false awakening

I'm a little confused about this WILD thing, but I think this is my second time doing it. It's not quite like I thought it would be.

Anyway, I laid down on my couch about an hour ago and simply closed my eyes, thinking about lucid dreaming. I tried to keep them closed and not pay attention to what was going on around me. My fiancee had come and sat down beside me for a moment, when he realized I was asleep, he went and turned on his video game. I wasn't sleeping just yet, but I didn't want to be bothered.

Soon I was having strange thoughts that only made sense for a second, and I was getting vague images. I think I noticed I was asleep when I felt my fingers tingling. It was still blackness in front me. I reached my hand up and lightly brushed my face. The sensation was amazingly real. I thought for a moment I was sleepwalking in a way, but I quickly shut that thinking up because usually, when I start to worry about my body making movements in my sleep, I wake up.

The first thing I really remember doing is sitting at my computer and pushing my fingers through one another and my head. It was so weird. It made me start thinking about energy, like, how people feel energy when we're not asleep.

This entire dream I basically explored my house and it was really fun. I live in a trailer, so, you might be able to imagine the layout. We have a really long hallway and fake wood paneling throughout the house. I never went into the kitchen in the dream, but I walked down the long hallway that leads to mine and my fiancee's bedroom, where my son was sleeping.

I suppose in my head I really felt like what I did might affect my awake fiancee and son. So I chose not to go into the bedroom for fear of making him wake me up in real life. When I did get to my bedroom door though, it wasn't there. There was a strange cut out shape of a door, but no door to go through.

I could've still gotten to my bedroom had I went through the bathroom joining the hallway and our room, but I turned around and went into the middle bedroom instead. I was surprised to find it completely empty. There were pieces of yellowish white tape on the wall, in little X's and stuff.

I went back to the living room and my fiancee was laying on the couch. I tried having sex with him. It was normal until I got to his pants. His penis was... like... the size of a baby's penis so I quit because it was disturbing, lol.

I wanted to go outside, but like usual, I had trouble getting there. I didn't want to try the door for some reason. I think I tried going through the ceiling but quickly stopped because I didn't want to wake up.

I had a false awakening. My fiancee was playing his game but everything was dark like it was nighttime. I asked him "Am I still dreaming, baby?" He shook his head. I just kept asking him, "are you sure? I think I'm dreaming. Am I dreaming?" he kept saying no.

I didn't believe him so I looked at my fingers and counted an extra thumb. "You jerk," I said, "I am too."

Just then I noticed the window behind the T.V. (doesn't exist). It was pouring what looked like rain, coming through hard. I got up thinking I should close it. When I got up though it was suddenly snowing inside my house. When I got a close look at the snowflakes, they were tiny music notes. It was so cool. I also saw equations.

This is pretty much all I can remember right now. It didn't last too long, but long enough for me to start getting the hang of my own dream world.

Crazy dreams last night. I'm surprised I even remembered them, they were surprisingly vivid for me being incredibly drunk. I can't remember the order of events really, and I do believe it was all the same dream. I'm just going to log them how I think it might have went.

I remember being at a pool with my son, an indoor pool. Then I was at this house with my sister and she had some friends over. I was standing in a long hallway and her friends were behind me. I thought they were acting kind of stupid, loud and obnoxious. I had walked past them and made a comment about dumb bitches. They started teasing me. I sort of ranted at them for a minute before I realized they were making gestures with their hands on their stomachs. I got the idea that they were saying I was a dumb bitch for like.. having a kid or something. I got pretty pissed off when I thought they were talking about my son. I went up to them, my sister watching with surprise, and I sort of shoved them. "You think I'm a bitch for being a mother?" I said. We started fighting, but for some reason they're movement was slow and predictable. They would swing at me and I just grabbed their hand and misdirected it. Then I took a few swings. Since there were two of them, I got caught up slapping this bitch around that the other one decided to throw a punch. I remember being surprised by it and barely grabbed her hand before it hit my face.

