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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening


In Iceland with Zilla at some kind of natural hostel, with indoor pools. I left a pillow fall in one of the pools, but I am so cold I end up entering the water with my clothes on.
Some people I know are there taking a swim.
At the library earlier, Zilla had two of her cats with her, a yellow boy and a fluffy girl, protecting him from a third cat, which I guess was the library mascot.
There is a kind of canteen / living room, which is a bit hard to understand how it works. People are playing games, but also picking up food from a buffet and each person seems to have tasks attributed. We are hungry but a bit lost about how it all works. They have soups, different yummi breads and stuff I cant tell if it's vegetable or animal, but I assume all is vegetarian. They speak in icelandic, sing songs and it is both silly and adorable. They only apeak english to warn the guests that outside it is a pleasant -2°C. I shriek and they laugh, because for them it is a warm summer night.

I just arrived to Iceland airport. On the global map, I feel like I'm between Europe and Greenland.

I have a bit of time before my plane leaves, so I ask around, how to get outside. I have seen some beautiful nature pictures on some brochures and I want to see that. I see people walking with luggage, so I follow them, while keep asking about getting outside. Suddenly we are out, when it turns out that the path to another airport gate leads through outdoors. I say "see, exactly like this outside". As I look around at fresh show on the ground. Everything is white and beautiful, as we walk on a path in show, with trees lining the pathway. It's sunny and beautiful.

I come to a wooden path over a small brook forming a small lake. I look at it and I'm overcome with joy. So incredibly happy, that I see beautiful nature just like in the brochure. Almost as happy as when I realize in a dream that I'm dreaming or flying.

Somewhere there I also find a gift shop.

Random WILD

Last night, I realized something is going on. I started to rock on my bed. Just my dream body, ofc. The swing (or should I say it was motion from left side of the bed to the right side and back and forth, flat on the mattress) was getting wider and wider, and I picked up a nice momentum, when movement continued by itself. next thing I know I'm standing next to my bed, not in this room, but my childhood room, I think.

Don't remember how I got outside. But I'm standing on a rooftop of a skyscraper in a super modern city. I'm looking down and all around, no fear of height at all. I decide to climb up to the top of the tallest building. So i go through buildings, on the sidewalk. There are some new police recruits practicing climbing on the rope and doing some police actions. I get to the top, there are few more steps I need to take to stand on the highest point. The sun is setting and it's beautiful, I feel quite accomplished.


Few nights ago.
All I remember now is that I was in Iran.

Another night I was in Iceland. We landed there on our way from Europe to the west. Walking around the airport, stores, luggage, my brother, food...

EDIT
I just remembered this cool part about the lucid.
As I'm standing on the roof of this huge skyscraper, among other people milling around, there is a family with 2 year old boy. Sun suddenly shines through the clouds and everybody is so surprised and happy. I realize that in this future, there is no sun. Little boy gets down to the ground and is rolling around so happy to see the sun. I feel it's warmth on me.

I'm in a house in Iceland, that looks like my mom's kitchen. They are talking to me in icelandic, but I don't understand them, because I don't speak that.

Outside, it's overcast, cold. Looks like street outside of my childhood house. Kids just got out of the large metal tub outside in their front yard. They are all Icelanders. Short, blond hair, I'm amazed they are not cold to me in swimsuits. But I guess the water was hot. I wake up and I'm cold from sleeping at opened window.

At a large table with icelanders, eating food.

This dream was what I recalled this morning following the intention: My intention for tonight is first and foremost to wake up and remember my dreams. Secondly I feel like I am approaching a cross-roads and I feel uncertain about where to place my efforts, so I would be thrilled with some assistance from my dreams in this respect. But foremost I trust my dreams and want to remember whatever they bring. It feels as if it is relevant somehow and I will use it as an opportunity to practise both descriptive evocative writing as well as Jungian interpretation methods.

I am pondering the idea of going to Mexico, which appears much as you perceive a fantasy or mnemonic ideation in the waking state – the incipient sense of an image, a map perhaps, appearing before my inner eye.

I direct my attention outwards and find myself in the passenger seat in Steen's silver-grey car, although I am inside the car I can clearly see the matte nuance of the silver grey colour on the outside of the car. My dad is in the back seat, and he seems gleeful and excited though he doesn't say or do much during the dream. We are going on a trip, and my dad and Steen are there helping me out, as it is mainly me going on a mission.

It is pouring down outside, it is clouded and grey, which produce a darkish hue. We are at a ticket office, which resembles a mixture between a gas station and a junk food drive in. There are two protruding window tills on our right hand side and above an almost square section of roofing is covering the pavement next to the windows, providing some cover for the rain outside.

