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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


There is a new Bond movie, within the Daniel Craig 007 universe, but only with secondary characters. Judi Dench is M again which I love but I am so disappointed that Daniel Craig is not in the movie that I curse it.

With Zilla in some deserted place that looks like under a bridge with hideouts. We are supposedly passing by quickly and discreetly, trying to stay safe in an unsafe area, but we spot a couple of bad looking fellas taking an interest in us. She decides we go around them instead of heading straight, to confuse them. But in the meantime we lose sight of them and she says in panic that they are after us. She locks herself in one of a couple little rooms or compartments that exist under this bridge. She didn't say a word but I think she expects me to hide in the next one. But the other one's door is stuck and I just entrap myself there. The two men just appear behind me and they make dirty comments and look at me with bad intentions. I tell them they have to fight me first. Only one fights me, as they think he alone can take me down, but soon I am kicking him hard on the ground. I have steel reinforced boots so he is in deep pain. Then the other guy threatens me with death and he calls out for a whole bunch of guys as back ups. They manage to restrain me and make me their prisoner to torture me a bit psychologically before killing me. One of them is actually a nice guy but kinda stupid and the others take advantage of them. I am trying to bond with him to see if he helps me. One day there is a big kerfuffle between them and I have one chance to run away, but a Chinese dude spots me reaching for the door and tries to kill me with darts. I defend myself with something I use as shield, but I still get hit by a few and feel the pain. I jump a window and realize I was on a train. I find myself at a railroad passage where lots of cops and locals are gathered because people are protesting a construction company destroying some riverbed nearby. They are wrecking a natural protected ecosystem with the support of the municipality and people are outraged. I mingle with them but anyway, the train with the bad guys is long gone.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

With my grandpa on a bus that is on a road parallel to the Tagus river in Santarém. The river is so dry, he feels disturbed. I notice the lack of sand under the pillars of the bridge that crosses the river and soon enough part of the bridge collapses, when we were just at the beginning of it. When we fall, the bus lands partially on a platform at the river bed, but dangerously dangling. I call people to our side of the bus to make it tilt and it stays balanced. Then we realize somehow we and the bus have been shrunk and we are now tiny people in a big world. We don't know what to do but we find other tiny people like us. At first they don't want to help us, but I manage to at least converse with them. They seem fine with being tiny.

(A secret dream about my guru)

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


At a bridge, looking at a map on the phone. I am in California, its nighttime. I am supposed to go see a place that is still a bit far. Because it is late, I choose instead to visit an alternative coffee shop nearby. It has several floors, it is know for famous people going there. I don't see any. Go to the roof terrace, very cool for photos. From there I see a multiplex cinema on the other side of a river. There is a small island in the middle of the river. I go there and find a beautiful young feline there that I become friends with. Not sure what species it is, but looks like a jaguar. Then I see also some babies that she is nursing.

Undercover in a bad neighborhood to expose some drug dealers. There are people of all ethnicities and nationalities living and doing business there. Most are selling clothes, but many are just covers to the real drug business. I go through an alley with a chinese shop and I am approached by two men selling shirts. I have a bunch of money, so I show them trying to expose them as drug sellers. But they just sell me shirts. One guy has good quality clothes but the other tries to sell me an old ripped coat and I reject his offer. He doesn't like my rejection and I feel something is wrong with this, don't understand his game. Later I spot him following me. When night falls he runs towards me in a deserted area but I step aside and push him to the road. He falls on the asphalt and a high speed car runs over him before he can get up.
Then I turn to another street and there is a parade going on and I blend with it. Madonna is leading the parade in a car and part of the theme is Disneyworld and I can't resist to take some photos.

Non-dream stuff - woke up at about 9:00, remembering one long(ish) non-lucid dream. Some details lost.

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Sequence:
I remember being in a variation of my current home. I was in the kitchen. I remember a big man, he was a friend of ours; I think he was of some african ethnicity but he wasn't that dark - he had short hair and brown eyes and big hands; his girlfriend, who was of similar ethnicity was there too? She had long curly hair and brown eyes also. I think the kitchen lights may have been on, but it was day outside, maybe clear but very early.

