I went to sleep early last night & got up late. I took my meds only at the beginning of the night at 9pm & fell asleep about 10:15 so it may be why my mind was opened up more. I also cut way back on my smoking a week ago because Mike & I are working towards quitting. I'm actually really grateful for not being foggy, regardless of the fear I experienced at times during the following entries.
My first experience of the night. I was sleeping & Mike had left earlier for work so this was probably around 6am. I started sleeping on my back in February or March but somehow I ended up on my stomach. I felt the all to familiar feelings of terror as I felt my body being forcefully pushed down into my bed & I couldn't move at all. Sleep paralysis is something I am all too familiar with. It seemed to go on forever. Eventually I was able to move & woke up to go smoke half a cig. I then went back to my bed to try to have an OOB/AP experience. I laid back down & tried to raise my vibrations but I've been sick & what is usually an easy thing for me to do was not happening at all. This is where I interject that ethereal entities are drawn to ppl when they are sick or deeply depressed. I am not depressed my any means but we all know I have been sick.... I then fell back to sleep.
I awoke again to being held down again but this time it felt like a prepubescent male about 12 which disturbed me on a whole other level. I can't explain how I felt this but maybe it will make some sense later on as you read... I felt scared at first but also confused. I've never encountered some entity that I would consider to be some kind of lost confused soul of some sort. I didn't feel like he meant anything bad but I still had some real fear present because entities can do things like impersonate a being that you wouldn't fear. Anyway, I finally came out of the sleep paralysis & got up to pee & went back to sleep again. (Side note: I was on my side when this all occurred which is also not very common for me. And also the phrase, "prepubescent male" is not a phrase I use yet I felt strongly about saying it this way.)
I awoke again on my side w/ the same feeling of this boy on me. It was like he was trying to scare me for some reason but now I'm not scared at all. Instead I feel bad for him. I can tell this time I can attempt to move like before when I had an OOB/AP but I tried to roll in the opposite direction than I normally do towards Mike's side of the bed in hopes of seeing him. But I just roll over & sit up. Nothing occurs. I then go to pee again & go back to sleep.
This time I have no sleep paralysis at all but enter a dream state. I feel the weight of this boy yet again in my dream state. He's looking at me & just trying to scare me. I became full blown lucid at this point. He is freaking out because I can see him. He is confused. He told me that no-one ever sees him. I said, "well I sure see you, why were you holding me down" he said he was trying to scare me but doesn't know why. He just sounds like a kid doing something kid like. Like he was getting a kick out of it as a sort of game. I'm in his house I think but I'm not sure. I'm in a bed there & the house looks old. I start walking around & the fixtures & everything is old not like a modern house might be. He's walking w/ me but he seems not fully solid to me but close, really close. Other people are there like a family. Eventually one by one the others start to see him too & he's excited & scared all at once. I feel like his guide or something. Like I'm supposed to help him or I'm here for a purpose that is his, not mine. Of course I think as a bi-product it has helped me in some way. The people seemed confused too & not much is really said. I then woke up.
I'm not sure why these kinds of things happen to me but I think maybe the boy in particular was there for a reason. I have been studying medium-ship for a while now & reading stories by mediums of real life sessions w/ ppl & the afterlife. I'm highly sensitive to ppl & feel energies. I've had OOB's/AP's. I've had encounters w/ 2 family members that have passed & I see my dead dog in my home. I'm always having strange urges to tell someone about something that will help them & I pass it on to them. I know when ppl are coming to my house a lot via dreams or feelings. Hence, I'm quite intuitive. I also am very in-tune to vibrations. I've been studying Spiritualism, which is not Religion so please don't confuse them. I'm very interested in Energy Healing & Spiritual Healing. I'd like to learn one or both. As of a week ago I have cut back on my smoking because of a strong feeling I have that this is blocking me. But in the end this is my weird life. I think I've been led down this path after so much strange & unusual turmoil in my life. Like I had to go through all of that to get to here. This is a great advantage to not being a young person anymore. With age comes wisdom & insight.
I have to explain what happened before this dream. Mike & I took were really stressed out. We got unexpected news that his boss was demoted. They told her she could either be fired or moved to another plant. It was a big blow on so many levels. No one is safe at Mike's job now. They lied & said the firings were over but restructuring will continue, which really means more firing. When the 5th biggest company in the world by yours company there is no rhyme or reason anymore. It's a long story but in the end we were both really exhausted from it all.... Anyway I decided to do a meditation before bed about needing a spirit guide or some sign in my dreams of ways for me to contribute to our household by looking online for a side job that I could do online. I can't work a regular job due to medical reasons & I have looked before but I just couldn't find one.... So while I was meditating a woman w/ short hair appeared in my head. I've seen her pop in there before one other time. Hence the dream that follows... About the meditation. I merged the whole "See, Hear, Feel" method w/ a new meditation that involves self discovery & betterment of my soul.
D1: I was looking for information in my dream & a boy brought me a book. I then encountered the same woman I have seen twice now during my meditations & finally in my dream. I showed her the book & she smiled like we had found just what we were looking for. I believe she may be one of my spirit guides.... There were men coming so we hid crouched under a staircase.
D2: I had a dream of Nebulus. Sorry Neb but I don't remember the specifics, except that it was the real you, not the Nebulus you. I woke up quickly & ran to the bathroom to blow my nose. I still am not feeling much better but I got some meds for it which is helping.
