• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. "Not My Fault"

      by , 05-16-1971 at 06:28 AM
      Morning of May 16, 1971. Sunday.

      It seems very late at night or very early in the morning, perhaps a couple hours before dawn. I am with my mother at my Elementary school in an area between buildings and near a corner. We are looking to the south. There is no one around but us. Somehow, I easily see a church about three blocks away (in reality, the school building would be blocking the view). I can just make out the belfry in the semidarkness. I am not sure why we are here; perhaps something to do with my school records.

      Soon, a thicker bolt of lightning comes down from the right and strikes the church belfry, immediately causing it to go up in flames. My mother glares down an me as if I had something to do with it - her silent accusal increases the vividness of the dream a bit. I may have the power of pyrokinesis or some sort of ability to control lightning. (Although in afterthought, it could also be that the lightning strike was coincidental to my pyrokinetic “attack” but the entire event itself seems to have been controlled by me in a way.) I have no focus on actually having wanted to cause this event and the dream is extremely vivid but not lucid.

      “It’s not my fault,” I insist, but I do not think anyone would believe me.

      Many years later, I held the same mood with a similar scene in reality - in watching the movie “Firestarter” where she says “that’s not my fault” in the barn (relative to her pyrokinesis and about the same age as I am in this dream - my first tulpa creation attempt in-dream was in a barn and looking at the hayloft) and there were a few later dreams that had precise imagery and details from that movie years in advance that were far too detailed to be solely coincidental.
      Tags: fire, pyrokinesis
    2. Golden Dragon

      by , 04-11-1971 at 10:11 AM
      Morning of April 11, 1971. Sunday.

      In my dream, my best friend Toby T and I enter the “Castle of Riddles” (which is seemingly modeled after my school and loosely related to “which classroom” I will go into on the second floor - though this changes and it then seems to be set in the basement near my dream’s ending). It actually seems to be part of some sort of (fictional, obviously) new game show for television that is being filmed at one point, though this idea remains more in the background. There were a few versions of this one - one did not have the “game show” atmosphere at all. One even seemed like a slow-motion replay and less vivid, watching disembodied from above the last scene, our bodies appearing somewhat distorted or “warped”. Toby and I are the only human characters present throughout.

      We are each to choose between one of two doors - one of us can only choose one door for ourselves out of required mutual agreement - in other words, each door must be for only one “contestant”. One door supposedly leads to gold coins, the other to “death” (or implied doom or bad fortune). It seems rather strange that my best friend and I are supposedly agreeing to this, but such is the case and I do not seriously reflect on it that much.

      Eventually, I pick the door on the left (numbered “one”) and Toby picks the door on the right (numbered “two”). As soon as I open the door, I find myself falling and sliding down a steep incline of gold coins (possibly an Uncle Scrooge comic book influence). I am very happy, as I look to my right and notice Toby is also sliding down the hill of gold coins at the same speed I am. We joyfully pick up coins as we are sliding and let them flow through our hands. I get the impression that they are golden American coins, though am not sure of the value. We continue to express our happiness as we slide. However, we both hear a loud roar (somewhat lion-like) and notice that, at the foot of the hill of gold coins, is a living golden dragon (that actually seems made of gold but is somehow organic at the same time - there is also an association with a furnace with a dragon-head-shaped door). It seems like we will die (thus to be eaten - though one version has the dragon’s head perpendicular to the direction we are sliding, thus is experienced and unresolved as ambiguous), but I wake up before I reach the open mouth, which in one version (even the original had at least one “reset”), turned out to be a large and stylish antique andiron, and in another version, a large school furnace (the setup actually seeming to take place at West Elementary in one version).

      This dream has the sunrise event rendered as a golden dragon that is set to swallow my dream self and my middleman (Toby T). The two doors are a similar dream analogy as an intersection (the concurrent “choice” between dreaming or waking, though here both doors can obviously only lead to waking). Sliding down the hill of coins (a dream sign position that renders my dream self as in a lying-down position) is a redundant coalescence event and in this case it (sliding down) is also a variation of the natural waking mechanism. I wake before the actual point of being swallowed (coalescence of dream self into whole consciousness, which all larger animals typically symbolize).

      Even this dream was precognitive in the sense that I saw a comic book story with some of the same elements and names after my dream (which happened fairly often though is more correctly called “postcognition” in cases when something has already been published). A Harvey comic book story seen later related to Casper the Friendly Ghost and involved characters trying to decide which of two doors to open and ending up as “mindless servants” when touching both doorknobs at the same time.

      In my childhood, I was somewhat intimidated by a fifth grade teacher, Mr. F, as well as the “King Midas” story which I despise, as it seems like an attempt to brainwash children into associating money with being “greedy". There was also a story about a treasure being “cursed”; an annoying theme with a “moral” unworthy of a rational human being (especially for these times, as one needs a larger amount of money just to survive at all).

