Recent DJ Posts

22nd April 2021

There are quite a few personal thoughts and notes here but I guess when are dreams ever anything other than personal? But this took me quite a while to type up, which is frustrating on some level.

Fragment:

Playing DII, with the barbarian. I remember I look at the waypoints and see I'm in Act 3 but it's actually hell (Act 4). The colours all look weird, the character looks a fuzzy dark navy blue on some parts. It's generally dark and I am going to where Diablo "lives", I remember going past the hellforge or something.

Very little recall of this dream but it had a strange feel to it, a bit like some of the weirder pre-sleep dreams I used to get as a kid, where reality made no sense with waking physics and was all fuzzy like static noise.

(DFLN) Dream:

Spoiler for Lengthy dream:

I'm in BL, in a dream generated location. I'm feeling preoccupied about basic totems for some reason, something about acquiring more while AFK. I go around to where AH's base is, but it's not at all like her waking life base and is on a different world. I play or hear some voice recording of her, talking about AFK gains and stuff like that. Her voice is soft and quieter than I would expect. Her base is massively unfinished and her character is just sitting here in the middle of it all.

Occasionally I see the character turn or twitch randomly and on closer inspection an interface element reveals that it's possessed by a "PharmBot" user entity, briefly, which in the dream I have knowledge of being a bot that keeps track of peoples' farms and then reports their status on a Discord server. Walking around and seeing the unfinished base, I notice I still have permissions in some parts of it. I think to myself, maybe I can ask for a special permission to be able to finish up her base for her. I feel a sadness of sorts. I talk to H about all of this?

The world is a lush type and green-ish for the most part but there is a dominant pale yellow tint.

Then, I eventually wander off in a random direction and find some creatures over a lava pit place. The dream starts to feel more like DOOM now but visually remains mostly the same. I shoot some energy weapons at the creatures and kill a few of them quickly but I start to feel overwhelmed by their numbers. Some look a bit like cacodemons or something but not quite, and the rest are generic mish-mash. I think I fall in the lava and get annoyed or frustrated by how sticky it is and how I'm going to die and have to come back here.

(recall gap)

I'm in our office/computer room but it's mixed with the old home. I have knowledge of it being where L's room would have been. I'm sitting with someone at the desk, a guy, he's to my left. I'm teaching him something about drawing. He asks me about making a logo and I say that it depends, things can vary based on budget. If he wanted to just spend five on it, then this pen I have that he seems to be interested in, that would do. I forget the conversation details, but this person is a dream character who is a generic friend in the dream's context, though maybe closer than just an acquaintance.

The doorbell rings (I forget the sound it makes) and I go to answer the door. It was day in the office but now I'm in the corridor, it's dark. I make a mistake, instead of going to the hall on the right I go straight through mom and dad's bedroom where mom seems to be sleeping and I go into mom's study. There's a twilight or dawn ambience in here. I realise this isn't the right place to be at all and start to feel rushed to answer the door, turning around and walking quickly back through to the hall, then opening the front door cautiously, not remembering I could have looked through the seeing hole.

The person is a maid and she doesn't look like anyone I know. I wait or ask for an explanation. She's black, though a relatively light tone, not much darker than me in reality. Her hair is sort of curly, medium length and is tied up in a bunch at the top rear of her head. I hold onto the door as we talk, apprehensive for some reason.

She explains that mom's old maid (who I haven't seen in many years) won't be coming anymore because she's been ill and only been getting worse. I'm not told what with, exactly, but there's an implied sense of a condition much like mine.

Spoiler for slightly erotic:

I think because of waking reality, I have an erection in the dream, possibly since I got up and started walking from the office room, though I tried keeping it from seeming obvious. When she walks further into the hall, her right hand brushes past my legs and she doesn't say anything but immediately looks apprehensive and embarrassed.

She says something and feels she must excuse herself for today. I feel I leave an unwarranted poor impression on her.

(gap)

Still at the old home and in the same general dream context, in terms of ambience etc. There's something about dad, he's talking with me and someone else. He tells us about having found a cancer, a melanoma. He has no top on and feels around his right arm with his left hand and finds the point. It's inside, near the join to the forearm. I wonder about removal with chemotherapy and stuff. I have some kind of daydream thing where I see myself having that entire area surgically removed, being left with a hole there very near the inner elbow. It seems excessive and like it would leave me weak because of how much of that area is muscle but I also wonder if the doctors couldn't put in an artificial and flexible latticed matrix of some kind, for the body to use as framework for regeneration, like scaffolding or the beams in a building. But I feel they'd never bother with such a thing.

Spoiler for Notes, spoilered for length:

- AH passed away from cancer earlier this year and one thing I have felt sad about is that what little rights I had left around her base were taken away from me by people I don't even know, even if I understand that her legacy was willingly left to these people, who she did know. I suppose it's made me think about how in my perception, some people just have more "rights" on the memory of someone. It doesn't feel fair, but I guess very little feels fair to me these days.

-- On the topic of fairness, this morning after I got up from bed, I was feeling easily annoyed by some things, mostly environmental issues that I feel unable to help with as an individual, because of the way society is set up. This came about in part because it was a recycling day.

- Dad doesn't have any cancer that we know of and to be honest I think most of the cancer themes in the dream were really just a manifestation of somewhat irrational worries I get about having cancer myself. Especially with AH's passing, I have become somewhat more fearful of having something like that happen to me and the worst of it is that even through these reminders I find myself spending time doing lots of meaningless things. I end up feeling helpless in a sense, feeling like I won't accomplish anything meaningful in my lifetime and that I won't leave a legacy behind that is what I would like to leave behind.

-- This is especially true of my creative activities, where I fear that if I would simply pass away all of a sudden, the things that would be left behind wouldn't reflect enough about how I feel about life, emotions, pain and other certain topics. I feel like the very thing I want to make depictions about (my condition and its limitations) is exactly what stops me from doing something meaningful. I often feel too tired and unable to engage myself into a creative mode, especially lately. The latter half of last year felt decent in creative terms and I thought that because I am being more functional with my current medication that this trend would continue.

