Ruesia's Dream Journal

had this dream 2 nights ago. Only fragments

I was out on a tarmac. It was sunny. But not too hot. I was with my partner. We had a blanket out and were just laying in the asphalt, relaxing. I kept asking if we were going to get in trouble. He kept saying no.

Then two naked girls came running toward us. Maybe in their early 20s. In a blind panic. People were following them. And I turned to my partner in horror and started screaming "Noooooo".

---

He wouldn't talk to me. He was a suspect in the girls disappearance. Could lose his job. Blamed me.

---

I was following him. I had to talk to him. I followed him to a resort style bathroom/spa room. He rented it for an hour. I snuck in. He found me. He started to yelll and I was apologizing. He backed me in to the shower room and I was scared. Then he knocked me in to the tub and started to take my clothes off. It was about that time the resort staff member barged in.

Fragment from last night 5/21

I was in an old house. It was dark. There were lights but the electricity wasn't on. I was with a younger man; maybe in his 30s or 40s. I was following him around. Like we were looking for something. He said we were going to split up. He'd go upstairs and I could wait down. I was looking through the kitchen when I heard shuffling. Somehow I knew there was something inside. A few of them. Undead. Zombies? I was frozen with fear. I was looking around for something to defend myself but it was dark and I didn't want to make noise. I wanted to shout but I was afraid I'd be discovered by the creatures.

I heard him upstairs moving around. I didn't want him to be caught. So I started looking for a knife or broom and whimpered as loud as I could which was no more than a choked shriek "Kelvin!!!" Nothing. Again. It felt like my lungs would close. "keeeelllviiiin"

And then he was there. And I was saved. He was an expert hunter of these creatures. He would save me.

Fragment #2 from 5/21

I was out on property I've been here before in a dream. The horses were in the pasture. It was misty. Morning. A haze settled over everything. Trees lined the fields. Crisp but not too cold. My sister was out catching a horse and then I see her drop the lead and she is running. Running at a sprint toward me. I'm in the other pasture across th fence. She is waving her arms behind her. Shouting. But I can't make it out. Then I see a figure in the most. And I hear my sister shout "its grandma Adams".

My stomach sinks. My veins are ice. I am running for the gate. The figure in the distance is running toward us now. I scream for my sister to hurry. She dashes through the gate as I reach it. So does the figure. I slam it shut and latch it, then leap back. The woman standing there looks like her. But it can't be.

Time has passed. Some other family members are there. We are inside. The figure is seated. She is talking. The voice sounds right. Everyone listens. She answers questions. Who is she. Who are her sisters. Who are we. She answers it all. But how?

I get up. I'm upset. This is not her. She died. Years ago. How can she be here? She died. Almost 10 years ago. This can't be. And I say it. To her face. It isn't you. It isn't you. It isn't you.

night of March 19

I was visiting a family. They were either distant relatives or family friends. I knew them but not well. I stayed for a night. The home was out in a desert basin. Flat as far as the eye could see with a range of mountains in th distance. Their own little oasis. They had a large home for a large family. A few children or maybe grandchildren were there. At one point they showed me their basement downstairs. It was their play area-- for reading or board games and other fun. The kids would take their iPads and laptops down there to play as well.

The next morning I was getting ready to leave. I was sad about going. They asked if I wanted to eat some ice cream before I left. Then joked it was hours to the closest ice cream shop and they didn't have any there. They also seemed reluctant to have me go. We were standing out by my rental car. The mother said something about a realtor or someone coming to look at the house. Someone of authority. Not exactly welcome.

About that time we heard an engine whining in the distance. Really being pushed. Sound carried across the flat land. We all looked at each other a bit puzzled. It was around that time we heard what sounded like a canon going off. We saw 10-15 trails go in to the sky. It was early morning or dusk-- the sky was relatively dark. These red trails like fireworks streaked up in to th sky. And then in the distance-- hundreds of miles, we saw a bright orange cloud lift from the ground. It was mushroom shaped. And the mood changed dramatically. And the whine of that engine in the distance was more ominous.