I remember they were talking and then it turned into an argument and I joined his girlfriend's side of the argument for some reason. Then I asked him to leave, and I realised I was a bit angry, so I immediately calmed myself down, touched him in the arm, as he was upset too, and I said "I'm sorry about that." - then everyone was a bit calmer and for some reason he had this bag full of chestnuts covered in sugar that had been deep-fried. They looked delicious but I commented that they looked nice, but unfortunately my mouth didn't agree because of all the sugar.

I tried to make light of the situation somehow but either way, I then went through the main hall; the front door was open and as I walked out, the scenery was different from what it should be; our side of the street was still a row of terraced houses but the opposite side was just forest/green, and the road was wider (2 lane instead of single lane) and the pavement was much wider. My partner was parked up to the right in the car. To the left was some sort of factory (maybe tire factory, there is one where I live, but not that close).

The factory was not open, as all its (visitor?) parking spaces outside were empty. I thought it had closed for the day, though the dream-time seemed like morning, my assumption was end of day time in the dream. Opposite to the factory parking spaces was a wide bit where a bus/coach could stop. Then the road did a curve as it went on.

My partner was on the phone and had sunglasses on in the car. Opposite me, the other side of the road was some Korean man, he smiled a lot I think. Some children were playing too, I remember a little girl for some reason. I remember my mood outside was a driven one, I was looking for parking for the man inside the house, and I concluded there was none apart from the factory's spaces, so I walked back in and was going to tell him, but I had some doubts it was "ok" to use those spaces, but I think I could hear my partner's voice saying it was fine, because everyone had left. (another hint that the dream time was end of day, really)

Transition of some kind or missing detail...

I remember being with a group of people, my dad was one of the people but I don't remember who else, I think just dream characters. Of note was a man older than my dad. We were in a mall (this could have been a more obvious dream-sign on its own, plus the presence of my dad) and then we went up some concrete stairs and we were in an overhang tunnel, that went over some street or something. It wasn't very long but had angular corners. I walked next to my dad and as we were crossing, he pulled some sort of lever and the tunnel bridge started to rotate its middle section; I looked behind to see if the other DCs were able to get on.

We walked to the other end and there was a stairwell down. Then I remember being outside of there and it was like some sort of campus... I looked around (I can't remember my motivations or intents) and ended up going down some more stairs into a dark place, a subway. The tracks were at the same level as the platform, i.e. there was no stone/concrete lip over the tracks. There were quite a few people at this tiny platform that was no bigger than a small room. The tunnels were equally dark, maybe brighter somehow. I think I had stepped on someone that was sitting down at some point, though I don't remember apologising, for some reason. I couldn't see them, still.

Then I went down more stairs, to a similar sort of platform, also dark and small with several people waiting. I realised I was in the wrong place "that's the yellow line... I want the blue line" I thought, after seeing a yellow line along the tracks. I went up a level again and concluded that platform wasn't right either. I had the impression that each track was for the same line but went opposite directions.

I got out to the surface again, this campus place, but everything looked... fake, almost plastic-like. I walked along the pavements between the grassy bits and there were people around. I reached a point that had one of those blocks you can hit from Super Mario. The dream started to look a bit Minecraft-y, with voids in certain spots on the ground, sky visible. I fell down by accident into a small void pit but fortunately there were some stone blocks there. I climbed up the opposite side and continued walking.

Dream details are starting to go really fuzzy now, remaining memories of particular note only being one of a sword or something and of walking into a different place.

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Notes:

• When I was thinking why I didn't want the chestnuts the reason was a valid waking-life reason, as I currently have some mouth ulcers that I really shouldn't "feed".
• It is peculiar that chestnuts appeared, especially prepared in such an unusual way. I haven't had chestnuts in quite a while, but I haven't been thinking about them. It may be an automatic craving, as this is about the right time of the year, when we used to have chestnuts at my childhood home.
• The Korean man was a waking-life remnant because a friend of ours was discussing the North Korean leader in passing conversation last night.
• The subway, tracks, etc all were very obvious dream-signs that I missed as always. As I was thinking about that part when I was writing it, I was realising that when I've seen trains recently (mostly in games) I've never remembered to do a RC.

Non-dream stuff - I have a lucid fragment, that occurred at an unknown time. Then, just a non-lucid dream that I've forgotten details on.