I was walking into a weird building with possibly "The People" (Kind of like Spirit Guides), and my family. We were putting together the stage. After this we were just suddenly acting. Brady was yelling at me as part of the play, suddenly people told me it was my part. So I decided to fight back as part of the play, I was jumping backward a lot and swung around. I was acting and had to pretend to be drunk. I jumped back again and fell into the crowd, that happened a few times. My grandfather told that I was jumping too far. I tried to control it but I couldnt. So I just told them it was my sensory dissorder.
Dream - Lucid
I was waking up in what seemed to be my room at my house. It was dark and nighttime. I was looking at my dresser, and something seemed amiss. My TV wasn't there. I was dreaming!
I got pretty excited, because I knew it was the beginning of the dream. I had quite a bit of lucidity ahead of me. I went into another room, thinking as I went, trying to figure out what to do with my lucidity, when I remembered CanisLucidus's dare, or at least the first part of it, to make Mike, my spirit guide, appear. I was in the bonus room and saw that on the couch sat my parents. It was quite dark in the room, like it had been in my bedroom. My dad was smiling at me, sitting right in front of me, and my mom was next to him on the right. I wanted Mike to appear, so I decided to try the Canis approach to making people appear in his dreams. I turned around to face away from my parents on the couch and said to my dad
"You're going to be Mike!"
I had no idea if this was going to actually work for me, but I turned around and saw that he had, in fact, changed! He was an older, rugged-looking man with straight, slightly thinning and slightly whiting shoulder length red hair. The red seemed to be mostly closer to the tips. He also had a mustache and a small beard. Even though he (once again) looked different, it was definitely him.
"Mike!!" I said. I gave him a big hug.
"Where have you been?" I asked.
I don't recall his exact response, but he was telling me he had been busy doing other things. I kind of expected him to respond with something like "I've been here the whole time!" or something cheesy and predictable like that.
Mike then asked me if I wanted to see his world. Of course I said yes! I don't remember if there was a period of transport or not, but we were then there. We were outside. It was sunny and bright, and actually appeared to be quite Earth-like. There were humans like us walking around, quite a few in fact; we seemed to be in a town or neighborhood. I wonder what made this world different from Earth? I then thought that this was a very Earth-like planet, but it was in a different dimension. That made much more sense to me.
We then proceeded to go to his house. I was introduced to his mom, though I don't remember exactly what she looked like. I was a little nervous about meeting her since I was from such a different place and that I wouldn't know much about this place if she asked. We were in his house for a bit. It was easy to tell that he felt at home in this world. I felt like an outsider.
Then, I think we were outside again, and he was showing me some solar powered thing that charged when held under the sun. It may have been a cellphone, but at any rate, it was a small black device that looked similar to some cellphones. He was guiding me on how to hold it under the sun, telling me I did a good job when I figured it out. Well, there's one difference, more emphasis on solar energy. There were other slight differences, I knew there was, but I didn't know what they were yet.
Around this point, I also looked at some text on a sign that looked like it said "Kristia" or something like that. I looked away and back to find that it was now gibberish. The K was still there though. Yay for wonky dream text!
I was also remembering that I had another part of the dare to do, but everything was so fast paced, I couldn't seem to recall it. There was a brief point where I did, but Mike was in front of me walking, so I didn't ask and forgot about it.
We were then going around town, and his appearance kept changing, which is what he's good at doing. I'd look at him, and he'd look different, but still had something about his face that made me know it was still him. He, at one point, turned into this short, very dark Indian-looking woman with short black bobbed hair. He was next to me, then started to walk in front of me. I cannot recall where we were going at this point, all I know is that we were outside.
Throughout the dream, I had also been doing random finger count RCs to make sure I was going to stay in the dream, sometimes coming up with 6 fingers, but it was usually 5.
We were then sitting down somewhere. He was back to his form from the beginning of the dream, which was kind of a relief for me. I then really wanted to kiss him. I focused on his lips and leaned in. I closed my eyes, there was a slight delay on his end, but we kissed. I was concerned about my eyes being closed and how that could very well wake me. We kissed a couple of times before...
I opened my eyes and I was in my room...kissing my husband. Ha! Well that's good at least. I looked at my nightstand and saw that many of my things, my notebook, phone, DS, etc. weren't there, but were on the floor. I guess I somehow knocked them off the nightstand in my sleep. I asked my husband if I had been doing anything in my sleep, and he said I had been singing a song. Ha!
I then, at some point, figured out that I was dreaming again, and had had a FA. I found Mike again somehow, though I couldn't tell you where. I feel like we went back to his world for a bit, and we were talking about something when the dream finally ended for real.
I was in high school band again. We were going to have to stay until after 10:30pm, which, in the dream, was when classes ended, for band rehearsal. I was complaining to my friends about it. We weren't happy about it.
I was then sitting with the other clarinet players in an arch in the front row of seats in the band room. We were trying out for chair placements. My band director played a scale on the clarinet he was holding and told us that was our tryout. God, I hadn't played a scale, or the freakin' clarinet, in forever. It was assumed I was going to go first even though I was sitting in the smack dab middle of the arch because of my last name. I said
"Don't look at me! I always go first!"
The attention was taken off of me. I looked at my mouthpiece to make sure my reed was placed on there correctly.