About that time one of the red dots in the sky impacted near the mountain range and we saw the cloud racing acrossed the desert. "Get inside!" Screeched the father and we all ran toward the door. I don't remember how, but next thing I knew we were inside holding lanterns and climbing down in to the basement. In case the lights went out.

I was with the young kids and ushering them in, cooing and promising it would be alright. And then we waited. The kids realized first that the internet was down. We hadn't even heard anything.

We sat down in the basement and wondered what it was like upstairs. Eventually we opened the door and looked out. The house was dark. With nightfall. But there was an orange glow coming from outside. Several windows were broken and there were holes in the curtains covering them. It was like glowing embers lit the night sky. We then wondered what happened to the person in the vehicle coming and heard a voice from the couch say "I'm right here".

Everything was covered in soot and ash and outside the world was orange and burned.

this wasn't a dream but it also was--- I kept seeing my dream after waking or feeling like I was awake

I heard this voice whisper "Hhhheeeyyyyyy". A younger mans voice. Low tone. Not a whisper but low. And I opened my eyes and saw someone sitting at the foot of my bed. Just a shadow- a silhouette. And my own gasp is what scared me most, it made it feel real. I remember feeling the air coming in to my lungs. And then I ducked below my covers for about 5 seconds before I turned on my lamp. But no one was there.

My heart rate was over 110. Definitely gave me a scare. Never had that happen-- seeing things when awake.

Night of 12/2/16. One of several dreams

I'm walking out toward the ocean. Somewhere unfamiliar. I have to cross a narrow swinging bridge to get to the beach. It is sunny out with a few lazy clouds. When I reach the other side to descend I realize the stairs have no railing. A young man on the other side is coming up with his friend and staring uncertainly at the bridge swaying. I say something like "If you made it up those stairs behind you this bridge is nothing". He still seemed skeptical. I realize I am wearing a dress and consider how I'm going to make it down the stairs. Several steps have crumbled away over time so it will require much balance and some jumping. Beneath the stairs are several young men. Beach goers. Regulars. They have a stereo and are painting. Or building with sand. Some artistic folley. I realize I can actually climb down from the top step and land in the sand so I do that more gracefully than leaping down the whole stair case.

When I land I realize the young men are putting on a performance of sorts. I duck and hide behind them for a second then skirt around toward the sea and the pier. And there are the tide pools. For which this area is famous. And there are many people in the pools. They are in a cavern of sorts. Just dim light flowing through here and there. And more one enormous pool that is shallow and full of strange flora and fauna. I start across the pool. I have no shoes. I step on a sea urchin but it doesn't phase me. I'm running now and loving it. People look up at me but don't stop what they're doing.

I play in the pools. Seeing the animals and looking at the plants. It is around this time I realize it has started to get dark. And the rule is not to be in the pools at night. Not because of the tide but because of the animals. I'm quickly making my way back toward the staircase and a group of small prey animals run by. They skitter in to the brush as a light shines from behind me. I follow suit and leap in the brush. Hunters brace the night. Poachers rather. I am lying in the grass when I see a big cat-- perhaps a lion? Coming up from behind us. It is looking at one of the prey animals and I am scared but also not willing to distract it so it kills me. It pounces and as it does I jerk and it turns its attention to me.

Had this dream last week and didn't document. only remember fragments.

