Ruesia's Dream Journal

night of 10/18/16

I waited to long to log so now there are just wisps of information....

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I am in a neutral colored room. Tans and creams and browns. There is a flat, cushioned table in the middle. like you might see at a doctors office or massage parlor. there are a group of people here. official looking individuals in professional attire. and then others-- in brown suits. almost like scrubs?

and they lead a woman up to the table and have her lay down and shes talking rapidly and I am standing there and watch as they take out a needle and she continues to talk quickly and they inject her and she just stops and flops back. and then some other people walk in and pick her up and haul her out. and so it continues. they lead people to the table and they inject them and then they carry them away.

and then I guess my--client? my person. my friend? im not sure-- but he is up next. I don't recognize him. we are friendly but we don't know each other very well. and I step up to the table and he is nervous. and I can see it in his eyes. and he reaches his hand out and I just instinctually grab it. and he is tense. like a coiled snake. ready to leap. but they all have shackles on. and so they can't leap. and I feel the moment is drawing near. no one is really talking. we are communicating with eye contact alone and through the tense nature of his fingers digging in to my hand. and I try to soothe him. somehow this is my role. to soothe him.

and inside I know he is going to die. for something. perhaps this is a new form of lethal injection. but my role is to be the soother. and so I am soothing him. but inside my heart feels like it is breaking. I cant do this. I feel lost. I feel sick. I don't want him to die. and they walk up and he tries to pull away. and I want to intervene but I know I cant. and his eyes are boring in to my soul.

and he mouths "I love you...." and I mouthe "I love you too". Soothing? Or do I truly care for this person? Part of me feels like we are friendly. like he means something to me. like I don't want him to die.

and then the men in the professional dress walk up with their needle and I am pushed back and I don't want to watch but I have to watch and they start injecting but instead of immediately flapping back, the man just starts to convulse. and scream. and the man in the business attire doesn't know what to do and glances at his colleague. and I ask whats going on and no one can answer and my friend/client is flopping around and screaming. and I ask if this has happened before. and the professionals just say "we do about 6 a day and this hasn't happened".

and somehow time passes. and my 'friend'/client survived and no one knows what to do with him because he was sentenced or committed to death. and there is a second attempt but this time there are so many people there. everyone wants to see the man that cheated death. and I am angry because I can't get to my friend. and I think "where were you all the first time? you didn't even care!'

and I am running from room to room trying to find my friend and so alarmed I won't be there for him and worrying that he'll be alone-- even though he is surrounded by all these hundreds of people. that he'll die and think I forgot him.

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and then I am going to school. I am a student? I guess. and I am trying to unload my car but I forgot something. and I am running late. and when I walk inside to check in, they ask me if I am here to check in and I know I am in trouble and think I should have just not come at all if I was going to be late. and the lady at the reception desk has a very small man on her lap and I notice he has a really ornate, colorful tattoo on his left arm and I think 'wow how neat'.

and then the alarm went off.