Recent DJ Posts

5th November 2021

Dream:

Later bit, disjointed. JC discovered he's suffering from macaquism (made-up dream thing?) after he was "enlightened", in his words, about my condition. Then, we get to start on drawing class, it's like at college/high school but different room and layout.

Earlier. In a city, L? Cobbled and semi-narrow pavements. I'm going to the bank. There's been some disaster and the building across the way from the bank looks like it's partly exploded and I want to take photos. It's night time and I fiddle on with my camera and the poor lighting. People are gathered nearby and I sort of make my way through and past them, having apparently forgotten my goal. I go far enough to find firefighters and such who are now off duty.

The sky/light is getting brighter? Not as dark now, early day. There's some kind of secondary blast and it makes me jump a little. At the end of the way there are some school kids fighting amongst themselves, blaming each other for something. I turn back after I get a small hit of flying vomit from the kids, although I did not have line of sight to what was actually going on. I go past the bank again now, noticing that it has been damaged too. At this point I remember about wanting to go to the bank but realise I can't so I carry on. I have thoughts about my family, maybe if they're wondering about what's taking me so long.

At one point, there's some villain. I get into a situation where I'm now inside the bank building and I get herded around with other people, wrong place wrong time. I mostly find all of this to be annoying more than anything else. We're made to get off the building by something like a fire escape stair but it doesn't go down far enough. A young woman just jumps down and injures herself, knocked out. I understand that would be foolish to repeat and so instead I climb down more carefully by holding the railings and effectively dropping a much shorter distance, and safely.

Then something about a hero being needed (some narration?), and sure enough a single one answers the call. It's a middle-aged man, not confident in his role as a hero. He doesn't trust that his devices will be enough. (Intrusion, partly related to my thoughts over the years about Batman) Equally, I am not very confident in this hero's ability myself. He seems willing to try, regardless.

(Recall gap?)

Some bit later on, sort of at the old home. Something in the balcony of my old room. There are weird bugs, leaf bugs, I think I tell dad. And other weird black skittering centipede things, but kind of fat. They are having a war of some kind between some spiders, big and small. I think to myself that the only answer to this will be mass destruction. I think of what chemical would both be at hand and also appropriate in terms of effectiveness.

Notes:

- I remember carrying my replica gladius around in the dream, for a large portion of it.

- The last bit with the bugs fighting the arachnids at first glance seems to relate to thoughts that more developed species or cultures may have at any point about less developed ones, say if some highly advanced species visited us or vice versa. Like many other things though, I am noticing that this is a pattern (of thought in this case) that is abstract and can be applied in a multitude of different but similar contexts; in a sense relating to concepts of macrocosmos vs. microcosmos and how they mirror each other.

- Although I didn't make note of it in my initial notes, I get the impression I was lucid for some of this dream, but I don't recall thinking of this as a lucid on waking. There were certain pre-lucid elements and it may have just been a case of higher awareness closer to the required threshold for lucidity.

- I don't know what the supposed illness JC had might have been in terms of symptoms, as I didn't notice anything specifically. Thematically, it all seemed to be a bit about the ability for someone else to understand the difficulties of some illnesses based on having their own experiences with an illness.

- Despite my low level of confidence in him and his own low level, the middle-aged hero persisted in his role. Heroism is not necessarily about bravery but sometimes maybe about the lack of freedom of choice? Plus, the role of a hero is not necessarily easy or by choice anyway? Many "heroes" the world have seen have been posthumously awarded the honour and in life were often not recognised. This dream as a whole had more themes about death (and life) than I realised or noticed at first: My friend's illness, implied to be lifelong; the exploded building with a subsequent explosion; the woman who jumped off trying to get away, knocking herself out; the hero who may face his doom, seemingly left with no choice; the bugs fighting their own wars, ignorant to a higher intelligence intent on destroying them all.
-- I feel that in the last few months I've had a lot of dreams relating to death and the state of post-death, sometimes very much in a "what if" way, all of it seemingly relating to my questions to myself about legacy (framed as: "should I die today, then...?").

1/1/20

My friend V buys a restaurant with money he has saved. It seems to be an old run down chinese buffet. Has no idea how to run it because he has no real experience in restaurants. The whole building is very dirty with stains along the floorboards badly lit and broken ceiling tiles. All of the dishes they cook are baked whole chicken breasts with noodles and cheese. People are confused about the fare but I gather it's the only thing they know how to cook.