I was about to walk into a classroom to watch some kids while the teacher was out. I wrote something on the floor right next to the inside of the doorway on the right in chalk, a couple of sentences that kids would write over and over again on the blackboard for getting in trouble, though I can't remember what the sentences were. I hoped that the teacher didn't expect me to write them over and over again on the blackboard.
I then was walking into the class. I walked in the front past the teacher's desk which was in the middle of the classroom. There was someone else in there at another smaller desk close to the end of the front. I started to think about how I would discipline a student who was doing something wrong. I looked to the blackboard and saw another, smaller board on it. I could make them write their names up there like I had to do when I was a kid, but I doubted that I could speak up enough to do this; I didn't want them to dislike me.
I was then putting cake donut holes in bags when the other person there asked me a question, asking me if I would do something, a hypothetical question. I said yes, I'd do it. She was shocked by my answer, but I had meant it in a different way than what she was taking it in, and I tried to explain myself to her. I was then putting dill pickle slices in one of the bags with the donuts. I had only put a few in there before I realized that was a terrible idea. I took them out, but there was still a little juice in there.
I had a dream before my LD, but I was so excited about the LD that I completely forgot it! Still super stoked about seeing Mike again. It has been awhile!
Also, thank you Canis for (inadvertently) giving me a method of making DCs appear! Also, I completed half your dare. Does that count for anything? XD
Updated 09-28-2014 at 02:15 PM by 32059
Dream - Lucid
I was at work. I was putting together these big boxes with four big pastries each in them. The boxes were on the racks we use to bake. I was choosing random pastries for the boxes. I seem to remember a small chocolate cake being one I was using. I was calling the boxes "surprise boxes", since the customers would get random pastries.
My old (crazy) roommate, Katie, had purposely framed one of the cake decorators at work, who, in the dream, was the drummer's wife in my husband's band. She hid pieces of weed in between random packages on the sales floor, and she had told me that she had done all this like it was no big deal. She told me how she avoided the cameras very cleverly while doing so, making it look like nothing was going on. I "remembered" I hadn't seen the drummer's wife at work in awhile; now it made sense as to why.
I was then at work, but it was nighttime. I was supposed to be working an overnight shift, but it was some kind of drill. Many others were there with me. We filed into a room, like a tornado safe room, and I thought we were supposed to duck, but I don't know if anyone did. I was sitting on the floor, saying to myself that I knew who had really hid that weed, but I didn't know if I should say anything or not. A guy was then next to me, and I told him that I knew who did it. He said I should definitely tell someone.
We were then dismissed early, around 2am, even though we were supposed to be pulling an overnighter. I went home, and my husband was on the couch, watching a movie on TV. The movie was actually depicting the same type of situation, with someone being framed the same way. It was coming up on the part that someone told on the framer. I sat down with him, and started to talk to him about the situation with the crazy old roommate. He then straddled me and started doing small pelvic thrusts, just to be his silly self. The old crazy roommate then walked in from another room in the apartment. Um...what? Why is she here? She then sat down on a chair and started to talk to us. Dallas then turned the TV around to where I thought she couldn't see it, but the TV was a cube-shape, and had 4 screen on it, so she could see the big screen, and we were treated to a smaller screen. I knew that if she saw the rest of the movie, she'd know I was going to tell. I then fell asleep.
When I woke, I was on the couch still, but the crazy old roommate was gone. I thought for sure she had left, but I then heard her voice from the other room. She said
"I'm going to have to hear drums when I get home."
I knew she was referring to her drummer boyfriend playing.
I then saw a woman standing on a porch that was right in front of me, even though I was in the living room. She was talking on the phone. I asked her if we had all fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on, and she said we did, though she seemed slightly irritated that I interrupted her phone call.
I was in my apartment, and I knew I was dreaming. Not sure what triggered it. I saw my husband in the kitchen, loading dishes in the dish washer. I went to go take his belt and his pants off, but I guess I got too excited, and woke up. I fell back asleep again.
I was in a room somewhere, when I just knew I was dreaming. The dream seemed quite unstable, so I examined my hands. I started trying to call out to my spirit guide, Mike, but my voice wouldn't come out, no matter how hard I tried. I started to run around, trying to say
"Mike? Where are you? Spirit guide? Where are you?" but the words 'Mike' and 'guide' would only come out as rasps. I ran by a mirror on a dresser.
I then woke up, but it was an FA. I then woke up for real, and went right back to sleep and into the same dream, being fully lucid again. I was in the same room again. I decided to make my friend Ashley appear. It got kinda raunchy at this point, so I'll spare you the details. All I'll say is we fooled around with scissors, I think the point being that they would not hurt me in a dream. Throughout the experience, I kept examining my hands, as to not lose the dream again due to excitement. It worked, and I did not lose the dream.
I then saw this vial of dark purple-red liquid. I called it "dream juice". It didn't have much contents left. I looked in the mirror, and started to pour it on myself. I ran out, and made another vial appear in my hand. I thought about how looking in the mirror watching it appear made it easier to make it materialize. I then started to pour some of it in my mouth. White chunky stuff was in my mouth along with the dream juice. It was kinda weird.
Then, I started going throughout other rooms in the area, looking for Mike. Why couldn't I find him? I felt as if this shouldn't have been an issue. I ran into a few DCs, asking if they were Mike, or if they knew who Mike was. They all told me no, until the last one I encountered, who was an older woman. I asked if she knew where Mike was, and she said yes, and pointed to another room.