I am with copper and his coworkers and we are walking in a desert. it is hot. and we have been walking for awhile. there are about 4-5 of us. Im not quite sure why I am with him. he seems to be on duty. they are working. in their uniforms. and we get to this cage of sorts. it is surrounded by chainlink and there are vines everywhere (almost like grape vines) and there is a wooden structure. the roof is sagging. and we have to go through. get past this. because there is no other way than through. and so I seem to be the smallest-- maybe that is why I am there. the shortest, that is. and so they think I can fit over the roof and climb over and open the door. because it is blocked from them going through. so they hoist me up and I break through the vines and through the rafters and I am walking up above them all. and then -- I don't know. is it a bomb? is it just the structure? but it all explodes. it caves in. implodes, may be a better word. and I am knocked out. I guess. because when I wake up and I am next to what was the structure and hear a helicopter and I see people going through the rubble and somehow I know its copper theyre pulling out. and I see them pull him in to the cage they have under the helicopter and start hoisting it up and I run over and see the paramedic or fireman or whoever he is and he has tears in his eyes and I just stare at him and he screams above the noise and the dust "we don't know...we don't know if he is going to make it". and I feel my stomach drop. and the paramedic jumps on the cage. I don't know what to do or say. I see the helicopter reel him in and then it speeds off.

and then I am at an abandoned mall of sorts. its quiet. no one there. maybe its just closed. the marble-style floors and benches. very white. walls are white. floors are white. its very clean. plants. fancy. maybe even a hotel style lobby.

and we are all waiting. and I see one of coppers coworkers. he was fine. and ask him if he knows anything. and he says they're still working. still trying. and I just don't know what to say or do. I don't know why im not there. but I get the feeling its because of the nature of that mission. and I just rock back and forth and think how im going to live without copper. how I am going to cope with losing him. how I cant fathom this. how I have no way to handle this. my mind is full and my mouth is cotton and I am rocking and trying to act like im ok. like ive got this. but inside I am lost. I am absolutely crushed. I didn't get to say goodbye. I cant lose him.

night of 10/18/16

I waited to long to log so now there are just wisps of information....

----

I am in a neutral colored room. Tans and creams and browns. There is a flat, cushioned table in the middle. like you might see at a doctors office or massage parlor. there are a group of people here. official looking individuals in professional attire. and then others-- in brown suits. almost like scrubs?

and they lead a woman up to the table and have her lay down and shes talking rapidly and I am standing there and watch as they take out a needle and she continues to talk quickly and they inject her and she just stops and flops back. and then some other people walk in and pick her up and haul her out. and so it continues. they lead people to the table and they inject them and then they carry them away.

and then I guess my--client? my person. my friend? im not sure-- but he is up next. I don't recognize him. we are friendly but we don't know each other very well. and I step up to the table and he is nervous. and I can see it in his eyes. and he reaches his hand out and I just instinctually grab it. and he is tense. like a coiled snake. ready to leap. but they all have shackles on. and so they can't leap. and I feel the moment is drawing near. no one is really talking. we are communicating with eye contact alone and through the tense nature of his fingers digging in to my hand. and I try to soothe him. somehow this is my role. to soothe him.

and inside I know he is going to die. for something. perhaps this is a new form of lethal injection. but my role is to be the soother. and so I am soothing him. but inside my heart feels like it is breaking. I cant do this. I feel lost. I feel sick. I don't want him to die. and they walk up and he tries to pull away. and I want to intervene but I know I cant. and his eyes are boring in to my soul.

and he mouths "I love you...." and I mouthe "I love you too". Soothing? Or do I truly care for this person? Part of me feels like we are friendly. like he means something to me. like I don't want him to die.

and then the men in the professional dress walk up with their needle and I am pushed back and I don't want to watch but I have to watch and they start injecting but instead of immediately flapping back, the man just starts to convulse. and scream. and the man in the business attire doesn't know what to do and glances at his colleague. and I ask whats going on and no one can answer and my friend/client is flopping around and screaming. and I ask if this has happened before. and the professionals just say "we do about 6 a day and this hasn't happened".

and somehow time passes. and my 'friend'/client survived and no one knows what to do with him because he was sentenced or committed to death. and there is a second attempt but this time there are so many people there. everyone wants to see the man that cheated death. and I am angry because I can't get to my friend. and I think "where were you all the first time? you didn't even care!'

and I am running from room to room trying to find my friend and so alarmed I won't be there for him and worrying that he'll be alone-- even though he is surrounded by all these hundreds of people. that he'll die and think I forgot him.

