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6.2.2023

Conference Lucid, and some progress with the blackout

I don’t know if all of the following was the same dream, but it seems to make sense to arrange it as such and in the following order:

There is a girl that someone wants to meet again. He walks through a train, looking for her. He finds her on the last car of a train. A piano player is there too. The last car seems to be where poor people sit. He looks at the girl, sitting in the corner. She kind of smiles and shakes her head at him (or something). He’s not sure what she means by this...

Somewhere – in a hotel maybe. There is a conference going on that I’m supposed to be at. I calculate in my mind what time I need to leave to be there on time, and decide that I would need to leave by 10:00. I look at the clock to see how long I have, and it looks like it is just about 10:00 now. I rush out, I think to catch a train...

...I’m a bit fuzzy about whether the conference starts in an hour at 11:00 or in a couple of hours. I could walk back to the conference center, but there is also a train that I could take. I discuss the merits of each with someone (my mother?). This has to do with dining, it seems. There is a restaurant along the way if I walk. Mom and I in store dream here? I decide to take the train. I arrive at the conference center, several hours early it turns out. I wonder to myself what I’m going to do for the next couple of hours. I go into a restroom. It’s fairly nice, but it’s one of those dream restrooms where there isn’t much privacy. No doors on stalls, etc. Also, there are one or two women in there. I chuckle to myself over this, because it’s like one of my dream restrooms. Then I decide to do a reality check, and become lucid. I think the dream starts to fade...

...At some point I seem to be in this conference center (I think, though I’m not sure). I go walking down a walkway, where girls seem to be hanging out. It’s a nice place to meet girls, but I don’t think I’m really there to do that. I turn around and head back the way I came. There is a set of double doors to my left that have the name of some superhero on them (Spider Man, Iron Man, The Hulk, or someone)...

...Still at the conference center, not lucid. Walking around, I notice how unfamiliar and almost “dream-like” things seem. I decide to do a nose pinch RC, and find that I can still breathe. Becoming convinced that this is a dream, I inhale deeply with my nose still pinched. I can see a lady from my church nearby. I become lucid. For some reason, I start reciting poetry – Eldorado, by Edgar Allen Poe. This might be a means of stabilizing the dream, or maybe just something I find to be fun at the moment. I might get up onto a table and pace around while talking. The dream begins to fade, but I have been starting to suspect that this tendency to “wake up” soon after becoming lucid might be false awakenings caused by expecting to wake up, so I hang on. The imagery comes back! I think about the competition, and try to remember what I’m supposed to do. Flying was one thing, so I try to levitate. It’s a bit difficult, but I manage to float up a few feet. I get stuck at the ceiling, having trouble breaking through. I float around a bit before losing the dream, or else I don’t remember what happened after this.

...Coming back from somewhere. The conference above? I’m sitting in a vehicle, and I see what appears to be the guy driving now standing outside the car talking to someone else. As he’s talking, he starts singing a song (I think it’s the song “Tell me Why”). There are two homeless people standing there, and they sing along. We continue on our drive, and talk about how talented those people were and how the talent should be appreciated. Then we try to drive up a steep set of wooden stairs. They’re a bit rickety. We get stuck, and need to get out to push. I need to put on my shoes first though. I get out, and sit in the car and/or lean against the car to put them on. Someone gets out from the front seat, and has to put on his shoes as well.


Girl Moves In, and the Toaster Oven

Cooking something in a toaster oven. It’s a rolled up thing of some kind. There are two toaster ovens to choose from – a high powered one and a lower powered on. I decide to use the lower powered one. One of the girls from the apartment next to me has moved into my apartment, and I think since someone else is living in the apartment I should put the smoke detector back on the wall where it was (I had put it in a drawer in the bathroom, because it kept going off when I was cooking). I bring smoke detector back out, but then I see that the thing in the toaster oven is putting off smoke. I think I end up putting the smoke detector on the couch and cover it with a sheet, hoping it won’t go off...Someone shows up and talks about mowing that needs to be done “in Germany”. I offer to do it, and they agree. “Germany” seems to just be a neighborhood in town.

"Pruners" and the Snakes

People from the Cru campus ministry. R- is one of them. I had put up signs a while back (in the dream) advertising that I was interested in a ministry called “Plums”, or “Prunes”, or something like that. R- is interested in this, and it turns out that – unbeknownst to me – “Prunes” had to do with acting (I’m not an actor). She is excited to think that I am a “Pruner”, or “Plumer” or some title related to the word. We go up some stairs, I think. There is a snake involved in some way...This might flow into the following:...Some people are in a shooting game, or movie perhaps. They might be soldiers. The are in a dry, dusty place, going around a large hill on a road. They notice something moving a little ways off, and it turns out that there are very large snakes threatening them in some way. They shoot at the snakes...

