memorable

Couple of crap days again. Let's delve into a nightmare classic. One of the last dreams of 2009 I'm gonna write here.

Vicious Attack
Date: December 6th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was in the edge of our fields, and there was also my brother and his girlfriend. Some airplane flew over as and it's engine sounded weird. Dad came at the edge of the field, next to the forest wall towards us.

Nearby, there was a relatively big barn. Under the barn's roof there was a space, from which you could see inside the barn. In that space there were couple of guys.

You could hear from the heights, how the plane turned steeply. Someone shouted "Woo!" from the plane. My dad kept walking closer, but the guys in the barn were shouting at him for come to there.

Dad noticed that they were calling him, but he didn't react to it, rather walking to us. The plane landed on our field. It was odd that it could land there so effortlessly so near us. The plane was white, and through it went blue stripes. It was very wide and the rudder was weird.

Out from the plane came an old, disgusting looking old bald guy and three of (presumably) his sons. Oldest of them were around 20, the two others a bit younger. All of them were at least slightly fat. My brother was doing his boxing defense poses in front of our dad, which made me expect something of an aggressive encounter.

The old guy started talking about some piece of metal, with what my brother had apparently hit one of his boys. It seemed though that he was just using that as an excuse revenge some grudges he had for our dad. He had a knife in his hand, and it wasn't like a small carving knife, but a big, mean-looking meat-cutting knife. The boys were armed as well, with many kinds of blunt weapons.

"Why do you even exist?" The old guy attacked at us verbally. He started spouting some shit about agricultural law, that didn't even make any sense. Basically he insisted, that we were worthless human beings. Apprently dad had not done some thing he should have done, according to the law. What the fuck?

"If someone has broken the law, then you call the police", I intervened, and my argument was perfectly sensible. "You can't take the law on your own hands. It would result in an anarchy."

But it obviously did no help. This dream had already decided to escalate all the way. Somehow I got hold of the guys knife, and I fuckin thrusted it to the old guys side! I aimed for non-lethal spots (there's no self-defence in Finnish law - you kill a guy and you go to jail). I guess I should have gone for the kill, as the guy only got more enraged. I guess I'd get too if I had a knife in my side.

"I'm gonna kill you!" He raged. But instead of attacking me, he moved towards my dad. Somehow he got another knife and slashed at my dad with it. He only hit his arm, but that got over my threshold of horror, so I woke up.

At least according to the text I have in my dream journal. That means we are going back to the past again - my current recall is still fragmented, but I just finished my first ever 100 % recall-at-least-something-everyday-month. Gotta be happy.

My Longest, Best Quality Lucid Ever
Date: November 2nd, 2009
Lucid: Obviously
Method: DILD

This might be the clearest and longest lucid dream I had, but it's also a bit weird and doesn't actually have that much happening. Again "I just knew" that I wasn't inside my own body. I was in this town with my parent, as in parent of the guy whose body I was inside. I wasn't sure whether it was his mom or dad, as it seemed to shift from moment to moment. We went to some shop and for some reason the parent cheated me out of 20 cents of my own money.

The point of the whole trip to the town was to get this guy to driving school. I just decided to run away from that parent and I figured out that I could go to the guy who was my real life driver's instructor. In real life he wouldn't have probably taken me, as there was an incident IRL, but as I knew I wasn't in my own body, I knew I could go there. At this point I wasn't lucid yet, even if it would make sense that I were if I already know that I'm not inside my own body.

I was running up some hill and alongside the street there were some houses that had a carefully decorated facade. I found this odd given that I knew the town where I was in and there shouldn't be houses like that there. I decided to RC and got lucid. Part of me wanted to go along with the dream's plot, just to see where it goes, so I started proceeding further towards this driving school. I ran right into the traffic, knowing that even if I get ran over, it can't really damage me. Damn, thinking afterwards I ought to have done couple more RCs just to make sure.

I come to the corner of some building and remembered the monthly challenge of our forum. First I still decided to try out my powers by stopping all the traffic. Everything froze like I would have pressed the pause button. I got drunk with power and started shouting "I! AM! GOD!!!"

My forum's challenge that month was to meet your dream guide. So I just walked along in the empty town, that was still frozen by my pause-button, and started screaming, that my dream guide better show up.

Ground started to rumble, like something was running towards me. I was behind a building's corner and I heard how it ran past me. "I'm here", I shouted behind it.

I had wondered before what kind of dream guide I would like to have, but in the end I just decided that I wanted my subconscious to surprise me. It certainly did it.