- Lately, oddly enough, I tend to recall fairly well what I am thinking of before bed, but I still do not notice any transition into sleep and my thoughts eventually become dispersed anyway. Last night in bed I was thinking about BL:TPS and how its story had been written and how it compared to BL2 and BL3 and how BL1 tied into all of it too. I remember I was also thinking about Freelancer and certain story moments, as well as the game world in general. I had a few thoughts about DV and the members I know a bit better but recall of this is more vague now. I do remember thinking about what OccipitalRed has said recently about consciousness and awareness whilst dreaming in general even in non-lucid contexts.

-- Notably, I don't ever seem to dream about the very last things I think of. Frequently, the subjects I end up dreaming about stem either from pertinent thoughts (conscious or just below the threshold) through a day or from a couple of hours before bed.

- Although I didn't realise it until writing out this DJ entry, I feel like the part of the dream about the maid was a spin on the lusty maid story cliche, something that consciously doesn't attract me very much. The irony here is that the maid that in the dream was ill, was someone who I did feel attracted to when I was a teenager and the maid in the dream had some resemblance to her.

- I did feel some sort of sadness when I learned that mom's former maid was unwell, especially because of the feeling of it being something similar to what I have.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-12-11 Biblical surgery and alien eviction leads through death to a search for stronger communication with my stomach, realised through talking to a white horse/camel.

This entry will be written in Danish as I intend to use it in therapy.

Drømmen starter med at jeg ser et opslag på Facebook. Dette er et som Casper Møller har delt og er et billede og en tekst af 1:1 revelations (kan ikke huske navnet) med en mand der ligger på en mellemting mellem en sarkofag og et operationsbord. Det har en meget stærkt tema om Lucifer, hans fald og periodiske genopstandelse før Jesus vender tilbage. Billedet er også en video og jeg klikker på den og en stemme går i gang med at læse teksten op.

Mens teksten læses op suges jeg ind I scenariet. Jeg bliver til en dæmonisk skikkelse, der ligner en klassisk grå alien fra diverse film. Det er mig der opererer på manden der ligger på bordet. Der er en forholdsvis ondskabsfuld stemning, som dog skifter I løbet af forløbet. På en eller anden måde stopper den her alien/jeg op og får ændret situationen og gennemfører ikke operationen. Faktisk kommer en anden alien ind I billedet og ser ud til at glæde sig til at deltage, men den første begynder at slå sig selv I stykker og på grund af et eller andet han har lavet på operationsbordet betyder det at den nye tilkommer også begynder at gå I stykker.

Dette får dem begge til at flygte. De flygter ud af lange og smukke gange, der er rødlige og har et royalt udseende, og mens de flygter ses der billeder af maget muskuløse mænd og kentauere der bliver vækket – på en eller anden måde med fornyet gejst på grund af rumvæsnernes flugt – og jager rumvæsnerne ud.

Scenariet skifter hurtigt til at se paladset udenfor. Det virker til at finde sted på en anden planet, men det er lyst og det ser meget æstetisk og majestætisk ud. Ud fra det sted hvor den lange gang ville være kommer nu et gylden sfærisk fartøj, som er rumvæsnernes. Det beskyder byen under det med nogle gyldne laser stråler, men besvares så rigeligt af byens blå laser stråler og forsvinder til sidst.

Der skippes.

Jeg ligger udenfor ved en svømmepøl, jeg ved blot at jeg ligger og der er en fornemmelse af at ting “stopper”. Dette finder sted et par gange. Vejret er grålig og det virker til at det trækker op til regn, selvom det har en sydlandsk feriestemning over sig. Der sidder fire mennesker foran mig, hvor en af dem er min mor. Muligvis min kusine, min far og en fjerde ubekendt. Min mor fortæller.

“Nåh, han er i gang med hans døds-process” og insinuerer at det bare skal have lov til at fortsætte.

Jeg er meget forvirret hver gang jeg vågner og det er svært helt at beskrive hvad der sker. Min bevidsthed fortætter ligesom og jeg føler mig stadig som mig selv, men det er som om der er noget der stopper og som om at det hele stivner til og jeg falder ind I mig selv.

Da det er ved at være overstået vender min mor sig imod mig og krammer mig, på en kvælende og klam måde, som gør at jeg bliver nødt til at skubbe hende væk. Hun spørger mig: “Du gennemgik din døds-process, det var meget spændende, hvor mange gange døde du?” hvortil jeg svarer “Det ved jeg ikke helt, måske 3-5”.

Da jeg svarer dette er vi nu indenfor I et hotel, med et meget ru gulv med små sten der har en gummiagtig karakter at gå på. Det hele er meget blåligt og jeg siger. “Jeg ved ikke helt hvor jeg er, det er enormt forvirrende det hele, det eneste jeg kan se er at jeg er I et blåt hotel, jeg aner ikke hvorfor eller hvor lang tid vi har været her.” Jeg kan ikke huske om min mor rent faktisk spørger mig om jeg kan huske mit værelsesnummer, men jeg siger I hvert fald “jeg bor på værelse 422”, hvortil min søster og mor griner en smule og en af dem siger: “Nej du bor på værelse 527”.

Jeg føler mig ikke stødt over deres latter, men finder en trappe jeg kan gå op af der kan tage mig til mit værelse. Den første trappe går ikke højt nok op, mens den anden faktisk går højt nok op og også indikerer at mit værelse ligger lige rundt om hjørnet. Problemet er blot at der er en glasplade der fungerer som et bord lige overfor trappen I hjørnet der blokkerer, eller I det mindste gør det enormt besværligt og måske endda lidt farligt, min vej. Endvidere når jeg kigger hen til venstre I retningen af mit værelse kan jeg se at vejen er spæret af en glasdør og bagved dem står der nogle lamper der indikerer at den vej er brugt som et hyggehjørne og vil gøre det hele endnu mere besværligt. Så jeg vælger i stedet at gå ned igen.

