McDreamy

A little bit of a break from dreamviews, but I have been continuing my practice with DEILD and now the more traditional version of WILD as well.

All throughout April I was having some remarkable success with waking up in the middle of night motionless with my eyes still closed, and experiencing what are probably signs of sleep paralysis such as my legs filling up with bubbles and other bodily or visual changes. The waking up properly part seems to be a matter of confidence, and perhaps the amount of time you spend setting the intention. But falling asleep after waking up (while still intending to DEILD) has been a persistent issue for me; although my body is certainly relaxed waking up in this way, my mind is usually fairly alert upon waking in the night. I also have not overcome my problem of becoming too excited when anything starts to happen, and focusing too intently on things. I am also reluctant to stay up for more than 15 minutes or so trying, to prevent too much disruption to sleep for the next day at work. Maybe I could go to bed a half hour earlier, and extend the time I can devote to each attempt.

I have decided to work on the traditional WILD method over the weekends. It will be a great tool for my repertoire, and I think that gaining proficiency with WILD will improve my chances with DEILD given that they are essentially the same thing. I encounter what are basically the same problems while doing both. Fortunately, I am enjoying the process of trying to achieve my first full fledged DEILD/WILD, and the failures have not begun to discourage me yet.

Experimenting with various nuances of WILD, I am yet to figure out which technique works best for me. I love the idea of FILD, but it has shown very little promise for me. Simple counting to maintain awareness and to anchor my thoughts seemed to be working a couple of times, but has been hit and miss. Merely acting as a passive observer of the process has been very promising. But I also find that something to distract my thoughts is needed when any changes start to occur, so that I do not focus too intently on them or get excited.

The past couple of days I have tried some simple visualization of a boring scene or task such as sweeping a wooden floor..the feel of the broom..the sounds..Yesterday doing this I got to this point where I was teetering on the verge of sleep. I tried to do it somewhat passively as well, and to allow any sensations that occurred, to happen. For instance, I noticed that my eyes have a tendency to dart around, and that I should not fight this. Today I did the same visualization but was probably having difficulty from focusing too intently on the visualization, so I decided to just 'let things happen.' Felt this tingling over my body and then saw some swirls. My eyes were darting around and going upwards as far as they could go, and it was like my eyes/eyelids were having a little seizure. I tried to just allow things to unfold, but got excited that perhaps I would finally succeed and then was too alert.

So basically as a self-reminder: continue some gentle visualization and allow things to unfold during DEILD and WILD attempts. If this is a dud then try to passively observe back of eyelids as a method, or counting. The visualization is pretty orthodox when it comes to DEILD, so I think it warrants more experimentation.

This was a strange night, and strange morning..

Pre-sleep

-Meditated for a few minutes to relax and forget about some things that were on my mind
-Wrote mantra in DJ: "I will gently wake from a dream, motionless with eyes closed."
-Repeated this as I was falling asleep

The night was strange from the beginning because as I was repeating mantra while trying to let myself sleep, I really felt as if the intention became solidified, and actually felt my legs become much heavier. Then my arms and body in general became heavy, as if in response to my desire to remain motionless upon waking. Then my cognition became very odd, which was a little disturbing. It's hard to describe, but my thoughts were just strange, foreign and garbled. This isn't the first time this has happened after setting this intention, and previously I would disregard my intent and tell myself the contrary, that I would just sleep the night through and not concern myself with lucid dreaming. This time I decided to ride it out and see what happened, although it took me a while to fall asleep, and it was very uncomfortable to be in my head. In the background noise of all this, my thoughts would sometimes turn to the paranormal, further complicating my efforts. Eventually sleep overtook me.

I woke up in the night and definitely moved, but stayed awake briefly to see if anything happened, before falling asleep again. I was reading KingYoshi's WILD guide before bed, and he mention with DEILD that remaining motionless and eyes closed is great, but that you should still make an attempt with it even if you did move while waking up. Yoshi's emphasis on falling asleep and letting things happen with minimal input is also pretty interesting for a beginner like me.

Dream

I am flying a helicopter with J or someone else at night over a city, and there is a mountain range in the distance. There are lights between some of the peaks, coming from somewhere far off that I am interested in going to. It looks like lights from a city or a stadium or something. I decide that I want to fly between the peaks, and radio this to the air traffic controller in the city I am hovering over. The man on the other end tells me not to, because I don't have the training to be flying at night, and that this would be too dangerous. I tell him I will return to base, but hesitate about saying "base" and search for the correct non-military word.

