All DJ Entries

3rd December 2021

Dream:

I am talking to my eldest sibling through Steam, something about a problem they're having with smells in the bathroom. Then, I'm at theirs. It's a house they bought recently and I'm helping by saying what to watch out for and trying to help plan the bathroom's extraction route. There's a big 35 PSI orange turbine blower, it looks too big for the job, but I figure it doesn't really matter.

Outside the house there's a weird roof and I spot some problems with pointed brickwork that will need sorting out. I tell them and explain a bit. The house seems to be in the middle of some woods; it's Autumn and there are fallen leaves everywhere. I think it might be a bit damp. I don't get to see the other sides of the house but I did mean to. The house has three floors in total and something about the shape looks... Wonky.

Then something about turn-based combat. In a cave area, a boss creature my middle sibling is fighting. I try to help by grappling onto it and being dragged around a bit, until I'm on its rear end/back. I swing a sword and drink a potion of ultra haste to swing faster, but even at this distance all my attacks seem to "miss" and do nothing. Some bit which has an energy barrier, opening up to a pit or cave tunnel going down. I get the impression my sibling is trying to lure the creature there but I am concerned about this place and that this might not work. I think I have some fear of thing backfiring, and it being us falling in.

Notes:

- In retrospect, the battle and our roles in it seems linked to my impressions of how I think my sibling might be coping (or not) with their own issues. The whole dream has some interesting symbolic interpretation potentials, but either way seems to relate to my views on both of my siblings.

- I think the forest was some kind of pine forest, I can't recall exactly, but the trees were certainly very tall, being taller than the house.

- The cave bit's entrance was nearby, behind the house somewhere.

29th November 2021

Very abridged, many details weren't retained after waking; this was a brief lucid involving a false awakening and the lucid part felt continuous and lasting several minutes.

Dream:

I am out and about in a place like old home. Reminds me of 98 and I am with mom maybe, and a group of kids. It's some kind of school trip. (mom is here as a teacher?) I cross some foot bridge thing. It's sunny. I then go into a cafe or shop place, somewhat dark and unlit, except by the bounced light from outside. There are a few dream characters here, there's a counter of some kind on the left side and the place is deep-ish, being long and relatively narrow more than anything else.

I start hearing my thoughts and they are very present. My thoughts tell me I'm dreaming and I confirm this in some way by interacting in some specific way with the people. For some reason, I still feel self-conscious, or like it's impolite to do anything right away, excusing myself and eventually going outside again. My memory in the dream feels decent and I perceive all the visual details vividly but physical sensations are faint.

As I walk between two buildings, I start feeling some kind of arousal but successfully repress it. Instead of letting myself give in to an urge of making myself grow, I start trying to fly. Unable to fly, I am more leaping in large bounds of varying gravity each time. At some point I lose a bit of lucid awareness but I realise this and so I regain some clarity. Eventually I slip away into non-lucidness again and "wake up" falsely, into some other dream segment.

Then I am in a sofa bed with S; she seems needlessly concerned, anxious. This looks like the room me and H have stayed in, when I've visited my parents; it feels like old home, anyway. Thinking I'm actually awake, I try to ignore her a bit and I take my phone out to write down my dream, starting on some detail. But I stop because I'm interrupted by H, who's prompting me to get up as he comes into the room. We discuss something about our day coming ahead.

(recall gap?) Still in the same place, I am playing some game? Something about the original DOOM. Then I realise it's 3PM somehow, and wonder why or how it got so late, kind of in shock. But I don't dwell on it very long. (missed a perfect cue here)

(recall gap)

In some kind of ship, something about a fridge and some chemicals, including screenwash?

Notes:

- I mostly repressed the urge for growing because I always end up feeling like lucidity makes me want to do sexual things, which is fine, but at the same time I also want to focus on other things. Many times I've tried falling asleep with painting, or even art in general, in mind as a lucid objective just in case I ever do become lucid, since it's rare for me.

- After I became lucid, I have some recall that after the two buildings there was a cityscape past a dip (river?) but also a sort of digital-looking existence, like in some old 2000s 3D cartoons. There was something bizarre and unusual about the background, anyway, as well as some other kind of foot bridge.