      Updated 06-04-2016 at 09:39 AM by 1390

    3. The Tank and the Hilltop

      by , 04-09-1971 at 10:36 AM
      Night of April 9, 1971. Friday.

      Brenda W, a female classmate and friend (who lived just north of me but on the other side of Highway Seventeen in real life), also often playing a role within the main “mystery girl” composite or “wife-to-be stand-in” - is visiting my home in Cubitis. It seems to be morning, around nine o’clock. Her father is there as well as my father, I think (and perhaps both of our mothers in another area). We are all in my father’s original old room near the southern end of the room close to the windows and more towards the door, I being the only one sitting on the floor. Everyone else is at a table. I talk to her father (who is closest to me, sitting in a chair) about marrying her and he eventually asks me if he can look at my toy plastic army tank. When he looks at it, he accidentally but clumsily breaks the turret off. It is ruined, but I do not show my own anger as I do not want him being angry about his own carelessness by my acknowledgment of it - or perhaps he did it on purpose (this is not certain) - in which case an unpleasant confrontation would ensue. (This is probably a representation of the “defeat” or lack of readiness of my boyish masculine energies by her father - an obvious sort of symbolic “breaking or denial of manhood” or the male member, I suppose.)

      There is another scene where either Brenda or the “mystery girl” (as I only see her in shadowy silhouette for the most part) and I are on a hilltop, either in late afternoon or early evening just as the sun is going down. There is a similar awareness of the animation from “Song of the South” (from 1946). Leaves and flower petals are blowing around us in spirals. It is a very positive feeling. It almost seems like a wedding scene. My real wedding years later was on April 9, which was indeed to the “mystery girl”. Last year on this date (April 9, 1970) was also a marriage-related dream. (On a side note, when I married in real life, there were leaves and petals blowing around in a wind during a mild storm though we were under a shelter in Hervey Bay and the storm stopped immediately after the wedding, which can be seen on the video we have).

      It seems that the toy tank scene of this dream set was partly influenced by an episode of “The Partridge Family”. I was ten and so was Danny Bonaduce on the show. He was mistakenly drafted into the army on this episode by an “infallible” army computer and his mother took him to the induction center and he even goes through the tests because they do not “really” look at him.

      As I carefully go over thousands of heavily documented dreams, I am noticing two things a bit more; one being far more subtle television influence than I originally thought (which seems odd considering the level of synchronicity and even common precognitive associations), and yet two - there being far more unexplainable connections than even I originally thought.

      Updated 07-04-2015 at 12:22 PM by 1390

      non-lucid , memorable
    4. Wed-Nez-Day

      by , 04-07-1971 at 10:43 AM
      Morning of April 7, 1971. Wednesday.

      In real life I had shown a young female teacher, after class, my “How and Why Wonder Book of the Moon”. When she asked “Can I have this?” I thought she meant that she wanted to borrow it for a short time for another class so I said “yes”. Unfortunately, I never saw the book again (so I guess she thought it was a gift). I did not ask her about it and I did not tell either of my parents about the event. (I did have most of the “How and Why Wonder Books” of the time period). I was not angry. I just felt rather strange about the situation. I thought perhaps that I would get it back at the end of the school year but did not. I was always quite passive in the presence of public authority, not because I liked, “appreciated”, or trusted authority in any way - in fact, it was the opposite and I was passive because I saw most such people as unpredictable, unintelligent, and unaware (and likely dangerous at the drop of a hat) except for perhaps a few teachers during my school years, but even then, I strongly sensed their shortcomings and overall incompetence given the circumstances, which often frustrated me but I remained quiet.

      During this time, I thought of the book being returned on “Moon Day”. I had “worked out” that this was the day relating to the moon and had a false memory that the moon was always full on a Monday.

      The main in-dream theme that recurred here for a few weeks was the idea that people only got married on Wednesdays. It became “Wedding Day”, the “long form” of “Wed Day”. In reality, I never did learn how to “mentally say” Wednesday. If I do attempt to actually think of Wednesday as Wednesday, it comes out wrong due to the bizarre and atypical spelling of the word. This stems from earlier years where I never once said (mentally) anything other than WED NEZ DAY. This is why I so quickly learned to spell it (even over incorrectly spelling “what” as “hwat”, “when” as “hwen”, and so on when four years old). To this day, I mentally think “Wed nez day” when I want to write it, knowing the “z” is actually an “s” and then write Wednesday…I wonder if other people do this.
    5. "The War on Brenda W"

      by , 04-04-1971 at 10:04 AM
      Morning of April 4, 1971. Sunday.

