Day 3: Hawaiian Sandalwood
Bad recall. Really unfocused dreaming (blurry). Shit plotlines of what I'm able to remember. I'm also feeling not so wonderful too; like I'm really agitated, moody, pissy, and mad. No, this has nothing to do with PMS. I don't feel like 'me'. While this may not be related to the oil use at all (just reconnected with someone who annoys me), it's not really adding any sort of enhancement that I can tell (and I might be dense enough not to notice, but I can only report on what I notice and am aware of).
I rebalance and ground myself, meditate, so I manage just fine feeling these things. It's just a lot of work to maintain that balance, right now. I feel it's unnecessary to wake up to a metaphorically messy bedroom that I have to continuously monitor and clean throughout the day so that it doesn't become an issue. I liked having my metaphorical iRobot Roomba (automatic vacuum) where there's much less effort involved in keeping things as they should be; neat, organized, manageable.
Heh, yeah, I can be anal retentive about how I prefer my 'space'. Basic things should be efficient so that more complex projects can be tended to. If shit is all chaotic, if I'm unable to function in waking life, there's little room left for other pursuits. I love those other pursuits so waking life is generally kept a specific standard. I don't know why I'm having issues either; why my little automatic vacuum failed.
Easy solution may be to go back on the rosemary, heh, but that's stimulating and sort of the opposite of what I need right now. In general, I am typically very stimulated, so having more of that brings me up to neurotic. I can do short bursts of neurosis, but pacing myself is ideal. I could jump to a different oil, but I'd really like to finish out this week to get a better glimpse into how I respond, at an individual level, to this specific brand and type of oil.
Updated Yesterday at 06:15 PM by 70517
Done with rosemary. I've written up a more explanatory report of the one-week trial elsewhere and just can't bring that sort of honesty here. I don't always follow-up on a lot the more concerning dreams I've posted because of the consequences of doing so. Labels, judgments, and most importantly are the expectations formed from making bold statements; I'd rather keep things less rigid. What I can say is it made a large difference in the skills I've already had and it helped strengthen telepathic bridges with people I'm already connected with. The clarity factor was incredible. However, I did become overstressed and intimidated by the new experiences.
The next oil has been sandalwood (Hawaiian) for the past two nights. There are no effects from it--I'm thinking the oil is either bad (which it shouldn't be, the expiration date for it is 2018) or the quality of the initial oil is poor (either adulterated or the distillation process was flawed). I bought the rosemary and sandalwood from two different companies. The intensity of the oils I've bought the rosemary from is high--good shit. So, I'm considering tossing out the other manufacturer's oils due to the low quality. That just seems so wasteful though. Also, perhaps I have no response to sandalwood oil itself; or I haven't given it enough time; or I'm burned out; or a combination thereof.
Dreams from the last two days of sandalwood use have been very low quality in terms of recall, intensity, and meaning.
2/8/2016 I am starting to notice that possibly a dream sign that it is always midday or bright out in my dreams. Again, I really did not try to LD tonight so it is what it is.
I was sitting in a house that I do not really know in WL but in the dream I did. I think I also did understand that my Dad and brother were there as well but I did not see them. I was in a bedroom, sort of sitting on a bed and it was midday. I could see the sunlight seeping through the curtains. I remember being insanely bored, not knowing what to do and just sitting there upright in bed not having an awesome time. Then it transitions to a school room where it’s a computer lab. I was not sitting at a computer and contemplating taking a standardised test (ACT I think). I sign in and take the Maths portion and that is all. (I think that this is telling me that I should start studying for the ACT/SAT) Then I transition back to the house walking into the kitchen and still not knowing what to do. Maybe I saw my dad or brother but it gets fuzzy after that. It ends.
There was this bit that I was on a school bus alone with this weird dude and it was midday and we were driving down this semi-hill and there is a Lamborghini that is a cop car that is passing by. (Probably from GTA V) We go under an overpass. It ends.
No LD’s tonight. (Didn’t really try either)
I've tried the SSILD again the past night. I had a LD but what happened it was a very strange and new experience to me: during an usual dream I found myself in a bathroom of an old building, like a school or a hospital.