- The manner in which I became lucid was unusual, not that I have a great deal of samples to compare with.

20th November 2021

Fragment:

Somewhat adventure-like dream. (left recall too long) Something about turning some huge metal wheels in a couple of buildings at a sea side quay. This makes the clocks of a large nearby church work again.
(I have vague recall even now of the dream, visually. I think at one point I was on some rafters in the church, but I also recall it was a bit of an overcast and yellow-ish day outside.)


21st November 2021

Dream:

I'm with mom in a kitchen of sorts. There's a weird gas oven of some kind that mom is using. I'm just doing some cutlery things with a cupboard. I had just been talking to H and asking if he wasn't going to eat his egg soup thing. Also something about "chef John".

Mom is trying to get the gas thing going and has some rice and sausages which will be getting cooked. I tell her some wicks (?) have gone out. She increases the flow, nothing happens at first and then big flames from those wicks. I tell her she should back it down and she does. Then the food she was cooking seems to have become overdone for her liking. The sausages have supposedly gone sour, and the rice stodgy. I taste a slice of sausage and it tastes bland but not sour, although I did smell something sour.

Then I'm checking my phone. Something weird is going on and I conclude it's a virus on my phone. Messages I'd received are FUBAR on a UI-level and I can't dismiss anything. Pressing home just takes me to some sort of gallery, which has pictures of beaches and of naked female porn stars or something to that effect.


22nd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too late) Something about being on a highway or the like. Traffic direction orientation is not as I would expect for where I live. At one point I do not perceive myself as being in a vehicle and am somehow pulling myself along fast enough to at speed, but it feels like I'm struggling a bit. There's a T-junction that's more like a corner and I want to go left where the road curves more naturally.

15th November 2021

Fragment:

Outside on our street. I am coming to see H, who's arriving in the van. He's parked on the opposite side of the road. It's dark outside, but doesn't seem like it's either night or day? I pick up a delivery that was left for us on the pavement, rather than through the door. I open the van passenger door and talk to H about the package and how I find what they did to be annoying. Someone's on the passenger seat, maybe H's sister, A?

Just before this, I'm in the front room doing something and the light is on. I think the curtains are open?

Earlier, some bit on Diablo II where I'm checking how different armour plates look on the barbarian (looks more realistic than he should?).

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At home, but it looks like my paternal grandma's house. I hear suspicious noises, I go check the backdoor, see if it is locked. It is not even closing properly, but I manage to shut it. Then my mom says she hears the elevator stopping at every floor, so that means we are actually at her house, not grandma's.
Someone knocks, they say it's delivery of a package, but sounds suspicious. My mom says "Ah, ok" and goes open the door. I yell "no!", but it is too late. Some dude hands over a package and she thanks him. But then he steps in and I know he ain't no good, so I tell him to leave immediately and push him over. Outside are more guys. At first I manage push the first guy back, but the door ain't closing well and they barge in. I panic, but they don't actually resort to violence or seem intent to rob or rape. It's a gang of 3 dudes and a couple girls. They are basically tricksters and just want to fool around, for now. They go around checking our things and I think about what could be valuable and important to me and I try to hide those things. But they spread around to cover more area and I can't keep up. The house is magically very big and has half a dozen halls, each one dedicated to a specific thing, almost like a supermarket with aisles. First area is a library, then there is one for sports, one for entertainment, with a dj and vj set (which attracts the gang leader in particular), then there is an armory, which I try to reach first. But they get there ahead of me and grab some riffles. Fortunately the bullets are all elsewhere and they want to know where. I keep quiet and the leader guy gives up and goes for a different strategy. Goes to the entertainment area and grabs some equipment and starts singing. Then he becomes Pedro A., a musician I loved as a teen. He goes all charming and tries to seduce me. I say his charm won't work on me. So then they decide to go violent and I kick one of them, tell them I am a purple belt in Kenpo and can defend myself. They seem mildly scared but that quickly fades. They know I am very outnumbered. I am also not confident at all in my skills, I don't practice for years. But I find a stick and I attack them with it, knocking them all unconscious, except for a girl. I ask my mom - which I didn't see until now - to help me tie them up. When they regain consciousness, I tell them I am calling the cops and I ask for their names so I can tell the cops. They get very pissed.

