non-lucid

Morning of June 24, 2018. Sunday.



This entry is about two dreams of a different nature, though of which occurred during the same sleep cycle.

In one dream, I am in an unknown room in semidarkness. A friend and classmate from years ago, Roosevelt, is seated at a different table than I am. I am talking to him about a “different” Roosevelt as he is writing something, not listening to me very closely. The Roosevelt I am talking about is in reference to who he is now in contrast to our school days (even though virtually everything else regarding my current conscious self identity is not extant in this dream scenario). (He is now a well-known singer in Germany.) After a time, I am very puzzled by what I am thinking, as the Roosevelt at the other table is apparently the same one I am thinking of and I wonder if he will be annoyed because of this. I cannot clearly focus on the scenario. I am even wondering where the “other” Roosevelt is even though he is at the other table and there is only one Roosevelt. This is a typical dream state waking process, where my conscious self identity is emerging more slowly. The two literal threads of which are both the one Roosevelt have not yet coalesced. (Synaptic gating and preconscious coalescence is a major factor of the waking process and is often rendered by way of dream state autosymbolism.)

In my other dream, it seems I am seeking more soundfonts, though very curiously, they are actual objects rather than computer files. I have many of them and I am testing them to see if they could be feasible for producing music. There is an unknown male present in some scenes. We are sharing information on these supposed soundfonts to see which ones sound best.

These fictitious “soundfonts” are a bit like miniature comb kazoos that one must press their lips around and blow on, the difference being a vague similarity to reeds with several “teeth” and without the need for paper over them. I have a library of them which supposedly includes one million eight hundred thousand (1,800,000) different flute sounds. I also recall one relating to various sounds of trombones.

At another point, I see a set of hundreds of dog stickers or icons of which are somehow related to the soundfonts as possibly some sort of context menu or somehow descriptive, mostly only sketches. They include dog firemen and other scenes of dogs in human activities.

Much of my dream involves playing these supposed soundfonts in an unfamiliar outdoor area, though my dream eventually distorts into the usual indoor-outdoor ambiguity (the sense of being indoors and outdoors at the same time, a common factor of the dream state itself, mainly caused by subliminal awareness of being asleep in bed while thinking about being outside).

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Morning of June 26, 2018. Tuesday.



These are two dreams during the same sleep cycle. Marilyn (older half-sister on my mother’s side who died in 2014) appears in both.

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In my first dream, I am back in the Loomis Street house. At times however, I also seem to be simultaneously present, at least in mind, in the Rose Street building (where I have not lived in real life since 1967 at age six). I am “remembering” it incorrectly though, which is usually the case in non-lucid dreams when thinking skills and viable memory (and viable contact with the unconscious mind) are not present. I am conversing with Marilyn about the Rose Street building (where she also lived in the 1960s across the hall from me and my parents).

The conversation focuses on the elevator that was, in my fictitious memory, near the back of the building. I discuss the elevator as well as the rickety steps (that were a real-life feature). I relate how my mother did not like me using that staircase. I talk more about the fictitious elevator. My dream eventually fades (without waking) and I am in a different dream scenario.

In my other dream, I am sitting on the floor in the Loomis Street dining room (where I have not been in real life since February 1994). I eventually end up drinking what I first believe to be solely soda, though from a large plastic bucket and with a long drinking straw that almost reaches the bottom of the bucket. Over time, I realize that there is more in the bucket than just soda. In fact, when I begin to focus, I realize that I drank a lot of water with laundry soap in it. In the bucket, there are also a couple of clothes (my pants and shirt, at least), a few Matchbox cars near the bottom, and other items as well as other liquids (such as orange juice) mixed in.

I mention this to Marilyn (who is in the living room near the front door) and my mother (who remains in the southwest area of the dining room) as I remain sitting on the floor. (My mother died in 2002.) I tell them how I do not feel any different after drinking this unlikely mixture of soda, laundry suds, and possibly other contents. I eventually notice a pile of clothes on the floor. I end up mostly lying on my right side, feeling very aware, and wondering if what I drank will affect me. I focus on my perception and there is a very vivid awareness but no lucidity. My dream soon fades.

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Despite my dream self not being viably lucid, I am still always aware on one level of when I am dreaming, as it is biologically impossible not to know I am dreaming. This changes the entire nature of what many people believe dreams to be.

Although my memory is not viable (because of being without viable contact with my unconscious mind while in the non-lucid dream state), there is a thread of memory of dream state autosymbolism. My dream self is actually describing dream state autosymbolism without being lucid. This has happened many times before even in childhood dreams. An elevator is autosymbolism for the dreaming and waking process. It has nothing to do with waking life “symbolism” (as dreams are not symbolic in the conventional sense).

My last dream also reveals liminal awareness of the dream state. This is evidenced by my position on the floor. Although I usually sleep on my left side, I had this dream while briefly sleeping on my right and I was mostly on my right as my dream ended. The rest is more about distortion from lack of viable joining of unconscious and conscious self identity. I also had mild indigestion in sleep and my dream was creating a ridiculous scenario to remind me of such. The laundry soap and loose clothes were present as a reminder I am not wearing clothes when I am asleep in bed.

