Vesterguard

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-12-11 Biblical surgery and alien eviction leads through death to a search for stronger communication with my stomach, realised through talking to a white horse/camel.

This entry will be written in Danish as I intend to use it in therapy.

Drømmen starter med at jeg ser et opslag på Facebook. Dette er et som Casper Møller har delt og er et billede og en tekst af 1:1 revelations (kan ikke huske navnet) med en mand der ligger på en mellemting mellem en sarkofag og et operationsbord. Det har en meget stærkt tema om Lucifer, hans fald og periodiske genopstandelse før Jesus vender tilbage. Billedet er også en video og jeg klikker på den og en stemme går i gang med at læse teksten op.

Mens teksten læses op suges jeg ind I scenariet. Jeg bliver til en dæmonisk skikkelse, der ligner en klassisk grå alien fra diverse film. Det er mig der opererer på manden der ligger på bordet. Der er en forholdsvis ondskabsfuld stemning, som dog skifter I løbet af forløbet. På en eller anden måde stopper den her alien/jeg op og får ændret situationen og gennemfører ikke operationen. Faktisk kommer en anden alien ind I billedet og ser ud til at glæde sig til at deltage, men den første begynder at slå sig selv I stykker og på grund af et eller andet han har lavet på operationsbordet betyder det at den nye tilkommer også begynder at gå I stykker.

Dette får dem begge til at flygte. De flygter ud af lange og smukke gange, der er rødlige og har et royalt udseende, og mens de flygter ses der billeder af maget muskuløse mænd og kentauere der bliver vækket – på en eller anden måde med fornyet gejst på grund af rumvæsnernes flugt – og jager rumvæsnerne ud.

Scenariet skifter hurtigt til at se paladset udenfor. Det virker til at finde sted på en anden planet, men det er lyst og det ser meget æstetisk og majestætisk ud. Ud fra det sted hvor den lange gang ville være kommer nu et gylden sfærisk fartøj, som er rumvæsnernes. Det beskyder byen under det med nogle gyldne laser stråler, men besvares så rigeligt af byens blå laser stråler og forsvinder til sidst.

Der skippes.

Jeg ligger udenfor ved en svømmepøl, jeg ved blot at jeg ligger og der er en fornemmelse af at ting “stopper”. Dette finder sted et par gange. Vejret er grålig og det virker til at det trækker op til regn, selvom det har en sydlandsk feriestemning over sig. Der sidder fire mennesker foran mig, hvor en af dem er min mor. Muligvis min kusine, min far og en fjerde ubekendt. Min mor fortæller.

“Nåh, han er i gang med hans døds-process” og insinuerer at det bare skal have lov til at fortsætte.

Jeg er meget forvirret hver gang jeg vågner og det er svært helt at beskrive hvad der sker. Min bevidsthed fortætter ligesom og jeg føler mig stadig som mig selv, men det er som om der er noget der stopper og som om at det hele stivner til og jeg falder ind I mig selv.

Da det er ved at være overstået vender min mor sig imod mig og krammer mig, på en kvælende og klam måde, som gør at jeg bliver nødt til at skubbe hende væk. Hun spørger mig: “Du gennemgik din døds-process, det var meget spændende, hvor mange gange døde du?” hvortil jeg svarer “Det ved jeg ikke helt, måske 3-5”.

Da jeg svarer dette er vi nu indenfor I et hotel, med et meget ru gulv med små sten der har en gummiagtig karakter at gå på. Det hele er meget blåligt og jeg siger. “Jeg ved ikke helt hvor jeg er, det er enormt forvirrende det hele, det eneste jeg kan se er at jeg er I et blåt hotel, jeg aner ikke hvorfor eller hvor lang tid vi har været her.” Jeg kan ikke huske om min mor rent faktisk spørger mig om jeg kan huske mit værelsesnummer, men jeg siger I hvert fald “jeg bor på værelse 422”, hvortil min søster og mor griner en smule og en af dem siger: “Nej du bor på værelse 527”.