At some point while looking at the mirror (that was steamy) I became lucid (I don't remember if something in particular triggered it or if it just happened) but then I became aware of my body in the real world.
I'm not sure if I was aware of it for the whole time and the dream itself was some prolonged HH like the night before, or if I became aware of it just after gaining lucidity (it's hard to explain or even realise it), but at that point I was in my bed, with my eyelids still closed and the dream I was having it was similar to a projection on my closed eyelids. It also became an old black and white movie, similar the ones of the world wars.
This is something new to me, I was living only the visual experience of the dream in a very clear and detailed way, like watching a movie (but not with my mind's eye as when day dreaming), while becoming aware of my physical body. Also, the black and white thing is new, I've always dreamt in colours, I don't know if it was some way with which my mind tried to make sense of the fact that I was "watching a dream" with closed eyes.
Furthermore when I woke up in the middle of the night, after one of the dreams, I also had auditory hallucinations, like if someone was speaking to me (I've done a RC just to make sure that it wasn't just a FA), sadly I don't remember what the voices were saying.
During the rest of the night I had some other of dreams (not lucid), but in one in particular there was something new that I think I've never done in the past: I shape-shifted myself into a bird as a disguise and to fly away from someone that was following me with the intention to hurt me.
After 2012 I began to lose interest, because I had no questions I wanted answered. I hit a wall so to speak. I am back. I have questions.
Yesterday night I've tried the SSILD technique, it was totally new for me (even if sometimes when I have problems to falling to sleep I use a similar technique, but I never spotted the relation with the LDs).
I had a very strange experience:
I've done the cycles (brief and normal ones) but i think I got caught up in some kind of hypnagogic hallucinations or maybe a dream itself. Basically at some point I was convinced of doing the cycles but I was actually seeing images of planets and galaxies, traveling back and forth between them. For the all time that I was seeing these things I was actually convinced that I was awake doing the normal cycles before getting into sleep, just like it happens when you see or do something odd in a dream but in the narrative of the dream itself is a perfectly normal thing.
At some point I saw the word "sleep" in my visual field, and I moved it in a infinite symbol shape hoping that this could help me to relax and finally fall asleep. It was a feeling quite intense, and I actually woke up from this dream/hypnagogic state, hearing a loud noise in my right ear (a mixture between a scratchy noise and a popping one, like when there is a changing of pressure on a plane for example, but louder), and feeling almost all my body caught up in vibrations.
I've tried to relax and get back to sleep but it only woke me up.
I've done the Reality checks but I was really awake. Sadly I didn't had any LD during the night, I think that I was awake for part of the night (I've kept doing RC regularly to be sure of it) or if I was sleeping I don't remember the dreams, which is something odd because I always remember my dreams.
I've also tried the technique this afternoon for a quick nap but still no luck, I will try again this night.
I can't recall anything this time.
(I haven't posted on here in a while, but I have been keeping a dream journal in a pad. Recently I realised my dreams are almost always in context with my life down to a T. Like nothing is ever weird or strange. It's just everyday life- Going out with my family or friends and so on. So becoming lucid is that much harder. But last night, though it was still an average dream, something crazy happens.)
(Can I just add that I legit thought this was real life. Like it was super weird)
I'm walking in my field with my best friend, our families quite a distance back. It's late evening so its pretty dark.
She suddenly tells me she has news. Then says "I'm moving to..." (I cant remember where she said but it began with an S and in a different country.)
Then she just breaks down crying and runs away from me. I catch up with her and start crying to and I hug her. I try to change them subject so I point to the distance and show her a flat field.
"In a dream recently I dreamt that field had a massive hill and I went sledding on it." (BTW THIS IS TRUE LOL) She shakes her head and laughs. "I want to go home now" She says so we do.
We kind of sit in silence and then something snaps inside of me. "You can't move away!" I scream to my friend and her family. "I need you" I suddenly cry again but something catches my eye.
This isn't their house so maybe... My dad suddenly appears and is like "Maybe you're dreaming" and I just say "I must be dreaming!" And i decide to do a reality check. My reality check at that moment was to see if i could read on my phone.