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Morning of June 20, 2018. Wednesday.



I am in an unfamiliar residence of which is implied to be our present home. A few members of my family had been looking through old letters and postcards. Although I read some of them, I only recall the writing on the last postcard I read, which is a mix of printed letters and handwriting.

The message reads, “I am looking forward to that time when we will be able to determine whether or not we are in Bedlam”.

The letter B of “Bedlam” is in fancy cursive and in uppercase. It has two extra curved lines that sweep back from the top and bottom.

For some reason, I practice copying that person’s writing. I am not sure who had written or sent the postcard. Our oldest daughter seems both amused and amazed at my talent in copying the other person’s writing almost exactly. Music is playing from seemingly nowhere, of which I do not consider as being unusual.

I cheerfully say, “Do you know how hard it is to make that kind of a ‘B’?”

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It does not take much intelligence to see the dream state indicator of which is “Bed” of “Bedlam”. This is a lucid trigger that did not activate and is a reference to determining whether one is asleep in bed. (I have experienced many such dreams over the years.) Louder and clearer music “from nowhere” near the end of a dream is common. It sometimes seems analogous to the ending theme of a movie.

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Morning of June 19, 2019. Tuesday.

I do not usually post generic bathroom wake-up call dreams unless they have unique factors. This one does, as vestibular system correlation seamlessly integrates into it in the last stage of the waking process, which is atypical.

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I become aware of my need to use a bathroom when I am in public. I enter an unfamiliar public bathroom and notice it is not clean or maintained very well. There are six open toilet stalls, three facing three on opposite sides of the room. One unknown man is sitting on the toilet near the corner. I consider using the one third to the right in the same row, but I decide not to, as the seat is not very clean. I walk around contemplating what I should do as a few other unknown males come and go.

As I am standing just inside the entrance doorway, an unfamiliar short-haired boy of about twelve walks in, looks at the condition of the bathroom, and starts talking to me. I perceive him as a Communist from Eastern Europe who is probably in the region temporarily. He starts making comments about ecology and land features in the region (though I do not know where the setting is implied to be and I do not have a viable memory of my conscious self identity). I walk out with him, deciding that I will have to go home to use the bathroom.

I continue on my own and step off the sidewalk onto muddy ground. I see that I am barefoot. I am carrying my shoes, but when I put them on the ground to put my feet into them, they become very muddy, so I decide not to wear them. My feet sinking into the ground a few inches annoys me. Two unknown young males of about twenty are watching me from the sidewalk. I take a few more steps and the ground remains soft and muddy. I do not really feel like trudging through this.

Finally, I decide to fly home. I lift my arms and rise into the air effortlessly. I start flying toward another building in the distance, about twenty feet above the ground. There are a number of people walking around below. I start to consider how strange it is for so many other people not to fly to their destination, as it is more comfortable and easier than walking.

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Morning of June 18, 2018. Monday.



In the first part of my dream, which seems to take place in late morning, I look into a birdcage and see what I first think is a dead hummingbird on the bottom of the cage, one of our supposed pet hummingbirds. (We do not have any pet hummingbirds in reality.) I feel that this will upset our oldest daughter and I soon have ambiguous associations with it being a mouse. Its head is facing away from me, though also oriented somewhat to the left. Later, I talk to Zsuzsanna, as I am puzzled about where the other birds are. They are not in their birdcage and I consider they may have flown away. Are some in the same cage (even though there is a mix of quails and small parrots)?

Later, I am trying to rest in bed, which is in an unfamiliar location (though implied to be our present home). I notice, to my left, an area out from the opposite corner of the room, where there are two thin gorillas standing, one black, one chocolate-colored. The black one is on the right in my view. They are watching us. I find it odd that we have pet gorillas, especially as the gate that encloses them is only up to their waist. I become wary of having these pets and start to consider that it is a foolhardy idea. I consider talking to Zsuzsanna about it but they start talking simultaneously in unfamiliar male voices. Although it sounds like a legitimate language, it is not English or any language that seems familiar to me, which annoys me more.

I tell them to speak English. They keep talking, seeming somewhat aggressive as well as somehow condescending. I jump into their small fenced-in area and knock them down. I quickly saw their arms off, then their heads as I hold them down. I do not feel as if I am danger or liable to be hurt at any point.

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This dream had three precognitive threads, curiously enough. One of our oldest daughter’s mice did die (the first one that had ever died since she started keeping mice). I was also very surprised to see the three youngest quail in the same cage as the lovebirds, which Zsuzsanna had done temporarily, as the two older quails had now been picking on their three offspring. As for the two gorillas, we watched “Valley of the Sasquatch” tonight. I did not really plan to see this specific movie, and I did not know its content. There is a scene where one of the men cuts the arm off one of the Sasquatch.

