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    1. Superstition is for the Birds

      by , 12-07-2017 at 02:17 PM
      Morning December 7, 2017. Thursday.



      With water induction, I find myself walking over a walkway made up of boards of various lengths. It is also implied to be a road (or low-set bridge) for cars (though only one passes from the opposite direction at times to where I move out of the way a short distance), over water (either the ocean or a large lake), though I remain unsure of the location. Walking with me to my immediate left is an unknown male in his late twenties. He reminds me of an otherwise younger John Leguizamo (though I seem to be much younger as well).

      “Be careful, it’s a pigeon,” he tells me. A mostly black pigeon walks across the walkway, perpendicular to us, and from my left to my right. John’s spoken statement causes me to become a bit more aware, but I do not understand the relevance.

      Looking at him, his face seems to remain frozen, with an annoying grin. “Is it now?” I say, but he does not respond.

      I am trying to grasp the situation when I realize that it has something to do with “not letting a pigeon cross your path”, though this is otherwise distorted from the nonsensical “black cat” superstition.

      Looking at him again, his face is in a different annoying expression, also somewhat like a grin.

      I decide to “not let the pigeon cross my path” by turning right and following the pigeon, as it had apparently stopped and is walking slowly. Still, this will lead me off the side of the walkway if I continue. Instead, I find myself walking on my bed. There is a strange falling sensation as if my body was not fully perceived. I am concerned that I fell atop Zsuzsanna, but this is only a false awakening.



      Decoding template follows:

      • Dream type and explanation: This dream uses “return flight waking symbolism”, which is created when the physicality of the conscious self identity is ambiguously perceived prior to the RAS (reticular activating system) neural gating that regulates the sleep-wake transition. Consequently, the dream self identity subliminally anticipates falling, rising, sustained flight, or other illusory movement based on the misperception of the vestibular system’s equilibrium dynamics.
      • Dream state induction type: Water (most common, at least once per sleeping period).
      • Dream state indicators: The bed (in the false awakening).
      • Liminal space symbol: The walkway over the water and the false awakening setting.
      • Preconscious factor: John Leguizamo.
      • Liminal space cessation trigger: Contemplating illusory nonsense while in the dream state itself (yet not realizing it).
      • Flight symbol to dream exit point (symbolic waking transition): The pigeon as “returning” me to my bed, symbolized in my dream by the false awakening. (Typically, the preconscious points out this dream feature as such, which here, I become annoyed at, probably out of subliminal lucidity and not wanting to wake yet.)
      • Subliminal lucidity seems to be a partial element, evidenced by my “freezing” (and sustaining) of the preconscious and implementing my own focus of choice, even though it otherwise manifests my false awakening into the offset dream.
      • “And they try to pigeon hole in you in hollywouldnt but dont u let them!” - John Leguizamo.


      Categories
      non-lucid
    2. Fixing a Bridge (featuring Dean Norris)

      by , 08-24-2017 at 11:51 AM
      Morning of August 24, 2017. Thursday.



      My dream begins with the most common form of dream state induction; the presence of water, in this case, an unknown river. (This is based on circadian biology and the glymphatic system, whereby at least one dream per night for over fifty years has featured water, not including the numerous water-based hypnagogic dream sequences, which number in the hundreds each sleeping period.)

      I am standing and looking out over this unfamiliar river in seemingly late morning. There is a wooden bridge present, but it does not go all the way across the river. A helicopter flies in from my right and drops off a young version of my wife Zsuzsanna. My dream self is not fully aware of her identity, though I am uncertain of my dream self’s implied age. Zsuzsanna is on the outside of the two-tiered wooden railing, on my right and facing to the left in profile, appearing to do some work on it by tightening the bolts. I think about helping, but I am unsure how to get to where she presently is, as the walkway now seems fully underwater. This seems somewhat unusual, as I vaguely puzzle over why a railing would be fixed when the walkway itself is underwater. Another section of the bridge, which includes a ladder, is also submerged.

      Time passes, and Dean Norris, the actor, appears. I do not see him as a celebrity but as a bystander, though possibly associated with the repair of the bridge.

      Somehow, though this would certainly not be possible in real life (or even consciously resolvable in method), I lift a large section of the walkway up from the water, the farthest edge towards me, while I am still standing on the riverbank, though squatting slightly at one point. It seems more like a square platform constructed of small logs, the orientation of the logs parallel to the river bank.