At a certain point they run out of ice cream and people are getting pissed about the lack of chocolate ice cream. I try sampling the different foods they have set out and put the plates on the table I am eating at. I make a dessert bowl with three brownies and chocolate sauce two times in a row because I knock the first one on the floor accidentally.

V is sitting with me asking me what I think about the whole thing and how the food tastes. I tell him having a recipe book is one of the most important parts to running a restaurant, to ensure everything they cook is standardized and reproducible. He is surprised and likes my advice, he asks me to come back tomorrow to look things over and help him get things set up better. My parents seem to choose to eat here so we are sitting together. They don't know my friend owns the place but are quickly somewhat let down by the overall layout of the place.

We are talking about the dinner service later on and Jennifer Aniston is sitting across the table from me. She commends me for letting things crash somewhat when people get upset about the desserts. She tells me they made cream with ice and salt to make some homemade chocolate ice cream for the unhappy people and they enjoyed it. A Chinese server still working there is disgusted by the food and keeps pre bussing my table before I am done eating what's on my table.


I am in a futuristic town/downtown walking around down the street. I am with a friend at first but end up alone eventually. It is a very crowded street with many colours and close packed shops of various shapes. At a certain point we are riding on the back trunk of a car for a while, then the car gets towed and lifted up at an angle so we jump off and go into an exciting looking building to the left.

It is a large purple/crimson coloured walls with streamlined edges and various levels with seats and stand up games along the walls. I am in a sci-fi looking arcade type area. It is dimly lit with only the soft redish glow illuminating the walls and walkways. There are many people sitting around all facing a giant screen in the ceiling in one section of the room. I wonder if they are all in vr. I don't see the screen right away so I am unsure what they are l doing, but it feels like a theatre of some kind.

I sit off to the side on a rounded couch/curve in the wall which is like a ledge at knee level. Someone comes up to me and attempting to bond with me talking about something I don't understand. They have small children with them who latch onto my legs like children do. I have a small cloth ball that has a bright light which is visible when I turn it inside out. I shine the light on them trying to get them all to go away. I get shhhh'd by someone in the audience. I attempt to walk to the doorway, trying to shake the children off my legs gently before walking through. The door slightly cracks and I see light and a crowded sidewalk outside. But then I come back into the theatre arcade. I wonder out loud what everyone is watching that could be so enthralling. Someone close to me tells me it is the feeling of forgiveness. As I look up to the ceiling/high wall rounded area where everyone else is watching I see a mass of screens appear. They are all different sizes with each side boxed together. They all have a different moment of tv or movies on them, both cartoons and live action. I recognize every scene. It imparts emotion to my insides when I watch. I feel a strong emotion just looking up for the few seconds I am standing there. I feel forgiveness. I then decide to leave the room and walk through the swaying doors into the brightly lit outside sidewalk.

I continue down the sidewalk by the street. There are still many people wearing many colours. There are also stores I don't recognize. First I think I don't have my phone because I don't feel it. Checking again just to be sure I feel it deep in my pocket but don't take it out. No one to call anyway. I wander aimlessly for a while. Finally see a goofy sciencey party type store with flamboyant decorations on the outside. There are large long balloons of various colours on the walls in a gallery type fashion. I gather it is a balloon animal store. But they also have like science museum trinkets for sale, like balls floating on air and astrolabes and globes of the earth and kites ect.

I notice the balloons are wider than usual. I know how to make balloon animals IWL and tell the person working, who looks like a middle aged woman who is dressed like a male clown. They are entertaining another customer flicking uninflated balloons at each other. I pick one up and begin to blow it up by mouth. It inflate to 5 times the width they usually are, but they keep popping on me. The person working has gas in tanks they use to blow them up for an order they are working on. I gather they do custom orders of oversized balloon animals for parties and such. It's really a great idea. I say 'hey man I really like your store'. The worker just gives me an annoyed look out of the corner of her eye. I gather I have mis-pronouned her. But I find it silly cause I call both genders man.

They nod knowingly so I turn to walk back out to the crowded street. The sun is setting in a gleaming glow off the glass buildings and street lamps. The street is still filled with people hustling their own directions chattering indiscriminately. I am still walking down the street when the dream fades.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening



Meet my father at a train station. He is using crutches and we need to take elevator down. Problem is, dozens of people are taking the elevators and at some point they break. The other people could use the stairs but most just wait for the technician to fix it. Meanwhile we all stand at a balcony that is dangerously giving in to the weight of all the people waiting. My dad assures it is safe, but I try to really stay out of it.

