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    If only part. 2

    by , 11-21-2014 at 02:09 PM (439 Views)
    I'm driving away from a mall-like school. There's a feeling of emptiness surging through my veins and my head starts to feel heavy with thought. I can't understand why He would do such a beautiful and unbelievable thing then just walk away expecting me to function without him. It's as though he's insensitive to the sensitive.
    My mom sees me internally freaking out and coos,
    "Are you okay, Honey?
    In an instant I'm knocked off my pedestal by her voice. It's as though an angel swooped down from the heavens and slid into my mother's mouth and is seeping out in fragments of words.
    She looks at me blankly and I blurt out, "Oh. No. Nothings going on, what must you think such a think?" And I force a wide smile across my face.
    "No reason, Honey. How was the mall?"
    If only she knew what just happened. If only anyone know, especially him, I could come clean of all the mess I've made inside of myself. Days like this I miss being a child; a life without worry or possession, where my mind was as clear and vast as the summer sky and my heart was as fertile as sweet violets in spring.
    "It was all right."

    I'm sort of glad she's lost interest in my mall venture. I can't stand talking about it anymore.
    I look out the window as our car comes to a red light, and next to me is a group of guys in a Range Rover hollering out like wild animals. I can't quite distinguish what they're hollering about but something tells me I don't want to know.
    I make out one of the guys for being the best friend of my crush. I instantly shutter in my seat at the thought of him knowing and look away as fast I can. I know he doesn't know but something tells me he may. I mean, guys don't gossip as much as females; do they even talk about anything other than sports and hot chicks they'd like to bone and video games? Over my thoughts I hear the word crush and look over to my right and see all the guys in the car next to us staring directly at me. I now understand why deer don't move when in the focus of two daunting headlights. Why they'd rather sit and watch them pull closer. They can't move even if they'd tried. It's an act of utter shock and fear.
    My mom pushes forward and they turn the corner away from us.
    I'm flooded with relief when I look over to my mom. It's as though she knows everything. That this entire time she's been my guardian angel watching over every little thing I do. I turn away in relief and stare at the trees and rows of tiny houses. I hear a sound of music; like a flute or a clarinet in the distance. It pulls closer and takes me along with it. I try to figure out where the beautiful music is coming from when I turn to mother and notice that she's turn on the radio (DUH).

    I relax in my seat. I turn to my mom and as I'm about to speak she stares at me and her face stretches into a forced smile and her skin begins to sag then pull apart from her bone. She starts to turn inside out and her flesh becomes prominent and her eyes buck out of her head like she's accusing me of treason. She looks like she can see right through me, that she's reliving the memories of me walking around school trying to figure out which class He has and where and when to be just so I can see him for only a few seconds. Me in the bathroom crying because I'm too afraid to say a single word to him. The times in my room consumed with restlessness because the thoughts just won't stop pressing in. I plunge out of the car in embarrassment and watch as she turns to a tiny speck of dust.

    As I sit I try to calm myself of all the trouble that has befallen me. The process runs clean until I turn behind me and see the car with the piles of boys in it charging towards me, and again, I'm trapped in its light, unable to move. Before the car completely tramples me it stops and one of the boys emerges from it. He steps in reluctance and my heart begins to beat faster and faster with each step he takes. In any moment I could suffer from a massive heart attack, until he looks at me and reaches out his hand.
    His face is like a magnifying glass placed in front of a sunset. He looks so warm and reassuring, as though his face promises I long night of rest. I can finally breathe now. Time just seems to cease in these few moments and forever seems like an understatement.
    I begin to take his hand and start to feel myself coming back together, when all time seems to fall back into its place, in tenfold. Before our skin can touch, I'm drifted into another dream-like state in the middle a desolate field in the fruits of winter.
    It's freezing cold and my skin starts to fold like leather. I look down and the ground is a great sheet of ice and before I can't blink the floor shatters into tiny shards and I fall along with them, encased in their wrath and forced into a continuum of pain. I look below me and see nothing but what's above me and so on. Then I notice a flickering light. It starts as a tiny speck then builds into a gaping hole, the size of a world, and pulls me towards it. Within it is a picture of the guy I saw at the mall. The one who has my desires and fears in the palms of his hands. He's sleeping like a child whose fallen asleep during a bedtime story. I somehow find the will to swim towards him before he fades. But as I stroke he ebbs away, like sand in the wind. And before time and space can catch up to me, I'm thrown out of the existence of dream and shredded into reality.

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    Updated 11-25-2014 at 08:13 PM by 71606

    Categories
    nightmare , false awakening , memorable , dream fragment

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