Recent DJ Posts

I love Sailor Moon. Does this count as a scary dream? I wouldn't call it a nightmare...

I am Tsukino Usagi (the main character of Sailor Moon) - appearance-wise, at least. It might be better to say I'm alternately watching her and being her. She has one sister and a father who is very controlling and doesn't let her go outside. But one evening, somehow, she manages to leave. As I'm walking down the street away from the apartment, I see my father outside a pub on the adjacent street. He is talking and drinking in the warm light and doesn't seem to have noticed me, so I continue walking at the same speed, head down, to avoid attracting his attention. As soon as I'm past the street corner and out of his view I run as fast as I can into town. It's dark out, and there aren't many people about, however the night this time has a dark brown sky rather than a blue one. It reminds me of an old photograph and imparts a sense of finality.

Some time later. I can see inside the apartment while not being there. Usagi's father is there seething over her disappearance while her mother frets, her younger sister (who looks a lot like another character) sits on the floor at his feet. I get the feeling that they are all afraid of him. He vows to find Usagi and bring her back.

Usagi goes to hide in various places. I see her inside a closed shop, a single dim light overhead. Her wristband glows (when did that appear?) and some waves radiate downwards from the lamp. I know instantly that they are transmitted by her father and he now knows where she is. I feel a terrible foreboding.

I don't remember much after that. I feel that she ends up being caught but continues to plan another escape.

I'm not sure if this dream is scary so much as unsettling. It's been years since I had a proper nightmare.

For a moment I see myself: a tall man, dressed in black and with black hair. I'm not myself in this dream, I am him, seeing everything through his eyes. I don't feel like a girl anymore.

A street at night. It's wide enough, paved evenly, though the slabs vary in colour and shade. The streetlamps give off a low, cool white light that's like moonlight. The sky above is dark blue without a single star.

In the middle of the two-lane road is an industrial-looking island, a tangle of thick pipes and ducts that come out of the ground and go back in again, twisting over one another. It's confined into a strict rectangular patch of ground. In the light the curves of the metal are glinting dully. I walk with quiet but sure footsteps onward, past railings and railings and railings, black and gleaming along the length of the street and around the corner. As I near it, eerie music starts playing from one of the corner houses. The house is purplish-grey and has three stories and a basement. On the first floor only the house's corners are missing and covered with a thick dark grey mesh. From here a bright purple mist is wafting out from inside. A purple van in front of the house reads in bubble letters above the windscreen: 'Ultra Shelibatology'.

I pass the house and walk through many more residential streets, across main roads; everything is dark and cool and quiet. Until when passing a garden square I catch sight of a man inside, watching me. He has light hair sticking up in tufts and his whole face is obscured in the dark except his staring eyes. Our eyes meet. Another person walks by in front of me.

Went to bed at 11:00PM.

Fragment
There is a beach on a starry night. Galaxies are visible in the vast darkness of space.
The beach itself reminds me of GP's bachelor party from a few years back.
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong are battling each other on the beach.

Woke up at 6:45AM.

This was another surprise. My sleep schedule has been terrible. I hope these spontaneous lucids lately mean that my work with dreamsigns and awareness is paying off!

Went to bed around 2AM.