Meeting a group of friends. V. Palmeirim and some other famous dude join in the group. They don't seem to know me. I notice we all are wearing shirts with white and blue patterns, stripes, waves and checkers. I suggest a group photo and we make some nice poses.
We then stay at someone's place. A couple of my friends, Zilla and some other, want to go on an urgent mission to Porto, but it is late in the evening and I warn that we will be out all night if we go now. We take a cab, but the driver stops somewhere to pick up something and delays us even further, so the girls change their mind and agree it is too late to go out on such journey. Back home they are still making contacts and checking other ways to go, but meanwhile we start watching "Across the Universe" on tv and time passes. I say "no way we are going now. It's 10 pm." Then I notice Jaime is among the friends and he also just spotted me watching the film and singing along and he looks like his heart melted. In the morning I go out to the nearby chinese supermarket to buy some stuff. The staircase and lobby of this building is from the 50s and majestic. Everything is grand and high ceiling and huge open space. I am joined by my dog Hachi who is hanging around for no reason. We hug really tight and then he joins me for a walk in the garden of some museum close by.

-1(L)-I did a nose plug RC, then became lucid. This was near a large, church-like school building surrounded by standard fence. There were a ton of DCs around, so I ran out through the open gate into the field to avoid distracting elements. While I ran, I started my routine. However, despite my efforts, DCs spawned in the field too and tried to talk to me. I eventually forgot I was dreaming. I think I was trying too hard to shun every character away without think about my situation. Since the focus was on characters, I eventually lost lucidity.

Then, a storylike emerged about Doctor Who and the same building from earlier, except now it was old and abandoned. I had to sprint back to the building from where I was in the field, so that I wouldn’t get taken over by a skydiving alien. It was hard to run normally, so I had to pull on the grass to increase my speed. (this has happened at least a hundred times. I’m not sure why it hasn’t clicked.) I don’t remember what my task was inside this building.

-2-I was watching Mumbo Jumbo play some Hermitcraft—he had taken on a challenge to build a vertical base entirely contained in a 10w x 256h x 10l volume. Not a bad idea, actually.
-3-I was on a Federation starship inside a hallway or sorts; there was a room-spanning window with controls all along it. Grant Imahara was at a control panel, talking about a rare wormhole in front of the ship. I replied,
“Oh sure wormholes are rare in Star Trek.” Something happened to him after I said that. Maybe he fell into the wormhole.
Time: 1-2 minutes

My husband was seeing someone else. We were polyamorous but I was unhappy. He and a woman and some other friends went to comedy show without me. I was devastated.
Walking down street trying to get to apt 4 at night. Raining? My best friend from high school [C] was my roommate but moving back to Europe with a grant to write something. We never talked although we lived together.

I was at a class– Spelling? Woman with baby used buzzer instead if clapping for asking questions. My husband and his girlfriend were in class before me
I told his gf how unhappy I was after I talked to my husband and asked him if it had to be this way. No one cared about my feelings.

My dog was locked in a room. It had a glass window, like recording booth. I somehow got her out and she turned into a large grey spider. I wanted her to change back, so I held onto her. Someone else there saw her and recognized bug as a 'world burther.'

Thought I saw my husband in a red [unreadable] with a baby going, to a show in a crowd of people. I ran up and hugged him but it wasn't him.

A strange man told me to come to the show to watch out for my husband. I began thinking I might divorce him. I thought about asking my parents if I could move in with them. I thought about how I was a burden to my parents.

Tonight I was very tired and memories have been few...

I'm with a co-worker, he has a lot of work and also he does not know how to do some of the tasks, he asks me for help.

I'm with friends at a bar in which there are many people, in a moment I decide to go to another part of the bar and I see a table on which there are also many people. I meet a girlfriend I did not see a long time. At first I am ashamed to have to get close, but then I think better and we greeted cordially.