---

and then I am going to school. I am a student? I guess. and I am trying to unload my car but I forgot something. and I am running late. and when I walk inside to check in, they ask me if I am here to check in and I know I am in trouble and think I should have just not come at all if I was going to be late. and the lady at the reception desk has a very small man on her lap and I notice he has a really ornate, colorful tattoo on his left arm and I think 'wow how neat'.

and then the alarm went off.

Night of 8/27/16

Fragments.

Big property. In the woods. I've been here before. Horses there. Argument over who owns it.

My husband Copper and I got in a fight. He left. I don't hear from him for 3 weeks. I realize I deleted him from my phone contacts. Have trouble remembering his number in my dream but I do. I call him. He doesn't want to talk to me. Is over us. He is living with his parents again.

I show up. We have words. Can't remember them. He asks if I want to go grocery shopping with him. I realize I don't see his truck. I'm confused. Then he jumps in to a big semi cab. There are several seats and it looks more like the cabin of a space shuttle. And older man climbs in with us. I'm disappointed because I wanted us to have time to talk.

Copper starts to drive. I can't figure out how to buckle myself in to a seat. He's driving and talking with the old man and somehow I mention "well I haven't seen or talked to him in 3 weeks" and the old man starts to talk about marital problems and how it will work out.

And then we go to park but for some reason we now have a trailer behind us and copper leaves the drivers spot to let someone else park and the trailer starts to swing and copper jumps out to fix something on the back of the cab because it's not stabilizing the cab and I realize he's out there and were swinging toward a grove of trees and I jump out to get him clear. But then it crashes and I can't find him.

But then were lost in the woods and There's a community out there and they have taken copper to their healer and he's okay and I'm thinking "oh no I need to call in to work" and I'm trying to email my boss and tell her I won't be in to work. And copper and I are talking and joking about how now he can bring our cat home. And in my dream I get my two cats confused- the one that my husband and I have and the one my ex husband and I have and I can't remember the right name to use.

Night of 8/26

Fragments. I am at a gymnasium. A large area. We are in groups. There is a man there that gave me his coat but then he tells me I stole his watch. That he wants to be on another team.

I leave for awhile and come back and they're dropping a plastic sheet over us. the entire gym. I'm walking in and I am crawling through it. But then as I try to get back there is an opening and a helicopter and I'm having to jump to get there. Grab on to a strap and hang until we get close and drop. The pilot says it's gonna be a wet drop and for the ladies to watch their hats.

We land and it's like a mall. I am at a big hotel conference. It's Yosemite? Because the Awahnee is there. But it's been rebuilt. From a fire. And I am arguing with someone over it being a rebuild. I go to get back to my room-- and then I see Gus. I think it's him. Talking. But I know he should be dead. And i am standing there and sad but he's showing a couple how to fry bacon and how he's perfected the skill. And there is a man there--he is someone special to me? We are friends. And he is in uniform. And he takes off his over shirt to cover me because I'm cold. And I thank him. And then as we go he tells me he needs to put it back on.

And then a while has passed and we are at another event and the manager or assistant or whoever he is to Gus tells us that he isn't set up for the show, that something happened. So I grab my friends hand and we run.

And we are running trying to find Gus. We've moved through time. I've been here before. The day he died. And we are running down these big halls and buildings and I keep saying "not here-- it's up ahead". And then I say "I hope he's there. Last time they weren't there." Like I'd been able to be at the death site before but the body was gone.