After this, I'm back at the pool, but I had left my son at home for some reason. I was checking the place out before I went back to get him and I see this girl that used to work with me and she had two kids with her. She said something about sitting around the house got boring. There were a bunch of computers set up, like library computers, next to the pool. Everyone was playing the sims, like it was some kind of lan party. Tommy Chong was there and some other old hippie lady that I recognized IN the dream, but have no idea who she was now. There was some conspiracy about the sims and they were getting riled up about it, like someone had been messing them up. I had sat down at one of the computers at one time and was playing the sims, but I had to log on. I had asked someone next to me how we save the game and they raised their eyebrows. Then they asked me if I had an EA account. I said yea, and typed it in. I get up to go outside and I realize I'm on the college campus. I started to walk home and after about a block I turned right and there was an empty parking lot and across from it was a tall fence that had a bunch of houses behind it. A car comes from around the corner of the fence. It's these guys that look like they're all in their 30's. They were like, small-time business types. All wearing polos. The driver was yelling at me and they were all laughing making fun of me. They wouldn't leave me and they were moving along slowly beside me and kept yelling things. Finally I decided to pick up a few rocks and throw it at their car. The car was shiny silver, sort of looked like a bmw, Idk. I threw the rocks one at a time and they hit, but not very hard. The driver finally speeded up.

Don't remember much else, at the moment. Except I think I went back to the pool and those guys in the car had apparently been harrassing people around these parts. Strange crazy dreams. I also seemed to have a false awakening. I had gotten out of bed and went and got a glass of water with a LOT of ice and could've swore I had a conversation with my fiance about the details from last night's drunkeness. I woke up with deja vu and went and got a glass of water and talked to my fiance. lol Crazy night.

shit. =) I'm so excited, I just had several lucids and false awakenings within a two hour period! I guess MILD really does work, two a few days of it! Too much happened in the dreams, but this was the most LUCID I've ever been. I finally could clear my vision and really communicate with the people in my dreams, even though none of them seemed interested in talking to me =(

I'll give you the highlights! My favorite part was me and a couple of friends were in an apartment building going UP and the elevator was tuggin along slowly and we were all looking at eachother wondering if it was about to give out. Sure enough, it started falling slowly at first back down, I told them not to move too much and as we neared the bottom, or after so much suspense, I was like WAIT A MINUTE. I put my hand out flat in front of me and willed the elevator to stop. It stopped and then I started pushing us up towards the top, but I told them to crawl out this window real quick just in case.

Another part I'm at my house and a bunch of family is coming over. I knew I was dreaming when my uncle showed up, cause he would NEVER come here, I doubt it anyway. He walked to the door and handed me two bags of trash that have been sitting on our porch for a day. (No, really, it's our trailer trash... =/) Anyway, I rolled my eyes and noticed it was all wet outside, I grabbed the trash and said "I was JUST getting ready to take this out." I go out of the house and sit down by a puddle of water. Just enjoying the lucidity. Looking around. Unfortunately I can't remember what I saw. Anyway, a lot of things happened, but I'm gonna quit right here. Just saying MILD was a SUCCESS.

About forty-five minutes after falling asleep I woke up after having a little dream. I'm not sure if it was a hallucination because I was trying a WILD, but in the dream I was going to bed. T was sitting in our chair and he was playing video games, I think. But the chair was sitting diagonally in front of the door. I went to say goodnight, and I kissed him. Then I thought he had said, do you want to dance? I was like what. And he said do you want to live or die? I realized that I had mistaken dance for die. Then I laughed because he seemed so serious, like I had irritated him somehow. I said don't fuck with me right now I'm drunk. I ran to the bedroom but it was kind of like bouncing, I was scared but laughing hoping it was a joke. When I got to the bedroom, I jumped in the air to land on the bed on my belly, but I didn't land. I started falling through the bed and I think I had made myself wake up. Like I was somehow conscious but I never thought about it. Then I had a false awakening, but that's all I remember about that.

After I had a long dream, but by now I only remember parts. I was with an old friend and something about a dress she didn't want anymore that I wanted to give away. But she wanted me to hold on to it so that she could wear it again sometime. I went to what I had called in the dream JC Penney and I went it but it was kind of like a small town DMV office. So I was waiting and I was on the phone and lit a cigarette. There was a guy trying to tell me to not smoke and finally I realized they had changed the smoking policy. So I apologized and was going to go outside but I didn't want to so I finished the cigarette real quck. Then I was sitting in a chair and I remember telling someone something and I was very direct about it but I can't remembe what I was saying. There was a guy sitting next to that person who I had went to school with a long time ago but he looked older. I could tell he was trying to picture this new me and that's what I had been thinking about when I was talking. Very confusing. I'll just end it here.

and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to save it.

My reality resides in my dreams...
and this is the nightmare I wake up to.