I am in a building and it is either a match of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds (having a lot of dreams about this haha), or a non-video game military battle. There are some noises of someone's quiet footsteps, so I sneak around the door way into a different room. To my right are two doors, and another entrance to the room I am in, and to my left is a window (random details). I have my gun ready to open fire on whoever comes in through the entrance. I hear the breaking of some glass or the crumpling of some paper under someone's feet, and this lasts for a little while. This is a little strange, and I realize that I am dreaming! I look around the room, but my vision is becoming foggy, and I realize that my hold on the dream is weakening and I wake up.

Another fragment about some authority figure, and some task I had to do.

I think I was having an olfactory hallucination after waking up from the lucid dream, which has also happened before. It's just this strange smell that is sometimes there for a while after I become lucid and wake up. Feeling a bit strange today but that could be from lack of sleep from my weekend of waking up throughout the night to try and become lucid!


WILD Attempt (noon nap)
-Progressive muscle flexing/relaxing, and put a blanket over my eyes to keep the light out. I decided to put an emphasis on letting things happen, but still incorporated counting with exhale, as this seems to help with my mental chatter. Changed positions a couple of times after nothing was really happening, to get comfortable again like in Yoshi's guide. In the third position my body became very relaxed and I definitely got to the point where I was teetering on the edge of consciousness/unconsciousness, which was definitely a step in the right direction! But, excitement kicked in and the heart rate went up as I noticed some vague physical sensations, and things kind of fell flat. Was also a bit apprehensive. Oh well. It does help a little bit to not fight the excitement, and just let it happen and then return your attention to whatever else.

It's kind of funny that I seem to get more excited during the WILD process than I do when I actually become lucid through DILD.

I set a goal this week of waking up with my eyes closed and remaining still one time. I managed to do this twice. April 3rd I did this and waited for about 20 seconds without anything happening before deciding to go back to sleep (didn't want to lose much sleep that night). Last night, I did this and thought about my previous dream. There was maybe some slight hypnagogia, but nothing more happened for whatever reason..could be focusing too intently and watching the process happen as any slight changes occurred. I think the former attempt was too early in the morning, but the latter was probably at an appropriate time. I mentioned in a DEILD thread that I would experiment with multiple attempts per night, resetting the intention to wake up appropriately after any unsuccessful attempts. Eventually I should wake up in a more REM dominated phase of sleep in the morning (if this is even the issue). From what I've read the hardest part about DEILD is waking up without moving or opening your eyes, but even when I manage to do this, very little else happens. This is confusing but I will figure it out soon enough. In my first DEILD attempt, I woke up motionless and felt strong vibrations...where did these go!?

Dream

I am in a game of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds in first person, but am actually physically in the game. There are a lot of noobs as part of some event that's going on. I see armor on the ground and pick it up. I am with someone, I think J, along with R2D2 and C3PO from star wars. We are in the woods at night, and are a little bit lost. There is a raised rubble pathway to my right. I am surprised that the droids are able to manage through this terrain. We get to a small grass gap between the edge of the forest and a farmers field with tall corn. Suddenly the clouds part and the moon shines down on us, leaving us exposed. I lead us to the crops to take cover so nobody sees us, especially a werewolf because its a full moon after all. We lay prone in the cornfield, but oh shit! We're lying next to a werewolf!! It starts snarling at me and moves toward me barking..or whatever is it that werewolves do.

WILD attempt at noon:
-focused on my breath to relax, and then started counting down with each exhale..There were some thoughts about whether my eyes would flutter open like they sometimes do when attempting a WILD, but I mindfully let them pass and returned to counting. I noticed some very active swirls and blobs moving for some period of time while counting down, but then I got excited and it stopped. Will try to be more mindful about this, and just return attention to anchor as anything is happening. Paying too much attention to the process of falling asleep is probably keeping me awake. Will just let things happen on their own. WILD is basically still just falling asleep, and I know how to do that already

Woke up in the middle of the night, and set my intention to wake up with my eyes closed, motionless after my next dream. It worked! Hearing seemed to become my "primary" sense, if that makes sense. I could hear some gentle noises in the room, then noticed the back of my eyelids, and realized I had not moved. It was a gentle awakening. I tried to imagine the previous dream, but nothing was really happening. I think I decided to focus on breathing next, there was some mild hypnagogia but nothing more happened, and I decided to give up and sleep.

