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    Nightmares

    1. Fear of Bodybuilders

      by , 02-19-2012 at 12:47 AM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      Still nothing special to tell about my recall, and I still haven't had the first lucid dream of 2012. I'm going to crank up the effort by having more consistent tries on WILDs. Meanwhile, the last dream from 2009 to enter in this journal.

      Fear of Bodybuilders
      Date: December 27th, 2009
      Lucid: No

      I was walking in what I thought was Helsinki, but it looked more like my hometown to be honest. Towards me there were these two guys walking, who looked like bodybuilders. I could have just gone by either side of them, but no, given that I was walking right in the middle of the sidewalk, I was stubborn and wouldn't budge - I was going to walk right between them.

      You obviously already know that it isn't gonna end well. The right-sided guy, who had a moustache, had a wide, evil grin on his face as he grabbed me. I was fearing for my life, but the rational side of my mind also knew, that there would be no reason to kill me.

      They pushed me around a bit before seemingly letting me go. But no, you don't think I would just walk away? No, I fuckin' flipped my finger at them! The guys were enraged and that seemed all the good enough reason for them to kill me. So I started running for my life, trusting that I can at least that well against those guys.

      There was some kind of construction site next to me. The bodybuilders didn't waste time on chasing me, instead they just went there, picked up some tools and shit and started throwing it at me. Some were near misses, but I did get away unharmed.

      Later I was in home and still terrified. I was afraid that the bodybuilders could somehow follow me there.
    2. Vicious Attack

      by , 02-17-2012 at 09:01 PM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      Couple of crap days again. Let's delve into a nightmare classic. One of the last dreams of 2009 I'm gonna write here.

      Vicious Attack
      Date: December 6th, 2009
      Lucid: No

      I was in the edge of our fields, and there was also my brother and his girlfriend. Some airplane flew over as and it's engine sounded weird. Dad came at the edge of the field, next to the forest wall towards us.

      Nearby, there was a relatively big barn. Under the barn's roof there was a space, from which you could see inside the barn. In that space there were couple of guys.

      You could hear from the heights, how the plane turned steeply. Someone shouted "Woo!" from the plane. My dad kept walking closer, but the guys in the barn were shouting at him for come to there.

      Dad noticed that they were calling him, but he didn't react to it, rather walking to us. The plane landed on our field. It was odd that it could land there so effortlessly so near us. The plane was white, and through it went blue stripes. It was very wide and the rudder was weird.

      Out from the plane came an old, disgusting looking old bald guy and three of (presumably) his sons. Oldest of them were around 20, the two others a bit younger. All of them were at least slightly fat. My brother was doing his boxing defense poses in front of our dad, which made me expect something of an aggressive encounter.

      The old guy started talking about some piece of metal, with what my brother had apparently hit one of his boys. It seemed though that he was just using that as an excuse revenge some grudges he had for our dad. He had a knife in his hand, and it wasn't like a small carving knife, but a big, mean-looking meat-cutting knife. The boys were armed as well, with many kinds of blunt weapons.

      "Why do you even exist?" The old guy attacked at us verbally. He started spouting some shit about agricultural law, that didn't even make any sense. Basically he insisted, that we were worthless human beings. Apprently dad had not done some thing he should have done, according to the law. What the fuck?

      "If someone has broken the law, then you call the police", I intervened, and my argument was perfectly sensible. "You can't take the law on your own hands. It would result in an anarchy."

      But it obviously did no help. This dream had already decided to escalate all the way. Somehow I got hold of the guys knife, and I fuckin thrusted it to the old guys side! I aimed for non-lethal spots (there's no self-defence in Finnish law - you kill a guy and you go to jail). I guess I should have gone for the kill, as the guy only got more enraged. I guess I'd get too if I had a knife in my side.

