Recent DJ Posts

Originally journal on 06/29/2023.

Bizarre experience! I've never had anything quite like this happen.

I had a lucid nightmare the other night. Being lucid, I decided to stay in the dream. However, my spouse (in waking life asleep next to me) woke up in terror and started yelling.
Her yelling woke me up. I opened my eyes and she was yelling right in my face clear as day. She was looking straight at me, shouting "Go away!"
I could distinctly see the horror in her eyes. I told her that everything is fine, trying to calm her down.

Afterwards, she told me that she was NOT yelling in my face at all. That never happened. Not from that perceptive, anyway. She did yell those words, but not at me. She was looking at something red behind me and that's what she was yelling at. She had leaned forward to get close to it when she started yelling at it.

So, I saw from the perceptive of the red thing she was yelling at, not my body, which was facing a different direction in a completely different position in the room.
It was completely dark in the room as well. I saw her as though there was a bright light illuminating her face, but there was never any light.
This was an OBE, I concluded.

That's all for now!

So, I have been watching a lot of Youtube videos on mediatation, chakra balancing, heart-brain coherence, past lives regression, afterlife, OBEs and binaural beats on all of the above subjects.

About a week ago I had a WILD with some Alpha GPC and galantamine.

1. I asked to be shown something spectacular. At first I whisper the request, then I remember how interesting it feels when you talk out loud in a lucid, and I start shouting it out.

After phasing through many walls through what seemed to be an empty underground garage/storage space, I enter a huge office room. Dozens and dozens of single seat desks with young people. The room is very colorful. Lots of blues and reds. I look closer, and everybody is building legos, lol. It's a "test kitchen" for legos, haha. People are building them to test them.

I think the dream was caught by surprise by my request, because I sensed some hesitation, as if it didn't know what to show me, haha.

2. After I walk through the lego room and the last wall, I end up outside. I ask to see my past life. I'm shown pictures that are displayed in front of me on a large old fashioned 35 mm film in the air. I see some images and to each of them I say No, no, no... Few pictures show a cemetary and I say NOPE, NOPE.

But the dram is not really listening and I end up laying in a very shiny black coffin with the part by head opened, so I can see outside. I'm looking at this from above as the coffin is slowly sinking into soft mud.

So, I think I'm done asking for past lives for a while haha.

Deliberate OBE.
This morning around 6 am my cat woke me up making noise with some plastic bags. I told him to stop and he did. Then he did it again, I had to get up and hide it. I was a bit annoyed because I had last hour to sleep and was worried I won't be able to fall asleep again.

But as soon as I layed down I felt vibrations. Not very strong and they were not too concentrated.

I start saying UP, UP, OUT and as I'm laying on my side with by back to the window, I start to feel headrush and I'm moving with my back leading the way towards the window.

I remember I wanted to see my body, so with great effort I stop moving through the window and I walk back to my sofa. The room is same dark as in WL, illuminated with few night lights. Just enough to see that I'm not on the sofa. The layout is the same and I feel that it is my real IWL room.

Then I remembered to check the top of the kitchen cabinet to see if the things I left there few years ago are still there and what it is. (I left there some things when doing OBE experiments).

It's hard to move and I remember that I have to practice navigating and moving in the astral.

When I get outside, I'm somewhere else, not in front of my apartment. Some kind of underground garage with thick concrete walls, well illuminated. Out of the room comes out a man, who I know is my husband. I'm all excited to tell him "I just had a first conscious OBE". I have a little bit of trouble pronouncing "conscious". He is happy for me.

Then I look at my hands and I say "look I have no body" but I see my normal looking hands. Only one finger is a bit shorter, as if I lost the tip in some accident, but it healed already. I'm disappointed because in Astral, we don't have a body. I try this one more time later, and i have the same human looking hand. I can even recognize it as mine in WL.

THANK YOU!