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Lucid fragment:
It was dim. I see my left hand and count 6 fingers, the extra finger being conjoined with the pinky or ring finger. I have a brief realisation that I'm dreaming, visually the dream starts to disappear into darkness and it feels like I bump into something, and then just the nothingness of unconsciousness until the next dream memory.

Dream fragment:
I remember arriving at a street with my partner, in the car. I suggest we park on some spots close to these terraced houses on the street. The layout is a bit like a corner but it makes more sense in the dream context than it would in waking life. The bit I suggested we park the car on, turns out is for disabled only. In the dream I remember thinking that I really need to do something to get that sorted out, the thought felt like it was more conscious than other parts of the dream.

We park somewhere else a bit further and then I remember approaching the terraced houses, and one of them is actually a bank, and I bought that specific one, apparently. The house door was 60 something, and in the dream context I notice or remember that a friend of ours who's been staying over with us, is living over at door 57, which is around the corner, which again doesn't make sense in a real layout, since it technically would be a different street, the numbers shouldn't add up like that.

I remember being inside the bank-turned-house and noticing glass with red painted stripes, as with a particular bank, and for some reason the house is connected directly to another one that was also from the same bank but hadn't been sold. I remember turning something on or looking for something to eat and feeling like it was odd that I could see a bank agent across the way.

In the dream I was satisfied with how the house looked, though it was pretty bare; mostly shiny tiles and glass.

Later on in the dream I remember walking with my partner again, over some sort of low roof (less than a story high), which was used as a public bridge or something. My mom was at the opposite end, sitting with her legs crossed; as we got closer she looked at me and smiled and told me something. I remember people going past us on the left, using the "bridge". It was day-time through the entire dream, but at first it was cloudy and then it must have been less cloudy near the end because there were more bright streaks.

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No notes for now, feeling quite tired.

Non-dream stuff; couldn't remember any dreams yesterday. Today I woke up at about 8 but forgot dreams so got up and did something before getting back in bed and then remembering the following non-lucid fragment.

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Fragment:

I remember I had a camera-like perception and that I was seeing some recorded footage from a car in New York. People were talking about the footage, and it was like one of those CSI programmes. I don't remember the footage very well other than it was the car going on to a bridge, then making a U-turn and then starting to drive off. Then I was at the bridge place and there was a blonde woman in a red dress, whom was implied by the dream context to be a hooker, and she looked pretty clueless but was related to the car thing, especially given the fact she was in the middle of the initial stretch of the bridge road.

Then I moved away from the bridge, to a T-intersection with it, or rather that its road made with another, and saw 2 blue camouflage soldiers diverting traffic and telling everyone to not come closer. They had an RPG-Launcher on their left hand and a typical American assault rifle on their right hand, which made me wonder how they would be able to appropriately fire the RPG at an incoming tank or something. They had blue helmets, too.

In the distance, I saw some skyscrapers, and a certain one behind another had something funny about its logo that was related to whatever was going on at the bridge, but its like nobody else had made the connection, though I don't remember details.

It was day for the entirety of the dream.

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Some notes:

• I've never been to New York, and in fact have really only ever seen it in games and police tv dramas.
• The blue camo soldiers were more than likely some sort of U.N. force.
• I am not sure that I ever had a physical representation in this dream, so I'm not sure how a RC would have worked.
• The soldiers looked a bit bored and somewhat agitated at the same time.

The earliest dream I remember I was in Charlottesville over by the chipotle/taco bell but instead of those places it was a very empty parking lot with a Burger King. It seemed to be very early in the morning, about 3am or so. I was there trying to order food, I think eventually I did.

Later on in that dream I'm in this building. It was sort of like a base, it seemed to me to be almost like a summer camp in a way. We were inside in this hallway that on one end had doors to lead outside and on the other side had stairs that led downstairs to this open area that had an arcade in it. I was part of a squadron of people, mostly guys from my high school. I was wearing goggles that were video recording everything I was seeing or doing. We were planning some sort of mission and I was walking around to each person and video taping them through the goggles that were higher up than my eyes but I somehow could still shift between the goggles and my own eyes. At some point I passed this girl in our group and all of the guys started to look amazed at her because the idea was she never dressed up or put on makeup or something like that so everyone was astonished to see she had done so. She was wearing full camo and had a buzz cut hair cut, I believe she was sitting down. She might've had blue eyes.