Edit: I wonder if my autosuggestion is not specific enough. Perhaps I am waking myself up too early and am awakening from NREM-dominated sleep. This would presumably make it harder to DEILD. I may check the time after unsuccessful DEILDs, or alternatively I could set additional intentions to wake from dream after each attempt, and eventually I will wake during a REM-dominated period of the night.

Dream

I am on a street at night, trying to get across a section of it without someone seeing me. I think this is like the video game Player Unknown's Battlegrounds. I am walking down the sidewalk now then begin running past someone.

I woke up repeatedly throughout the night but not with eyes shut. Didn't have too much time to set my intention perhaps. After my initial successes, a part of me is also afraid of failure because this is a promising technique that I would like to work for me, and now I'm somehow expecting it as a result. But I will focus on the progress, the successes, and remember that it is about training over time. I will get this. I will try meditating for relaxation immediately prior to my next attempts, and see if this helps. A part of me suspects that confidence in success is a huge part of whether or not it actually works.

After a wake back to bed of 45 mins I try to WILD. I took an attitude of: anything that occurs is an experience happening to me, I don't control it, so I will just let it happen and observe whatever it is, even if that experience is me becoming too excited and things coming to a halt. I tried FILD on my back and became quite relaxed, body numb, and I noticed the swirls and blobs of light becoming more and more frequent. They became more intense than usual probably due to my mindset, and I felt my eyes starting to open automatically, and I struggled to keep them shut, but unfortunately they fluttered open a little bit. Switching to my front, I was on the brink of sleep and was sometimes forgetting what I was trying to do, and would then revert back to the FILD practice. I let myself forget about lucid dreaming, and just let myself sleep, but also remembering the finger practice without consciously thinking about the WILD attempt. Re-interpreting it as something I do to help me sleep normally, so that I wasn't so focused on lucid dreaming, which tends to keep me excited and too alert. I noticed rapidly flashing lights and the sensation that something had just happened to my body, like a heaviness or something. My alarm went off shortly.

Later noon attempt: body became very relaxed and numb, and there were swirls of light, but I was drifting off less often than earlier. The excitement/heart rate was high and I was having trouble mindfully/gently allowing thoughts and metacognition to come and go, returning attention the task. Mindful breathing did help somewhat but improvements and dedicated mindfulness practice may pay dividends.

Edit: Afternoon attempt (3pm): When had some HI and it felt like my view of it was zooming in, my eyes just automatically started to open. How frustrating!!

Dream (from night before waking)

I am in England with my girlfriend (I think), and am driving over what looks like a Scottish countryside road, replete with rolling hills overlooking beautiful small lakes. There are old stone buildings on the hill tops and elsewhere along the road, and the day is a cloud one, but still the scene is picturesque. I am sitting in an airport terminal with some people, KZ included. We discuss driving to Cape Cod (USA) before leaving England, because this is one of my favorite places and I would like to go. I think that KZ leaves today to go back to work, but he says that he is leaving in the morning and can go out on the town tonight.

I am at work now, and there is a toy remote control helicopter similar to the one my girlfriend's brother owns. I play with it and fly it around the office. I almost crash it a number of times but manage to salvage the mini flight. The lights are off in the other end of the office, because I decided to save power and only turn on the ones that I would need. I am completely alone here, nobody else is at work. I am disembodied and flying a helicopter in the third person now, and am hovering above three warehouses below me. There is someone in one of them, communicating with me via radio or walkie talkie when I am hovering about them directly. This is some sort of drug bust, and they are perhaps undercover.

Was planning on just sleeping last night without attempting to DEILD, but I woke up naturally, although without having my eyes closed etc, and decided to try WILD. I was not able to fall asleep. I was trying too hard, I think, and was still a little excited. Eventually I started losing track of my counting which was positive I suppose, in that I was starting to doze off, but nothing happened for too long and I decided to give up. While I was trying to sleep for real, I finally started to notice hypnagogic imagery, the blobs and swirls, and was able to watch it without it disappearing. I think I was passively paying attention, rather than my usual 'trying to be passive'. Trying to be a passive observer is not really being a passive observer, I suppose. I think it is important to experience the hypnagogic imagery through your senses, in this case sight, but not really through the lens of thought. You can tell while awake if you are experiencing the world through your mind or through your senses primarily, the latter just being in the moment, so the same will probably be true of falling asleep. I will experiment again tonight and record what happens.