I get my phone out (I didn't realise at the time but my phone background had gone back to my first one: colourful swirls not the avengers one I have irl right now) I try to put my password in but my hands won't do as I ask.
I focus on the phone like my life depend on it and suddenly it unlocks. I go on instagram and try to read. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I CAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But the words are above a picture not below and they make no sense.
The first sentence said "Green Run Cufflinks" and then i looked away and then looked back and it said "Queen Keeping Mould String." At first I was like i must be dreaming but my brain kind off switches off and I'm like "Nooo... I can't be"
I go home leaving my friends house sick of the situation and I go home. Only to find my bed in a completely different place in my room and some stranger sleeping in it.
(Then I wake up.)
- Yet another Fallout dream... probably withdrawal symptoms
- Also during finals week.
I'm stealthing on this BOS encampment in the middle of the city. I try fighting them and do well for a little bit, but it doesn't last. Soon, this Legendary Knight-Sergeant completely wrecks me as I see a kitted-out Vertibird (with red flames and racing stripes) flying in the distance.
I run away, and I find this Mexican guy. We're at a ramp. I recognize the muffler shop down below and realize I get an achievement if I slide down the ramp into a spot, so I do it. I'm hangin out with this dude in the shop, when suddenly this strange creature runs up to me. It's like a synth dog with a human skull on one of its appendages. It furiously asks me to wear the skull and go take out the BOS.... and I say no, because that's a ridiculous idea. Then, it/she kinda forces me to...
[The dream dissolves...]
- This was during finals week... surprised I dreamed at all.
- No WBTB or anything.
I'm at this grocery store, and there's these cherries that are candied and dried. I realized I really wanted them, then S tells me that they're five dollars, like it's a really big deal. Then I look around that area and find the price tag on this basket, and they were like 4.50 or something. I bought some.
Fallout-ish. I'm standing outside, looking for S. Apparently we were going to go do something together, but she wasn't here. I call her up, and she doesn't pick up. Instead, this gravely guy does, and gives me threats and demands me to stay away. I'm looking around, then I get hit with this green lazer out of the corner of my eye. I then follow the light, behind the shed and off into a field. I never found this light-guy. There, I stealth until I get really close to this guy holding a satellite dish and a pistol. It's the gravely phone-dude. I take him out, smacking him in the forearm, etc. Then go to this military base off in front of me, and there's this shed/cargo container where they're keeping her. I sneak in, and find her strapped up to this strange machine. The other soldiers are fine with it, until ones in the distance see me. They start shooting. Guy with an rpg. I get out and start collecting their weapons, which have really boring names, like "tuned" and "unknown 1", and they're practically all the same model.
Mini-nightmare, dripping concrete.
"Going out" with N.... yeah. It was just on the way to the theater with S. She saw me... yeah. Awkward and strange.
SP was trying to make everyone smoke weed. We were at my house, and there were tons of other students. There were these little shanty storefronts everywhere. I'm hangin with J, and SP comes up to us with a cigar box and opens it up. It's full of blunts. He asks us if we wanna smoke one. I say "no, dude." Josh continues to talk with him though, and eventually he decides to do it. I lose faith in him, "don't do it!" He goes anyway down to the creek with SP. I wander around for a bit. I'm on my sofa, with JH and a few other people I don't really know. Then, SP comes over and gives JH a bong with a bunch of M&M/skittles. There's no weed in it or anything, but the kids keep passing it around... I don't take it. I'm in the front yard. J comes back with SP, and they're both really screwed up. J reeks of weed, wearing his leather jacket, and then we're kinda on this city block place. He reeks so bad that when my dad tries to talk to him he gets giggly.
(Though not lucid, this first one was about dream control.)
I've finally figured out how to work with this house. I've begun simply telling it, out loud, what I need from it - not exerting any effort or willpower, just a statement. "House, we need x thing," and the house takes care of it itself, without any effort on my part - simply informing the house what's needed instead of trying to control it. Amazing what a difference clear communication can make.