      A paperback western novel which I read as a young boy and later as a young teen, called “The War on Charity Ross” (by Jack M. Bickham), had influenced a new dream in it becoming “The War on Brenda W” (a female classmate - full name in title in my own journal but not shown here) in altered title only (without any of the novel’s scenarios). It mostly involved best friend Toby T and me “fighting” over Brenda in a sort of comical-type “movie”, but yet with a slightly menacing adult-oriented nature unusual for a child’s dream at the time in my opinion and implying marriage of the victor to Brenda.

      A few scenes mostly only involved in-dream versions of games “Duck, Duck, Goose” (the most vivid and dominant scenario), “Red Rover”, and “Red light, green light” and chasing each other around in circles, simply trying to catch Brenda. She does not seem as extroverted here as in real life or in other dreams. The location was also of an area I rarely dreamt about, being the northwest area of the mostly featureless school grounds on the other side of the main building.

      This dream was unusual for me (other than likely being influenced somewhat by the novel), in that I always found the concept of “fighting for a girl” to be atrocious in the long run. Either a girl is going to like someone (by her own wishes) or she is not. The male that “wins” in a fight between them (especially when the girl already does not like one of them at all, including perhaps the would-be victor) is a ludicrous concept in my opinion, even from my viewpoint as a child, especially in westerns that I had seen, as well as still seeming a part of modern mainstream society with some mindsets. That may be why this dream (or any later version either) does not have a definitive ending.

      There are also some other ways to look at this. As Brenda was a proven alternate archetype for the (precognitive) “mystery girl” (wife-to-be) in most cases, there is also the well-established swan connection when considering it started out as a “duckling” (relative to “Duck Duck Goose”). My dream also features the act of going around in a circle which brings to mind the vivid tornado vs. merry-go-round scenario, which I considered a very important childhood dream - thus there is a very subtle Yin and Yang relationship here as well and possibly even a rather subtle “goose that laid the golden egg” association.

      Updated 09-27-2015 at 08:18 PM by 1390

    6. A Trip to the Moon

      by , 03-27-1971 at 03:07 PM
      Morning of March 27, 1971. Saturday.

      A large unknown family (with at least a son and a daughter both around my age) and a lot of items (too many, it seems, as the car seems too weighted down at times) mostly tied over the roof of their pale green station wagon, makes a wrong turn near our house in Cubitis (heading south) and they end up going through our neighbor’s orange grove and then everything (including my home) is somehow on the moon. However, my “home on the moon” is a bit different, though still seems a partial duplicate of my home on Earth. There are no lunar surface features on the in-dream moon except those featured on a small framed picture hanging from the wall in the room with the gorilla later on.

      There is a giant earwig under a large tarpaulin near the entrance to the shed, though the shed seems in a different area of the backyard. It looks out from underneath but does not come out. Its yellow eyes, which are glowing, are the only thing visible in the darkness under the tarpaulin. The appearance and nature of the eyes is actually much like a scene from “Gay Purr-ee” (but with cat’s eyes in the movie scene), thus it is not at all like the eyes of an insect (though which I illogically reason is as such because of its giant size). I believe it came from the scene where the eyes (from the “Money Cat” scenes) are glowing from a storm drain (or at least from a chimney scene if the storm drain idea is a false memory).

      The family walks around, not knowing they are actually on the moon, it seems. They appear to be looking for a hotel or motel on their itinerary.

      A tiny flat plastic figure of a monochrome red “Martian” (I had in real life; a toy figure from a box of cereal, Quisp, I think) moves about as if alive, somewhat insect-like at first, but it is soon actually “full size” in my dream (about two-thirds as tall as I am). However, it later seems to be revealed only as a stage prop, where a couple (unknown) men are pushing it along on small wheels. There is also a vague impression that it is part of a carnival duck shoot.

      I climb up a ladder and look through a glass transom above a locked door, similar to the Rose Street apartment area (but more like a place I lived in years later on King Street). A large gorilla is sleeping on his back on a couch with a Cracked Magazine open over his chest. A longer series of the letter “Z” (of about three different sizes) is actually floating over his head, moving from right to left. For a short time, I also see a floating animated image of a hand saw sawing a small log. He soon wakes and seems annoyed by the noise as well as the sawdust falling on him from his own comic-strip-like sleep balloon. I am not sure if it is a real gorilla seen as is or a gorilla in a costume (odd reasoning). He is aware that other people are trespassing in his home, so we (the family and I) leave the area. We are not threatened or seemingly that endangered and do not see the gorilla again.