Dancing with Cars
I'm outside my childhood home. The yard looks like a mixture of heavy green and blue hues.
I perform a nose RC and realize that I'm dreaming.
My first thought is to try and stabilize, so I start rubbing the tree in the front yard. It's kinda wet, and I rub my feet on it too.
The dream is very vibrant, with the aforementioned green and blue hues. I wonder to myself if this is what people mean by 'dreamlike'.
I'm rubbing my hands and the tree trying to stabilize but the dream is fading. I started having a mental dialogue.
Sure, this is fading, but even if we have to WILD back in, we should be able to save this attempt.
I held on to the tree trunk, not wanting the dream to end.
To my delight, the dream fades back in. My tactile sense comes back first, holding the tree, and then my vision.
I walk away from the tree and I'm still rubbing my hands together. I narrate outloud what I'm doing as I move.
"I'm dreaming, rubbing my hands, and walking."
"This is a dream."
"I'm dreaming, rubbing my hands, and walking."
"This is a dream."
I approach our next door neighbor's garage door and notice that instead of an actual garage door, there is a set of regular doors in a line.
Perfect. I can use that to go somewhere new. However I'm not lucid enough to think about going to Silverlight Way (fantasy forest goal), and I decide that I want to go to Australia.
Before attempting to open the door, I visualize a green/yellow hued, wild jungle. I really focus on trying to hear the bugs, animals, branches and all that. This aligns with Australia apparently.
I say "Jungle!" and open the door.
And as is tradition at this point, I see a boring neighborhood on the other side of the door.
I shut the door, try again. Fail. This repeats a few times.
On the final try, I get a slightly different looking area. The architecture of the buildings looks a bit more interesting and there is a highway structure with cars high up.
I decide that is a more fitting setting for a lucid dream, so I go through the door.
I emerge into a street, and out in front of me is a set of tall buildings and the highway up in the sky. It's definitely night-time here.
I wander around a bit, enjoying the dream scene and sense of freedom.
...
I'm in a plane-hanger, talking to a tall man that may have been a coworker from long ago. The plane hanger is in the same environment as before, but I lost lucidity at some point.
He's telling me about an acne problem a current coworker, JG, has.
...
I'm wandering and realize that I haven't flown yet, and my lucidity comes back.
I take off towards the tall highway structure.
Music starts to play. It's melancholy, upbeat, but also happy. I can still hear it and I'm wondering if the melody exists already in the real world. It reminds me of Foals a little bit. There was a repeating three note rhythm, and the final lyric in the pattern was 'stop' or 'shop'.
I land on the raised highway structure. I think to myself that lately I haven't really demonstrated a high-level of dream control. I remembered some people on DV that talked about facing that DCs aren't real, and going through with dangerous situations.
I look out to the oncoming traffic and decide that I'm going to interrupt it. I hover in midair on the highway, just a foot or so above the ground.
The first car comes by, and it grazes me on my right side. As it approached it looked like it was moving around 75mph, but when it was close to me, it was more like 30mph. I slide my hand across it as it goes by.
The music from earlier is still playing. The next car approaches, and I do a 'wax-on, wax-off' motion on my right side. The car wildly flips in the air and flies off into the distance. I'm flipping cars with telekinesis in rhythm with the music.
It's total carnage, and I'm just like, vibin' with the music. But it turns out the DCs don't like to be tossed into oblivion, and cars start to park and queue up to block the road. They are getting out of their cars and approaching me. Chasing me.
The music is still playing, so it doesn't feel like a nightmare. More like a music video. I'm flying, running, and jumping to escape them.
Eventually I reach a garage-type area. BD from highschool is there, and he is trying to handcuff me with a bunch of different types of cuffs, but none of them are working.
One of them though, works, and bands my hands together. It's made from a silicon-material, similar to my smartwatch band.
...
There's a spinoff conversation about Apple TV remotes being smooth, and JG from earlier in the dream is showing off that she has a special edition one.
I've lost lucidity at this point.

Recorded at 7:25AM.

Went to bed around 1AM.

Fragment
I'm at the airport.
My Grandma P, Uncle J, and brother are there to pick me up.
I'm angry with them about something and I storm away with my bag, outside, and across the street.

Zones
I'm at a football game at my highschool field.
It's nighttime, under the lights.
A cheerleader girl bumps a microphone boom on the sideline and apologizes.
Initially I'm on some bleachers on the endzone side of the field.
DTP.
There's a football game on a screen, and I see the cheerleader bump the boom and apologize exactly the same way.
I'm in a bar that looks like a Pizza Hut with my girlfriend and my friend J.
J is having a rough time from too much weed.
The bartender looks like Ryan Reynolds and he is making us a series of strong looking drinks.
The bartender also lays out some joints and calls them 'enchiladas'.
I realize that I need to be able to drive home so I take it easy.
There's another guy here (seems to know the bartender), and I'm concerned that if I get sick, he will try to get with my girlfriend.
All recorded on waking around 8:30AM.

