lucid

Bar, Kendall, Red Outfit, Abs, Jessica/Squeaky, car, fast food.
---------------------
I am dressed in all red. I have on a red headband, top and sweater.
We are in a dark bar.
There are three or four of us.
Two of them separate the third, Kendall, and at the bar.
We sit on the stools of the long, dark wooden bar.
We sit and converse and joke around.
We are all good friends.
I have a feeling the other two are also friends from college.
I say something regarding how I have a history of dating/sleeping with men who have nice abs.
It is directed at Kendall of course.
We discuss how we are glad to be in here as opposed to out there.
I am in a car with my niece, Jessica.
We are going to get some food.
When we get out of the car, we are cornered by two guys that seem to know her.
Jessica is now her mother, my sister, Squeaky.
She's flirting with them.
I am aware of my body language.
I try to avoid sending any signals these men might confuse as attraction/interest.
I don't feel like being social at all.

I get up
Groggily feel my way to the bathroom,
wading through piles of clothes and whatnot.

I sit down to pee.
And I'm peeing,
and peeing,
and peeing,
and peeing.
Forever I am peeing!

I say to myself.
"This is definitely a dream. No reality check needed."

I get excited and
*like someone turned on a large vacuum and aimed it at my body.
I was back in bed.
Wide awake.
And I still had to pee badly.

We are at a big party. Amber C. is here and a bunch of other girls I know. It seems that most are girls but there are definitely some boys lingering. We are doing a loft of moving. There is a different movement to mimic/practice/execute in each section of the house. The secret room is here, at least "a" secret room is here. I open the door and there is a fireplace and big stuffy armchairs. It seems no one knows about the room. A second time I peer in, a woman gives me a sneaky smile and locks the door. I intuitively know I can get in though, whenever I wish.

Upstairs there are men feeding on girls like vampires. I do not spend too much time up here but I don't remeber feeling any fear. Everything seemed normal and not taboo. At one point I cannot find any of my friends. I fear that either
a) they have left early without me or
b) ther vampire like men have gotten to them.

I check the hidden room (reconfirming my aforementioned premonition) and they are not there. So I grab my shoes, which is somewhat of a dillema because at this point I am quite lucid and have to decide which shoes are the most logically fit for a quick getaway. I don't recoginze any of the shoes as mine but am confident that I can have my pick because afterall, I'm dreaming. I pick a pair of checkered tennis shoes that are multicolored and remind me of a pair Amanda C. has. I head outside to put them on, which is very difficult. Outside I sit on a curb to put on the shoes. I feel safer out here in the open. The curb is concrete, white concrete. Mid shoeing, I see my companions come out of the door behind me. I don't understand but I figure that I started loking for them before I as very lucid so I must have just missed them. I decide to ask anyway and find out that they have been in the basement. Amber tells me that there is a whole set of rooms down there. She was in a room working on her core strength.

I am with a group of friends at a movie theater. I feel like we're going to see something special like Harry Potter, or some fantasy flick. My group needs to do something before we head into our film and I know that if I don't go now, I will not be pleased with my seat. So I make some sort of excuse to do something like go to the bathroom or I just ninja my way in the door before anyone has time to notice. Suddenly I am in a large mass of people all trying to enter the theater. I struggle around for a bit but eventually find a good seat. Staring at the screen I notice my vision is blurry. This triggers nistant lucidity (for I wear contacts and glasses in real life). This was the internal dialogue that followed:

Do I have my contacts in?
Of course I do I'm at a movie theater.
I wouldn't go see a movie without vision.
I can't see the screen very clearly so I must be in a dream movie theater.
If I'm in a dream does my vision need altering?
Does it dpend on my lucidity?
Wait...OMG...I'm dreaming!"

*wakes up

I am in a large building. I have a room there. Late in the experience I notice a door has appeard next to my room in the long gray hallway. I open up the tall gray metal door to a strange room with shelves and shelves of food supplies. I go to joyously exclaim my findings to my roomate when I get the sense of danger. Someone very bad is in the hallway. I might even see them if the door was closed and my blind spot were elimintated. They know I'm on the other side. A man in uniform appears.

I a m participating in some gathering. My mother is here. We sit on some sort of skateboard esque vehicle, on our butts. We slide down a windy forest highway, holding hands. My mom pulls me in closer to her, avoiding the traffic on either side of us.