Jeg føler mig ikke stødt over deres latter, men finder en trappe jeg kan gå op af der kan tage mig til mit værelse. Den første trappe går ikke højt nok op, mens den anden faktisk går højt nok op og også indikerer at mit værelse ligger lige rundt om hjørnet. Problemet er blot at der er en glasplade der fungerer som et bord lige overfor trappen I hjørnet der blokkerer, eller I det mindste gør det enormt besværligt og måske endda lidt farligt, min vej. Endvidere når jeg kigger hen til venstre I retningen af mit værelse kan jeg se at vejen er spæret af en glasdør og bagved dem står der nogle lamper der indikerer at den vej er brugt som et hyggehjørne og vil gøre det hele endnu mere besværligt. Så jeg vælger i stedet at gå ned igen.

Jeg går udenfor og har min madras med som jeg normalt sover på. Den skal børstes af og det går op for mig at der er nogle eller en person(er) der ofte går over den og efterlader en masse sand på den, så den skal rystes. Jeg kan også mærke en smule irritation omkring det, men ved ikke helt hvem det er.

Herefter skifter scenen til at jeg nu ligger på min madras på mit værelse I hovedgård, som det ser ud. Kaiseren – eller I hvert fald en mørk skikkelse med hans energi – kommer ind og giver mig en dåse danskvand. Jeg åbner den og begynder ivrigt at drikke da jeg er super tørstig. Kaiseren siger “Pas på med at drikke for meget, det kan være giftigt”. Jeg drikker – lidt trodsigt – halvdelen af dåsen hurtigt, og sætter den fra mig og siger “Det gør ikke noget det gør ikke noget for mig det her” og kan mærke at jeg stadig er ekstremt tørstig og tør om munden.

Jeg hopper ud af sengen og går ud af en dør og befinder mig nu I en baggård. Der er en have-lignende stemning, det er lidt mørkt og der står en palme I midten af græsset. En ældre kvinde med kort krøllet gråt hår og store runde briller – mens jeg skriver dette kommer en tredje association ind – som minder om min Moster og Kirsten, min terapeut, men også en klient jeg har – Lotte.

Hun siger “Dennis du bliver nødt til at forbinde dig med din mave, den kan nok være lidt svær at komme I kontakt med fordi du putter så meget lort I den.” Jeg svarer: “Jamen det lyder mega fedt, jeg vil vildt gerne I mere kontakt med min mave” og tænker straks på de nylige spændinger, smerter og ukendte emotionelle påvirkninger jeg har oplevet.

Jeg begynder at blive lucid her da jeg begynder at kalde “Mave! Mave!” hvor den kvindelige figur stopper op og siger: “Du skal følge vinden, hvis du vil finde hvad du søger”. Hun får implicit fortalt at jeg blot skal finde den retning hvor der er direkte modvind hvis jeg vil etablere kontakt til min mave igen.

Jeg er vildt begejstret for dette trick og kan mærke at jeg kan bruge det I fremtidige drømme også. Jeg drejer mig rundt – imod uret – og finder ud af at der hvor vinden blæser mig lige I fjæset er der en lille sti imellem to bygninger der leder ud til vejen. Jeg begynder at gå derhen og ser en strandpromenade, som minder om den jeg har været på så mange gange I Thailand, og mens jeg går råber jeg “Mave!” gentagen.

Jeg ser en Raptor gå forbi udenfor og bliver en smule skeptisk. Jeg snupper en kort pause og fortsætter så. Nu kommer jeg ud og kan se ned på vejen – jer er pludselig I et hotelværelse – og der går en masse spændende mennesker, dyr og andre objekter jeg kunne interagere med dernede.

Jeg råber igen “Mave!” og ser til venstre, hvor der går en T-Rex, som jeg jo har historie med, og træder et skridt tilbage. Jeg står nu I et relativt lille og mørkt hotelværelse, foran vinduet der er firkantet og med klart sol lys skinnende igennem. Jeg beslutter mig for at hvis det er T-Rexen jeg skal snakke med for at komme I kontakt med min mave, så må det være sådan det er u-anset hvor bange jeg måtte være for det.