My dream guide emerged. It was.... WOODY FUCKIN WOODPECKER. Like what the fuck? How the hell did that happen? I never even watch Woody Woodpecker, yet it's my dream guide. That's messed up on so many levels. My mind created an incredible 3d version of it (or should I refer to it as him?) as well, I was impressed about that, but still, what a mindfuck. Needless to say, I obviously don't believe any of these dream guide nonsense anymore.

So anyway, I asked Woody whether he'd help me have more lucids in the future and help me know myself better, like it read in the Dreamviews (oh my god, this is comedy gold... I couldn't even come up with anything as good as this). Woody was similar to my DCs usually, he didn't talk much.

I don't remember what happened to Woody, but given that I already did the challenge and met my dream guide, there was only one thing in my mind - sex. So I found myself a girl and had her give me a bj. I wouldn't normally go into the details in these kinds of things, well, not here anyway, but it felt so good this time that I came in like four seconds and was more intense than anything I've experienced in real life. Normally dream sex doesn't feel pretty much anything for me.

But yeah, I had gotten off so that part of me was satisfied (and for those of you curious, NO, I didn't wake up with messy pants), but the dream was still going on. Next I tried to burn my own house just after getting a random idea. Again, might be wise to make couple of RCs before doing shit like that, I don't think "But I though it was a dream" is going to be satisfactory explanation for the insurance company after committing arson to your own house. Anyway, the house didn't burn very well, so that's a relief.

I had a false awakening and then the nose test didn't work as it should have. For some reason I wasn't able to breath through it despite still being in a dream. Nothing noteworthy happened after that.

Still, kind of sad that this still probably the best and longest lucids I ever had. I've had a couple lucids later that could challenge this, but I think this should be the average, not among the best.

Another fragment recall last night, on to the classic of the day.

Dimension Portals
Date: October 13th, 2009
Lucid: Yes

Once again I was in a threatening situation. Some guy was holding me at gun-point and I hoped so intensely that it was a dream, that it turned into a one. All the sudden I teleported to my living room. There was no need for reality checks - I immediately realized that it indeed was a dream. I also had an idea on what to do right away - the challenge in our forum back then was to enter a tv-show's of your choice reality. My choice was South Park, as that was something I obsessed back then.

I did stop to talk to some random little girl that was in the living room, but then I proceeded with my plan. I went out, towards our barn. For some reason outside was mostly dark, but there were some illuminated flowers there as well. I just passed them by, but as I went by them, one yellow flower appeared in my chest pocket.

Once at the door of the barn, my brother was there. I am no stranger to asking help from DCs, so I told him that I need to get to the South Park. He gestured me to follow him inside. There were some rectancular, light blue energy fields - dimension portals. My brother lead me to one of them and told that it will transport me to South Park. He went in first and vanished. I followed him through the portal and... it didn't work. I just went through the blue field. I felt this odd, cold feeling, but it didn't transport me to anywhere. I was sitll in the barn.

I tried going through different portals, entering them in different postures, etc. Nothing worked. Finally I noticed that there was one port on the floor. I dropped through it and poof! I was still in the barn... something had changed though. I felt like I had travelled through time - in to the future... 1000 years into the future. There were some people there that put an odd contraption on my head, so that I couldn't hear or see anything - they feared that I would become distraught for being so far in the future. I guess that makes sense, give me some time to take it in before exposing me into the drastic changes of the civilization.

It would have been interesting to eventually see where the world had gone to in my dream's future, but unfortunately I woke before seeing anything more.

I have surpassed my recall streak. I've recalled something on 29 days straight. Yay me. To be honest, I guess that's pretty pathetic record for someone in this for over three years. But it is what it is, and I gotta be happy and keep extending it. For LDs the barren streak still extends to 43 days. I've had over two months without a lucid, so it's not record, but with this decent recall I'd expect better from myself.

In terms of my past dreams we are going to October 2009. I guess I had already peaked after the first excitement of the 9 months prior and started to coast a bit, so my results were going down. Still, I had more success than now. Non-lucid this time though.

Everybody Knows You're Lost
Date: October 2nd, 2008
Lucid: No

I was at my home, in the living room. I was just chilling out before the windows started moving. It was really odd. I ended up looking outside the window and following some girls with my eyes. Then the dream transitioned so that I was now looking outside a bus' window to those same girls. Then I transitioned again, this time in the front of the small bus, alongside the driver who I knew. We started a conversation about cars.

I: "They don't make good cars any more"
Him: "What do you mean?"
I: "Well you know... For example, they don't start in the winter etc."
Him: "Oh yeah..."
I: "And all those microchips etc. so there's so many places that can fail."
Him: "Yeah but if they're not in use then it isn't a problem."