Jeg går udenfor og har min madras med som jeg normalt sover på. Den skal børstes af og det går op for mig at der er nogle eller en person(er) der ofte går over den og efterlader en masse sand på den, så den skal rystes. Jeg kan også mærke en smule irritation omkring det, men ved ikke helt hvem det er.

Herefter skifter scenen til at jeg nu ligger på min madras på mit værelse I hovedgård, som det ser ud. Kaiseren – eller I hvert fald en mørk skikkelse med hans energi – kommer ind og giver mig en dåse danskvand. Jeg åbner den og begynder ivrigt at drikke da jeg er super tørstig. Kaiseren siger “Pas på med at drikke for meget, det kan være giftigt”. Jeg drikker – lidt trodsigt – halvdelen af dåsen hurtigt, og sætter den fra mig og siger “Det gør ikke noget det gør ikke noget for mig det her” og kan mærke at jeg stadig er ekstremt tørstig og tør om munden.

Jeg hopper ud af sengen og går ud af en dør og befinder mig nu I en baggård. Der er en have-lignende stemning, det er lidt mørkt og der står en palme I midten af græsset. En ældre kvinde med kort krøllet gråt hår og store runde briller – mens jeg skriver dette kommer en tredje association ind – som minder om min Moster og Kirsten, min terapeut, men også en klient jeg har – Lotte.

Hun siger “Dennis du bliver nødt til at forbinde dig med din mave, den kan nok være lidt svær at komme I kontakt med fordi du putter så meget lort I den.” Jeg svarer: “Jamen det lyder mega fedt, jeg vil vildt gerne I mere kontakt med min mave” og tænker straks på de nylige spændinger, smerter og ukendte emotionelle påvirkninger jeg har oplevet.

Jeg begynder at blive lucid her da jeg begynder at kalde “Mave! Mave!” hvor den kvindelige figur stopper op og siger: “Du skal følge vinden, hvis du vil finde hvad du søger”. Hun får implicit fortalt at jeg blot skal finde den retning hvor der er direkte modvind hvis jeg vil etablere kontakt til min mave igen.

Jeg er vildt begejstret for dette trick og kan mærke at jeg kan bruge det I fremtidige drømme også. Jeg drejer mig rundt – imod uret – og finder ud af at der hvor vinden blæser mig lige I fjæset er der en lille sti imellem to bygninger der leder ud til vejen. Jeg begynder at gå derhen og ser en strandpromenade, som minder om den jeg har været på så mange gange I Thailand, og mens jeg går råber jeg “Mave!” gentagen.

Jeg ser en Raptor gå forbi udenfor og bliver en smule skeptisk. Jeg snupper en kort pause og fortsætter så. Nu kommer jeg ud og kan se ned på vejen – jer er pludselig I et hotelværelse – og der går en masse spændende mennesker, dyr og andre objekter jeg kunne interagere med dernede.

Jeg råber igen “Mave!” og ser til venstre, hvor der går en T-Rex, som jeg jo har historie med, og træder et skridt tilbage. Jeg står nu I et relativt lille og mørkt hotelværelse, foran vinduet der er firkantet og med klart sol lys skinnende igennem. Jeg beslutter mig for at hvis det er T-Rexen jeg skal snakke med for at komme I kontakt med min mave, så må det være sådan det er u-anset hvor bange jeg måtte være for det.

Så jeg træder ud på taget og ser pludselig at der er længere ned end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg bliver lidt bange for bare at hoppe ud I det, så sætter mig ned I lotus stilling indtil jeg begynder at svæve ned. Jeg kan mærke på vej derned at der er lidt meget fart på, det er nok til at hjertet lige slår et ekstra slag uden jeg er bange for at slå mig. Dog fornemmer jeg at jeg har mistet overblikket så meget at den vej jeg gerne ville ned på med de mange dyr og mennesker ikke vil være der, fordi jeg har mistet mit fokus. Jeg tænker dog også at det ikke vil gøre noget.

Da jeg endelig lander ser jeg at den vej jeg var på er væk. Den jeg står på er mindre befærdet og det er pludselig blevet nat, men det er faktisk stadig den samme strandpromenade. Jeg tænker at de nok skal gå og råber igen “Mave!” og spinner mellem 270 og 360 grader rundt om mig selv imod urets retning.

Her ser jeg en stor hvid hingst komme løbende og mens jeg råber “Mave!” begynder den at ride hen imod mig. Jeg spørger den om den er min mave og I det jeg gør det bliver den til en hvid kamel, med tre pukler, hvor den forreste af de 3 er delt I 2, selvom det ser sundt og raskt ud, som om den egentlig blot bærer en genetisk mutation der giver den denne tredje to-delte pukkel.

Den svarer at den er min mave og jeg knæler for den, hvilket den svarer med at lægge dens venstre hov på mit tredje øje. Derefter skifter den til at blive en venlig og varm 44-årig mand, med kort gråt hår. Jeg spørger “Hvad skal jeg gøre for at komme I bedre kontakt med dig” og han svarer “Din mormor kom til at trykke en lille knogle I stykker hernede (inde I højre hofteskål, hvor psoas løber) da du var 3 år gammel, det var ikke med vilje, men det kan man også se på billeder.” Der er en implicit besked der handler om at denne skade/traume ikke har været kendt og at noget kropsterapi kan have forværret det, men også at der ligger noget derfra der stadig rumsterer. Jeg svarer “Ah, jamen jeg har jo også fået scannet indersiden af mine hofter, så der vil man kunne se det?” han svarer “Jaaa, jooo.” med en tudelig intonering om at det ikke er helt rigtigt, men at det heller ikke er helt ved siden af.