And then we get nearby and I see him. Or maybe his ghost. Our front. And he is sitting in an open tomb and he is muttering to himself. That he doesn't know what's going on. He's incoherent. And I just start to sob and i don't understand. And then my friend-- the uniform friend-- and then he says "look--- 'you will know it's me by the cracks in march'" and he's pointing to the sidewalk or to a structure I can't remember and there are cracks of age and I start to cry harder and I say "he's still here---- he's still here" and I reach out to his ghost and stroke it and say "you came back."

-- woke up crying

First dream night of 6/19/16. Second dream occurred earlier in June 2016

Bits and pieces of dream fragments. I was at my old home in Denair. I was in the back pasture. I was looking at my neighbors home. Nothing had changed. I was looking around the pasture and just-- home.

Then I was on a trip. We were at a large event. I was with class mates? Peers? We all needed to be seated in fold down seat chairs for the event. I found my spot, the seats were assigned. The seat to my left was vacant. We neared the start of the program and my seat mate arrived. He had prosthetic legs and used braces on his arms to get around. He asked if I could help by folding down the seat for him. Or maybe he didn't ask and I asked him. But, I helped him by pushing the seat down and he was able to ambulate in to the chair. Next thing I know, we are done. The event is over. And we are waiting for the bus to pick us up to take us to our next location.

My seat mate said he wanted to stand up and move around a little bit. So, I offered to stand with him. We were talking. I felt fond. Like he was a brother or a dear friend, even though I barely knew him. It was getting dark out. We were talking like old friends and I remember touching his shoulder and feeling comfortable. Not like we were strangers.

I knew his name was Landon. Somehow. We were quickly becoming friends. And then we heard the bus start and watched it pull away. And I exclaimed and then grabbed my phone. I told Landon not to worry. That they must have just forgotten us. And I called the instructor and told her she'd left us behind. SHe was cross but I explained I was waiting with Landon and he needed to stand up --- because of...yknow. It was awkward. He was standing there with me. She said they'd turn around. I turned to Landon and told him it'd be okay. They were turning around and coming back to get us.

------

I was on a trip. My father and sister were there. We were in a hotel room. Had somehwere to go the next day. But we were in San Francisco and I kept begging them to go out with me. Let's go! So I finally convinced them to go see the Golden Gate Bridge with me. We walked. The start of the bridge began as a tunnel, instead of on top of land. There was a special entrance for pedestrians to walk from the tunnel up to the bridge. So, we were walking on the bridge and I was so happy, when suddenly it started to shudder. People started running back toward us. A frenzy. I turned and we all started to run back toward land. The bridge was swaying violently. There was panic and everyone was stampeding. My sister was beside me, my dad behind. As we reached the end of the bridge and to the tunnel, it cracked and water started to bubble up. My sister and I leapt. We all leapt. We came tumbling down on the other side in the little bunker/tunnel. Behind us there were groans of metal and water. Spewing everywhere. A jagged heap of twisted iron. You could hear screams of people trapped. But, the metal continued to sink and then it was just rushing water bubbling around the metal.

It was then I looked around and realized my dad was nowhere to be seen. I turned to my sister and we didn't need to say anything. We didn't have to say a word because we both knew. My stomach fluttered. Emergency crews began to show up and started to put blankets around survivors and I was numb. I couldn't think. All I could think about is how I left him behind. How he'd probably stayed behind to help someone. That I hadn't stopped to make sure he was with us. That I'd just run in sheer blind panic and didn't stop.

The emergency crew said it was too dangerous to go in to the water with the bridge still unstable. They said the bodies were likely gone- under all the sediment and iron. They did not have hopes of recovering them. The personnel began to escort us somewhere else. To a common area so we could continue to process. I made the call to my mom. I don't remember what I said but it was awful. I couldn't stop crying. She was very short and abrupt.

Time passed. And I was still numb. It wasn't real. It hadn't happened. Had it? I went back to visit the site. The bridge had been rebuilt and corrected but they kept the old section there- for memories. I went down to the tunnel and there was a sign up with the names of those lost that day. It wasn't real. I couldn't feel. I just stared at his name on the sign and cried. How could this happen? How could I leave him behind? How could I just selfishly run?