Dream

I am in my girlfriend's room with a group of others whom I do not really know. They are huddled on the far end of the room by the window. The door opens slightly, so I go over and gently close it. It opens again. I close it again..I think it is the wind, although deep down I know this doesn't make sense, because there is no draft through the apartment and no windows open. The door bursts open, there is a strong gust, and I am thrown into the air towards the others by the window.

I am biking somewhere through an open field, filled with people, near some building. This is a park, perhaps. I leave the bike and start walking. I notice some gangsters walking into the area and they look very sketchy, so I decide to get out of there, but I forget about my bike lying there on the grass. The gangsters are shouting at each other, but I do not remember what they said. I am now in a movie theater/lecture hall, and Tom Hanks is the speaker. He finishes one segment of his lecture and tells us all to get into these reclining chairs equipped with some audio or visual technology to allow us to better experience what he is trying to impart to us. I do so, but others don't seem to use the chairs. Some people in front of my are sitting in their normal chairs and continue talking.

Non-Dream

Repeated the mantra: "I will wake up with my eyes closed, remaining still," and imagined doing so.

I woke up, but unfortunately did not keep my eyes closed, and did not remain still. Nonetheless, I decided to count myself to sleep, using the phrase "1..I am dreaming...2...I am dreaming..." etc. I was far too excited, and could not relax enough to fall asleep. To relax, I tried a breathing technique that involved inhaling for 4 seconds and exhaling for 6, for a 10 second inhale/exhale cycle, resulting in 6 breaths per minute to slow the heart rate down. I learned about this technique in a sport psychology class, and decided to try it given that apparently there is some empirical data to support its use. My heart rate gradually slowed, and I am pretty sure that I felt my body enter sleep paralysis but am not certain. After the counting approach wasn't working I tried to passively watch the hypnagogic imagery but nothing was happening.

I was fighting with my mind too much, fluctuating between trying to do these exercises, trying not to try too hard, and the like. I decided to give up and go to sleep, which did result in my first lucid in a long time, but through a DILD rather than DEILD.

Dream

I am standing at the end of my driveway, and the entire street is completely flooded. I look to my left and there is a group of golden retrievers jumping onto kayaks for fun from the side of the road. They are accompanied by two other non-golden retrievers, and they are forming a pyramid on the kayaks, like human gymnasts do. I try and take some pictures with my phone for my girlfriend, but realize I have her phone and not mine. I take some pictures and try to record a video, and wonder whether I should drive the phone to her.

With the girlfriend, there are some gangsters that are mad at us in their car while we are walking. They yell at us and I yell back. Then we start threatening each other with tiny guns. Then we start taking shots at eachother, but they are little bb's that just sting a little, and we are not aiming for lethal parts of the body. We don't actually want to kill eachother. Later I am with girlfriend in huge mall, where there is a party, and we notice people are running, and we assume that there is a shooter. A guard informs us that there is no danger, and cites our earlier bb incident as evidence that everything is fine. We go outside onto the road, it is winter, and there is a crowd of people, and a trough of ice along one side of the road. There is a girl from the show WestWorld there, I realize I am dreaming, and rub my hands together to stabilize the dream. I try not to think about waking up, and try to focus only on the world around me instead. I run my hands over the ice, and spin around to try and further stabilize, but I wake up instead.

I go into the basketball court and am the worst player there, and people groan as I attempt to make a shot and miss wildly. They don't want me on the team. I run to the locker room in shame, and another younger player tells me I should quit. I defiantly refuse, but he threatens to accuse me of sexual misconduct if I do not, so I end up quitting.