      An alligator, its head oriented opposite from the riverbank, surprises me by swimming out from under where the section was (yet there is a vague awareness of subliminal lucidity suggesting that I created the alligator, and this is further evidenced by the alligator not being perceived as a danger or being the coalescence-based waking prompt). I am wary at first, but it does not attack or show much aggression. Instead, it swims back down under the surface. I tell Dean that there are other alligators in the river, though farther away from where we are. He does not comment.

      “My father built this bridge,” I say to him, somewhat absentmindedly.

      “Your dad built this bridge?” he replies without emotion.

      “…and he built a lot of utility buildings,” I add.

      I rethink what I had just said. Although I know that my father built a lot of park utility buildings, bathrooms, and rest stop shelters, I am unsure if he was involved in the building of this bridge as it was first constructed and that he may have only worked on it years after it was built. I consider that he may have been a part of a team of builders, but I then consider if the bridge had first been built in the 1800s (though I really have no knowledge of when it was built). If so, I consider if Dean was puzzled by my comment, but we do not talk much after this. I consider if Dean will bring in men in speedboats to cull the alligators, but this is not certain.



      Ordinarily, a bridge symbolizes the progression from dreaming to waking (as well as possibly representing the biological construction of a new memory or neural pathway) though sometimes seemingly represents a potentially prescient timeline. There seem to be two preconscious factors here (Dean and the alligator), both atypically passive (though this may be due to subliminal lucidity). However, the dynamics are a bit curious, as Dean may be coalesced into the interconsciousness.

      Submerged walkways are otherwise common in my dreams (and have been since early childhood) as a natural result of circadian biology and water symbolizing the dynamics of sleep in real time. A helicopter is a common symbol in my dreams that is linked to Merkaba energies and gamma brain waves in a similar way as a tornado often is, though it typically relates to “return flight” waking symbolism (though here it may relate to Zsuzsanna being in the waking stage while I remain asleep, seemingly validated by her arriving by helicopter, being on the outside of the railing and tightening it - becoming more aware in her emergent consciousness and outside of my ephemeral dream self incarnation).

      I am not certain as to why the preconscious so often appears as a celebrity (sometimes recognized as themselves, sometimes recognized only as a fictional character they have played, sometimes as an ordinary person with no celebrity association as in this dream - there seems to be no determining factor as to why this is other than concurrent threads of available memory). It may be due to the transpersonal element or how the preconscious is completely different from the conscious self identity (though this seems deliberate to subliminally begin to initiate dream state realization in how neither the dream self nor conscious self is anything at all like the preconscious - which often creates conflict or emotional augmentation of enough energy to trigger waking).


    3. 09-08-17 “Responding to the call – Guidance, Bridging & coming home”

      by , 08-09-2017 at 10:59 AM
      Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

      In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

      Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

      As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

      Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:


      Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

      I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

      I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

      It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

      I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

      I wake up

      As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

      I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

      I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.


      Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

      I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

      An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

      There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

      There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

      Dream ends.

      Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

      I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

      We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

      I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

      Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

      From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

      As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

      Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

      I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

      I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

      Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

      Dream ends.

      There are a few interesting themes at play here.

      The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

      This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

      From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

      The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

      I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

      Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

      There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.


      This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

      For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.
    4. Water Birds

      by , 04-26-2017 at 10:26 AM
      Morning of April 26, 2017. Wednesday.



      There were previous scenes at a different level of consciousness, but I more vividly find myself walking in an unfamiliar area. It seems as if it might be some sort of low-set bridge. I am not focused on where I am going. It may be to the shopping mall. There are no buildings around. There is a large expanse of water to my left. It is daylight out though I am not sure of the implied time. It may be morning.

      Eventually, I notice one other person about half-a-block’s distance ahead of me. Getting closer, I see that it is my wife Zsuzsanna’s sister Judy. She seems wary at first, until she realizes who I am, but keeps walking.