We drive slowly towards the first of the two window tills – one for ordering another for picking up the tickets – and as we do I feel something bump into the car towards the back, which also produce a mild audible thump. I look out the window and backwards to see if Steen has accidentally hit one of the massive concrete columns extending from the building. He is really close but I can't see any damage done to the car.

I lean back in and Steen switches on the radio and the GPS system. The audio-scape is flooded with remnants of old mobile conversations, radio clatter and noise. I feel uneasy and a bit confused, as it is supposed to be a GPS system, providing guidance. Steen remains rather calm and composed and simply asks the GPS if it is there, and it dawns on me that it is a voice activated system.

“I am here” a clear loud and direct female voice responds, which is a tremendous reassurance.

Steen proceeds to drive forward and I wonder why I don't have to open the window to get the ticket. “It isn't necessary when you have one of these” he says and points to a rectangular electronic device, with an old school digital display in the bottom right corner of the front window, just in front of me as it would seem. It is essentially a device that registers that he has been here and automatically charges him for the ferry ride, which is what the ticket office is for.

“So we are going to Iceland” he says, and I feel at first excited, but then a bit concerned because we will be sailing and we are supposed to go to either Mexico or the Faeroe Islands as well today and I am afraid we won't have time. I think about this only briefly before relinquishing the thought at aspiration to do all of these things.

We look at a map and a black marker line appears that takes us from the ticket office “to Odden” which on the map is a full scale island, elongated and egg shaped except for a very pointed en on the right hand side. The black line takes us to the top and centre of the island, where the port town is based, from where we will board the ferry to Iceland.

End of dream.

In this interpretation I will start by breaking down the dream into its constituent motifs, and run free associations on them.

There is a preceding map, an idea of a journey – which implies a plan and a set destination it also represents an overview of a trip, which can symbolise knowledge of where I am going in life. This is particularly salient as I am taken somewhere else than what I had “mapped out”, which excites me although the expectation of having to go somewhere specific within a given time frame becomes a source of frustration and tension/restlessness.

The car is a solid and large station car, it is silver grey – the colour symbolising the silver grey snake-like pathway through space I frequently perceive in meditation, cannabis and psychedelic states also symbolising the spiritual cord often reported as seen in OBEs.

The car is a symbol of my body, it is in good shape and the fact that my dad has been relegated to the back seat can be an expression of our recent confrontations and my insights on how he has dominated the development of my low self-esteem though his parenting style. He is now put in the back seat, representing that I still carry him with me and care for his approval and love, yet this aspect is no longer the driving motivating psychic energy for my aspirations for life – such as “save the world and become super famous”, which is simply a conditioned tendency I have developed as I felt under appreciated and unseen as a child.

Steen is an old friend of the family, both my mum and dad – I associate to him that he recently helped me out with cheaply renting his summer house to me following an Ayahuasca journey where I wanted to stop smoking and I didn't feel for returning to my parents' house where I currently live right after. At this time he said to me that he sees how my dad communicates to people and told me that one would get insane living in that environment constantly, which felt extremely pleasant to hear as someone external with knowledge of my dad seemed to understand how hard it can be. Recently my mother expressed – in a sober state – that it can be extremely challenging for her to live in that and that friends of the family finds it a challenge to be around him as well. With Steen in the driver's seat I feel that I have taken a step towards taking control of my life and am grateful for the moral support of individuating myself from my dad, who has – without fault of his own or even consciously – dominated much of my life, through establishing uncertainty both with regards to a fragile self-esteem but also the messianic and grandiose drive to save the world to finally be worthy of his admiration and love. Steen represents a new found aspect of myself that is compassionate and understanding towards why I have turned out as I did as well as the drive to liberate myself from the clutches of my dad.

The rain outside symbolise a torrential state of affairs with regards to my emotions – since my last Ayahuasca journey it is as if a lid has been removed and my libido is now coursing freely upwards, which result in more passionate responses and an easier time setting boundaries. It could also symbolise the fact that I am expending a lot of emotional energy in response to external uncontrollable aspects of the world, which is reminiscent of the saviour complex alluded to earlier.

The ticket office could symbolise a public institution, such as the Health Authorities which I have recently been in contact with, with regards Ayahuasca. I might be approaching, or at least that is how I perceive it, a point where I am close to getting in trouble due to my enquiries, yet no harm is done yet. The whole point of issuing a ticket could represent my thinking on Ayahuasca's precarious legal status and potentially in the future thinking of a license model for practising, where the dream hints at that license is nothing that comes from the outside but an internal license, a calling (electronic ticket system).

The GPS and radio system is particularly interesting to me. The clatter represents conditioned thinking and the attention I pay to outward clues for finding out how to direct my life. However when I look closely the “ancient mother” (female GPS voice) is there and is capable of taking me in the direction I need to go. The trick is to ask and learn to listen for what is coming from within and ignore restrictions I put on myself based on external sources of esteem and approval.