Singing Game

My Mom and brother are talking and playing a game. I feel like my brother isn’t paying attention when I talk, and just talks over me. This annoys me, but I also feel that it would be wrong of me to just keep on talking and try to drown him out (this occasionally happens in dreams, and I get angry, but this time I make the conscious effort to show Christ-like humility). I also feel left out of the game. I join in the game anyway – it involves picking up tiles along with singing - I sing “It’s a Grand Old Flag”, or something, picking up tiles with pictures of flags and such as I come to the words in the song. One of the words has to do with the word “heart” (maybe it was the “emblem of the land I love” part) and I look for a heart tile. This is a little challenging, and I keep seeing red shapes that sort of look like hearts but might not be.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my gate. I see a goat running on the hill in front and then a horse behind my parking lot. I also notice the gate is not well closed, so I close it tight. My dogs are jumping around me excited. Then I check the fence and find a couple spots where the fence is lose as if someone damaged it on purpose. I scramble to fix it before my dogs see it, but they go through a hole they find. First Soraia, but I yell at her and she promptly comes back. Then Maya and Tara also escape. I manage to call back Maya, but Tara encounters a black dog about her size, they become friends and she ignores me. They roll on their backs on the ground, clearly getting along. I then notice the road ahead is loaded with huge snakes coming their way. I call Riverstone for help and he goes outside the gates to get the dog but I warn him about the snakes.
Then the dream fades and I almost wake up but hold on to it and then I am at some kind of small room, laying on a bed, belly down. I know I am dreaming so I plunge my hand into the foam mattress as a reality check and grab some foam as if is it cotton candy and eat it. I expected some crazy flavor, but it actually tastes just like foam. I then get up and go through the wall. End up in someone elses apartment and then go from room to room not knowing what to do. I briefly panic when I realize I don't know the way back to my room. Then I recall again that it's just a dream and there is no point in going back to "my" room. I go out to a balcony. Below the balcony on the street I see many kids and adults looking festive. I plan to jump through the pavement below and see where it takes me. I jump flat on my belly but as I approach the ground I see it is covered in animal poop, so I stop an inch from it and just levitate there for a second. Everyone looks at me. I lay my feet on the ground and stand. Immediately see a group of people on horse back coming towards me in two lines side by side. They don't stop for me, so I quickly lift off again not to be trampled upon. As I watch from above I think it may be some parade, but then notice the outfits and lots of famous Hollywood actors walking around and conclude that it must be a movie set.
I want to focus on something productive and stop just moving around, so I sit cross legged on top of a wall to try to meditate. I invoke my guru and ask for his guidance and teachings. Immediately I get attacked by some guy out of nowhere, jumping and trying to reach me to harm me, his face full of anger, as if he is possessed. I kinda expected that, but still it is annoying every time it happens. I transport myself to a room full of plushies, hoping it will be peaceful to meditate in there. I try again and invoke my guru, but the plushies start flying and hiting me. I deflect them with energy from my hands, but att some point they come alive and gain shark teeth and bite me. I try to ignore the pain and carry on, aware that it is still all just a dream, but I almost wake up.
I then find myself in what appears to be an island and in front of me there is a strange asian looking tower. I get this feeling that I will find my guru there, but when I reach the front door, it is controlled by thugs and they won't let anyone in that is not vetted by them. I plan on just flying up but then I notice there is some sort of elevator on the side, the kind of those for window cleaners and is starting to go up so I hold on to a side and just go up hanging from it. It takes me all the way to the top but then I see no way to access the interior of the building and there is no way to get down from the roof either. It is also inclined and slippery and I almost fall. Again, I wonder what to do next but a sudden water rise out of nowhere covers everything below and it keeps rising until it reaches the roof and leaves me isolated on my own little island. I go around the roof and find a stone path that magically appeared over the water, so I walk it through. It leads me to dry land. I find myself in what looks like some city in Latin America. It's night now, but the streets are flooded with people panicking and running in all directions. On the tv of some eatery, I see a broadcast about some impending catastrophe. I think I also see something big in the night sky but can't tell what it is. I wake up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some victorian house, sort of half asleep and seeing the scenario fade away, but I realize it is actually a dream and that it is the dream itself that is fading. I hold on to it, but the darkness doesn't go away and I know this is when sometimes the monsters come up. And then I see a woman coming over and whenever she crosses a more shadowy area, her face becomes monstruous. I warn a friend that is also sleeping nearby to wake up. She doesn't know what I am talking about and she looks at the woman. The woman says in a hypnotic tone "look into my eyes". I grab my friend and say "don't look, it will kill you". I get in front of the woman and I say assertively "Now, you look into my eyes!" at the side of her face that is not disfigured. She looks puzzled and loses a bit of her power temporarily, so I open some curtains to let light in and I drag my friend to the outside. The woman still tries to reach me, but she can't stand the light. I decide to lift off and that's when I go fully lucid. I don't know what to do, so I decide to just watch the dream. Below me it now looks like some big american city. I also see a huge roller-coaster in the distance. There is some retro vibe to it. I just amuse myself by flying over people and watching their dramas. I feel very melancholic thinking how all these people are just DCs. I sing and dance in the sky above them.

Visiting my mom at her old job at the Union. They are at some warehouse with piles of boxes with files and lots of stickers, calendars and other stuff I used to steal from them and collect as a child. I am mesmerized by all the retro things they have, not fully aware that I am dreaming, but aware I am seeing something gone from the past. I grab a box with some stickers to take with me as mementos. For some reason my dog Hachi appears and all is fine until someone else also comes in with 2 dogs and a baby. I grab Hachi immediately and try to take him somewhere where I can keep him isolated. Unfortunately there is only a small room with no windows and I don't want to lock him there. So when the other dogs follow us and we get cornered there, I close them inside instead and take Hachi away.
We go to my mom's and he roams around the house free. After a while I am looking for him and find him in the balcony injured with a bad open wound in his front right leg. Nearby is a robotic snake I keep as a toy, also severely "hurt". Turns out she can bite and it is a powerful metallic bite. I try getting close to him, but he cowers and hides his leg. I go get hydrogen peroxide and throw copious amounts on his wound. He ends up accepting my treatment and even puts his front legs over mine to thank me, I guess. Then I also want to help the snake but need something to grab it safely. I didn't know she had such a dangerous self defense mechanism.