      "I'm gonna kill you!" He raged. But instead of attacking me, he moved towards my dad. Somehow he got another knife and slashed at my dad with it. He only hit his arm, but that got over my threshold of horror, so I woke up.
    3. Hostage of Vladimir Putin

      by , 01-22-2012 at 12:38 AM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      I'm only few days away from "perfect" recall for a whole month - first time in my three-year career as a lucid dreamer. Perfect, as in I've remembered something for every night/day for a month (my sleeping times have varied). That said, overall I haven't recalled that much. Last night I recalled only a short fragment. Barren streak still continues lucid-wise. 35 days since last lucid now. Let's do another shorty from the the past:

      Hostage of Vladimir Putin
      Date: September 17th, 2009
      Lucid: No

      This was a scary and very real-like nightmare. I was in some kind of school and all the sudden Vladimir Putin walks in with some agents. We were taken as hostage. Putin said, that he'll ask each of us a question, and if the answer doesn't please him... bullet into the head. Putin pointed his gun at me couple of times, but didn't ask a question. I remember how my sweat was dripping and how I was terrified. There was a very real fear of death. There was some agent, apparently american or of other enemy of Russia, next to me. Putin asked him that why would he risk his life as there was no chance that he could influence the power struggle between the big countries.

      Luckily this dream wasn't very long. The agent next to me didn't even answer, before the pressure got too much for me and I woke up. Not much of reading perhaps once again, but that dream left a permanent mark into my mind.
    4. This Is How I Wake Up Every Night: Screaming

      by , 01-20-2012 at 10:52 PM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      Last night's recall... Meh, at least I took notes. Still not much stuff. Let's go back to the past again - it's always funny to notice how your dreams haven't really changed that much and finding connecting themes between your current and three years ago dreamed dreams. Still, I'm so tired that I'm going to do a super short one.

      Voice in the Darkness
      Date: August 28th, 2009
      Lucid: No

      I was going outside. It was a winter night and it was very dark outside. Weird that the seasons are so often not consistent in dreams - I mean that this was dreamed in August, yet it was the darkest time of the winter in the dream.

      Only light-source outside was the light that came from the inside. As the door closed before me, darkness engulfed me. I was alone in the darkness. I felt distressed. Voice from the dark said: "Well well, Jakro came out." It had an evil tone and I got terrified.

      Something grabbed me and started dragging me away. I started screaming as hard as I can, hoping that someone would hear me and come to help. The voice just told me to shut up. I still didn't see anything.

      My own screams woke me up in the bed. I wrote to my dream journal that "I had planned to try a FILD if I wake up in the night, but I was too terrified to do it."

      Simple, yet intense dream. I had some serious emotional problems back then. Well, I guess I still have.
    5. Killing My Mom - A Lucid Nightmare

      by , 01-14-2012 at 12:52 AM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      Same old story with the recall, only fragments. I guess being biphasic at the moment is capping the limit of my recall. I'm staying asleep so short times that proper long dreams can't form. According to my Zeo Sleep Monitor my longest REM-periods happen a little bit after five hours, so it's no wonder that I'm not reaching my best with 3-4 hours at a time. I'll still keep this up, we'll see if it improves once I get more used to it.

      In the meanwhile let's check back to one fucked up dream I had a while back. One that proves that being lucid and having a nightmare are not exclusive.

      Killing My Mom
      Date: July 27th, 2009
      Lucid: Yes
      Method: DILD

      I don't remember what triggered the lucidity, but after confirming it with reality check I was semi-excited. I had read bunch of stuff back then about grounding the lucidity using touch, so I tried licking a screw that I found. I didn't notice any change in the quality of the dream.

      Next I tried to put the living room's light's on as the dream seemed a bit dark. Obviously the lights wouldn't work. I called out my mom to put them on. I mean surely the dream character would manage to put them on? I don't remember what we exactly said to each other, but she didn't do it in the end. So I did the next best alternative. I started fucking smashing the lamps into pieces. I guess I am more random when lucid than normally in dreams. Surprisingly that was such a strong stimulation that it strengthened the dream. I think it also got brighter, ironically.

      My mom got upset about the broken lamps though. This sent the dream into a downward spiral. Her negative emotions (that were actually mine, since this is my dream after all), made me angrier and I started venting it on the furniture, as I knew it was a dream. I don't usually smash the TV like I did then when I'm mad. No, really, I don't do that shit. So anyway mom started screaming at me for such behavior and I didn't want to hear that shit.

      I went to my brother's room. There's a big window there. I jumped through the glass to get out. Yeah, I sure like destruction. Why take the door, when you can smash yourself through two layers of glass? I ran to the woods next to our house to get away. The atmosphere of the dream had turned into really dark and depressing. I was frightened and conscious of it. I knew that I had to get rid of the fear because I knew that it would affect the dream. Besides, what's there to fear, I knew it was a dream after all!

