they see there are three dragons heading our way. But our people have nothing to worry about, two of the dragons, a blue one and a red one, attack the enemy armies, and the third dragon, a Blue Eyes White Dragon, swoops down and plucks me up and pikas at me as he sets me on his back. I see the other dragons from up here, and I see one of them has a man on its back, that’s MoSh! I wonder how he came to be here. As if I’d asked the question aloud, Q speaks in my mind and says he went and brought MoSh back since I wasn’t lucid enough to pick him up on the way. By now the enemies are attacking again, and MoSh and I are diving in on dragons to attack them. Then I see the Nazgul on their winged monsters and engage one of them in a dogfight type maneuver in the sky, me on my Blue Eyes White Dragon against him on his ugly demon steed. We dodge past the dark energy attacks he uses and nail him with light energy lightning. I turn in time to see MoSh is facing off against two Nazgul, the dragon he is on blasts one of them to dust and the other dragon, who is riderless, blasts the other one. I am about to engage another Nazgul, but I don’t get a chance before I wake up.

I am a college campus in the front parking lot. For some reason I need to find a big steak to go feed some lions I saw earlier. I look around the parking lot full of cars for the steak. I find a really big piece of steak but it has grass growing on it. I tell a dream figure I found a steak but it's not the one I was looking for, that this one has grass. The dream figure tells me to take a brush and brush the grass off. I get two pieces of steak ready and go to the bank and trade it in. They make a mistake so the lady just gives me $150 so I can go and buy meat to feed the lions. Now I try to find someone to come with me because I am scared that the lions will eat me. I am changing my shoes for something more appropriate for the jungle when my 16-year-old cousin pulls up. I give up on her coming with me because she is in a bad mood and get in my 2013 Hyundai Accent that I totaled in rl and star driving to go buy the steaks. I am driving really fast and don't see a really big dip in the road so my car flies up and I momentarily lose control but I'm good. I keep driving.

Ritual: The new Twin Peaks started last night, so I watched the usual Sunday shows in their second round and didn't get to bed until after 2am. I woke around 7 or 8 and looked at my iPad a bit, enough to wake up my mind, with the usual vague intention to make this into a WBTB, but the only other mental preparation I did was to remind myself that dreaming involves proprioreception, so I should pay attention to my whole body as I fell back asleep. It was 9am when I woke after the dream, which I felt had lasted only a few minutes.

FA-WILD: During my WBTB, my husband mentioned that he was going to the grocery store this morning, so when I was half-woken by the sound of the garage door, I knew he must have left. This much was evidently a real perception, but right after that, still believing I was half awake, I heard voices. I knew my brother was in his room on the other side of the house, but I couldn't account for the other voices. [DL: My brother lives on the other side of the country, and the room I thought he was in does not exist.] Was he on the phone? But there were several voices, and the sounds of people moving around. Had he invited friends over? Then I recognized one of the voices as that of my maternal grandmother. [DL: She died over twenty years ago.]

Despite the dreamlogic, these observations did actually make me wonder if I was dreaming the voices, not because of the incongruities that would have been obvious to a waking mind, but only because of my conviction that if my husband just left for the store, then no one else (besides my brother) should be in the house so early in the morning. I tested to see if I was getting any dream imagery, and sure enough, when I partially closed my eyes, the four flaps of a manually closed cardboard box appeared superimposed over the rumpled covers of the bed that I had thought I was seeing with my waking eyes. [DL: In retrospect, is it apparent that everything I observed after hearing the garage door was already in dream, so I was mistaken in believing that I had woken up. My mind was half awake, despite the dream logic, which is what led to the confusion about which perceptions were dreamed and which were real.]

I realized that if I was already seeing dream imagery, then if I was careful I could probably "get up" out of bed and into the dream just like I do in WILDs. This was easily done. I crossed the room, an accurate likeness of my bedroom, and opened the window to look outside toward what I understood to be my brother's room, on the second floor above the attached shed. [DL: The shed has no second storey.] The ground was covered with snow, and I did recognize that this was incongruous with the current season. It gave me the idea to do the TOTY that I had attempted a couple times earlier, the sled ride.