At my childhood home, alone, and I become lucid. I go into my room, honestly just wanting again to dwell on the melancholic feeling of seeing things from my past. But then I feel crazy horny and feel the urge to remove my pants. I look around for objects I might use creatively, but all I see is a wooden spoon over the bed for no good reason. So I give up on objects. Instead I decide to experiment what it would feel like if my clitoris grew to become a very long penis. Long enough that it reaches my mouth. And then I suck it. I almost wake up with the sensation but I manage to come back to the dream. Then I jump scare when through the balcony door I see 3 Rinpoches sitting outside. They are not looking at me, they are to right side, almost out of sight. I can only see a bit of their faces but I recognize them ckearly. They are facing forward as if listening or watching someone to my left side. I pull my pants up quickly, deeply embarassed, hoping they didn't see that. I get up and walk slowly towards the balcony sliding doors. Then they turn their heads towards me and nod at me wtth a smile. As I approach, I see many more of them and recognize almost all of them. Then some more pass by from my left side and disappear behind the ones sitting. The balcony is no longer a balcony, but some room somewhere else. They all aknowledge my presence, nod and smile, but none says a word. Then I walk forward a few more steps and I see my teacher to my left. He is standing there and he is the one all others were looking at or listening. They hint that I should come in and I do. Rinpoche comes to me and we immediately hug. Then we kiss. It is a shy confused kiss, because I want to kiss him on the lips but I am not sure if it is ok, so I kinda go for the cheek but still touch his lips. He seems surprised but pleased. We continue hugging. Then he kisses me on the lips properly. It feels incredible and totally real. We continue hugging tight and saying how much we missed each other, while I caress his back and head. I can even feel the smooth edges of his robe on his back and do my autistic thing of stimming by feeling the calming texture of the seam.
Then he moves on and we are in some kind of library or classroom and I realize we need to get out because a class or lecture is about to start. Lucidity fades a bit from here. Outside he is with his entourage and they are heading to some place to lunch with, but he specifically says to his attendant that I am to have lunch with the more private group and sit by his side in the upper room. The restaurant is asian, but I can't tell from which country. Rinpoche and the private group disappear upstairs as I am distracted looking at the food they have on display. Then I am not allowed to come up. When finally that is cleared up, I arrive there, but Rinpoche has disappeared again, maybe to go to the bathroom or something, I think. The people there look me sideways and want me to sit me at the "kids" table. I see three empty seats and figure that's where Rinpoche will sit so I say I think I am supposed to sit there to, but they mock me and bully me. Some lady is being incredibly rude and gets into my nerves, so I bang my hand on the table, wanting to punch her, and say "one of these seats is for me, just wait and see". But I feel bad for my ego outburst, so I just go and sit at a bench near the window, at the far end of the table, but where Rinpoche can see me when he returns. Then we hear his voice on loud speakers, interviewing some indian fella and it is about Russia and some allegory with volcanos and people wonder what is this about.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Dreaming I am sleeping at my downstairs bedroom and I wake up and see a snake near the bed. I have a pile of chairs on a corner with more stuff on top and she is coming out of it. I yell and my dad appears and grabs her. I tell him to throw her outside the fence but not hurt her, but as usual he just kills her. Then he complains about the mess in my house and how it creates hiding spaces for snakes. I explain there is no way they can get inside the house that it becomes a problem and that we should focus instead on figuring out how this one got inside. Secretly I wonder if there are more in the house.

Watching the tv show Friends, first season, but in this version they are still high school kids. I then become one of the characters and the school experience is a total nightmare. In the classroom, the teacher doesn't teach, he just hands out written info that we have to read and figure out. Then I go to the bathroom and all the toilets are side by side with no stalls dividing or providing privacy. I have a meldown and head for the exit looking for a quiet place. I encounter a group that runs some secret society in the school. I try to hide from them in a storage room, but I am caught. Yet they are not trying to hurt me, they think I am someome else from their society, so they hand me an outfit I must wear, in black and white polka dots. Some kid drops a wand and a small toy object and I hand it back to him. He then swallows the little toy and chokes. I do CPR and save him. I go around looking for some bathroom, hoping they have a better one, but there is only one toilet and some daly with diarrhea is in there. Then I accidentaly enter a room intended for higher level attendees of the secret society and they basically kill people. I fear for my life.

I was with my mother, visiting my grandfather in a large retirement home. The place was massive and remind me more of a shopping mall than a retirement home. Grandfather couldn't talk. The dead can't speak because they are possessed (or their souls held hostage) by some kind of spirit/demon. This demon revealed itself to us in the form of three snakes that came out of his mouth and attacked us. They were slimy like eels. We fought these snakes and killed them. I recall crushing one under my shoe. The snakes dead, my grandfather became himself again, taking control of his body. We were done, and got ready to leave. My grandfather, disappointed, asked if we were leaving already. I realized that from his perspective, we'd only just arrived, and he was probably lonely in the retirement home. I felt guilty. I told my mom we could afford to stay, and have another coffee.

