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I better type this up while it's fairly fresh in my mind. I laid down to nap, originally planning on just sleeping, but I don't think I CAN sleep during the day anymore. What I mean is, every time I want to rest or nap during the day, I end up lucid dreaming. And, that's cool, but it kind of sucks that I can't just have some regular sleep. If anyone has any idea about what's up with that, then please PM me or comment.

These lucid naps are pretty much always wake-initiated. I closed my eyes and pushed everything out of my mind. I realized that it was likely I was going to become lucid, so I decided to think of where I wanted to be... somewhere peaceful, like a beach. So I kept pushing thoughts from my mind and kept the beach at bay, so to speak. It seriously took like 10 seconds of keeping a clear mind before the outlines of waves and a beach began to form. At first it was like a little kid's drawing, but it started to become more vivid and three dimensional. However, before it got any color, I noticed fins in the water. D: The scene had been corrupted. (I am terrified of the ocean and sharks are the #1 reason). So, thanks, mind.

So I started to picture somewhere else and unfortunately I ended up at my job. Part of the time I was lucid, and partly not. It was like I kept forgetting that I was lucid, but I could remember that today was my day off, which it is, so I wasn't actually working, but just going around mingling with people. The significant part of this whole napping session was a guy I used to go to school with. I was always a little mean to him because he was kind of arrogant, thought he was hot, and funny, and always hit on me. anyway... I saw him in my dream, and he wasn't speaking to me, the way people who don't like each other don't, and I was lucid, so I just stared at him for a while. And he looked so real, like down to the last freckle, which I wouldn't know about, but there was just so much detail in his face. And he finally made eye contact with me and when he did, I sincerely apologized. I didn't say what for, I just said.. I am sorry and I maintained that eye contact. This DC recognized my sincerity and appeared to be touched. He smiled, but quickly his eyes morphed into demonic black almonds. Which freaked me out, so I woke up. This was like somewhere in the middle of this nap session.

The reason I say session is that I woke up several times. At one point, I literally had one eye open, although I suppose both were actually open, but I was seeing into my actual waking world, and also into the dream world. However, this could have just been an entire dream, but it felt very real, like yes, lucid dreams feel real, but when you're actually awake (at least most of us) you can see the difference, can't you? I can.

I believe I can anyway. I felt exactly like I do now, typing this, but I was also dreaming full on with my other eye. Isn't that crazy! It was also happening with my ears. In my left ear, I could hear my son's rain sound maker and in the other I was listening to people talk in my dream. I don't know. It's crazy.

It's so weird how dream characters are supposed to be simply our own projections, but at the same time, they seem like individuals with their own consciousness. I hate it when I tell a DC that this is all a dream anyway and it doesn't matter, and they look at me like I discovered some super secret and now they're gonna kill me. Anyone else feel that?

Alright. That's that for today.

I don't know what to make of this. I've always said that we're the best interpretations of our own dreams, but this... is beyond my scope.

I'm not sure what this would be classified, or if it matters, but...

The Sun went supernova in my dream. I had a slight warning in my dream and I'm not sure how I found out, but the sun started to become a red tint. Someone or something told me that it was about to explode, and I don't think I was around my sons, but I was around people. I was really scared at first, but I knew I didn't have time to be scared and instead I accepted my fate. I knew we would all burn up and it would be quick, so I just waited for it to happen.

And then it happened and I only remember seeing a red ball with a little + sign next to it, like you would see on a worksheet in school about neurons or something. And I remember seeing my skin become red and then I woke up. I know we all died, but I just... it was crazy.

I even wondered if I was dreaming, and tried to wake up, but I couldn't wake up so I thought it was real and I just let it be. It was a peaceful dream, even as terrifying as it would sound.

Been a long time since I've logged a dream, and this one was worth noting. Any thoughts or interpretations are welcome.. It's always nice to hear what other people think.

I knew it was time for a nap so I shut off the game that has been keeping me up at night and laid down on the couch. Everytime I lay down for a nap during the day I'm always reminded of becoming lucid in my sleep. If I keep it up, I could really get the hang of it.