As i'm doing this down the stairs, I turn around and see a big drill sergeant dude barking orders at my friend Sam H. The guy looked sort of like my forensics accounting professor, had a shaved head and was very strong. He was being sort of a dick to Sam and Sam wasn't taking any of it. He started to talk back and the drill sergeant threatened to beat him up. I got a dream feeling like "oh shit now we've done it, we're in trouble" that I rarely if ever get IRL. I run up next to Sam and say "so you're just going to solve all of your problems with violence huh?" That really ticked off the guy. Several other people from our group started standing next to us. We knew we were gonna take some heavy damage but if we all worked together we'd take the guy on. He jumped at us and threw us all into the arcade place. We were busting machines left and right. A couple of guys got him on the ground and I managed to get in a couple of quick hits before he threw everyone off. The dream ended.

My last dream I was out in the country. There was a river that flowed underneath a bridge and then an old house that was sort of like a castle. The river went under the bridge and flowed right next to a back entrance into the house. I'm in the house on the top floor trying to find a key. I was going to go to some sort of river ride or something and I needed a key to make sure I didn't lock myself out of the house. I'm looking around and can't find it. Eventually, I'm outside walking next to the river on the left. There are barns and houses in the distance. I see people are taking care of cattle and some are playing in the water. I'm walking next to the river when I see a couple discussing something. Apparently it was like some sort of commercial about stds and the girl is telling the guy she has some sort of disease. I was in the water searching for the key when I decide to go back to the house. Walking up the stairs, I take the place of a girl who thought she had gotten a disease from someone else, specifically the random guy that I roomed with when I studied in China. Then I realized I was a guy and that story made no sense to me.

I was checking behind doors looking for the key. Each door lead to an empty room or closet. I opened one and behind it was a dirty closet, and I could barely make out this little rat person thing. It was hard to explain but pretty much it was the size of a cat or dog but looked like a bald person. It was weeping in the corner behind a piece of wood that was leaning up against the wall.

Suddenly, a giant rat jumped from out of the back of the closet and I went flying backwards, landing on my bed. Now, I was in my bed that I was sleeping in IRL, but I could hear this terrifying growling noise. I'm lying down and looking up I can barely see this giant rat at the end of my bed. He was facing sideways but was watching me. The growling was loud, and every time I tried to get up or stretch to get a better look, the rat would growl even louder and act like he was going to pounce at any moment. Eventually I get the courage to get up and the rat attacks me, but I'm able to throw it off. I look back in that closet but am very nervous that another rat is gonna be there. At the end of the dream I look down on a desk in the middle of the attic and see a key sitting there.

In this dream, I'm my early childhood self, and might be set during my childhood as well, but there were some moments where it seamlessly transitioned to my adult self today and then back.

The dream starts off during childhood. I'm at my grandmother (dad's mom). I'm upstairs playing with legos. I make a very complex construction, a sort of house, but then I run out of lego blocks since it's so large and I get bored. I go downstairs and talk to my grandmother. She says "why don't you play outside? the weather is nice", and I go outside.

I run around the neighborhood. The neighborhood has a sidewalk and a few bushes and grass patches, but as a child, I perceived it as being much larger and complex than it actually is, and that's the way I perceived it in the dream. Instead of just a linear sidewalk, it's a sort of square maze filled with sidewalks, bushes and grass, and with no street in sight. The weather is warm and it's all around a very serene experience.

At some point during that, the dream seems to suddenly transition to the adult era, and I get a phone call on my android. It's an invitation from my colleagues to go dine somewhere in the evening at the expense of the company, and I agree to join. During dusk in the maze, I look for the exit to go to the restaurant. By the time the sun is down, I'm in the city and I find my colleagues sitting at a terrace table, waving at me to catch my attention. I join the table, and opposite of me sits my old colleague, who I worked closely together with, but left the company years ago.

While we were waiting for the food, two colleagues were having an argument about something. At some point I get sick of it and I logically analyze their arguments bit by bit, trying to find the core essence of their disagreement. I point out a contradiction. One of them says, in a comically formal yet non-sarcastic tone, "thank you. I'm glad we were able to resolve that."