I have returned to lucid dreaming after a long hiatus, and will be documenting my progress with DEILD. Hopefully this will keep me motivated and will help me to troubleshoot any issues I am experiencing. Although my past five or six attempts have not resulted in a lucid dream, they have been very promising, as I have been able to wake up while remaining still with my eyes closed. The first attempt I felt vibrations but then got excited and the vibrations subsided shortly after they started. In subsequent attempts I have woken up, but have been too alert to fall asleep. In part this has been related to excitement, but also it has been difficult navigating the paradox of trying without trying, and of looking without truly seeing. In other words, my trying too hard after waking up is probably counterproductive, and it is challenging to let images form before your eyes without focusing too intently and causing them to vanish. I am beginning to practice mindfulness during the attempts, which I think will help a great deal.

I am still a little bit confused regarding how to facilitate the transition to a dream. If I hold onto a tiny slice of awareness, will this happen automatically? Or alternatively, do I need to reach some requisite level of relaxation and sleepiness, and then imagine the dream scene, and become enveloped by it? As I understand it, the latter is the recommended approach to DEILD, and this is how I will focus my efforts. I am a little confused by the use of mantras to anchor my thoughts during an attempt, but I could perhaps mindfully use an anchor until I start seeing hypnagogic imagery, and then start to imagine the sights, sounds, and tactile sensations of my previous dream.

I think if I were less alert upon waking, the transition would be quicker to the dream, and there would be less room for error. Not my attempt last night but the one prior, I woke up tired and groggy, and felt like this was a good level of alertness. The mantra I used to set my intention that night was this: "I will wake up with my eyes closed, tired and groggy." Coincidence? I think not. I will try to incorporate this again into my bedtime mantra, but may also include something about remembering the previous dream and re-entering it. Experimentation time!

Last night I was very stressed out before bed and was unable to wake up from a dream with my eyes shut or remaining still. My mantra was "I will wake up with my eyes closed," and I repeated it fewer times than normal, but the attempt was probably doomed to begin with because of how I was feeling. Here was one of my short dreams anyways:

Dream

"I am at a banquet with people from work and my girlfriend is there too. There is music playing, and she wants me to sing but I don't want to. We are sitting at circular tables with white table cloths. Someone at my table is singing a song about a relationship, and tells someone else to pretend that they are a mountain. I think he also had a newspaper cartoon section in front of him. I get up from the table and walk past some tables, and past one of my co-workers, and out the door where there is a piano with microphone outside. To the right of this there is a giant box of chocolates that look very delicious. One of them is spherical like a truffle, and has a long chocolate tail roughly 8 cm long, and has some sort of sparkle or sprinkle to it. That's the one I want."

Dreams
I am pursuing enlightenment and different states of consciousness with Spock from Star Trek. There is a scene I incubate and it would appear and I would know I was making some kindof progress. I was very scared and I was at a table with a Spock action figure talking about it with him. I could feel changes happening to me, and I tried to snap out of whatever change I thought was going on.

I am at Albert Einsteins house and I look up at the ceiling. It is made of wood and the upper floor is filled with water. It is buckling the roof above me and there is a huge bulge where the water is about to leak out. For some reason it feels very significant. It has something to do with the secrets of Einstein. I am sitting down somewhere in a different building and I look to the right, there is a glass window and some art exhibit below outside. In front of me is more glass with some of my profs sitting behind it. I start talking to one of them but the glass prevents any sound from travelling so we try and read eachothers lips. Another prof beside this one thinks that I am talking to her, so she starts speaking as well. They both seem really into me. I think the profs are part of another exhibit and some of the ppl behind the glass might have been dolls.

I was in some building not a prisoner but I couldn't really leave. There was a cute girl on the phone and she was asking me directions about the streets around the area. My sister? is outside the doorway and I ask her these questions and relay them to the cute girl but she hears the answers directly from my sis. The girl is ordering french food and I ask her how much it is, I'd like to have some french ood too. My sister comes over and is like "really? you just ate -blank- and pie as well and are still hungry?" "I didn't have any pie." I say.

Earlier I was at an art Gallery and Tristan was sitting on a bench sleeping so I woke him up. He denied that he was sleeping. I went and looked at some jewelry that was part of some art on the floor. I'm on a bus at night with KZ and I am very disturbed about the whole Spock thing. We are going far past my house so I ask kz if he wants to get out and start walking now, but he says we should wait. Somebody takes a picture of me with a really bright flash. It was Leslie, kz says. I take a picture of him with a flash but its not leslie anymore its conner. Am I dreaming? I look around and seriously consider it and get a little creeped out at the possibility. Kz goes "woohoo!" or something and I wake up.