I'm on a school outing with my sister and some friends, we're going around a city. Everyone get out of a big building through a gigantic doorway that goes into a grassland just before the city. The building is on a cliff, and it's a steep staircase to the path, then a long walk to the city. I decide that jumping will be faster, and lauch myself over the edge.
I feel my body changing, getting longer, snake-like. My hands grow talon, as my feets. Another pair of talon-like limbs grow between my hand and my feet, and I'm flying. My body coil in mid-air, lauching me highter in the sky. I can see my friends walking on the path, in the afternoon sun. My shadow is long and changing as I keep coiling and incoiling in the sky. I land next to them when we reach the city, and I'm back in my human body. We walk around the city, it's nice but very busy, and I feel oppressed by the crowd. I change again and use my talons to climb up a building and lauch myself into the sky again. The group finally go to a covered allyway, and I hae to land again to reunite. I find my sister and we go inside a shop full of curiosity, selling foods and trinkets. We pop open a bag of fuzzy sweet powder and snack on it while visiting. We go to the firt floor and find the other here, making stuff out og crafting supplies. I pull out some balsa and a soldering iron and start making paws shapes on the balsa. A older asian man sit next to me. I ask him why he is retiring, and he tells me I'm the first to notice, and I'm a "clever girl" I'm pretty upset over him leaving, but he have to. I hand one of the balsa bit with paw shope to a frend and get out to fly again. The friend uses the balsa to call me, and I graps her between my middle talons, but her weight makes me lose my balance and I can't fly anymore. I keep us moving by climbing buldings and jumping between them, frustrated.

Full body transformation are weird.

Ritual: WTB 1am, WBTB 6-7am recording NLDs, woke 7:45am with DILD + FA.

NLD, "Sparked": Walking home at night. Someone drives past in a dark vehicle and I say, "Turn on your lights!" Then I feel embarrassed when I notice she is actually walking. She enters the apartment two doors ahead of mine. The door next to her place is open, and there are people just inside it who give the impression that they are workers, not residents. My bed is the first thing I see when I open the door of my apartment, and I'm pleased to see a large box on it. Oh good, that thing I ordered has arrived.

After looking through the first box and strewing its contents, plastic wrap and styrofoam all over my bed, I open a smaller box that has also arrived. It contains a speaker that I ordered. When I first pull it out of the packaging I am disappointed: the surface is surprisingly dirty. Is it just shelfworn, or did I get a refurbished one by mistake? I'll be annoyed in the latter case, since I thought I was ordering a new one. There is some molded styrofoam that seems like the original packaging, if that's any clue.

The speaker weighs almost nothing, and I remember that this is a special lightweight system. It's portability is limited by its size, however, at about 8x10 inches. The back of it consists of flaps are supposed to fold together in a clever way. As I go to remove the last of the styrofoam supports, something unusual happens inside my head, like an electrical disruption.

I remain calm and think I'd better tell my roommates about this in case it incapacitates me and I end up needing medical attention, so I say aloud: "Hey guys, something weird just happened to me. I felt a "pop," saw a flash of white light, and now in the back of my head I hear a tone that is steadily increasing in frequency."

"You need more sleep," someone suggested. He could be right, but I didn't see the relevance. I do want to go back to bed but I'll have to clear all the box mess off it first.

What was happening to me? I had a contextual clue, at least: "It happened when I touched the speaker for the first time." Perhaps the device had built up some kind of strange electrical charge that I had triggered?

All this time the tone was whining to higher and higher pitches, and I waited with curiosity and slight anxiety to see what would happen next. When it seemed like it had become so shrill that it would soon pass beyond my auditory range, all that happened was that I woke up.

Note: The other day I read about "exploding head syndrome." This might have been a minor instance of it! The "popping" sound and flash of light are apparently classic symptoms. This is only the second time I've experienced something like this.

DILD, "Victorian Gentleman": I'm at a computer trying to order something online. I don't recall what it was, but the cost was over $200. There were some complicated webforms to navigate, and then after some difficulty finding my wallet, my credit card was missing. Meanwhile my stepmother-in-law comes over and offers to let me run her card instead. "No, no, no, no," I say quickly, trying to deter her, having just spotted mine on the table. Too late, she has already run her card and made the purchase. Well, that was nice of her, even if it wasn't what I would have asked for. I should show appreciation. I hug her and say, "Thank you."

Walking outside afterward, I have second thoughts. Was I rude to simply thank her? Maybe she hadn't intended the action as a gift. But even if she had, perhaps it would have been more polite of me to ask when she wanted me to pay her back, and that would give her the option to be magnanimous and say it wasn't necessary. But if she had assumed I would pay her back, wouldn't it be rude of her to create an extra hassle for me that I hadn't asked for? I had told her "no" and she did it anyway. I conclude that under the circumstances, my response was adequate and I should let it go.

As I walk back in the house, behind me I hear a man's voice, distinctively low and gravelly. It is really familiar. Who is that guy? I think he must live next door; I'm always hearing that voice. I sneak a look back before going in and spot him: he is older, gaunt, with straggly grey hair. I think he looks like an aging biker or a math professor (they can look more similar than you might think!)