Anyway, I shut my eyes and it really didn't take long before I felt that occasional buzz in my head (you know, that strange vibration as you're falling asleep, usually when your body is falling faster than you).

At first, and since I was intending to lucid dream, I tried to rush it a bit. The hypnogogia was crazy intense. In fact, I'm not sure if what I"ve had before was even hypnogogia before now. I remember seeing skylines and something else I can't recall. I remember something brief about my video game. I was creating a sim but it was so faded, the picture, that I couldn't see it. I began saying to myself that I was lucid and I was dreaming and it did seem to help, but then I said enhance and it acted like it was going to for a second, but it was too soon. I realized it was too soon and that I needed to ride the hypnogogia out a bit longer before I could dream.

I brought myself back to my waking state for a few minutes.

I sort of scolded myself for letting my mind wander to the game. What a waste.

I closed my eyes again and thankfully, within seconds I got the vibrations back quick.

I tried to be more patient the next time. I started to get that hypnogogia back again but then I started hallucinating voices. I was hearing my son and it sounded like he was getting up. I should've known it was my mind tricking me because I forced myself awake to check and see if he was up. (It can be hard to do this kind of thing with a kid in the house, I'm always afraid I won't hear him and something will happen).

Awake again, I assured myself I would hear him if he really got up and closed my eyes again.

This time, I snapped right back into the vibration/hypnogogia state.

I began my mantra again "I am lucid. I am dreaming" and it started sounding like I was whispering into a microphone. It almost sounded like one of those self improvement mp3s with voice suggestion. I kept repeating my mantra.

Then I started to hear a man's voice. I was going through so many thoughts following this point, so I hope this makes sense.

I was still repeating my words, but his voice cut in and said, "Just give me five minutes of your time." My eyes are watering right now because, I don't know, I felt like someone was truly trying to tell me something.

His voice was old and at first, he sounded like Stephen LaBerge, but then I thought maybe, just maybe, this was God. Finally speaking to me.

Right after he spoke and I realized it might be divine, I got images. I can very scarcely remember them, unfortunately, because at the same time I got the pictures, a Tool song started. It was clear as day. Eyes are watering again.

I was in such shock.

Maynard began to sing. I cannot! For the life! of me! think of what song it was. Maybe it'll come to me later.

The lyrics, of course, were changed though. They were speaking directly to me. He sang maybe two or three verses before I woke up. I heard every word, but I can now only remember two: Regression, and annoying.

I understood it then, and I still feel like I understand it now, but no longer in word form, only the feeling I got from it.

God, I tried so hard to get back there again, but my son DID wake up. And I had gotten too excited that I couldn't fall asleep again.

I remember as the song started that I was thinking, shit, I need to write this down, but I can't leave?! I think that's why I only caught three verses and woke up.

IT was an amazing experience, even as short as it was. This journal entry doesn't even give it justice and I really didn't even want to type it in here, but I felt like I needed to.

From now on, I will take naps during the day as soon as the kid's asleep. If my subconscious is finally going to come forward and talk to me, I need to be there, because I truly am one screwed up little girl in my head...

I downloaded a an app for my new (and first ever) smartphone. The first thing I did when I got it was check out lucid dreaming apps, binaural beats, and things along that nature. I almost downloaded some chakra opening apps but decided to just go with binaural beats for the time being. The free ones are all pretty much samples.

Anyway, I downloaded this app called Brainwaves developed by The Unexplainable Store. I had seen these people somewhere on the web before when searching for binaurals so I figured I'd give their free download a shot. It only came with one ten-minute session of "Calm-Down" which at first I thought kind of sucked, but I tried it and was able to at least meditate for ten minutes (which is something I've been wanting to do regularly for some time now.)

Then I saw that they had an offer to become a member (at seemingly no cost) and they would give you two full downloads for free (unfortunately not of your choice.) So I did and instantly they gave me two more binaurals, "Positive Mindset" and "Remote Viewing".

I read the description about "Remote Viewing" and thought, okay, that sounds fun. So as soon as my son laid down and fell asleep, I laid on the floor, flat and got relaxed with "Calm Down" first before I turned it on.