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Morning of June 18, 2018. Monday.



I titled this dream “The Second Storm” because of it being from a literal thread of my conscious self identity in vague recall of the storm that tore our roof apart in November of last year. However, our home is rendered as the Cubitis house (where I have not lived since 1978) rather than our present home. In this dream, I become aware of the cyclone or hurricane approaching. I am not as afraid as I would be in waking life. Zsuzsanna is present. It seems to be late morning.

Mainly, I am near the doorway of my bedroom (as in Cubitis). Rather than the roof coming off this time, sections of the southwest area of the south wall, closer to the ceiling, are partially destroyed, leaving a couple irregular holes. A small pine tree is carried through the hole in the wall (though this would not be possible in reality regarding the size of the hole) and blown through my room mostly in an upright (vertical) position, in slow motion, as are a few branches from other trees. I do not think the house will be destroyed. Blue sky and white clouds can be seen through the holes rather than signs of a storm. The roof stays on. I am soon aware that the storm is over and wake shortly after this.

Morning of June 18, 2018. Monday.



In my last dream of today, I enter a short but very vivid scene. I find myself back on the second floor of the King Street mansion, with no memory of my present life other than a subtle recall of Zsuzsanna being my wife. It seems to be the middle room of the east side of the house, where I once lived in real life. Moments before, I had full memory in partial wakefulness of where I was, but this is completely lost upon my short return to sleep.

The room’s west wall is deeper into the room than the doorway, resulting in a short wall to the right of the doorway when entering the room (a fictitious feature which my dream self does not recognize as wrong). I notice an irregular hole in this wall of which is about a foot above the floor. This puzzles me. Over time, I start to realize that something inside the wall is on fire. It relates to the electricity. Smoke billows from the corner of the wall for a short time (which of course would not be possible as the bottom of the wall is solid to the floor). I sense that the wiring, farther inside from the wall’s outer surface, is on fire. I look at the hole and see it is somehow growing (though is not visibly on fire). (This does not make any sense, as is often the case with dreams. If the wiring is burning, farther back from the wall as such, how could the hole being growing larger on its own?)

The hole grows downward, elongating and curving right, and soon resembles a reverse J-shape. The hole grows bigger, with a slight sizzling sound. It does not expand outward much, but “burns” downward (yet with no sign of flames) in a line. I decide I need to turn the light off. I flick the switch off and immediately wake.

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A light switch, as with a door, is autosymbolism for reticular activating system mediation of the sleeping and waking process. Typically light, lightning, and fire are consciousness augmentation and initiating the waking process. (Even in real life, if I accidentally drop something on my foot and become suddenly more aware, I will “see lightning”.) However, since early childhood, it has also become analogous to achieving lucidity and dream state revivification through non-lucid dream control or non-lucid manipulation. (Many forms of autosymbolism of reticular activating system mediation can be used to increase lucidity and, by way of the virtuous circle effect and with countless legitimized experiences, result in an entirely different dreaming process than many people experience, including continuous non-lucid dream control where bad dreams are very rare other than when biologically premonitory). In this case, its analogy is simply turning the potential for lucidity off and waking at the same time, as I had already slept a little too long this morning. Otherwise, fire is one of my most common dream features, especially of microdreams and very short dreams. (There will usually be at least one inconsequential microdream of a small fire at the beginning of every sleep cycle, which has been the case since early childhood.)

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Some people, when not wishing to achieve conscious awareness in the dream state, or simply wanting to return to sleep, will have dreams about trying to turn the same light off repeatedly, with little or no success, or of turning off a large number of lights in the same room, resulting in the room being as lit as ever. I have experienced this myself, and ultimately, it is hilarious, despite the intense frustration of the dream self.

Morning of June 18, 2018. Monday.



Subliminal awareness of the autosymbolic nature of the waking process begins. My unconscious mind is personified as an unknown female despite the fact my non-lucid dream self does not possess viable access to my unconscious mind at this level of REM sleep. Errors and distortions abound. She is a subliminal thread of my wife Zsuzsanna, of which my non-lucid dream self does not yet possess viable memory of or contact with my current conscious self identity. She has a daughter who literally but subliminally represents our oldest daughter at a younger age.

I am sitting on the floor in a unique erroneous version of the King Street mansion. The house is mirror imaged to its real-life layout, flipped east to west. I am in the downstairs antechamber while the female mostly remains in the living room on the other side of the doorway. She seems annoyed in building a small structure on the floor in about the middle of the living room, mainly from a set of small blocks of different solid colors, mostly blue, yellow, red, and green. They are about the size of baby blocks, but with a feature on all six sides that is like the knobs of a Lego brick, though there are four knobs on each side of each cube in a two by two pattern. A couple times, as the blocks do not fit into each other, stacks of about seven high topple over. There is a row of about eight stacks at various heights. (This is autosymbolism for failure to initiate viable conscious awareness.)