-I wake up kindof disturbed and fall asleep a little later. Just fragments of the next dreams.-

Dreams
I wanted to go study in Paris but somebody didn't want me to go. King Joffrey from A game of thrones is at the front of a lecture theatre and some game is going on. He tells his guards to bring him my head, but some people object. I am afraid. There is some gunfight in a hallway related to going to Paris. I remember running into my grandfather and having a brief conversation with him.

Dreams
There's some kindof war? I run outside and in this courtyard is a giant doll like robot that I shoot in the eye with a bazooka. It is absorbed right into her eye. I go into the courtyard and there is an angry birds game, and I am the angry bird. I launch myself with the elastic slingshot and try and hit the targets. There are lots of pastries and cakes on the targets that I eat while doing this. During this there are some voices talking about a really chillax prof. Im running along some dirty gravel mounds barefoot trying to get to a cabin. David's cat died, so they got a new one, and Kelly was standing over me as she said it. We go inside and I shake some Indians' hands, and we see david and say "thats horrible news, I'm sorry to hear it." I'm in this camp or cabin now and the other people are all druggies. Prince Joffrey from a Game of Thrones is there and so is Queen Cercei. I swear my allegiance to Joffrey and my future king, and also to Cercei, but she says that nobody actually wants to be queen so don't swear allegiance to her. The druggies give me food but its all drugged with barbituates. I spit most of it out. It is nightime and there is a chopper hovering around outside our tent. It has the roof of a tent, but the sides are all glass and the chopper must be able to see us with its searchlight which is on us. The chopper lowers down and turns into a tent with the crew all sitting down on a bench inside. "How did the chopper change from that into a tent?" I ask. "It has scissors." The guy next to me replies. I think this is a dream. Things go black and I go into a non lucid where I get sick and vomit from all of the bugs in Key West where there is a vampire.

-Wake up-I wake up with that bad dream kindof feeling, and stay up a little bit to try and get my bearings.

Dreams
I am flying in a cessna with my mom who is the pilot. She flies very low, no higher than 400 feet off the ground. We fly under powerlines and stuff. We fly under some structure and see the runway and she puts down full flaps and cuts power an we land on it. I am a little bit relieved because I wasn't sure she would pull it off. It is a relatives place in the winter and a lage British man comes out and talks to me. He jokes without really any hint of humour in his voice and asks me if I brougt my swimming gear to swim in the lake. Is this in Kingston? I reply that I didn't bring my wetsuit. There is a long and large machine under some covering that will be revealed to us as a surprise. They eventually uncover it and its a huge digging claw that a tractor has. It picks up snow and dumps it into some bin. They are wearing suits and hats I think, and it reminds me of an old old picture in black and white. It reminds of death and how we are all going to be dead someday.

I was in a library with lots of medical equipment attached to me, such as a clip on my finger measuring oxygen levels. I am lying on the floor. Someone gave me some advice.

I am going off into the woods at night and I stop on a stone bridge with a slight arch, over a river. I decide that I don't want a gun, and am afraid of a bullet accidently going off through my brain. I don't know where this is coming from, but I'm imagining the bullet going through my brain, and it makes me squirm its so disturbing. I dissasemble it and throw it in the river I think. The river rises and I start to swim across the bridge back to the where I came from. I get back to some building or something along the path and go inside as its the only way back. There are flames and stuff, and a corpse with wide eyes is hanging at the exit. Shit, I need a gun now to protect myself. Wish I didn't leave it back there.

I am standing in a line with Will and someone else. Theres an undead grandmother behind us. It is dark out and we are waiting to get to the top of some building, but they are only here for postcards. I get to the front of the line and start to climb up through this hatch in the ceiling. Like an opening in the canvas or whatever. The undead grandmother grabs my ankle as I climb up and I freak out like I'm surprised that she's a zombie. Everybody shouts at me to stop freaking out but I do anyway. Somebody won something earlier down the line..

I'm walking through some path in the woods and I can see an image of my french prof through the trees. I get to this spot where in front of me is a rock wall but kindof like giant stairs. I turn around and go back

I'm in an exam in a library of a very old school. While everyone else is writing I'm looking for a book about knights? I'm standing beside a bookshelf and half the lights in the room go out in the room. I go into the hallway and speak to a very old professor, and tell her about an old supersition that I heard about. She says "Before I died, I heard about that."

