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I was in a dorm room, checking my stuff. I touched the wall and teleported to another room, to meet with my colleagues. We talked for a short while and then I left to east something in nearby fast food restaurant. When I was going to leave, I received some plastic objects like forks or talons. I went back to colleagues room and asked what's about these things. A girl that also visited them said that they represent points which can be spent in any shops. I took my points with my, thinking that they may steal it.

I thought about going to work and said that unlike my sister, who makes art for a living, I'll go to work at sawmill, as I'm after special courses. I touched the wall and got teleported to my room - it was a small, cramped room. There was an utter mess, clothes and all other objects spread around everywhere. I went to my backpack and took some tools that I'd need there, then I took a book from the shelf. Suddenly my previous classmates entered the room and we were talking about our work. One of them worked at the same sawmill I wanted to go.

I left the building - it was a warm morning. There was a gentle orange glow that sun often gives in my dreams. Outside there was my home town, but completely overgrown with vegetation. There was knees tall grass growing out of sidewalks. I met two girls I previously knew and we walked uphill. After a while they went to other side of road. I heard a car and continued on the same side, bit them I looked back and saw that this car was driving on sidewalks, with lawnmower mounted to it's front. I went to other side and after a short while entered a forest. It was a great and beautiful forest. Trees were tall and enormous. There were bushes rich with fruits and understorey was full of vegetation. Going uphill I saw a dam made of gigantic timber logs. I saw that classmate with whom I talked before, there were sawmill workers around him. He was showing something on a nearby poplar tree.

A note from an earlier wakeup that I no longer remember: "Rescue mission. 2 people ready to bodily drag this guy away from the queen, not realizing he has his own plan."

I become lucid. (I no longer remember what was happening before this, if anything.) I'm standing at the bottom of a short flight of steps leading up out of a shop, onto a street, and there's two guys I'm with who are heading up the stairs, and if I want to follow the storyline of this dream I should head up those stairs with them. But given that I've just become lucid, I'm not sure the lucidity is stable enough to last through a scene-changing doorway, so I decide to abandon the storyline. I look around the shop instead, looking at the wooden pillars and ceiling, wondering what I'd like to do. There's a guy working the register who's grumbling, in a bad mood, and we start talking. He's attractive.

The scene changes; we're elsewhere, having sex, and I can feel everything I do to him as if it were being done to me. He's aware of the sudden scene change, and he's confused, but up for it. His appearance gradually changes, and I become aware that without consciously deciding to do so, I'm changing him to better suit my tastes; now that I've noticed I'm doing it, I consciously encourage specific changes. Everything I change alters gradually, but then suddenly his whole appearance changes in an instant, now a goth/punk look, pale and with half his head shaved; I hadn't intended to do that. I'm thinking that all the gradual changes I was making must have pushed him to some tipping point, and I'm a little annoyed with myself. He's now becoming distressed; I don't think he's aware that he used to look very different, but he's aware something's off. The dream disappears, and I'm in darkness, no visuals, no body, thinking over what went wrong.

I become aware that I'm lying in bed. (False awakening.) I open my eyes: I'm in a dorm, I think of this as a place associated with dreaming. The room's filled with many bunk beds, reminds me of hostels, and although I should have this room to myself, there are a bunch of people here now, new students who've arrived in the night. I try to go back to sleep, although they're very noisy, and I overhear something about framing someone for something as a joke, and something about cats and bad luck. Eventually I remember that I don't live in a dorm anymore, therefore none of this is real and I don't have to be here, so I get up to leave. One of the students tries to stop me, referencing cats and bad luck again, and I get really, irrationally, over-the-top irritated by this - by the idea of a DC standing in my way and wasting my time. I put my hand around his throat - my hand has long claws as I do so - move him out of my way, and walk out the door. (And then woke up.)

Original journal entry dated May 22, 2002:

It didn't really start out as a nightmare, it started out as a dream that I was playing Dungeons and Dragons like my friends, and it was a normal session except for the fact that we would literally become our characters. And the fact that the campaign took place on the actual campus, not in a far off fantasy world. This was a whole dream in and of itself.

It then phased into the next dream in this manner:
When we were done playing, we cleaned our stuff up, packed it away, etc. I asked for a ride home but nobody wanted to give me one, although M offered to drop me off at the closest bus-stop. Unfortunately, it wasn't the bus-stop that I needed to be at, which was a mile down and across the freeway. So I started walking down the side of the freeway, which wasn't there at first, but then there were walls along the edge of the road and I had to walk IN the road, inching along with my back pressed to the wall, while tons of cars barreled by. I managed to get across the freeway when I realized that I had miscalculated and overshot the place where the bus-stop was, so I had to go back. As I was going back, I found myself stumbling along a gravel embankment at the edge of the road, and the way that the wall and embankment were arranged, I had to walk away from the actual road and into a sort of hollow near the freeway pillars and supporting structures... all of the sudden, it got way too foggy for me to see, and I wandered blindly until I suddenly felt incredibly cold, clammy hands all over me, and then I passed out...

