Recent DJ Posts

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my house, but it is much bigger. My dad comes by, unnanounced, with my uncle Zé, aunt and cousins and I have a meltdown because my house is a total mess and I am not feeling well enough to receive guests. Nobody cares. They take my cousin Duarte to a bedroom where he is looked after by two nurses. He is on IV, taking shots, crying in pain. I hold his hand lovingly in support him and ask what's going on but he doesn't say.

I return home after some time away and I am appalled to find it occupied and in very bad condition. The bathroom has water dripping, the sink is clogged, there is trash all over. Then some guys enter the bathroom completely naked and someone else is recording and taking pictures of them while they mock me. The place seems to have been taken over by a bunch of people who are basically shameless pigs. They invite me to join them for a meal but I refuse. They get pissed and take me and other strangers outside where they reveal they will take control of our minds and bodies, like parasitic zombies. They do something and I lose control of my body, they move it like a puppet, but my mind resists. Eventually I break out of their control and I escape and run to a mountain where I encounter a resistance group.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

It's night, the light in my garage turns on and I take a peak through the window. I see a guy inside my fence, by the gate near the pine tree. I can tell he is Asian and is wearing sunglasses, which is bizarre. I knock on the window and make a face like " hey, what are you doing here?" and he runs away, exiting through the gate. I get out and go after him. As soon as I turn on the road after my house to follow him, there is a building and he goes up a central staircase, many stories high. I look up to spot him but soon I lose him because there are many other people going up and down.

At my mom's. She is in the bathroom and I am in my old bedroom. I feel an itch on my legs and realize I have a few infected pores. As I watch it closely, more and more pores are getting weird, purplish, engorging, becoming furuncules. They grow so large, they become like mushrooms. I pop some of them. It is disgusting. [COLOR="#FF0000"]But I realize I am dreaming. So just for fun, I turn the mushroom furuncules into flowers. At first it is not so easy to do it, but once I get the gist, I enjoy a wave of all types of flowers in all the colors of the rainbow, sprouting through my skin and blossoming and then giving way to other flowers. It is ticklish, I really feel them bursting out and growing, it is a strange and wonderful sensation. Also it is so incredibly beautiful to watch. As a final touch, I look to the palms of my hands and visualize a lotus flower blossoming in each of them. They do appear, one white lotus in each hand, first the leafs, then the flowers opening. Then I feel so light and glowy and I naturally start floating. I want to cross the wall and fly away but my mom calls for me and I turn back, because I don't want to scare her, even if it's in a dream. On the hallway I find my friend Belchior instead of my mom. He smiles at me, doesn't say a word and I realize there is nothing keeping me here. I keep floating on air and I feel like I am expanding in size. The ceiling can't contain me. I cross through the wall and ceiling and I am floating outside. Not like flying with effort or conscientiously, just standing weightless in the air. I can see my feet. Then I see a golden throne set up in the middle of the street in front of my mom's building. I float towards it and notice a golden Buddha statue which I touch and then I am inside four walls. It is an all white and gold room, marble floors and walls, rich golden curtains and sofas and beautiful big Buddha statues everywhere, in gold or white stone, in Tibetan, Thai and other styles. There is a panoramic window to a garden outside and passageways to other rooms. An Asian man comes in in servants clothing and welcomes me. Then a few ladies also appear, with foods to serve or just offering their services. I am a bit overwhelmed and then two beautiful cats come strutting in my direction. This feels like heave and I feel that I could stay here forever and just be pampered. But why and for what? Then I wonder where this servants come from? Do they have a life and a family? Why do they work for me? Do they suffer? I can't accept having servants. I could not enjoy paradise.
I go outside to the garden. There is a glass wall separating it from some corridors that go around it and where normal people are circulating and going somewhere. I spot a girl I seem to know and I have a dejá vu. I feel like I have been here before and have seen that girl before in that exact place, but in a somewhat different situation, one in which I was her equal. But now I am separated by a wall, in a garden with waterfalls and she looks lonely and sad. I do something that breaks the separation and now they all can see me and come inside the garden. I try to talk to the girl, but it becomes quite chaotic with people talking in groups, mingling and hanging out. There is one one dude going around imitating a cow mooing.

At some nice Portuguese town, on a break from some professional training I am attending but which I do not care about at all. The lady that usually assists me at the parish council, sees me and comes talk to me about how good this training is and professional opportunities that might arise from it and I'm like "oh c'mon, I dont give a shit about it and I am not even staying 'till the end". She is a bit shocked.
I go to the next door, which is a clinic of sorts and check their vending machine at the entrance for some snacks. Also at the entrance are a few patients freaking out because the electronic system that registers the patients is down and they can't get to their appointment. I calm them down and I feel compassion for them and somehow I create the conditions for the system to be fixed.

Then outside again I see Rinpoche coming down the street with the usual entourage and I bow down as he passes by. He enters the next door and some people enter after him and close it behind, while others stay outside guarding the entrance. I feel bold and uninhibited and I say to them I'd like to go in. They say definitely no and then they also go inside and shut the door again. So I put my hand through the door and I hear them freaking out. They still don't open. So I just cut out a hole on the door with my fingers so I can look inside. Rinpoche is in another room deeper inside. I finally manage to go inside so they let me sit at a desk alongside other people waiting for a chance to meet Rinpoche.