Så jeg træder ud på taget og ser pludselig at der er længere ned end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg bliver lidt bange for bare at hoppe ud I det, så sætter mig ned I lotus stilling indtil jeg begynder at svæve ned. Jeg kan mærke på vej derned at der er lidt meget fart på, det er nok til at hjertet lige slår et ekstra slag uden jeg er bange for at slå mig. Dog fornemmer jeg at jeg har mistet overblikket så meget at den vej jeg gerne ville ned på med de mange dyr og mennesker ikke vil være der, fordi jeg har mistet mit fokus. Jeg tænker dog også at det ikke vil gøre noget.

Da jeg endelig lander ser jeg at den vej jeg var på er væk. Den jeg står på er mindre befærdet og det er pludselig blevet nat, men det er faktisk stadig den samme strandpromenade. Jeg tænker at de nok skal gå og råber igen “Mave!” og spinner mellem 270 og 360 grader rundt om mig selv imod urets retning.

Her ser jeg en stor hvid hingst komme løbende og mens jeg råber “Mave!” begynder den at ride hen imod mig. Jeg spørger den om den er min mave og I det jeg gør det bliver den til en hvid kamel, med tre pukler, hvor den forreste af de 3 er delt I 2, selvom det ser sundt og raskt ud, som om den egentlig blot bærer en genetisk mutation der giver den denne tredje to-delte pukkel.

Den svarer at den er min mave og jeg knæler for den, hvilket den svarer med at lægge dens venstre hov på mit tredje øje. Derefter skifter den til at blive en venlig og varm 44-årig mand, med kort gråt hår. Jeg spørger “Hvad skal jeg gøre for at komme I bedre kontakt med dig” og han svarer “Din mormor kom til at trykke en lille knogle I stykker hernede (inde I højre hofteskål, hvor psoas løber) da du var 3 år gammel, det var ikke med vilje, men det kan man også se på billeder.” Der er en implicit besked der handler om at denne skade/traume ikke har været kendt og at noget kropsterapi kan have forværret det, men også at der ligger noget derfra der stadig rumsterer. Jeg svarer “Ah, jamen jeg har jo også fået scannet indersiden af mine hofter, så der vil man kunne se det?” han svarer “Jaaa, jooo.” med en tudelig intonering om at det ikke er helt rigtigt, men at det heller ikke er helt ved siden af.

Drømmen Ender og jeg vågner med en meget rolig, afslappet og rar fornemmelse I kroppen. Det var tidligt, men jeg stod op og fik mediteret med min mave som fokus, fik lavet yoga, danset og TRE og fik mig noget morgenmad og følte mig godt tilpas.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-12-08 The following is a description of a very powerful visionary experience during holotropic breath-work.

One sentence title: Travelling as pure child of light from the centre of creation, the beginning of time, over North American bull riding shaman to see what we are saving, culminating in seeing myself as Lucifer, then taking his place so he can go to heaven, falling to earth discarding demonic baggage.

The entry will be written in Danish as I intend to explore it further in therapy.

Jeg starter med at lægge mig godt til rette, jeg ser frem til den her session og er ikke bange, men mærker at jeg næsten bliver høj, måske på grund af den lidt intense dans jeg har givet mig I kast med forinden.

Det første der sker er visuelt. Jeg ser en række tørrede sår hen over min skallede isse, som jeg piller I en smule og som opstår simultant med en række bekymringer omkring Mai, hvilket efterfølges af en række tanker omkring den energi jeg bruger på at bekymre mig hende og hendes foretagener (jeg kan ikke huske om jeg her tænker på at flytte eller om jeg beslutter dette I løbet af den næste dags ceremoni hvor jeg ligger alene I køkkenet).

Det næste element er at jeg oplever – uden at det bliver visuelt – at jeg ligesom bliver løftet op og at himlens porte bliver åbnet for mig, uden at der dog kommer noget ud eller jeg kommer ind el.