The waiter comes to our table and asks us individually what sauce we want with our steak. I had pepper sauce in mind, but my colleague sitting opposite of me says "I'll take the azuré sauce". I never heard of that before. The waiter was now awaiting my response, and in a snap decision, I also went for the "azuré sauce". A bit later we were served our meal. On the plate was a steak lying in a pool of this mysterious azuré sauce. It didn't look very delicious. It was thick and looked like something brown with small pieces of carrot in it, whatever it was. Anyway, visually it was quite reminding of fecal matter. I smelled it, and it smelled very bad, like vinegar. I wasn't gonna like this, but I picked that sauce, so it'd be awkward to pretend that I don't want it now. Fortunately, there was only a thin layer of it on the steak, the bulk of it was beside it. I took the steak with my fork and moved it out of the sauce. This left a hole into the sauce because it was so thick. I ate the steak, trying to stomach the little bit of sauce that was on top of it. When we were done eating, I felt a little nauseated. I said to the colleague "well, that sauce was certainly interesting... what is it made of?". He laughed, and he said "well, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'll just say this: ever since you took that steak off of it, it's been trying to slowly crawl off your plate!". I looked at the sauce again and saw 2 fisheyes in it with 2 small tentacles between them. I lifted this sauce up with my fork and saw that underneath, there was the foot of a seaslug! Then obviously I felt even more nauseated. (I'm on antibiotics for my illness right now, and that's actually giving me a bit of nausea in real life, that probably explains that part of the dream)

Anyway, after that highly unpleasant experience, we were drinking. I was drinking vodka. The location of the terrace seems to have changed a bit at this point, and we were now sitting by an alleyway. I was telling my colleagues about the warzone in Ukraine. I pointed out to them that actually, we sitting right near the border of Ukraine right now, and if you look carefully into the alleyway, you'll see some broken floor tiles, and that's because of all the bombing going on.

I drink some more vodka and get a little drunk. Because I'm drunk, I accidentally push the bottle off the table as I tried to grab it. The bottle fell and shattered, and I saw a cop coming for me out of the alleyway. I said "oh shit" and ran away into the streets of the city. On the street was a random low brick pedestal. I stood on the pedestal and I pretended to be a street light. The cop was deceived, was guarding around for a little while, and then left. I got off the pedestal and thought "haha, what a dumbass!".

I continued further down the city and I reached the pedestrian bridge. The world seems to have transitioned back to childhood mode at this point. When I was a child, I loved that pedestrian bridge, because much like the neighborhood sidewalk, it seemed much more mazelike to me than it really is. So again, I'm strolling around on a bridge-themed maze hanging over the Schelde river, trying to find the way to the other side.

When I reached the other side, I was near my old school, and I saw a bulky guy there. He looked like a bully, but he was strangely friendly as I talked to him. I had a double feeling about him, though. At some point, he sighed "well, time to go back into my bunny suit, I guess... one more hint: try to get inside!" I didn't know what he meant by any of that. He walked away into a small garage. The gate closed, and opened again shortly after. Out came a monster, and he was like the bully, but he was a large evil cyborg rabbit. He bottom half was a mechanical contraption, like a robot or tank. But top half and the head was a very bulky bunny's. A boss theme from Metal Gear Solid 2 started to play. He went toward a place that contained 4 tablet pc's on pedestals. He took out a flamethrower and started to melt them down. I realized that I needed to protect these tablet pc's, so I took out an AK47 and shot him, but he was invulnerable. The tablets all broke and I saw a game over screen.

I was frustrated and looked up a walkthrough on the internet. The walkthrough says that he's actually a puzzle boss and there's a secret way to beat him. Before he gets into the gate, you can throw your cap at him and he will be mind controlled. So that's what he meant with that hint! He was trying to help me in stopping him from destroying the tablets by proxy. So I tried that, threw my cap, garage gate closed and opened again. This time, I was in the bunny's first person view which had a terminator-like hud. I was now controlling his mind. However, I wasn't sure what to do to kill him. I couldn't use the flamethrower on myself. I looked around in a bunch of closets and found my mom's perfume closet. I saw a bottle of perfume in there, and I thought "if he drinks this, he's probably going to get very ill and die". I had him drink the perfume, became a bit nauseated again, but I realized that that wasn't enough to kill him. So I grabbed another bottle of vodka and chugged it down all at once. Then he became very drunk, and fell off into the depths. I beat the boss battle, and that's where the dream ended.

Morning December 7, 2017. Thursday.