      I tried joking around with my mom. I said to her that she is surprisingly agile for such considering how big she is (she is overweight). I guess that's not the best joke to say someone to calm him down in reality, but as it amused me and my mom was just a manifestation of my mind, that could have worked. But it didn't.

      Confrontation was inevitable. The fight was short and I killed my mom with a simple hit on the head. I was relieved, but still thought how fucked up that whole thing was. Relief was only temporary though, as my sis came after me next and she wasn't happy. I was like "you gotta be kidding me?" Do I have to kill my family members one by one in a lucid? That's some fucked up shit right there. I tried to convince her to calm down, but I said the last words aloud in my bed, as I had woken up. Thank Lord.
    6. Fondling a Girl's Breasts

      by , 01-05-2012 at 01:49 AM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      Nothing particularly worth remembering last night, so we'll delve into "classics" again. In case somebody's confused, I do have a dream journal where I obviously write every dream down, in finnish - I just translate only interesting/lengthy entries into this one.

      Dark Future
      Date: January 28th, 2009
      Lucid: No

      This started with a fragment of me fondling some girl's breast, thus the header. The girl just laughed at me for being so gentle. I guess girls like it rough. Soon enough the whole dream transformed something completely different and one of the most memorable non-lucids I've ever had.

      I found myself in some kind of electronic control system for laser turrets. My brother was in the cockpit of the next turret and in the sky enemy fighters flew all around. I've written that it was the final battle between good and evil, so perhaps that's how I felt about it at the time.

      I managed to recall the controls of the turret quite accurately. Two joysticks moved the turret around, though I don't know why they needed to have two of them, one would suffice you'd think. Moving and firing was easy, but the problem for me was aiming - there was no way for me to actually see into the sky while I was in the cockpit. In the end I just decided to pull the triggers and keep the laser firing blindly into the sky. At least there's a distant chance of hitting something.

      That wasn't a good idea though. I guess the turret's mechanics couldn't take such continuous firing, as the it jammed, or something like that. It ceased to fire. I pressed all the buttons, but nothing worked. It was time to bail out of there as I had no means of defending myself.

      Outside the situation wasn't much better, as there were dangerous human-destroying robots looming all around. I just knew that, I don't remember actually seeing one immediately after leaving my turret. I was still wandering the streets and I thought to myself, that even if I hide into a basement of some building, the robots must have some kind of life-tracking device and they'd inevitably find me. I felt like I was already dead. Despair filled me.

      I didn't see these terminators around, though. Somehow I still felt threatened. I soon saw and old, abandoned warehouse. A classic place to hide. I didn't hesitate when I walked in there. Maybe I should have, because there was some addict/drunk - a guy who seemed dangerous anyway. He wasn't angry though, but since I was in this threatened headspace already, I was suspicious of him.

      We began talking about something. I don't remember what it was about. All the sudden I grabbed the guy's arm and tried to twist it. First one way, then I switched to the other. It didn't work. The guy just got upset and shot himself with some syringe. Then he attacked me. The details of the fight are out of my recall, but I did manage to knock him out - perhaps even kill him. Makes me kind of seem like a villain as I was the one who attacked first, but still, he did seem dangerous. Better to strike first then.

      I wasn't out of the trouble yet, though. While fighting I had seen another addict in the next room, but he was apparently so high or something, that he completely ignored us. I was leaving the place when three other addicts came in from the same door I had come in. Well, now I was in trouble. They saw the body of their buddy behind me and they weren't happy.

      The addicts surrounded me. I was scared to death by this point - remember I had no idea that this was a dream. It felt very real to me. I was only thinking that I had to survive somehow. I was thinking about performing some kind of wall-jump to go around them, but I guess I was a little bit desperate. This time they were the ones to attack first. One of them threw a punch at me. I managed to partially block him, so that my face only received a touch. Still I let out a loud "Oof" sound as the fist hit me.

      The same guy seemed to stop and think for a moment. Then he threw another punch. This time it got nowhere near to me. Yet again I let out the "Oof" sound, even it didn't hit me at all. All the addicts started to laugh at me. I still felt very threatened and rightly so. I guess the laughing distracted them enough and I took the chance; I ran out between two of them.