Det næste er en længerevarende oplevelse af at se og mærke mig selv som et sammenfoldet barn lavet af lys, som rejser igennem et stjerneløst mørke, hvor lys og mørke er ligeligt fordelt og overlappende, som I både altopslugende og totalt gennemtrængende oven I, men også ved siden af hinanden.
Denne rejse ændrer karakter en smule til at den starter fra galaksens centrum, som også er punktet for begyndelsen af tid og jeg ridder på den forreste bølge af stjerner mod Jorden. Her kommer jeg forbi et vista af en slette I nordamaerika og jeg får fornemmelsen af en bison okse, der muligvis riddes af en shaman. Der er en klar besked om at det er det her livet handler om og at det er det vi forsøger at redde. Samtidig oplever jeg en enorm fornemmelse af at jeg er kommet hertil langvejsfra for at rydde op I min families historik.

Her begynder jeg at ryste ret så kraftigt, samtidig med at jeg skriger og græder et klage-skrig jeg ikke har hørt før. Jeg ser et billede af planeten samtidig og oplever at vi deler smerten og at oprydningen handler om det.

Jeg bruger en del tid på at græde snot og skrige på den måde. I løbet af denne meget emotionelle og kropslige process mærker jeg virkelig også min krop ryste og blive varm.

Da jeg på et tidspunkt sætter mig op, eller rettere forceret ved at en guide blidt har lagt en hånd på mit bryst der har skabt en voldsom reaktion, opdager jeg at lænet fårover har jeg enten fået mine vinger klippet af eller de bliver klippet af mens jeg sidder der. Herefter oplever jeg at jeg kan gro nye vinger, men disse enten af phønix eller fugle karakter og sprede dem ud over rummet.

Det sidste, men måske mest intense scenarie er at jeg igen ser det gyldne barn siddende foran mig, men denne gang med sorte vinger. Jeg ved at det er mig selv jeg ser på, jeg ved det er djævlen. Jeg trækker mig en smule tilbage, men tænker jeg skal nok se på det så beder en bøn til Michael og Jesus om beskyttelse og lader visionen udfolde sig. Jeg bliver til Lucifer, men samtidig sker der det at jeg igen ser himlens porte åbne sig foran mig og jeg ser hvordan Lucifer bliver lukket ind, mens jeg falder bagover med sorte vinger på ryggen – jeg har taget hans plads. Da jeg rammer jorden er det som om vingerne eller noget dæmonisk fortsætter med at falde. Nu ser jeg mig igen som det gyldne barn og at jeg hvis jeg fokuserer 100% ind I kroppen ikke blot har hele jorden og kosmos som legeplads, men flere forskellige dimmensioner også.

Her stopper vissionen.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-03-12 There have been many dreams of late, a certain theme have played over in its variety of incarnations. Approaching the water, confronting/releasing the reptiles. This dream showed up about a week following our last gathering. It felt big, as intense symbolically as when I have been guided previously by African Dream root. I didn’t intend to dive into it, but it seems appropriate at this time.

Dream 1: (2018-11-23) A series of events transpire in a complicated building complex with a large body of water, containing dinosaurs in them, which revolve around teaching others to express their needs and confronting children in an armoured “Big Daddy” suit.

I am in a large building complex, it is very bright and modern looking. There is plenty of sunlight pouring through the windows and there is a lot of greenery spread out around in the building. It is as if the building is roughly centred around a large pool in the middle, which is in place both at the ground floor and the basement. At the ground floor this massive square pool is surrounded by spectator seats, as there are multiple shows of “scary” animals taking place. In particular at present there are two megalodons in the waters as well as a larger dinosaur that during the dream ends up killing and consuming the two sharks.

In the beginning of the dream there is a show happening in the central room where the sharks and dino monsters are held. To begin with there is a jovial touristy atmosphere surrounding the show and all the spectator seats are filled. It very much has a Jurassic World kinda feel, which is significant in its theming.