The last shot of the final show I watched last night was a woman diving backwards over the edge of a boat to go scuba diving. It made an impression on me because I had only ever dived into water face first, and at the time I had tried to imagine what it would feel like to enter the water that way. Now, as I was about to jump out the window, I decided to do it backwards like a scuba diver. For a moment I felt like I was falling and wondered if I would actually hit the ground, but then the nongravity of dream caught me pleasantly in an inverted arc, and I settled gently to my feet.

I remembered the last few times I had attempted the sled task, and how I had overcomplicated it to the point where I kept waking up before I could finish. This time I decided I'd better just get it done, even if my solutions weren't elegant. So instead of going to the trouble of finding or manifesting the necessary sled and mountaintop, I just asserted these conditions into existence. I'm on a sled, riding down a mountain. As is typical when I "brute force" things in dream, initially it felt like a fiction, but soon I began to feel plausible sensations of sitting on a sled and sliding down the snowy slope. It was far from my best work, but it sufficed.

I was sufficiently familiar with the task that before I had even intended it, my sled slipped through an irregular opening like the mouth of a cave, into a wide dark space. But then I wondered if this was good enough—I hadn't read the terms of the task in ages. Would a cave suffice, or did it have to be a proper hole through the surface of the earth? I couldn't remember, so I decided to play it safe and conjured a perfectly round hole, like the sort of thing you might see in a cartoon, just in front of me on the lower floor of the cave. My sled and I slipped right through, and at this point my interest perked up, because I didn't know what to expect, and had not planned or intended anything past this point.

It was dark down here, and I had no sense of the borders of the space, yet I could see the details nearest me perfectly well in the nonlight of dream. The place felt public and even familiar—familiar as a type rather than a specific location—but I can't think of how to relate it to anything in WL. A "town square" might be the closest analogue, but of course in WL town squares don't tend to be in enormous caverns underground.

I felt my mind shift over into observation mode and began to take deliberate note of the things I saw, but at the same time I felt really hungry and couldn't resist impulsively tasting everything. [WL: I hadn't eaten much for dinner and had even felt hungry again by the time I went to bed, so this was a genuine bleedthrough sensation.]

My sled had disappeared in the transition through the hole, so now I was on foot. The first object that I passed, on my left, was a piece of fabric that had been fashioned into the form of an elephant, about about eighteen inches wide. It was attached to the top of a pole stuck in the ground, elevating it to just above waist height. I pulled the fabric elephant off the pole to give it a closer look as I continued to walk. White was the dominant color, but the details were stitched in brightly-hued threads, red and blue and green. The base fabric had a thick pile, almost fur-like, akin to what you might see on a stuffed animal, but the object overall was flat, lightly padded like a thin quilt. My hunger impelled me to take a big bite, and in my mouth it had the taste and texture of a sort of bland taffy. (Tastes are rarely very distinctive in my dreams.) I dropped it and moved on.

The next object I encountered was also on a waist-high pole, and about the same size as the elephant. This one was made of paper and a bit more three-dimensional—it resembled a large origami fish folded from patterned paper. The taste and texture were even less remarkable, but I was so hungry it felt good to be chewing something.

As I observed with mild amusement the way my hunger was driving me to try to eat things that didn't even resemble food, the rational part of my mind responded that this being a dream, there was no reason I shouldn't try to eat literally anything I could see. I put this to the test, breaking off random bits of any surface I came across and nibbling on them. One thing I remember distinctly was a table. It was a round table covered by a long, dark-hued tablecloth. I think there was a vase of flowers in the center but otherwise it was bare, so I grabbed a hank of the tablecloth and started noshing on that. I was cramming far more in my mouth than I ever would in WL, but I didn't worry since I knew that this stuff had no real substance.