I meet Kylo Ren. He drives a small car. I start flirting with him. He misunderstands and thinks I am harassing him. He gets upset and chases me. I fly away to escape. I fly along the path of the road until I spot some people taking a shortcut through some field and I decide to folllow them and maybe lose Kylo who is after me. The shortcut takes me to a football field where kids are playing. Then just to the side is a neighborhood, which has a familiar vibe to it. I recognize my mom's building among other buildings inthis neighnorhood. I lift off to the 4th floor, to enter the house through the window. But then I spot there is a wood storage at ground floor and I go back to get some as I recall we need wood for the fireplace (which doesn't really exist at my mom's, but anyway...). When collecting some wood, I get caught in the middle of some actors filming a novela. They don't stop because of my presence and so I become accidentally part of it. I leave the wood for later, now I suddenly feel like baking a cake in the novela's kitchen. I grab some eggs and flour and I temporarily put them down on top of the washing machine because they are blocking my passage to the counter. The actors are playing a very rich family who is fighting over properties and possesions and I guess I am their cook. The flour bag is leaking and the machine dirty with flour. The family also sees it and scolds me for it. The head of the family says that shit might damage the machine which is expensive and it will be on me any repairs or replacement needed. And I am like "Damn, they can afford all the machines they want and are seriously making me pay for it. How petty."

30th October 2021

Scraps (DFLN):

Game-like world, lots of yellow sulphur colours. Some kind of secret level with giant spiders. I don't feel afraid but possibly a little anxious because of the overall situation; I feel pressured to get to the bottom quickly, there may be a timer or score. The spiders look like alternate versions of regular garden spiders (orb weavers, I think).

Some other bit, T is at a computer playing a game and I stab him from behind at the top of his back with two black steel arrows and then I quickly pull them back out. He doesn't seem to be in pain and has very little reaction to this. I'm doing this for his own good, not to kill him. I put pressure over the bleeding. This seems to take place at some kind of open but sheltered guard tower, in a castle or something?

Possibly still from that bit, some kind of trade hub town. It's blown up by a nuke thing at one point, and using time travel I find out it was bound to happen at 7PM. I find out circumstances are different from what I had expected, something about an army general.

16th October 2021

Fragment:

Something involving myself in my reptilian form. (I had slightly raised awareness for a while but recall was lost.) Some kind of laboratory facility or complex? I recall some bit involving swimming and someone had invented some equipment that had nano forge vents that would absorb oxygen directly into the bloodstream, from the water.

Some other part, travelling on a highway but in an odd place; sunny and mountainous/cliffy. There's an unfinished road on the return trip and I'd have to build the bridge somehow.

Fragment:

I'm at the old home, it's early morning and S needs walking. I want to, but can't find the things I need and get confused by a different layout of the light switches.

(For brief moments I'd wake up and realise I was actually not at the dream location and that there was really no dog in need of a walk but then I'd drift back to sleep and the dream would continue on the same theme. H was there with me.)

Then I'm at A somewhere near the mall. The layout is different and the buildings look different too. As I observe, I make conclusions about how I draw buildings based on the look of these buildings, near a threshold of awareness that's almost lucid. I remember carefully studying the outlines of the buildings.


18th October 2021

Recall faded for leaving it too long.

Dream (fragmented):

I'm in a town or city. It's very dark and night time, and I'm in a car or something with someone driving me, possibly H or family. Then I notice these empty buses being escorted into a residential suburban area. In the dream there's some pretext about overpopulation and some event to which people will be going to, the next day. I comment on this out loud, I think in a disappointed or judgmental way.

(When I woke up, I thought about how this seemed like a preparation phase for a change in my personality. A lot of dream characters to move.)

Earlier in the dream. I'm with H in the car and we're stopping somewhere. We're in a similar residential area with detached housing, it's daytime and overcast. Then we're in a house but it has a more office-like feel. There are two white men here, both older than either me or H. One is an electrician and the other someone relating to this place. We help with some issue, a rug trapped under a bit of carpeted floor. The office guy appreciates the help but doesn't quite like the result of what we've done even though the previous situation had caused him an injury. There's some kind of table nearby? A pool or cue table, maybe.