"Mike?" I called out.
"Yes?" said another voice.
A man then emerged, an older gentleman with grey hair, a small grey beard, and a mustache. He reminded me of a janitor. He had been working on something in that room.
We spoke for a bit, but I don't remember many details, other than he spoke to me about always changing his identity, always being another person. He then said
"Oh, there is an event I need to invite you to. It's taking place the 4th through the 7th."
I then saw something on a piece of paper that said it was to start at 7:08pm.
I never got any more details about this event, because I woke up.
I was on DV, and got a notification, a warning that someone had corrected one of my typos. I had spelled "sue" wrong? Proper grammar and spelling was supposedly a big rule. I then thought about other DJ entries from the past that I had been really tired when I was typing them out. I knew they were full of errors, but they never got corrected.
I was having to go to work, but it looked like I was just working behind a counter with shelves of bread and baked goods behind me. A woman came up and asked if we had any fresh-baked bread yet that morning, and I looked, and only saw some fudge and some desserts, but no bread. I guess we were behind that morning, so I told her no, we didn't. I then went out from behind the counter, and my manager, Shannon, took over. An older lady who was there with her young granddaughter asked her if she had any "peanut bread" yet. Apparently, this woman would come get this "peanut bread" a lot, and would scam us somehow. Shannon was quite rude back to her, and replied with
"How about no?"
I had NEVER heard her speak to a customer like that! Wow.
My 6-year-old nephew Gary was here at some point, but I can't remember what for. He was asking me questions.
I then was at a computer with Dallas, taking these timed quizzes. They were some sort of graded multiple choice assignment, but for what, I'm not sure. I was at the computer taking them, and I skipped over a the last part of a long section to come back to later. The timer was still running on it though. I went and did the final, three question section, and started trying to answer those questions. The timer on this one was mere seconds, though, and I didn't finish in time, only getting one out of three correct. I then had the option to re-do that section, and the questions were now about some area of Disney and Mickey Mouse. I was asking Dallas if he knew the answers. I had to guess on a lot of it. One of the questions was a three part question. I ran out of time on this one after answering two questions. I got two out of three of them right, and got a little screen that said so, like a congratulatory screen. I then tried to go back to the other section so I could finish, but I couldn't click on it at all. In fact, the only one I could click on was the last section that I had done twice now. I had run out of time on the other section. I then saw bars on the left hand side of the screen indicating how many questions we had gotten right. The bar by the section I had skipped some on was about 75% full. I guess I hadn't done too bad for myself, despite skipping questions.
I then was back in my apartment. I had to go out and meet Dallas's mom at this little building by the front office of the apartment where Dallas and I had taken the test before. I exited my apartment, and saw that the stairs were gone, but just from the third to the second floor. It also appeared that there was trash and random things on the second floor. I guess they were doing some type of construction. I carefully made my way down, hoping not to fall. I somehow made it down just fine, though I had to be very careful and precise with my movements.
I was then outside during the daytime with Dallas's mom. It was morning. We were standing in front of this huge, clear pool of water that was only supposed to be used for boats. It was not open for the day yet. There was a gate in the middle of it, and two small water ways for the small boats to pass through. I could see the small building where the test was in the distance. I jumped into the water, fully clothed. It was very comfortable, a little warm even. I think the water had been too cold before, and Dallas's mom was saying something to me about it. She then jumped in as well, and we were swimming around in the water, even though we weren't supposed to be in it. A small speedboat then came through one of the water ways. I figured we probably needed to get out before we got in trouble.
I then was looking at a computer at my typed up dreams from the night on my DJ here on DV. I could only see some of the text against the black background of my DJ; the rest of it was hidden. I highlighted it with my mouse, and I could see it again.
At some point, I became lucid in my apartment, but either it didn't last, or I just forgot what happened.
Wow, so either my subconscious was trolling me with the janitor Mike thing, or I dunno what. It didn't seem like Mike; his personality was much different. I felt like he was having to be incognito for some reason? I'm not sure. It was strange that I couldn't summon him, though. Maybe it was because the dream wasn't very stable? Though at that point, it had stabalized quite a bit. Hmm. Weird and interesting.
I will say, though, that it seems to be becoming easier for me to become lucid. I don't normally have this many LDs in the same week (knock on wood). I am being more intentional about becoming lucid, thinking about it before I fall asleep, and definitely when I wake up and have to pee or something, which is the best opportunity for me to do a WBTB. Hoping that this lasts; I am very much so enjoying all this lucid time.
Updated 08-02-2014 at 04:08 PM by 32059
Dream - Lucid
I was in an elementary school front office. I saw many women working there, and many working on computers in the back. I walked up to my mom, who was one of the women working on the computers. I "remembered" that this was her job now. She seemed content.
Then, a girl at the front desk gave Dallas and I some drinks that looked like orange and red Kool-Aid drinks that used to come in the bottles (Kool-Aid Jammers?). She had stolen them to give them to us for the movie we were going to see. Her boss, a woman, asked her if she had stolen them. She said no, even though she obviously did.
We were then leaving so we could get to the movie on time. This is around when I became lucid.