I'm packing up my camping gear inside a building. Some friends are there as well and one hands me some trash to take out. As we all finish packing, we start walking out and enter a new building. This one resembles a cafeteria and has quite a few people sitting or walking around. Our group decides to do something crazy to get everyone riled up. We end up running around and eventually back outside. It feels like we're now in a car of some kind as we navigate through a construction zone towards a stadium. As we start walking again, I notice that it's rainy and dark outside. Because of the rain, workers at the stadium are limiting the number of people walking down the stairs to the entrance. I wait at the top as the other group descends and then they allow us in. The stadium is also dark and not covered so it is still raining. The stage towards the middle though is massive. I find my group sitting together on the right side actually just underneath some coverage from the rain so that the seats are dry.

I'm at a house at night with several others, including coworkers. I feel slightly irritated at all the cars that are parked here. One area is covered by electric vehicles of all kinds, Tesla, Rivians, etc...

looked through an old dream journal i kept before i found this website and saw this:

6/4/23 (6th of April)
"i was walking down a sunny neighbourhood street with a group of people my age that i didn't recognise. Then i walked off with one of the girls from the group and ended up at her house, asleep in her lap as she watched a video in the middle of the night."

I don't remember this at all, but I thought it was cute :- )

2022 June 27th

Some bracketed in-line notes. I need to return to this dream and make some fuller notes when I feel able to, hopefully soon.

Fragment:

Something about a (dream) country relating to the Iberian peninsula. This small country is located just over the north east of the USA at where a tip of Canada would be and seems to be in-between these two countries. I see some statistic or just know that there are less than 1.5 million inhabitants. (Oddly enough, on one of the weeks after this dream, I was looking at this general region with satellite views, based on some conversations I was having with LF)

(recall gap?)

Then I'm in my native country but I'm a character that's not me exactly. I need to get to the embassy on one side of a plaza, something about a passport? It's night time and there's a large government building on one side of the plaza with a few prominent uplighting spots. Neo-classical or classical-revivalist architecture. There are police officers in the area, probably due to this building. I think one of them comes over to me when I wander more to the middle near the government-y building. The officer turns out to be a woman and I ask where the embassy is. She tries to help me but after a while of her taking me through some streets and construction sites I start to wonder if my interests are at heart.

At one point I notice some workers at a construction site giving me/us a funny look or something? Some part of me thinks that it's odd that there's construction work going on at night.

(recall gap)

Then I'm at a fancy house place. Lots of detailed cornicing and mirrors on the walls and ceilings which have some kind of abstract Greek themed theatrical show going on, it looks like it's projected but I don't see any projector and may assume that the surface is able to display something like a screen would, despite its curved contours. There's a largely classical theme. The walls and cornicing are all white and it's fairly bright in here, though there's something of a mood light thing going on, mostly cool tones.

I'm here with my cousin T and H. T's wearing some kind of cream or pink silk pyjamas and I rest my head on her crotch and I close my eyes and she pets and strokes my head. I think about how it'd be inappropriate if I became aroused and I also think about how I might not be able to help it. I hold on to or hug her leg. (Similarities to having been awake and holding H, possibly partly awake as this dream segment was happening)

Then we show her to her bed, in size it's somewhere between a single and a double and she gets upset notably upset about this. I think the room is dark/we didn't switch the lights on?



Notes:
- I'm not sure what would have been the source for the first segment in this fragment, but I can recall some years ago I had a discussion with a friend (K) on the subject of countries with lower populations.

- I feel that for some weeks now I've been having dreams that are on parallel to schemas like that of the second segment here. Dreams in which I'm not strictly speaking my normal "self" as a character and in which I have all the same type of agency, decisions and worries as I normally would. Sort of related, today (16th of July) I wrote a bit on another journal about the somewhat lengthy absence of any other inner voices or personalities and a general absence of visual imagination among other things.
-- In reality I'm not sure how frequently I've been having these dreams (of "not myself" exactly) because I haven't thought of a tag or way of categorising them, and right now I'm thinking that I should go back through my DJ a bit at some point and find out how many instances there really are and how far back do they go; it's possible that at the moment I'm just paying more attention to this particular type of schema.

- As hinted towards, I have recently had some worries/thoughts about passport renewal and sort of by extension also about travelling. Specifically, to my old home.

- T's presence in this dream follows common patterns that the rest of her appearances in have in my dreams, but I can't remember any time specifically in which she got as upset as in this dream, about the bed. As I recall, I understood in the dream that she was upset that the bed wasn't big enough. Even in the dream, the way she stroked my head reminded me of what it was like to be a child.
-- I think segments like this one in dreams call me to create a different journal with a different complexity from what I've been doing. This type of DJ simply cannot fit into it the type of analysis that some of these dreams practically seem to be demanding of me.