Drømmen Ender og jeg vågner med en meget rolig, afslappet og rar fornemmelse I kroppen. Det var tidligt, men jeg stod op og fik mediteret med min mave som fokus, fik lavet yoga, danset og TRE og fik mig noget morgenmad og følte mig godt tilpas.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

I am on the top of a tower with my girlfriend's best friend. It's kind of like Sauron's tower in Lord of the Rings, except it's not dark and scary around here. It's bright and sunny and beautiful, except it's supposed to be midnight. We reason that it's due to time zones, but a few moments later I'm questioning it again. It looks like mid-afternoon but it's supposed to be midnight. Then it clicks. I look at J. I say, "You know why we can't figure this out? It's because we're dreaming." I shake his shoulders for emphasis. But I don't get lucid. Everything seems so deceptively real. When I shut my eyes and scrunch them and focus on waking up, I can't fathom how any of this could be a dream.

But then another few moments pass. I can feel the dream slipping, like I'm on the verge of waking up. So then I say, "Wake up."

I wake up in the bed of another dream. I'm still not lucid, but I know it's a dream. I'm in what was my younger sister's bedroom of my mom's house. A dream sign missed.

I leave and go exploring. I have to go to some high school graduation of an all-boy's school.

On the way there, we run into some bosses that remind me of the difficult bosses from FFVII. I tell my gf and her friend that we have to save our progress before fighting them, because they are in an inconvenient spot of the game and losing would keep us trapped here and unable to level up. We fight them. I'm unsure if we beat them, but we get passed them.

I need surgery on my stomach. Then I'm on a surgeon's table. They only give me a local anasthetic. I watch the doctor take a blade specifically for cutting humans. I see the blade approaching me from his perspective, but then I look away because I don't want to see. Cut to after the surgery. I get incredibly nauseous and my fever spikes. The nurses ask me if I'd eaten anything before the surgery. I remember eating breakfast. I should have known. I tell them I didn't know I wasn't supposed to eat.

The doctor prescribes me a huge bag of orange vicodin. I am afraid of becoming addicted, and also of my gf finding out and freaking out about it. I'm not in any pain, but I do feel like my insides are not what they used to be. It is very uncomfortable. I leave and go to the high school graduation.

I'm sitting in the bleachers of this small schoolyard. The valedictorian and his best friend are leading the event. They have so much energy and look so bright and happy. The best friend looks like a younger BM. The valedictorian is small and in shape. I reflect on being younger, and that it's strange how quickly that youth seems far away.

After the graduation, someone fights me. I'm still weak from the surgery. They flip me over and stomp on my stomach. I curl up and cry, I can't believe they would do that. K comes to me and I ask her if I can take some pain medication. I show her the bag and she freaks out at how much the doctor gave me. That shouldn't be allowed. One of the women in the schoolyard looks hungrily at the bag, and salivates while doing so. I take the bag back and hide it on my person.

1) It feels like Victorian times. I'm stitching up a corpse ready for burial doing a complicated suture up the chest. I'm in an old stone building. At one point a woman is watching me, she's been watching me for a while so I follow her and eventually see her face, I'm satisfied that she is nothing to worry about as she disappears through a door. I'm back to sewing up the corpse - I certified him dead, but then I see his face move and realise I got it wrong and he is actually still alive.
From here the dream becomes a nightmare. The corpse vanishes and I feel an evil presence behind me as if he has come back from the dead and start to feel very afraid. I tell myself it's a nightmare and that I have to face it (I'm not lucid but some sort of memory about facing your fears in a dream) and it's not real. Then I wake up. AT LAST A HINT OF LUCIDITY?!?!

2) I knock a pint of beer onto myself whilst seated at a table. My immediate thought is 'who did that?' then I realise it was myself. Then I have walked to a different location and I find myself talking to a woman about the spilt drink as if her child had spilt it over me and saying it's ok. Looking behind her I see a glass screen and realise that we are at a holiday camp and I tell her that we aren't here this year but have booked to come for a whole week next year.

3) Another dream - I woke up after and remembered it well but didn't write any reminders down! All forgotten now.

4) I'm in a queue with 2 female characters (?family) and we are waiting to have XRays taken. A woman is stood at a desk checking us in, collecting valuables and shoes. Eventually it's my turn. I ask her if I need to hand in my watch and she decides that I should so I give her my watch and shoes. She calls a doctor, we go together to a really bright airy carpeted room. I have a pot plant with me and explain that it's not well and I thought I should get it looked at. I give him the pot plant it's covered in a plastic bag with insects all over it. He puts the pot plant on the floor and gets ready to Xray it.

5) In my old consulting room chatting to a patient. He is telling me about a good new garden centre. I find myself explaining in detail why I won't be going there because I don't work here any more. I remember looking around the room seeing a lot of detail and having a very detailed discussion.

Dug Out The Bear
I'm near a tree where a bear had been dug up. It's happy towards the policemen for saving it. I stay overnight in a tent and my dogs are there. I lose trigger due to it raining and was probably scared. Stressing out. Walk to shop. Dave gets pizza or something. Walking down blaxland and trying to find trig. I see another dog at entrance. Dads walking REX at night.

Triggers Surgery
I'm outside in the backyard of my old house. Trigger is about to get operated on by a female surgeon. She inserts the long needle into his neck which will soon put him asleep. I pat trigger as he gets drowsy and drowsier. The surgeon slices trigger down the stomach. It sicks me out and I expect to smell something rotten, but I don't. The surgeon slices me from the armpit down to the bottom of my rib cage. I don't feel any pain as I walk around a little. I worry that maybe an organ will fall out if I'm not careful. I start to think that maybe trigger will die in surgery, due to his age.

11/2

I'm crying to my ex's mom. She's being uncharacteristically nice to me. My ex was in an accident that melted his eyes and he was now blind. An image comes up of an almost piece of pottery with a face. It looks melted and the eyes are hollow. I'm telling his mom how much I love him. Cut scene, and now I see that that was a dream. My ex is okay, but had a vastectomy. The word appears on a piece of paper like in a notepad.