I'm under house arrest in a dormitory room. The lights are all off and I'm just sitting there. There is some kindof courtyard outside and a very large pool where other students are hanging out and swimming. Aaron from school is sitting on a couch near the door and I ask him if he wants any bologna. I am holding like a pound of balogna. He insults me and I apoligize, and say he didn't have to bitch me out. He says I deserved to get bitched out for offering him balogna like that. The owner of the dorm/house comes by for a visit. He is texan and wears a cowboy hat, and built the place himself. He pulls a gun on us, and I think that we are going to die. We eventually got into an elevator together and fought for the gun. It turns out that it was just a big prank, and I say "fcuk you!" very loudly a lot to the camera that I am somehow holding. I am outside now on a street that is sloping downwards with a large store to my left. I am wearing a top hat and some victorian era clothing like an old english gentleman. I start to skip along, and somebody behind me starts swearing at me and calls me some names. I'm afraid they'll jump me but I wake up.
---
I tried to MILD but only remember a fragment of a dream where I was watching a terrying movie in my room alone in the dark.

I am driving through some streets in what I think is montreal and it is raining heavily. There are lots of people walking across the road and I almost hit some of them, so I finally turn on my lights. I get to the party I was going to. Cops pull up and turn on their lights and I think they are pulling me over, but its someone else so I drive off a little. Its suddenly inside, and the cop has his gun pointed at someone. The guy disarms the cop and kills him and then turns the gun on other people. He shoots someone else in the head and puts the gun to someone elses chest and they start to cry in fear but he doesn't shoot. I run and I'm with the owner of the house in a kitchen and we are all very scared. It becomes like a video and I stopped and rewinded it to watch the disarm happen again.

Earlier I was in some place like a cafeteria and a cute girl comes up to my table and says she wants to see me naked. I go with her and follow her up some stairs. She is a guy now and he wants me to go into this secluded booth with another shorter guy but I dodge it. I ask whats going on and they were timing me to see how long it takes me to help a gay guy. Earlier I was outside of a formal party at my school, but I wasn't going. I was standing in a group and peter is there, and he makes an inside joke to me about some suit and rolling up the sleeves so I can breathe, because maybe I was drunk one time and tried to roll up my sleeves saying "I need to breathe" or something. It was funny. I start to think it may have been a mistake to leave my program.

Earlier I was at a bar sitting down with someone. A regular maybe. A waitor comes and makes a joke about why I'm not dancing.

---WBTB with MILD----

I'm back at keith's, and asked questions about people at the table. His dad told him that he's not his father, and he should just think of him as a good friend. Kristen sais she has her own plane noww and yesterday she flew a 747. Caroll looked 90 and crushed me as she leaned on me to get somethng. Kristen was paying me back for something and gave me 80$ extra and said she could afford it. Kyle came in the door and after a short while we shook hands in recognition.

Im at a different university, and was looking to book a hotel for the night. The president of the university ordered an execution of someone who had an affair, and the girl said that I'll probably want to leave to room for it. I say I'm surprised because not even police can order an execution. We get onto the topic of sex, and she says that I should do it and still have fun but have protected sex. My parents are on the other side of the room laughing at something and didn't hear her. The university is going over the execution with some kids, saying they'll give them a drug to put them into a coma before they put them into a box and release the gas. I am walking outside along the street now, and there is a closed gate with a wall behind it blocking the university entrance. Something about throwing rocks.

I went to this games store on a saturday night with nothing better to do. I brought some stuff to play table top games with and I was looking for somebody to play against but there was nobody there, just the employee. She was really cute and I asked her if she wanted to play. She said she didn't want to, so I decided to watch the tv that was in the room until someone else arrived. It was very dark. We talked about the feel of holding one of the metal models. I went out into the room near the entrance, and I think there were lots of windows and tables like a restaurant. There were two older men sitting down there now. I think she introduced them to me. I vaguely remember meeting a bunch of younger people and becoming friends with them after a while. Then the posessions started to happen, and the girl (cute employee) would get posessed by a demon. This was all happening at the shop. I remember one morning leaving the shop and walking down the street trying to get away from the whole situation, afraid. Vaguely remember being in a bed with someone, and my parents dropping me off at the shop. Vague feeling of nostalgia about the friends I met.