      Eventually, we come back to Earth in the car just by driving around the “cow pasture” on the moon (“twin” to the real one, beyond the back of my home). The family never seemed to know or acknowledge that they were actually on the moon, just commenting on some strange areas near my home. They do not believe me when I tell them we had been on the moon, so I show them around and show how things are different (for example, no large gorilla on a couch). They probably are not convinced.
      Tags: earwig, gorilla, moon
    7. Chrysalis

      by , 03-02-1971 at 12:45 PM
      Morning of March 2, 1971. Tuesday.

      I am playing paper football with Opie W from my own desk. I am not certain who is ahead. The room seems to be a composite of Mrs. F’s class with features of classrooms I had not actually been a part of (including for the older students).

      I accidentally flick the paper football too hard and it gets stuck between the tiles in the ceiling right over Mrs. F’s head. A couple other students notice, but she does not and asks “What are you laughing at?” to the ones laughing and then she shrugs it off.

      Over time, the paper football somehow grows larger and becomes a cyan chrysalis. It “quivers” at times, signifying life. The teacher does not notice at all but I feel a vague wariness that it may fall on her.

      A real-life event vividly replays. Michael P was drawing a simple picture of himself standing in an undefined area. He is adding details to the jeans. Susan R looks on and gasps, “Oooh, Michael” in disapproval.

      Michael annoyingly calls to Mrs. F, saying, “Mrs. F, I was just drawing pants and adding the zipper part and Susan thinks it’s a wiener thing." The teacher, reflecting a perfect composite emotion of terror and rage, slowly asks, "Michael…WHAT is a wiener thing?" Michael looks slightly embarrassed and goes back to his drawing.

      Time seems to pass, perhaps a week or more. I get the impression that the chrysalis holds a "copy” of Susan or Susan herself, but it is not known what will eventually happen. There is an ominous association with “never going back”.

      There seem to be a fair number of subtle plays as is typical with certain types of dreams, examples being a play on “pupa” (chrysalis) and “pupil” (student), a paper football somewhat resembling a butterfly from the side and a typical link to the highly influential “Chrysalids” story (by John Wyndham) and the unexplainable mystical association with the “other” (Susan R). This seems connected with (and precognitive of) the identical drawings of the inchworm in a derby by the “other” and my as-yet-unknown wife (who never left Australia or knew any of my childhood friends), the details being so exact, there was even the same pencil slip (and corrected mistake) and were both part of their short story (the stories being different). This also reflects a dream where the “mystery girl” sees the drawing and actually copies it (while it was on my desk near my bed) so that I will one day “know” her in reality…which turned out to be one of thousands of unexplainable events for me as that actually came to pass, this in turn being a subtle link to when Brenda W (proven wife archetype in dreams) later actually copied my own story almost exactly (but on purpose on her part), other than changing “toads” to “spiders” in every instance. Also, my wife, when young, wrote a story called “W’s Dream” using the same last name as Brenda. Tip of the iceberg in “funny business” as usual.
    8. "The Dead One" - A closer look at another childhood dream

      by , 02-13-1971 at 08:13 AM
      Night of February 13, 1971. Saturday.

      Brenda W, a female classmate I was fairly close to, and who lived just north of me in Florida, turned out to seem to also be some sort of dream symbol and remarkable catalyst for my future wife (there seemed nothing like this for the “other” - Susan R - although she was already present in my life at the time, so did not need a precognitive or anachronistic catalyst, I guess). There is a lot of evidence for this as well as some pretty strange synchronicity on top of precognitive aspects over a longer time period, some now just coming to light which I will add here, as in all honesty “it never ends” as the deeper I look the more “impossible” synchronicity unfolds, in layers, going far beyond being mathematically possible by chance alone.

      In the first part of my dream, which seems to be taking place fairly late at night, I go to Brenda W’s house with a larger bouquet of flowers to give to her. As I am walking along, I horrifyingly notice that a yellow bulldozer had ran over and killed her just prior to my arriving, possibly by minutes (I associated yellow in my dreams with “caution” at the time - as with traffic lights and painted borders on floors for possible hazards). Her right hand, from the lower part of the wrist up, is sticking up from the ground (where there is no grass but a few stones here and there). The rest of her had been covered up. I am in awe over the melancholy scene. My dream fades or shifts into the next scene…

      I am at the cemetery a few blocks from the school - I had ridden my bicycle past there (instead of taking the school bus most of that year) in real life several years later. In my dream, I am at Brenda’s grave. It seems to be open to display her in almost as a sort of Snow White scenario (or perhaps the grave is not “finished” yet?). It is at one of the graves closer to the road, but as I do not have the luxury yet of knowing the exact location/lot, I do not yet know whose grave it actually was in real life (something I would like to know) as although some cemeteries have exact locations of lot views online, this one does not and I do not quite have enough time to do more extensive research presently.