11/4 nap

I'm in my kitchen with my ex. He's sitting at the counter. We're both dressed nicely. I know we're not together as a couple. He's talking about a surgery and having his bladder removed. I want to hug him and comfort him, but I refrain.

(Can someone help me interpret these please? I just broke up with him about a month ago. We were together a year and 4 months. I have no conscious regrets over the break up.)

Dream - Lucid

I was at the house I grew up in by myself. I went into the dining room, where I was apparently cooking something on the table. I noticed that there was a puzzle on the table next to whatever I was cooking, and it was on fire. There were other things on fire as well. I froze, trying to figure out what to do. I decided to just pour water on it. I did, and it put the fire out. I examined the puzzle pieces on the table to see if they looked burnt, but they didn't; they looked completely untouched. Upon further examination, I thought I saw some small black spots on the pieces that had been burning, but I may have been looking too hard.

I was telling someone about the fire, saying that my cat had also caught on fire (I don't remember this happening in the first part but I remembered it as I was talking on the phone as if it did actually occur, if that makes sense). I believe I was on the phone. I told them that I had poured water on the flames to douse them.

~

I was working at the bakery, but it wasn't anything like the bakery IWL. It actually looked more like a food court place at a college that I worked at very briefly. Cherie' was working there with me. We were there at night closing. We were cleaning the floors.

There was a point where I was on a computer, filling out this thing to send my friends free socks. I could pick the color and everything. For one of the pairs I sent, I picked a muted teal color. I sent some to a guy I knew in college named Mason. I also sent some to my mom and Jeremiah. I "remembered" my mom loving them. I finished sending them. I asked Jeremiah, who was on a computer, if he had received the socks yet. I don't remember his answer. I hoped that everyone liked the socks.

~

I went back into the coffee shop, because apparently, I was switching jobs again. I think I had already gotten hired. I was there to talk to the managers. I went inside, and it looked so much different than IWL. It was more long-ways, with a back counter that was also quite long. The floors, walls, and ceilings were dark-colored. It was quite busy. I was sitting at a table close to the counter. I then got up and for some reason, a lady that was sitting by the wall started to spout off her order to me. She wanted an Italian sandwich, and she was also telling me about how much meat she wanted on it or something. She asked what breads were good, but she used a different wording. I told her we had white and wheat, but I really liked the Italian 5-grain. I don't remember which bread she got, but I got up and went behind the counter. I had no idea how to fill her order. Why had I even taken it?

One of the managers, a middle-aged man with dark hair and a dark beard, then came up to me. He seemed super fake-friendly to me. I told him I had worked there when the previous owners owned it, and it was like he didn't even hear what I said. He completely ignored me and started talking. He was talking slowly and looking away from me as he talked. We started to walk back to a back office. At some point, I met his wife who also owned the shop now.

We were then back out in the cafe', and I was sitting down at the same table again. The guy and his wife were both there now. I wondered if this was an interview, or if I already had the job; I couldn't remember. I also wondered if that woman had ever gotten her sandwich. She was still there at any rate. I imagined that she had probably complained. I then again told the guy that I had been there when the shop first opened, and I was there for four years. He said
"Oh really?" He really didn't seem that interested.
I then asked him what hours I would work, if I would open or close. He said I'd mainly be closing. I told him I didn't really like closing, but I preferred mornings. I then asked him what their operating hours were, and he said 7am-11pm. Ugh, closing that late? Really? Eff that.

I then was getting up to leave, and I had my doubts about them hiring me. They really didn't seem too interested in me, and I had made that comment about closing.

I was then walking somewhere in a back alley with Dallas. I was really pissed about the owners being such arrogant dicks.
"What a faggot!" I said very angrily as we walking. I threw something down on the ground. (IWL I don't ever use the word "faggot". It's interesting that I chose it here.)
"You'll just have to get another job," said Dallas. He handed me a paper restaurant cup of soda. I threw that on the ground, and it was very satisfying for some reason; it hit the ground just the right way and made just the right noise. I said again
"What a faggot!" I was really pissed.

I woke up from this dream kind of confused. I didn't open my eyes, but kept them closed as I thought about why I would quit my bakery job because I love it. I didn't want to work at the coffee shop again. After a little bit, I started to realize that I had been dreaming, and that wasn't really what was happening. I felt immensely relieved.

~

I was supposed to start work at that coffee shop, but for some reason, I had to get surgery on my lower back first. It had something to do with being inside this weird, cylindrical room with some big metal pole inside of it. It was some kind of mixer or something? I'm honestly not sure, but to operate it, I had to get something in my lower back fixed.

I was then in the cylindrical room, holding onto the metal pole. There was something on the bottom of the pole, some kind of platform or something, that I was standing on. It started to go up. I was quite close to the wall, and hoped that I didn't get squished or hurt.

I then decided not to get the surgery. Why bother? I didn't really want that job anyway. The airport called me and I cancelled my flight to Switzerland, which was apparently where I would have to get the surgery. I still wanted the meds though; they had already written me a prescription for three types of meds, one being a pain killer. Mk went to pick them up for me. She texted me something about them as she was doing so, asking me a question about them so she made sure she got the right things.

I then received a phone call. I looked at my phone, and it was from a country called "Nigiri". I knew that was where my connecting flight was supposed to be. I answered, and the guy on the other line had a very thick accent. He was trying to confirm my flight, which was boarding at that time, and I told him I had cancelled it. He had me hold on for a second, then he told me that it would be a $15 cancellation fee. I told him that I had cancelled the other flight earlier, and I had gotten no such fee. I don't think we said anything else.

I then was talking to Mk via text again. She was asking me which dog breed she should pick out. She gave me two options. I picked one, and then she came in with two dachsunds that were mixed with some other breed. I was playing with them and hugging them. They were so cute and fun!

I then was driving to the liquor store. It was a Sunday afternoon (liquor stores are closed here on Sundays IWL), and the parking lot was packed full. I had to drive around to the side to find a place to park. I figured it was the after-church crowd.