I woke up naturally at 6:45AM for my WBTB which was nice. Couldn't quite remember my dream. My non lucid recall has been sort of shitty for the last week. I took 8mg Glanatamine and 600 mg Alpha GPC with some fruit. After a half hour of listening to anime soundtracks and setting my intentions I did some SSILD and tried WILD. I got some imagery that wouldn't stick and eventually got out of bed but the dream never stabilized so I won't bother putting an entry for that. I kept waking up and doing nose plugs but they weren't false awakenings. Eventually a dream formed but I had lost most of my lucidty.

08.17.2016
09:38 AM

Magic Lesson One: Rock Climbing (SSILD)

I am in a final fantasy style RPG on a game boy advanced. I remember playing this game before in a different dream and wan't to speed run through it to get back to where I was before. I set up my character and complete the first area to receive my sword. I then attack some enemies with it. I get to the overworld and make my way to where I can get my first companion which is a warrior guy. I then go through the overworld to a mine where I can start leveling the mining skill. I forgot though that you have to talk to this mole man NPC first to get access. I go to the first dungeon and also get a mage girl companion. We defeat the boss of the dungeon and I wake up a bit.

I am a semi lucid now and in my own body. I am at the edge of my college at night. I want to keep playing the game so I pull a GBA out of my pocket and wonder how to get back into it. I start running around while I look at the GBA and thinking about how to turn the mechanics into a real game. I realize I don't have a GBA and remember that this is a dream. This is my chance!

I stop running and actually skid because I am going so fast! It is dark but there is a street light so I feel comfortable. I see a DC is jogging along the sidewalk. I walk out into the street and remember that I wanted to try a stability potion first. I put my hand back and summon a bottle. It is triangle shaped with a small cork and green liquid in it. I pull the cork off and drink the entire bottle. The dream destabilizes for a second and then completely restabilizes. It isn't the most vivid dream but I feel like it will last a long time. Another random DC runs by. I say out loud, "Juliana, I am ready for my lesson." I flow energy through my hands and stick them out. "I now understand the importance of body, mind, and spirit!"

Anime -esque flash back time! Previously when I asked Juliana to give me my lesson she told me to read some books first. I started with Journey to the West and read the chapter titled "Monkey King studies magic" The Monkey King (the character in my avatar) went to study with a sage to learn to be immortal. After 7 years he had to choose which philosophical discipline to focus on but was disappointed to learn that none of them would teach him immortality. The sage took him aside and told him he could learn the secrets of body, mind and spirit which isn't a formal discipline but the forces that hold the universe together. This is how The Monkey King gained immortality and a bunch of other magical powers!

From there I knew the other books would relate somehow to the body, mind, and spirit. The book on astral projection is related to developing the energy body. The book on zen is related to focusing the mind. The other books where the Vedas and I learned more about the Ātman, the "true self". I can do energy flow simulation to work on my body schema and I can do zazen meditation to work on my mind but I couldn't find any meditation to work on the spirit. Considering I don't believe in a literal soul stuff like transcendental meditation seems like complete bullshit. I ended up realizing that just listening to good music is a great way to meditate on spirit! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaJoDAXkSMw Now, back to the dream!

I imagine Juliana appearing in front of me in a puff of smoke. Nothing happens. Hmm. Well, it was worth a try. Another random DC runs by and startles me. What is with these DCs? I stick both my hands back and feel someone take hold of them. "Hi Juliana." I say. "Hey Matthew." she replies. I turn around and it's her. I hug her and notice she has dark hair again and her witches hat this time. "I'm ready for my lesson." I say. She looks around and takes in the environment. "It's dark here. Let's go somewhere with more light." and she points to one of the buildings at the college. We walk over there and I ask,"Hey Juliana, I'm curious, what is your natural hair color. I've seen you with red hair and dark hair." "My natural hair color?" she says. "Oh, it's grey but I'm always changing it." I say, "Grey? Are you sure? Okay." She looks at me with wide eyes and says, "Matthew, I want to ask you where you come from." I am a little taken of guard and say, "Haha okay. I want to know a lot more about you too." "Ya, but you sort of popped up out of no where and now I'm your dream guide but we hardly really know each other."

We get to the door of the building and she opens it. It looks nothing the same on the inside. There are students everywhere in white uniforms. There is a staircase even though it is a one story building from the outside. We walk in and I see a door at the end of the hall with light coming through the window. "You did it! Let's go through there." I say. There are so many students I get destabilized a bit in the commotion but because of the potion it is really easy to stabilize again. I look back and see that Juliana has changed into a guy with aviator sunglasses on. She looks like Dave from homestuck but I can feel it is still her somehow. I take her hand so we stay together and we go to the door. "Let's make it a basketball court." I say as I open the door and go through. It really is a basketball court on the other side and it's day time! There are DCs talking and playing and there are tall buildings around the park.