After ten minutes of just getting peaceful and relaxed, I turned on "Remote Viewing" and focused on the beat. I had just had my usual energy drink (not the ones full of sugar and bullshit) but one like athletes use, lol. So I really wasn't that tired. When I began getting hypnagogia imagery I was surprised because it didn't take long at all.

I did seem to fall asleep, but I was aware the whole time of my state. It was pretty neat. I began getting some strange thoughts and at one point I had a picture before me of two animalistic looking men and they were ripping another man into half whilst chewing and eating his flesh. It wasn't that graphic in visuals but it was in my narrative. In my head, I had spoken and said "Well, we didn't WANT to eat him..." as if we were just following our instincts.

As soon as I said that I was like, wtf was I just thinking?!

Soon after that one had passed I got another and I was driving down this main road in town that's close to my home. Everything was blurry, like it was still hypnagogia, really, and I knew I was probably asleep or something. I went with it and began passing cop cars. The outlines would pop up first, and then my brain just seemed to fill the rest in as each came closer and passed me. My thoughts were, oh shit, they're coming to my house. I was swerving on the road but none were stopping.

I pulled over when I got a chance and parked. I hid and then I decided that I had been driving my mother's pick up truck for some reason. I had filled in that detail last because when I was driving, it was pretty much an outline too.

Another hypnagogic visual that I remember, and it might be the last one was of an alligator man thing that this guy was chasing. It had started swimming out to sea and the guy was telling me we couldn't let it escape. I looked at him and then I said, well, there it goes. I pointed to the sea and the man dived in after it. The alligator quickly swam back under and came back at the man. I woke up.

I did have a dream it seems. My house's roof was all angled like I was in some sort of attic, only it was tiled just like my house is. I remember thinking, hmmm, I don't remember my living room being like this. I had sat there on the couch for a moment, none of the windows were open and I began to ponder my surroundings. I thought, this is home. Before I woke up.

So, I'll have to try again to see if I get the same kind of results. Regardless of the description (something to do with psychic abilities) it does something to the brain. It was definitely interesting. I just wish I could remember everything.

This isn't really a dream but...

I've posted in the rant thread twice already. I feel whiny today.

I had a dream the other night about a friend of mine from a few years ago. We became good friends the first day we met and slowly but surely went our own ways and I guess I'm really sad about it. Like, really sad.

She ended up getting into coke with some other girl we worked with and she knew I wasn't a fan of her habit. I was worried, you know. I feel like since then she cut me off, especially when she became pregnant.

Anyway, on occasion we run into eachother. Probably twice a year it feels like. Usually I say something like hey, how are you, but she usually acts like she just ran into somebody she didn't want to see.

I don't understand why. I loved her (in a very good friend way). It breaks my heart to know that I will never get to hang out with her again.

Today, I walked right past her on my way out of the store. I don't know if she saw me, but I kept my head down because I just sensed that she didn't want to make small talk or get back in touch. Just a feeling I got.

I feel really sad about it.

I don't have any friends like that anymore. I guess it just made me think of how lonely I am....

The other night I got a little drunk. Then I got really upset by something someone said. I stayed up all night long, maybe an hour or two of sleep (bad idea). My dreams backfired though when I did get sleep last night. That's not why I'm here though.

When I stayed up, bawling my eyes out for how everything in my life seems to get so fucked up, I was pacing around my kitchen, smoking cigarettes, and every so often I'd pick up a pen and write down something in my notebook about how I was feeling. I just felt like sharing what I wrote. It's not even poetry, and nothing witty or cool. Just felt like t yping them up. Maybe later I'll be able to turn some of them into poems, who knows.

At my deepest and darkest moments, there is no one.

Have I always deserved to cry?

You were always the one who knew me, the only one I let know me. Out of everyone to whom I've been true, it was you, so tell me, do I deserve to cry?

God, why don't you answer me? Have I sinned so completely that I deserve no love?

Have I been so unbound by others, that I'll never make a good mother?

Has it been my choice, my right, my freedom? -- to go home to what I own at night
Or my fate, my path, my life.

