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This was a strange night, and strange morning..

Pre-sleep

-Meditated for a few minutes to relax and forget about some things that were on my mind
-Wrote mantra in DJ: "I will gently wake from a dream, motionless with eyes closed."
-Repeated this as I was falling asleep

The night was strange from the beginning because as I was repeating mantra while trying to let myself sleep, I really felt as if the intention became solidified, and actually felt my legs become much heavier. Then my arms and body in general became heavy, as if in response to my desire to remain motionless upon waking. Then my cognition became very odd, which was a little disturbing. It's hard to describe, but my thoughts were just strange, foreign and garbled. This isn't the first time this has happened after setting this intention, and previously I would disregard my intent and tell myself the contrary, that I would just sleep the night through and not concern myself with lucid dreaming. This time I decided to ride it out and see what happened, although it took me a while to fall asleep, and it was very uncomfortable to be in my head. In the background noise of all this, my thoughts would sometimes turn to the paranormal, further complicating my efforts. Eventually sleep overtook me.

I woke up in the night and definitely moved, but stayed awake briefly to see if anything happened, before falling asleep again. I was reading KingYoshi's WILD guide before bed, and he mention with DEILD that remaining motionless and eyes closed is great, but that you should still make an attempt with it even if you did move while waking up. Yoshi's emphasis on falling asleep and letting things happen with minimal input is also pretty interesting for a beginner like me.

Dream

I am flying a helicopter with J or someone else at night over a city, and there is a mountain range in the distance. There are lights between some of the peaks, coming from somewhere far off that I am interested in going to. It looks like lights from a city or a stadium or something. I decide that I want to fly between the peaks, and radio this to the air traffic controller in the city I am hovering over. The man on the other end tells me not to, because I don't have the training to be flying at night, and that this would be too dangerous. I tell him I will return to base, but hesitate about saying "base" and search for the correct non-military word.

I am in a building and it is either a match of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds (having a lot of dreams about this haha), or a non-video game military battle. There are some noises of someone's quiet footsteps, so I sneak around the door way into a different room. To my right are two doors, and another entrance to the room I am in, and to my left is a window (random details). I have my gun ready to open fire on whoever comes in through the entrance. I hear the breaking of some glass or the crumpling of some paper under someone's feet, and this lasts for a little while. This is a little strange, and I realize that I am dreaming! I look around the room, but my vision is becoming foggy, and I realize that my hold on the dream is weakening and I wake up.

Another fragment about some authority figure, and some task I had to do.

I think I was having an olfactory hallucination after waking up from the lucid dream, which has also happened before. It's just this strange smell that is sometimes there for a while after I become lucid and wake up. Feeling a bit strange today but that could be from lack of sleep from my weekend of waking up throughout the night to try and become lucid!


WILD Attempt (noon nap)
-Progressive muscle flexing/relaxing, and put a blanket over my eyes to keep the light out. I decided to put an emphasis on letting things happen, but still incorporated counting with exhale, as this seems to help with my mental chatter. Changed positions a couple of times after nothing was really happening, to get comfortable again like in Yoshi's guide. In the third position my body became very relaxed and I definitely got to the point where I was teetering on the edge of consciousness/unconsciousness, which was definitely a step in the right direction! But, excitement kicked in and the heart rate went up as I noticed some vague physical sensations, and things kind of fell flat. Was also a bit apprehensive. Oh well. It does help a little bit to not fight the excitement, and just let it happen and then return your attention to whatever else.

It's kind of funny that I seem to get more excited during the WILD process than I do when I actually become lucid through DILD.

I set a goal this week of waking up with my eyes closed and remaining still one time. I managed to do this twice. April 3rd I did this and waited for about 20 seconds without anything happening before deciding to go back to sleep (didn't want to lose much sleep that night). Last night, I did this and thought about my previous dream. There was maybe some slight hypnagogia, but nothing more happened for whatever reason..could be focusing too intently and watching the process happen as any slight changes occurred. I think the former attempt was too early in the morning, but the latter was probably at an appropriate time. I mentioned in a DEILD thread that I would experiment with multiple attempts per night, resetting the intention to wake up appropriately after any unsuccessful attempts. Eventually I should wake up in a more REM dominated phase of sleep in the morning (if this is even the issue). From what I've read the hardest part about DEILD is waking up without moving or opening your eyes, but even when I manage to do this, very little else happens. This is confusing but I will figure it out soon enough. In my first DEILD attempt, I woke up motionless and felt strong vibrations...where did these go!?