      I reach down to tentatively touch her and get a strange sensation of sticky cellophane covering her entire form. This fallacy seems somewhat “logical” in my dream. It is a fictional way of preserving her appearance, I suppose, similar to how a poster is laminated to make it last much longer. It is a very sad scene for me. I look upon her laminated body for what seems like a long time before I resign to continuing with my life.

      Later on (seemingly much later in my dream - perhaps two weeks or more), I am walking in the main part of town. I see Brenda, alive and apparently healthy and uninjured, walking around in the distance. I start to approach her, but she runs off (after stopping and watching me for a minute or so as I go closer to her), appearing to be frightened of everything - or perhaps she does not want to be “discovered” (alive again) by anyone who knew her yet. This happens a few times and I am never able to catch up with her or find where she is staying. I see her vanish among smaller groups of people and she always somehow eludes me. Perhaps she is lost and does not know where to go.

      Doing a bit of research, I found a different Brenda W (perhaps her grandmother) in a cemetery near where her family would have originally lived, and that other Brenda died on my wife’s birthday in 1991 - which is the year we first made contact. It was also in block 36, which was the number of my wife’s street address when we first made contact. Layer upon layer, it never ends.

      So, the Brenda W in my dream was running away, perhaps in being a symbol of my future wife, was not to be in my path at that time.

      Oak Ridge link

      The event where I touch Brenda’s “corpse” (the back of her left hand) in her open casket relates to a (subliminal) interest in the nature of sleeping and dreaming and is also a dream sign (as she is in a sleeping position and was likely also asleep at the time of my dream in the same directional orientation - thus on one level, this was likely distorted remote viewing). Additionally, the fact that Brenda; neighbor, friend, and classmate; was the only female as such in my youth that I perceived as dying and coming back to life (in a number of dreams) and who was also confirmed as a “stand-in” for my soulmate Zsuzsanna (other than when my “mystery girl” herself appeared, sometimes distorted into some of Brenda’s features), it speaks volumes.

      Updated 04-24-2017 at 06:38 AM by 1390

      memorable , non-lucid
    9. Through the Keyhole

      by , 01-19-1971 at 11:27 AM
      Morning of January 19, 1971. Tuesday.

      I am looking through a keyhole and see Brenda W, a female classmate and good friend. She is not aware that I am watching. It first seems to be at her house and seeing into her room, but then a little later (“same” keyhole in-dream) at West Elementary School where we are both students. After a short time (perhaps ten minutes), I see “living” totem poles moving about, some of which change into being more human-like at times. There is a red and wider crablike one which reminds me somewhat of a cheap plastic figure from a novelty vending machine.

      One, however, was identical to the “creature” at the end of the “Circle of Fear” television show episode “Earth, Air, Fire and Water” and even had a few identical moments of mood and discovery, sometimes seeming to relate to my own viewpoint. Of course, this was a couple of years before I saw it in real life (before it was even aired on television the first time, in fact, on January 19, 1973). There were a large number of elements of the show that unfolded quite precisely in later years. It was very mysterious and elusive in meaning and the eerie music even touched me at a closer level. One of my favorite quotes is from the show, “Remember the days of plenty; they were good days… there will be good days again”.

      Because Brenda was often a “stand-in” for the “mystery girl” (wife-to-be), the play on “key” seems to be more obvious now that I am much older. Also, a totem pole is a composite of different entities (such as two people being one in marriage).
      Tags: keyhole
    10. King of the Birds

      by , 01-15-1971 at 07:15 AM
      Night of January 15, 1971. Friday

      This is not the same as the “The Buzzard who Would Be King” dream, although it has vaguely similar concept. In this one, I am fully in-dream. I walk out onto the carport in Cubitis, seemingly late at night, and notice that the house seems to be “flying” in the clouds or actually caught up in a twister like a scene from “The Wizard of Oz”. Everything has an “energized” feel, including the very air around me. I am almost lucid, but not quite. A man-sized bird flies suddenly down from the east end of the carport and stands looking at me as with seemingly an intent to “save” me or become my friend. I sense that he is the “king” of the birds. In fact, he even wears a crown. (I assume the bird is male.) I originally believed this bird to be representing a hawk (but could also be a variation on my view of buzzards “dominating” my dreams for a time - this one being far more positive in association). Technically it was modeled after the animated Woggle-Birds from “Jack and the Beanstalk” (1967). The bird does not talk in this dream. This was one of a few dreams I used for my “King of the Birds” story in fifth grade that was “published” in a mimeograph format - and by which Bobby G informed me that “birds can’t talk” while his story was about anthropomorphic trees going to school, getting married, talking, and having babies. This is a good example of the bizarre irony and people I have dealt with all my life. It is the story I autographed for classmate Susan R (the “other” - that is, the only other person in my life whom I had a strange “paranormal” link to in real life).