Today, when I left the body, I found myself in darkness. The feeling was still great since I managed to relax to greater extent than usually. The separation itself was felt as if I sublimed slowly out of body and condensed next to bed. Immediately, I went away. When I was about 5 meters from the body, I stopped to feel connections to it, which improved quality of vision. I made myself to see in darkness. I didn't observe nothing interesting for some time. After about 10 subjective minutes of my house exploration, I came to doors around which the light radiated. As if someone was behind them. I went through the doors and saw a group of beings looking as if they were animated using bright colours which also radiated that light... think of Simpsons but with more details. Those beings felt wrong... and I felt something like: I should fear them. Having none of that, I went to those beings. They saw me, darkened and changed to dark grey color scale. And they started to move toward me. I didn't stop and relaxed my mind. They vanished.
I explored further. The surrounding changed... it looked as if I walked on long bridge without any support, and there was absolute darkness around it. The material of the bridge was metallic, shining and black. The walkway was covered by firm metal grating made of wire... There were side cuts branching from the infinite bridge... but I was unable to take a turn and try to go sidewise. Even when I turned to one of side cuts, I still somehow walked on the main bridge. I continued to walk for some time... till I lost consciousness.

I was very tired when I went to sleep today, still, I made the OBE in about 15 minutes after I laid to bed.
There was darkness, but I saw my surroundings. Nothing was out of normal. I was feeling tired even in OBE, still I held my consciousness concentrated on searching of something new. I didn't find anything out of ordinary anywhere I went. I drifted slowly through air... After few tens of minutes I decided to return to my body and go to sleep. Only... My body didn't hold me inside... I kept drifting out of it. I was unable to connect to it. I tried to reconnect to body approximately three times. I found it interesting... there was no fear, I was just feeling mentally tired. So I let it be and loosened the concentration on existence there... this caused slip into unconsciousness after a few minutes. I have woken up morning as usually, inside of body.

I had a bit problems to get away from my body, I guess, my concentration wasn't great today. But after a few tries I managed.
Once I stood in dark bedroom, I have heard strange buzzing sound... So I followed it to the source. I got to bedroom of my older daughters... And over the second oldest sleeping body I saw something like black filaments, about 5cm wide, and moving a bit. The strange loud buzzing was emanating from them. I put my hands on them and pulled them with a bit difficulty away. The buzzing sound got louder at first and then it ceased... And filaments dissipated and I found myself back in my body.
Immediately I went out of body again and walked back to my daughter bed. There were no filaments anymore. I put my hands on and then into my daughter body, trying to pull her out of body, but I didn't manage that.
So, i went out of house through closed balcony doors(I wasn't able to open those doors, as usually..) I had fallen down from first floor height and walked without thinking about that concentrated on here and now...

I left my body and immediately took a flight through window into night, to visit my soulmate. After about 2 kilometers of following the road about 20 meters above ground I got lost. The road took unexpected turn and went into a forest and up to very, but very tall hill. Obviously I didn't want to go there so I flew back till I reached the known place... and took direction to my soulmate again. And again the road took unexpected turn and I was again flying up the tall hill. It is not first time I ended there... in fact It had become regular problem in past two years... After a few retraces of my flight I got into point where I was unable to return to known place.
So I forcibly returned into my body. And restarted OBE. And took a flight to my soulmate again. To no avail... I again and again lost myself and was flying up the very tall unknown hill. After a few retraces of my flight I was again forced to return to my body and to leave it again to reset the surrounding.
I was flying again. This time I tried to apply the visualisation of my memories carefully... I pictured the road... I pictured the goal(there is characteristic rocky hill close to place where she lives)... I even saw it in that OBE. And I got again lost to that unknown hill place. I repeatedly tried to fly there, then to walk there... It was persistent. The surrounding changed in between the steps. It was frustrating. Yet I kept to repeat the attempt to get to her home. It took about 3 subjective hours till I was so tired that I lost consciousness and fell asleep.

Remarks
This had became an obsession for a few months now to me. Due to impossibility to reach that place I feel driven to find the way to that place.
That unknown place is very familiar to me in the astral. I get lost to that place often.

I have stood out of my body and started to walk through my dark house. It was empty. I went to balcony, directly through the closed doors. There I levitated up on the railing. And then I jumped to fly away- I started to fall and somehow I returned back to the balcony. Standing on the railing I concentrated and jumped again. And I flew through the night. Everything was dark, yet I saw everything clearly. I was looking for somebody, anybody- to no avail the village was completely empty. I was walking from house to house disregarding walls. Nobody there. I decided to look for my friend, but got somehow lost in surrounding I didn't (and don't) recognize. A few times I felt to be sucked back to my body but I resisted that force. I didn't want to return so soon. I was walking through nature for subjective hours till I lost consciousness and asleep.