Surprisingly sane conversation. He, I mean the driver, was really hitting the throttle despite the fact that the bus was now in some kind of city centre. He said that he drove 100 km/h and I looked at the speedometer and it confirmed that. Pretty insane guy. There was some hill where the I felt the speed in my stomach. The driver steered into some parking hall, still at least a hundred in speedometer and then just stopped like he hit the wall - despite not hitting one. All the other people got off the bus like nothing had happened.

There was my old PE teacher and the other people went along with him. I started wondering what the hell I was doing in this bus anyway. I didn't reach conclusion, instead I just decided that going along with him wasn't it. I guess the bus wasn't going anywhere any more, as I went outside. By now the surroundings had changed and it seemed like some kind of construction site. My brother / my friend Henri emerged from somewhere - it seemed to change from moment to moment, which one it was.

I didn't have any idea, where I was, but I didn't want to admit that to my brother / Henri. There was some... what do you call those spots where's map of the city on a big board? Anyway, there was one of those and I walked up to it to figure out where I was, only to be disappointed. There wasn't any map, just an empty space.

All the sudden clown popped out of somewhere. A fuckin' clown! Well, I wasn't stingy about whom I ask for direction, as long as Henri / my brother won't know I am lost. So I walked up to the clown to ask for directions. Henri came behind me and asked: "LOL, is that your superior ?" (as in a job)
"No", I stuttered, "I was just about to kick him in the nuts."

It was weird line to say, I guess I was trying to be funny. We have a weird sense of humor, but that's just messed up thing to say. Anyway, you don't fuck around with clowns as he first kicked my ankle and then smashed his fist right in my face. I was down for the count and my brother / Henri walked me far from the clown.

It seemed like every time when the other side was nice, it was my brother, and every time he was mean, it was Henri. Makes sense.

I wanted to get back at the clown. Partly to revenge, partly to explain that it was just a joke and that I wasn't really going to kick him, and partly to finally ask him directions. Jesus Christ, just admit you're lost, haven't you endured enough trouble already? I was also thinking about pressing charges against the clown, as he had just beaten me up without me doing anything. My brother managed to talk me out of going at the clown again.

All the sudden we turned right next to my former school. I figured I was in the place I was looking for, so I forgot about the clown and didn't care to meet him again. My brother thought that I finally came to my senses and realized that I couldn't beat the clown.

Then the dream transitioned again and this time I was at my home again. My mom asked me whether I reached anyone. I guess I was to meet some people in the school, or something like that. Then the dream ended.

I've been a little lazy this past couple of days and have not been writing here. My recall is still slightly improving. God, I just wish my dry spell would end. I still need to try harder. Last night though I got decent recall, so here's the dream.

Chillin' In Korea
Date: January 28th, 2012
Lucid: No

I was just walking around in some bustling little asian town, that I just again "knew" was Korea. North or South, I didn't even wonder about that. I was walking around, watching the people going past me, looking at the buildings, just chilling out and feeling good. In fact, I felt like I could move to live in there.

All the sudden this orange truck stops beside me. Somehow I knew that it was Chinese. There were some soldiers and they asked me to get on board. I decided that why not, even if I felt a bit threatened and wondered if I have something to worry about.

In the truck's... what's the word? Let's just say "space in the back", anyway in there was some guy they were holding as prisoner. He was beaten and tortured. I noticed that once of my old army buddies was one of the three soldiers doing the dirty deed and one of them were my sister's boyfriend. Neither of them are really asian and they were just themselves in the dream as well, but for some reason Chinese soldiers as well.

So anyway I was angry about this man being tortured, but they just said that it wasn't against the law and it is what it is. Crazy shit law. I got really angry and in my mind I just rationalized "Well, if beating up a guy into a near death isn't illegal, then killing you isn't illegal either." Somehow I got an assault rifle on my hands and killed all of the soldiers.

At that point the truck was stopped in the middle of the woods, so I was in a perfect spot to get away with my murders. I grabbed the tortured guy on my shoulder and started running away. Most of the time it felt like the other guy weighted nothing, and finally the dream transitioned so that the guy was running along with me.

The environment had also transitioned. It looked like standard Finnish countryside. Some woods, some fields, house and barn here and there. We went across someone's yard and while the other guy got through unnoticed, some old woman spotted me. I tried to squirm my way out of it, but she wouldn't have it. I don't know what she could have done though, so why I just didn't leave? Anyway, the other guy saved me by saying something smooth and in the end we were welcomed inside their house.