      My attention falls on the water. There are a large number of birds that are mostly all the same, mostly a mix of dark gray, black, white, and blue. Some of them are on the surface of the water, somewhat duck-like (though I am not sure what kind of a bird they are). About an equal number of birds, I can see under the water, their heads upward just to the underside of the surface. This imagery continues as I walk at least the equivalent of two city blocks. I find it curious, even somewhat peculiar, but it is a beautiful scene. The birds under the water do not move that much but may be feeding on the same food source that the birds above the water are looking for or eating. Thus, there is a vague sense of ambiguity.



      This is a curious liminal space transition (especially as I seem to be walking on some sort of bridge) that mixes water induction (with subliminal awareness of being asleep) and the anticipatory (yet also subliminal) consciousness shift symbol (the birds). I find it interesting how nearly identical imagery seems to be rendered in each area of the water as I walk along.


      Tags: birds, bridge, water
      Categories
      Uncategorized
    5. I'm dead- An elegant reception- A seaside restaurant

      by , 02-17-2017 at 07:46 PM
      #1: I was dead. I was looking down @ my partial body body laying in a marsh along a river. I see my legs & feet. It's disturbing. Locals are saying they accidentally killed me. I'm watching all of this unfold. I see a cop handling the investigation. I feel like he has got this & there will be answers. He says she'd been thrown off of the bridge & ended up in a marsh. I rarely see any part of myself in a dream & I don't remember ever looking at myself like this, especially in this context.Meesha Cat woke me up.

      D2: I was w/ my parents & we were @ some kind of reception area. It's circular & you walk down to a row of tables & down again for the next row & down one more time for the bottom row. It reminds me of "The Love Boat" tv show on the cruise ship for some reason, lol. It was really elegant. It was just normal family conversations that I would've had as a child going somewhere w/ my parents but we are all adults here. My mom is worried about what ppl will think & are told not to embarrass her, lol. Thank God she is more relaxed & enjoying life now & not all uptight. Meesha Cat woke me up again.

      D3: I was @ this restaurant by the beach kind of place. It looke like a version of an old clam bake except men were diving in to catch fresh fish w/ some odd looking sieve bucket or something. They were catching things like squid & yucky stuff. No seafood that tastes good like lobster or something. A man sitting at my table was going to get to try his hand at it. He finally gets to go in & I get to come closer. It looks like a cement wall is barely flowing water over it. It was really interesting how they utilized the sea/ocean in such a way to make an entertaining dining experience. Meesha Cat is waking me up a 3rd time tonight. I'm not happy with her.

      I didn't have a lucid tonight but lately I have been picking up speed again with them after my break. I just finished my second journal over this past year since March but most of it looks like gibberish until I put it on here.
    6. Dad Is Not Safe

      by , 07-02-2016 at 09:20 PM
      I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
      I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
      My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

      I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

      I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

      I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

      My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

      Another fragment—
      I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
      It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

      Thoughts:
      This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.
    7. Seeing a Ninja on a Nighttime Walk to the Grocery Store

      by , 07-02-2016 at 01:02 PM
      Morning of July 2, 2016. Saturday.



      In my dream, my wife Zsuzsanna and family as we are now are living in an unfamiliar and unknown location. I need to go to the grocery store before it closes, as it is late at night. Even though the location is unfamiliar, I seem to somehow know where I am going when I leave our house.

      I walk mainly down a sidewalk in an area where there are no buildings. I am headed towards a bridge that is perhaps half a block long. On my right, across the street, I notice a ninja in black jump up onto the bridge railing after it seems he had come from the middle of the street ahead. At first, I had thought he might be approaching me, thus I remain wary. I am not sure if it is a teenager intent on attacking and robbing me though that feeling is not that strong as I keep walking. It may be that he has no intentions toward me. This remains unclear.

      I seem to discern another person ahead of me and in lighter clothes, but walking towards me. However, this person seems to either disappear or also cross the street to the other side. I have a vague impression he may be connected to the ninja as part of a gang. Still, nothing threatening happens. The ninja remains on the railing in a squatting position.

      There is an odd and atypical dream within a dream where I am reading about an older male from China concerning some sort of anecdote of the author’s. This occurs as I am walking but my dream goes back to the original setting after a short time.

      Eventually, I cross to the right side of the street and enter the unfamiliar grocery store. An unfamiliar and unknown Asian girl is the cashier at the one counter across from where the shelves are. There is one aisle on the other side. Even though the store seems to be closed at this point I tell her I will not be long. There is a shift, and I already have two small bags of groceries without any recall of either picking them up or paying. I then tell her, as I am heading toward the doors, that I need to get one more thing, a box of cereal.