"Okay, let's start the lesson. We walk over to a bench and she sits down except now she is an indian boy. "I did the research on body, mind, and spirit." She nods and smiles. I go on,"Body I can develop with energy flow simulation. Mind I can develop with zazen meditation." She looks happy that I figured this stuff out. "Spirit I had a hard time with though." She looks concerned. "You see, I don't believe in spirits" She is about to say something but I explain myself. "Well, I believe in spirit, but not souls. In my mind, spirit is the essence of a person. Their passions, feelings, and relationships. I don't think there is a metaphysical thing determining those things. Not in the waking world but I would imagine souls are real in the dream world." Juliana looks very confused. "Waking world? What is that?" I say, "That's where I go when I wake up. You don't know about the waking world?" She squints at me and says, "So that is why there is something different about you." I ask, "So where do you go when you go to sleep?" She says, "Another dream world." I ask,"Haven't you ever woken up before?" She replies, "Not Really. So what happens when really wake up?" "Look." I say. "We should get to my lesson. Contemplate this and we can talk more about it some other time. Also, why do you look like an indian boy?" "Oh, sorry." She says and gets enveloped in a white light as she transforms. I stand next to her to help her get the height right. I ask to see the red hair this time. She looks like herself again with the red hair.

"Okay, your first lesson." She points at some kids playing on the side of the court. The kids around here like to get them selves in all sorts of trouble. They go in places they aren't suppose to and do dangerous things." We walk down the court. "See all these tall buildings." I nod. "They like to climb up the walls and do graffiti way high up. The adults just can't climb up there to clean it but the kids never fall." We stop at the end of the block. "Your first magic lesson is to climb to the top." I ask,"What's magical about rock climbing?" She explains,"I know it isn't extravagant but it will teach you all the principles. Go ahead and choose a building and get climbing."

I choose a building and start pulling myself up on the brick and engravings. I get up a ways and find myself at a difficult spot. "Look at 11 o'clock." I look up and a bit to the left. I see a flourish decoration that will make a good handhold. "Thanks Juliana!" I say and keep climbing. "What is this dreamviews thing on your phone?" she says. I look down and I am higher up than I thought. "Hey, what are you doing with my phone?" I shout. "Don't fall and wake up or you will loose your cell phone!" she says. "Even if I wake up I won't loose my phone." I say and keep climbing. "So what happens to your stuff if you wake up? Doesn't it disappear too?" she says. "Ha ha that isn't how it works." I say. "When you go to another dream world you don't bring your stuff. If you are inexperienced that is. Hey, who is this Chiara girl? Is she your giiiiirfriennnnnnnd?" she giggles. "Yes, that's my girlfriend." I say. "Your waking life girlfriend? Let's go through your texts!" I am very high up now but there is an over hang. I am starting to get the point of all of this. While I was distracted by Juliana I climbed much faster and easier. If I am just confident and go with it I can do anything! I make it over the overhang and can see the top now but I start to destabilize. I think about what I learned and use it to just go with it and stay anchored to the dream. I imagine myself holding the top ledge and the dream restabilizes. I pull myself to the top. Juliana is just a little dot now. I give out a victory yell and jump off. I float gently down and as I am landing near Juliana I take away her phone. I see that she has her hat off so I take that too and plop it back on her head. She looks a bit guilty but happy. I start to wake up and while I have more to say to Juliana I feel like it is time. After all, I have a lot of dialogue to right down before I forget it!

So my feeling was right! Juliana does know it's a dream but I am surprised she didn't know there is a real waking world. I look forward to continuing that conversation and my magic lessons.

I completed two Tasks of the Month last night. My lucid moment was tucked in the middle of a bunch of other dreams and I don't remember what exactly lead up to lucidity or how it faded.


I do remember that I was lucid and wanting to do the Tasks. I thought of the one to taste in my mouth whatever I had eaten last. At first I didn't think I could do this since I didn't remember eating anything in the dream. But I tried anyway. I worked my tongue around in my mouth until I noticed that I had some crackers in my mouth...mostly in my teeth, as if I had just chewed one up and swallowed most of it. It tasted like a butter cracker, and what was left was kind of smooth and slippery.

Then I decided to do the other task which was to stretch your arms and seeing how far they could reach. I noticed I was on a road or alley. I could see walls on either side of the road. They were about 20 (or more) feet apart. I figured this would work nicely. I started with my right arm I reached out toward the wall. Since I had never tired this before I wasn't sure how easy or hard this would be. I just concentrated in my hand touching the wall. I could see it getting closer until finally I could feel the wall. I pressed my hand against the wall and then held out my left hand. I did the same thing, focusing on my hand touching the other wall. It didn't take long until that hand was pressed up against the wall as well.

It didn't really feel like I was stretching, but I could see both hands on the walls that were 20 or so feet apart. So I had accomplished the task. It was cool to know that I had the ability to do that.

I've gotten a little behind again. I've been having some pretty interesting dreams, but I haven't written most of them down, so they are pretty much gone now.

I do remember a lucid dream I had a few days ago. I did two of the Tasks of the Month...from last month. I hadn't gotten on and read the new tasks yet, so in my mind I was still thinking of the tasks I never completed last month.

Dream:

I don't remember what I was doing. I may have been flying or standing on something high. I suddenly knew I was dreaming so I swooped down flying and immediately thought about completing the tasks of the month that I had been wanting to do, which were to drain the color out of something and to eat something inedible.

I landed next to a table that reminded me a little of my dad's model train table when I was little. I saw a lot of plastic items on the table. I wasn't sure what they were, but that didn't matter--I was going to drain their color. I started by focusing on this smooth rounds red thing. In just a few seconds it had faded to grey. I had known this would be easy.