Dream

I am in a game of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds in first person, but am actually physically in the game. There are a lot of noobs as part of some event that's going on. I see armor on the ground and pick it up. I am with someone, I think J, along with R2D2 and C3PO from star wars. We are in the woods at night, and are a little bit lost. There is a raised rubble pathway to my right. I am surprised that the droids are able to manage through this terrain. We get to a small grass gap between the edge of the forest and a farmers field with tall corn. Suddenly the clouds part and the moon shines down on us, leaving us exposed. I lead us to the crops to take cover so nobody sees us, especially a werewolf because its a full moon after all. We lay prone in the cornfield, but oh shit! We're lying next to a werewolf!! It starts snarling at me and moves toward me barking..or whatever is it that werewolves do.

WILD attempt at noon:
-focused on my breath to relax, and then started counting down with each exhale..There were some thoughts about whether my eyes would flutter open like they sometimes do when attempting a WILD, but I mindfully let them pass and returned to counting. I noticed some very active swirls and blobs moving for some period of time while counting down, but then I got excited and it stopped. Will try to be more mindful about this, and just return attention to anchor as anything is happening. Paying too much attention to the process of falling asleep is probably keeping me awake. Will just let things happen on their own. WILD is basically still just falling asleep, and I know how to do that already

Woke up in the middle of the night, and set my intention to wake up with my eyes closed, motionless after my next dream. It worked! Hearing seemed to become my "primary" sense, if that makes sense. I could hear some gentle noises in the room, then noticed the back of my eyelids, and realized I had not moved. It was a gentle awakening. I tried to imagine the previous dream, but nothing was really happening. I think I decided to focus on breathing next, there was some mild hypnagogia but nothing more happened, and I decided to give up and sleep.

Edit: I wonder if my autosuggestion is not specific enough. Perhaps I am waking myself up too early and am awakening from NREM-dominated sleep. This would presumably make it harder to DEILD. I may check the time after unsuccessful DEILDs, or alternatively I could set additional intentions to wake from dream after each attempt, and eventually I will wake during a REM-dominated period of the night.

Dream

I am on a street at night, trying to get across a section of it without someone seeing me. I think this is like the video game Player Unknown's Battlegrounds. I am walking down the sidewalk now then begin running past someone.

Was planning on just sleeping last night without attempting to DEILD, but I woke up naturally, although without having my eyes closed etc, and decided to try WILD. I was not able to fall asleep. I was trying too hard, I think, and was still a little excited. Eventually I started losing track of my counting which was positive I suppose, in that I was starting to doze off, but nothing happened for too long and I decided to give up. While I was trying to sleep for real, I finally started to notice hypnagogic imagery, the blobs and swirls, and was able to watch it without it disappearing. I think I was passively paying attention, rather than my usual 'trying to be passive'. Trying to be a passive observer is not really being a passive observer, I suppose. I think it is important to experience the hypnagogic imagery through your senses, in this case sight, but not really through the lens of thought. You can tell while awake if you are experiencing the world through your mind or through your senses primarily, the latter just being in the moment, so the same will probably be true of falling asleep. I will experiment again tonight and record what happens.

Dream

I am in my girlfriend's room with a group of others whom I do not really know. They are huddled on the far end of the room by the window. The door opens slightly, so I go over and gently close it. It opens again. I close it again..I think it is the wind, although deep down I know this doesn't make sense, because there is no draft through the apartment and no windows open. The door bursts open, there is a strong gust, and I am thrown into the air towards the others by the window.

I am biking somewhere through an open field, filled with people, near some building. This is a park, perhaps. I leave the bike and start walking. I notice some gangsters walking into the area and they look very sketchy, so I decide to get out of there, but I forget about my bike lying there on the grass. The gangsters are shouting at each other, but I do not remember what they said. I am now in a movie theater/lecture hall, and Tom Hanks is the speaker. He finishes one segment of his lecture and tells us all to get into these reclining chairs equipped with some audio or visual technology to allow us to better experience what he is trying to impart to us. I do so, but others don't seem to use the chairs. Some people in front of my are sitting in their normal chairs and continue talking.