The fact that I am concerned with the duration of the trip represents a problematic aspect of how I relate to life in an impatient way. I am lacking trust in life unfolding as it is supposed to. This is related again to the map I saw in the beginning of the dream, which representative of how I tend to construct expectations of how life SHOULD unfold and I am operating under an assumption that I need to go somewhere specific and I need to go there quickly. In essence this result in an escapist approach to life, where I am not allowing it to unfold on its own terms and cannot fully embrace and meet events in a curious, compassionate and open way.

The end of the dream I see the ocean and the beach sort of imaginatively overlapped onto the map with the black line. I take it to symbolise that I am still in the process of letting go of my tendency to construct expectations and narrow definitions of success, but I will shortly arrive at a position where I let go and let Life overcome me and simply concede to the abrupt changes that are about to happen, with excited anticipation and joy in letting whatever happens happen. The fact that it is a sailing trip could represent a recognition of the potent force of the collective unconscious, and my submitting the stubborn fantasy that I am in control and surrendering to the collective collected wisdom of the evolution of Life itself.

Reconstructing the meaning from associated and elaborated ideas.

So a potential message from the dream could be that I am still constructing expectations of where and how life should take me. This becomes a source of frustration when I run into unexpected opportunities and twists of fate.

My dad has been a source for grandiose and messianic ideation, due to his belittling and command-like style of communication, from where he will never explain why he commands, reminds, reprimands, but simply asserts himself in a supercilious tone of voice. Since we have widely different interests in life and he has proclaimed that he has no interest (or capacity) in trying to understand me I have since very early childhood developed these tendencies as a way to garner his approval, which is already there he has just never shown it in a way I could understand it when younger. The fact that he is relegated to the back seat symbolise that I am relegating the grandiose and very ambitious saviour identities – and associated expectancies – to a position where they are no longer “driving me”.

The downpour contrasted with the comfortable, sturdy and undamaged quality of the silver grey car, can symbolise the progress I am making with meditation, where I have found an easier time dealing with painful emotions, as well as physical symptoms. They aren't allowed to penetrate to my core and when I continue the exercise I will strengthen my capacity to sift out the “radio clatter” (which can also signify the attribution of value to others' judgement of me) and listen to the voice of my heart, represented here by the Anima archetype, my deity in prayer – Mother Gaia.

The ticket office close call could symbolise that I need to tone down my activities with certain authorities to avoid getting in trouble, especially because I already have an inner license to pursue my dreams.

The trip to Iceland represents where I am headed next, which isn't a literal journey, although that might be fun also. In fact it might be very useful as it is Steen guiding me, which could mean a pointer to a place of safe haven, which he provided following my last Ayahuasca journey. However I have also recently considered reading up on mythology to get a better understanding of the empirical data that underpins the theory of the archetypes. This journey serves as a pointer towards examining Nordic mythology and shamanistic/divination cultural history.

In short. With particular reference to the intention here I am being reminded that uncertainty is OK, cause if I try and envision or anticipate a direction I will form an expectation, which will lead to suffering when life takes me elsewhere. As long as I listen to my inner voice the direction is guaranteed, so I should just continue the work of being better at letting go of old ways of thinking and sharpen my attention on what matters instead of the clatter. Then a further dive into the Nordic mythology is in store.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING PRECOG

0:55 GMT – Sleep

“Gay” friends
I’m with mom, coming out from her home, down the ramp to the main road. Once again I hope not to cross with this neighbour I had a crush for many years ago. Me and mom then drive to some city that looks like Brussels but a lot more colourful. We are looking for a place to eat but we have difficulty passing with the car to the area we want to go (because of traffic limitations) and then we spend a lot of time looking for parking. We just decide to go back home and cook something, because we’re already running out of time to go somewhere.
Later on I’m visiting this 2 friends. They are metrosexual guys in their 30’s who live together and everybody thinks are gay. I know they aren’t but they don’t seem to convince anyone else. One of them is on the phone with an old aunt and she is asking him if he still lives with his friend – hopeful that he might be finally living a straight life with a girl friend. He gets the innuendo in her voice and he replies a bit abruptly that yes he is living with his friend but they are not “living” together. He says he is tired of trying to explain but he no longer cares what they think but I don’t believe him. I sense he is still upset.

Friend from Iceland
With a group of friends in some kind of waiting room. One girl in the group who has family in Iceland was supposed to be going there but I hear on the news that there was another volcanic eruption and her village is in flames and many people are dead. She actually laughs at me when I go back to the room and tell her, but I tell her I’m not joking. She then gets upset and the others are comforting her..
Later I go down the corridor of this place (looks like an airport waiting room) and I enter a staff only area. I pass by some offices and I am aware I’ll be asked what I am doing there if someone sees me. So, logically I decide to sit on a sofa at the entrance of one of the far end offices, just on top of some stairs going down. There’s someone inside the office and I am nervous but decide to stay there. I see a table with magazines and maps and pick up something. Then some lady comes up the stairs and asks me if I such and such person who has an appointment now. She is psychologist. Apparently I wanted to pretend I was such person but I fail to keep the lie and she starts suspecting. I just look at what I have in my hand and it is a map of Ghent (in Belgium). I recognize the streets and the main area around the bigger canal and I decide to jump off this dream and land there.