I then focused on a yellow item. Then blue. Each time willing them to lose their color. I was satisfied by that point.

I then decided to look for something inedible to eat. I saw a small empty soda can, the kind that is about half as tall as the regular ones. I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth. I was glad it was not the full sized can. It took some work to crush it with my teeth. I got it condensed down quite flat...as if I had stepped on it. I kept chewing. I wondered if it would ever get small enough for me to swallow it. I was pretty sure that was required to be able to count it.

At this point I noticed the dream fading. I couldn't let that happen. I'm not sure what I did but the dream came back. I still had the can in my mouth. I continued to chew. I was happy to notice that is was finally dissolving. I felt the metal pieces in my mouth get smaller and smaller until they were gone.

I may have been talking to someone next. I think I was telling them how I am good at changing things in my dreams. I had out my left arm. I said that I would make it big. I watched it grow until it was cartoonishly large. Next I made it skinny until it almost looked like a stick figure arm.

I felt satisfied at my accomplishments.

And that's all I remember.

Ritual: Woke up around 5am after four hours of sleep and decided to make a proper LD attempt. To reinforce my intention I used supplements, my usual stack of Alpha-GPC, L-Theanine, and Bacopa. Did some SSILD cycles until I felt too wakeful, and then breathing/counting. After falling half-asleep and waking up again, I turned on my side.

DILD: My recall is poor from the fact that I haven't been journaling diligently, and I also didn't write more than a few notes promptly after the dream, so I don't clearly recall the onset of lucidity. I just remember that I was in a small, empty, square room with white walls and beige carpet, and I knew I was dreaming. I had the idea that I should better integrate with the dream through physical activity, so I did some high-knee running for a few circles around the room, and followed it up with jumping jacks. This felt absurdly easy compared to the physical strain of exercising in WL, and the sense of incongruity almost collapsed the dream.

I managed to hold the dream together, but now I was feeling dissatisfied, and I decided that I didn't like this room with its ugly beige carpet. I went through the door and found myself outside, which was a nice change. I found myself in a small yard bordered by beautiful vegetation, glossy green leaves and vividly colorful flowers.

FA-NLD: At this point I had an FA during which I lost lucidity by believing I was actually awake. I recall telling someone about how beautiful the outdoors was in the dream I just had, compared to the bland indoor environment. The dream proceeded to take the form of a meeting with colleagues at work, though the details have faded.

DILD: At some point after the meeting, I was driving in a car with two women and realized I was dreaming again. I had reviewed the TOTMs during my WBTB, and was very confident in my recollection that one of the basic tasks was to blow a car horn! That will be easy, I figured, since I'm already driving a car... in fact, I feel bad because it's almost too easy. Dream took care of that, so when I pressed the horn, no sound came out. I ended up putting a lot of concentration into trying to coax some sound out of the horn, and the best I could get was a kind of doorbell buzz.

After giving up on my efforts to make the car horn sound louder or more realistic, I pulled over to the side of the road, and got out of the car with the two women. We were on a small rural road with a nice view over some fields. Now I wanted to try one of the advanced tasks, to pass into a DC's body. As I approached one of the women with this intention, I noticed her appearance had changed: previously she had been a fully-clothed middle-aged woman of non-descript appearance. Now I was walking toward the body of a nude young woman with no head! It wasn't that the head had been chopped off, her body just ended at the neck, a smooth stump.

I didn't let this deter me and walked right into the body. I realized that the lack of a head was handy: since the only "headspace" I was occupying was my own, I didn't feel any confusion about my identity—although it made the task less interesting than it might have been. However, I began to suspect that since the body had been facing me as I merged with it, now my head might be attached backwards! This thought was so disconcerting that I woke up before I could look down and check.

5-26-15


I had three lucid dreams last night...actually this morning before waking. All short. I will write details later. Did an unintentional WBTB.

Basically I was lost in an unfamiliar big city at night. I was on foot. My phone was having issues and I couldn't make calls or pull up a map. Finally a lady came by and I was telling her my problems. Suddenly everything I was telling her was obvious. Those were common dream signs. I was dreaming. I immediately took off flying. I rubbed my hands together. I was wearing blue crocheted gloves...which I immediately took off. I also noticed how my teeth felt against my tongue, something that I have never noticed before in a LD. I flew, noticing things and taking off clothing until I woke up.

But then went back to sleep and had two more.

Ritual: WTB 11:30pm, WBTB 5–5:45am. Took supplements (l-theanine, alpha-gpc, piracetam, bacopa), did about half an hour of relaxation/breathing/counting on my back. Toward the end had brief series of vivid hypnagogic images (close up of eagle's head, view of a forest) then snapped back to full wakefulness. Not worried, this always happens. Turned on my left side to fall asleep. Woke with dream at 6:30am, so I had probably been asleep for about fifteen minutes.

DILD, "Time Stop": I've just finished a multi-course meal at a nice restaurant and I'm standing a the bar afterward, where the proprietor is offering me a special drink. While she prepares it, I notice that I can barely stand, my legs are crumpling under me, and I stagger as I try to regain my balance, hoping no one will notice. I kneel at the bar, which is low enough to accommodate this, to disguise my inability to stand. This is so embarrassing... am I drunk? I think back and don't understand how that could be, since I've only had ordinary wine pairings with my meal. Then I realize the truth: ohhhh... that incredible heaviness in my legs, that's just because I'm falling asleep!