I am in this house. I know it, but it's been a while. There are beds everywhere, as if the owners were accomodating many guests. I get the sense that this may be the last time I get to be here. Amanda C. is here. She is in a room that is failiar to me.
Two couches very close to each other.
Small room, crowded.
Low lit.
Electronics with their messy cords.
I lose my camera. Suddely it's night and I feel alone in the house. I'm not scared just anxious to know where everyone is. I walk around in the dark until I am upstairs. There is a large room just before two smaller rooms that are side by side. I don't think these rooms have doors. Only door frames. I enter the room to the right, and find someone is sleeping. I feel this is a young woman, one who lives here. The daughter of the owners possibly. I leave the room and house. I find myslef in a wooded area. I follow the sounds of talking, laughter and music. I find a crowd of people, some familiar. They all seem to be sitting on a raised platform of some kind. Like the bed of a semi-truck or a dock. My mom is also here. She is sitting on someone's lap, a man. She is glowing with happiness. I see my father and realize that this group is comprised mostly of musicians. It's dark and they are partying it up. I see Ryan H. up on the platform. I don't want to talk to him because
a) I dont think he'll remember me and
b) I just don't want the small talk right now.
There is a small black boy telling a joke. The joke has something to do with the 80's and the band New Edition. I pretend to laugh uncontrolably so Ryan doesn't think that I recognize him (oh dream logic).

Note: My father was a musician.

In the lodge of sorts. In my room I put too much stress on my red curtains. The section comes down. I hold the bar, attempting to fix it but soon come to believe it is a lost cause. A piece is broken/missing. I see a cat who I realize is Nala.

We come face to face and I begin to remember that she is dead. In my room I am in bed naked and Alexander crawls in next to me also naked. He spoons me and I can feel his smooth skin and th great warmth radiating from it. Suddenly I remember that his sweetheart is just outisde my room. The room with one missing curtain. I mildly panic, worried she can see us. Alexander doesn't seem a bit worried. I spot Kova. I pick her up and take her to the long couch where Alexanders' sweeheart sits. I give her the cat to play with and she seems very pleased.


Note: Kova is my cat, sister of Nala.

I'm in a house with my sister and we are almost hiding out. I can feel that there are very few life forces around. Maybe a few other families on a big, sandy colored suburban block of Las Vegas style, upper-middles class houses. There is a war/fight going on in the sky. It is night time. Out of the large living room windows I can see formations of flying fighter crafts deploying to some unknown mission. Are they on our side? I don't think so. I know it's not safe here and at any moment we could be attacked. It seems my sister is unaware of this or doing very well do ignore the threat. A man knocks on my door. He is a shorter brown man with black hair and a moustach. I think he's Indian. I immediatly and suspicious of him, and he invites me to a meetup a short distane from here at an abandoned Taco Bell. Here we will learn about the threat and current conditions. I don't believe him. He leaves and a short time later, his wife knocks on my door. She is brown like him and she has some thawed out bags of meat to give me; tilapia, shrimp and something else. I take them graciously even though I don't eat meat. I understand that food is sparse. She asks me how I am and I feel I must mention the meeting with her husband. She acts as though she doesn't know what I'm talking about but I can tell she does. I can see her husband watching us behind her through the door.

Maya and I are in a house. Mom. This house is long and narrow. There is a yellow white lighting to the place like there are a lot of lamps overhead and about. It is crowded and cluttered. We are playing a game. I cannot recall how we entered the game but there is a dark, authoritative figure present and the game begins. We are chased and harassed by two huge dogs. Like pit bull, greyhound, wolf hybrids. They have snarling teeth and dirty mugs.

We are scratched and bitten but never mortally or even severely wounded. I spot a large stuffy sofa below and open window. I look to a bite/scratch on my finger and see it bloody and bubbling with pus. Out the window is another row type house and and average neighborhood. Now I am lucidly aware that this is very much got the feel of my birth house on Alberta. We jump out the window onto the stuffy chair.

Note: This is the first dream I remember having in my life. I must have been three or four years old.

I'm in the living room of our first house on twenty-sixth and Alberta in Portland, Oregon. I'm not sure of my age but I can see my skinny little girl legs dangling down from my dad's lap. So I figure I'm three or four. We're in his light blue reclining chair. The sun sheds light on the chair and on me and on dad. I feel safe. Then it is dark. Not completely dark but the dark of a dense cloud covering sun. I am in the lap of Beetleguise. His black and white striped pants in place of my dad's blue jeans.

Cora, Keely and I are working behind the scenes at a university of some sort. In the main area I see Tom Waitts. I joke around with him and he leaves. I think I made him uncomfortable. The girls and I ride a strange elevator up to a hay colored loft area. We talk. I tell them that my uncle rocky invited me to this concert and I haven't even been inside yet. We go back down and I get a bit of vertigo. I sat on my butt for the decent. The university area is a really big and confusing. Cora and I leave and go around the corner. There is a very steep hill. I go for it at a run. I make it almost all the way up when I see car lights and turn a quick right into some major astral wind. The people I passed don't seem to be affected by it. I worry that they're looking at me funny. I do some swimming motions and make it finally. Im any raised, patio of some sort, that borders the main arena/university. There are many iron gates and green shrubs. I find Cora and we are in the hallway. I get the sense that this hallway is for staff only. We are sitting along rounded hallway. The kind that circle an arena. There is a girl next to her, along with various other apparent coworkers. The girl is dark skinned with gray blue and black dreadlocks. She bends Cora's head into her lap and begins to passionately kiss her. At first I am surprised but after a while I am just bored and somewhat anxious. Cora tells me something about her mystery girl, it is something along the lines of " I don't think I can live without her, I'm so grateful to have her in my life." Suddenly unconcerned about someone I need to keep in contact with via cell phone. I reach for my phone and by the time I'm looking at the screen to dial/TEXT it is pouring down soft warm rain. I'm mildly concerned for my phones well being but I soon forget. I am wandering now but have a definite goal in mind. A beautiful woman is around. She looks like Halle Berry and I know that she's kind and powerful. I find my way back to that patio/courtyard. Someone is leading me to a table surrounded by very special people these people are the ones whom this whole production/concert is for. I know that I'm not supposed to be worthy of their presence but whoever is leading the insist that I belong. " How could we possibly begin without you?" They say to me as I take my spot around the table.
Note: at some Point I find myself and alone lit room and the university I'm talking to an older professor. All of the doorknobs are defective.