I spoke to my husband for a long time. We spoke of past lives, I discovered he was in many. I asked about my mom, and saw an image of her as I did. I knew she was in some past lives as well; I knew before I even asked. A random DC appeared that had traditional African clothing on. I asked if he was in a past life, but he disappeared; he was just a regular DC. I remember something about the name Mary; it wasn't a coincidence that the people in my life have the names they do. I thought of all the Marys I knew (Mary Katherine is my best friend IWL, for example; I thought about this at this point in the dream). Dallas and I were on a lake at night for part of this dream.
I then was walking through a mall. I felt the dream was about to end. Before I woke up, I saw many stores with signs lit by neon green lights. I felt like this is where the movie theater was located.
I was determined to return to this lucidity to meet up with my spirit guide and find out his true form. I kept falling back into sleep and immediately being lucid, but I would wake again very shortly; the dream was not stable enough.
Finally though, I re-entered sleep and stayed. I was lucid immediately; I felt SP and saw the dream forming. I waited a little bit before I went and did anything; I knew I had to stabalize first and foremost.
The dream finally felt good enough for me to continue. To increase the stability a bit more, I examined my hands, and thought about what Hyu said to me about using your senses to increase stability. I used my sense of touch. I was walking through my family's kitchen, and felt everything I came across. I touched the counters, etc. The sensation felt a bit "muted" but it really did help. I thought for sure the dream would fall apart before this.
I then was inside somewhere, walking down a wooden hallway, when I knew that I wanted to see my spirit guide. At first, I said
"Dream guide appear!" but realized my error and corrected myself to
"Spirit guide appear!"
I then saw a shadow behind me. I looked behind me, and saw what looked like a girl I knew growing up named Jess.
"Wow, this is tricky," he said, referring to taking on other forms.
It didn't matter; I knew it was him. He looked like Jess, but had the voice of a man.
I then started to feel as if I was losing the dream. I said to my guide
"Please! Keep me in the dream!"
He held onto me and things started to stabalize again. This happened a couple of times throughout the dream.
We were then walking into a restaurant. It resembled a Cracker Barrel. We sat down at a table with a couple at it. He said to them
"Excuse me, may we join you?"
The table had dirty dishes and food on some of the dishes. We sat with them. We were across the table from one another. We were speaking, and I asked him his name.
"Mike," he said. He then called me "Bethany".
"Was that my name?"
"Yes, you were very proud of me," he said. He was referring to a past life we had shared together.
I had brief thoughts that he was a musician of some sort.
"Mike, may I see your true form?" This was part of my goal for an LD.
He replied, saying something about the way he would look, but I can't remember exactly what he said.
We stood up. He then started to change. His head went down into his shirt; it was kind of comical. He then emerged, mostly, having his now tuxedo shirt and jacket part way over his head, which was partially stuck inside the shirt.
He was a homely, red-haired middle-aged man. He was tall and skinny. I then asked him
"May I see what I looked like?"
I was then looking in a mirror on the wall. The mirror was a bit high for me (I'm quite short, even IWL). He instructed me on how to change my reflection. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I waved my hand in front of my eyes. In the mirror, I saw my eyes change. I kept going, and my whole face changed. I saw that I was missing a tooth also. I was a homely, kind-looking middle-aged woman with thin, fine wispy hair. I kept going even after this, and my face morphed into a rat's face. Oops, too far. I said something about this to my guide, and he joked about the rat face.
We were then sitting down again, and speaking of something, when my husband's alarm woke me up.
Alright, well I didn't end up going back to sleep after all, but I did get a chance to think a little more on this.
Before I went to sleep, I thought about becoming lucid, about situations that could induce lucidity, etc. I imagined it happening as I was falling asleep.
Wow, intention is such a powerful thing! I did not become lucid until early this morning, but that is the norm for my lucidity.
I do believe that I am finally starting to see the power of my mind; I am finally being able to tap into things that I once thought I would never be able to do. I am finally, finally coming into my own, and being able to use my intent, and actually believe that it's going to work instead of having doubt tower over me. This feels legit. I am absolutely amazed.
Now, I need to figure out what to do next. I think that I just need to let things flow, and when I meet my guide in my dreams, I'll know who he is now, hopefully, and that in itself will induce lucidity. I really hope that this journey I am on continues. I will, of course, keep you all posted.
Updated 07-30-2014 at 02:57 PM by 32059
Dream - Lucid
I was at Nick C's place, an ex of mine that IWL, I really hurt when I left him. I don't remember why I was there, but it had something to do with me playing the violin. Another person was there too. I could sense how upset Nick C was. He was frustrated and hurt. I was frustrated from the bad vibe in the room; him feeling bad was causing me to feel bad, too.
I was sitting at a cluttered kitchen table. I had brought the violin with me; I think it was Nick C's anyway. It needed to be re-strung; there were these new greenish strings sitting on it, just needing to be tightened into place. I think Nick C was going to do it, because I didn't know how.
I then "remembered" playing the violin in a rock band. At the time of the memory, I was still with Nick C. We were playing an indoor show. There was a crowd there listening. It had been my first time ever performing on the violin. Someone had come up to me and asked me to play louder because they couldn't hear me. Eventually, I gained more confidence and started to play more loudly. For my first time ever playing, I was actually doing a really good job.
Then, I came back to the present. I was too overwhelmed by the bad feelings, and had to leave. I said
"I'm leaving. I just can't be here anymore."