I'm relieved to understand what is going on, and also impressed that I can think so clearly about the fact that my real body is falling asleep in bed without disrupting the dream. I decide to go on with the narrative that is playing out because I really want to try this drink. The bartender sets an unusual glass in front of me. It is shaped like a particular wooden table made by Isamu Noguchi circa 1941, but with a semi-circular indentation on top for the drink. It is made of hollow light blue glass and the interior is full of crushed ice, to keep the drink cool. The whole thing is very small, like a sake cup, and the indentation looks like it holds less than an ounce of liquid.



I try the drink, which is a clear liquid, pleasantly bright and floral in taste, in flavor a bit like St. Germain but lighter-bodied and not so cloyingly sweet. I complement the bartender and ask what it is made of. "Catfish liqueur," she replies. I'm impressed! I wouldn't have guessed, as the taste was not the least bit fishy. Another girl asks how the drink is made, and narrates as the bartender shows her: "So you mix it with that blue stuff, then top with..." I look at the bottle she's indicating. It is a gallon-sized jug made of translucent plastic containing a clear liquid. It reminds me of those extra-large bottles of Heinz white vinegar, but the shape of the bottle is more like that typically used for laundry detergent. There is a graphic of naturalistic forest trees on the front of the bottle which makes it resemble the cover of a nature magazine. The brand name clearly reads: "Gesuckt." From the name I assume it is a foreign import, probably German, and wonder if I can buy it at any of my usual grocery stores.

My earlier thought about "fishiness" has now taken the form of a chunk of sardine or mackerel that I discover lodged between my gum and upper lip. I reason that it must have come from a dish I ate during the meal earlier. I prod it out with my tongue and finish chewing it. Meanwhile I'm walking away from the bar toward the restaurant area. There are a lot of people in the room, which reminds me—hey! I could try the TOTM again, see if I can do it properly this time.

"Freeze!" I say loudly, but people keep going about their business. I remember the difficulty I had with this last time, and it also reminds me that I'm supposed to be stopping time, so I switch wording. "Time stop!" I command. I say it a few times, still not getting much result, so I decide an explanation is needed, addressing the room in a loud voice so that everyone can hear. "I said 'time stop!' That means everybody stops moving. Time stop! Time stop, everybody!"

I look around and find that everyone has frozen in place. Okay, this is better, I seem to have gotten the point across. Now I'm supposed to put someone in an embarassing position. I didn't plan ahead for this, so I'm going to have to come up with an idea on the fly. My gaze falls on a stout old lady in the middle of the room. I walk over and unbutton her light blue jacket and white blouse. Inside, she's wearing a pink bra, and I'm relieved to see that it has a front closure, so I unhook it and reveal her breasts. I hope I'm not being too mean, but remind myself that it's just a dream so there will be no lasting harm.

Now I have to get everyone moving again. What's the opposite of "time stop"? I try some variants: "Uhhh... go. Start. Start moving." This works, but meanwhile I had taken my eyes off the old lady to check whether everyone else was back in motion, and when I look at her again, her clothes are already back in order and no one is reacting as if they had seen anything unusual. I chide myself for not paying closer attention. I'd better try again.

"Time stop! Time stop!" This time the DCs react much more promptly, like they're getting the hang of it. Okay, what should I do this time? I look around for ideas. Among a group of people in one corner are two meathead-looking guys. I go over and start posing them really close together, much closer than a couple of straight men would normally be comfortable with. As I move and angle their bodies, I notice that it doesn't feel so much like time has stopped as that they are just playing along while I reposition them, and there's some difficulty, maybe even slight resistance, as I lean their faces together as though they were about to kiss. Finally I get it just how I want, so that their lips are almost touching. Then I step back a few paces so that when I restart time, I'll have a clear view of both their reactions and the people around them.

This time I restart the scene with more confidence, like I'm getting the hang of this too. "Okay, renew!" I command, punctuating the signal by clapping the first two fingers of my right hand into the palm of my left. It feels like being a movie director.

I watch closely as people start moving again. I was hoping the two guys would either react with comic embarrassment or, even better, be overcome by a latent attraction and really start kissing. Instead, they simply draw away from one another without any expression or commentary, and no one around them takes any visible notice. I'm disappointed with the blasé behavior of all these DCs, but I have to admit it makes sense: they're projections of my own mind, after all, and I'm fairly blasé myself most of the time.

Observing a dog walking through the room, I momentarily wonder if I should try again, but the lackluster reactions of the DCs has sapped my motivation, and I feel that I have adequately performed the TOTM. I wonder if I should wake up and write... but the dream seems stable, and I'm reluctant to end it earlier than I have to. However, I'm aware how easy it is to start forgetting the details if I don't record them promptly, so I do the next best thing and start verbally recounting my memories of the scene, to help fix them in mind for later. As I'm doing this I end up waking anyway.

Interlude: From 6:30 to 7:15am I record my notes and then return to bed, going to sleep with no further techniques. I wake up at 8:30am from another DILD.