Earlier again. Something in a city, outer view from above of a skyscraper which I'd previously seen in the dream, only head-on or at street level. The top view showed a weird outline, it had the shape of a Liberty star from FL but something else too. In the dream it made sense as to explain something about the building, when seen in a profile view. I was in some kind of complex before any of this.


19th October 2021

Fragment:

Vague recall. I'm in our bedroom but in the dream context I'm not sure it feels that way. It's dark and maybe night time. I'm ordering food somehow? Getting fast food, I think someone recommended I get McDonald's. Dad is here at one point and we're talking, we're outside somewhere, again night time. I think the dream jumps between these two settings a few times.

---

Notes:

- In the 18th's dream, there had been transitions, but like many other dreams lately, when I come to writing recall down for dreams, the transitional periods between scenes often just fizzle away from memory and I know that in some cases the dreams were long and continuous.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP


I am with my parents and maybe some more family members. Some woman comes by and says she has info about my paternal grandma. Says she was actually from Canada and came to Portugal and got citizenship and got married and nobody ever knew about it. I am baffled, but also don't see how that changes anything about my identity. My dad explains he hired this lady to investigate this. My mom steps in and starts rambling about meaningless stuff, making my dad yell at her. He tells her this is important business and she is talking about totally unrelated stuff. The lady leaves but there is a promise she will come back to share more info.
We gather around a table to feast. it is some family reunion and there are lot of yummy things on the table. For some reason I get horny looking at some carrots. So I pick up a carrot and go alone to another room. I sit on a couch and play with the carrot ( you know what I am talking about). Then some bunch of guys enters the room and face me in an awkward position with a carrot. They don't say a word and their faces are in shock. At first I feel I wanna disappear, but then on the back of my head there is this slight trust that none of this is real so I decide to go for it and propose them to fuck. After the initial shock, they actually go for it, so they line up and one at a time, they drop their pants and bang me. I had several orgasms for real without waking up. On maybe the third I do wake up, but hang in there between dream and wakefulness and the orgasm lingers in a limbo, without really ending for quite some time. When I fully wake up, I am still feeling the rush for some time after.

4th October 2021

Scraps:

(a long dream, but poor recall)

Some RTS segment and I recall beaches and water.

One part a bit Minecraft-like or some other game. T is here and someone else is with me? Some kind of tower, or otherwise large structure.

One of the last parts of the dream, I am my alter-ego and there are interactions with me as such. The other people are dream-generated. They seem to be pressuring me, or something? Despite my form, I feel slightly shorter than others.

Some other dream? H has convinced mom and dad to bring S over here. I think H goes to pick them up and I remember seeing them all at one point. I feel concerned about S because of all the usual reasons regarding costs and also because of the long trip.

Notes:

- The last part was certainly a reflection of how I sometimes don't feel listened to or validated on, regarding both matters of money and of companionship. In the segment, some beliefs I hold as very important are partly betrayed by my closest, besides the fact I feel it may be detrimental to both S's health and to my financial situation.

- That same segment probably also relates to how I have often been very easily upset by changes to what a situation is and changes to what it would be or would have been.

- More recently it has been more frequent for me to take on my alternate form in my non-lucid dreams. In this case, the context likely relates to my art and some perception that the expectations of others are above my own. My stature is clearly metaphorical in regards to my feelings in terms of recognition, but this dream element also relates directly to some of my choice themes and how I've often felt physically inadequate in some specific areas (primarily to my own expectations) when compared to others.
-- I do not recall what exactly the other people were pressuring me about, but in terms of my waking life contexts, art is the most directly relevant context here.

1st October 2021

Fragment:

I am in T's room. We're sitting together at his desk, which is facing the window. The curtains are open and it's a sunset outside. The sun keeps glaring in my face and I struggle with the brightness. At the same time, I can't get comfortable at the desk. I have a square monitor and my arms and wrists hurt with the way they rest on the desk, partly because my chair is too short. T says to do something about it then, and I get some pillows to stack on the seat.

In the middle of all this struggling, I end up at first missing the fact that the sunset is now over and the light is on now, but the curtains are still open.

(recall gap, the following are scraps from the same dream)

In WoW, I am mailing an item to myself. Some kind of developer marriage is interrupted by fans.