We didn't stay for long, as we still had to continue fleeing from the authorities, who will surely eventually find the bodies and start tracking us down.

When that happens though, I'll be already awake.

My recall has been getting better lately, but we are still far away from the best I've been and still the dry spell for lucids continues. Let's go back to the past again.

Accidental Lucid
Date: October 5th, 2009
Lucid: Yes
Method: DILD

I was having a conversation with my brother in the living room. I was lying down on the sofa and he was using my computer, but with his head turned towards me. We were coincidentally talking about reality checks. My brother doesn't know much about LDing and in fact, he to this day thinks it's some kind of satan's worshipping. Anyway, I started demonstrating to him the different methods that you can use to RC. I didn't have any clue about being in a dream at that point.

First off I did the plugging the nose -test. I managed to push some air out of my nose, but there was some friction, which made me think that I just didn't plug my nose properly. Still, the seed of suspicion was laid. Next I tried to push my fingers through my hand. My dreams are too realistic, I guess, for that to work. Nonetheless lastly I demonstrated the clock-test.

The time on the clock only shifted around a bit, so I did the test multiple times, until on the sixth time the clock turned from 12 am. to 7 pm. That was big enough change for me to believe that I was dreaming. I didn't remember what was the monthly challenge. I even asked my brother, but he didn't have any clue. He was surprised too for this being a dream and started writing on my hand with a pen.

Next I shouted "Clarity now!" to increase the clarity of the dream, despite it being okay to begin with. Shouting that didn't work for me though. Next I asked my brother to make the dream clearer. "Alright", he answered and started writing again on my hand. I guess the stimulation that the point of the pen caused on my skin was enough to indeed make the dream more clearer.

I headed towards my brother's room, but he was still pestering me with that pen. I told him to do 100 push-ups just to make him leave me alone. Instead he just piled some junk on his hands and started doing bench press with them.

I proceeded through a corridor towards his room. There was a lot of his stuff on the corridor just piled up, like he was moving or something. I accidentally caused one pile of cd records to fall. I froze and was afraid, that he would attack me angrily now. Instead he started crying over some record. I just told him that it didn't necessarily break.

Then I just woke up, before I really managed to do anything special. That was my 19th lucid since I started closely keeping a record at the start of 2009.

I'm only few days away from "perfect" recall for a whole month - first time in my three-year career as a lucid dreamer. Perfect, as in I've remembered something for every night/day for a month (my sleeping times have varied). That said, overall I haven't recalled that much. Last night I recalled only a short fragment. Barren streak still continues lucid-wise. 35 days since last lucid now. Let's do another shorty from the the past:

Hostage of Vladimir Putin
Date: September 17th, 2009
Lucid: No

This was a scary and very real-like nightmare. I was in some kind of school and all the sudden Vladimir Putin walks in with some agents. We were taken as hostage. Putin said, that he'll ask each of us a question, and if the answer doesn't please him... bullet into the head. Putin pointed his gun at me couple of times, but didn't ask a question. I remember how my sweat was dripping and how I was terrified. There was a very real fear of death. There was some agent, apparently american or of other enemy of Russia, next to me. Putin asked him that why would he risk his life as there was no chance that he could influence the power struggle between the big countries.

Luckily this dream wasn't very long. The agent next to me didn't even answer, before the pressure got too much for me and I woke up. Not much of reading perhaps once again, but that dream left a permanent mark into my mind.

Last night's recall... Meh, at least I took notes. Still not much stuff. Let's go back to the past again - it's always funny to notice how your dreams haven't really changed that much and finding connecting themes between your current and three years ago dreamed dreams. Still, I'm so tired that I'm going to do a super short one.

Voice in the Darkness
Date: August 28th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was going outside. It was a winter night and it was very dark outside. Weird that the seasons are so often not consistent in dreams - I mean that this was dreamed in August, yet it was the darkest time of the winter in the dream.

Only light-source outside was the light that came from the inside. As the door closed before me, darkness engulfed me. I was alone in the darkness. I felt distressed. Voice from the dark said: "Well well, Jakro came out." It had an evil tone and I got terrified.

Something grabbed me and started dragging me away. I started screaming as hard as I can, hoping that someone would hear me and come to help. The voice just told me to shut up. I still didn't see anything.

My own screams woke me up in the bed. I wrote to my dream journal that "I had planned to try a FILD if I wake up in the night, but I was too terrified to do it."

Simple, yet intense dream. I had some serious emotional problems back then. Well, I guess I still have.