Fun fact: my mom is also dead. I didn't seem to know this.

I was keeping pet mice again.
I got a mouse but it was frozen, like the kind used for snake food.
I was upset it was dead and brought it back to life. It was a white mouse.
It turned into a pointy faced snake. I was told its name by something outside of myself. The snake's name was "Raize" I remember it being odd, as i have NEVER heard that name before. Whomever told me the snake's name made sure I understood the correct spelling of the name.

When I awoke I googled that name, Its a muslim girls name for "Tears"

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP


I am in a small dark room, white walls, old furniture. There is a table and two chairs and Riverstone is sitting behind the table, against the wall, with his head pending down and acting bizarre. I am lucid and try to figure if he is real or a shady DC. I say something but he is unresponsive. I tell him I know he is not real, so I am going to play with him a little bit. He then reacts, but I still can tell he is not really Riverstone and I actually feel he is becoming threatening to me. So I shrink him to the size of a bug and pick him from the floor. Now he is putting on a fight. I put him on the table and tell him it will be fine, I'll bring him back to normal size, but as I do it, he turns into a black snake and I stop resizing him, because I don't wanna face a giant black snake.
I turn away to the door and just leave. At the next room I see my dog Hachi, but also Bernardo and some other stranger dog. Hachi is happy to see me, but then the other two start fighting in the background and instead of him defending Bernardo, he joins in attacking him. I scream in horror, but then tell myself it is just a nightmare and turn away. I plunge into the wall, I wander through darkness for a while and then come out at another dark room, very much the style of the previous two. I hear noise outside the door and open it. Looks like a cprridor of some vintage looking hostel. Some kid from another room to my left is also peaking out, sleepy. Tells me something as if I am supposed to know what he is talking about. I go to the lobby and from there goes a stairway to a living room in the basement, which is full of youngsters having fun, just like som hostel I stayed in Japan once. I am not interested, so I choose to go out to the street. There is a street market, which reminds me somewhere I have been in Germany. I recognize the memory, love reliving the details. Then hear some guys talking about getting laid and whose lady from the hostel tourists they are going to bang. They spot me and start acting menacing, like they are considering to rape me, so I try to get away from them by climbing a rope that is hanging with clothes from the top of a passageway over the street, and I run up a hill. End up in another strange house, that looks abandoned, almost like a windmill, but it is inhabited by 3 girls. One looks like Natalie Portman. They are nice and invite me in. They are having like a slumber party, all lounging over a bed and sharing chocolates while talking about this and that. They offer me chocolate, I say no and they find strange. So then I go on and on explaining my aversion to choclate since I was little.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I join a gathering of Blacksmith's party at election night. Everybody is sitting at long tables and Blacksmith is sitting in front of me, across the table. He is very busy writing down stuff and exchanging remarks with others, so I don't bother him. But then he intertwines his legs with mine and squeezes them gently, without ever saying a word. I enjoy the snuggling. People announce the results of the elections and he is ahead of other candidates, but he still looks sad. I squeeze his legs back and congratulate him. He gets up so I I also grab a notebook and start scribbling in it. But then he comes back from behind me, leans over me and with a gentle embrace he whispers to my ear that he would like to be alone with me.

I am at what seems Hogwarts, but not quite. I am helping a friend and the groundskeeper to find the Nagini. They found some kind of ancient plumbing system that leads to outside the castle and we are on the outside looking for one opening they think she uses. And indeed we see the snake coming out, but she quickly goes back inside when she sees us. She leaves a couple objects she stole, right in the opening. We want to pick it up but we are afraid she is ambushing us. I finally get my hand very quickly in the hole to retrieve the things and nothing happens.
As we go back, I notice that the school / castle is not isolated in a forest, but instead it's in the middle of a city or campus with several faculties. I see one of our teachers suspiciously coming out of a building which I believe is an auditorium and also part of the arts faculty. I go check the back door from where she came, but I have to pass through some arcade tunnel covered in spiderwebs which is weird because it looks like nobody used it for a long time. I reach the door and it leads to a ramp directly to the backstage of the auditorium which is full of asian kids rehearsing some dance and acrobatics with giant bell balls. When they leave, I hide not to be seen. Then I keep going through dark corridors and find some kind of secret entrance to an underground. Then I hear someone's coming after me and I open the first door I see and hide inside. It is some kind of smokehouse with bloody sausages hanged everywhere or so it seems. The smell is horrible. And the person also enters this room so I duck behind a counter and sneak out when she is not watching. There are more rooms like this, which is beyond weird.
Back outside and meet my friends again. They take me to a cliff by the sea shore and I see dozens of boys and girls on the water, doing some sort of synchronized swimming and making symbols or letters that can be seen from above. It's some show to celebrate something. Then they all just enjoy the water. My friends show me some iron stairs down the cliff that we can use to get closer to the water, but then we have to jump from like 100 mt high. One of them seems to hit a rock when hitting the water and then a giant white shark comes out of the water and seems to eat him. The iron stairs then detach partially from the wall and I can't go up but certainly don't wanna go down. My other friend is also on the water a bit more to the right and I scream to warn him but he also disappears in the water and a second shark comes up. I am really scared and try to find a way to escape. I see some kind of ledge to my left that has some structure I can hold on to if I make the right jump. And then there is another iron stair going up to its left. I manage to do the jumps and get to the other stair which I climb. But instead of going to the top of the cliff it leads to a cave tunnel in the rocks. I see doors, so I assume it's man made. I reach some kind of chamber where I see a bunch of alien like creatures of different species talking about preparing to depart. They see my surprise look and smile and ignore me. I keep going and find an exit leading back to the campus. I marvel at the different castle-like buildings around a square, intricate towers and windows and sculptures in the façades. Then my friends find me and explain me that they were the sharks, because they are animagus or shapeshifters.