I find myself at the basement looking into the waters through a thick sheating of glass. This is where I observe the massive dinosaur consume the two sharks in the tank. It also slams into the glass, though I am unsure if it displays signs of cracking at this or not. In any case this is where I get the feeling that is common to my dreams “I know how this story plays out”. I know that the massive dinosaur is going to crack the tank, thereby releasing 4 dinosaurs where one is a massive snake, the other is a t-rex, the third is the water-dino itself, while the 4th is unknown (immediately here the theme of the 4th unknown deserves attention as it has been a running theme since the night before our first dream sharing gathering, where I encountered an inner child that I didn’t know all that well amongst 3 others that I knew very well).

As per usual as I am thinking this an alarm goes off and there is a somewhat panicky atmosphere as the building starts being evacuated.

I head out off to a side building. It is on the right hand side of the body of water. This time I am on the upper floor. I am sat on a pathway made of steel and below there is a botanic room, again beautiful and floral. I am preparing a workshop. This workshop is about me making myself available to my clients for whatever they dare express their desires around. This particularly is meant for me to teach others about expressing their desires in a public forum, but with me as an object (something that was a major theme at a spiritual workshop in 2017, which I spoke to MA about). F is there and she says that she is interested in a massage, but nothing sexual.

Then I am in Hornslet, where I grew up. M is there with E on the road from the park, leading up to the council building. For some reason this is still connected to the building complex with the sharks and dinos. I am also there talking to M about what happened between them at the spot, so both while it is happening and after. M tells me how they decided to have sex, despite some of the warnings we had discussed about romantic ideations following transpersonal journeys.

M tells me: “We had a lot of sex and to begin with it was just vaginal penetration. But then I decided to fuck her in the ass, despite the fact that she had told me that she didn’t want to. It was rough on her, but I decided to do it anyway so she would have the experience from a friend. She needed to learn”. Throughout this interaction there is an implicit meaning between us around E’s tendency of leaning too hard on support from the outside, in particular male support, which can lead to her being exploited, which is what M was trying to teach her tough-love style.

There is a brief flash of running into my Cousin on a similar steel pathway on the uppermost floor.

The last full scenario again takes place on the right hand side of the large body of water, somehow in the same place as the last scenario with “expressing desire”, yet also below and somewhat unrelated. Again very bright and a light and pleasant atmosphere.

I am in a “Big Dady” suit from Bio Shock. I have almost won, yet I am caught off-guard by a grenade that slips under a big white statue or cardboard cut-out of a statue. The grenade is thrown by a little girl and the reason it catches me off guard is that I have stepped in a puddle of water and the grenade explodes in a long arc of lightning, nearly killing me. I try to escape by rushing to the stairways, but am electrocuted.

I sit down and feign death until the little girl and her mother appears. They walk down towards me the mother approaching. She leans really close checking my pulse, talking to me, asking me if I am dead or not. She has almost decided that I am death until one of my eye-lashes brush against her cheek and she proclaims “I felt a streak of lash against my cheek” and she discovers my deception. But she is so close and in such a vulnerable position that I manage to throw her off and have her eliminated upstairs.

The small girl that was accompanying her mother knows that upon the death of her mother that she can’t hope to win our contest. I am simply armoured too heavily in my “Big Dady” suit. I walk upstairs and am now confronted by 3 children, 2 boys and the girl. They all know they have lost, but decide to choose their weapons – pillows.

As we engage in a pillow fight and the kids seem drained of hope, I get a bad feeling. I feel bad for them and as such I decide not to fight to kill them.

Dream Ends.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-11-18 The first of the four dreams occurred during the night, in response/preparation to our dream workshop during the evening and the interpretation round this morning. They occurred in the wake of an Ayahuasca ceremony which took place on the Friday, which for me were heavily themed around (A) the practice of acting/doing what I felt like, risking to provoke and loose standing from my friends and (B) learning to see under and past the emotional pain – that is not staring myself blind at the stuff that is troubling me, without ignoring it either, but allowing myself to see the broader picture.

Dream 1: Sexual fantasy turns to voice from beyond, which culminates in a brutal murder and forgiveness of inner children.