I am puzzled and somewhat annoyed, though not angry, in trying to rebuild the staircase that goes to the second floor (where I had lived in real life though not been since 1990), which supposedly is to be the real staircase. This is an extreme failure of thinking skills as I am solely working with small triangular pieces of wood. The pieces are only about two inches thick. The two stacks I had made this far are only about six inches high in two rows of about eight pieces each. I cannot seem to arrange the pieces in the correct orientation regarding which edge should face upward. I have several together, but they do not display the form of a set of steps. This indicates that my subconscious self is having difficulty in reaching my conscious self identity during the waking process.

Subliminal anticipation of the waking process continues but increases. This is after the subliminal recognition of a staircase being autosymbolism for the waking process despite its miniaturization in a setting that represents the liminal space of the process, the antechamber (what my landlady called a “vestibule” in real life). Vestibular system correlation personifies, which causes my dream to jump to a new setting, though in the same King Street mansion, still mirrored east to west.

I find myself on the second floor. I develop an ambiguous awareness where I start to become partly aware of my married status and erroneously perceive the house, though vaguely, as the Stadcor Street house in Brisbane (where we have not lived in years), though that was only a one-storey house and was nothing like the King Street house. Vestibular system correlation personifies as Glenn, one of our landlords from Stadcor Street. He has never lived in America, but my dream self does not consider this error. I have a vague awareness he is married to my landlady (only vaguely recalled as Zsuzsanna at this point, but this does not trigger the realization of my erroneous associations) even though in reality he had a male partner.

A vague thread of dream state awareness is present at this point, though no threads of viable lucidity. Because of vestibular system correlation personifying as Glenn, who seems very cheerful, I walk through the doorway of the upstairs kitchen, which opens to the porch’s roof. This is from vague recall that a porch can be used to vivify a dream, as it is autosymbolic of a specific level of dream state consciousness of which I had used many times in the past, since early childhood, to vivify my dream or “step into” a more vivid offset dream. This process developed from walking outside by way of the porch’s doorway. Here though, I am somewhat puzzled from being on the roof of the porch, as there is no additional doorway to intensify my dream or trigger viable lucidity (as the option to jump off the roof to fly does not occur to me). Glenn looks up at me from the public sidewalk in front of the house.

“You’ll have to use the catwalk,” he says happily.

I get the impression he had used the so-called catwalk and jumped to the ground from the outer edge of the roof. I study the roof and see a precarious narrow section of wood that is separate from the rest of the roof, which puzzles me. I stand on it, but consider that I cannot get to the rest of the roof (which has some building materials and tools sitting about) even though all I would have to do is step onto it from this supposed catwalk. Even after fifty years, my dream self fails to remember the dream sign of a cat being a “witness” to liminal space and typically near doorways (for the purpose of inducing lucidity in some cases), though the association had been distorted into the word “catwalk” in this case. (No cat is present and my dream self does not think about cats even upon hearing “cat” as part of “catwalk”.) The association with a “cat always landing on its feet” is not present (regarding the vestibular system dynamics of the waking process, which is often a falling sensation, based solely on biology, not “meaning” as “interpreters” falsely propagate).

My dream shifts into a different scenario as a result of considering the nature of the King Street roof (still erroneously associated with the Stadcor Street house) and subliminal anticipation of the falling sensation of the waking process, which does not occur as a result of this shift. Now it is a typical non-lucidly forced “haunting” scenario. I am downstairs again, but this time the setting is an ambiguous composite of the Stadcor Street house and the Cubitis house. I am now more aware of Zsuzsanna as my wife, though it is still not a complete recognition. She still seems to serve the role as landlady.

“How long has…it…been in this house?” I ask her this dramatically, speaking of the haunting, which is mainly nonthreatening. We talk briefly, but I become distracted. I find myself in a dark room with an unknown female. There is talk about ghosts and seeing physical evidence of ghosts in this house. I tell her, “This is the only house I have ever lived in where there is the physical presence of ghosts.” On one level, I know ghosts are not real, but on another level, I have achieved non-lucid dream control and revivification at this point to entertain myself. The old writing desk that Zsuzsanna used to have is present, which results in an increase of thinking skills correlation. Near the opposite side of the desk from where the unknown female is standing, another female slowly appears. It is a ghost. “Can you see her?” I ask the female. She tells me that she cannot see anyone there.

The ghost is a realistic version, as a “real” human, of Velma Dinkley (of the Scooby-Doo franchise), though about twelve years of age. She seems puzzled and very shy and uncertain. “Who are you?” I ask her. “I’m a goddess,” she whispers. I am puzzled and ask her again about five times. Each time, she softly says, “I’m a goddess”. I want to help her come to terms with her death. (This is a vague influence of “Show Yourself” from 2016, seen just prior to sleep, where I expected Travis to hug the ghost of Paul near the end, though he did not). I hug her, place my right hand on the small of her back, and move it up to the middle of her back. As a result, the palm of my hand begins to glow with white light, rays shining into other areas of the room. (I do not recall the association with Zsuzsanna having been born on September 13, though this was exactly one year before “Scooby-Doo” first aired, therefore Velma in this case is a subliminal representation of Zsuzsanna.)