With water induction, I find myself walking over a walkway made up of boards of various lengths. It is also implied to be a road (or low-set bridge) for cars (though only one passes from the opposite direction at times to where I move out of the way a short distance), over water (either the ocean or a large lake), though I remain unsure of the location. Walking with me to my immediate left is an unknown male in his late twenties. He reminds me of an otherwise younger John Leguizamo (though I seem to be much younger as well).

“Be careful, it’s a pigeon,” he tells me. A mostly black pigeon walks across the walkway, perpendicular to us, and from my left to my right. John’s spoken statement causes me to become a bit more aware, but I do not understand the relevance.

Looking at him, his face seems to remain frozen, with an annoying grin. “Is it now?” I say, but he does not respond.

I am trying to grasp the situation when I realize that it has something to do with “not letting a pigeon cross your path”, though this is otherwise distorted from the nonsensical “black cat” superstition.

Looking at him again, his face is in a different annoying expression, also somewhat like a grin.

I decide to “not let the pigeon cross my path” by turning right and following the pigeon, as it had apparently stopped and is walking slowly. Still, this will lead me off the side of the walkway if I continue. Instead, I find myself walking on my bed. There is a strange falling sensation as if my body was not fully perceived. I am concerned that I fell atop Zsuzsanna, but this is only a false awakening.

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Decoding template follows:

• Dream type and explanation: This dream uses “return flight waking symbolism”, which is created when the physicality of the conscious self identity is ambiguously perceived prior to the RAS (reticular activating system) neural gating that regulates the sleep-wake transition. Consequently, the dream self identity subliminally anticipates falling, rising, sustained flight, or other illusory movement based on the misperception of the vestibular system’s equilibrium dynamics.
• Dream state induction type: Water (most common, at least once per sleeping period).
• Dream state indicators: The bed (in the false awakening).
• Liminal space symbol: The walkway over the water and the false awakening setting.
• Preconscious factor: John Leguizamo.
• Liminal space cessation trigger: Contemplating illusory nonsense while in the dream state itself (yet not realizing it).
• Flight symbol to dream exit point (symbolic waking transition): The pigeon as “returning” me to my bed, symbolized in my dream by the false awakening. (Typically, the preconscious points out this dream feature as such, which here, I become annoyed at, probably out of liminal dream state awareness in not wanting to wake yet.)
• Liminal dream control seems to be a partial element, evidenced by my “freezing” (and sustaining) of the preconscious and implementing my own focus of choice, even though it otherwise manifests my false awakening into the offset dream.
• “And they try to pigeon hole in you in hollywouldnt but dont u let them!” - John Leguizamo.

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Morning of August 24, 2017. Thursday.



My dream begins with the most common form of dream state induction; the presence of water, in this case, an unknown river. (This is based on circadian biology and the glymphatic system, whereby at least one dream per night for over fifty years has featured water, not including the numerous water-based hypnagogic dream sequences, which number in the hundreds each sleeping period.)

I am standing and looking out over this unfamiliar river in seemingly late morning. There is a wooden bridge present, but it does not go all the way across the river. A helicopter flies in from my right and drops off a young version of my wife Zsuzsanna. My dream self is not fully aware of her identity, though I am uncertain of my dream self’s implied age. Zsuzsanna is on the outside of the two-tiered wooden railing, on my right and facing to the left in profile, appearing to do some work on it by tightening the bolts. I think about helping, but I am unsure how to get to where she presently is, as the walkway now seems fully underwater. This seems somewhat unusual, as I vaguely puzzle over why a railing would be fixed when the walkway itself is underwater. Another section of the bridge, which includes a ladder, is also submerged.

Time passes, and Dean Norris, the actor, appears. I do not see him as a celebrity but as a bystander, though possibly associated with the repair of the bridge.

Somehow, though this would certainly not be possible in real life (or even consciously resolvable in method), I lift a large section of the walkway up from the water, the farthest edge towards me, while I am still standing on the riverbank, though squatting slightly at one point. It seems more like a square platform constructed of small logs, the orientation of the logs parallel to the river bank.

An alligator, its head oriented opposite from the riverbank, surprises me by swimming out from under where the section was (yet there is a vague awareness of instinctual dream control suggesting that I created the alligator, and this is further evidenced by the alligator not being perceived as a danger or being the coalescence-based waking prompt). I am wary at first, but it does not attack or show much aggression. Instead, it swims back down under the surface. I tell Dean that there are other alligators in the river, though farther away from where we are. He does not comment.