I am hired for a temporary janitor position at the college where I was a janitor for a year in the past. Hired onto my old crew, only a couple people have stuck around, the rest are really brand new to janitor work. One new guy is showing me the ropes, even though I know more than he does. Not being one to over-talk people, I am unable to let them know that I actually know what I'm doing, and have spent more time cleaning this exact building than all of them have combined....

We all get ready to head off to our particular areas, and I show one of the guys where I usually park my bicycle so he has a safe place for his as well. I remember my friend who got his bike stolen during his work shift, and have since found a better spot to park it. I have him follow me up the elevator in A wing. I get off on the wrong floor, and have to get on another elevator. This time, people are getting off, and some other people want to get on and go down instead of up, so I get back out and board the elevator across the room instead. Reaching the top floor, we cross a big bridge to C Wing, and I realize it would've been easier to just enter C Wing from outside instead of our approach. Too late now though.

There is a secret elevator that only maintenance workers and janitors have access to with our special keys that takes you to a remote mechanical room in the center of the building - perfectly safe place to lock a bike! I forgot to grab my set of keys, so instead, I go to a balcony that is rather exposed and uncomfortable for potential thieves to do their work. There is an elevator that leads down the the balcony. I wait for it, as my co-worker takes the stairs and then a ramp down to the balcony. I get on the elevator, this one is just a platform, open sides, like a lift in a factory or something, and ride it down 6 ft to the balcony where I lock my bike.

I think I'll need my set of janitor-keys, so I start to walk back toward the supervisor's office. Suddenly she is right in front of me, and hands me my set of keys! She also gives me a paper with a list of what tasks I have to do for that day. It's impossibly long, but I'm feeling confident. Some of the other janitors on my crew are nearby, and ask what I have to do on my sheet. I start to unfold it again, but before I can get a good look at it, an 18 Wheeler Grocery delivery driver turns the corner, panicked because he's lost. He looks really beaten up, lots of black and blues on his face, and some cuts and scrapes all over. A black eye too! I point the way back to his truck, and then suggest that he probably does MMA fighting like the other guy I know, and I wouldn't mess with those guys. It sounds fun, but I've never done it.

I start to float around through the air, and fly down a hallway at walking speed, back to the top of C-Wing near where my bike is parked. There is a party up on top, lots of loud music and people drinking unknown beverages. Police are there too, but don't seem to care about the loud music or anything. I turn down a few drinks, and avoid the police just out of habit. They are super offended that I am not drinking with them. I realize that my facebook profile makes it look like I drink, so I adjust my details from my phone, giving their drinking party a personal rating of 2/5 for me. I think that's a bit harsh, so I change it to 3/5. Somehow, they get notified that I rated them 3/5 and get even more upset at me. I try to explain why I did that, and don't do drugs. They just storm off, not hearing a word I say.

I walk toward my bicycle to make sure it is locked, and instead of finding my bicycle, I find an operating room, white walls, white floor, white ceiling, and a patient with some serious tubing coming out of his arm from his heart. He is a clone, about to be killed to have his organs harvested because the person he was cloned from needed an organ transplant. Also, someone needs his blood urgently. He looks like he's already dead, just on artificial breathing, with machines pumping blood around to keep the organs fresh for the next few minutes. I feel like I'm a clone too, waiting to be harvested for the person I'm cloned from. Well, "nothing to lose then". I pull one of the tubes out of him, and blood starts squirting out of it. For some reason, I have to really get a lot of blood. I don't know how I know this. So I pull the next tube, and more blood comes out. The surgeons start shouting at me as I pull the whole apparatus out of the guy's arm and a deluge of blood rushes out like a fire hose. Kinda gross... Before he loses all his blood, he is re-cloned. This clone of the clone sees me doing this, and gets really pissed off, and throws random surgical equipment at me in a rage. One of the other people I'm with is spontaneously cloned as well, and both of them start to chase me. Since I'm a clone, I know this isn't real, which means I have telekinesis.

I run away from them, not really concerned about any of this because it's not real. I use my telekinesis to pull debris and sharp objects into their path as I run down a metal bridge connecting two tall buildings as I pass through this void type area, surrounded by darkness except for the bridge, myself, and my pursuers. Some more people appear on the other side of the bridge and they surround me. Just as Neo would do in the Matrix, I use telekinesis to stop space and time around me, rendering everyone harmless and ridiculously slow. As I do this, the clone of the guy I was bloodletting comes to understand me, and there is peace between us. Immediately, there is also peace between the others who were attacking me as well, and it seems all conflicts have been resolved.

I had two dreams last night. In the first I was Joseph Stalin, talking to Khrushchev about how he will have to be more communist after he succeeds me. I was in my (not Stalin's) house, and Khrushchev was in the hallway next to the computer room. I went to go grab a red star-shaped pin with a sickle and hammer from a box in the living room. Most of the pins in the box were a gold colored castle or something similar, but I found three of the star ones. I gave one to Khrushchev and I gave him a red short-sleeved shirt with a white sickle and hammer on the left breast. I had found three of these shirts, and two of them had something on the back directly across from the sickle and hammer. One had an emblem that said "Christians concerned about communism" or something like that. It had a cross in the middle of a lot of lines outlining a circle with a thin crescent near the bottom.

In the second dream I was in surgery. I was in a small room with about three doctors there. They wore blue clothes and masks like usual. I was wearing a paper gown. My dad was in a corner reading a magazine. They gave me some anesthesia, and dad asked if I could hear him. The anesthesia started to work, but then it subsided. It was an uncomfortable feeling, like something is gently pulling you up while you are going numb, but you don't want to go up. Because it wore off, they had to give me a stronger type before they started surgery. I had the same feeling, except that it didn't subside. As it got stronger I woke up.