I continue in the house and decide to repack my suitcase, which is in disarray, when it occurs to me... wait. I have the impression that I hear that man's voice all the time, but I suddenly suspect that I only hear it in dreams. Could this be a dream, then? I realize that it is. This gives me the confidence to go back outside and approach the guy, intending to find out who he is. I would not want to so brazenly walk up to a stranger in WL, but this is my dream so there is no reason to hesitate. As I step back through the door I find myself with handful of silver rings in my right hand that I am putting on the fingers of the left. Why did I grab so many? I'm going to have to put multiple rings on each finger to make them all fit.

Only one person is in sight now, a dapper gentleman in Victorian dress walking by from left to right. He has a neatly trimmed beard, a black frock coat, and a top hat. I've always been fascinated by that era, but in dreams I've never been successful in my attempts to meet historical figures. I wonder if he'll really acknowledge being from that time period. Maybe he's just dressing up?

I get his attention and ask, "Are you from the Victorian era?" He confirms it. I'm interested now so I start walking alongside him, suggesting, "Tell me about yourself." As he begins to reply, I look more closely at his face and realize that he is strikingly good-looking. On a whim I seize his arm and pull him off the road, then push him against the door of a nearby house and start kissing him, thinking meanwhile that in waking life I would never do this with a stranger. Though taken by surprise he responds willingly. The only thing marring the pleasure of the kiss is a little piece of fingernail in my mouth—I must have been biting them—and I try to move it with my tongue so it won't come into contact with his mouth, which would be awkward. During a break in the kissing I manage to swallow the bit of nail, and the gentleman never seems to notice.

After that interlude we continue together down the street. It's odd that I so quickly lost interest in my more intellectual inquiries and succumbed to mere erotic instinct... and annoying, in that I never did get to hear the DC's account of himself. My lucidity apparently faded quite a bit in the process (it was never very keen in this dream), because it doesn't occur to me to ask again, and instead I just walk along with little further thought.

We stop at a shop whose front opens right onto the street, and the gentleman wants to buy an unusual kind of candy that I've never seen before. It is some highly-processed, artificially flavored substance that comes in brightly colored plastic packages. The package can be activated in such a way that its contents will burst out like a foam snake. This is marketed to kids as a toy as well as a snack: they can have mock battles trying to hit one another with the candy snakes, then eat them afterwad. The girl minding the shop explains this to me while showing her a green stain spot on her T-shirt from where one of the candies had landed on her. So they stain clothes, too? I look down and am glad to see that I'm wearing something casual.

FA, "Let the Right One In": I wake up and get out of bed to record the dream. I don't notice anything unusual as I'm walking across the house, but pause in confusion as I go to sit down at my computer. Where's my chair? Why would my chair be gone? Surely I'm not dreaming? At first it feels improbable but gradually I realize that I am. Interesting... well, I want to explore this, but I don't want to lose my memory of the previous dream. It is still clear in mind, so I review the events and even recite a list of key words aloud to help fix my impressions. Then I look around to see what this new dream has to offer.

In contrast to the relative normality of the house, correct in layout but more sparsely furnished than normal, the view outside is catastrophic and extraordinary. A wide frozen river of swelling ice is flowing motionlessly where my patio should be, and cascading down toward the city in the distance. Just beyond it looms a mountain of pure white ice, with a matte, knobbly texture like that reminds me of spray-on styrofoam. Craning my head up, I can just see the narrow peak glittering in the sun. Everything looks incredibly clear and vivid, beautiful and frozen but apocalyptic.

The landscape is packed with people, whose clothes provide little patches of bright color. Bodies are frozen into the river and wander in groups along its banks. The only place free of people is the slopes of the ice mountain, steep and white and pristine. As I turn my gaze from the east, where I saw the river and mountain, to the south, the view becomes more grim. A whole crowd of people outside presses right up against the glass wall of my house, looking longingly inside, their bodies almost grey with cold and frost. I feel compassion for their plight, but I'm not sure what to do about it. My house is not big enough to accommodate even a fraction of the throngs who want to get in.