22nd November 2020

Dream:

I was sitting at a desk and there was a piece of paper; it was blank or had something recently drawn on it. I wanted to practice doing buildings and started off with a very simple rectangular one. I wasn't being able to keep the lines steady in any direction, which annoyed me.

Then, next to this building, I started drawing another building starting with a sloping roof and then drawing in some windows but then quite soon I was drawing these small cross sections in parts of this building and these sections started draw themselves full of complete scenes of what the rooms were like. I kept drawing cross section bits and adding in small details and finding details adding themselves to the drawing. As I kept my focus on drawing, perceptually, it started to feel like I kept getting closer and closer to the paper.

Very gradually and seamlessly, I entered one of these scenes but I could somehow still see things sort of in cross section, like in a 2.5D platformer game or something.

I remember a few characters, there was an elephant lady on a bed in a room above or adjacent to the main view/focus; she had some lights on but it was otherwise dark in her room and she was sliding the end of her trunk on a grating to a ventilation shaft; this made noise that scared another character in a different room and I think that character became angry out of embarrassment or something.

Later on, some bit where there was a nurse character, whose details I don't remember so well. I knocked her on the head with something massive and she went down (through the floor or over a mezzanine?) and something broke her fall, I think maybe me. I remember telling her "you idiot, this is my dream!". In the dream this was meant as some sort of explanation to the confusion she displayed when she realised she was fine after the hit and the fall. Nearby up some steps on a flat tier was a giant cobra, but in the dream I thought it was an adder, for some reason.

Fragment:

An earlier dream focused on NCIS, but which I don't care enough to make full note of the details. The dream focused on McGee and he was flying a small private jet and then someone is with him passes him a phone, with Gibbs on the line. In the dream it was like in the actual show, in terms of witticisms, humour and timings. McGee was more self-aware as a character than any other and questioned how could it be possible that Ducky and Gibbs were already at the scene in this other country he'd now be landing in at.

---

Notes:

- In the first dream, the whole thing reminded me a bit of the type of crazy and silly drawings in "finding Wally". I went through a few of those books quite often when I was younger. I don't know where those books are or if they were thrown away.

- A lot of detail was missing from my recall but the from the moment the scenes started being filled in as I drew cross sections and windows, there was a huge amount of ornamental detailing to the scenes that made them feel overly complete.

- I haven't seen a snake in my dreams for a while and I don't think I'd ever had an elephant in a dream before (hm, which also has a "snake" on its face?).

- There was some kind of dark and red-ish lighting to the room/area the giant cobra was in.

- The nurse did elicit some type of pre-lucid awareness, especially considering my remark to her confusion.

- I slept quite poorly. My neck and lower teeth were aching as I wrote my notes and afterwards.

I dreamt that after a heavy rain, a lot of water was flowing down the hill, among the streets.
I didnt pay much mind to it, I went to the shop. Then encountered a big fckoff COBRA, but it wasnt any kind of cobra , it was FLYING all over the place. Its morphology was unique:Its lower half was of a light colour , cant tell which, the top, was vibrant red, with the hood stretching all over it's body, acting as a wing to catch wing, while doing this swirly motion mid air , supposedly to maneuver itself. I got really scared, it somehow flew up and charged me , I fell on the ground and covered my face, but nothing happened, it just went away. I ran home like mad while seeing a bunch of these things flying around, told mom, closed windows ,door , I was panicking like mad, then started to see reptillians even, flooding the street , and maybe even lions?
Someone told me that this event will die off once all the water flows down from the mountains... Nobody was worrying that much about it..but I was furious

Dream 1:
I was a sort of groundskeeper for a Boy Scout camp in the woods. It was the last day, and everyone was ready to go home
after a week of camping. I was replacing some paper towels in a bathroom dispenser (the kind where it has the lever you
pull down to dispense the towels) in one of the bathrooms, when I noticed a noise coming to my left side. A giant python
(dream self knew it was someone's pet) had made its way into the bathroom and was coming right at me. Before I could
react, it bit my left arm and was starting to wrap around it. I managed to get it off before it could wrap too tightly, and
I pulled its head off of my arm with my other hand. So there I was, holding this all-black python by its head, bleeding in the
bathroom.
Somehow I ended up making it home while holding onto the snake. I remember a distinct feeling of soreness in my fingers
from clamping down on it's head to stop it from biting me again. It also made no more attempts to constrict me, as its
body just dragged behind the head wherever I took it. I tried many times to kill the snake. One attempt I made, I tried to
twist its neck and snap its head off. I felt and heard the bones crushing, but it didn't die. I also didn't have a free hand to do it
any meaningful harm. I went downstairs and asked my mother for help. We took it into the backyard and I held it taught
as she sawed off its head with my pocketknife. It was such a relief to finally be able to let go of the snake after holding
so tightly onto it for so long.