A few days after having this dream, my sister and father were unexpectedly flying across country and had a flight cancelled that caused them to be stranded in Texas. I picked them up and we were watching a Warriors game on TV, who's team logo is the Golden Gate Bridge. I told them about my dream and we considered it a bad omen for the game. The Warriors ended up losing.

Dream January 7 2016:
I was hanging out with my fiances boss. Almost like we were romantically involved. He was talking about introducing me to his kids. And i was thinking "This is wrong, Im engaged to your corporal". And as Im trying to leave, another corporal shows up and he starts trying to make a move on me, pins me down on a couch and I get away from him but this insults him. And so I leave and he's following me and for some reason Im at the PD and the corporal tells an officer I refused him so she starts following me. And Im running through a parking lot and she is taking video of me. To show Im....I dont know...unstable? Where I am? Im not sure. And Im running up to people pleading for help and they see the officer and they point me to her. And she finally catches up with me in a dark corner of an alley and she pulls out this old rusty knife and comes at me and I panic and we fight and somehow I get the knife and she's on the ground and I saw her throat open. And then I stand and theres blood all over the knife (but its white almost like milk) and I throw it in the dirt and try to wipe it off and theres a rag nearby so I wrap it and start wiping it off and a man sees me, who appears homeless, and he just nods and I run. I run to an upstairs business which is apparently run by a religious organization and I hear sirens so I tell them I have a knife Im trying to hide from my mother because it is sinful and Ive used it to self harm. And they lecture me. And then they ask to see the knife and tells me its very unique because police issued and then the police make their way to the building Im in. And then.....my alarm goes off.

I did not log this apparently. It occurred within the last 6 months

I am at my house and SO has gone to work. And I am watching the news. And there are weird reports out. Power outages and such. And, I have to take my dad to the airport. So, we get in the car and we get to the airport and are waiting in this huge, expansive room waiting on his flight and there are planes landing and suddenly I see a plane out of sequence and it is careening toward the ground. And my dad and I are standing there and I yell at him to run. And he is confused and I just start to sprint and he follows me and the huge plane, perhaps a 747 or something similar, clips its wing in the parking lot and the wing disintegrates and it continues to drag itself toward the airport building and we are running and debris is falling from the sky. And somehow we don't get struck and somehow we are able to avoid it as the body of the plane skids up to the building and stops in the middle of this grand hall of sorts. And there are no people moving and I take off running to the plane to try to help. And then a man in a uniform stops me and tells me I can't go further. That it is off limits. And my dad shows up and we don't know whats going on and I realize SO was working and I worry he got hurt in this. And so I realize I lost my phone and ask for my dad's but I can't remember SO's number. I dial and dial but don't get through to him. And I am panicking and worried and convinced he is hurt and even though I know I have no car and I am miles from home, I have to get to him. Because the phone is not working. So I take off and I am walking and know I have several more miles to go. But I have to. I have to.

Had this dream the night of January 3, 2016

I remember I am at a big box store. I have purchased several things but I don't know where I parked my car. I have an infant with me that I am carrying in a car seat like carrier, with the long handle. I know it is mine. It is only a few days old. Very tiny and pink. I am very protective of this infant. I ask a man working if I can set down my items (I have a ladder with me) so I can get my car and not have to carry it. He points to a place I can set it by the garden area. I walk out and find my car and drive off. I can't remember...I think I run some errands. I do something else. And, then I realize I left the baby with the things. And I panic. I know I have to tell my partner. I drive to the big box store and walk inside and frantically make my way to the garden area only to realize its a different store. I walk toward the front and my partner is there asking where our baby is. There is a daycare area of sorts at the front with several small infants and I frantically look for our son but he is not there. They are not him.