Remarks-
It was quite dull OBE, yet I like it even so, therefore I tried to stay there.
I'm getting lost into unknown environment quite often.
I need to train concentration much more.

After some time of mindlessness (concentration on nothing) my consciousness started to expand... I felt buzzing sound in my head. And my consciousness slowly shifted out of body. And I walked. It was pitch black place... I felt myself to move but I had no reference points to tell that I'm really moving.
I came into light room. A few young women were chatting on one side of the room. I thought that I will come to them to hear what they're talking, but I was unable to steer to them. I was unable to stop walking. I had not enough will to do that. I walked straight to the wall and through it.
I was in darkness again. I heard mumbling, talking.... In that darkness... So I was trying to go toward the sound. the sound was going louder, louder, louder .. fainter. So I reoriented myself and again tried to walk toward the sound again.
After a few tries I got to lighted room with a few non moving women and men. I was walking straight again... Into wall. And I got stuck with head inside the wall. I thought that it was interesting and that to unstuck myself I have to walk backward... So I rotated my body and reversed into wall and through it without problem.
I was again in darkness. I wanted to meet someone interesting. Even scary ghost would be interesting. I thought that being in darkness and thinking on such topics would materialize something. Then I heard some deep rumbling. Ach something is coming, I thought. And I cleared my mind. Nothing came... I waited for some time
Then I walked again. I got again into lighted room. It was empty. I walked to window and through it. The glass was trailing as if it was transparent membrane. It didn't allow me to come through. Then it burst into bubbles and I was outside, in the nature.
There was nothing but meadow behind me. It was night, lighted by big Moon. A diffuse ghost like figure made of tiny light particles was walking by my side. She looked like my soulmate. Then she dispersed. Then she condensed in front of me... And again dispersed. And I was walking forward tirelessly.

Remarks:
I was listening yesterday this music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q02vovRNwFQ I heard parts of it through this experience.

Rob Dougan- Nothing at all
I want to be still
I want to walk into your grave
where I can shelter in peace
until all our cares have blown away

let the whole world fall away
and fall into my arms
stay with me
I don't know how long we've got left
and so I'm asking you
to forgive me

I learn as I go
to float far away
into silence
and just watch your face
and find some kind of grace
in that quiet bliss

can I stay and say nothing at all, at all

where will we go when we get old
when the bustle and the noise
get too frightning
when each and every angry word
is banished to the past
that when I think

we'll learn as we go
to float far away
into silence
and I'll watch your face
and read of patience and grace
in each line there

work each day
all for nothing at all, at all
and the few words I say
they mean nothing at all at all

will you walk into the grave with me
will you leave this empty world
soft and wistfull
to sink into the dark, dark earth
and never reappear would be blissful

to float far away
into eternal space
and God's silence
where I'll watch your face
and find patience and grace
in each line there

drift away into nothing at all at all
find the grace to be nothing at all at all
fade away and end up nothing at all
at all at all at all

After my relaxation and concentration training routine I fell into thoughtless state where only my consciousness remained. And I observed my mind. And I observed my body because I still felt it a little. I slowed my frequency of breathing further and further lengthening the time when I was exhaled... After some time I felt my consciousness to clear even more, to become light and bright... And I still only observed everything, I didn't try to separate from body.

I maintained this state for immeasurable long time exploring the feeling of that state. My consciousness felt very fresh despite I felt very tired when I went to "sleep" at 00:30. And then, something strange happened, something which never happened to me: I felt as if my consciousness sublimed from my body and I stopped to feel the body. It wasn't like normal leaving the body, it was as if I left the body like some kind of vapor. I didn't loose consciousness as I became vapor like....

And when it became whole again I had spherical field of vision... I was in space lighted inhomogeneously by weak violet light. There were points of light like stars... around quite a few of them there were rings made of violet ribbons. There were also ribbons connecting space between the stars with similar width as those ring like ribbons. As I observed those ribbons I became aware that it is not all what I can see. My vision cleared more... the space contained dull dust clouds which was forming those light inhomogeneities I saw in space at start... and those ribbons had shiny sides and dull center. In dull centers of ribbons something like runes shined... On each corner or crossing of the light line which formed rune there was point of bright light shining... And those runes moved, flowed inside confine of ribbons, sometimes mutating into something new... and I observed this for some time...

And then I was back in my body, feeling that I'm breathing in- that was probably what distracted my vision... I didn't manage to get back and after some time I lost consciousness and I fell asleep.