      There is nothing at all threatening about the dream, either the bird or the strange weather or even being inside a tornado fairly high in the sky (or the thought of it in this dream state, anyway). This is quite possibly an early version or “clue” (of which I had thousands) of the Corona Borealis and Corona Australis plot by way of the meeting of the “birds” from America and Australia according to one source, particularly as a possible Yin force reference relative to the implied spiral of tornadoes in some of my early dreams.
      Tags: carport, hawk, tornado
      lucid , memorable
    11. “Jingle all the waaaaaay…” (Melancholy Dwarf Sings)

      by , 12-23-1970 at 06:23 PM
      Morning of December 23, 1970. Wednesday. (Original data and date validated.)

      Recurring over Christmas holidays during fourth grade. I am at school for some reason during the weekend starting Christmas break. A very short man/elf (who is very old) - or possibly a dressed-up dwarf or midget more “realistically” - is singing “Jingle Bells” very mournfully (dragging out “way” with a very melancholy flow with about three syllables). He used to sing it with great cheer, but his wife, who was three times taller than him (a blue Christmas fairy or whoever) had died the year before. However, in one part of my dream it seems her “spirit” is present and in a happy mood watching him and there seem to be a few other “woodland characters” in the background, possibly to later participate or remain an audience. (The idea for the “blue fairy” as a dream influence may have come from “Pinocchio”.)

      In real life, I had gotten a really long candy-cane-striped pencil with an elf head on the end - not an eraser though, it was made of plastic and cloth - from school as a gift from a teacher. I actually had it for many years, unused.

      Also in real life, I had exchanged gifts at school with Morris E based on name draws in school. I had given him (bought by my mother) a small spinner game with tiny pegs in a plastic box about the size of a deck of cards, and he gave me a pair of very cheap toy plastic handcuffs. However, the handcuffs broke after a very short time before school was out that day (and during the so-called Christmas party). The teacher made us switch back to where we kept our “own” gifts and of course, this made Morris E more of my nemesis than he already was, blaming me for “ruining his Christmas”, something I did not take all that seriously, though. My mother seemed vaguely annoyed at me keeping the gift as well. It is possible the mournful singing dwarf was some sort of representation of Morris in one layer, as he was a “dwarf” of sorts, that is, his growth was stunted and he remained very short as he got older.

      This dream colored my mood, but not in a negative way. It just felt “right” at the time, almost nostalgic (even for a child). I did make the stronger association with a “Christmas dwarf” rather than a Christmas elf.

      Updated 10-11-2015 at 06:26 PM by 1390

      non-lucid , memorable
    12. The Tadpole’s Ghost (in new two tier story format)

      by , 12-21-1970 at 06:21 PM
      Night of December 21, 1970. Monday.

      My older brother Dennis, half-brother on my mother’s side, is visiting my parents and me at our home in Cubitis during his leave during the Vietnam war, in my dream as well as in reality. Also in reality as is recognized in my dream, he had given me a small silver flashlight with a corrugated surface, that was identical to the one he had. My birthday was the day before; December 20th. [Dennis plays the role of “interested witness” in my dream and is the only other human character in this segment.]

      He and I are in my father’s original room at the southwest corner of my Cubitis home. It seems to be very late at night, perhaps around midnight or after. There is a light mist in the room, rising up to just below knee-level. [The appearance of a mist at or near ground-level, especially inside a familiar house, is a very good dream sign, though I do not become lucid.] We are standing close to the large bed (and which has mostly light gray and light blue bedding), almost touching the sides. My brother Dennis is standing on the left of my informal disembodied viewpoint, closer to both the door and the head of the bed as I am looking south towards the jalousie windows which the head of the bed is adjacent to and from my incorporeal perspective of watching myself (which I do not find unusual at all), the other “real” (physical) me being closer to the foot of the bed on my right, the bed perpendicular to the south wall of the room, out from about the middle of the wall. [A bed is another very good and more obvious dream sign, especially when a mist appears around it.]

      A ghostly tadpole, floating in the air, partially transparent and with a hint of blue, about the length of my hand, is hovering and wavering horizontally above the center of the empty bed, and it is looking north towards the foot of the bed as well as alternating glances at us, remaining in position at about two and a half feet from the bed’s surface, reminding me a little of a fluttering pennant. [“See, I am like a ship’s pennant, fluttering above a bed in a room of mist, marking the platform of your induction, so take notice of me, do you not see you are in a dream?”]