DILD, "Sphere": The plot has been going on for a while but I don't remember much detail from before I become lucid. I'm sitting on the toilet in the bathroom of a house that belongs to a male friend I've been hanging out with for most of the dream [!WL]. I feel guilty when I notice that I've almost used up all his toilet paper. I tell myself that I should really stop giving into the urge to use the bathroom when I'm dreaming. This isn't waking life, where it actually makes sense to go if you feel like you have to. In a dream it's completely pointless, a waste of time, and kind of gross. If I'm doing this, it's because I'm too caught up in the idea of a physical body. I'm reminded of something Sageous wrote in the forum, how he doesn't really have a body in dreams anymore. I should work on getting less attached to mine.



I get up and go over to the bathroom sink, studying my reflection in the mirror. It's actually a close resemblance, as far as I can tell through the mask that covers most of my features. The mask is reminiscent of the one worn by Michio Ito in his 1915 "Fox Dance," though mine lacks the long snout and doesn't cover my mouth. Also my eyes are clearly visible through the sockets. The fact that I am wearing a mask does not strike me as odd, and instead I ponder what to do about my body. I don't think I can eliminate the idea of it all at once, so it might be best to proceed in stages. What's the most radical distortion I can think of? I know! I'll become a sphere.

I keep watching my reflection as my face starts swelling and widening. It looks disturbing at first, like obesity or an illness, and I have to focus on making my whole body expand, not just my face. Not only can I witness this happening in the mirror, I can actually feel it. As I become rounder and rounder, I remind myself that there is no reason a sphere should only see out of two frontally positioned eyes. I should try to expand my concept of vision to include the area behind me. This only partly works: I'm now getting visual feed from what seems like the opposite side of my sphere, and can perceive the rim of the tub and a bit of the floor and shower curtain, all very close up. However in the process I lose my frontal vision, and as I try to experience both visual fields at once I become disoriented and start rotating in place, which makes sense given that I'm a sphere with nothing to stand on anymore. The disorientation gets so bad that I'm afraid it might disrupt the dream, so I let my body snap back to its familiar structure, satisfied that I had a reasonable success for my first try.

I look back in the mirror to check my appearance again. My reflection looks like it did before, and I'm still convinced that it is just like waking life—although in retrospect I realize that my dream-self had a brunette bob rather than the shoulder-length brown hair of WL. I'm still wearing the mask and want to look at the face underneath, so I take it off. There are more layers of mask under the first, and I peel them off one by one, until I'm finally just wearing glasses, and take those off too. Finally my face is uncovered, and I am satisfied that it is a good likeness. I notice an unusual vividness to my eyes, which are sparkling and happy, and I am pleased with my appearance.

Stepping outside, I realize that I'm still carrying my glasses. Should I just throw them away? I feel a natural reluctance, but remind myself that it's a dream, it doesn't matter. Then I reason that I might want to use them later: this could be a good trick to improve focus if the dream gets hazy. Sure, I could always manifest a fresh pair, but that will be easier if I condition my expectations by saving these now. So I slip the glasses into my jacket pocket.

What should I do now? I'm in a great mood and have no particular task in mind, so I decide to explore the dream world. Perched alone on a grassy hillside I see a strange building, very gaudy, with red roofs under a gold dome: it looks like a cross between an old McDonald's and a sultan's palace. I realize it is a restaurant of some kind and head over there.

I'm still feeling unusually happy and excited as I walk in, so I pump my fist and go "Woo!" My enthusiasm has been making the people around me more friendly, I notice, and remind myself that I should try to be more like this in WL. The restaurant is small inside, like a cafe, with a several tables and a counter where I go up to order. Despite the counter it is not a fast food restaurant: the menu consists of about six innovative dishes printed on a small square of white paper.

"What's the tastiest thing on the menu?" I ask, then realize I have a craving for spicy food and ask, "I mean the tastiest spicy dish."

"The D-4," replies the server. I check the menu and the description lists this as a big steak dish, which sounds too heavy and will take forever to prepare, so I look at the appetizers instead. There are only three listed, but two of them sound like they consist of just three pieces of fish, served nigiri sushi style. The fish that interests me looks like langoustine, but with the soft, ribbed texture of monkfish. The server tries to warn me that it's a very small dish, but I say, "I know. It looks like someone has already left one here," pointing to the piece sitting on the menu.

I put in my order and take a place at a small table, then get up to think this over. Can I really commit valuable dream time to sitting down for a whole meal, even a small one? Shouldn't I be doing something more productive? Maybe I should just leave. But I consider that the experience might be interesting, and I can even try to combine it with a task—the circumstances are ideal to work on summoning, something I've always struggled with.

I walk back over and tell the server, "Actually, I'm here to meet somebody." I pull out my phone, wondering who to call among the characters I've tried (unsuccessfully) to summon over the years. But then I notice that someone is already sitting at my table, so I go over to see who it is. I've never seen this guy before: he looks like he's in his twenties, with straight, mousy-brown hair and thin, very pointed features.

"Hi, are you here to meet me?" He nods.

Okay, I think, rolling with the circumstances, this could work. I'll meet someone new, like a blind date. "What's your name?" I inquire.

"I'm Denny, a crass ass." He looks bashfully down at the table.

This odd term rings a bell. Didn't I, much earlier in the dream, long before I got lucid, meet a guy named Paul who used the exact same term for himself? What an oddity; I don't think I've ever heard that term in life. What could it mean?