I was still in snacking mode when I came across a white-bearded gentleman in a navy blue blazer. The bronze buttons caught my eye, and without so much as saying hello, much less asking permission, I reached out and twisted off the top button, bringing it to my eyes for a closer look. Tiny convex letters around the top spelled out "Bartholomew," and a small human figure occupied the center of the button. "Saint Bartholomew?" I asked the gentleman from whom I had taken the button, while trying to remember if there was really such a saint or if I was just free associating. [WL: I still wasn't sure so I googled it. Apparently Saint Bartholomew was an apostle, and although I was not consciously aware of that, I suspect the influence of day residue, because in The Leftovers last night several disciples were mentioned, and I've never been able to keep disciples and apostles straight.] The man shook his head, and when I looked again at the button I saw the letters rearrange themselves into the name "Balthus," which seemed to make a bit more sense... in a way that I can't entirely explain. Still hungry, I licked the button. I thought it tasted a bit sour and metallic, a bit like licking a D battery but without the tingle. The bronze button had been darkly tarnished but now gleamed where I had licked it, so I licked it a few more times to polish the highlights. I looked at the letters again and now they read "Ubewiz," a name meant nothing to me, though I thought it sounded vaguely Polish. [DL: I just noticed the symmetry between the verb "polish" and the adjective "Polish," so I suspect dreamlogic lay behind this observation.]

FA: I woke up (so I thought) and immediately fished my dream journal out of the bottom drawer of my bedside table. [WL: This was a realistic detail, because although usually I keep it right on the table next to the bed, for the past few days it has been in the drawer.] I flipped through it and couldn't find a single blank page, but I didn't want to waste any time so I started writing my notes in the margins. I was jotting down keywords: "Bartholomew, Balthus, Ubewiz," read the first line. Then I included brief notes about the fabric elephant and origami fish. I hadn't gotten very far when I woke up again and realized that I had been taking my initial notes in a false awakening and would have to start over, so once again I pulled my journal out of the drawer and wrote—grateful for the blank page this time—"Bartholomew, Balthus, Ubewiz."

Metallica

Had a dream about learning a Metallica song on guitar. It was from the and justice for all record. Can't remember which song.

Bjork

Yup, Another Bjork dream. Can't say much since I don't recall the details. Just that she was in it.

Confused

Had a dream about C coming back from her visit. She stood in a door way and I was shocked because she looked 20 years younger. She was also being nice to me which was really confusing.

2017, 05-18

The Battle for Minas Tirith

I am in a place I don’t recognize, on a ridge overlooking a wide open valley on the other side of which is the city of Minas Tirith. The open valley is crammed full of enemy troops including orcs, evil humans, trolls, Uruk Hai, Worgs, and every other manner of evil thing you can imagine. Several Ring Wraiths are soaring over the armies on their demonic steeds. The enemy army looks like it’s thousands or even tens of thousands strong. I’m not alone on the ridge, however. I am standing among another formidable army. King Theoden is off to my left on a beautiful white horse, Snowmane, so that must mean I am with the riders of Rohan, and I see they are preparing to charge down into the fray. Horns are blowing to signal their arrival, and on Theoden’s signal everyone charges down to battle.

I am being passed by people on horses charging into battle so I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and charge down into the battle as well. There are plenty of enemies out there, and I don’t hesitate to cut into some orcs and a big troll, jumping up on a Uruk Hai’s back to gain enough altitude to cut the troll’s throat. I continue fighting and I lose count of how many enemies I take down when I see a dark shadow over the area. I turn to look and I see Theoden’s horse rear up as one of the Nazgul swoops down on him. It’s the Wraith King! I see the thing push Theoden’s horse over on top of him and then perch on top of it. As it is about to finish off Theoden, another warrior comes in when most everyone else, allies and enemies alike, have been retreating away from the monster. The Wraith King taunts the warrior, saying no one should dare come between a Nazgul and his prey, and no living man can kill him. The warrior announces she is not a man, she is a woman and removes the head of the Wraith King’s hideous steed. The Wraith King is enraged and advances on Eowyn, for surely that is Eowyn. Then a small warrior, no doubt Merry, strikes the Wraith King in the leg which distracts him enough for Eowyn to bury her blade in his head.