British royalty
I enter the map and land in front of the canal. I feel amused, I’m slightly aware that I am dreaming and decide to jump on the water with a huge splash. I have some fun and then realise there’s some sort of gathering or parade on the city. The British royalty is present and I see Prince Charles on a carriage parading in front of people. But the most interesting is that I spot the Queen and the Queen-mother under disguise following him on foot through the middle of the public. I wonder why nobody else noticed that already and I also wonder what they are up to. Then the Queen-mother feels sick. In the middle of the crowd no one seems to notice, but Prince Charles knows and jumps off the carriage and goes pick her up. The public is still not aware of what’s going on but a bunch of body-guards come from all over the place to surround them. The prince takes his granny up on his arms to a van nearby and they run fast to avoid people starting grabbing and pushing when they realise who is walking among them.

5:30 GMT

Sleeping over and sharing room
I’m sleeping over at some guy’s house with a 2nd guy. The house owner is an older guy, foreign, tall with grey hair and the second guy is Manuel, shorter, with glasses and round face, whom I know – he is a politician.
For some reason I don’t grasp we’re sharing the same room and the 2 guys are on the same bed and left space for me to join them – nothing sexual intended, just sleeping. But still I feel extremely uncomfortable and just sit on the floor writing on my paper DJ. I turn my face to sneeze and I expel really disgusting green and brown goo that dirties the wall. Manuel woke up and sees it and feels disgusted, but his reaction is to pretend he is still sleeping and didn’t see anything. I try to clean it up with Kleenexes but it’s not working. Then the older guy wakes up and helps me out. He goes get a wet tissue and I am able to clean the mess. But either he is upset that I woke him up or also feeling disgusted, he goes to the living room and watches TV. It’s around 5 am and I tell him he should go back asleep but he doesn’t even reply. I realise we are talking in English but the guy speaks Portuguese and the other is also Portuguese, so I say “sorry for speaking in English but it just comes natural for me and the guy smiles and says it’s the same for him.”

7:00 GMT

Hot air balloon
With a group of youngsters, I look at the sky and see some strange clouds, in the shape of medusas. We think it’s a UFO and then one lands on the ground nearby and from inside it comes a second bunch of youngsters. They are totally excited, they come to us and say they’ve just had a ride on an hot air balloon and that we must go to.
The group I’m with gets totally convinced and decides to go. A tram arrives to take them to the balloon. They ask me if I wanna join. I first say no, that the experience of being up on the air is not new to me and I don’t see much the point. But they insist and I finally agree. I also enter the tram. As I enter the tram, the driver, an old gentleman with white moustache smiles at me and tells me the ticket costs 6 EUR. I sit by the side of a little girl who is more scared than excited and I tell her it will be ok. We arrive at the top of a hill but the balloon is on the ground, not yet filled with hot air and we feel disappointed.

Medical centre in home town
I’m inside a village medical centre. I’m near the desk, I think waiting for my turn. My mom is also there and we make shifts on the queue. She is telling everybody I have an appointment with Dr. Fernando Nobre – he is a doctor but I don’t think he practices anymore, he is the director of an international NGO and is currently running for the presidency, so I don’t really understand why I supposedly have an appointment with him. My attention is attracted to this lady on the desk, she is in her 60’s and she is speaking Russian and German to the patients who come talk to her. I feel impressed, because from my experience these ladies on the medical centre’s desk are usually quite ignorant and impolite. I see on the desk a basket of apples for people to take. I take one and I am surprised to find it is organic. I also see these posters on the wall announcing some organic fair or convention. Are they finally teaching people about real healthy options in life? I feel so surprised. As I wonder about these things I turn to my left and meet this hippie-ish couple. I think she is pregnant and we start talking about these “organic developments”. I then go outside to get some fresh air and I pass by all these people from my home town – girls from my school now with kids, fat and totally dull. I don’t want to judge people but they are totally judging me. They look at me from head to toes, with disapproving yet jealous looks. I then see my reflection on the glass wall – I am almost in my warrior me: short dark hair, dressed in black and red, so totally different from them, like worlds apart. I think how I cherish my adventurous life and couldn’t settle with a desk job 9 to 5 and marrying and having kids and living back in home town. I feel grateful but I am also aware this is ego cherishing and I should not feed it.

8:20 GMT – Wake up