I'm talking to a servant girl in a room about the size of a closet where she both works and, I'm surprised to learn, sleeps. I ask if she'd like her own room, which of course she does. "House, we need a spare room." I walk out the door and find a new room's appeared, though it's dark and half-finished and covered in dust. "A nicer spare room." Now it's something suitable for living in - and I don't think I looked away, and there didn't seem to be any transition. One moment it had the first appearance, the next moment it was completely different. The girl explores the new room, exclaiming over it. There's a little bundle of fake white roses in a bowl of sugar.
There's what I think of as a wildfire at the edge of the house, just small patches of burning grass but I know it'll grow if I'm not careful. I have the impression this is the result of carelessly reshaping things, creating vulnerabilities around the edges. I have the house stop the fire, and though the fire's stubborn, it goes out as I walk towards it.
(Woke up. Back to sleep.)
A servant girl came running into a room at the back of the household after hearing one of the other servant girls shouting, but I grab her at the door and stop her. I can hear voices outside, and I recognize the voices of some soldiers who were causing problems with that second girl earlier, somewhere more public. They were reprimanded. Clearly they resented it and want payback. Realizing this, I admire the girl who came running to help; she's small and only armed with a kitchen knife and completely outnumbered, but she doesn't hesitate. Very noble.
Unfortunately for both of them, I'm in a hurry, so I'm not going to let her go help her friend. I'm just here to track down an object that belongs to me and which was stolen long ago, and which she stole from its most recent owner - a leather journal with a star on the center of the cover.
She showed me her room where it was hidden and ran off as soon as I released her, and I start looking through the journal, full of brief observations and sketches I'd drawn. I stop at the sketch on the last page, Jules sitting in a chair with his head tilted back. I feel like there's something foreshadowing about this. And while I'm looking at it, I hear an old man's voice as if he's looking over my shoulder. He makes a comment that makes it clear he recognizes Jules, and then asks me, "Did you follow me?"
Experimenting with oils. Oil: Spikenard. Each foot I applied one drop of oil.
I had the most amazing sleep. I didn't realize how poorly my sleep had been until it finally wasn't. Just two large segments I recall. In one I'm with friends at like, a carnival of sorts but it wasn't typical of anything I've experienced before. During one of the rides I almost fell out when it went upside down. Something wasn't working to hold me into the ride, either I forgot to buckle or more likely, I expected an automated lap belt. I seemed to be the only person struggling to stay in the ride so the first time I noticed how close we were to the ground, I considered jumping out. I didn't. The second time though, having decided it was a good idea, I did jump out. I rolled for a bit, no pain, but I realized the catch-area for the riders was VERY far away now. I had to duck under a few really oddly designed gates, then decided it's fine. I'll catch up with them later. Dream faded.
Sen was around for a part after this. Vaguely though. I was in a home and going in and out of a discrete set of doorways, concealed from normal folk. Somewhat hidden, but private.
Another segment was hanging out at a pool. I left the pool, by myself, walking through an antique store, stopped to look at myself in the mirror, noticed a dot stuck in my eye. I pull out the dot, turns out it's a spider, and still alive. I flick it away. It grows. It's massive. I try to kill it, it won't die. It morphs into something poisonous, with armored legs. Someone walks by and points out that it's a dog. I look again. It shifts into the form of a dog. I go over and pet it.
Have had a dry spell for a long time. Recently bought a journal for myself. The past two dream entries were pretty vague. I think I might be trying too hard at this. Hopefully within the week or so I can remember more and get back into lucid dreaming!
Another "ANA" like night. This time influenced by Jamie Alexander's ebooks: "Lucid Dreaming on Command" and "Meditation For Lucid Dreaming". The main thing about his approach is to focus your awareness in your head, forget your body, and "go deeper, let go." I choose his recommendation to focus awareness on HI.
I felt this is a lot like what dolphin does, staring at the back of his eyelids and waiting for FAs/dreams to appear.
The first half of the night seemed to take forever before dreams began. I may have been aware in NREM because at one point I moved on to my back and when I felt entirely aware, my wife told me that I was snoring which woke me up and I thought that was strange because I hadn't felt that I was snoring.