      I find myself going to an area that is apparently in the back of the store. I notice that it is a mess, with various items strewn across the floor to my left. Otherwise, there is not that much on the shelves. I walk out back to being near the counter and ask her where the cereal is and she makes a note of it being on the other side of the main area. I notice a box of cereal (at the top of the shelf) which is Weet-Bix but mostly cinnamon flavored and consider that I will just grab that. I still do not have full recollection of paying for anything as I leave, though my dream fades from there.



      I have had other dreams where a certain part of a grocery store was messy or under construction or repair. It may relate to improper diet and the under construction aspect may relate to healing and cellular repair - or, it may just be incidental to the transient nature of the dream state. Shopping for food dreams are fairly common for me.



      A bridge typically represents a consciousness shift within the dream state. This is validated in this case by the ninja in black jumping up onto the bridge railing before I cross the bridge (though again, across the street from me yet seemingly just appearing from the middle of the street), which seems to be a less interactive form of the waking precursor. In this case, the ninja may be a curious variation of my own shadow form that has appeared in a number of dreams since early childhood, primarily in two forms, both forms implied to be my own shadow (regardless of how far away or even being of a different orientation). In the one form, it seems to be “matched” to my dream self as I test to see if it is my dream self’s shadow and in the other form, it seems to be my conscious self (doing different things than my dream self) looking into my dream and watching my dream self. However, even in the former, it seems related to a subtle awareness of conscious activity and emerging (that is, growing and clarifying) self-awareness.
    8. Bear, Boats and Other Stuff.

      by , 07-01-2016 at 06:24 PM
      I worked in cafe but it was a different building than in waking life, a nice big space. It was evening or late at night and we were getting ready to close. I was attempting to make vegan cookies and trying to find some vegan chocolate I could add. I remember seeing a Christmas tree that was in an adjacent room, and I unplugged, or plugged the lights in, I can’t remember. A lingering customer was remarking about how slow I drove my car, and I had an image of my [dream] car, with the entire front smashed, like a memory of a crash. I told him I drove slow because I had once crashed my car, and I showed him a fading bruise on my right inner bicep.
      Outside, me and co-worker (old friend?) were going to our cars when we noticed two suspicious men on the roof of the cafe. We ducked down and tried to hide behind some structure. I think the men could see me, and I decided instead of remaining in hiding that we needed to distract them. I made an urgent look to a customer that was also outside- some man- and he seemed to get it and we both loudly talked about something and started to go back into the cafe.


      Fragment: Editing some trailer or excerpt of a movie. Lots of problem solving dreams last night of this kind. Designing, editing, creating. Left me feeling tired when I initially woke up.

      Wrote down notes on dreams, read a little and went back to sleep. More dreams below.

      I was in my front room with my husband. We were sitting on the couch and a giant black bear was excitedly trotting back and forth between the couch and the front door, like my dog does when she wants to go out. In fact, the bear completely had my dog’s essence. I jokingly asked my husband, ‘Want to let her out?’ I got up and walked on the couch to reach for the front door, realizing that the bear could attack me at any moment. I opened the door and watched the bear run out and run down the street. I briefly wondered if I should warn the neighbors that a bear was running around.

      I was making a movie with some people- maybe I was related to the director? We were hanging out on an urban street sidewalk, in an area that looked like an east coast city. An old male actor was standing next to me, and a slightly chubby man (my relative?). After a few minutes of discussing the movie or something else, we went inside a door behind us and it was this old man’s apartment. The carpet was old and stained and there were various rugs around. He mentioned something about liking my dog, or enjoying having her there, and he had a large dog that came in and tried to get near my dog but she seemed defensive. In the kitchen on the counter there were 3 bubbling pots- one was a tea kettle I think, the other perhaps coffee? And the third was apparently and experiment I had going on in a giant mixing bowl. It looked like bread dough in water with cayenne pepper, and I added something like apple cider vinegar. I have the idea that it was fermenting, not boiling.