Remarks:
This experience was somewhat similar to projection into budhic dimension. The difference was that the space didn't feel to be overflowed by love. This space was completely neutral, careless, and very serene.

I am outside somewhere. It seems dim or dark. It’s almost like I am watching this scene, as opposed to in it. There is a horse, and the horse is pulling a cart or something. There’s someone on the cart, directly behind the horse. I now watch as the horse begins to give birth. Once the foal is birthed, the scene (and me too?) rises into the night sky. Something slowly changes into an image of a rabbit/rabbits. (*this scene is oddly psychedelic and definitely inspired by the little bit of Watership I watched last night). Now I am laying in bed or asleep. There are OBE sensations for a while, until I open my eyes. There is something slightly different, either the scene or my perception. I know that this is an OBE or a dream state. I walk out of the room and into the dark kitchen, where I see on the oven that it is 1am. I then make my way to the front door and open it. It is night, but with the illumination that comes with heavy snowfall. There are a few inches on the ground (*just like in real life) and it is still coming down. I walk out on the dry strip under the roof’s protrusion. I have the notion to rise up into the air, but when I try I cannot. Now, I think I wake up in bed.

When I removed myself from my body I found that I'm at my parents house. It was night. My spiritual body was black... I concentrated on my arms... It was beautiful in its own way. Very detailed. On surface it was refracting the light like on tiny diamonds here and there. And after longer observation I saw dark violet aura surrounding me.
First thing I did was calling for my soulmate in the case she is close. Astral zombie of my brother woke up at that point and told me disapprovingly that I should stop to try contact and meet her. He said something like she doesn't deserve my help. And then went back into astral zombie state. Outside of parent house, the snow was falling slowly. I knew that it is summer in reality but I had no capacity to be surprised. So I took flight to her home. As usually I got lost but I managed to retrace my travel and make it back to known surrounding. I repeated this 3 times after I got lost again and again. Pity, I didn't manage to reach her house as last time the redirection was at the same place as return point and I wasn't able to go any closer.
So I turned my eyes on sky. I tried to find the moon, but it wasn't on sky anymore. Therefore, I looked on stars... And I decided to fly to the stars instead. It took some concentration to make it happen and I started to magnify (and fly) to particular shining star. But the star vanished- did I overfly it? I looked behind. I was in space surrounded by myriads of stars, submerged in bluish and reddish nebulae. For a few minutes I tried to find course which I should take. Accelerating randomly in a random vectors to random parts of space. Or at least I thought that I'm accelerating. But my surrounding wasn't changing visibly.
So I stopped and concentrated on stars instead. After short time some stars started to shone more strongly appearing larger than shining dust particles. I took flight to them. And I overshot greatly... when I stopped the flight I was far in the intergalactic space. I didn't even know which direction was milky way. All the galaxies... and not one looked familiar- not that I have memorized shapes and coordinates of galaxies... or stars for that case. So I stopped. And stayed there.


Remarks
- I think I have subconscious block to contact my soulmate- I had discussion with a few people about shared experiences and they think that something like meeting, or waking someone in LD or OBE isn't moral thing to do. That I'm interfering with peoples privacy LOL. Funny opinion, still maybe it lingers now in my subconsciousness since I thought about it for some time.
-I looked in the table now- The moon was setting down at 23:15 and I traveled at about 1:30 at night. Still this isn't good enough proof of reality Maybe I knew that subconsciously, because at around 21:00 the moon was at approximately SWW position.

I went out of body a few times only to be returned back after a few minutes. But at last I managed to stabilize the existence out of body and I went out of my home by shortest possible way, through the roof. Outside, it was pitch black environment. I made myself to discern the surrounding, even if I didn't see anything. And I flew. I wanted to try shared OBE again. I flew, pulled in direction to my soulmate as fast as possible.
The surrounding changed and it stopped to be pitch black... I was in big hall with multitude of doors... to other lives. And I felt I have lost the feeling of pull. So, I started to call for my soulmate. To no avail. I saw a few older looking human like beings so I came to them. I asked them whether they could show me a way to right doors. One about 60 ears old woman with blonde hair told me: Follow me, and she started to run fast. I was able to follow, only just so. After a minutes of run she disappeared through one doors and I dived through those closed doors right after her.
I found myself in blackness. I don't know how long I was hovering there, the time had no meaning for me and I didn't care.
Next thing I remember, I was very young girl. I had slender figure, about 1.5 m tall and black hair. And I was with a boy. The experience started to feel more like lucid dream. I remembered all from this life, then from that OBE and search for my soulmate. And I touched the boy and I was sure we are meant to be together. He was my soulmate and I would never leave him. It was strange to be in girl body. What is normal for a man to feel, the emotions, weren't present. I felt serene. In that LD like experience I knew that my children from this life were alive and well. And I told that boy while snuggling to him about this life and my struggling for something... more... and that I understand things better.