We are outside. It is beautiful day. Sun shining. And near some sort of fenced lot when the animals begin to roam. They are huge and attacking everyone. As I head east, an animal tracks me down so I hold very still. I breathe deeply. The animal passes. I make it back to the dorms where I find myself in a room that is not mine. I'm only wearing a short dress as I peruse the closet. It is filled with a retro clothing may be from the seventies. I'd try on a mauve, long sleeved button up shirt. I know I'll need some sort of cold protection. I take the shirt and see that there's a dog in the room. I fear it is one of the wild alien animals and continue to treat it as such, however it doesn't seem to pose any threat. I take a shower hoping the dog will leave me alone. It just jumps in. Brian joins me. I'm in room 19. We start to have sex but here a jeep pull up outside of our window. The jeep crew some of whom we may or may not know, offer to take us to a refuge. However we cannot tell the leaders what we've done or we will be negatively judged. I think we refuse. Now we are in Brian's car driving north of the few companions on a busy street. We see through a foggy sky a fleet of quick moving UFOs do twisty curvy maneuvers. They are blasting some announcement over their communication form. Brian and I are making fun of the address because it seems very obvious. All of a sudden a blanket of snow and ice is on all you can see. We panic a bit and start looking for any extra clothing we can pile on. I still am sporting a short dress and the shirt from someone's retro closet. I spy a hat, one of those kind with fur on the inside. a girl we are with grabs at first but soon I spy and other like it. After driving for a bit we realize that there is no more snow. We've reached a mountain. The road to it, you can spot all sorts of perversely large animals. The results of the recent panic. We traverse a rocky path alongside the mountain. Inlaid eye level in the mountains are short wide windows. I look inside and see a classroom laboratory. The people inside don't seem to be concerned about the recent panic. Now I'm at Suzette Kenny's house. I into the basement and Kenny is sleeping on the couch. As I go upstairs I'm thinking about the safety of Maya and mom. Suzette assures me they are safe. There is a black man smiling at me on the couch. Sharon appears to be very frail. I tell Suzette I plan on walking back, but she insists on giving me a ride.

It was Brian's birthday and we were at my old pre-school. We were sitting on couches surrounding a large rectangular pool. I wanted to sit by him but there wasn't any room for me so I chose a couch to myself. I went to go swimming but there were four or five large basketball players about to start a swim race. I was confident I would be faster than them so before they took off I jumped or dove in a ways down. Diving in the water was much more shallow than I anticipated. I nearly hit my head on the bottom. When I came up one of the basketball players was saying rude things to me. Telling me I didn't belong. Brian was asleep on one of his lady friend's laps when I returned so I went to find some food. A very nice waitress offered me caviar and something to scoop it up with that looked like tiny, purplish/blue clam chips. I am finally feeling a little better when her manager loudly whispers to her that

I've taken too much.

I tell him

I can hear him.

I'm supposed to take seven to eight but apparently i have taken nine or ten. I ask him ,

“How on earth is someone who has never eaten caviar know the proper way?”

I also imply that he thinks he is better than me. Now we are beginning a mischievous task. I'm not aware of it, but I go along. They've started off already, deeper into Peninsula School. Not leaving me any time to gather my belongings. It seems they're always just around the next corner. There is a small boy in a wheelchair whom I know cannot move too much. I see him roll forward and begin to call his guardian when I see him look at me and gegin to roll back into place.

EPIPHANY; While typing out this dream (journal to computer) I thought about how during the entire dream I am suffering. One blow after another. Then I meet this young child who appears to have little to nothing. What is this saying to me?


NOTE: I VERY OFTEN HAVE DREAMS ABOUT ANXIETY OVER LEAVING BEHIND A PURSE, BAG, SUITCASE, BACKPACK. SUFFERING FEELINGS OF PANIC AND DEPRESSION.

Dad and I are talking and at the foot of his bed is a huge scorpion. I fear it but he is just curious.



FRAGMENT:
I am in the school, at the end of the long hallway. I reach down and when my finger comes back there is blood on it.