Non-Dream

Repeated the mantra: "I will wake up with my eyes closed, remaining still," and imagined doing so.

I woke up, but unfortunately did not keep my eyes closed, and did not remain still. Nonetheless, I decided to count myself to sleep, using the phrase "1..I am dreaming...2...I am dreaming..." etc. I was far too excited, and could not relax enough to fall asleep. To relax, I tried a breathing technique that involved inhaling for 4 seconds and exhaling for 6, for a 10 second inhale/exhale cycle, resulting in 6 breaths per minute to slow the heart rate down. I learned about this technique in a sport psychology class, and decided to try it given that apparently there is some empirical data to support its use. My heart rate gradually slowed, and I am pretty sure that I felt my body enter sleep paralysis but am not certain. After the counting approach wasn't working I tried to passively watch the hypnagogic imagery but nothing was happening.

I was fighting with my mind too much, fluctuating between trying to do these exercises, trying not to try too hard, and the like. I decided to give up and go to sleep, which did result in my first lucid in a long time, but through a DILD rather than DEILD.

Dream

I am standing at the end of my driveway, and the entire street is completely flooded. I look to my left and there is a group of golden retrievers jumping onto kayaks for fun from the side of the road. They are accompanied by two other non-golden retrievers, and they are forming a pyramid on the kayaks, like human gymnasts do. I try and take some pictures with my phone for my girlfriend, but realize I have her phone and not mine. I take some pictures and try to record a video, and wonder whether I should drive the phone to her.

With the girlfriend, there are some gangsters that are mad at us in their car while we are walking. They yell at us and I yell back. Then we start threatening each other with tiny guns. Then we start taking shots at eachother, but they are little bb's that just sting a little, and we are not aiming for lethal parts of the body. We don't actually want to kill eachother. Later I am with girlfriend in huge mall, where there is a party, and we notice people are running, and we assume that there is a shooter. A guard informs us that there is no danger, and cites our earlier bb incident as evidence that everything is fine. We go outside onto the road, it is winter, and there is a crowd of people, and a trough of ice along one side of the road. There is a girl from the show WestWorld there, I realize I am dreaming, and rub my hands together to stabilize the dream. I try not to think about waking up, and try to focus only on the world around me instead. I run my hands over the ice, and spin around to try and further stabilize, but I wake up instead.

I go into the basketball court and am the worst player there, and people groan as I attempt to make a shot and miss wildly. They don't want me on the team. I run to the locker room in shame, and another younger player tells me I should quit. I defiantly refuse, but he threatens to accuse me of sexual misconduct if I do not, so I end up quitting.

I have returned to lucid dreaming after a long hiatus, and will be documenting my progress with DEILD. Hopefully this will keep me motivated and will help me to troubleshoot any issues I am experiencing. Although my past five or six attempts have not resulted in a lucid dream, they have been very promising, as I have been able to wake up while remaining still with my eyes closed. The first attempt I felt vibrations but then got excited and the vibrations subsided shortly after they started. In subsequent attempts I have woken up, but have been too alert to fall asleep. In part this has been related to excitement, but also it has been difficult navigating the paradox of trying without trying, and of looking without truly seeing. In other words, my trying too hard after waking up is probably counterproductive, and it is challenging to let images form before your eyes without focusing too intently and causing them to vanish. I am beginning to practice mindfulness during the attempts, which I think will help a great deal.

I am still a little bit confused regarding how to facilitate the transition to a dream. If I hold onto a tiny slice of awareness, will this happen automatically? Or alternatively, do I need to reach some requisite level of relaxation and sleepiness, and then imagine the dream scene, and become enveloped by it? As I understand it, the latter is the recommended approach to DEILD, and this is how I will focus my efforts. I am a little confused by the use of mantras to anchor my thoughts during an attempt, but I could perhaps mindfully use an anchor until I start seeing hypnagogic imagery, and then start to imagine the sights, sounds, and tactile sensations of my previous dream.