The palm of my right hand continues to glow as I find myself walking south through the Cubitis hallway. I stand in the doorway of the Cubitis southwest bedroom looking into the semidarkness. Several unfamiliar people, both men and women, are sitting on couches that are against the west and north walls. (This is an erroneous setup, as the north wall held the sliding doors of a large closet in reality.) I hold up my right hand and the light spreads into the room somewhat. The others are puzzled. I step through the doorway and wake. (This is a vague association with a security system reading a handprint to allow entry, or, in this case, to exit the dream state.)

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With this entry, I have attempted to explain the dreaming and waking process as best I could for this dream. (This is difficult in a society where most people have no viable understanding of dreams, many still believing in “interpretation” and “symbolism” in the popular sense, neither of which is real.) The bedroom is a literal thread of final recognition that I am dreaming, and so I choose to wake. The light represents attaining consciousness as a willingness to accept daybreak and intelligence of which only the conscious self possesses in waking life.

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Morning of June 15, 2018. Friday.



I am carrying an acoustic guitar, walking around in an unknown large room of equidistant picnic tables, similar to the break room of the factory (Northern Engraving) I worked at in the 1980s. The lighting is dim but it is clear enough to see. At first, I am mostly lazily strumming an up and down series of chord progressions that are not musically interrelated; C, D, E, D, C (in Majors). The chords are not fingered correctly even though the guitar is perceived as having the standard tuning. I mostly move my left hand, fingers all in a row, down and up the neck, leaving the second string open, which would not result in a proper sequence of chords either by fingering or by more desirable musical progressions. What I am playing would, for example, imply a C Major chord being F#, B, E, A, B, F# which is incorrect.

Danny Trejo sits with others, facing me, and watches me from another part of the room. He looks at me as if he is very annoyed by my activity. I start moving my left hand closer to the sound hole to create chords of a higher pitch, sometimes playing only the first four strings, though with the same unrelated down and up sequences of three Major chords. Eventually, it seems to sound better and takes on more of a song-like quality.

I find myself walking near another group of tables and playing both rhythms and melodies. There is a fuller sound, but of which would not be possible in real life, as the melodies and rhythms are simultaneous. A girl unknown to my dream self (though meant to be a rendering of Lucille Starr as in 1965) is soon walking to my right, having stood up from a nearby picnic table. She starts singing very harmoniously in French. (“Quand le Soleil Dit Bonjour aux Montagnes” / “When the Sun Says ‘Good Day’ to the Mountains”.) I continue to walk around playing intriguing melodic patterns as the singing continues, until my dream fades.

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Autosymbolic threads of the dreaming and waking process: Other than the transformation of the preconscious personification in the waking transition (by way of non-lucid dream control) to the emergent consciousness factor as Lucille Starr (who represented my subliminal memory of Zsuzsanna as I woke), most of this dream is based on literal factors and literally focused awareness (rather than the typical autosymbolic focused awareness).

Literal threads of dreaming and waking process (dream state indicators): The song itself (“When the Sun Says 'Good Day’ to the Mountains” as a waking process reference and “Je suis seul avec mes reves sur la montagne”, sang in English as “I’m alone with my dreams on the hilltop”.)

Non-lucid dream control evidenced by: Transformation of the preconscious waking autosymbolism from Danny Trejo being annoyed to Lucille Starr singing joyfully on my right. (Waking orientation is typically autosymbolically rendered as to my right as I sleep on my left side, which is less exposed to the real environment.)

Present real-life-related literal threads: I follow Danny Trejo on Twitter but we do not post to each other. I am joyful in being married and with a loving family for over twenty years.

Past real-life-related literal threads: I produce music, but I do not play acoustic guitar as much as when I was younger. The Lucille Starr song was one shared between Zsuzsanna and me before we met (as well as being a song from my childhood) and is very nostalgic for me. She sent a copy to me on cassette.

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Abridged and simplified on Friday, 15 June 2018. I offer thanks to the casual reader for their time and interest.

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Morning of June 14, 2018. Thursday.



My current conscious self identity is mostly stripped away and my dream self is cast back into the front yard of my Cubitis home (where I have not lived since 1978). However, the thread of awareness of having Zsuzsanna as my wife is present to a degree and I otherwise feel as myself in terms of age. I can assume that this is meant to be our home in this dream. Semi-darkness might indicate it is night, but the perception of time is mostly ambiguous and not clearly defined as in many other dreams.

Precursory preconscious factors kick in, this time rendered as two boys that are mischievously trespassing on our front yard. I am closer to the highway at one point. When I go closer to them, I see they are messing around with two long pipes. I am not certain where the pipes came from.

I decide to use one of the pipes as a weapon even though it is about six feet in length. I want to knock them about and make them go out from our front yard. I miss several times, but also strike them on the sides now and then. Eventually, it seems as if they were never there.