Dream 2:
I was in the backyard of a very nice house in some tropical / Hollywood-type neighborhood, on the side of a hill.
Other houses stretched far below to a body of water. The person who's house it was wasn't around, as it seems me and my
girlfriend were house sitting and watching their dogs. There were at least seven different dogs there, one of whom was the
leader of their pack. As me and my girlfriend were sitting in the backyard watching them run around and play, one of the
smaller dogs did something it wasn't supposed to. It knew this because we saw it tuck its tail in and run away from the
others. The leader saw this happen and it could not go unpunished. The smaller dog jumped into the pool in the back-
yard and sank to the bottom in an attempt to hide, but it was no use. The leader dog grabbed a double kayak paddle in
its mouth, swam to the bottom, and began to hit the other dog on the side, while they were both at the bottom of the pool.
After it was done with the punishment, it swam back up to the surface and got out of the pool, while the other dog lay there
motionless. We thought it was dead, until a few bubbles emerged from its mouth and floated to the surface. It was a relief to
know it wasn't dead.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Going through an office, like a school or library administration, until someone detects I am not a worker there. But I am trying to go across and find the exit or a passage or access to some place and I say I am just leaving. (This is a recurrent dream).

Then with mom at what seems like a museum and we are caught in the middle of people marching or parading. I see a giant snake gliding on the floor between them. For some reason we start following them while singing along Bohemian Rhapsody. Then we continue our path on the street. It's already dark and we need to be careful as by the side of the road, there are lots of potholes with lava. I see someone falling into one but doesn't die. Instead, he gets his legs covered in lava as if it is jam or something sticky.

Surprised to find that my house has a basement and lots of storage space and my dad saying "I told you, you would forget about all the rooms you have in such a big house". Except that no, it is not my house but a house I visited when looking for a place to buy. We had loved this house but the price was so high we didn't even argue with the salesperson, we just left. Also, the house is in the city, why did we even check it out? As we leave, I notice my mom looks much younger and thinner, must be about my current age.

Then I visit my uncles in Amadora, at their first house that I can only remember in dreams, but it looks different. The streets are modernized. They used to be just empty land and now there is a brick pavement all around with nice parking lots. It's like I am accessing memories and rearranging and changing them.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I think I am inside a computer simulation. And I am testing my control of it. When I move everyone moves, when I stop everyone stops. I am driving through streets, looking for different paths to see if they exist and are detailed enough or if it is a simulation, will I find dead ends? Don't realize I am simply dreaming.

Then find this place has really poor people. I find a charity shop and check what they have and don't have. My cell phone falls in the middle of a bunch of bags on display. I go through them to pick it up and I find one bag on sale that has a pocket full of money. I discreetly zip it and take it with me. Some guy enters the shop and points a gun at me. He asks for the money. I say the bag has no money. He doesn't buy it and asks me to show it. I don't, I am not afraid. I actually move forward to fight him, but he transforms into a pregnant lady and I can't do it. I just remove her weapon an ask for her story regarding the money. I would take it, but if it belongs to someone who really needs it, I just won't.

Some Russian spy story that me and a friend get caught on. We trap a guy somewhere, but he can become invisible and he does it before our eyes. He tries to escape but I still catch him when he finds an exit near me and I spot him. I try to negotiate with him. He has some box, but I tell him he can keep it, I just want him to share some info and where we can find some other guys we're interested in catching. First he doesn't cooperate, but ends up sharing some info cause he sympathizes with us.
Well, it has to do with some dangerous animals like a cytotoxic spider he hands me over (from the box?). I start studying it. Later I am carrying it and also a miniature jiboia (boa) to Japan and I meet a fellow biologist on some public space. I tell her about the animals and that I am researching this on my own. Meanwhile the spider gets out of the box and I spot it near her feet and grab it before it stings her. She tells me very upset to just be careful.
Later, I am with Tânia and some guys, eating at some courtyard surrounded by typical Japanese buildings, with restaurants on the ground floor and some galleries on the 1st floor. I am admiring the beautiful garden that I spot through some opening between buildings and i spot Rinpoche on one balcony looking down at me with tenderness. I look at him twice to be sure it's him and I warn Tània, but she doesn't see him and when I look again he is gone. She says I am delirious. I go release the jiboia in the garden, it is not dangerous as the spider and for some reason I want to set if free. The bag where I have it has a little hole in it and the snake gets out partially and bites me. I release her near a small pond. Then I turn to talk to Tânia and she has my face, my body and my outfit. I see this clearly for some seconds, maybe half a minute, before she turns back to herself. I tell her what I just saw and she insists I am hallucinating. We wonder if it was something I ate or the snake bite. But the snake doesn't explain me seeing Rinpoche before, so I think he was real.