I kept trying to fall asleep to watching my HI and letting go/relaxing. Then the dreams started. Ordering not clear.
+ I'm on my way to get lunch, maybe I'll get pad thai. I encounter a (Round Table?) pizza place and go in, I'd love me some Kind Arthur Supreme! They have a buffet lunch going. I'm skeptical because I want the KAS, but I head that way. "Don't worry, " the cooks say, "we've made plenty of pizza for the buffet." I indeed see large circular clear containers full of pizzas stacked one on top of another.
I'm watching some presentation. A woman is talking about a piece of real-estate. She's trying to conceal her location, i see location on address on street, I know where this is [false]. House is large, 3 rich families live there. Look for a long time at the column marking the left front corner of the property, it's being reconstructed/rebuild? Around right front corner to side, the buildings are huge, right now just construction skeletons with girders. They're like 100 yards long, the size of a football field, what would be in there, a gym?
Then my team is playing on the ground level under the construction, it's a soccer field. I stand back and watch for a while, we're scoring goals, they're making good kicks, too. Then I run forwards and start participating. It's not all that easy for me to run, like I'm overweight. We make a run for the goal, and I try to kick but my kick is weak, it's not a soccer ball but instead some small colorful triangle things (paper?). I kick to my teammate, and we make 3 goals like that in a row with me assisting. At one point the goalie is grad school classmate KA, then he's on my team and we're scoring a goal together.
Enter a restaurant with my team. We're seated at a table. 3 out of 4 of my teammates are overweight.
I'm walking among and looking closely at suburban houses. I recommended a painter to some friends and I'm looking at the results [false]. I observe the colors: deep, grayish blue main building, sometimes an odd variant of raspberry/mauve, very dreamy colors. These painters always do a great and careful job. I'm in the carport of one such house and notice that they've painted the foundation a different color (this one is the blue/gray house with a reddish/pink foundation). They've painted a slightly uneven line between the house and the foundation, but that is because the foundation is bumpy concrete so the uneven line blends in to the texture of the house.
I pull myself up to look over the the roof and get a quick glimpse in a neighboring yard of a large fluffy dog.
I then climb fully on to the roof and launch into the air and fly. I gain some altitude, to avoid the dog in the next yard. The dog is barking/jumping at me as I fly over. The dog jumps at me and falls off the roof into the garden. I'm hovering/circling about 30-40 feet in the air, a girl is walking below me, she has notes for me, she's upset about the dog falling off the ceiling. There are letters stuffed in between the pages of books. The girl is my daughter?
Down on the ground I enter the house. There is a woman and a boy there seated at a table. I get a close up view of her right eye. It is strange. She has parallel vertical age lines above and below her eye on her forehead and her cheek:
I think this is unattractive. Then I notice her skin on her shoulder and chest. It is exposed (no shirt) and colored reddish-orange and of a very strange texture: the skin is pulled and cut into regular rectangular arrays of flaps about 1/8inch wide that stick up in the air about 1/4 inch. Her entire upper body is covered with these arrays of skin flaps. I notice a wrinkly nipple. The whole thing is a very odd and fairly repulsive sight.
Our team push starts a train. push hard, run to catch it, jump on. The woman train inspector may catch us. We've been riding around like this for a long time (is the track circular, how can we do that?) Uh oh here comes a end-of-track barrier, we're going fast, brace for impact, we plow through the barrier with no problems, and land in a cushion zone made for cases like this, with large slats of wood and piles of sand. There is a house for sale beyond this area?
Something odd like a guy opening his mouth around the for-sale sign (?) and indicating that the other guys should stick in their (ahem)s? It's a joke.
+ traveling through town, looking for ice cream/yogurt, some places catch my attention, I go into one. At the counter/register there is a light on the left that indicates you can place an ice cream order, and on the right that you can place a yogurt order. The ice cream light goes off and I try to communicate with the servers but they speak a different language. I go walking around the large store. I see people sitting in booths. Up ahead there are some large, fat, nudist women (lesbians?) sitting in a hallway booth. I walk by them trying to avoid looking at them. Around a corner there is a large room off to the side, with a male rock band and some female groupies.