I find myself in an unfamiliar area that is implied to be our home, but the room is completely unfamiliar. It seems to be a bathroom. The solid pipe I am holding transforms into a hose and the end of it jumps onto the small metal wheel, as if due to a powerful magnetic force, of a white porcelain bathtub that is on its side. The bathtub is on its left side and facing me. The wheel the hose is stuck to is at the upper left in my view. Zsuzsanna is present. It seems a part of the wall fell off to reveal a hidden storage area, where the old bathtub is on the bottom shelf of two large shelves. The bathtub likely belonged to a previous resident. I notice patches of black dirt here and there. There are other items stored inside this section of wall (which seems to divide the room near the middle) that we had apparently not known about.

I pull on the hose several times (from the other side of the room) to get it off, but it holds firmly. Finally, I go closer and see it has fully attached in the manner of some sort of valve. I press and pull on a thin, circular piece partly inside a pipe near the wheel of the bathtub after partly pulling off part of the edge of the hose as something gives as air hisses out. I feel the rest of the end of the hose release and come off. Apparently, even though the event seemed magnetic at first, it now seems to have been the result of automatic suction, purposely developed for special parts to somehow automatically connect as such.

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Morning of June 13, 2018. Wednesday.



My dream self holds a liminal awareness of being asleep. Eventually, a subliminal focus on bodies in blankets, as we have more (and thicker) blankets on us in the cooler weather, helps build the first dream segment. The setting is unknown, but seems loosely based on an association with our backyard on Stadcor Street in Wavell Heights (where we have not lived in years).

I find myself carrying a corpse fully wrapped inside a thick blanket (autosymbolism, though with literal threads, for my physical body being inactive in sleep). I consider that it is Earl (an older half-brother on my mother’s side who died in 2007). Even so, the body is not of realistic size or weight (though my dream self does not consider this). I drop him into a pile of other bodies that are in a hole in the ground. The hole accommodates the length of a little less than two bodies and the width of about two bodies. The bodies are almost to the top of the hole. When I drop Earl in, he somehow easily slips down vertically into a space between my mother and my brother-in-law Bob on the right (though Bob is still alive in real life as far as I know). (They are each fully wrapped in a blanket.) This cheerfully surprises me. There is an awareness of how his body actually seemed to quickly shrink as it slipped down into the space below (vestibular system correlation autosymbolism). I know there are several other bodies farther down, all relatives. I briefly think about the bodies being together like this, vaguely pondering if it is the right way to have a burial. I have a false memory that it is normal to have the bodies of deceased relatives in a backyard like this.

Knowing that they have to remain buried at a deeper level, I push down on the bodies and even roll around on top of them to force them farther down into the hole. This works to a degree and about two feet of space remains near the top of the hole, but I do not yet shovel dirt into it.

In the next segment, dominated by non-lucid dream control, I am in an indoor location, though it is mostly unfamiliar (though my dream self perceives it as our present home). I am explaining to members of my family how to see into the spirit realm. They are all on my right, including our youngest son. I consider possible communication with Marilyn (older half-sister on my mother’s side who died in 2014).

This connection to the spirit world is activated by pressing a paperclip onto the edge of a button on the television remote. (In my dream, the perimeter of each button is metallic.) Doing this distorts the signal, removing most of it to display supposedly ghostly broadcasts and patterns. At first, the screen is mostly black, but there is a fuzzy form that moves across the screen from right to left (though of which mainly just seems like signal interference). I point it out to family members as evidence that ghostly activity is being seen.

Soon, another form is seen. It is like a very hazy incomplete rendering of Godzilla, about half the height of the screen, somewhat like a pale gray outline with some other details, but it also seems to be a chubby young cat walking on its back legs (which my dream self does not pick up on the autosymbolism of in a cat being a “witness” to the nature of the dream state in mediating the preconscious bulwark, here rendered as the television screen). The image wobbles and sways as it moves from right to left. I tell the others to watch this odd feature.

Eventually, very clear and detailed scenes are visible, though they are in black and white. There are two “devils” conversing in one scene, one female and one male. They are also insect-like, though mostly human. They have goat horns as well as insect antennae. They are in an outside environment near a rocky area. I have no concern about this scene (as I even find it amusing) and I start to consider that this is a farce. At one level, despite continuing to pretend the images are coming from the spirit world, I realize that all I am doing is weakening a normal television broadcast to create “ghost” images and isolated partial pieces of the real broadcast.

Sliding the paperclip against the buttons on the remote, the normal broadcast of a schooner at sea, originally in color, changes into a hazy black-and-white image and the rolling sea becomes the wavy lines of the vertical hold being out of adjustment, distorting diagonally (an amazing effect in my dream). There are other images after this, one being the hazy “ghost” of a sea captain. Soon, color images from legitimate television broadcasts start to remain on the screen longer. I tell my family that the process is starting to weaken and the supposed spirit world contact is no longer viable. It has an association with static electricity lessening after more continuous contact with the metallic surfaces. The last image as I wake is a vivid colorful view from under a girl looking down at the viewer, her head against the blue sky.