2022 May 13th

Dream (DFLN):

I'm helping someone with a quest or something. We go into a portal thing which is between some humanoid mobs. It takes us to a reward dimension and there are five mounts, one for each player had we been in a full party. The mounts look like a snow plow/dozer machine. Orange or rusty tones? Once we get out, the other guy has already customised and decorated his "mount" and I think about doing the same when I get a chance.

(recall gap)

I'm in a town somewhere, looks a bit like areas around old home. It's night time and there are sodium street lamps, though there is more colour distinction than they would allow for. I'm under a little covered bit, like the entrance to a restaurant or house, but it's unlit I think, taking care of laces on my footwear or something, when I hear the voice of M and that stupid laughter of his.
(note to self, writing this, my recall of the dream has improved a lot as I remember the following negative moments)

He's talking to someone and I hear them approaching along the street. I deliberately take my time now and look busy, avoiding looking at all and focusing on the laces. Then, when they pass close enough M sees me and says "hey onion hair" and laughs at me. I turn around toward him now and see he's sort of perching forwards on a dividing section. I feel annoyed, angry and threatened. So I swing a bag full of stuff at him, hitting him on the head. He barely flinches however and makes some sarcastic or mocking remark, I think indirectly, talking to this other guy who's with him.

I try to compose all my stuff and go, struggling with a version of my tablet which is in A3 in size, trying to flip it closed. (rest of recall was lost)

Later, I tell H about the encounter and says "I would have hit him" to which I reply "I did hit him", possibly in frustration.


2022 May 16th

Scraps:

Something with family. Mom, dad and sibling T. Out somewhere? (recall was not retained because I left it for two days)


2022 May 17th

Fragment:

I'm at some shops with siblings T and L and also dad. We're looking for some chocolate cake thing, one of those moist ones with sprinkles on it. Dad moves away in some part of this shop. I can't recall what's on display but me and my siblings are talking about foreskins or something. I picture something about it in my head.

(recall gap)

I am outside at some point. There's a very dark, heavy and moody atmosphere, all red and black tones/hues, a sort of mist or fog too. It's a city street of some kind? I remember tall buildings, but with no windows or anything. Just plain facades. (after waking from the dream, this made me think of Trove for some reason)



Notes:

- I hadn't had a dream with M (previously referred to as MB sometimes) for a while. I'm not sure anymore what could have prompted his appearance in this dream.
-- Probably also one of few "bad" dreams I've had in quite a while too.

I seem to be staying with a large group of people in a sort of vacation rental house. It’s late night, early morning, and having woken up, I’ve checked on the cats to make sure they’re still here, where they’re supposed to be. (I notice at some point that I’m not wearing pajamas, but an olive green cargo vest over a multicolor shirt, which strikes me as a little odd.) The cats are fine, but it looks like other people are up and about as well – the other young people there seem to be gathering together in an unused room, and there’s an atmosphere of anticipation, as if some spur-of-the-moment plan is being put together. I don’t really feel like going in to see what’s going on, though – I walk past to the bathroom down the hall.

After that, somebody actually comes along to invite me to join them, and there’s a jump to another location, this one outside, along a street of what seems vaguely like a small city. We’re near an ice cream vendor and his cart, and somebody has apparently managed to get a really good deal on a large quantity of ice cream. The man scoops different kinds out and hands it over to the people who are also out here now. An older man explains to me what’s going on: everybody is planning to travel together to Prague to see the Pablo Neruda museum. (This places the location firmly in Dream-Prague, as no such thing exists there, as far as I know.)

He has a picture of it, like a newspaper clipping in black and white showing the front of the building, which strikes me as familiar. There are four odd statues out front, roughly human-shaped. One seems to have a head the shape of a crescent moon. The man states that the museum is located in the Place of Right. This confuses me for just a second. Then I tell him that the name would probably be something more like “Law Square” or “Legal Plaza” translated into English. My memories of the place suggest that the association with the law comes from a former era and is not representative of the present-day location, that it’s located near the Mala Strana area (possibly by association with Nerudova Street) or a bit south of that, and that there’s a Gothic tower in the square as well as the museum.