We go back to the tables where we had been eating before. One of the guys that are with us seems to be very into me. He looks like one of my first loves, Jaime, but I know it is not him, I can tell. He sits by my side and he gets too comfortable with me, but I feel disgust and push him away. Don't remember why, but he reveals he is a vampire and says the underworld needs me somehow and he was just trying to seduce me to take me along so I can help. Out of compassion I decide to accept his invitation and I go with some other guy down a large shaft that leads to the underworld. It's like a very large well. We go down through some lift and we land on a surface where the sun still shines and there is a spiral ramp descending to darkness, where the vampires live. They can face the sun, as this guy obviously did, but they have no supernatural strength in the light. So I stay in the light waiting to know what they want from me and how I can assist, but he insists I should come in and see for myself. But I don't trust him, something feels shady. But they drug me or hit me, because soon after I am feeling drowsy and lying down on the floor with my neck exposed and he is about to bit me. I put my hand in his jaw, he almost bits my hand, but I fight back and escape. He had just dragged me to partial shade but not yet full darkness. I run to the sun again, he says he needs me by his side as his vampire queen. I do feel a bit flattered by it, but I say I can't. I can't be a vampire and kill people, because I would break my Bodhisattva vows. I have to stay on the light. He thinks he has me, because I am trapped in the shaft and the sun is setting and I only have a little stripe of light protecting me, so he tries to grab me again but I just fly up. From the walls of the shaft appear lots of vampires and as the darkness starts taking over the shaft walls, they fly after me and try to grab me. I escape, but the guy that went with me is nowhere to be found. When I arrive at the top, my friends are eagerly waiting for me. Even Riverstone is there. We all get away from there as soon as possible while there is still light.
Then I feel something warm and moving in my pocket and I find a box with some of my strange creatures. Some eggs I had on water inside the box have hatched and some aquatic green geometric creatures have come out. I look for a lake to drop them, but I can't find one, so I head to the river with my friends. There is a parade and fireworks going on on the streets. We just try to cut across and end up taking a lift with a parade car.

12-13

Dream: In a forest with F and D. I'm laying treats along the right-side path for D to follow and go through. For some reason, it's a competition where I have to lead D through his path and then do my own path as well. Once I finish D's path with him (he isn't great at it) I go to a small dock/pavillion/gazebo where I guess I have to cross to get to my path. There are all of these fuzzy caterpillars arranged like spiders crawling over the area I have to duck under/back through to get to my path. I'm really grossed out but eventually forced to touch them and find out they're not the stinging kind (maybe F shows me?). I back through and wake up.

Dream: I'm in 9 with F's grandma (G) and little cousin (L), we're planning a party for L and I bought her a paintbrush. G is asking me to host a party or something in this room and I said fine and she said everyone else will have to pay $50 which is a great honor but I don't have to pay it. There's a big crooked cardboard pink box with a weird shape protruding from the top, which I assume is G's present for L sitting out in the open, unwrapped. L keeps asking what the logo for Walmart is, and I don't want to tell her because in the top-right corner of the box it's there, and I guess I don't want her to know her present came from walmart? Doesn't make a lot of sense because the other side says "Shipped from Walmart" in clear black Impact font letters, just upside down (maybe she can't read upside down).
Dream transition to the kitchen area and I notice a roach or two on the mantle. Then I realize they're everywhere. It was dark before but now it's morning. I try to find some shoes to kill them with and when I look down I realize there are roaches and beetles everywhere, on the floor, couch, etc. I ask my dad for his shoes as I back towards the garage door. He says I'll be fine, they can't hurt you. The smaller beetles are approaching me now, one of them the size of an adolescent turtle has a white spot where his shell by his face peeled off. There are now beetles the size of those old exercise platforms that you step on and step off from. They have two pincers and a protruding element. Each time I look away and look back, it looks more metal/mechanical. My dad is putting his foot and ankle in between the pincers and the protruding part and showing me that "they don't hurt you" but really he's just moving his ankle out of the way at the last second.

Dream: In 9 LR again at night, room is mostly empty and I'm working onn the floor with F on some christmas dioramas on construction paper platforms. I can't remember now what the first few were of, but after doing a few she's mad at me. I get up and get some wooden train tracks (the traditional kind that fit together) and a wooden train (which looks pretty beat up). Two of the four tracks are painted, one red, one blue. I offer to paint the other ones and she gets angrier. I close the drapes on the sliding glass door but she wants them open, and she opens them back up, although they part from the middle when she does it whereas in real life they all pull from one side. D is looking out the window. She's still very mad at me when I bring her some red corrugated construction paper for the last diorama.

Fragment: Hospital w/ F?
Fragment: 9 backyard? Serious w/ family?

Had a few near-WILD experiences during this period despite doing no daywork and no MILD, only did SSILD after the WBTB briefly. I did take a vitamin B12 before bed (around 10 but didn't fall asleep till 11). WBTB (where I actually got up and walked around) 5:30 till 6:30, woke for good at 7:35.

Lucid #73: I'm in a huge mall or college bookstore area, yellow light. The dream part went on for a while but at a certain point I round a corner and see F. She's wearing something low-cut and holding a book. I notice some freckles that aren't accurate and become lucid! The first thing I said, for some reason, was "this is our dream!" I don't remember why I did this, but it seemed to empower her as a DC to be happier/less distressed; maybe it was just my own perception of her informing this. In any case, we talk for a while, but because I kept diving in this lucid chain instead of writing these down in between, I don't remember now about what. Eventually I led her outside to a campus student union/cafeteria area. I picked her up in my arms and I told her I was taking her to my incubated dream world (I called it something weird which I wish I remembered now). I spun for maybe 10-20 seconds but it didn't help much except to stabilize a bit. I ended up just looking at her for a while, and she was just smiling so big. Probably the single most wholesomely gratifying LD experience so far.