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This dream was caused by the typical combination of autosymbolism (based on the sleeping, dreaming, and waking process) with television influence, which is interesting, as television is an analogy to a liminal space division or preconscious bulwark.

The primary influence of both dream segments was “The Seven Year Itch” episode of “Grimm”, seen just prior to going to bed. The remote and paperclip scenario was additionally based on a question from “Think Tank” seen earlier yesterday, though based on an incorrect answer otherwise regarding how a felt-tipped pen saved the Apollo 11 mission (by completing a circuit). It is extraordinary how non-lucid mediation of a dream combines total fantasy with distorted waking life associations, though this is by lifelong habit since early childhood in sometimes reviewing and altering content of television shows, movies, comic books, and so on, in liminal stages of the dream state induction process.

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Morning of June 11, 2018. Monday.



In my dream, I become aware of how (as in reality) some workers are near our house early in the morning, working at building a new fence and possibly, at least eventually, taking down the old wooden fence on the west side of our backyard. Looking past the foot of our bed, Zsuzsanna not being present, I notice that the left end of the present wooden fence is incomplete and the vertical boards that are now about half the height of the rest of the fence have a splintered appearance.

I am holding onto our youngest cat, more to my left. I have a growing concern that I will be seen and my privacy invaded. Through the fence, I can see movement of one of the workers, though he does not look through the fence or notice me at any point. Each time that I consider getting out of bed, I decide not to, though the nature of my physicality seems somewhat strange, almost like a virtual rubber band in starting to get out of bed and absentmindedly being pulled back. For a short time, he is also seen above the shorter boards, yet does not look my way. Our old fence is apparently being taken down and I remain annoyed that I will be seen and likely imposed upon. My dream soon fades without incident.

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I have always found it amazing how RAS so often modulates the dream state to where it supersedes or otherwise distorts legitimate memories, which of course is proof that the non-lucid dream self usually lacks viable access to the unconscious mind (a truth that most people completely ignore in favor of the myth of “interpretation”).

This dream features the following typical factors that have remained consistent in my dreams for over fifty years:

The ambiguous awareness of simultaneously being inside and outside is a main factor here. That is, even though I am in bed, I can see the fence beyond the foot of our bed, with no awareness of the wall of our house being present in this line of sight. This is not only unrelated to the nature of waking consciousness, it is something that cannot even be perceived as such in waking consciousness.

I am in bed, which is a dream state indicator. That is, I am subliminally aware that I am asleep in reality. In my dream though, it is a single bed, which I do not contemplate as such. This is a result of my subliminal awareness that Zsuzsanna was awake in reality.

In the real world, regarding directional orientation, there is no fence a few feet beyond the foot of our bed, so this feature is inherently incorrect. (In reality, the implied fence of my dream is beyond the head of our bed and our kitchen is beyond the foot of our bed.)

Holding the cat (especially on my left, the direction of dream awareness orientation) has served in the past as a dream sign (even though we have pet cats in reality), though I am not viably lucid. A cat is a liminal space denizen and a “witness” to the nature of the dream state of which I had especially used as such in lucid dreams in childhood, such as “The Pink Triceratops”. This, and my lifelong knowledge of dream state autosymbolism, despite the fact that the event is also based on a literal focus in real time, can only designate a subtle level of non-lucid dream control.

A fence is an autosymbolic liminal space divider by way of typical RAS mediation. This means that it serves as the division between the dream self identity and the conscious self identity as well as the preconscious bulwark between the illusory dream state and legitimate waking life perception. RAS is personified here as the worker who may be taking down the fence, which is simply autosymbolism for the waking process.

So how did RAS mediate this fictitious experience into the dreaming and waking process? As already acknowledged, it borrowed directly from a vivid lucid dream from childhood (“The Pink Triceratops”), yet while allowing potential lucidity, I did not become lucid. Additionally, it ambiguously combined my Cubitis bedroom orientation from one time period (inclusive of 1978, where it was before my move to Wisconsin) when my bed was against the southwest corner of my room, as well as integrating the Loomis Street house’s fence (both oriented north from my dream self’s liminal perception). Even as a result of this ambiguous composite false memory, I did not become lucid, which was likely by subliminal choice due to the nature of activity in my actual environment, though outside (as RAS functions as a survival mechanism and biologically integrated environmental factors into my dream).

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Every detail of this dream has been accounted for and fully explained. Thank you for reading.

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Morning of June 8, 2018. Friday.



This dream’s theme has been so common throughout my life, I typically only make a minor note of it, though I write with more detail when interesting factors or features are present. I am walking through an unknown and unfamiliar neighborhood. An unfamiliar male is walking with me to my left. He is about twenty years of age. I find interest in wanting to take a shortcut through a large old building that seems to be a college. The building is on a corner. The public is not allowed to enter but I think about ways I could see more of the interesting building. Another building nearby has a similar essence. I see one man present near a window.