I cannot blame you completely, I always fall every so often. And I do not give you as much credit as I do the devil.

When I have no one to call, I call on God,
and when he doesn't answer,
I write poetry.

Hmmm, took notes, but I only remember images. Strange places, strange people, strange little baby ate a guy's face off and left him hanging on the door...

wth?

Then there was this girl at a restauraunt, she was working, and trying to get her friends to take offers from the men in drive-thru, something to do with money...

T made me go to his parents house but I'm naked wearing only a towel. I go over there and am standing in the kitchen with T, his mom, and some other family. T's mom was saying something, then I started thinking that I shouldn't just be chilling in my towel.

Another dream, I was at a bar and grill with a couple people, C and Q. There was this man who was supposed to be our teacher, I guess, but he was being really touchy and was trying to spoon me. I tell him to get his hands off me and that I wouldn't tell anyone but that he won't do it anymore with a "if he knew what was good for him" kind of attitude. He stopped and didn't say anything but that I needed to finish my assignment.

So then I found myself sitting in a booth next to Q, different booths, if it matters. Which it does, cause that's how it goes, ok, and she had just ordered a shot. I told her that I couldn't wait to be 21 and she acted uninterested. So I invited her to come to my 21st birthday in a couple months and she shrugged an okay.

I know, sometimes I used past-tense and sometimes present. Is it really that important?

T had bought about 3 dvds that had strange looking cats on the cover of them.
I also made him kill a yellow hornet.

I know I dreamed last night, but everything vanished as usual here lately.

I did take a nap earlier and I was that special kind of tired where I could fall asleep instantly, but I didn't. I decided to try to LD.

My body was relaxed and I did some reverse blinking till I couldn't anymore. I kept my ears on the sounds around me, the air purifier which I thought was the fan in my half asleep state. I obtained this state for almost 40 minutes till my son made me get up. My body was asleep and my mind was awake, I could hear everything and if I had a little more time I would have LDed, instead, I had visions and one of them I was walking away from my parents with my baby in his carseat in my arms. I decided to cross this ditch that had a lot of hay grass in it, to get to my car. But when I got to the bottom of the ditch I realized I wasn't going to make it up the other side and my feet got caught in the hay. It was sort of dreamlike as in I could see it, but I was conscious of it being a vision because I could still hear everything else. Also, as I was falling asleep, I could feel my brain buzzing every now and then with a quick rush of an adrenaline-like feeling, I knew I was getting close, then I had that vision, then my son started crying and woke me up from this very relaxed state.

I was on vacation somewhere with quite a few people. I think I was in Florida. I was going to go swimming with this guy I met. We were excited because we were going at night and it would just be us in the pool. Something distracted me while getting ready, but I eventually made it to the pool. I remember girls talking to me.

In another fragment, I was working at Hooters. I have a friend who works at Hooters, so this is probably where it came from. Anyway, I don't seem to remember much about this part, just that I was working there.

I woke up around noon and tried reverse blinking to try and LD, but I fell asleep and was with my family. My dad had his semi truck parked outside of the house and he had two other people with him. A young man and a young woman who worked with him. Dad had some kind of gauge hooked up to the inside of the house to his truck on the outside and I was messing with it. He told me it was an improvement and that the girl was checking it right now. I stopped messing with it so I wouldn't mess her up. She came inside and crouched down to look at something and everyone could see her crack hanging out of her pants. This part was strange to dream about. The younger dude just turned away sort of smiling, my dad, being the conservative man he is, giggled and turned to me and said, oh my gosh, her crack is hanging out. lol... So we all turned, I don't know. Anyway, my grandpa showed up, and he and my dad and the two people he lived with were leaving. They were traveling somewhere. They had luggage and everything and I told them I loved them and to have a safe trip.

My mom came up to me then and she had stuff packed too, she said, let's go to Florida. She had brought me some of my stuff, but I wanted to make sure I had all of it, so I asked her to hold on while I went back and checked to see if I had everything. She became really annoyed with me. As I was getting out of the car I yelled at her, not in a mean way, but I said we're going to florida and we're going to have fun so you stay put and Ill be right back. I felt semi-lucid when I said this. Anyway, she got pissed about it but she seemed like she was going to wait for me.