...when I woke up, I was blind, but I was in a warm bed and a house, and people were talking to me. There were 3 voices - one was a fatherly voice, conjuring up in my head the image of a man smoking a pipe. The second was a daughter-ish voice, that of a young girl. She spent a lot of time talking to me and stuff. The last one scared me, it was a mother-ish voice, but instead of conjuring up a motherly image in my head it conjured up the image of something rather like a medusa (I'm talking mythology, not squid, here). They took care of me and talked to me, but they never touched me. In my dream I think I was an orphan so I guess I finally had a family. I always refered to the fatherly figure as "father", the sisterly one as "sister", but didn't refer to the motherly figure as anything at all. I kept asking them when I would be well, when any important events would happen, when I would be able to go back... they told me, one day, that in a day they were going to go somewhere, and asked me whether or not I wanted to go with - I could go tomorrow, or in a week. I told them tomorrow, and asked them where we were going to go and what we were going to do. They responded, "Tomorrow they will uncover us." As I vaguely began to wonder if my caretakers were something other than... well, alive or human... back in real life, D knocked on my door, and the dream abruptly ended.

So then I managed to get back to sleep, but this time my dream was different, it was about the dorms only the design had changed (for one, they were nicer and the foliage was more lush, the landscape was prettier). There were some design flaws in the dorms, one of them was that in order to reach their own patio the next-door dorm had to cross ours. So there was a debate as to whether or not they also got to use and put their stuff on the half of our patio that they had to cross to get to their own. Then there was some stuff about mom and screen-names, and a bunch of random stuff, one thing of which included a mural with different descriptive name-bubbles that you could choose to put next to the objects depicted in the mural. The Mural of the Week was one with dinosaurs, and for some reason they didn't look sad but they were crying, and some of the word bubbles were pretty silly.

Date: 19 Sept

Pre bed: 200mg valerian

WBTB: 60 mg caffeine (RB)

Non-ld fragment: I am trying to take a shortcut at night in this familiar from previous dreams city. In one of the dark streets, I run into criminal DCs with very bad teeth. A number of young people sitting on a bench agree to defend me if necessary and I go sit there. I find one of the guys extremely beautiful. We talk for a while, but they are leaving soon. I notice that his whole body is covered with small, shiny clear droplets of water and stare in fascination.

In love: Very deep sleep and my recall is not very good.

We are moving in the dorms because it is much cheaper. There are six beds in the room and a guy who already lives here. I ask if only two of the beds, ours, are going to be used. He confirms.

The dream goes on for quite a while with all kinds of thoughts about clothes, bathroom etc. Then it looks like more people actually live here and we will be sharing the room, now apartment with them. Someone opens the door and lots of DCs come in, new roommates, I think. This girl asks me questions about the admin, I don't understand what she is saying.

Bf is gone and this guy comes and talks to me. I realize that this is a dream but my mind is kind of foggy. I remember having thoughts about me being in deep sleep and that this is good for stability. The guy leaves and another one appears, I like him very much and remark that he shows some persistent DC qualities. He comes and goes several times but looks the same, gray t-shirt, black hair, some eyeliner even, a bit like Mark Terenzi. He also gives me a kiss. We talk for some time but my memory is really bad. The dream starts to fade, I lose my sight but I can still hear him. I tell him to keep talking to me, I will hold on to the sound. I can feel my eyelids and am careful not to mess this up, but soon the image returns. He gives me another kiss. The dream slips away again and I struggle to bring it back. He is on the other side now but looking totally different and there is another guy dressed with the same clothes and holding a similar colorful object. The dream fades and I fall into oblivion.

Falling: I am walking down the stairs talking to this DC. It looks like I have forgotten my handbag, I turn back and see it at the top of the stairs. I make it fly directly to my hands. The DC remarks that I am not supposed to do this while abroad. I have this warp-like feeling and realize that I never woke up from the previous dream. The B6 woman is also here in the background and I wonder if I should go and talk to her, examine her energy, and ask why does she always behave like that. At the same time, I don't want to waste too much time with her and risk things getting out of hand, so decide to just ignore her.

I am looking at a large modern glass vase that they are selling in this now shop and try to move it with tk, but not much success. I also try with an elegant china tea cup but I feel that I don't really want to be breaking these things. Finally, I remember Angel Falls and follow the plan of "here and now". The main idea is to use the turn your back technique. I already hear water running just behind me (like a fountain in a mall). I am in some sort of not very well lit mall too. I take a few steps back, concentrating on changing the surroundings. I actually slip backwards a few steps, which feels kind of weird and not very effective, but the surrounds begin to change a bit. I decide to facilitate the process of getting rid of the old scene and into a new scene by falling backwards.