Date: October 2, 2013
Method: MILD & WBTB (Attempted WILD, but fell asleep, too exhausted. STILL working on my research paper from hell!)
Total sleep: Just 5 hours

COPIED FROM DREAM JOURNAL

Dream

Found myself in surgery with a Doctor and we were about to perform surgery on a low birth weight and premature baby (I believe this came from reading the TOTM of performing surgery on yourself). I was really nervous because it had been awhile since I had to work in the surgery department (in RL, I used to work with premature babies and I would have to assist with surgery), but the doctor was very pleased with me. After the surgery, the doctor came back to the unit and asked how the baby was doing. I told the doctor that the baby was off of oxygen and remarkably is not low birth weight and premature anymore and had gained all of the required weight to go home. (Yes...all in one day! Hooray for the baby! ).

Dream

I dream that I was watching the news and a report came on stating Gladys Knight (the singer from Gladys Knight and the Pips) had just died. The news report also stated that she was 62 years old and died of Cancer (I am not sure, but I think it was throat Cancer). I really don't want this to be true....

(This is from September 23rd, yesterday.)

There was some kind of gathering for a Christmas pageant. It was in the middle of the desert and surrounded by a chain link fence, so I climbed the fence and jumped over to join in the Christmas festivities. There was a stage with a bunch of people practicing a nativity play, and they were singing Christmas carols. I wanted to be in the play to play one of the angels, but then I heard the director say that the play would involve a daily commitment, and I knew I couldn't come every day since I technically didn't even belong here. I walked among the crowd of people around the stage, the actors singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" and I sung along with them as did most of the crowd. After a while I remembered that I had a huge collection of reindeer hats and I wondered if I could sell them there, so I put one on my head. But as I was adjusting it, someone on a megaphone said they were going to have a contest where you had to tackle the guy in the antlers to win a prize. I immediately took off my reindeer hat because I didn't want to be mistaken for the guy they were supposed to tackle. A person came up to me and said they were having problems finding parking spaces for all the cars coming to the pageant, and he asked if I could help out by putting down markers showing each parking spot. I climbed back over the fence and started putting down markers, and every time I put down a marker, a car would appear out of nowhere and park there immediately.

I was in this camp, it was sort of like a colony, there were booths set up all along the bare dirt ground and festive-looking gypsy caravans around. All the people in the colony were seamstresses and tailor, and they all had different "animal attributes". Like there were people who were cat-people, who had cat ears and a tail and claws, and there were rabbit-people who had the fluffy bunny tail and bunny ears, etc. I was a cat-person and a novice seamstress. There was a celebration going on, and we pulled out a giant dragon pinata the size of a car, and everyone hit it with sticks until it exploded. But instead of candy, little miniature versions of clothes spilled out. They were like doll clothes, but we used mini clothes as sort of patterns to make actual clothes, so they were very valuable. Everyone got down and collected some loot, I remember picking up a mini plaid shirt and a weird pair of pants that had one leg a long jeans leg, and one leg a short-shorts leg. I thought it was very odd so I showed it to people saying "Look at these weird pants I found!" but none of them seemed interested. As I was scouring the ground, I saw a piece of paper that had about ten pairs of mini-pants glued to it, and I knew that wasn't part of the loot, it was a part of someone's portfolio. So I picked it up and I went over to a friend of mine, who was a rabbit-person with shoulder-length dark hair and glasses, and asked her if she knew who it belonged to. She took it and looked at it, and said it belonged to another person whose name was Kat, and was a cat-person like me who had grey cat ears and grey hair, and looked very anorexic. She gave me the paper back and I took it over to Kat. However, when I gave it to her, we both noticed it wasn't the same pants I'd found on the ground, it was a paper with a couple dresses on it! We realized my rabbit-friend had stolen her pants designs and switched them with some old dress designs. Kat was super pissed off but didn't want to confront her, so she stormed over to my friend's caravan tent, which was bigger than everyone else's and looked more like a two story house. She said she was going to climb up the side and through the window to see if her designs were in there, proving my friend stole them. I didn't want any fights to break out, so I whined and begged her not to break into the tent and said we could all work this out civilly. Kat would not listen and climbed up the side. I ran over to my rabbit-friend and told her Kat was going into her home to find the designs, but she didn't seem to care. I urgently told her she could easily run into her home from the front and beat Kat into the house, but she seemed to want Kat to find the designs. I think they had some kind of beef with each other and were just looking for a reason to fight.

A dream involving Bill Nye but I can't remember what it was about. I think he was yelling at me about something.

Yosemite Sam said he could stop my seizures by operating on my brain, and for some reason I thought that was a great idea so I got onto the operating table. He gave me anesthesia but not enough to knock me out completely, so I was still conscious and talking while he cut my head open I just couldn't feel anything. I heard the sounds of drilling and the vibrations, and then I saw him pull out a piece of my brain, it was like a little sphere of brain matter and reminded me of the Brain Surgeon from Dexter. He even put it in a little jar just like it. But I was really happy thinking I would never have seizures again, and then he sewed my skullcap back on and told me not to move my head around too quickly or the stitches would fall out.

(This is from August 28.)

I was walking through a big room that was full of Egyptian jars that held old scrolls. The jars were all shaped like scrolls and had heads of the gods as lids like the canopic jars. The room was semi-outdoors and had a roof open to the sky. Afiel and I walked through the room and marveled over the different scrolls. I remember the first thing I said when I saw the room was "Look at all these scrolls!" We walked through a door to another open-air room. This one had stone paths and lots of plants so it was more like a greenhouse. However, there were also scrolls all around the room here, but the scrolls were all unrolled so we could see what was on them, and there were also old books opened up and scattered among the greenery. As Afiel looked around, I stopped in front of an old biblical scroll, I think it was excerpts from the Book of Enoch. I remember seeing a verse on the scroll that mentioned angels somehow, and I felt really sad and ran my fingers over the verse. I can't remember what the verse said though.