I think if I were less alert upon waking, the transition would be quicker to the dream, and there would be less room for error. Not my attempt last night but the one prior, I woke up tired and groggy, and felt like this was a good level of alertness. The mantra I used to set my intention that night was this: "I will wake up with my eyes closed, tired and groggy." Coincidence? I think not. I will try to incorporate this again into my bedtime mantra, but may also include something about remembering the previous dream and re-entering it. Experimentation time!

Last night I was very stressed out before bed and was unable to wake up from a dream with my eyes shut or remaining still. My mantra was "I will wake up with my eyes closed," and I repeated it fewer times than normal, but the attempt was probably doomed to begin with because of how I was feeling. Here was one of my short dreams anyways:

Dream

"I am at a banquet with people from work and my girlfriend is there too. There is music playing, and she wants me to sing but I don't want to. We are sitting at circular tables with white table cloths. Someone at my table is singing a song about a relationship, and tells someone else to pretend that they are a mountain. I think he also had a newspaper cartoon section in front of him. I get up from the table and walk past some tables, and past one of my co-workers, and out the door where there is a piano with microphone outside. To the right of this there is a giant box of chocolates that look very delicious. One of them is spherical like a truffle, and has a long chocolate tail roughly 8 cm long, and has some sort of sparkle or sprinkle to it. That's the one I want."

Dreams
I dreamt I was in my room getting ready for bed. I lay down on my bed with the light still on and was thinking about if something scary is going to happen to me. "Its up to God" I said. Then I felt something touching or grabbing my shoulder/chest area which scared me and I woke up. It was like I was being poked too.

Had a better dream where I'm on an island town which reminded me of the maritimes. I'm standing in between some buildings with some grass and gardens in between them. I'm looking over a fence and watching everything fly towards me like Im in a car moving forward, but the land is moving instead. I turn around to see a beautiful brunette who is with me, and I ask her if she wants to climb to the top of the island or just let the "drive" take us to the top. We stand there and let it take us to the top. I put my arm around her and get some chocolate on her white casmere sweater. There are lots of pools of water close together that we can see. We can see for quite a distance and it is beautiful. On top of the island it is kindof flat with some soft hills, and a road that we start to follow. There is a chocolate factory to the left, and there are huge cylindrical drums in front of it. Probably chocolate inside.

Its my birthday, and Ryan and Robbie come to the door in costumes to do something. I go downstairs and completely forget about them. I am distracted by doing something else and then they leave. I feel pretty bad.

Chantal is at my house during a small party. She seems really into me and wants to be alone. I say that theres a phone downstairs she can use, and I'll show her where it is. We go downstairs, and we sit on the couch. The ceiling is very low, about a foot or two above our heads while sitting. We get to the floor, and lots of her clothes have come off. We start to make out, and I fall asleep. I wake up having sex with somebody in someones backyard during a large outdoor dinner party kindof thing. We still have most of our clothes on, so I quickly pull my pants up and it seems that nobody noticed anything. I am driving through this cul de sac/roundabout with houses in a circle, and I see chantal opening up a garage door and going into the house with another guy. We turn around and in front of another house is chantal again?? She is wearing a sign that says "I lost my cell phone, can you call me a cab?" or something along those lines.

I am in a car driving along a main road near my house that has trees on each side. I hit another car from behind and we both stop and get out of the cars. We are on the side of the road, and he looks like he is about 60 years old. As I walk over I grab a beer out of a six pack and drink it, because that was stressful and I wanted to relax. He mentions that I'm going to get in trouble now with the cops because of the beer. Oh shit. I say that we should ditch the beer and I run with it into the woods and throw it away. Next thing I know I'm at a bar or something. I buy a drink and have tons of coins to pay with, and I think that I accidently tipped way too much because they were really happy about it and told me to come back anytime. I'm leaving and I see shane in the parking lot and I walk with him. I am talking about how I should probably just confess to the police, because technically I didn't drink and drive, I was driving and then I drank after I hit the other guy.

I am in Cape cod and walking down the street in Provincetown. There is so much money on the street, I pick it up and keep seeing more. A guy picks up some money too and offers me some, but I already have a lot so I say that he should just give it to this other guy. I am in a hospital lobby, and my mom receives a phonecall from my grandfather in SouthAfrica. Something about my grandmother's surgery. Now it is Jesse in the lobby talking on the phone. It is a long distance call he is trying to make, so he argues with the staff and eventually gives them his debit card to charge while the staff person prints off a sheet of paper as the bill gets bigger.