      I felt like an outsider. My mom and my brother were there. They each got a text from my aunt asking if they were going to the annual family boat reunion. I never attended this (dream event) but I was slightly hurt that I didn’t get this text as well. I was playing on my iPad/iPhone, editing movies or watching clips of a movie I was working on.

      I was catching rides on large cruise-like boats by walking into the center of a bridge and stepping out as the boat passed under. I was able to step directly onto the boat without jumping using this method. Soon though a boat came and I wasn’t able to get on, but I notice a crowd of people, including an attractive woman around my age, were able to get on that boat in a way I couldn’t access. Then another series of boats show up, these are smaller, and several groups of teenage girls are on the bridge with me. They are dressed like they are on a sports team, mostly red and white colors, and they jump into the water next to the boats, or jump directly on the boats themselves. I contemplate doing this and then decide those boats aren’t for me and I think it’s too dangerous to jump anyway. An old school friend is near me and she agrees. I decided to wait for the next boat.

      Thoughts:
      A lot of this seems mundane. Bears are a common theme for my dreams, they used to be nightmares, now they just show up randomly. Im not sure why this one seemed like my dog, if that means anything to me. I think bears mostly symbolized anxiety for me in the past, or my father…now they seem to symbolize something that I am slightly afraid of, but think I can get around.
      Boats and water are reoccurring a lot lately. These definitely seem symbolic, perhaps of subconscious emotions, or finding ways to navigate those emotions.
      I live far away from my family, and have for a long time. I love them but I don’t want to live where they are, and it’s hard for me to travel to see them very frequently. I suppose I do feel left out, and although I talk to several of them frequently, I worry if I will regret this one day. Or if they think that I don’t care about them as much as I do. I am very introverted and could go days without talking to any human and be fine. I often realize that I have gone a while without reaching out, and wonder if I’m more oblivious than others when it comes to maintaining relationships.

      Updated 07-02-2016 at 01:48 AM by 91019

      Categories
      non-lucid
    9. Half-Bridge Over Aurora

      by , 01-15-2016 at 06:26 PM (The Dream Magic Experiment)
      1/15/2016

      I was in Katipunan-Aurora area at night. I was walking with some people. We were going to cross the bridge over Aurora but it was cut in the middle. It was as if the other half of the bridge was just gone. We had to go down, which was tricky.

      Daytime. I was trying to do some parkour flows in some ruins. I was with some friends. I watched S teach a new flow.
      Categories
      non-lucid
    10. I Think Its Jaw Moved...

      by , 12-20-2015 at 05:34 AM (Linkzelda's Dream Journal)
      18.12.2015
      I Think Its Jaw Moved... (DILD)

      NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

      So, here I am in this jungle that also has a base that’s structured as if there were human inhabitants; Aztecs and what have you. Looking up at the sky, it’s clear as day, and the atmosphere above is light sky blue with a few clouds that are close to dissipating. There’s a myriad of things I ended up doing, but I can’t seem to recall everything in a sequential order.

      It’s almost as if this area in the dream was a hub for other dreams to occur. Some things that came to mind were:

      - Using weaponry to kill off all sorts of monsters from skeletons, and other disfigured entities. An image popped up of a huge skeleton that’s wearing this maroon helmet with gold trimmings that are about 3 inches in width, and they’re wielding a generic round shield, and sword. I even glimpsed a few moments of a floating gun turret akin to one in MGSV.

      - I’m sitting, or trying to sit on one of many chairs laid out at another section in this grandiose environment, and I get a random mélange of entities flashing around me.

      - I eventually start flying for a little bit to land on top of the huge machinery to slay the creatures I mentioned in the first part of this list.


      Then, after all that, and then some, there was a resting period. I believe I was traveling with someone, but I couldn’t make out their visage at all. I tried to pay attention to their voice, but for all I know, they could be mute, or too shy to respond. I’m walking down a rectangular pathway composed of stone brick tiling filled with Nature’s wear and tear, and greenery. There’s this milky, yellow tint emitting off of these bricks, but it’s not emissive.

      I see a few yards ahead that there’s two pitchers with a red base, and a white top. One of them is opened up with all sorts of juices and sodas, and when I get closer to them, it looks like a lot of Fanta juices from red, orange, and yellow. The other one is closed, and it almost felt like opening Pandora’s box. I think maybe I was a little exhausted from the previous events, and the dream starts equivocating like crazy from this point.