I'm going to write a bit longer dream today from the past - the recall still isn't good, but at least I've returned to monophasic sleeping lately.

Mom's Diner - Just Kill Me Already
Date: August 21th, 2009
Lucid: Yes
Method: DILD

I thought I was at home, but there were some guys from the army doing some kind of ice...thingie. There was a pool made of concrete and the guys were pouring ice-cold water into it for it to freeze. For some reason I decided to jump into the water. I didn't feel the coldness, but the water started to freeze and resist my movement right away. I asked the army guys to help me up and luckily they did help me out of the pool. I was wondering whether I should help the guys in this freezing thing they were doing, but then they started talking:
"Have you tasted mom's delicacies yet?"
"Nope."
"Well go have a taste!"

I had changed into army uniform and the place overall resembled the garrison I had been a year earlier in reality. "Mom" was apparently some diner runner there. She seemed to be really liked. She actually looked like one lady that indeed did work in the army in reality. Nobody called her mom though.

Still I had not actually seen her in the dream though (just getting ahead of myself). I was at the door of the place and there was some kind of candle rack (is it said like that?) that I managed to accidentally cause to fall. Actually this resembles again a real-life situation - in the army I did back into a flower stand and the jar where the flower were broke. I guess that embarrassing situation left strong marks into my subconscious. Anyway the "Mom" was there looking at me like I'm some kind of madman. I apologized for tipping that rack over and was relieved that I didn't break anything.

I wandered around the place a bit. There were plenty of free tables, but I didn't find any place where to order anything. I ventured even further and then realized, that the "diner", wasn't any diner but more like a department store. There were a lot of small shops and stuff. For example there was Mom's kiosk, where you could get some food for travel, at least according to it's slogan. I kept zig-zagging the place. Finally I ended up in the other side of the place and went out from there.

People were going to some stadium outside. It resembled Berlin's Olympic Stadium, at least according to my notes, even though I have no idea what Berlin's Olympic Stadium looks like. The place was shutting down because Mom was going there. I gotta say that all of the people just talking about this mom made me very curious.

I went back into the "diner"/department store and looked for the kiosk. I planned to buy couple of chocolate bars to at least have something to eat, even if not Mom's acclaimed food. But no, the place was just shutting down. One of my former classmates was there gathering up things. What, he now works there? My brain works in a fucked up way sometimes... I felt like stealing the chocolate bars, because of this unfortunately timed closing time, but I ended up deciding against it.

That was when I realized, that I had been in the store for a long time. I started to wonder whether I should be back with the dudes at the concrete pool who were doing the freezing shit. Wow, amazing consistency in my dreams. This is the kind of dreams I'd like to enjoy while lucid, dreams where everything holds together, is logical and stays consistent. Too much to ask for, I guess.

Because even while this wasn't yet lucid, the logic and consistency of it sort of died right there. I went out of the store and where was I? At the local community center's front yard. I realized that this wasn't possible. Lucidity was inevitable at that point. The dream also (unsuprisingly) really started to lose it's quality.

There's a road going in front of it and I saw multiple trucks coming there. They really drove in wildly and had the trucks slide sideways because of turning too much, etc. Some tough-looking dudes came out of the trucks when they finally had stopped. The gang surrounded me. They were armed with assault rifles, though hilariously some of them had that red end that toy guns have at the end of the barrels.

They started acting all tough on me. Me being lucid I had zero fear, so I just acted tough back. Shame I don't remember the dialogue exactly. He was pointing his rifle at me and I just dared him to shoot me. I really pushed him. I ordered him to shoot me. I wanted to die. Yet he just kept threatening, instead of doing it. I realized he was not going to do it unless I do something more drastic.

I grabbed one of his gang members under my arm and threatened him. "Unless you shoot me, your friend is gonna suffer!"

Instead of shooting me like any sane thug would have done, he just reversed it. He said that my friend is gonna die if I don't stop - and as "my friend" he referred to the guy I had just grabbed. What the fuck? That's the worst illogicality I've ever seen in a dream. Dude, it's your friend, not mine.

I resiliently kept pissing him off so he finally obliged me and pulled the trigger. The gun just clicked. It was empty. He didn't even have ammo this whole time? What a retard! Besides, this already happened in my earlier dream (I just realized this). I guess empty guns are a dream sign for me. Then again, any guns at all are a dream sign for me. Anyway, I figured that I'm not going to get killed here, so I tried to pull out a gun from my pocket using passive control, just "knowing" it is there. It didn't work.