+ (f) I follow into my jr hs best friend DD's house, his father is there, we're there with friends, we start discussing world history. Something about my dad? Sewer pipe exits? Every fifth pipe has elevated salt levels? I feel my skin peeling off of my foot from the high salt levels?
+ (f) I realize that I've lost my toilet seat shaped pillow for the night, they have reclaimed them. I need to pay for another one before they're all gone. I get one(?) and return inside to the equipment rack?
+ (f) exchange of candy. I wanted M&Ms I leave the area and check the (gas pumps?) the attendants/adult, guards are there but they don't bother me, I have a bag of candy, I turn around and re-enter the area
+ LD#167 ToTM advanced II (change gravity for a DC)
I look up into the sky and I see some puffy things like giant cotton swab puffs, and to the right a giant advertisement for a chocolate bar with many little bits of chocolate strewn around, I think "this is a dream-like sky, because only in dreams do you get particles like that in the sky". I do a nose pinch and am confused that I can breathe. That gets my attention, I try again and I can breathe. What? Oh! I run forwards and take a leap off of the road over a big drop with a small thought of "is this a bad idea?" but I fly and I'm firmly lucid now. I'm near a major university and think "I'm going to go mess with the students!" The thought of ToTM Advanced II (change gravity for a DC) enters my head. Down on the sidewalk below I see people, I choose a group of 3 walking together, 2 guys and a girl. I point my finger at the girl (who's standing on the right end of the 3 walking together), and will gravity to reverse for her so she falls into the sky. And indeed, she flies up high into the sky, 60 feet or so, when I un-reverse gravity for her and fly to catch her in my arms. Her head is to my left, feet the right. Her face is turned away from me. I turn her towards me, hoping/expecting to see a young/pretty college girl. She seems to be and I immediately kiss her. She's confused and I explain (punctuated by a few more short kisses) that I made a tiny modification of the space/time continuum around her, but that for her it probably felt like a large change. I ask her where she wants to go: New York? Europe? To the <rock band name forgotten> concert in Austrailia [false]? "Oh, the concert!" she answers. Darn, I think, I didn't really want to go to the concert. At this point there's a strange transition and we're outside a secret restaurant in Iran, and I'm now a small, dark-skinned, dark-haired local boy speaking through another local boy through a guy who works in the restaurant, explaining to the girl that I don't speak (Iranian?). The implication is that we're stuck in this situation (she accessed my dream power somehow to make this change?)... and then I wake up.
- Still further into WBTB + request method, and this is getting better and better.
- Most control I've had in a lucid yet.
- REALLY gotta fix the gyroscope turning problem.
Lucid Non-Lucid Non-Dream
I’m in an accurate version of the weight room. I’m sitting on these bleachers by the windows. Suddenly, while Ms. N is talking, H comes over and plops herself right next to me. I ask her, “So who are you dating?” In reality, she seems kinda interested in me but has a BF. She tells me that that’s the issue and that things are kinda rough between her and J, so she was wondering if I “wanted to have sex?” And I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, what do you mean by that? Do you mean like ‘doing it’, like, sexual intercourse?” And she says “Not quite, I mean...” But then I leave and move over to one of the lockers. I open it up and find a bunch of magazines inside. Then I realize, “Wait, I just talked to her. That would only happen in a dream!” The lucidity sets in. I start saying “I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming!” I turn around, look around, and then look at my hands to stabilize. I remember that I wanted clarity and say it. Things get a little clearer, but still not nearly as clear as I want. I turn around (which sends my POV kinda lopsided… definitely gotta fix that problem.) I’m laughing to myself and see PG looking at me with disgust. I look at her and say ”Shut the ___ up!” And I side kick her whole box apparatus into her and knock her over, knowing she’s a DC. Man, I’m a dream jerk. I run off and find some more boxes. I just start throwing them around the gym, and I drop kick one. No one notices. Then I just ran a lap around the gym. This is easily the longest and most controlled lucid I’ve ever had.
[The dream fragments...]