The people on the left, closer to the river, were all standing very still, but as I continue along the wall to the right, the people on this side are becoming more restless, with a few actively trying to break in. Some are attempting to cut holes in the glass. I wonder how long before they'll get through, and realize that I might need to start warding the walls against them. Then I see a segment of glass fall in, and realize that one woman has just succeeded in making a hole. It is about three feet high and a foot or so wide, in the shape of a narrow heart or mitten. Before she can slip through, I aim my flat palms toward the gap and begin to refreeze the glass (I don't seem to be distinguishing between ice and glass here). After a thin layer of glass or ice manifests over the hole, I pick up the piece that was removed and put it back in place, willing the gaps to fill in.

As I continue along the wall, the situation is getting even worse. There are already more holes. In fact, one woman has just crawled inside. I pick her up like a manniquin to remove her. The crowd is too think to restore her to ground level, so I toss her on top of the others... she can crowd-surf.

I come face to face with another woman who has made a hole in the glass. "You're not real, you're not real," I protest against her attempted incursion. It occurs to me that I should respond to her vaguely threatening presence with kindness. I embrace her and kiss her on the mouth, but she is oddly inert. It's like kissing a doll. I have nothing but a faint impression of staring blue eyes... blank eyes. "You're not real. Do you understand that? The reality of you is that you're not real."

She remains stiff and unresponsive, but doesn't back down, so I try an alternate tack. If she wants to get in the house so badly, then I will welcome her. I grab her arm and start tugging her inside. At this she actually resists, telling a woman standing near her outside, "Don't let go of my arm."

This is an interesting development. "Don't you want to come in?" I taunt. "A minute ago you were clamoring to come in." The dream ends.

I started out in one of the dollar stores somewhere in the neighborhood(I don't remember which one). I was shopping with my mother. As I was walking, I noticed this individual staring at me giving me a nasty look. He was a lot taller than me, so I knew I wouldn't stand a chance against him. He then came charging after me but before he could touch me, I flew up in the air and hovered above the aisles in the store. As I was flying in mid-air, I kicked him with my feet as hard as I could and taunted him.

Later on in the dream(after waking up, I think), I woke up in a preschool(one I haven't seen before in my life). I saw one of the teachers I worked with back at the preschool I volunteered for in waking life. She was helping me out with how I'm supposed to handle the classroom. We were both inside a classroom with a full set of kids and a couple other teachers. It felt happy. It felt so happy good to be in a job like this because there was happiness all around.

At one point, the person teaching me have done an activity that required us to remove our shoes and socks, walking barefoot. I'm not sure why, but seeing how this is preschool, I didn't question the creativity of improvised activities. I was sitting down somewhere in the back of the classroom where I was talking to the teacher. She wanted me to go somewhere, as confusing as that may sound.

I then somehow appeared to be at an assembly along with a large crowd of people around my age. We were all seated in desks. In front of us was a huge black screen television(as big as the cinema ones). When I was in there, I noticed every student(what I thought) belonged to a specific group based on their past, kind of like the scene in Mean Girls where the geeks sit with the geeks and the jocks with the jocks. I'm not sure which group I was in. I just seemed to be observing everything in the area I was in.

Later on, it was time to leave. Everyone began leaving the building. I was getting my items together but I remember having trouble finding one of the objects. Because I didn't know it was a dream, yet, I kept looking for it. Sooner or later, without knowing how exactly it happened, I became lucid. I'm not sure how, but I did. I didn't perform any reality checks. Once I did become lucid, I spent most of my time observing the room I was in. What seemed to be a huge theater, was not a small bedroom.

I walked around this bedroom figuring out what to do. I couldn't think of much to do after becoming lucid. I enjoyed the feeling of it, though. After a while of staring around the room, I had a sudden sense that the dream started to fade. I didn't want to leave yet. I performed the spinning technique to try and prolong the dream. I remember trying to focus on my body as I turned and turned. I even tried telling myself that I was dreaming and that I want to stay in the dream longer. Seconds later, my vision began becoming darker. The dream ended. I didn't even try to attempt the DEILD technique because I knew I would have a hard time going back to sleep uncomfortably with my arm laying just under my body.

I was looking at a couple having sex on a bed. They don't have clothing. Yellow-themed. The woman leaned away from the guy. There's some sort of oil on the guy's chest. He's mostly hairless. I licked on the chest and got some of oil on my tongue. My tongue went numb.

I was in a room with a lot of people. It's still yellow themed. Not sure if this came before or after the previous one. I was practicing my Capoeira moves, while trying to avoid hitting people.

So, it's been about two years since I last had a conversation with Jenn - ever since I went back to school. Since then, I slowly stopped having dreams about her(mostly because I stopped viewing her stuff on social media sites). But that I have almost nothing to do again(classes were full/struggling to get a job), I found myself thinking about her and checking her online profile to see if she is with another guy.