I am lying in the ceremony room, where a couple of us have gone to bed. Nala and I are starting to make out and she starts inviting to sex. I am thrilled, yet I don’t quite do anything about it. Eventually she calls out to Mads something along the lines “Mads I am trying to have sex with Dennis, but he doesn’t really seem to want to go along.” I quickly respond “Yes, Yes I do” and then we start having sex, she guiding me inside her.
The dream then changes. Now there is some darkness and a female voice is calling out to me: “This is karmic, I will meet you in the summer.” I think to myself this pertains to a soulmate or girlfriend to come and I pull her out of the shadows, so that now I am staring at a doll face, that doesn’t seem to have any real facial features except the contours of the doll face and some long blonde hair. I ask her if she can provide additional details of herself, at which point I look at the doll face and see that her cheeks round up a bit. Other than that nothing else happens.
I then parcour jump down into the basement, meant for parking cars. There I meet two boys, one is about 4-5 years old another is maybe 7-9. The young boy tells the older “This is where you did me wrong (or: this is where you annihilated me)”. The older doesn’t seem to quite understand, but then the story continues.
Then a 12-13 year old guy appears – there is no question that he is a bully and he is much bigger, both taller, more muscular and fatter, he has a distinctly malicious energy about his person - while the two aforementioned remain hidden down behind a corner. The big guys is there to bully and the 7-9 year old then pushes the smaller one out from behind the corner, he seems to blush and turn red around the cheeks while doing so.
As the youngest run out the Bully picks him up. As he picks him up he turns into a small baby of 6 months or maybe even smaller as in still a fetus. As soon as he has picked him up he walks over to a railing and slams the head of the youngest down into this railing. Killing him.
The youngest looks like a doll and I say something along the lines of “Ah it was a doll”. However then the scenario shifts about and from above the doll is seen lying on the ground, and it is clear that the Bully has killed the youngest fetus/6months old cold blooded.
The 7-9 year old is devastated and I am now back in my body and participating in my dream. It is clear to me that my reason for being there is that I must forgive the 7-9 year old, that is the karmic stuff the woman was talking about. I sit down with the guy and we both cry like babies.
I don’t think I have ever been so wrecked by guilt, disgust, anger, sorrow and empathy for the guy. It is difficult containing all these ambivalent feelings and focus on forgiving him, yet this is what I sit down with him and do.
Dream Ends.

Dream 2: Walking through a fairgrounds in the rain.

I am outside in a fairgrounds of some description. The atmosphere is holiday-like and I am walking around by myself, though there are many people around. I am walking past playful attractions, like a bouncy castle where I wonder if it is OK I am wearing shoes. I also walk past loads of food outlets – notably fastfood ones, like Sunset Boulevard and McDonald’s – and contemplate buying food, though I don’t in the end.
It starts raining, severely. I get drenched in my brown Polo shirt, which I received from a friend of mine about 15-20 years ago. I wonder to myself how I will manage being all drenched and I take off my shoes and find that they are completely soaked in and filled with water as well.
Dream Ends:

Interlude: Before going into the dreams that followed later this day it is worth while noting a few events that transpired. The reason being that heavy emphasis was placed on sharing and interpreting these above dreams before the following 2 occurred. Thus the following two dreams can be both expressions of the same primarily activated themes, but also responses to the interpretations that were carried out.