"Did you say, 'a crass ass'?" I ask, enunciating clearly. The young man nods.

"Why would you call yourself that?" I am genuinely mystified.

"It's what my friends call me."

Unfortunately I woke up before I could find out anything more!

Morning of January 27, 2015. Tuesday.



I am in a somewhat uncomfortable dream state (likely from being overheated) and in reality am farther down on the bed than usual, somewhat in a sideways fetal position. I am mostly in muddled states of creative thought where I am trying to get my body to “rematerialize” correctly. Usually, it is only about two-thirds the correct size. I am also slightly hovering, shifting into body forms that suggest static statue forms for the most part, but sometimes distracting abstract tangents.

Some of the forms are just too abstract to build on, so this will not do - I cannot exist in an “abstract body”, suggestive of human or not - I might just float around and not have full control that way. I have to live and breathe in an anatomically correct physical body. It is difficult (relative to establishing more mental clarity) and mentally laborious trying to bring all the molecules together so that I may live in my body again after it is correctly remade, sometimes floating about a foot from my bed. At one point, my body is like “The Thinker”, but on his side and half the size of my actual body. Sections of my body in one last session and attempt are still missing as I decide to abandon the process.

In a group of people, we are all taken prisoner. Our captors try to get me to give out information to help them capture and kill more people, but I refuse. They threaten to kill me if I don't tell them. I think that's a good reason to die. I get pushed down to the ground, and they threaten me again. I close my eyes and go to my happy place. I hear machine gun fire, and feel bullets ripping through my flesh. My shoulders, arms, legs and torso are all hit repeatedly, and I can tell the bullets pass right through me. I'm in shock. I can't open my eyes. I don't want to open my eyes. My visual awareness starts to swirl together and then get all whispy. Although my eyes are closed, even the glittering blackness begins to fade. Then I see horrible faces all around, like dark gray demons scowling and growling at me with menacing faces. I don't feel that I have a body anymore, just a consciousness. I generate my best mind of Love for all the demons, but it's pretty clear that regardless of what I do, I'm going to a very bad place right now. I pray for help, confident that no matter how late, there's always help to be had if I'm open to it and want it. The demons fade into a dark gray for a bit and then come back. This definitely feels like dying. It also feels like I'm going to hell or something like that, but I'm not terrified. I'm a little bummed out because I don't think I'll like it, but I think it's worth it to help everyone. With what seems like my last moment of this stream of consciousness, I sincerely pray for everyone to attain enlightenment. Suddenly it all seems hilarious. I get a few brief visions of Vajrayogini smiling at me. Then I wake up.

I have multiple False Awakenings and Lucid dreams all of the time.. One weird thing that happens during any type of False Awakenings that I have is:

I will realize that I am dreaming in the dream, and I will tell myself to wake up.. Then, if I try hard enough to wake up, I feel this pulling sensation.. It's almost like my soul is being ripped out of my body.. That's the best way that I can explain it... Usually, when I feel that crazy sensation, I wake up..


I either wake up into another dream, or I will wake up for real.. It's nuts.. I read somewhere that someone else has experienced the "pulling sensation." Nobody that I know personally has experienced something like that.. I was glad to read online today that I'm not the only one, and not crazy. Lol. In fact, I think that I read about that person's experience on here, but I can't find it again...

A woman is showing me the human brain. It is organic and fleshy, but some sections are metal. She's a teacher, and I'm drawn in to every word. She points out one area that is clearly defined, toward the center of the mass, and calls it the 'carnelian,' which is an orange-reddish semiprecious stone. She then proceeds to stimulate my own nervous system by stabbing a needle into the junction of my upper back and neck muscles. I feel awash with giddiness and strange energy. She passes me a stick, and I flip it several times and set it down. We are in a restaurant, several other women are about.

I'm in a circle with about a dozen guys, several who are older than I, several who I have a rocky past with. A couple are wearing sunglasses, one has a giant visor blocking his face. We're all talking, the topic, I'm not sure. I write a prayer into a journal, then I realize that everyone has passed it around and read my deep thoughts that were meant for God. Maybe they were meant to be in on it. There's a hilarious and strangely ineffable segment that is of a video my friends made, with mirror-like properties.

Many people are on a balcony, myself included. A tetherball hangs directly above. To start, the chef at the restaurant I work at (who's funny, young, crazy) tries to do a trick off a ramp on a BMX. He fails. A couple people come out on the floor below. I throw the tetherball and hit one, as we are playing 'dodgeball.' Then, I leap onto the tetherball. My weight makes it start to swing in long, wide circles, very fast. I'm careful not to hit the walls of the room. I twirl around and around in the air.

Later, a girl asked if I spoke English (in English). Her and another started speaking in Spanish. A co-worker called me a pretty boy (probably not in a good way) and told me if I were to work out, I'd have nice abs. What a confusing ending, as I was abruptly awoken right after.

Another set of dreams coming off ganj-smoking, so this 'REM rebound' phenomena is startling and incredibly vivid.

4-2-10

I read about the Lucid Tasks yesterday and told myself the next time I was lucid I would do those. Apparently it's good for me to set goals like that becasue I got lucid last night and completed both tasks.