I did a bit of meditation before bed to help me fall asleep, and did my mantra of "The next time I am dreaming, I will remember that I am dreaming". Plus visualization. Reminder to self - try meditation every night before bed.

Dreams
I am sleeping outside on a driveway with an ipod. There is a woman that walks by. I go to the porch on the side of the house and someone tells me to come inside. I remember going into my sister's room at some point and she is on the floor sitting down and crying. I ask her why she is crying, and she says that she just needed a good cry.

There are a lot of people in this building complex. There seems to be some division between the people. I was told to go into this room, and plant some nuclear material into some pots. It was liquid nuclear material, so I ended up pouring it. There was some kindof tray as well, and it was overflowing with it, and it was like someone left the faucet running but with nuclear stuff. I get some on my hands. I leave and shut the door and am extremely stressed out beyond belief. There could be a nuclear explosion here any second! We're trying to trap the other people in here apparently, while we get out. Our door appears out of thin air, and their hatch to get out dissapears at the same time. Apparently Connor went through by himself already and is completely screwing everybody over. The door is invisible, but as it opens we can see to the other side of the door. There are people trying to stop us from getting through, but as we inch the door open by force we grab the crayons from their hands and get inside for a fight. We are fake fighting with a touch of anger to it. I do the motions of stabbing this guy in the face, but without a knife in it. He ends up using his legs to somehow lock me in a hold.

I start to feel myself breathing, and notice the air touching my lips as it goes out. I wake up and realize that I was feeling my actual breathing, and the air touching my lips.

--WBTB--
I am up for about 25 mins, going to the washroom and am writing out the dream and doing my mantra and visualization. I meditate for a little as well. I am sure that I will have a lucid, but I just can't get back to sleep for about another hour after this, even though I feel so tired. I gave up on trying to fall asleep so I stopped thinking about lucid dreaming and eventually fell asleep. Whenever I think of lucid dreaming, it keeps me awake for some reason.

Dreams
I am in an old fashioned train caboose and there are lots of women. There is a higher up part, and a lower part that you can get to by going down some short stairs. I am on the upper part. A girl asks me if I am going to take this side by myself, and she comes with me. We sit down at this table with some other people, and she is to my right. She gets completely naked and I check her out. I talk with this other cute girl right across from me.

I am waiting at the bus stop and I am supposed to meed someone or two people near here. Tuong tells me the bus will drop me off at Tim Hortons, and the bus has pulled up so I just get on. Most of the seats are taken, they are all side seats. Nothing facing the front, but all facing the middle. There is a girl next to the bus driver who is complaining about it for some reason. Something about this attractive girl who is sitting down.

I remember being in my house but there is no ceiling to the lower floors or something, and there are lots more stairs than usual going higher and higher. I am at the top where my room usually is.

Before bed, and during two WBTB's I focused my intention to remember that I was dreaming the next time I was, and visualized myself becoming lucid and preforming a task. No lucids from MILD yet, but still hitting only about 50% on average of my prospective memory excercises.

DREAMS
One of my friends climbed into bed with me and start to have sex with me. I asked her why she was doing this, and she said it was good for her infection. I was very angry and gave her the middle finger when I saw her lying on my living room floor. There are 2 people in my house that want to go to starbucks. Its completely dark with my parents sleeping in their room, and there is party music blaring loudly from speakers in the hall. I try to turn it down abit but can't. I am in this other building that looks like a bar, and there is this massive guy who must be 6'8 and a wrestler. We get into a fight, and I try to avoid his punches. He turns around and I kick him in the balls from behind, but he doesn't go down like a normal person, he just gets more angry. Now there are 3 of us fighting eachother in a free for all with no teams.