Dream:

I was back in Pacific High School(which was about 2-3 years ago), and the whole school were already walking home. I was standing near the sidewalk where I was able to see the streets very clearly. I had no idea what I was doing here - I never questioned it.

A few moments passed and I start paying attention to my surroundings. One area I used to always stare at during waking life was the front left corner of a sidewalk across the road. I saw Jenn there, talking to someone - a guy. I was shocked. This guy was almost like me except he was changed in cacky light brown shorts and a back t-shirt.

I stared closely at them to see what they were up to. Jenn seemed to be interested in him, judging by her facial expressions. I was not happy of this, especially after she told me in reality that she wasn't looking for a relationship. I had faith that if either one of them would of kissed the other, I would of killed them. I had so much anger for her.

After a while of watching them talk, the boy began walking towards his house. Surprisingly, I turned out following him opposed to Jenn. I moved through the crowds of students saying 'excuse me' and 'thank you' while keeping a close distance to the boy. After I got out of the crowd, I saw the boy walking in to a one-way street. I slowly moved in for a closer look and crouched down to avoid being seen.

During this moment, I had strong thoughts to commit murder on this boy. I just wanted him to die and knew he didn't deserve Jenn with the type of personality he had(but somehow some girls dig that). I ignored killing him this time. I got back up and left.

I'm finally beginning to stabilize my sleeping patterns again and go to bed on time, dream recall is returning. Went to bed around 2 am.

I do not remember the first part of the dream. What I do remember is that there were a group of friends, some of them I know from very far back at camp, one girl that went to my high school. Another one was a recent co worker, the group of friends were more popular than I was in high school, so I don't know I guess I was afraid to approach them. Afraid to be rejected I guess sums up what my high school experience was like. I had come back to an old job to eat some free food (I couldn't get it there now for free if I wanted) except each piece of food I had there was something horribly wrong with it. The room was a lot bigger and had a lot more tables, I was sitting near the entrance and talking to a girl, whom I do not remember her details. Then another girl sat down next to her and tried to start talking to us as if she was desperate, the first girl left, and I didn't really care so I just continued talking to the desperate girl. I noticed a big clump of hair in my fries so I just threw it out. I went back into the kitchen to talk to everyone and the manager said no more free food. We told a few jokes and I left out the front door, there was a decently sized crowd out there for some reason. I saw the group of friends and I decided to just walk to the parking lot before they noticed me. They had confused me for my friend Tommy and I was a decently far amount away and they yelled Tommy! two times before giving up, I had just decided to keep walking. When I got into the parking lot I ran into a few people I knew getting into their cars. I had gotten to my car and my mom was waiting for me, she was in a cast and had apparently broken her knee and ankle, and her wrist on the other side. I asked what happened and she was explaining it to me then I woke up.

After I did wake up I had learned that one of my mothers friends had died of a heart attack, maybe it was some sort of message.

Dream 1
6:30am

(Not sure if this is a new dream or linked to the 2nd dream)
Im outside with Josh and we're watching the neighbour do some yard work. I can see an excavator in the yard also. Josh mentions about the man not doing much of a good job and that the girl with him has a weird nose. I can now see 2 girls in the distance, who're wearing work clothes. I can now see one of the girls up close. I notice the nose of the girl which is like a shrek nose but still not bad looking. I start to feel sharp stomach pain which transitions from waking life into the dream.

I'm in a house and I become semi lucid. I turn into a sex crazed maniac... Ugh, and can't control myself to stop and become proper lucid so I can try different things for a chance rather then chase some tail.. I see a women running away from me (don't blame her) and she's nude. I have intentions to have sex with her. I chase her down and wrap my arms around her from behind and start to feel her breasts. She has small cupped breasts and rub them and squeeze them. She isn't relaxing and still trying to break free but I am physically too strong for her. I man handle her and start to fuck her from behind. It feels little odd, as if I was too high up on her back and needed to find the right angle for penetration. It lasts for what feels like maybe 30 seconds before I wake up.

Dream 2
8:10am

I'm with Daryl and Josh. We're walking through an area with a lot of people and someone throws a piece of tissue or rubbish at me. I pick if and throw if back as a joke. I think I throw if at a guy that didn't throw it at me for starters. I get a reaction from a group of the guys once I threw it. One of them chanted something similar to "ceiling to ground". They come towards me and pick me up and throw me to towards the ceiling and catch me as I come down. They repeat this process for about 10 seconds. This was all in fun.