Lucid #74: I'm in a small cramped room, blue light. I'm with F again, leading her by the hand. We pass through another room with clutter and junk all around and I see a medusa-like woman who's covered in snakes, all green-black. She starts to chase us but I become lucid and send her away from us, not via force push or anything, but just by will. She is moved (not pushed) back against the wall, and I will her to phase through/into the wall (I figured if I can do it, so can DCs). She does, and it looks super wobbly and cool. But now all of the sudden I can hear a heartbeat sound coming from the walls. I don't worry about it and remind myself that I'm in control. I take F upstairs and we sit on a strange chair in an 8-like living room. We talk again for a bit, more serious this time than joyous. I ask her what I should get her for christmas. She says the earrings I got her were good but I should "double down"? We talk about a few other things which I've forgotten now, and for some reason when we're talking she keeps switching sides and talking at my back; it's sort of like we're in back-to-back seats in a round booth, and I keep turning one way and she'll turn the other. The heartbeat is mostly faded but I woke anyway.

Lucid #75: This one was a DEILD. I "came to" standing over a bed in a dark attic room. There was another snakelike monster in the bed, this time smaller like a large-dog-sized roly poly I guess. Since I was instantly lucid I had no fear and came at the thing face first to watch it shrink away. It shrunk in size and kept backing up and I put my hand on it and transformed it into D, but a smaller version. Then I told D to follow me (he was grey in this version since he originated as a snake monster). I was trying to find F but couldn't. Something happened for a while in this one but I lost it.

Lucid #76: This one started as a DEILD but I guess I lost lucidity during the transition and it became a dream where I was being informed by detectives that my teenage daughter was murdered. They took me to the spot where she was murdered (the outside of my apartment where I walk my dog) and I became lucid. I forgot all about the plot and was just energized by the actions of my previous dreams where I talked to F, especially when I asked about the Christmas present -- it was just really exciting that I spontaneously did something like that. This is important for two reasons I can think of: I woke with an enormous sense of elation/gratitude, and also I remembered not only WL memories within this dream, but also dream memories from a previous dream! Anyway because of all of this I started running victoriously towards these humongous trees (they were more like tree-bark vines reaching up maybe 20 stories, like a skyscraper). I was so happy that when I felt the moisture on some of the leaves I thought of rain, and it started raining! It felt so real, it was amazing. At first I was lifting myself with my arms only, but then I thought about it and started using my legs too. I looked down and up at the huge expanse of the trees and the rain and it was just an exhilarating experience.

Lucid #77: Semi-DEILD. It wasn't instant but I did definitely "slip back" in a way. I tried to materialize something and eventually I got up very sloppily (my control was off due to awareness of WL body in a weird position). I walked to the bathroom and it reminded me of the opening scene of the 6th or 7th HP book with Harry's vision of Nagini biting the man in the room. There were two guys with country accents talking here. Woke up.

Lucid fragments: heard music at one point; felt grief? maybe there was at one point an older man giving me advice; possibly during #75 I turned a small square section of either a being (snake being) or a piece of wood (bedpost?) into a flashlight.

3x1 + 2x.5 +
10 (first LD) + 5 (DILD) + 2 (WBTB) + 4x5 (other LDs) +
15 (personal goal*)
= +56 => 99.5

Running total: 99.5

* Change the weather to make it rain while already lucid

Morning of October 6, 2018. Saturday.

Dream #: 18,919-01. Reading time: 1 min 45 sec. Readability score: 63.



Entering the usual (projected in this stage) vestibular system correlation phase (always based on the subliminal, liminal, or lucid anticipation of the process rather than anything to do with waking life), I find myself back in Cubitis in the early afternoon, in the front yard. I am watching airplanes flying south in the blue sky above. It goes on for seemingly a long time. (Although this is a common dream situation, having been so for over fifty years, it does not have the same essence or mood as my watching the sky before dawn dreams. Those carry more of a deep, blissful nostalgia and happiness, with a false memory of otherworldly activity occurring at about two to three in the morning.)

There are others with me, though they are unfamiliar people. Everyone in this dream is cheerful. My conscious self identity does not exist in this space. Even the neighbors to the immediate south are unknown and unfamiliar. There are no thoughts of the real history with the real-life neighbors of 1968-1978.

At times, I consider that I could cause an airplane to crash (though I am not viably lucid) by anticipating it, though I do not focus on human fatality here. Sometimes one of the planes flies close to the ground in the distance, but there are no explosions. Eventually, I see that a Cessna is in the driveway of the neighbor immediately to the south as if it had been there all along. I point this out to one of the other people in the front yard.

My dream wavers into an indoor setting, where the Cessna is now indoors, in the neighbor’s living room. It is behind the couch (and is not much longer than it) in about the center of the room, though it does not have wings. The owner had called it “fake” even though it is not. He and his wife sit inside the airplane and watch television. The plane faces west.

Eventually, the man cheerfully talks about having a snake around somewhere, which he put in the room on purpose. I am not concerned and do not see a snake anywhere, though slowly wake at this point.

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Since childhood, I have understood the vestibular system correlation avatar to be a specific form of RAS personification (the waking process linked to the reticular formation in REM sleep). Once again, this is validated, as the core RAS manifestation (in all primates, not just human beings) is a snake. It is almost as if the preconscious is playing with me by talking about having put a snake somewhere in the room with the wingless airplane.

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