I tried to throw myself into the ground again as I noticed that the dream was crumbling fast. I ended up into my bed in a false awakening. I did like a million reality checks and by all means I should have realized I was still dreaming, but I still went to the kitchen to look for some more evidence. Too bad I was in a tight timeframe anyway, as I woke up then.

Recall is showing signs of improvement. I'm also still biphasic, though my sleeping times are shifting a bit - I'm not actively mantaining it, but for some reason I can't seem to sleep more than four hours at a time. Time-wise that's actually good, as I need only 6-7 hours of sleep this way instead of the 9-10 I normally sleep. Anyway I don't have anything particularly good to tell you at this point, so I'll share this quick dream from 2009 again:

America's Next Top Model
Date: August 11th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was a competitor in the show, and in fact, I had made it to the last three. I am a guy though. Pretty inconceivable even with my long golden hair and angelic face.

Most of the show was just sitting in the sofa for me. Instead of the standard elimination I was just handed a letter that I had been eliminated. Well that sucks. In the letter Tyra tried to console me by saying that I am a "teen". I was 21 at the time... That said, it appeared that the word had a different meaning for her. Judging by the rest of the letter she meant more like stubborn and she was happy that I had been like that.

Then the dream cut to much later. I was in home and watching the show I was in. Some of the judges were saying that I have awfully thick lips. C'mon, they're not that thick. Besides, wouldn't that be a good thing? Then the screen cut to an edited version of a picture of me where the lips had been photoshopped even thicker! Come on! Then other judge said that "such a pervert couldn't even win the competition". Well yeah, I'm a pervert, but how would they know it? Does thick lips mean pervert?

All in all a total brainfuck of a dream.

Same old story with the recall, only fragments. I guess being biphasic at the moment is capping the limit of my recall. I'm staying asleep so short times that proper long dreams can't form. According to my Zeo Sleep Monitor my longest REM-periods happen a little bit after five hours, so it's no wonder that I'm not reaching my best with 3-4 hours at a time. I'll still keep this up, we'll see if it improves once I get more used to it.

In the meanwhile let's check back to one fucked up dream I had a while back. One that proves that being lucid and having a nightmare are not exclusive.

Killing My Mom
Date: July 27th, 2009
Lucid: Yes
Method: DILD

I don't remember what triggered the lucidity, but after confirming it with reality check I was semi-excited. I had read bunch of stuff back then about grounding the lucidity using touch, so I tried licking a screw that I found. I didn't notice any change in the quality of the dream.

Next I tried to put the living room's light's on as the dream seemed a bit dark. Obviously the lights wouldn't work. I called out my mom to put them on. I mean surely the dream character would manage to put them on? I don't remember what we exactly said to each other, but she didn't do it in the end. So I did the next best alternative. I started fucking smashing the lamps into pieces. I guess I am more random when lucid than normally in dreams. Surprisingly that was such a strong stimulation that it strengthened the dream. I think it also got brighter, ironically.

My mom got upset about the broken lamps though. This sent the dream into a downward spiral. Her negative emotions (that were actually mine, since this is my dream after all), made me angrier and I started venting it on the furniture, as I knew it was a dream. I don't usually smash the TV like I did then when I'm mad. No, really, I don't do that shit. So anyway mom started screaming at me for such behavior and I didn't want to hear that shit.

I went to my brother's room. There's a big window there. I jumped through the glass to get out. Yeah, I sure like destruction. Why take the door, when you can smash yourself through two layers of glass? I ran to the woods next to our house to get away. The atmosphere of the dream had turned into really dark and depressing. I was frightened and conscious of it. I knew that I had to get rid of the fear because I knew that it would affect the dream. Besides, what's there to fear, I knew it was a dream after all!

I tried joking around with my mom. I said to her that she is surprisingly agile for such considering how big she is (she is overweight). I guess that's not the best joke to say someone to calm him down in reality, but as it amused me and my mom was just a manifestation of my mind, that could have worked. But it didn't.

Confrontation was inevitable. The fight was short and I killed my mom with a simple hit on the head. I was relieved, but still thought how fucked up that whole thing was. Relief was only temporary though, as my sis came after me next and she wasn't happy. I was like "you gotta be kidding me?" Do I have to kill my family members one by one in a lucid? That's some fucked up shit right there. I tried to convince her to calm down, but I said the last words aloud in my bed, as I had woken up. Thank Lord.

My recall stays fragmented and I seem to not have any weapons against that. I usually only remember the last bit before waking up. Still, at least something every day. So let's head back to the past again. We have now reached July 2009, my best ever lucid month - 8 lucids in a month. To make that record, I had to have a lucid right on the first night of July. So let's delve into it.