“My father built this bridge,” I say to him, somewhat absentmindedly.

“Your dad built this bridge?” he replies without emotion.

“…and he built a lot of utility buildings,” I add.

I rethink what I had just said. Although I know that my father built a lot of park utility buildings, bathrooms, and rest stop shelters, I am unsure if he was involved in the building of this bridge as it was first constructed and that he may have only worked on it years after it was built. I consider that he may have been a part of a team of builders, but I then consider if the bridge had first been built in the 1800s (though I really have no knowledge of when it was built). If so, I consider if Dean was puzzled by my comment, but we do not talk much after this. I consider if Dean will bring in men in speedboats to cull the alligators, but this is not certain.

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Ordinarily, a bridge symbolizes the progression from dreaming to waking (as well as possibly representing the biological construction of a new memory or neural pathway) though sometimes seemingly represents a potentially prescient timeline. There seem to be two preconscious factors here (Dean and the alligator), both atypically passive (though this may be due to instinctual dream control). However, the dynamics are a bit curious, as Dean may be coalesced into the interconsciousness.

Submerged walkways are otherwise common in my dreams (and have been since early childhood) as a natural result of circadian biology and water symbolizing the dynamics of sleep in real time. A helicopter is a common symbol in my dreams that is linked to Merkaba energies and gamma brain waves in a similar way as a tornado often is, though it typically relates to “return flight” waking symbolism (though here it may relate to Zsuzsanna being in the waking stage while I remain asleep, seemingly validated by her arriving by helicopter, being on the outside of the railing and tightening it - becoming more aware in her emergent consciousness and outside of my ephemeral dream self incarnation).

I am not certain as to why the preconscious so often appears as a celebrity (sometimes recognized as themselves, sometimes recognized only as a fictional character they have played, sometimes as an ordinary person with no celebrity association as in this dream - there seems to be no determining factor as to why this is other than concurrent threads of available memory). It may be due to the transpersonal element or how the preconscious is completely different from the conscious self identity (though this seems deliberate to subliminally begin to initiate dream state realization in how neither the dream self nor conscious self is anything at all like the preconscious - which often creates conflict or emotional augmentation of enough energy to trigger waking).

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Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

Morning of April 26, 2017. Wednesday.



There were previous scenes at a different level of consciousness, but I more vividly find myself walking in an unfamiliar area. It seems as if it might be some sort of low-set bridge. I am not focused on where I am going. It may be to the shopping mall. There are no buildings around. There is a large expanse of water to my left. It is daylight out though I am not sure of the implied time. It may be morning.

Eventually, I notice one other person about half-a-block’s distance ahead of me. Getting closer, I see that it is my wife Zsuzsanna’s sister Judy. She seems wary at first, until she realizes who I am, but keeps walking.

My attention falls on the water. There are a large number of birds that are mostly all the same, mostly a mix of dark gray, black, white, and blue. Some of them are on the surface of the water, somewhat duck-like (though I am not sure what kind of a bird they are). About an equal number of birds, I can see under the water, their heads upward just to the underside of the surface. This imagery continues as I walk at least the equivalent of two city blocks. I find it curious, even somewhat peculiar, but it is a beautiful scene. The birds under the water do not move that much but may be feeding on the same food source that the birds above the water are looking for or eating. Thus, there is a vague sense of ambiguity.

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This is a curious liminal space transition (especially as I seem to be walking on some sort of bridge) that mixes water induction (with subliminal awareness of being asleep) and the anticipatory (yet also subliminal) consciousness shift symbol (the birds). I find it interesting how nearly identical imagery seems to be rendered in each area of the water as I walk along.

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#1: I was dead. I was looking down @ my partial body body laying in a marsh along a river. I see my legs & feet. It's disturbing. Locals are saying they accidentally killed me. I'm watching all of this unfold. I see a cop handling the investigation. I feel like he has got this & there will be answers. He says she'd been thrown off of the bridge & ended up in a marsh. I rarely see any part of myself in a dream & I don't remember ever looking at myself like this, especially in this context.Meesha Cat woke me up.