I start to cry and tell my partner I left the baby at the store but I don't remember which. He gets very angry with me. We pull out a map and start to look for all the big box stores. I keep looking in Fresno without realizing I am in Texas. I cry uncontrollably. Where is my son? What have I done? And how will my partner ever forgive me? I realize this is the end of the relationship.

Dream on 5/10/15. Severe thunderstorm sirens woke me up and I had trouble falling back to sleep. Finally did around 7:30 AM CST

I was walking. I'd been here before. This place. In the countryside. I was walking with others and we were looking for something.

As we'd been driving, the power went out on the street. And, everyone's cars stalled. Except some got stuck in acceleration mode and were slamming in to other vehicles. I kept flicking the key on my car. Then the car in front of me started to accelerate. And it started to push the nose of my car. But it was a powerful car and mine was rather small so it started to tip my car as it accelerated. And like that, my lights came back on the car and the engine started and I quickly drove up on to the curb and turned right at the intersection. and I am driving and it is pitch black because no one's lights are working and the power in the neighborhood is out and I am having to speed across intersections to avoid cars that are stuck on accelerate. And I'm driving and colliding with other vehicles but still going. And then there is a big crash and my car flips on to its nose and then rocks back down.

The next moment of cognizance I am walking with a group of people. Yes, the place I know. And we see another few people walking and decide to go talk to them. to see if they know whats going on. and they are saying they dont know, the power went out and everything went kind of chaotic. houses and apartments look like theyve been looted. and we climb this fence and the veranda at this house is open and the curtains are blowing and everyone says we should go talk to this man inside because he knows whats going on. and so i make my way back with the group. and we enter this back room and everyones talking and they point at this man and say ask him. but as we're talking someone starts getting weird. their pupils dilate and their face screws up and they get this insane expression. and they start to pant heavily and look around and lick their lips. and im like...what is going on . and then she makes this awful noise, this guttural croak, and she dives at someone that had walked in with me and started snapping at their face. and of course we're surprised so we kind of push her off and think its just...something strange. with her. she's lost it. but then we start hearing others panting and look around and their pupils are dilating. i grab a few people and we get in to a closet and close the door. and watch as the others with the crazy expressions start to take bites of flesh and skin off people's faces. and blood is spurting everywhere. and they devour those people. and here we sit in this closet watching and horrified and trying not to make a sound.

but in 20 minutes or so, they snap out of it. their pupils return to normal and they clean themselves off and are talking again. and so, without any other option, i open the door and walk out and they all ask me why we're in there and start joking and talking. like nothing went wrong.

so we live like that. because its like their status of insanity goes dormant for awhile. and they have no memory of what they did. but there are some that hunt those of us that aren't like them. because they can only eat those that aren't crazy when their insanity is triggered. so we have to mimic them....and i think to myself as im trying to make their noises and even pretending to bite others and smear blood on myself that we're the true crazy ones that are knowingly attacking and preying on others to avoid detection.

and time passes and those that are 'normal', per se, dwindle. and we are hunted. and people look back on 'that time' before this and ask how people lived. for most of this time, the power is still off and nothing mechanical works. so, we have to relearn how to survive.

and then i am in a household. where ive been living this whole time. avoiding detection. and i walk in and see two people tied up on this altar. the wealthy owner of this house is going to have a sacrifice later. because finding the normal ones is so rare nowadays that these feasts are only for the elite. and i see their sad eyes but act like its nothing and walk by. and i see many men shuffle in. because for some reason, during this transition, women were only allowed to survive two to a household. and some, even the crazies, were sacrificed. i dont know why. thats just how it is. so women are less common and we are not considered as strong. maybe because we aren't as violent during the moments of insanity as the men.

so the two tied up are sacrificed and i walk in on the lady of the house getting off watching this. because shes not allowed to eat them with the men. and im horrified. and i notice another girl in the room, another maid of sorts, is also horrified. and i know somehow that she is like me. and so we talk in hushed voices and i confirm. and i tell her to go hide in a closet. but the men--- they all decide to come up to the lady's room. and so we're stuffed in this closet and hiding under a blanket and all the men are walking by. and we know we must get away. so i tell the girl we must act and be brave and we can get to safety.