      Firstly, the pitcher seemed to have either dissipated, or shifted into a dead, black, crab that’s fairly huge in size. The outer regions of this entity consisted of a light brown trimming, and it really looked like it was dried up in some areas of its body.

      Then, its composition becomes nuanced significantly, and it looks like it could be a skeleton for something else to take shape from it. And every time I glance at it, and glance over something else, the form starts accumulating into something else entirely, and eventually looks like an unconscious black panther.

      For some odd reason, I was predisposed into wanting to take my right hand to try and open its mouth; as if I was still in the process of opening that other pitcher that’s still nowhere to be found. I immediately start controlling myself, and retracted the hand movement with a subsequent jolt, and started to push it towards my body, and made this weird shivering body gesture for a few seconds.

      It was clearly a black panther, and I can see that the sunlight above contributes to some parts of the highlights being violet in some way. When I started to step back from it, I see its jaw move…

      I immediately made a retort towards my unknown dreaming comrade, “I think its jaw just moved…” We both naturally seemed to have wanted to walk back slowly just in case it reacted to sudden, powerful movements like say…RUNNING.

      After we reached a certain distance, we just turned around, and made a run for it. But as we’re doing that, I’m somehow looking at myself in front of me, and then zooming into the unconscious panther. I see that its visage is starting to have more nuances, and its body starts moving upwards a bit, and then its face starts shaking like crazy as if it’s becoming conscious again.

      The moment it woke up, and while it’s busy processing what environment it’s in, I felt as if my ability to run is slowly decreasing. Either through me zooming in too much to want to naturally slow down, or just the fear gradually building up, and slowly paralyzing me instead of getting that kick in adrenaline.

      I noticed that the section we’re at now is this short distanced, but grandiose brown bridge with some subtle hints of red bled onto it. I’m holding on one of the wooden railings, and its literally being utilized as a crutch for me to hopefully propel myself. I can feel myself struggling a bit to pick up some speed, and the view of the panther from afar only makes things worse.

      I told the dream entity at the time to just RUN….RUN…RUN!!! I noticed for a few seconds that entity was a female. She’s wearing a black jacket, white shirt underneath that’s a bit longer than the jacket, or maybe there was some physics involved of the jacket’s ends moving upwards as she’s running, and she’s wearing light, faded blue skinny jeans with some black boots. She has black hair, or at least that’s what I want to believe; she could be anyone at this point.

      As I’m trying to escape, the alarm from my phone starts ringing.
    11. November 22nd 2015 TOTM

      by , 11-22-2015 at 07:24 PM (Deep Inside The Lucid Dreamer's Subconscious)
      Basic Task ii - Ask a DC to tell you a joke (Rodrodrod)

      Other things occurred earlier in the dream, but the first thing I remember was a character in tall snowy mountains. He kept walking around and yelling "wooliath" or something like that. The dream follows him up some steep slope in between jagged mountains to the very top. Then, I'm in the dream with my friend Terry. We speak about some random thing and then I'm looking over the cliff. Suddenly, I accidentally fall forwards off the mountain. My mind questions how far up I am and how far I have to fall. The first thought that pops in my mind is that I'm so high it's like I'm skydiving. Sure enough, I fall through some clouds and beneath me I see the earth. I'm miles in the air. This actually puts me to some excitement but I fear that when I hit the ground it might seem all too real and it will hurt. Anyways, my view is of a lot of water and some land masses on the edges. I'm falling closer and closer to earth when I realize that this is a dream. When I realized it, I just decided I could float up right as I got close to earth. Before I hit the ground, my momentum shifts and I'm flying upwards now. I look at my hands and decide to do some reality checks. First, I rub my hands together to feel some friction. Then, I do some math. "2+2 is four. 3x3 is 9." Okay, I'm solidified now. A thought comes up, "okay now what I do want to do?" At first I was going to just explore the dream but then I remembered the TOTM and decided I go onto the ground and look for someone to ask to tell me a joke. So, I fly towards the ground through the clouds until I see a bridge over water. I fly down and land under it now standing in shallow water under the bridge. I look over and see two people against a wall. I do not know who the person is on the left, but on the right is my friend JP. A smile lights up my face and also his as I walk over to him. I say hello and then ask him to tell me a joke. He refuses and says that it will disgrace his family and also the university that we go to. I lose interest in his story and turn around. My left eye starts to close so I try to look at my hands and rub them together but the dream collapses.