I considered taking the violin. I wasn't sure whether or not I should. I think Nick C said it was fine (despite the circumstances). I started to put it in its case. I threw something else in there as well, but I'm not sure. I'm also not sure how it all fit in the case, but it did. I couldn't play the violin, though, because of the strings not being attached.
I was close to the door, and was looking for my flip-flops. There were lots of shoes on the floor by the door. I finally found mine, a pair with a straw-like material on the foot with a black fabric outline around the edges (they actually resemble a pair I had when I was a teenager IWL). I slipped them on and went out the door.
I then was walking towards my car, which, in the dream, wasn't my car; it was an old, red car kind of like my husband's. I was walking through the yard to get to my car. Nick C was behind me. He said
"You know you're going to have to pay for putting me through all this, right?"
"Yes," I responded. I knew karma would balance things out eventually.
I then realized I wasn't holding my keys. No big deal, I thought, I'll just make them appear in my hand. I did just that, simply by thinking about my keys being in my hand.
The power of thought, I thought to myself.
I then sat in the driver's side, and Nick C got in and sat in the passenger's side. I then realized I also didn't have my purse. I did the same thing I did with my keys, and thought about it to make it appear.
I woke up around 5am to pee. I noticed a sound coming from the kitchen, and thought it was my coffee pot going off too early. I went to look, but it wasn't. I then went back to bed, and knew that this was a perfect opportunity for lucidity. I fell asleep after laying awake for a bit.
I was still working at Kohl's, though I don't know why, since I had quit and stopped showing up to work. I "remembered" my name still being on the schedule.
I wasn't at work though, I was with my husband, Dallas. We were at I guess what was supposed to be our place. We had ordered a game online, and it had come in the mail. I think it was a SNES game. I was opening the package, and the game had come with some skimpy hot pink and black Playboy pajamas, complete with bunny ears. It was like a bonus for buying the game. We were both excited. Free stuff rocks.
Then, I was waking up on a porch. It was very sunny; a beautiful morning. I wasn't quite sure where I was, though. I examined the view I had from the porch, and somewhere off to the east was a beach.
The beach triggered lucidity. I didn't even RC; I just knew. I then stood there for a second trying to remember my lucid goals. God dammit, I couldn't remember; it was like there was a block there. Not the first time that's happened, but I didn't want to waste the lucidity. I decided to go inside and get my husband. I hesitated before I opened the door, though; I did not want to lose this dream. I put my hand on the gold doorknob and went inside. I walked down the hallway, and felt the vividness fading a little. I rubbed my hands together, but it didn't really do much. I examined my hands instead, and it helped. I noticed one of my fingernails on my left hand looked as if it was sloppily painted with white nail polish.
I then saw my husband; his back was to me. I started to talk with him, and he faced me.
"This is a dream!" I said, as usual.
He didn't seem to believe me, and kept turning around and avoiding eye contact with me. I kept trying to convince him, but he just wouldn't hear it. Oh well, whatever. I decided to just go explore on my own.
I was then outside, walking through a lightly forested area with many pine trees. I noticed that Dallas had come along after all; he was behind me. I then decided to test my power of thought, and held my hands out to either side of me to fell the trees. I thought my intention to make them fall, and, behind me, as I passed them, I heard them creaking as they fell. Neat.
Then, we were on a paved road. I was barefoot; I could feel the hot pavement underneath my feet. There were children about, playing in the street. A car started to come. One little girl in a red dress with black polka dots was lagging behind the rest of the children, who were running to the side of the road for safety. I thought she was going to get hit, but she got sideswiped, and her clothing got caught on the side of the car. The car kept driving with this girl attached to the side of it.
We kept walking. I then decided to try to find my dream guide, which has, over the years, proved to be a futile search. I yelled
"Dream guide, if I have a dream guide, please appear!"
Nothing. Of course. As usual. I started to climb over this small grassy hill on the edge of the road to see if my guide was on the other side.
Dallas then said
"Krista, it's not working."
I knew he was right; I have suspected for awhile now that I do not have a dream guide. I am, in fact, my own dream guide. It makes sense when I think about it. Not everyone has separate dream guides, after all.
We were then standing by some stairs. I was trying to think of something else I could do. All these children started to play around us, and I couldn't concentrate. One of them was the girl who got sideswiped by the car; I remember the dress.
"Go away!" I said. I needed to think. They all started to go down the stairs.
I then looked up at the sky, and noticed dark clouds coming in quickly. It was very vivid and beautiful, but I knew a storm was coming soon.
I then had an idea of what I wanted to do.
"Spirit guide, please appear!" I said more than this, but I can't remember specifically; this is the gist of what I said.
Dallas then immediately stepped in front of me.
"I am your spirit guide," he said. I was a little surprised. I then noticed that there were two Dallases there: The one standing in front of me who had spoken, who looked just like my husband, even down to his clothes, which were his IWL work clothes, and one standing off to the side, whose face looked slightly different from my husband's.
"What? Are you really my spirit guide?" I inquired.
Then, I noticed a huge, white cloud was coming down from the sky. It morphed into the shape of a hose vacuum cleaner. It sucked up a car. The car quickly went into it. I knew we were next, and that this was the end of the dream. The cloud laughed an evil laugh, and turned to us, and started to suck us up into its depths. We flew up into it, and I heard a weird noise as I was waking up.