the men are starting to yearn for the crazy, you see. they like that state of mind. it makes them feel powerful. so they are always on the hunt.

so, we get to a top floor where the corridor is blocked off from people coming and we sit and wait. and she tells me of others. so we agree to go meet them. and so we sneak out later and walk the roads and its dark except for fires and torches burning on people's properties. and we are meeting in the dark talking about what we can do. to make it safe again. and as we're talking we realize a lot of foot traffic nearby. and we see another big altar in the middle of a meadow and they're sacrificing others. and here is a group of 10-15 girls and we are all normals. so we begin to panic.

and then we are running and being chased. and the sun is coming up. but this is our plan. we have a plan. so i am racing along this apartment complex. leaping from balcony to balcony and on to stair cases. and there are hundreds of men racing after me. those guttural roars from their mouth and their eyes so wild. and they are grasping at my ankles and shoulders but i am running along a wiring cage and they can't quite reach me. and as im running, im cutting wires and the metal is falling down and hitting people below. i am several stories up.

and im running and pass a husky dog sitting there and look at him and think thats odd. he seems so innocent and sweet. but i keep moving and know what i must do. i near the center of the complex and there is this rope and i cut it and turn to face the piece of metal that had been held back. it is like an l-shaped pipe that is very sharp. and it slides down with force from above and pierces me in the chest. and the men reach me and begin to feast on me. but i know the dynamite or tnt or whatever it is will go off. and kill them. and maybe be the change that us normals need.

Dream night of 3/8/15. Several fragments.

#1
I was at a port of some sort. I was there with my sister and my SO. We were putting gas in the car. We also had a cat we were picking up. Adopting perhaps? My sister and I took the cat and were walking to the car on this pier and I saw my SO get in the car. It was an older, green, rusty VW Beetle. And then the whole thing blew up. It was sort of blocked by a big warehouse on the pier so I didn't see it but heard it and saw the blast of fire stream out. And I felt numb. And lost. And thought to myself I would never have felt this way for M, but I did for this SO. And how I didn't know what I would do with myself that that he was gone. And I was clutching the cat and just crying. And then I woke up.

#2
I was with my uncle and some of his friends. We were at a relatively shallow riverbed. Crystal clear waters and white sands. It was hard to judge how deep it was but I'd say probably 20-30 feet. And we had these REALLY narrow surf boards. And he was showing us all how to 'surf'. But there wasn't any surf or waves. We actually were more skimboarding along the bank of the river and down in to the bottom. And he lent me a surfboard and I rode the board down to the bottom of the riverbed and looked at all the other 'surfers' down there.

Dream night of 11/12/14. Only fragments.

Weird dream. Was getting hay. But, somehow ended up walking back to hay barn then realizing it was restricted area. Tried hiding. Knew I needed to get out of barn and back to my vehicle.

When I finally escaped, I was at a prison/school type setting which has been in my dreams before. There were guards blocking entrances. I swept around the entrance that required admittance and stood by the exit area for the facility. I then noticed my sister. I asked what she was doing there. She told me our mom and dad were inside being held. I was confused. I asked why she was sitting out here. She said she'd been inside but hadn't been able to do anything. There was a fee to go inside and you had to be screened and for some reason, I knew I wouldn't be admitted inside. So I asked if she had a ticket stub from the first time she'd gone in. She handed it to me. I walked up to the exit lady and told her I'd forgotten something inside. She seemed nice. I tried to tell her I really needed to get back inside and had JUST come out, didn't want to stand in line again. So she agreed and told me to hurry.

At this point, my sister mentions my dad had tried to hang himself in his cell with sheets and my mom was still in the initial admittance phase for the facility.