The other male and I turn to walk down an alley. I can see the back of the first building, now to my right as we walk through the alley, and I find a strong interest in its design, pointing out the features to the other male.

We continue to walk and find ourselves needing to go through various buildings in order to get where we are going. We go out through a window and end up outside for a short time, but somehow end up back inside a different building. Some of the apartments are clean, others slightly cluttered. Most rooms are absent of other people.

I walk through an unfamiliar apartment. There are mostly open areas to my left. I walk past a young unfamiliar female cooking food in her kitchen, with the next open area to my left being a boy’s bedroom with a boy sitting on the bed reading. I apologize to the two people for intruding and saying that I had to come this way because of taking a wrong shortcut somewhere. They do not seem annoyed. Of course, the boy and the bed are the last feature in my dream, representing the subliminal awareness of being asleep, though my conscious self’s memory is otherwise not extant at any point.

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Morning of June 10, 2018. Sunday.



I slowly become more aware of my dream and its backstory over time, though my family and I are living in an unfamiliar residence. My dream involves having what I first perceive as a secondhand computer. It is very large and there are two main sections attached to serve as one keyboard and hard drive unit. The focus is eventually very vivid and increases in vividness by the last segment. Curiously, I do not think of having a monitor, as the back of the printer where the paper otherwise goes seems to serve as some sort of monitor at first. This is a curious distortion and lack of reasoning and viable memory that is otherwise very common in dreams.

I perceive what is like a web page that translates between English and Russian and I use it for several minutes. The “web page” is at an angle, like the angle that paper would be oriented in in a typewriter. In fact, the device also serves as an oversized typewriter, which I also test a few different times while also trying to get it to load Internet pages. Additionally, aspects of the Russian and English web page seem uniquely interactive, with moving parts, such as smaller drop down menus that are physically present within the printer’s mechanism, in the back, but apparently based on the nature of the web page that has loaded.

Time passes, and something seems different. I cannot get certain web pages to load anymore. In fact, it now seems like I am trying to get them to appear by putting more paper in the paper holder. The detail is very vivid and amazing, though it now seems like this device is meant to be used as just a printer, though still with manual typewriter features. Curiously, I am not thinking of viable computer technology at any point and I do not even contemplate to any extent why I had bought this old secondhand device. At one point, I press [Return] and the whole device changes slightly, with the paper jumping into the other section.

The friendly unfamiliar male (of about fifty) who had sold it to me is now present. (He just appears. I have no recall of calling him.) He asks me about how the device is working and also tests some settings and connections.

It is supposedly working better now (according to the other male), though in the way it was originally designed to, which is unrelated to using the Internet or even serving as data storage or computing. Zsuzsanna is present. I tell the man of how I had been using a website for Russian and English translation and he seems puzzled, as if such an event would not have been possible on what is just meant to be a printer. I remain slightly puzzled as well.

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Morning of June 7, 2018. Thursday.



I am watching a dream scene as if present, but I am not a part of the events.

A male ghost, mostly of a darker violet color, dwells within the space of the checkout area of a convenience store. Most shoppers are unaware of his existence. At times, he temporarily takes possession of some people.

In the last scene, the ghost somehow transforms into a piece of grape-flavored hard candy in a wicker bowl (where all the other hard candy is also grape-flavored) opposite the checkout area and the cashier. Apparently, customers are allowed one piece each as they go through the checkout.

An unfamiliar woman puts one of the candies into her mouth. Suddenly, she appears to be in distress, as the cashier and store manager help her to tilt her head back as the ghost, not yet fully expanded within her physical essence, unwillingly comes out, though the other two are also pulling it out. At this point, it looks somewhat like a violet tracksuit, the track pants coming out first.

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Colors often correlate with dreaming and waking processes, though only when dominant (especially as dreams typically contain all colors). My general sequence is as follows (and of course black is unconsciousness): violet, non-lucid subconscious self; indigo, lucid subconscious self; blue, interconsciousness (prescience, telepathy for lack of a better word, and liminal conscious self awareness); green, liminal space, lower preconscious; yellow or gold, emergent consciousness; orange, apex lucidity, ordinary awareness and a more viable memory set; red, invasive RAS modulation (as red typically only dominates a dream when I have overslept or have a headache and I also see red with reticular activating system modulation with a headache when awake, so it is more obvious in this case). Of course, there are variations which also depend on the level of dream state awareness itself.

The checkout scenario is common autosymbolism for leaving the dream state. This correlates with the non-lucid subconscious self being “pulled out” of the remaining dream character prior to waking. A cashier would of course be preconscious personification and a store manager the emergent consciousness factor. Perception of loose clothes has occurred in other dreams in checkout scenarios. This is based on the subliminal realization of not being dressed while asleep in bed, the same subliminal awareness that triggers dreams of being undressed in public (which should be a no-brainer for anyone of reasonable intelligence).

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