      While I was running I already knew I had survived, unless they have guns or something. I was, and still am in at least a solid shape. I can outrun some addicts any day.

      The outside of the warehouse was similar to what it was when I went in. I've described it as being similar to the opposing side of counter-terrorist's starting point in the map cs_compound in Counter-Strike: Source, without the containers. Wow, that was a terrible sentence. Anyway, let's move on. I was going around the warehouse clockwise, but I again ran into trouble - two addicts coming right at me! I supposed they were all buddies of each other. I turned back to round the house counter-clockwise. The addict still at the door of the warehouse behind me shouted to them: "Throw a bottle at him!"

      The other of the two guys that just came at me turned around and started going around the warehouse clockwise, apparently trying to meet me at the other side and surround me again. When I emerged from the other side of the house, I continued straight after the wall ended. The guy coming from the other side appeared a little behind me. He threw a bottle at me. It was a small bottle of 7up, you know, plastic bottle. Seriously? I doubt plastic bottle would have caused much damage to me. There was even some liquid in it still, so I even considered picking it up so that I'd have something to drink. I decided against it in the end.

      "Hahaha, you didn't hit me", I mocked him while I continued to run away. I shouted some other insults as well to him, but I don't remember those anymore.

      So I got away. While I was easing my step, I was visioning myself returning there to revenge. Someday... Apparently I thought myself as some kind of action hero.

      I ran into the "City". Now City was an interesting place. Only the Chosen People were let in there, and I wasn't one of them. So as I approached the place, the special forces started firing me. Gee, I'm really not having good luck. From danger to danger. From addicts throwing plastic bottles at me to special forces firing with guns at me. Some "getting away".

      Somehow I survived being fired at. All of these Chosen People of the future dressed exactly alike. They had long black leather-coats, sunglasses and they all were bald. The coats were open and the clothing beneath it was dark as well. So it was hard for me to mix into them. I wonder how the hell I didn't get found and shot.

      I figured that if I just shaved my head (I have long hair) and dressed alike, I could fool them. That was my long-term plan.

      I don't remember why - or how - but I went to some hospital. There some professor started telling me all kinds of things. I guess he was the exposure needed at this point so that I'd know how this world works. The professor told me about "The Perfect Race of Humans", that they had created. Apparently the Chosen People. On the monitor there was 3d-model of the head of these humans of the future. They had long skulls and small noses. Big forehead. Those were the details I noticed particularly.

      For some reason I started to think about what would be the perfect amount of humans from which the current (as in future as the dream was set there) segment of the humanity had descended on. For some arbitrary reason I figured 10 000 would be good amount. Then I proceeded to think that that's why the killer robots were probably around. They were used to get rid of rest of the humanity, so that the Chosen People would be all there is eventually.

      That's pretty grim vision of future, but at least I survived. It was nightmarish dream, but at the same time it still was totally awesome. One of the best I've had ever.

      It ended in a false awakening where I was in my room, but after that that part is boring. So let's end it here.
    7. Another "Classic"

      by , 01-03-2012 at 02:10 AM (Jakro Goes Hardcore Into LDs)
      Last night didn't produce anything special dreamwise again. I remembered some fragments, but not enough to merit a proper entry here. So instead we are going to delve into another "classic".

      Jakro "Classics" II: Weird Mansion and It's Angry Owner
      Date: January 9th, 2009
      Lucid: No

      I was keeping a fire in the fireplace, but for some reason I somehow removed the burning contents of the fireplace and took them with me outside, next to the shed where we keep our firewood. It was winter and I took the fading fire and placed it onto the snow. Like I said I have no idea how I transported the fire from within the fireplace to outside, nor I know why I did it. The fire wasn't burning very brightly, so I poked the wood a bit to make more space for it to take air - it worked as some old wooden door that was beneath the fire burst into flames like I'd poured gas in it.

      This was the time when I realized that it probably isn't the smartest thing to burn wood next to the shed. If it would have caught fire, that would have been catastrophic. The fire did indeed spread to the wood that was inside the shed. I panicked a bit but managed to put down the fire. The fire was out, but I was still nervous in case there was some smoldering.

      I switched back inside the house all the sudden. There was my brother and some random buddies of him. I felt like I knew them, even though afterwards I had no idea who they were. My brother gave me his phone, so that I could call our sister to watch the shed in case there's still something smoldering.