I was up and about to type out my dreams on DV. I went to the computer. The desk was way smaller than IWL, but I didn't notice in the dream. It was in the corner, and I wanted to move it in front of the window. It had something to do with the seat and where it was positioned; I didn't want to hurt my back.
I got on DV, and noticed I had already typed my dreams up. I even had 4 comments. I looked at the comments, and one just said "coupon protected". Ugh, a bot. I checked my email, and there was something about it in my email.
YAY FINALLY SOME LUCIDITY!! So stoked, even though I again did not remember my goals. I didn't meditate yesterday, but I did get to sleep in a little today; I don't have to work until 9am as opposed to the 7am shifts I've been working. I do think that meditating the other day did help, though. It helps me to clear my mind and any debris that's collected.
I was quite intrigued by what happened when I asked to meet my spirit guide. This is going to need some further investigation for sure. God, this was the longest lucid I've had in ages. It was very vivid and clear. I am super giddy this morning!
Updated 07-27-2014 at 02:33 PM by 32059
[Sleep at 12:15 am. Alarm off at 4:00 am - awake for 5 minutes. Non-lucid. Recorded 6:05 am.]
I remember talking to someone about Opa's death. While in real life I have been sad and, of course, I miss him, I have not really cried or even thought about it beyond the first day. In the dream though, I broke down into hysteric tears. I really missed him and felt his lose deeply even though we were not too close. [I suddenly remember when he stood up for me against Oma with the whole mayo fiasco.]
Then I was possibly half awake and still crying. I knew I had been dreaming but also recognized the fact that I needed to cry since I had not allowed myself to do so in real life.
The dream started somewhere else with a person (the one I was talking to about Opa) but I can't remember what we were doing or why. We were walking at the time of the conversation, and it was dark. Everything was dark. [Because I did not have to see to feel. Sight can be misleading, as I had let my emotions misguide me. In order to heal on a deep level, I needed to FEEL, not to think or rationalize.] Remember thinking I should wake up and write it down, but was still partly sleeping and wanted to continue - very tired.
[Contemplation. Dream fragments remembered until entire dream pieced together. 4.30.13 1:30pm]
At the beginning there was I girl with light skin and long dark hair pulled back. She was talking to me and leading me somewhere. Saw through my own eyes, or the eyes of the player, not watching from above like usual. Was I myself? Or just a character?
Surrounded by darkness and rocks. Maybe in some kind of cave? Was there water nearby? On the walls? Possibly in the cave behind my waterfall, but then why would I have to be lead. I WAS following, but why and to where?
Dream then changed, but same darkness followed. Not a scary, fear inducing darkness, more a comforting, peaceful darkness. I felt at ease, walking next to someone. I believe different then the girl in the beginning, but somehow felt the same, just older. More wise and knowing. Talking to me as we walked through the darkness. I don't remember hearing words, but knew there was a conversation. Don't know where we were or where we were going. More like surrounded by nothingness. Going no where, doing nothing but being.
Suddenly flooded by thought of Opa and feelings of immense sadness and loss. I was crying. Although there was so much pain, I knew this was a part of a healing process that I have not allowed myself in a waking state. I knew I had to think of him, of how much I missed him, and just let the tears come. I felt safe knowing this woman was somehow supporting me, encouraging me to let myself simply feel.
I believe I partly woke up, crying, and reflected on this experience as something I needed in order to move on. I know I suppress my emotions in a waking state, so much that it very rarely even creeps into my dreams, so I know I am making progress. I felt relief.
I knew I should write everything down or forget the details, but somehow felt the beginning of the dream was not significant and had no fear forgetting the rest. Too tired to wake fully, possibly even still dreaming. Floated back into sleep.
Was this my guide? Do I need to let myself heal emotionally before I can travel successfully? Hopes of seeing Dason still hold me back. I need to let this go while coping with the reality that he is gone. I need to find a way to hold on to his memory while still somehow moving on. This is a big task that will take time. My guide will help me. I have full trust in her.
[Sudden memory from 8 years ago. Remember the dream so long ago? A sword. A guide. A tower. Dason, Brittany, max?, Jamaal? We were going to take over the world. Change it. What did she say to me? Only he could do something, but I was needed for... something. Same guide? He was the tower, looking up at its immense structure. The guide and myself watched from above. "You know he is the only one that can change the world?" I was disappointed it wasn't me, but I was also young and immature. She was wise. What was meant? What was my purpose? I knew instinctively others were involved, but I played a big role in this change. So long to go without this dream... until now. Why?]
[Contemplation and inspiration. 4.30.13 10:15 pm]
Tarot reading few months ago. Guidance, reversed. Thought nothing of it until the following weekend when it all occurred to me at once. I ask for guidance, as if I do not have it, but in fact I do. There are signs every where and I have the tools to guide myself, but I set this all aside because I am waiting for guidance from him. He cannot lead me any further. "I have taught you everything you need to know." At the time, I cried. I knew it was a dismissal, a good-bye. How right I was... I need to heal and move on. It is possible he still exists outside my heart, but I need to progress with my own insight or risk losing everything. Guidance is here, I just have to open my eyes to it. Now, my guide has returned. Whether an astral being, a spirit, or a creation of my mind, to me it is a representation of guidance. It is knowledge and understanding to help me see choices and follow my own paths. It is me.