      This ghostly tadpole is my secondary conscious self presence within my dream, projected here as the flying symbol of dream state immersion and waking transition, downsized and rendered as not yet an adult frog to remind me I am still a boy. It speaks to me of coalescence, impossibly “swimming” fairly high above the implied surface of a pond or other body of water; as such, rising above the awareness of a typical dream, and as a result, my dream almost reaches apex lucidity and becomes nearly as vivid as real life.

      Both Dennis and I are shining flashlights at it and around it and watching its big eyes dart from side to side, as I remain with a feeling of awe and wonder, watching how the light reacts to various aspects of its partly reflective wavering body. Its mouth also makes fish-like movements the whole time. My brother is talking about it in detail and making other comments. I catch the word “weird” a few times but not much else. [The flashlight is the power of the whole conscious self, shining light and awareness into the dream state, and in addition to this being my primary conscious self essence, it also signifies the inevitability of sunrise and daylight - that which dissolves the most vivid of dreams.]

      Time passes and the hovering ghostly tadpole eventually quickly turns (after seemingly deciding if he wanted to go into Dennis’s flashlight or mine) and suddenly “swims” into my flashlight, following the ray of light that my flashlight emits, yet my flashlight goes out as my dream eventually “darkens” and I wake with somewhat of a curious awareness and puzzlement. I get an impression that Dennis will be puzzled by my flashlight no longer working as I come out of an odd half-awake state.

      …and thus my dream ends, the small “undeveloped” (not yet a frog) ghost of my dream self projection, incomplete threads of conscious puzzlement and limited identity, the “haunted” nature of “unraveled” conscious attentions, deciding to coalesce back into the light of day, the tool and form of whole consciousness, the flashlight, the ray of rationality, the flight of the waking, half-aware self back to the source and out of the dream state. There is only one additional detail. My flashlight really did stop working that morning, which puzzled my brother greatly. The batteries were new. Perhaps the bulb burnt out. I did not drop it, but it never worked again.

      Updated 03-24-2016 at 02:32 PM by 1390

    13. King of Outer Space

      by , 12-19-1970 at 03:00 PM
      Night of December 19, 1970. Saturday.

      On the eve of my tenth birthday (December 19, 1970), a rather oddly titled article by John Dart appeared in the “Crossroads” newspaper supplement, that being “Is God A She?” I wonder if anyone else even noticed. More importantly, was God “the queen of outer space” (that afternoon’s movie)? “Obviously not all goddesses one meets…are of this sort,” said Dr. Dornish at the end of the article.

      One of my most vivid memories from age five is being in the “Miracle Space Ship” in Copeland Park in La Crosse, especially on the day I slid down the big wavy slide for the first time while there was a light rain beginning and my mother was waiting near the bottom (on the right) with arms akimbo and my father just pulling up in a car on the edge of the road, being apparently annoyed by my tentativeness in getting out of the rocket according to what my mother was saying rather loudly. However, I never developed the courage to go all the way up to the top and mostly stopped about one section above what was at the time, a massive slide “above the world”. I listened to the giggles and the metallic thumps above me, sensing the movement and vibrations in this “rocket”, and thought perhaps the whole structure precarious, and even perhaps the other children floating off into nowhere when reaching the top. (Years later, when I returned to Wisconsin as an older teenager, it was far less intimidating.)

      In an adventurous dream, Talleah and Yllana are present. Random male classmates serve the background roles. There was the typical composite confusion found in dreams, where I absentmindedly replaced the new slide in the West Elementary School playground with the rocket slide from Copeland Park. This was not problematic as dream characters sometimes do not care less if a setting is even there, let alone rendered with proper detail.

      Talleah (Zsa Zsa Gabor) tells me “You needn’t worry dahlink.”

      Queen Yllana: “I’m going to allow myself the exquisite pleasure of watching you while I obliterate the Earth.” (I did not yet know what “exquisite” meant. I thought it might have something to do with pinching someone as they did on St. Patrick’s Day if you were not wearing green regardless of any cultural background or considerations.) John C (classmate) does not seem too impressed and seems to be talking a bit too much. I wish he would just stop before the women get more annoyed or call “dial-a-verse” to keep himself quiet.

      The playground is the playground though an outpost on Venus at the same time, perhaps bilocated through typical in-dream layered associations. I need to “escape” by climbing the steps, but they go on forever…
    14. My Magic Show

      by , 12-19-1970 at 12:19 PM
      Morning of December 19, 1970. Saturday.

      I am performing a magic show on the Cubitis carport, in front of a few friends and classmates (at least five or more) on the day before my birthday. There may be others watching me from behind and to either side, including a couple adults (teachers?).

      At the time, this was likely a longer and more eventful dream, but I had originally only recorded some of the main details - though it also “reset” and was recurring (including on the same morning or prior evening), though this is mostly a combination of all versions of my dream.