I leave the area and reach Daryl and Josh. They're in what looks likes a house or a restaurant. They're eating their dinners which is steak and veggies. I ask them about something to do with how I'll be able to get my food. Daryl gets up from the table and says that he's done eating. Im surprised due to the fact that Daryl truly loves his food and never leaves a scrap IRL. I ask him is that all you're going to eat? He gets my drift and says I could have it. Now a older lady comes over with her and offers hers. I feel like a burden now that everyone is sacrificing their food for me. Daryl's steak looked as if it hadn't been touch and was perfect looking in shape and colour.

I'm outside with my brother and he goes over to next door to offer to fix things. He's knocking but getting no answer. I somehow make a noise or hear a noise which tricks my brother into thinking it's coming from inside the house. There's a large women in the garden and she spots me and asks what I'm doing. I feel as if she is suspicious of me and I tell her I'm looking to do some repairs on the house. She starts to get angry and points at the tool I have in my hand, when is an old looking chisel. She keeps insisting that what I have in my hand is going to be used for other purposes. I insist that it's for fixing things. I start feeling pretty defenceless in the convocation.

I think the lady tries to catch me out as if she knew I was bullshitting to her, and invites me inside to have a look at things. I walk inside and it's very dark. I see a light from a smart phone around a corner where a man around my age is laying in bed looking at his phone. I greet him and he thinks I've said something different to what I said and repeats it to me in a confused manner. Moments later he clicks on what I really said and greeted me back. As I look around the room I see major holes in the whole, some small and some big. A few of the holes were shape a human body as if someone had walked through it. It was a perfectly shaped hole of a human.

I sit down on the couch with my brother and the man on the phone. The light are turned on now and I can see peoples faces properly. Myself and the man gets into a convocation. He looks to have long hair and some facial piercings. I get a feeling as if the man is maybe gay and attracted to me or maybe just wanted to be my friend. I tell him that I live next door and if he ever wanted to hang out to just come over.

As we're leaving my brother kisses the man on the lips. I'm confused on how to approach this goodbye and go in for a hug. As I hug him he doesn't hug me back but instead shakes my hand as I'm hugging him. It's an all time award moment.

Kay what I remember from tonight:
(and I have a really poor memory when it comes to this sort of thing so, bear with
me)
was being downstairs in my kitchen/computer room area with a group of about 10-15ish people we were watching some commercials for these hats that would give you superpowers. They were obviously fake and myself in the dream recognized this. One of them gave you robotic arms or something and the other gave you the power of Luffy from One piece plus the power to swap your limbs around (head, legs, and arms). I wanted to get the Luffy hat, but my friend had bought the last copy of it. I reached into my pants pocket, pulled out 20 dollars, and handed it to some fat guy in a purple suit with a purple top hat and said I wanted it (He's the one who sold it, I guess). I did feel a pang of guilt that I lost 20 dollars, but my grandparents had given me $20 recently, anyways. He said OK then took it away from my friend and gave it to me. I was super-exited to show the people around me, but noticed that the hat wasn't a hat. It was a long piece of laminated paper with a design on it that (I suppose) you were supposed to wrap around your head like you're in a B rate action film. I just stared at it puzzled. I was planning on putting it on and making everyone laugh when I didn't have the powers, but nobody else seemed even slightly interested. They all just seemed to ignore me.
That was the last part of my dream that I can remember. I'm honestly surprised how much I remember just by thoroughly thinking about it the morning after. I would like to see if I can try FILD tonight, but there may be a delay on my going home. We'll see tomorrow, I suppose.

Morning of April 9, 2014. Wednesday. (Wedding anniversary; married April 9, 1994.)



I am at a basketball game (yet I have not been to a real one in many years) and over time, I notice people leaving. I focus on the player with the number twenty-two on his top for a short time. Outside, floating above the landscape, I see that a hundred or so people are standing about and form a heart symbol in honor of our wedding anniversary.



In real life several months back, I grouped all the standing villagers (including the hundreds of additional ones converted by the monks) in the expansion pack of “Age of Empires” (Aztecs) into a heart shape, as well as others standing about in a formation that read “I love Zsuzsanna”. It is one of the only computer games I have ever played much in the last twenty years and played around with because of how easy it was to not only win, but to go to extremes with resources and hundreds of extra villagers (or soldiers) long after the game has been technically won (where only one more easy step is required to actually finish it and end the game play itself if or when desired).