Sex-filled Lucid with Bananas and Hairy-assed Fat Dudes <- My best headline so far.
Date: July 1st
Lucid: Yes
Method: DILD

My phone was calling people on it's own. It was possessed. It called to some unknown guy and then other unknown voice insulted the one who answered. Answerer got really upset for being called and insulted in the middle of the night. I was trying to explain that it wasn't me and that some unknown source is controlling my phone. I doubt he bought it.

I was panicking. I tried to shut it down. It restarted on it's own. I tried removing the battery. It didn't work. I was really getting desperate, until all the sudden I came to my senses. "Wait a minute... This kind of thing can't happen... I must be dreaming."

After the nose test confirmed that I was dreaming, and me being a raging dick, the logical conclusion was that I'd proceed to having some hot lucid sex. Unfortunately it wasn't that hot, in fact it didn't feel like anything. So after a quickie I decided that I'd try to do the challenge that was in effect in our forum. It was still the same as my last lucid - try to ask some kind of life advice, wisdom etc. from one of our real life buddies. So I decided to again get my hands to my buddy Niko.

Again I used passive control and just presumed that he would for some reason be in the room next to our shower - he indeed was. What's this thing with Niko and our shower? Why it seemed that I always found him near there? What was he doing there? Well, all I know is that he had a rake on his hands, so I guess he was raking the leaves... inside the house. Okay, it doesn't make any sense.

Niko's dream self was pretty annoying, far more annoying than his real self. When I started talking to him, he said jokingly that he could hit me in the head with that rake. I just calmly answered "you might as well do that, as this is only a dream." He didn't react to that. I lead the conversation to our forum thread and to the challenge so that it was natural for me to ask the question.
"So how you do you pick up a ton of women like you do?" I finally asked.
"Yeah, I certainly do", He answered smugly. That was no answer. Idiot.
"Yeah yeah, but why?!" I continued.
"Well", Niko started and got more serious, "it depends on the location etc..."

I guess that's true. To pick up tons of women, you gotta be near tons of women. Now that the challenge and sex were both done, I continued by simply being curious about the world around me. I tasted some bananas I ramdomly found. They tasted the usual, maybe a bit more lame than usual. Then I proceeded to have more sex. Yeah, I'm a raging dick. Some nude, hairy fat dude was wandering in the background during the act. I guess I'm fucked up. Also I started concentrating too much on the woman's breast and they turned into this mutilated mess of details as my brains kept twisting them. I needed to look away.

Finally I woke up. Well, that had lasted pretty long anyway, I consoled myself. I was also excited to go post this into our forum. I routinely still did the nose test. Wait a minute, I'm not even awake yet! I guess that's the difference between me then and now, I now struggle doing reality tests routinely straight when I wake up.

I wasn't sure if I'd remember the first instance with Niko, so I decided to be safe and go ask him something more. He was still there in the room next to the showers.
"So what are you exactly doing in here?" I asked to sate my curiosity.
"I'm cleaning", he answered.
"Yeah, but why are you cleaning here?"
"I'm cleaning!" He said with more force.

Dream ended there and I woke up.

Last night's recall was again very poor. I remember only a fragment. At least I'm still keeping the "recalled something" streak. Here's a short dream from the past:

Bruce Willis, Sergio Busquets & Me
Date: June 30th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was in some kind of running competition with Bruce Willis and Sergio Busquets. Everybody knows who Willis is, but in case you don't know Busquets, well, he is a footballer playing for FC Barcelona. There were other competitors as well, but us three were by far in front of the others. Busquets started creating a gap to us, which makes sense, you'd think professional footballer can outrun a recreational footballer and an old actor. But when Willis tried to overtake me, I had had enough! We started really gritting our teeth and taking everything our muscles gave us.

In the end the race escalated to Willis somehow summoning a car for himself. God damn! That's cheating! Luckily I managed to summon some help as well - soon I found myself chasing Willis with a motorcycle. Bruce wasn't much of a driver, as he crashed into the woods in a turn. I started just watching the crash amazed and because I didn't keep my eyes on the road, I crashed into a rock! I went over the motorcycle and smashed into the same bush as Bruce.

We just looked at each other and started laughing. I'm glad we at least found the comedy of it.

Same story as past few days, recall stays pretty poor, but so does my general imsomnia. Anyway, here's another "classic" dream, or more like "WTF?" dream. Short one because I'm feeling lazy.