Lucid Tasks Dream:

I was having camera problems and was feeling very frustrated. There was something I really wanted to take a picture of (though I can't remember what it was).

Something in my mind reminded me that this meant that there was a chance I was dreaming. I didn't want to think about that possibility because that meant that whatever it was that I was taking a picture of was not real, and I really wanted it to be real.

But I decided to try to fly anyway, and wasn't too surprised when I took off gliding and knew that this was a dream.

I then remembered the Tasks that I wanted to try.


I landed on the ground again. I was on the side of a nearly empty city street. I could see no cars and very few people.

I decided to try the basic task first--the simple headstand. So I bent over with my hands down, just like I would do a hand stand in a pool. I put my head on the pavement and tried to balance my legs in the air. At first I was having trouble maintaining balance. I had to tel myellf, "Oh come on... this is a dream. I should be able to do this with no problems." And at that I steadied myself and held a headstand.

Pleased with myself, I decided to try the more advanced version of a headstand. I wasn't sure how this one would work. I had never separated body parts on a dream before. I had no idea if they would come off easily or not. Would it hurt at all?

I grabbed my head in my hands and started giving a sideways pull. I wasn't sure if anything was happening. Then I noticed my shadow on the ground in front of me and I realized that that would be a great help.

I then watched as I slid my head off my shoulders (no pain or discomfort at all) and lowered it to the ground. I also didn't noticed any change with the way I was viewing things. My vision remained focused on the shadow.

I placed my head on the ground next to my feet. I felt no sensation on my head at all as I carefully stepped up on my head. My feet, however, were bare, and I could feel my head and hair under my feet. I stood there for a moment.

And then must have lost lucidity because I remember nothing else.

11-25-09

I had a lucid dream last night. I decided I wanted to have one and --blam--I had one.

I was awakened and did a WBTB.

Dream:

I was looking around in what was supposed to be a (my?) kitchen. I suddenly saw this large brown bird on top of the fridge. At first I thought it was dead, but then I realized that it was making these sad peeping noises.. It was stuck in some ice that had formed on top of the fridge. I went over to it and did something to loosen the ice and free the bird.

At that point I noticed that it was an owl. It flew over to where my mom was standing. It was having a little trouble flying. It still had some ice on his lower feathers.

We were on this porch area. I noticed other birds in the area. As I looked closer I saw that they were mostly owls. I had never seen so many owls in one place before. I was fascinated. Harry Potter crossed my mind and I wondered if this was significant to have the owls all out in the daytime like this.

But then I did what I always do in a situation like this. I grabbed my camera. I started taking pictures of all the amazing different kinds of owls. I was able to get some great close ups. I was feeling so great about this.

And then I went and tried looking back at what I had taken. Not a single picture had taken. My camera wasn't working properly. I was suddenly very very upset.

But then this little thought came into my mind. What if this was a dream? I didn't want the owls to be a dream. I thought this was too cool. But as I thought about it more, I was becoming more and more convinced that the owls couldn't be real.

Things faded a bit at this point. I then remember forcing myself into the dream. I didn't have a body at this point, but I made myself feel like I was flying. I imagined what it would be like to fly with my nonexistent arms out in front of me.

That worked. I soon could start seeing my arms appear and my body solidify. and I knew that I was safely in the dream. I was inside a house, so I kind of hopped and flew over to a door and then flew out.

AS I flew I remembered how much fun it was in a previously LD to find a dream character and fly with them. I looked around for someone who looked like the "right one".

I flew over a lot of kids or very average looking (boring?) people. The I saw a guy with reddish brown hair sitting on a park bench that reminded me of a guy that lives in my neighborhood in real life. I decided that he would be interesting to fly with. So I flew over to him and took him by his arm and said, "Come fly with me".

As soon as I did that I was disappointed in myself. Where was the fun in that? I needed to build up to that point. Start a conversation and ask him things like, "Do you believe in magic?" or something to that effect. Maybe get into an argument about the possiblilities of flying. And then--blam--surprise him.

But no I just took him by the arms and flew. He had no reaction whatsoever. At one point he started slipping from my grip and I told him to put his arm around my neck.

The dream continued with us just flying around. But I remember nothing really interesting.

Oh well.

But I did get to fly.

And I did get to practice my lucidity skills.

I'll get it better next time.

Okay. With the dreams I had two days ago, I was able to remember them so well all up until the afternoon. For some reason now, my dreams are a bit hazier so I'll actually write some dream notes down in the morning, right when I wake up.

I also seem to automatically wake up around 4:34AM every night. I love how the body and mind works together. It's like, my body knows I want to try out the WILD technique, so it wakes up so that I don't have to be alarmed in order to do it. (The alarm usually causes me to forget my dreams immediately)

I also realized that my first close to successful WILD was actually when I was sleeping on the couch for about an hour, woke up, went to the washroom, chatted with my mom, and then went to my bed to sleep.
Strangely, I wasn't even really trying to WILD at first, but the strange sensations reminded me that this would be a good time to try it. And I got so close!

I think I'll try having myself wake up every time I sleep for the first hour, and try the WILD at that time. Waking up in the middle of the night trying to WILD is a bit of a hassle anyway... Plus I'm sometimes scared of the dark in the middle of the night

I think it will be more successful the next time I try. Wish me luck!