I am then in a Star Trek universe and am with an away team. End up in a room back on the ship where I try to use a replicator but I end up pooping myself in the room's bathroom or something.

---

Notes:

- The Star Trek locale was very reminiscent to the sets and layouts of Voyager, which I've recently been watching.
-- In that part of the dream, I remember feeling confused at several points and many things were going against me, in terms of events playing out. I think I may have been confined to some quarters. The replicator I tried using didn't function properly, at least for anything I wanted, but I can't recall what that mighthave been anymore.

- In the WoW segment, I was mailing an item to the same character I was playing and not an alt, something that's never been possible.
-- I have a faint recollection of the locale being some altered version of Stormwind.

- During the initial segment of the dream, I am struggling with issues that typically T would be more likely to struggle with, at least in regards to his room and layout. I would not have so much of an issue with the sun and would probably be appreciating it, in waking life. In a way, this dream moment is a window into my perception of his experience, on some level.

- The experience of struggling against the glaring sunset reminds me now very strikingly of the time I was walking back home with mom, at a time of a sunset but during which I hit my head on something metal and started bleeding, all of which was caused by struggling against a glaring sunset directly ahead.

24th September 2021

Left recall too late.

Fragment:

I'm in Gruul's lair, it's mostly like in WoW but something seems more realistic in detail, characters maybe? Me and a raid group kill Gruul rather quickly. It's a 25 man group but oddly most of the characters aren't actual players? I remember talking to someone too.

---

26th September 2021

There were other dreams but recall was again left too late I think?

Fragment:

One bit where I'm in space with an Avorion spaceship. I approach one of those concentric asteroid ring formations. Something later about dad talking to me about a mission or a bet which is worth sixty eight million. I am dismissive.

---

Notes:

- Maybe the realistic character details come from recently playing Conan Exiles.

- It may have been that I was speaking to L in the Gruul's lair dream but I cannot recall. There seemed to be some kind of backwards logic to the raid progression.

- I haven't actually been playing much in the way of space games.

13th September 2021

Recall mostly gone, left initial writing for too long.

Fragment:

I'm on our street but it's not like in waking life. It's a mix of streets from old London as in films and also of where H's mom lives. I just gout out of the car, maybe on my own. It's day time, but overcast? In the dream everything has a very real feel to it. As I'm dreaming, my memory feels fuzzy; "18, that's not the number of J's door, but this doesn't look like our street?" I think to myself.

I'm not sure what conclusion I made but I eventually go to ring the doorbell and go in. J is here briefly, I think. The house looks nothing like any of our homes, it just seems dream generated. Something about a pit or elevator shaft. Some task or chore that needs doing, possibly related to it? While indoors, it seems like the outside gets brighter than it had been.

---

20th September 2021

Scraps:

Getting into fights and arguments with my eldest sibling. As a dream character he blends with some stereotype/nasty dream character archetype. He's treating me like shit and has called me pathetic a great number of times over several days (false memory). I threaten him saying "I can change but you won't like it." I resist an urge to flip the dining table against him. Mom and dad defend me in their ways. Dad mentions something about if he'd had the dream/nightmare that I had... (my recall of this trailed off but there was an implied behaviour that he was being understanding)

At some point I throw a wooden chair against the wall. (It breaks?) Night time, we're in the second floor of the old home, the kitchen is L shaped.

Some other dream also involving old home themes, recall vague. I remember looking at some M/M stuff (on the computer?) and then some kind of disagreements?

---

22nd September 2021

Fragment:

In a supermarket with H. Very realistic, completely dream generated setting. Lots of running (literal?) around, as it's closing soon. Night time, they dim the lights but too much, I feel. I hope that H will complain as I am running around. Then the lights are still dim, but more acceptably so.

---

Notes:

- Recall has actually not been too bad in general for the last few months, but I keep leaving recall too long or falling asleep again without enough awareness to either recall later or to set an intent to notice I was falling asleep.

- In the second fragment, there's some sort of mirroring with the initial context and an incident when I was six or seven, at school.

12th September 2021

Fragment:

(earliest dream) Mix of Avorion and Freelancer I think. I go to secret systems, where I attack and destroy (wandering?) Nomad battleships. In one system, there's a super battleship in a dry dock. No enemies at first but doesn't take long until they appear.