As I do this, it's as if something immaterial swallows me and I enter void weightlessness combined with motion. I shortly see lots of greenery in front of me that is very similar to rainforest vegetation, but it quickly vanishes. I am speeding backwards in the void with this weird feeling of traveling through space at high speed. For a second my mind is totally blank and I feel stressed, I try to remind myself to keep cool, be patient as it seems to be taking too long and shortly pretend I am meditating. Then I try to concentrate on one of my visualizations and build the scene as I had imagined it. During the entire time of the experience, I hear the sound of falling water. It is much harder to concentrate and visualize than I thought, but I succeed in having lots of water flowing on me in the darkness now. I try to prepare the scene again even though it's not the right place where I actually wanted to start from. I am still flying backwards through space, this thing doesn't stop even if I expect it to. I briefly see the top of a barren hill with a non-human castle in the negative mood of some game or a game related dream. I don't want to be there. The falling continues and I finally find myself in bed. I stay still for a while but nothing happens.

Comments: is it just me or is it really hard to concentrate on anything while in the void. I have noticed this another time as well. The moment everything disappears, my mind also goes totally black and if my mind is blank...then there will be nothing to project around me. Maybe I need to think about stuff, rather than struggle to visualize.

This night was very vivid and full of intense dreams. Unfortunately I don't have the best dream recall right now so I can't remember all the details, just some of the main stuff. I would have liked to remember more of the first dream because it was so overwhelming but since it was the first dream it faded from my memory over the night.

A Beautiful Tragedy
One of my old friends had died(by suicide, I think?) and it was my fault. Although I haven't spoken to her in awhile I still cared a lot about her and I had done something to cause her death. I was a complete mess, crying and crying nonstop for what seemed like forever. I didn't want to live with myself because of what I had done. It was just awful, and the pain felt so real. I don't think I've ever felt so.. broken(then again no one close to me has ever died in RL). I went to my room and curled up on my bed and just weeped and weeped and it was just such a real, heavy feeling. My mom came into my room and she just held me and comforted me as I continued crying. It was almost like.. a beautiful tragedy. When I felt myself waking up from this, I was actually sad that it was a dream. I wanted to go back to that place, back to that feeling. I don't know why.. but it was just so beautiful.

Dorm Livin
I was in a lake or a river with some people and swimming when someone came up to me and said something like, "It's your turn," and started shoving me under the water, not allowing me to come up. I didn't think they were trying to kill me because they had done this with some other people and they were fine, but after awhile of intense struggling more people came to help him push me down under the water and I just gave up. I thought if I stopped moving they would let go. My eyes were closed, and I took a breath of air through my nose, as if it were sticking up from the surface, allowing me to breathe. Then I "woke up" and I was at the end of the hallway of the dorms where the door is, opening it to let someone in. She was someone who had gone to my high school but was now at my same college. I found it odd that I had appeared here and not awake in my bed, so I said "I think I was sleeping up until this point because I just woke up now and here I am.. I don't know how I got here." She didn't seem to believe me. Then me and two new people who I had just met there(not in RL) started painting some picture on white boards. One of the girls looked at me suspiciously, then threw some paint at me, starting a paint fight. I thought it would be cool to have a shirt made of paint splatters so we took turns hand-printing each others shirts.


Hotel Danger
Me, my parents and my sis were in a hotel in Chicago and we wanted to get back to our rooms. We had to go in this elevator, which really freaked me out because it didn't look right and when I tried to get in the doors almost closed on me. Inside the elevator I was shaking and actually crying with fear, as everyone else just stood there normally. The elevator seemed to drop 100 floors and then finally came to a stop at the lobby. I got off right when the doors opened but my sis and mom stayed on because they wanted to go to their floor were our room was. I refused to go back on that thing, so my dad came out and accompanied me. We were going to take the escalators back up instead, but the escalators were huge, like 10 times wider and larger than they should be. The first two escalators were out of service and my dad didn't know that so he tried to go on one and a lady dressed like a hooker said "Sir you can't go on this escalator" so he went on the next one and she followed him and said he couldn't go on that one either, till finally he was able to get on the only working one. I tried to get on it but it was already going up and I couldn't lift my body over the side of it. It was like a giant raft, and the whole thing moved up and down. Then it started bouncing up and down like a trampoline and people were having a party on it. I saw my friend Dani fall off the side of it and wanted to go see if she was okay, but them a HUGE wave appeared. It was the size of the building, which was like 8 stories high. I freaked out and ran to the wave pool that just happened to be there, the wave following behind me, and I went to the deep end of the wave pool and faced the wall. I took a deep breath and went under, hoping this would help take the impact. The wave crashed over me smoothly as I heard people around talking about how huge and awesome the wave was. Then I took a breath and realized I could breathe underwater, then woke up.