--WBTB--
More Dreams
I am in a hallway somewhere with a group of people, and something somewhat startling but not serious just happened. We are gathered nea the middle of the hall. Emma Watson from Harry Potter is here as a guest on a visit, and she touches my hand. I really want to see her again and my friends know this. We are outside the castle (dream becomes medieval) in a large courtyard like a parking lot. My friends say "Roll Camera" and start filming me as they tell me to speak to her. They want me to do it, because Emma seemed to take a liking to me, and we are trying to ask her something? There is a crowd of people under the balcony that Emma is on, and we start to walk over. I go upstairs and am in a hallway that turns left like an 'L'. At the end of the long part is Emma's room, and she is there with a few other people having oral sex. I'll leave out some of the more graphic details lol. Now she is ontop of Ron Weasley. I turn down the hall into another room with a bunch of girls that are going to be havin sex. I try to come in, but they tell me to leave. So I lock them in! I push against the door so they can't get out, and then give up. But now the door is damaged, with many holes in it. Somebody tells me that it was somebody else that broke it, and I should run.

I am at my friend Jesse's house although its still kindof the same scene. There is a ditch along the side of their property and one of his older relatives is telling us about the creation of that ditch. Some kind of life lesson hes trying to give to us. We are singing our (canadian) National Anthem, and Emma Watson is on the balcony. We stop to look at her, and she gestures us to finish singing our anthem. Its my last chance to see her again. There was something like a gym with stairs that lead to where she was previously, but now its more medieval. There is a passageway for Squires, for Stage Costumes and for Knights. They all lead to preparation rooms. I am no squire, but am not a knight so I go through the stage costume? one. There is a wooden room with a passageway leading off into the ground that the knights are supposed to take. I start going down, but there is a fully armoured knight coming, and I decide that I should just go through the costume passage. The knight was wearing lightly colored armor, but looked fake like he was a large toy or something. I'm stilling wearing a nice outfit anyway so decide to just go through the passage I'm supposed to.

Some guy I recently met comes and tells us that the contract we signed was really bad, and we basically signed our lives away. He reads blue prints and tells us to jump down into a seating area, so we do. I remember at times throughout the dream that there were guys much smoother than I am who could just start up a conversation with Emma Watson, and I was jealous. I just couldn't think of anything to say.

--WBTB--
Dream Fragments
I'm with Robbie and the dream has something to do with hunting. I am in a debate with simon on my team, and I am supposed to speak second. I have nothing to say, but simon managed to fill his time without actually saying anything important. There is a girl behind me wearing a dress that wants to dance.

Attention-In car with tuong and he's telling me about a story with a bus that flipped into other lane and I'm not paying attention. Asking questions to a class and improvizing. I remember watching a video of students having fun by going into face painting tents with their friends. He went inside and now they were all in barbarian-sport hooligan outfits.

Mr Mac comes and picks us up from timmies and other teacher comes too. We're in trouble for being here, but mr.Mac is cool and we get in his car. The other teacher is uncool and very strict tryign to get us into trouble I think.

Walking home and run into Rodney. He warns me of his sprinkler. I help him with construction on his lawn. Digging dirt up. Its not even but they dump the rest of the dirt anyway. All of my martial arts instructors are there, but here there aren't any ranks and we're all equal, even though they are safer because they are better at defending themselves. Shane there. He's insane and he's outside pretending to play an invisible banjo. Somebody (I think shane) comes into the kitchen and tells me I'm supposed to give 20 to appease him. I say thats rediculous, but I kinda wanna go outside tho.

At school outside, I don't have any shoes. I go up a wet hill surrounded by woods and a small stream to the entrance of a building. Some ppl are playing paintball or airsoft in the area and I want to get a pellet or paintball gun. I try and squeeze in door but some boxes in way. I look for scope to buy and get help. I knock over a bunch of them and the sales woman asks me if I'm going to pick those up. I ask her if this is a good brand and she gives me a shady answer. I Look at pellet guns. Seneca is here, and she points her gun towards me. I duck behind some boxes and she and her friends laugh a bit on their way out. Helper tells me of spider man gun, batman gun, dr evil, and some others. Theres story of the lighthouse and a picture of one. There's the story of the religious quote from bible. They are too scary she says, and won't tell me about them. I am swimming under water past the picture of the lighthouse and then come up for air. I feel this deep fear when she tells me about the religious quote on the wall, and the lighthouse. Where did water come from?