      I have a top hat and a wand, as well as a little table and am directly facing the east end of the carport and standing near the area that is just back from the west end of the carport itself. My classmates are really enjoying the show, it seems.

      There is a point at which I throw sparkling confetti into the air. At that same moment, it starts to actually snow (in central Florida, yet) and the audience is amazed. The snow is not falling inside the carport, though, but directly outside, creating a feeling of a pleasant surprise as well as a sense of comfort and peace.

      There is another point at which I turn a dove into a very large vulture that sits on my shoulder, but there is no sense of danger or fear (although audience members say “Oooh” out of appreciation and a slight wariness, perhaps).

      There is another point at which there is orchestral music seemingly coming from nowhere (just as it does in movies and television shows, really). Also, my magic wand grows small branches and leaves. I remember some joyful conversation, but did not remember it after waking.

      I turn a matchbox bus into a real school bus (which appears on the highway in the distance and in a way, seems like an “obvious” deception and the magic act sort of losing cohesion, but only in one version of my dream). Also, at one point, it seems the carport is flying in the sky like it is the large basket of a balloon (recurring). I also do a few simple card tricks.
      Tags: magic
    15. Knife-Nose (lucid nightmare)

      by , 11-29-1970 at 05:29 PM
      Morning of November 29, 1970. Sunday. (Last researched and edited for clarity and completion on Friday, 4 September 2015.)

      In my dream, I had been wandering about in my backyard in Cubitis, seemingly around nine o’clock on a clear morning, becoming more and more lucid, growing in a very vivid fully-in-body awareness - and so naturally I am starting to think about enjoying whatever I wish to (which was usually physical interaction with females even at this young age). I am eventually seated on the ground inside an area within the unfinished part of the rabbit shed, near some concrete block columns my father had put up recently (and perhaps about four feet apart). As I am seated there and facing south (looking in the opposite direction as the main part of the shed) and feeling quite happy in my anticipatory musings, I turn slightly to my right to look westerly towards the carport and notice an unknown stray dog walking about and sniffing the ground. I believe it is possibly a Black Labrador Retriever. The dog huffs with a “silent bark” upon noticing me.

      I become extraordinarily angry. “You dogs are always ruining my dreams,” I bravely shout out with the tone of my frustration quite dominant (though still with my young boy’s voice), expressing my irritation at the presence of a seeming potential threat and as such, my attention drawn from my previously hopeful lucid intent of feminine contact.

      After a menacing deep growl, the dog seems to teleport from where he is near the east end of the carport (though on the lawn), to suddenly appear right near me, and then “stabs” me in the small of my back with his nose, sending me into a vivid state of near-unbearably-enhanced touch; the “deep tickle” and lower back “spasm” I have had in other dreams since around age two, which causes me to jolt awake. I was quite annoyed at having such a vivid and well-rendered dream be “destroyed” in this way.

      This “deep tickle” and spasm (resulting in “cold pain” mixed with sudden but fleeting ecstasy) has always been an unexplainable premonitory state, which is back with me again in 2014 after a very long absence for much of my life, though now sometimes near random areas of my ribs and shoulders, front and back (though still mostly near my spine and the small of my back), and with an additional premonitory state when an approaching touch (and with my eyes closed in nearing sleep) is not even close enough to otherwise physically sense it. Oddly, it usually only happens once on a particular night, rarely twice.

      I believed prior to this lucid dream (from several similar ones relating to lucid dog attacks) that most dogs (usually black or rust-colored) were seemingly solely there to annoy and even attack me and “block” my intent of interaction with a female. This is possibly based on having seen “The Hound of the Baskervilles” (1959 version) a few times at an early age as I never had an actual fear of dogs in real life (or any childhood trauma associated with dogs). This was a fairly common occurrence in certain lucid dreams only (and only of the higher levels of extreme lucidity which held no distortions at all in in-body awareness and environmental ambiance), from 1970 to 1973 (though some residual elements up to 1975).

      One might ask “which came first”, the spasm or the threshold of the dream event. Although it is premonitory (apparently similar to an epilepsy aura, though I do not have epilepsy) it also seems to have a liminal level of potential control at times, as I have “softened” it at times as one would alter or willfully stop a sneeze and sometimes (though rarely) stopped it by mental force of will. I must also point out that this is a very brief event and it seems highly unlikely that the dreamer (or self-as-dream-maker) would “know” it was coming to set everything up so purposely and perfectly well ahead of time. Therefore, it is unexplainable, similar to dreams that seem to build up to an unexpected atypical environmental sound (another type of unexplainable dream event).

      Updated 09-03-2015 at 04:17 PM by 1390

      Tags: dog
      lucid , nightmare , memorable