All of us are in Croatia, and I’m not sure if I feel like traveling all the way to Prague, especially since I visited the museum relatively recently. But it would be an interesting experience in its own right, traveling there with all these people. And maybe they could use someone who knows their way around there. Somebody brings me a cup of ice cream, white with flecks of chocolate or cookies in it. I take it. I don’t really like ice cream that much, especially not first thing in the morning, but it would probably just sit there and melt if I refused.

-12.5.22

I was trying to sleep in real life but a lot of construction was happening and instead of thinking of it in a negative way I tried to view it as a way to help me fall asleep. Before I knew it eventually I decided to get up from my bed with my blankets and proceeded to open the front door outside and go to a nearby stairway to sleep on instead.

As I'm laying on the stairs thinking about finally getting some sleep. I notice a higher stairway to go up and figure I'll probably be less bothered by people if they can't see me sleeping. So I got up and went up to the stairs and as I got to the highest point I saw a open door to a person house.

My curiosity got the better of me and I went inside and look around. I immediately realize I was committing a crime while be inside this person home. I accidentally knock over a vase with flowers and it shatter on to the floor. I look around and thought to myself I have to get out of here. I started looking for the door I walk in to the home but wasn't able to find it. I then found a front door with a lock and unlock it to go outside.

I opened the door and was extremely stunned to see it pitch black outside. But it was just morning going in to the evening soon. There's no way it could be night again. I started becoming lucid and knew I was in a dream. I walk outside for some time in till the dream scene change and I lost lucidity.

5th November 2021

Dream:

Later bit, disjointed. JC discovered he's suffering from macaquism (made-up dream thing?) after he was "enlightened", in his words, about my condition. Then, we get to start on drawing class, it's like at college/high school but different room and layout.

Earlier. In a city, L? Cobbled and semi-narrow pavements. I'm going to the bank. There's been some disaster and the building across the way from the bank looks like it's partly exploded and I want to take photos. It's night time and I fiddle on with my camera and the poor lighting. People are gathered nearby and I sort of make my way through and past them, having apparently forgotten my goal. I go far enough to find firefighters and such who are now off duty.

The sky/light is getting brighter? Not as dark now, early day. There's some kind of secondary blast and it makes me jump a little. At the end of the way there are some school kids fighting amongst themselves, blaming each other for something. I turn back after I get a small hit of flying vomit from the kids, although I did not have line of sight to what was actually going on. I go past the bank again now, noticing that it has been damaged too. At this point I remember about wanting to go to the bank but realise I can't so I carry on. I have thoughts about my family, maybe if they're wondering about what's taking me so long.

At one point, there's some villain. I get into a situation where I'm now inside the bank building and I get herded around with other people, wrong place wrong time. I mostly find all of this to be annoying more than anything else. We're made to get off the building by something like a fire escape stair but it doesn't go down far enough. A young woman just jumps down and injures herself, knocked out. I understand that would be foolish to repeat and so instead I climb down more carefully by holding the railings and effectively dropping a much shorter distance, and safely.

Then something about a hero being needed (some narration?), and sure enough a single one answers the call. It's a middle-aged man, not confident in his role as a hero. He doesn't trust that his devices will be enough. (Intrusion, partly related to my thoughts over the years about Batman) Equally, I am not very confident in this hero's ability myself. He seems willing to try, regardless.

(Recall gap?)

Some bit later on, sort of at the old home. Something in the balcony of my old room. There are weird bugs, leaf bugs, I think I tell dad. And other weird black skittering centipede things, but kind of fat. They are having a war of some kind between some spiders, big and small. I think to myself that the only answer to this will be mass destruction. I think of what chemical would both be at hand and also appropriate in terms of effectiveness.

Notes:

- I remember carrying my replica gladius around in the dream, for a large portion of it.

- The last bit with the bugs fighting the arachnids at first glance seems to relate to thoughts that more developed species or cultures may have at any point about less developed ones, say if some highly advanced species visited us or vice versa. Like many other things though, I am noticing that this is a pattern (of thought in this case) that is abstract and can be applied in a multitude of different but similar contexts; in a sense relating to concepts of macrocosmos vs. microcosmos and how they mirror each other.