I am at a restaurant with a girl I used to have a crush on and her little sister. We are talking about things that I don't remember, but I deliberately try to include her little sister in the conversation. It is getting late and Ayesha has to get to some ball or dance or something. I get up to go to the washroom and there is a plate of food that is going to be wrapped. Sandwhiches and some cheese. I remember Ayesha was asking me if I wanted to share her limo, and her face was turning red. She looked like she wanted to spend some more time with me. I was so happy at this and thought that I had gotten another shot at this girl that I was too nervous to ask out before. On the way to the washroom I accidently pee in my pants a bit. I get to the washroom and there are stalls for the urinals. They are about 2 feet wide, so I had to really squeeze inside without much room to move. The urinal now looked more like a toilet and it itself extended back a good 2.5 feet. Very wide too and reminded me of a large bird bath. I started to go, but my hands were shaking quite a bit and I tried very hard not to get any on myself. I did it! I am leaving, but now there is a table next to the left of the stall and a wall on the right, creating a bit of an alley. There is a big muscular blond dude who looked like he was on some serious roids on the other side of the table. They were beating people up. I grabbed a knife from the table, there were lots of them and other weapons underneath newspapers or something. Mine is bigger than his so he backs off for a second and tries to go around the table to get me. I pick up another smaller knife, and hold it above my head threatening to throw it at him. He says something about the weight of the knife and is not afraid. The next thing I remember I am at my house with a few other friends and one of them is talking about his strategy for dealing with those guys in the washroom. He says he would have called them Nazis or something which would get them to stop because they aren't Nazis and would let him go just to prove that point.

I have fragment of driving in some remote area and pulling onto some road where a limosine I think was parked. I get into some kindof argument with somebody. SOme of my other friends and I are booking a hotel room, and talking about all the things we are going to do.

I am playing a board game with someone that I train in Krav Maga with. We are at my dining room table but the table is much wider than normal, and there large sections of it are a vevlet kindof green.

05/10-11/11
Pre Sleep
-Chest technique (imagine all thoughts/worries etc go into a chest which locks and dissapears)
-Mantra: "I will lucid dream tonight, or very soon" for about 5 minutes
-Visualization: I visualized myself on a nude beach and becoming lucid
-Had music playing while sleeping and doing this, will try not for greater concentration
-During day started to practice some regular awareness, but was not all that successful

Sleep
There is a horrible firefight on the border of 2 berryfarms. Everyone is in military uniforms. I am with another guy who is leading me to the battle, and I have a pistol. I immediately see people being killed, so I dive behind this concrete little wall for cover. I start to fire, and everything is going fairly well. There are a few of them that suddenly run over to our side past us, but I point my gun at them and quickly start making gun firing noises "pew pew" and their run comes to a stop and they turn around to walk back. One man is near me and I mention I am a tourist, then he shakes my hand and goes to his side.

At one point I am being fired upon, and am hiddin behind my bunker. But it is only about a meter or so in length so I can't really move. Then someone comes into view behind the dividing metal chain fence and starts shooting at me. Theres nothing I can do because I have no ammo, and I think Im going to die.

Inside the Barn of the berryfarm there is a Walmart and I am in one of the isles. There is a bunch of gangsters wearing bandanas that knock me down and say theyre gonna kill me. They are the enemy that has infiltrated the barn. I can't just get up and try to fight or run because they'll shoot me. A woman in a walmart vest comes up and asks if I'm okay and relays messages between me and the gangster, like an interpeter. "He says he's going to kill you," she informs me. I think I got up and begged him not to kill me and said I respect him, and then we hugged and he let me go.

I'm walking through the isles and see a group of people from my highschool who are saying they are going to get them back for what they just did. About 4 redheads walk by me, and I wonder if this is a Redhead vs Black gangster battle. I go up some stairs and try to look for a weapon, but mostly I just am too afraid to go back to fighting. I see a desk and look through it and fight knives and short swords. I unsheath them and think they'll be good for close combat but I really need a gun instead. I go back to the stairs and see a yellow lab like my old dog, and my father who asks me why I am not outside fighting. I am way too afraid is what I'm thinking but don't say.

Postsleep thoughts
Reality Check confirms I'm awake. I was surprised how real the emotions were in the dream. The fear was very real. Too bad I didn't realize that it was odd that berryfarms would fight, or that a walmart would be inside a barn. I'll look over MILD class notes and see what else there is to try.