The Wraith King falls, now just a pile of empty robes. I see Eowyn and Merry have also collapsed. I go over to Theoden and find he’s alive, Snowmane has rolled off of him. Snowmane is also alive, but barely… which is enough. I focus healing energy on Theoden and on Snowmane, and they are revived. Eomer has come over to see what has happened, he sees Eowyn on the ground. Once healed, Theoden wants to continue fighting. Healing the damage done by the Wraith King would take too long to do in battle, so some men carry Eowyn towards Minas Tirith. I point out Merry also needs help, and guard them as they are taken to the city. I barely get to the city and see them through the gates before everything fades and I wake up.

I had another false awakening this morning that was frustrating. I am lying in bed and I have a sense of falling and know it's going to be a lucid dream. I give in to the feeling and wake up on my bed and make sure I am dreaming by driving my index finger through my palm. I want to get up from bed and explore but I seem to not be able to get up from bed. I try to float while reminding myself that this is my dream and I am in control. I touch the wall to try and make the dream more stable like real life. It doesn't work so I decide I want to enter a different dream. I try to pull the blanket over my face and wait for a different dream scene. Nothing works and I end up waking up after closing my eyes to wait for a different dream scene.

had this dream 2 nights ago. Only fragments

I was out on a tarmac. It was sunny. But not too hot. I was with my partner. We had a blanket out and were just laying in the asphalt, relaxing. I kept asking if we were going to get in trouble. He kept saying no.

Then two naked girls came running toward us. Maybe in their early 20s. In a blind panic. People were following them. And I turned to my partner in horror and started screaming "Noooooo".

---

He wouldn't talk to me. He was a suspect in the girls disappearance. Could lose his job. Blamed me.

---

I was following him. I had to talk to him. I followed him to a resort style bathroom/spa room. He rented it for an hour. I snuck in. He found me. He started to yelll and I was apologizing. He backed me in to the shower room and I was scared. Then he knocked me in to the tub and started to take my clothes off. It was about that time the resort staff member barged in.

Fragment from last night 5/21

I was in an old house. It was dark. There were lights but the electricity wasn't on. I was with a younger man; maybe in his 30s or 40s. I was following him around. Like we were looking for something. He said we were going to split up. He'd go upstairs and I could wait down. I was looking through the kitchen when I heard shuffling. Somehow I knew there was something inside. A few of them. Undead. Zombies? I was frozen with fear. I was looking around for something to defend myself but it was dark and I didn't want to make noise. I wanted to shout but I was afraid I'd be discovered by the creatures.

I heard him upstairs moving around. I didn't want him to be caught. So I started looking for a knife or broom and whimpered as loud as I could which was no more than a choked shriek "Kelvin!!!" Nothing. Again. It felt like my lungs would close. "keeeelllviiiin"

And then he was there. And I was saved. He was an expert hunter of these creatures. He would save me.

Fragment #2 from 5/21

I was out on property I've been here before in a dream. The horses were in the pasture. It was misty. Morning. A haze settled over everything. Trees lined the fields. Crisp but not too cold. My sister was out catching a horse and then I see her drop the lead and she is running. Running at a sprint toward me. I'm in the other pasture across th fence. She is waving her arms behind her. Shouting. But I can't make it out. Then I see a figure in the most. And I hear my sister shout "its grandma Adams".

My stomach sinks. My veins are ice. I am running for the gate. The figure in the distance is running toward us now. I scream for my sister to hurry. She dashes through the gate as I reach it. So does the figure. I slam it shut and latch it, then leap back. The woman standing there looks like her. But it can't be.

Time has passed. Some other family members are there. We are inside. The figure is seated. She is talking. The voice sounds right. Everyone listens. She answers questions. Who is she. Who are her sisters. Who are we. She answers it all. But how?

I get up. I'm upset. This is not her. She died. Years ago. How can she be here? She died. Almost 10 years ago. This can't be. And I say it. To her face. It isn't you. It isn't you. It isn't you.