- Although I didn't make note of it in my initial notes, I get the impression I was lucid for some of this dream, but I don't recall thinking of this as a lucid on waking. There were certain pre-lucid elements and it may have just been a case of higher awareness closer to the required threshold for lucidity.

- I don't know what the supposed illness JC had might have been in terms of symptoms, as I didn't notice anything specifically. Thematically, it all seemed to be a bit about the ability for someone else to understand the difficulties of some illnesses based on having their own experiences with an illness.

- Despite my low level of confidence in him and his own low level, the middle-aged hero persisted in his role. Heroism is not necessarily about bravery but sometimes maybe about the lack of freedom of choice? Plus, the role of a hero is not necessarily easy or by choice anyway? Many "heroes" the world have seen have been posthumously awarded the honour and in life were often not recognised. This dream as a whole had more themes about death (and life) than I realised or noticed at first: My friend's illness, implied to be lifelong; the exploded building with a subsequent explosion; the woman who jumped off trying to get away, knocking herself out; the hero who may face his doom, seemingly left with no choice; the bugs fighting their own wars, ignorant to a higher intelligence intent on destroying them all.
-- I feel that in the last few months I've had a lot of dreams relating to death and the state of post-death, sometimes very much in a "what if" way, all of it seemingly relating to my questions to myself about legacy (framed as: "should I die today, then...?").

11th June 2021

Some in-line notes, in brackets.

Fragment:

I'm in the bathroom at the old home. I'm having a wee or something, I think I'm fully naked (probably since I sleep that way and if I got up for the bathroom, it would be the case anyway). I notably recall that the light is on (but there is no reason for it not to be and the situation seems normal enough).

I hear the front door opening and notably I hear T's voice and a male stranger. I deduce they are friends and hear them come into the house. I'm aware of it being quite late and so I find it a bit odd. I can sort of see through the wall, mentally, getting an idea of where they are. T either comes up to the bathroom door to talk to me or I called. We talk about something but I cannot remember what and I feel pressed to put some clothes on to get out of the bathroom, maybe to find out more?

The feeling I have around the stranger is mostly that of suspicion, I think because of the late time. I think about going back to my bedroom and possibly imagine it visually.

1st June 2021

Fragment:

In a PvP battleground, themed on Kul Tiras or something, lots of wooden beams and structures, sort of grungy and moody atmosphere. Mechanically it's somewhat like Alterac Valley, except each side has to capture ten flags from the other side and the flags would spawn or drop from some players as far as I could see. It was a long and drawn out battleground, I remember seeing in the interface, at the top under the score, that we had been in it for twenty eight minutes or something.

I was a female night elf huntress, having a dragon hawk or ravager for a pet. I fight some horde players a few times but I'm not especially strong and do very little damage, plus I'm usually outnumbered. I remember using the aspect of the cheetah to get away more than once; we can't use our mounts on this battleground, despite it's seemingly vast size. At one point I chase after a blood elf, a death knight maybe? The level bracket is weird, like from twenty to sixty.

Near the end, me and someone else are partly disguised (as what?) and we confront this horde player who had been running away from me. (In the dream I was certain he was much stronger, but he had a flag and I still wanted to stop him)

Then it's less like a battleground and more like a department store in a mall, I'm walking around with these two people and we're talking about gender. There's something about how straight women are feeling misrepresented by a porn study? I felt like it was a diverse and inclusive study based on what this woman who was walking with me was telling me. It felt to me like the women complaining were picky and/or spoiled straight women, probably white in my mind.

Fragment:

In the kitchen at the old home. It's night time and the ceiling fluorescent light is on. J and L are between the two pillars and they're talking. I'm leaning against the counter in front of the sink, mostly just listening, occasionally saying something. The table is open/extended. There's a fan heater pointed at my feet, pointing toward me, I feel the heat/warmth on my legs. I point it toward them instead and J thanks me. The plug is coming from under the table, but in reality I don't think there are any sockets there.

---

Notes:

- I feel as though there have been quite a few dreams about the old home or hometown lately.

- Not sure what brought on the thing about the study at the end of the dream but last night I was watching something from the 80s that had a segment that seemed (to me) sexist against women.

- I just remembered "ten flags" is an actual thing, when I typed the title for this.