First Dream journal post. Not sure how often Im going to post here, but I think it might motivate me to record more dreams. Just finished the MILD class which was great btw, and highly recommended. Hopefully ill be posting some lucids soon!

16-17/02/11
Dreams/Lucids

Round #1
I decide I want to go downstairs from my room and sleep on the couch because my watch that I use for reality checks just burnt through and I saw pictures from a commercial on my bed and it all creeped me out. I go downstairs and my mom and dad are sitting on some school like chairs on the hardwood floor. My dad asks if I mind it if he sleeps on the couch instead, because he just had a really scary dream. He dreamt that in his closet, he found the easter bunny's ears, and he was talking about the voice that followed him. "Don't tell me about the voice!" I say. Whoever I'm talking to is walking backwards away from me into the hall as I am speaking to them. My mom sais that dad had a dream that my grandmother tried to kill everybody. My eyes are watering as they say this, because I had a dream where I saw easter bunny's ears in the closet (although didnt actually). Its odd that they are up I think, and my grandparents are both there now too.

I'm talking with my uncle Jerry on the phone in my computer room. Its very dark and scary and Id like to get out of the room, but I stay on the phone to be polite. He's asking me about thanksgiving and if my dad would be interested in going to someone elses house, because of the tough times and because the rich should help the poor. I try and get off the phone, and see Ryan outside trying to ring my doorbell, but my dogs run up from somewhere and chase him off. Now im in the car with my parents, my dog is squished between some glass and her eyeballs are bulging. "Yep, she definetely has the muscle." I remember being in my room and looking at some books with the covers strange. Wake up.

Round #2
--I'm with this other man and we are either driving something to a driveway or watching a trailor pull in. We talk to the owner who is old man, and give him his metal garbage wastebucket which he just throws into a huge pile of garbage. Were trying to get an interview with him, but oh shit he's in the mafia. Cars drive by and give us a warning, then come around and start shooting. Im on a driveway behiind a snowbank a ways down the road and crawl very fast up the driveway. Look for a place to hide, decide to hide in the snow. Get into a hole and its wayyyy to deep. Im verticle in the snow, but I dont think Ill ever get out, im way too far down. I climb up abit and realize that I can get out. I put my hood down so I can put some snow on my head incase they look down the hole. Jimmy looks down and I get out cuz he's a narc/rat. He physically looks like a rat, and i try to convince him not to rat on me.

I jump some fences into some backyards, then get to one I can't get over so I go back. There is razor wire tho and I get all cut up. There is a prescription bottle I pick up, and go into a house where there is kids and other people in the living room. I throw the bottle at this one man, because he is part of a group of people that is against prescriptions. Im happy that progress is being made tho.

--I'm at a party with people from my program at uni. Walking down the street talking to someone, but I fall back so a girl that likes him can be alone with him. Theres a train or long bus that is a transformer? It screws up and backs into a small plaza and looks realy small suddenly like a toy. Im at another house with old friends. I go into the attic following this girl from my program who is wearing really tight pants, and is really hot. Im in the attic with 2 girls, its cramped and lots of flirting. I look to the window, its way too small to crawl out of incase of an attack and need to escape. Theres another door that opens up and another cute girl is there. The room she stays in is huge with a huge window u could jump out of.

Im in a room at the party with a pool table and not alot of people. A professor comes in and jokes that he should lock us in the room. Says we need to be quiet, someone is sleeping at the party. There's all kinds of girls around me now, and connor is in the next room talking to some of them, saying "If you get him drunk now, you can do whatever u want with him." I see them using hand signals to eachother, and they sit around me and on me. Its strategic. My elbow was accidently blocking this other girls view to my right that I didn't see. I apologize and introduce myself. Shes cute, wearing some black sunglasses and looks kindof like Tina Fey? She's in her 2nd year in my program. She says "Its a good thing you and ur friends did well academically this year, if not you would have a punishment/rough initiation with water and sharks." I kindof attack another 2nd year for even thinking of doing that. My hood is up during all of this which is unlike me, and the prof came over behind us to listen in on the conversation. I grab a bagel bit, and try and put some peanut butter on it but its too runny and wet. Wake up.