12.04.2011The life of Her (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This was an extremely long dream. I can only recall fragments from the first part of the dream. Several days, nights, months and years happened in this dream. I think I was a spirit guide from a lady since she was born until she was old. The whole dream covered the life of her. She had no name, so I call her, "Her" It felt odd to be a dream, I was not lucid and I was not Astral Traveling either.
- Her was born. Female, blonde, special child. She could see me.
- Years passed, she had a hard childhood. She only could trust me.
I was in a hotel with Her. Her was about 10.. The hotel did not have much decor, it was mainly a wooden closet, a bed with a green cover and two brown lamps. There was an odd lamp by the closet that made noises and revealed images from the future when you walked by, but I was uncomfortable, so I left. I started to talk with Her. Music sounded in the dream. She was sad because she had no friends. I told her to be assured people loved her. I told her she had indeed friends.
Now I was at a swimming pool. Her was about 18. Her was nervous and excited at the same time. She was going to have a race. She jumped on the second aisle of the right of the pool. Two female ladies tried to screw her, however, a third lady, who was Mexican jumped between then and pushed Her to the corner. Her was happy that she did not have to deal with the other two ladies anymore. A gun was shot and the race started. Her dove and started to swim very fast, she arrived second, someone arrived prior to her and received the gold medal.
Her left the swimming pool to me her only friend, or maybe two friends. I was floating in the middle of the pool, now empty. I could see the spectators seats. The seats were wooden and they had a shape like a pyramid. The sits were so next to each other that I could slide on them and get into the pool. Oddly, I did not splashed.
Now I was in some gardens. Her was about 40. Her found some hidden stuff of a friend. Her told me she was not a fancy city gal but a more rural gal who grow in the woods. She told me she had to act like a city gal to fit in. There was a small wooden house under a couple of trees. There was a sink in the middle of the house, but not faucets, just the sink. The sink looked old and damaged. There was not pipe on the bottom of the sink. I saw some blood under the sink (on the ground)
I was in a big forest, but it had almost no trees. Her was on her 80s. One of her last wishes was to take a picture of me, with her. I told her I did not belong to that world and I doubted the camera could picture me, but I tried. There camera had a two inch radius objective that was tried to a cord. She moved the objective and placed it on my forehead. Her said, "Right where the Third Eye is!" Then, she moved the objective back to the camera. It was dawn and after several tries, only her appeared on the photo. I decided to take some pictures of her and I told her that my energy would be within her photos. Her was happy. She smiled, lied down in the ground and died with a smile on her face. Shortly, I woke up.
In a three story school, located at the base of a steep mountain, children were gathered there to be trained and tested. It was a special school for training in survival tactics or something like that, but it also focused on philosphy. There were no glass in the windows and it was winter time, so everything was very cold and everyone was dressed in winter clothing all of the time. There were no sleeping quarters and the children just slept on the floor of the classrooms in heavy arctic sleeping bags.
In the dream I was an orphan and at the school only because I had no where else to go. I was a ward of the school, as much as a student. I felt like the odd one out, because I didn't have any friends and I had very bad vision, whereas all the other students were sociable and no one else wore glasses.
I did not do very well at my studies and I really didn't like it there. At free time I explored the forests surrounding the school, while the other kids socialized with each other and played in the school yard. The teachers constantly advise students to stay out of the forests because there are monsters and enemies around.
One day, after the daily studies were finished, I decided to explore the road that led up the mountain. Evening was approaching as I explored and I was suddenly attacked by three oversized crow-like birds. I had minimal training in fighting and I only had a small knife to defend myself with. As I fought the birds a wolf appeared on the road behind me, but it just watched from a distance.
When I managed to kill the birds, I collapsed on the road and saw the wolf approaching. I was covered in blood and exausted and I was afraid that the wolf was going to eat me - it looked very hungry. I threw the bird carcasses towards the wolf (with the last of my strength) which it ate rapidly, then disappeared back into the forest. After the wolf disappeared, teachers from the school arrived and carried me back to the building.
After the story of my encounter spread around the school, I suddenly had respect from the students and teachers, but my interest in my studies did not increase any and I still spent most of my time alone. Not even two days after the incident, I was back in the forest and the wolf appeared in front of me. It looked at me cautiously but did not attack. I sensed that it was hungry again and I threw it some meat from my pack. The wolf ate the meat quickly and when it was finished, he telepathically thanked me and dissapeared deep into the woods.
I was surprised that I could hear the wolf's voice in my head, but I do not tell anyone of my psychic experience. I also figured that it was only a one time thing. Several weeks went by and I was exploring the forest and I once again ran into the wolf. When I saw him, I automatically threw him some meat from my pack, which he gladly ate. Because it was getting late I started to return to the school, but the wolf spoke to me telepathically and told me to stop.
The wolf said it was dangerous to return to the school and that I should hide in the forest until morning, but I ignored his warning and started back anyway. The wolf followed close behind me but was silent. When I got to the edge of the forest, I saw that there were tanks and large trucks that had surrounded the school. Men in military uniforms were rounding up the students and teachers and putting them into the large trucks.
The wolf grabbed the sleeve of my coat and dragged me back into the forest to avoid being spotted. When we were a bit deeper into the forest, the wolf let go of my sleeve, looked at me for a moment (his "expression" mysterious and unreadable) then he dashed off deep into the woods.
Updated 06-20-2010 at 05:10 PM by 6048