Wardrobe Malfunction Times Ten
Date: June 10th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was sitting at my computer, as usual and my little sister was watching Disney Channel, as usual as well. Some kind of concert was starting. Miley Cyrus and some other girl were performing. Ryan Seacrest was the host. Ryan got really excited for some reason and started screaming and shouting in excitement. Even my sister was amazed how he shouted.

Then Miley and the other girl comes into the pictures and I'm astounded. She had only some black, too small bikini on and they were somehow wrong - the nipples were showing. I guess it could have been erotic, but I was too confused by the sight to even think anything like that. WTF? How could anything like that happen?

Something happened and the Miley had changed her clothes - this time to a white, beautiful princess dress. Except that the dress had no top, her breasts were completely exposed this time. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Now the real worrying thing here is that I saw a dream that had Miley Cyrus and Ryan Seacrest in it. Disturbing times...

Again, recall was poor and only fragments, but I'm actually considering that kind of good - I only slept five hours, so remembering anything is pretty good after all. Tonight I'll go through one of my favorite dreams ever.

Gang Wars II: The Infiltration
Date: May 15th, 2009
Lucid: No

I was near one local place, basically equivalent of community center. I was one a backseat of a Mercedes as the car drifted past the community center. There's a school next to it and I was to infiltrate that area. Yeah, I was some kind of agent or something. My hometown was in some kind of gang warfare, that was what I intuitively "knew" about the situation It was dusk, I guess, since it was a bit dark.

There was some guy patrolling in front of the building. He had a pistol on his hand. He looked the Mercedes and seemed suspicious, but let it pass. The Mercedes turned to rowhouses that were next to the building, with some trees and field between them to block the sight.


I jumped out of the car and started moving within the thin trees and then over the field. My mission was to contact a mole that was working undercover in the ranks of the enemy gang, or something like that. When I arrived to the place, there was some other buildings beneath the community center that really aren't there,
but the area was a bit different anyway in the dream. I peeked around the corner of one of the buildings and saw some maintenance guy. I was about to shoot the guy with my silenced pistol, but then I realized that the place was crawling with guards.

The guards in general were youngish guys, where as maintenance guys - who were also everywhere - were basic, middle-aged men, just what you would expect. But what the hell could take so much maintenance?

I wasn't feeling very patient, so I hoped that darkness would cloak my movements as I sprinted out to the sight. I tried to make it between other buildings in the other side. For some reason it seemed like there was more light all the sudden and I was obviously seen. Fuck. Not quite as smooth as James Bond.

I realized that men behind me had certainly seen me already, so I was in a hurry. I continued running and ran into a guard that emerged from between the buildings. Instead of defending himself, the guy lifted his radio to call out the alarm. I shot him. Admirable (or stupid) to sacrifice your own life just to let others know that there is somebody uninvited in. Especially since I was already seen.

I continued my running from between the buildings. Now I had no destination - I was just running somewhere for the sake of running away. This time I met two guards at the same time! I shot one of the guys as I was running towards them. Instead of shooting me, the other guy picked up his buddy's pistol and extended his arm to give it to me. Now I can shoot with two pistols, I thought! I realized that this must be the guy I was looking for. Nice luck.

My mission was to contact him and probably to tell others as well what he said. Well I forgot it, so I guess that's mission failed. Anyway, I still had to get out of there alive.

I continued running and actually the next place I remember is in reality over a mile away from the community center, but I guess in the dream it was closer. I was running on the road by our neighbors and there was some tall guy on their yard - and of course some other gang members as well.

I raised the gun that I had gotten in the enemy's base and pulled the trigger. Click. What? There's no ammo in their guns? What the fuck? I think we are going to win this gang war. Anyway, my original pistol was still working, but my shots were scattering all over creation. There's a downhill after the house and I disappeared down it, from my enemy's perspective. Soon the tall guy ran behind me. He was at the top of the hill and pulled out a sawed-off shotgun. He started screaming after me:
"I'll take care of you! Like I did last time!"

So apparently this is a sequel. Shame that I didn't see the original, I guess it was awesome.

The guy started shooting at me. Instead of staying with my back to him and protecting the back of my head, I kept looking over my shoulder at him and then somehow put my hands in the x-shape in front of my face to protect it from the shots. Some shots still went through and hit my forehead, but they didn't cause serious damage. I didn't experience any pain. I saw myself from outside of me, like in a movie, and noticed that lines of blood were pouring down my face from the wounds the shots caused.

Dream started to fade, but it was near it's logical conclusion anyway. I didn't stay to fight the tall guy, instead I ran home and got away with it.