tckukes

I am in love with this boy, its a new love and its wonderful. We are so enamored with one another but there is someone else who is in love with me and I don't know how to tell him I'm not interested. A few days go by and I decide to go out with some friends one night and I'm drugged and taken away to a sketchy neighborhood where I am raped and murdered. This is the last time I am living in my dream.

Through out the rest of this dream I am like a ghost. I watch my parents find my dead body, filled with alcohol and toxins from the night before. I watch them cry over my corpse and wonder what I had been doing. On top of the deep sadness they are feeling is a hint of disappointment because they do not realize I was drugged and taken advantage of. As I watch all of this unable to explain or communicate with them at all I am also feeling every emotion that they feel. It is agonizing.

Then I watch my parents inform everyone of my death and I see the pain they are in both from missing me and from the disgusting way in which I died and how they found me. I see my friends mourning me. Tons of heart felt post on social media and flowers and cards sent to my aching family members. Soon the word spreads and everyone knows. I watch them all find out and I feel every single thing that they feel. Unable to comfort or show them any kind of affection.

Then I see every ex boyfriend or guy that I've ever talked to or thought that I loved find out about my death. As unrealistic as this is they all become depressed. They feel bad about things they did or said to me while we were dating and I feel all these emotions as well. Then the boy I mentioned before that was in love with me but that I did not love back comes into my dream. I watch him hear the news. He is more upset than anyone and this doesn't surprise me because I know he's always been emotionally unstable. Upset and with tears in his eyes he gets into his car and begins to drive frantically throughout town. He crashes and flips off a bridge. I not only have to watch this but I feel every bit of pain as if I am the one in the car. A piece of glass from the windshield slits his throat and he dies. He then joins me in this spectator world and is excited because he thinks this means we get to be together, but dead or alive I still do not love him. I find it harder to tell him now that I am dead than it would've been to tell him alive, so I just don't say anything and kind of avoid him for a bit. I have taken myself to the place of the boy I do love and as I am watching him I realize my obsessive admirer and only other friend in this ghostly realm has been watching me. He knows of my love and he knows it is not for him. This upsets him so much he decides he is going to kill himself. Even though he is already dead. This means he will be really gone forever. I watch him do it, begging him not to. With his last breath he tells me its my fault.

Then everyone is together at my funeral and I am just like a cloud, hovering above simply watching from the sky. I hear the eulogy, watch my parents place things on my casket. I feel every emotion of everyone there. I am nearly sick from all the pain and sadness. I felt as though I was drowning in the tears, but this is not what killed me the most. What was most devastating was my inability to do anything about it. The stress from all this in my dream had caused me to breath heavily and even cry in real life while sleeping. Then I awoke, unable to go back to sleep.