Fragment:

Stuff about mom and dad and family in general. At one point I'm in a version of the old home, an altered version of my bedroom. I have stuff all over a table or bed. Notebooks, papers, etc. Many of which have drawings of mine. I'm looking for something but it's not drawings. Then at one point mom comes in and starts to look too. Now I'm concerned she'll see some of the drawings. I sometimes take things off her so she can't look.

(gap)

Then mom and L are in the kitchen (upstairs). There's a context of breakfast but it's still pitch black outside. I feel really drowsy and disoriented and I feel like I may be naked but nobody comments on it, if I am. I stumble a bit, I think towards the pillar corners in the kitchen, where I feel the fridge is, despite having seen it near the entrance on the left, next to L.

(gap)

A relatively long segment where I'm with aunt B and we go around in her car and it has issues at one point. She knows some scruffy mechanics that are actually pretty good as it turns out. The job costs 100 and is done in fifteen minutes. During that time we went to a cafe nearby. Southern P feel and sunset?

(gap)

Talking to mom and dad about the previous bit. Then mom asks me if I've been getting the money dad sends me and I'm trying to say thank you, but they don't hear and interrupt me every time too. Then they comment on how I should say thank you and I say (frustrated) I would if I got a chance to speak. Then, we talk about T but I actually want to talk to H but can't remember his name for some reason (language gearing). But so then T appears anyway and he seems ok but mom and dad quickly have a go at him over something minor and he understandably gets upset. Then he goes off in a direction towards a campus or something and we walk off up a slight hilly bit, towards a town or something. (general feel of a mix of home town and L)

Rest of recall gone but dream carried on for a bit.

4th September 2021

Fragment:

I'm with my family and my god mother's family. We're in some kind of hall, but it looks like a bigger version of my childhood bedroom, at least in layout. It also feels partly church-like. There's an on-going conversation about money, savings and debts. It's established that our family has less savings but also potentially much fewer debts to pay.

Then some discussion just between me and my siblings. We head outside and it's sunny, low angle, maybe misty.

(maybe earlier in the dream, disjointed) Some bit about needing the deuterium power cell to be replaced for the auxiliary power system of a flats building, maybe where aunt B lives. The deuterium radioisotope generators is in a small outbuilding that's fallen into disrepair, in the shadow of the apartment building. There's a presumably lead-lined window that gives a peek inside. There's a cyan-blue glow inside. I worry on some level about being exposed to radiation.

(disjointed, part of a living dream memory of sorts) I'm at a place like a mall or the cinema in a mall, reminds me of the one near home. Black or very dark walls? Dark flooring. There's something about WoW. (the false memory feels like it's part of my teen years but being relived)

Some other bit later on. A church place again? There's a coffin I think. Something about a corpse is important. I fight with someone, a frail-looking but kind of mad (insane) person?

---

Notes:

- Even almost twenty days after having first written this dream, my visual recall was notably better than I was expecting.

- In the dream and on initial recall I didn't think of it, but the cyan-blue glow chamber with the radioisotope cell somehow now reminds me of that dream I had with the lizard and the blue energy core. Very similar glow. Additionally, this small chamber was notably much darker than it should have been.

- Most of the dream involved warm colours apart from that glow.

23rd August 2021

Fragment:

Meeting L, mom's old friend from teaching. We're in the ramped bit going out of the cul-de-sac just in front of home. She comments that she taking some interest in me. I comment that it's nice for someone to take interest in you and she agrees. T is with us and it feels more cramped than it should feel, even considering this bit of pavement isn't that wide; it seems smaller than it should actually be and I think there's some clutter nearby too.

(gap)

Seeing T's room, it's a bit Japanese in style and actually quite big. Apparently it's his own flat.

---

Notes:

- Rest of recall was gone as I woke up to the sound of the doorbell being rung many times within a second or two. I got up from bed and went to check, nothing. I ended up concluding that it must have only been some kind of hypnogogic hallucination from still being sleepy, it wasn't a false awakening and there are no pranksters in the street, plus it would be way too early for it.

- I'm not entirely sure what could have brought on L as a dream character, I'm also not sure whether she's ever appeared before or not.