      For some reason I called my brother's number, which is odd considering I was using his phone! Funny enough, some unknown dude actually answered the phone. There is no mention of the contents of the call, so I take it I didn't move forward much in that discussion. I forgot about the shed as there was a bigger problem.

      The group - me, brother and the other guys - weren't in our house at all. It was some kind of strange mansion, and we were lost there. We didn't know how we had ended up there, but we wanted to get away. We were in some kind of dining hall. There were stairs up, but they were collapsed on the upper end. The upper level wasn't that high anyway. On that upper level there were stairs even further upwards. Couple of the other guys planned to get to that upper level by climbing the stairs to as high as they go and then jumping to the upper platform. It was feasible, as the platform was just about within jumping range.

      I took the lead and was first to try the jump. I managed to grab onto the edge edge of the platform with my arms, but then the platform collapsed under my weight. The fall wasn't long and I didn't hurt myself, but the other guys were a bit pissed about the fact that there was no way upwards anymore.

      In fact, the others succumbed into despair. They talked pure crazy-talk that we are going to starve there as we were stuck. WTF? We were in a mansion, and in a dining hall no less. You'd think there were some food nearby, even more importantly, you'd think someone actually lives there! I wasn't really concerned about starving to death.

      I rallied the rest of the bunch and we started to search for a alternative routes away from there. In some room to the side of dining hall we met a little girl. I asked whether there was any other way out except that broken stairway. The girl then asked us to come with her. She took us to a balcony that was high on the house's side, but it had a stairway going down! We had managed to get out.

      Not so fast. We were just about to go to the balcony when we bumped into the owner of the mansion. Instantly I was afraid of him - he just seemed to emit this vibe of pure hateful energy. Like he was about to snap at any moment. The worse thing was that he was actually carrying a rifle when he came to us. It was some old-fashioned rifle that was probably at least a couple hundred years old. I remember the gun in vivid detail - it was beautifully decorated throughout, both it's metal and wooden parts. It must have been expensive.

      I don't remember exactly what the guy said, but his message was basically this: "I'm glad you are coming out, otherwise I would have had to kill you." Jesus Christ. This guy is a madman, but I figured that out at first sighting.

      We were leaving. Somehow I knew that my dad was on his way to come to pick me up from there. I tried to spark up some conversation with the guy in the meantime, just to keep his occupied so that he doesn't get any ideas about torturing and murdering us. He seemed like a that kind of guy. I was about to compliment him about his nice gun, but I never get to that, as he pulled out a dull and bent butterknife.

      Yeah. This was the kind of guy that was even more scary when wielding a dull and bent butterknife. He could fuck me up with that. I had no doubts in my mind of that. I tried to defuse the situation by saying assertively "Do not point that butterknife at me!", but instead that actually blew out the situation. Wrong move.

      The guy went absolutely nuts. He started shouting that I won't tell him what he can or can't do. I was terrified. "This is it, my life's going to end. Fucked up with a butterknife by some madman."

      Finally he snapped fully and started coming towards me. I tried to survive by starting to run away. I ran the stairs down with the guy chasing me down.

      Lucky for me, just as I was on the ground level, my dad's car emerged from the road. He stopped his car some way from me and I ran to get on board. I was barely in when I screamed at my dad to step on it. I guess he saw the guy that was coming after me as he quickly obliged.

      But I couldn't get the door closed as the lunatic managed to just cut in. Car was already moving and he had to run along to keep up. The madman and I struggled a bit at the door before we finally managed to shrug him off.

      Some way away my it was my dad's turn to snap. I was explaining what happened and my dad got so angry, that he made an U-turn and started accelerating back towards the madman's mansion. I presumed that he was going to try to run over the madman. Wow, I didn't know my dad could get so upset over something that he would cold-bloodedly try to kill someone - even if the madman totally deserves it.

      Anyway, I was still scared to death. I managed to convince my dad to turn back away as I told him, that the lunatic had a rifle. It was lucky that my dad listened to me.

      We drove away from the mansion and had succeeded to escape. My brother and the rest of the crew were forgotten by now, like they never even existed. I guess the managed themselves. Nonetheless this was an uncharacteristically happy ending for a nightmare.