That's when T came in and woke me up, lol. Strange. I'm so glad I remembered as much as I did.

I stole this girl's phone and called her from it. A guy answered and I pretended to have the wrong number. I was walking into walmart. I ran into someone on the way in who I thought was her boyfriend, but he didn't know I had the phone. When we got to the doors he kicked me playfully, kind of to say, hey, I know you. I just shrugged him off as T came up to me with a bag of pictures he had developed. I was angry with him for a second for going through my pictures because it was an old camera and I had no idea what was on it. He just thought it was funny that I was mad.

I also sort of remember the dream before this, but it's still just not all there. We were in a trailer park, the world was gloomy looking, and something about T's dad.

After, there was this pretty asian woman who was crying looking in on this house. In the house, was her husband and she had just found out that he had cheated on her. He seemed to know she was out there, but couldn't see very well. She starts to walk in the house, being really quiet so she can sneak up on him. There's this tall white man behind her with a water bottle and he seems to be telling her what to do. She has this insane look in her eyes. Flash to her and the husband talking about it.

This isn't fair, I was drunk last night.

Well, woke up two hours before I had to be up and wrote down a few notes from an extremely vivid dream. I only remember one part in detail, but it's too disturbing for me to write... Basically did something that I would never do in real life or even consider doing. It's nothing illegal, but just disturbing for me because I have no idea why my subconscious brought it up.

Anyway, I do remember having a huge fight with my parents and I think it might've had to do with religion or cursing, don't remember. I was hanging out with my friend A for a very long time. Then, at the bottom of my notes I wrote that everyone came over. I remembered the whole dream when I woke up at 4am, but hardly anything at 6am. My memory is a little vague on the everyone came over part, I do remember a scene from this though, where I had thought it was only this many people and when I turned around, it was literally almost everyone I knew, or felt like it was everybody. But I had completely forgotten this part. Ughk.

I guess that's it, if you call that a DJ Entry!... =(

My mom was staying in a semi but she had my nieces with her. She was telling me that she could watch my son for me, but I didn't think she could handle two babies and a toddler in a semi truck.

I went to work where I saw this woman I worked with someplace else. She was being kind of rude, especially when I compared this job to the last one. She was a manager still, only where I work now. I was thinking of all the things I needed to do, like start chili, do bacon and the dishes which were up front instead of in the back where they are in waking life. I remember getting ready to start chili when they told me to leave or something.

I'm in the passenger seat of my friends car and she's driving to take me home (even though I had taken my car to work.) She's telling me that she decided to go to this country festival (we're both not very big fans) and I sort of make fun of her just messing around. I told her that was cool because she had friends to go with and that I didn't really have friends anyway, but that I wouldn't wanna go if I did. We pulled to a stop and we were back at my job. There was a firetruck out front and a siren was going on, but there wasn't any fire that I could see. I enter the building and ask if I'm allowed to and they say yes so I go on and notice that somebody else had started the chili for me. They were pointing to these headsets and asking me which one I had used earlier, so I told them that I hadn't. Although, I think I had messed with one of them earlier. I was afraid I was the reason the firetruck was there.

Later, I'm eating lunch with these kids I went to high school with (the highschool was really stupid full of rednecks I hated) and there was this kid sitting next to me bugging me in exactly the same manor he used to. I told him that it's been two years and I still fucking hated him. He was kind of hurt by it, but I knew I meant it. The people across from me started to laugh.

This is about all I can remember, got too much to do. =(

I must be really tired lately because I cannot remember my dreams. This has never really been a problem for me, now it's really bothering me. Anyway, I only remember bits and pieces and nothing is in order...

I had another baby and it was amazing. This is really pissing me off though, all I can remember is a house and me being partially naked for some reason, it wasn't exactly an unpleasant feeling but T is with me somewhere.... I just keep getting vague flashbacks... =( I guess that's all for now, maybe it will come back to me...