D2: I was w/ my parents & we were @ some kind of reception area. It's circular & you walk down to a row of tables & down again for the next row & down one more time for the bottom row. It reminds me of "The Love Boat" tv show on the cruise ship for some reason, lol. It was really elegant. It was just normal family conversations that I would've had as a child going somewhere w/ my parents but we are all adults here. My mom is worried about what ppl will think & are told not to embarrass her, lol. Thank God she is more relaxed & enjoying life now & not all uptight. Meesha Cat woke me up again.

D3: I was @ this restaurant by the beach kind of place. It looke like a version of an old clam bake except men were diving in to catch fresh fish w/ some odd looking sieve bucket or something. They were catching things like squid & yucky stuff. No seafood that tastes good like lobster or something. A man sitting at my table was going to get to try his hand at it. He finally gets to go in & I get to come closer. It looks like a cement wall is barely flowing water over it. It was really interesting how they utilized the sea/ocean in such a way to make an entertaining dining experience. Meesha Cat is waking me up a 3rd time tonight. I'm not happy with her.

I didn't have a lucid tonight but lately I have been picking up speed again with them after my break. I just finished my second journal over this past year since March but most of it looks like gibberish until I put it on here.

I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

Another fragment—
I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

Thoughts:
This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.

Morning of July 2, 2016. Saturday.



In my dream, my wife Zsuzsanna and family as we are now are living in an unfamiliar and unknown location. I need to go to the grocery store before it closes, as it is late at night. Even though the location is unfamiliar, I seem to somehow know where I am going when I leave our house.

I walk mainly down a sidewalk in an area where there are no buildings. I am headed towards a bridge that is perhaps half a block long. On my right, across the street, I notice a ninja in black jump up onto the bridge railing after it seems he had come from the middle of the street ahead. At first, I had thought he might be approaching me, thus I remain wary. I am not sure if it is a teenager intent on attacking and robbing me though that feeling is not that strong as I keep walking. It may be that he has no intentions toward me. This remains unclear.

I seem to discern another person ahead of me and in lighter clothes, but walking towards me. However, this person seems to either disappear or also cross the street to the other side. I have a vague impression he may be connected to the ninja as part of a gang. Still, nothing threatening happens. The ninja remains on the railing in a squatting position.

There is an odd and atypical dream within a dream where I am reading about an older male from China concerning some sort of anecdote of the author’s. This occurs as I am walking but my dream goes back to the original setting after a short time.

Eventually, I cross to the right side of the street and enter the unfamiliar grocery store. An unfamiliar and unknown Asian girl is the cashier at the one counter across from where the shelves are. There is one aisle on the other side. Even though the store seems to be closed at this point I tell her I will not be long. There is a shift, and I already have two small bags of groceries without any recall of either picking them up or paying. I then tell her, as I am heading toward the doors, that I need to get one more thing, a box of cereal.

I find myself going to an area that is apparently in the back of the store. I notice that it is a mess, with various items strewn across the floor to my left. Otherwise, there is not that much on the shelves. I walk out back to being near the counter and ask her where the cereal is and she makes a note of it being on the other side of the main area. I notice a box of cereal (at the top of the shelf) which is Weet-Bix but mostly cinnamon flavored and consider that I will just grab that. I still do not have full recollection of paying for anything as I leave, though my dream fades from there.

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I have had other dreams where a certain part of a grocery store was messy or under construction or repair. It may relate to improper diet and the under construction aspect may relate to healing and cellular repair - or, it may just be incidental to the transient nature of the dream state. Shopping for food dreams are fairly common for me.

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A bridge typically represents a consciousness shift within the dream state. This is validated in this case by the ninja in black jumping up onto the bridge railing before I cross the bridge (though again, across the street from me yet seemingly just appearing from the middle of the street), which seems to be a less interactive form of the waking precursor. In this case, the ninja may be a curious variation of my own shadow form that has appeared in a number of dreams since early childhood, primarily in two forms, both forms implied to be my own shadow (regardless of how far away or even being of a different orientation). In the one form, it seems to be “matched” to my dream self as I test to see if it is my dream self’s shadow and in the other form, it seems to be my conscious self (doing different things than my dream self) looking into my dream and watching my dream self. However, even in the former, it seems related to a subtle awareness of conscious activity and emerging (that is, growing and clarifying) self-awareness.