      Updated 11-22-2015 at 07:26 PM by 59595

      Categories
      lucid , task of the month
    12. Winter Wolves

      by , 10-15-2015 at 06:36 PM (Dimension X)
      This was from yesterday, but I forgot to write it down... whatever.

      It had a pretty simple setting, it was like I was in a national park set in winter with a bunch of other random people from my high school I recently graduated from.

      Everything seemed okay, until everyone started running away from something. I didn't need to ask because when I turned around I saw a bunch of wolves far away chasing everyone. I began to run with everyone else through a tunnel bridge made of wood. There wasn't really anyone around me anymore though, everyone was separated by quite some distance. Soon enough, another bunch of wolves appeared where I was running to and cornered me somehow.

      I thought I was screwed, but one wolf that looked different from the rest went near me and fended off the other wolves. It kept me safe. The others were scared to approach it, and left.

      ...Maybe this is the first appearance of my Dream Guide? I certainly hope so.
    13. I Want to Ride My Bicycle

      by , 08-06-2015 at 10:20 AM
      Morning of August 6, 2015. Thursday.



      I am with an unknown male though also sense Zsuzsanna is around at one point. I am going with him to an unknown location, though I think it has something to do with recovering certain information on the other side of the river (possibly in a different town). We are both riding bicycles and it vaguely reminds me of riding with Kenneth W or James M at a distance (out of town or on the other side of town) that eventually seems too far, though my bicycle is functioning normally. There was another schoolmate that used to go with me most of the way home (only for a month or two), though oddly, I do not recall his name (one of the only names I had forgotten in my lifetime, in fact) and this may be the character I am thinking of. It seems fairly late at night and I can just barely make out land features.

      We reach a bridge over water and cross it about halfway and I soon see it is slightly inclined to where it goes down into the water, submerged from there. This surprises me, as I thought the other male knew where he was going, though now it seems he is gone (or perhaps somehow already got to the other side). I am trying to remember if he did get to the other side (with a brief impression that he was in the water for a short time). I am not sure what to do. I am not sure if I should ride my bicycle over the surface of the water, ride in while half-submerged (with the bicycle wheels half-submerged as I cross the river) or just keep going and see what happens (though I do not really want to ride completely underwater). My dilemma causes my dream to slowly fade. I have had numerous similar dreams of partly submerged bridges and docks throughout my life since childhood. I suspect it directly relates to the waking process or state of consciousness itself as many other in-dream predicaments do (for example, a car crash may solely metaphorically represent the waking process and the termination of the temporary dream-self).

      I might as well include another non-lucid dream with this entry since there is not that much to it. Caution: Violence at end. Skip to avoid.

      I am shopping in a store I buy food at in real life, though it is quite different. I am looking in a very large freezer (much deeper than in reality - and it seemingly has no shelves) where there are mostly meat pie packages and a few other frozen items. I hold the glass door open for awhile and am somewhat annoyed as there is not that much food in normal packaging in the entire freezer (which is nearly the entire length of the aisle). What little items there are, are sitting on large cardboard boxes (I assume they are unopened stock) and there are also a few smaller boxes on top (a couple being open) and I contemplate getting out whatever I need as I thus far only have one meat pie package (probably containing about four to six meat pies). There are only a few loose items strewn about the top of the stack that I want to look at or perhaps buy.

      I then see that there are three people on the other side of the boxes who are standing within the larger freezer area itself, the boxes of which are at least three rows deep and stacked to above the waist. There are two females and a male and at least two of them have clipboards and appear to be taking some sort of inventory. They are a bit to the left. I reach over to the right and move a couple smaller lighter boxes to get to another product, which may be the only one left.

      “Why don’t you go somewhere else instead of f–king around here?” asks the male (who may be the store’s manager), sounding very annoyed. This surprises me because I am a customer in a grocery store just trying to reach a product. I inform the man that I am leaving (and I do) and that I will make sure none of my friends or family ever shop there again. (In real life, I no longer shop in the grocery store that absurdly promotes self-service through the cramped and problematic small self-service section with a trolley-full of groceries while the cashiers just stand around gawking as all the normal checkouts are blocked off.)