I had an embarrassing tape of myself that was worth a lot of money, so I destroyed it because I didn't want it stolen. Later on, I found out that my grandma had made a copy of it and was going to sell it. She was staying in a big hotel in town, and found out that I knew about the tape, so I was racing against her to reach her hotel room, and the tape, before she did. I jumped into an elevator and went up. Her room was on the 35th floor so I had to get there. For some reason the elevator wouldn't go that high, so I had to get off on an earlier floor and onto a different elevator. The other one was a little weird, I walked onto it and the floor was covered in gym equipment. Mostly barbells that were taken apart so the weights were scattered on the floor and the bars themselves were rolling around everywhere. The floor was also ridged so the bars would fall into the ridges and get stuck there. The elevator stopped and a man with a big brown dog got on. The dog was super vicious and growled at me, so I grabbed a barbell bar and waved it at the dog all menacingly and he whimpered and avoided me. I finally reached the 35th floor and ran to grandma's room, only to find that she was already there when I opened the door. Then I blacked out for some reason, I think there was some kind of accident, but when I woke up I was sitting on the bed with a surgeon who was operating on my brain. My face was unhinged like a door or a robot face, and the surgeon was working on my brain from the big hole where my face usually goes. I was all annoyed and telling the surgeon what to do, but all he did was take my brain out and then reattach it inside my skull by tying a single felt thread to it and then tying the thread to the top inside of my scalp. I remember it stinging as he threaded the needle through my scalp. As I'm walking around after the "surgery", I can feel my brain swinging around in my skull, hitting the sides and such, and I get super annoyed by it. I went back to the surgeon and complained about it, hoping he'd reattach my brain to my spinal cord instead, but he just took another felt string and attached it to my scalp with two strings instead of one for "added stability". I was annoyed by that too, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be rude.

At in-laws' house. Mum was having a bath in the laundry sink, while my wife and I watched TV. Small children playing on the floor. I was playing with one of them for a while, while I waited for Mum to come out of surgery. Child became upset so I handed her to my father-in-law who had just arrived home from a road trip.

Very brief dream, still aware of waking self. There was a person who, through sorcery or misfortune, had got the face of a pig. I proceeded with a face transplant for the patient, but awoke before being able to attach the new face. Surgery was going very well, and the removal was smooth and complete.

Face Transplant

A guy was talking to a doc thinking he was in private. It was a futuristic doctors office with clear walls, but it was sound proof. The only thing was, the room had a recording device in it, and everything this patient would say was transmitted through every other room.

At first, I don't know what the patient was in for. The patient was explaining why something should be a certain way and he was a genius telling the doc all these details about the company. The details were important because it was his support for whatever he was explaining.

The doc was smiling because he knew the patient was a genius, and it was a joy to listen to such a sharp mind think. The guy was rattling off support for his argument with information few people would know. The facts he was rattling off were bullshit like water being poured into different glasses and some such, but in the dream it was really good support for his argument.

During the patients explanation, I saw a doc or a michine sewing up a cube of a blue sticky substance. It was as though it had been injured and a futuristic sewing job was taking place. Three needles came down and went just belowe the surface of this substance. the needles were guided buy a lazer or something.

Now the patient in this one docs room is talking to the doc about getting a face transplant. He had already had one transplant to get a nice face. Now he wanted his old face even though it was the ugliest face in the world. The reason is what he was explaining to the doc the whole time.

The company was part his. There was some new technology, but with his new face, the partners wouldn't pay him. It was as though he was someone else. His 2nd surgery would put him back into his old face with hair like an old American aristocrat wig.

It was supposed to be bad that everyone could hear what the patient was saying, but as he told of his plan to have the transplant, it became unimportant because nobody could trick him out of the money from his invention.

Google Lightning

I was sitting in a job interview with another guy. We were waiting to be interviewed, but the other guy was being told he could go home and wasn't going to get the job. He may have already had his interview.

This other guy started making square bowl type shapes out of aluminum foil which he adhered to a protuberance on the ceiling. He put the foil over very particular spots which he said would short something out.

He explained there was a wet screw on the roof that would draw lightning, and when the lightning struck, the electricity would be drawn down to the foil bowls and short out something in the company which had something to do with Google.

Someone was going to fix the problem as it was on the roof, but all of a sudden it was me up on the roof trying to fix the problem. I saw a pole on a wet flooded roof and it was secured some weird way or something. I had to knock it over to disconnect the metal, but I said Fuck THAT as the roof was flooded, and I was standing in it in a lightning storm.

I ran away off the building, and now I'm with a couple friends M. S. and someone else having drinks and smoking some stuff. At first I was only drinking. M. and some girl were smoking like crazy. I decided to take a hit (which I don't do iwl). I took a pipe which was basically melting. I had to hit this pipe where as I hit it, heating it up, the pipe melted and I got this molten ceramic in my mouth. It didn't even have the intended effect, but it was cool to dream.

Then we were in a bar of sorts. Some stuff happened, we left, and then I realized I was missing my wallet. I told a friend who was now a fictitious person. I told him what happened and he said, Do you know how to roll?" He meant how to run away and deal with people shooting at me. I told him yes. He said to go with him, so I did.

We were going to go back into the bar and find out who had my wallet. As we went back to the bar, we went through an elaborate slide. It was like tubes in a water park, except they were metal and there was no water. At some points it was just a flat surface. There were two black guys shooting at each other and we had to avoid their bullets.

Once we got past them, we were outside. Now one of those guys was shooting at us. Batman was with me now. He shot a web like Spiderman, except that it was a slide that came from his wrist. I thought it was ridiculous that he would be able to produces this slide, but since I had to get away from the shooter, I followed his lead and jumped on.

The slide was made out of recycled rubber chips. It was gray, and water was flowing in it. The water helped you move on your stomach to get away from the bad guys without exposing yourself to their bullets. The way the slide was laid out, you could go different ways on the slide making it even harder for the bad guys to hit you. Around one curve there was grass growing around a curve. It was so stupid that this could come from Batmans wrist, but It all worked so well.

The End

Lightning is 5x hotter than the sun.
It is 11:09 PM.