remarks
- Maybe the feeling was there because of state of mind I was in. I stabilize those experiences subconsciously by being concentrated, to be here and now and as much unattached as possible.

I arose out from my body in my bedroom as usually. It was dark as usually when I travel at night, but I adjusted that and I saw everything in soft gray light. First I had to do my task with my daughter- she asked me to try to wake her or pull her out of her body- I tried but I failed. Seeing that it doesn't lead to anything, I went out of my house... and I got totally lost. It looked as if I was dropped in some kind of dungeon with dangerous looking animal like more or less humanoid beings. I raised up my aura and as tired as I felt, I even became intangible(ghost like) to them. I went through this dungeon to nicer surrounding, then to some city.
In this city I went to big building in which there was maze of corridors and stairs, but only a few rooms. I walked inside of this building for hours(subjective). I got to highest possible point and there was room where very shabby looking man slept... the room was stinking, it was full of rubbish. I accidentally switched the light and I heard murmur of that man as if he was disturbed from the sleep... I decided that it will be better to leave. After longer time I found my way out. I was in some kind of village where people lived in very small houses. Even roads were narrow. When I looked behind, the big building was no longer there. And I walked again. I felt tired, very, very tired of everything, of existence. I felt, that it would be nice to get back to my body and sleep. I probably overdid concentration on "here and now" because I was somehow unable to lose consciousness... I was staying conscious on inertia. If I wasn't so tired I would be very glad of that. It was morning, maybe alarm clocks will wake me up.
I stopped to walk and started to meditate, to clear my mind more. And my surrounding abruptly changed. I was standing back in my bedroom. The very air was shiny, sparkling... it looked and felt like I went from astral dimension to mental dimension. I wasn't feeling so tired anymore. In my bedroom, I didn't see my wife sleeping there... But in mental dimension I didn't find anybody after more than 30 years of experimenting yet. I looked on my physical body and decided to go back- I went inside of it and woke it.

Remarks
Today I was going to sleep very tired and at that I tried to do OBE... Well it showed.
When I looked on clocks I found it was only 00:30... I was out of my body for only about 20 minutes. Felt like 7-8 hours for me.

I laid down and relaxed... my body was heavy in short time, and I stopped to breathe... I can stay that way for up to about 5 minutes when I'm that relaxed. The separation is faster that way- breathing can disturb me in time of separation sometimes. I felt touch on my legs, like hands and they went up my legs. I opened astral eyes and I saw exceptionally beautiful young woman with brown hair and brown eyes coming up to my body... She was naked, slim, with firm breasts of about B-cup with small nipples, slim waist... She was coming on all four limbs up, until her eyes were in front of mine. She held me down with her hands on my arms and I couldn't separate out of body. I felt no arousal and looking into her eyes, I had a feeling of falling toward her eyes... Then I needed to take a breath and since I wasn't separated, I found myself back in physical world.

Remarks:
I would say it was OBE to astral projection, but I managed to open my eyes only.
I got aroused once I was back in physical but in that state it was asexual for me.

I had no interesting OBE or dream for longer time.
Yesterday I went out of body only to be immediately stabbed be someone without any warning... some woman like being materialized in front of me suddenly, as I was rising from body- I found that curious. I didn't try to defend myself. Then she stabbed me repeatedly again and again... and after short time that woman like being evaporated away. When I looked on myself to see the wounds, it looked like there is a sword running inside of my body where spine is located up to my head(handle was over my head). I pulled that sword out from up of my head... it had sparkling gems of different colors in the blade... Then i was pulled back to body because my daughter stirred in sleep.
I went out about 6 times more, but all I was doing was only walking and observing, nothing interesting happened there. I have met my older daughters but they don't remember meeting when I asked this morning.