      From here, I walk home (rather than continuing to do any shopping elsewhere), though the location and building is not that familiar, yet I know I live there with my family. It vaguely reminds me of some sort of unlikely composite of Duffy Street (Australia) and Arcadia’s North Monroe (where I have not lived since early 1968). There are many young people running around randomly in the front yard, perhaps involved in some sort of game (like informal soccer) or party, though there does not seem to be any order to any of it and some of them seem to be wearing very strange and random outfits. It may be some sort of high school or college event, such as a semester break (though I do not know why they picked this area as they obviously do not all live in the area).

      As I decide to go around and enter my home through the back of the building to avoid collision or confrontation with what may be a chaotic group of addled college or high school students, a (unfamiliar and unknown) girl who seems friendly joins me. We walk to an area near the back of my apartment building (which at this point looks a bit like the apartment building across the yard from where I lived at North Monroe). The back of my building has a door to enter the premises (at about the middle of the walkway from where we are), though directly to my right seems to be another tall building so that it is like looking into a narrow alleyway. There are several boulders and large rocks within the alleyway which are blocking my way to the door (though realistically, it would be ridiculous to assume someone or even several people put them there by hand). “Who did this? How are people supposed to get into their apartment?” I ask the girl (who is standing to my left) angrily. The girl leads me to the other side of the building where the rocks are now mysteriously gone just from looking through the opposite side of the alleyway.

      From here, we get to the back entrance where there is a screen door. A tall young unfamiliar male (though he seems almost thirty when I look again even though I first get the impression he might be a college football player) comes out asking “How are you doing, dad?” as if with mindless sarcasm related to my age (and I am at my own home after all and I assume he is not supposed to be there). At this point, I am annoyed, as I reach semi-lucidity and the waking stage at the same time. In previous dreams I used to shoot every annoying character during the waking process. This time I pull out a large knife and effectively run it across his throat as I wake.

      This last part was strongly influenced by the “Secrets and Lies” television miniseries filmed where we used to live (where the father goes to get his oldest daughter and is insulted and pushed and told to leave by the younger male as if he had no right to look after his own children), where the little girl turns out to be the clever criminal and killer rather than the suspicious adult males or other characters. Sorry for giving it away but at least I spared you the misery of watching it. And yes, it was supposed to be a serious detective show.
    14. Promotion and Play

      by , 05-06-2015 at 11:04 AM (The Dream Magic Experiment)
      I was in an office. There was an opening for promotion, and the management said that those who think they are eligible for the promotion should go in front. There were a few who went. One of them said that I should also go. I told her I'm not interested. Besides, I'm not into people management and leadership.

      I went outside with some friends. We went to an Internet cafe and found that it's closed. I then just realized I don't have time to play because I still have work to do. We went out looking for another cafe but I was already thinking I couldn't join.

      I was walking around alone. I passed by Keith talking to another guy. I went ahead and walked on all fours on a bridge. A few more steps later, I found that the bridge is ruined. I'll have to jump to the other side. I decided it'll be too much trouble to have to jump back again later so I went back. I passed by Keith again, but this time he's completely nude and lying flat on this stomach while still talking to the other guy.

      ---

      Notes:

      - 3 a.m. to 11 a.m. Alarm was at 8 a.m.
      - Spent a day barely doing any work.
      - Recently saw an ad for job opening at work.
      - A couple of people declined a job.
      - I remembered how I declined a job opening for a leadership position.
      - Keith posted about fangirling on a Backstreet Boy event.
    15. Hill in the Park

      by , 03-06-2015 at 01:52 PM (The Dream Magic Experiment)
      I was walking away from a place. I saw buses. I was trying to choose one to ride. It's daytime. I see many buildings to the side, but no skyscraper.

      I was inside a mall of sorts. I went to a fruit stand.

      I was with Emman. We were in a park. He was walking up hill/bridge. He was wearing really short shorts.

      I was trying to fly using an airball (Avatar Airbender reference).

      ---

      Notes:

      - No alarm, slept at around 1, woke up at around 7 am, but got up at 8.
      - Slept listening to Game Theory. I let it finish.
      Categories
      Uncategorized
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