So I interpreted the first dream as essentially carrying a theme, which is best summarised as the relationship between various inner children. The narrative transformations provide some indications as to what the theme is about, I think.
The dream starts out as a sexual fantasy – which is both day residue, as we fell asleep together and both of us apparently experienced fear and confusion as to what the connection was all about, as well as a pinpointing of a challenge I experience in intimate relations (the fear of reaching out, making the first move and committing to expose myself through expressing desire and attraction) – that then transforms to a karmic message “This is about karma, I will meet you in the summer”, which is a dialogue with a “faceless” woman (which carries on a theme of recent where a veiled woman has made herself known, as well a running into “the guy who wants to remain hidden” on the same night in a different dream), which then leads to a display of the killing of the youngest child (4-5 years old, turns into 6 months/fetus) through the brutal action of the 12-13 year old, but guided by the 7-9 year old.
The intense emotionality, the supernatural aspects as well as the residual impact leads me to suspect this as a prospective dream, indicating that a dawning realisation of the interrelation between various “sub-programmes”. I suspect this is related to the connection between my fear of intimacy (which was prevalent with Nala) and my fear of promoting myself.
The reason I suspect this was that when I was discussing some of the potential meanings of these boys of various ages with Mads on the way back from the weekend the 12 year old reminded me of a time when I had a crush on a girl from my class (Djana), though I never really dared to admit it. I could admit it to myself, but I was afraid of admitting to it publicly, which has been a recurring story ever since. This theme of public displays of affection was actually activated as an element of conscious reflection during the breakfast, where I engaged with Nala in an intimate fashion.
So it is as if at least 3 of these 4 inner children are known to me. (1) Fetus//6 months old – pertaining to being abandoned (in the womb through smoking, alcohol consumption and potentially a polluted motivation of wanting to keep a hold on my dad, indicating a dysfunctional relation already then and the traumatic experience at 1,5 months old that I have talked to my mother about) (2) the 4-5 year old (The memory of getting punished for reaching out for food, being shamed and made wrong, as confirmed by my cousin who was in the memory) (3) the 12-14 year old (associated with being afraid to publicly commit to attraction and already at this point in time experiencing difficulty in expressing sexual desire or making the first moves. The 4th (the 7-8 year old) is so far unknown to me (it is the period of my life where I first discovered computer gaming, is the first that springs to mind).
In any case the notion around Djana becomes present in one of the following dreams.

Dream 3: How can one loose a space ship, well apparently it is because we forget how to look at the stars at night.

There is a vista of a city skyline in bright sunlight. I am overlooking this from the water, a river I think. Then a portal opens and a version of the starship Enterprise appears. Then another and another I think of up to 6 or 7 appear. They are all slightly different, with different details around particular the engines, but it is important and it is made known to me that these differences matter, as it is a proof that I am not “just seeing things”.
Then an alarm is sounded, or it is made known that we have lost a starship. There is a meeting of various generals from all over the world. Then a question is posed “How is it even spotted when it is hanging out there in the outskirts of the solar system in the darkness?” and an immediate, but also embarrassing answer (because it is so obvious) is posed. “Our allies (a different species) can walk in space and so can easily see spaceships in the darkness”. Then the Iranian general walks out to observe the stars and train his vision, but also do something of some description to retrieve the starship.
Dream Ends:

Dream 4: At a party, going home early to meet Djana, but is instead greeted by 6-7 aliens looking for Hude Dant – which I recognise as an obvious allusion to Hugh Grant.

I am out partying with my friends. I decide to rather quickly return home and here I hope that I will find Djana at home. When I return I notice a small car parking on the other side of the road. It is driven by a woman – who is sitting in shadows and whom I have an awkward feeling about – we have a history and she is somehow connected to picking up Djana or someone else. I walk in and am pleased to find that the doors are open and that there is a light on. I walk in and down to the basement, but can’t find Djana. Instead I find my laptop lying on the sofa.
Then a whole bunch of people walk in. I immediately know that they are aliens disguised as humans and that they are somehow connected with the previous spaceships (though I have no explicit memory of the previous dream, in this dream). There are 3-5 of them in the room and they are looking for Hude (or Lube) Dant, but I also know that this is a poor way to cover up that they are looking for Hugh Grant.
There is a scenario shift to a driving car with 2 aliens in it, where one has disguised itself as a Dane and another as a Swede. There is a statement that I should keep away from Copenhagen and that there is something funny about this disguised Dane speaking Danish. It is all connected to a greater mission of sorts.
Dream Ends:

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

2018-11-13 00:21 So to take charge on the dreamwork project with healing rejser I have decided to run it myself, though I feel somewhat tired.
I don’t know where to start. It feels as if identification with psychological self is falling away. Over the past couple of days I have experienced that with every thought arise a history, a narrative a person-in-potentia. It is falling away and I realise myself to be infinitely broader than whatever thought, feeling or sensation that arise, yet I am also Dennis, an embodied, carnal and emotional being just the same.
I have experienced anger towards Cecilie culminating in an experience of being hurt. Simply hurt. The numbness and stupididty I felt when realising that is all I had been fighting to feel, all my anger towards her was trying to repress and what the suicidality was an expression of left me giggling, free and confused.
Speaking off. There has been much confusion. Mainly as I have found little to be ecstatic or happy about, no mission nor direction. Thus meaninglessness and confusion.
When I felt the hurt with regard Cecilie I started crying and placed myself down on a carpet. I saw myself a fetus in the womb of my mother and it felt as if I sent a team of light beings, angels to remind the fetus in the past that it was forever loved, before I took it and placed it firmly in my chest, now giving it love from myself to myself.
I want to try out permaculture, more embodied, more giving a shit about my daily life and the planet on which it occurs. No longer a saviour project (attachmentto the recognition associated with such an endeavour), but simply because I miss trying out more contact with nature in a responsible way, the way of a custodian.
I have felt curiosity about people. Like genuine curiosity, notable due the absence of trying to bring the conversation around to be about me. Either in terms of “I have tried something similar, when...” or “I totally get that, maybe you should look at it like… to….” or simply to demonstrate cleverness a hungry and hurt yearning for recognition, a desperation for fulfilling a hole that was futile from the beginning. I have seen the source, understood the principles by which the conditioning arose and battled myself to eternity to cling on to it, but it is faltering.
I have experienced the depths of despair, isolation and loneliness driving my thoughts into suicidal contemplation ever so more specific and concrete, to the point that I just 2 days ago considered writing my departure letter as a way of examining why I was thinking about quitting it all. This pain has driven me through profound anger at my heart, my soul and God. I have been piss fucking irritated at my soul and God for not really appreciating the nature of a mortal being and selfishly deciding to put a poor human being, and not only me, through whatever hurts simply so they can learn a lesson or two from an immortal perspective. Funnily enough this anger was followed by what seemed a remark from Raphael “you have a point you know”. I have been angry at my heart as I thought that was a spot in which I was supposed to find rest, but the more I dive in the more it screams “BRING ME YOUR SUFFERING” as it spreads out tentacles digging up collective emotional bull shit that is lingering below the surface and causing all sorts of havoc, wanting to feel it so it can be released. What a dick that heart of mine!
In my moments of darkness the room has literally seemed to go black and a voice have whispered “Well if you don’t need that soul...”. I guess if you open for angels, you open for all of them.
Yet then in meditation the whispers of Ganesh have imparted me teachings of regulating attention. It has shown me how desire with attachment to outcomes becomes a strong, single pointed focus – just as you would practice in meditation. The problem is you then manifest it. I have seen how I have been manifesting pain and suffering relentlessly.
All of this. All of this pain have left me severely questioning the wisdom of Ayahuasca. It seems that whenever I engage my desire for something simple, something human – love, connection and sex – I am denied. To the point where it has brought me into the realms of psychiatry, as it seems the plants are unwilling to help and assist with my predicaments and I now am scheduled to have a psychiatric evaluation carried out – do what you fear ey?
It goes further than that. Here I sit on the night where I have finally broken my resistance towards promoting myself. The pattern that obscured my actioning was seen, and understood in its complex simplicity.
When an urge to create and claim a slice of life for myself arise, in the concrete manifestation of simply promoting myself, a thought arise in response. “The world is already enlightened, you are no longer needed” - typically this would occur in interpretation towards an article read, a sentence uttered or something similar. In effect it would serve enough of a distraction to keep me from doing what I intended. Then when I engage with life and start seeing evidence to the contrary that maybe there are people out there suffering, someone I could assist a replacement thought would pop up, typically identified through some sort of inspirational video, article, cartoon or similar: “Well there are plenty of people out there much better than you, more suited to take up the task”. Then more examples would follow that would indicate that maybe you know I could be of service to some at which point the voice would turn distinctly sinister “Well Dennis you are a shitty human being, look at all of this shit you can’t figure out about life, you are not fit to help anyone”. Which would then initiate a period of intense suicidality, self-absorbed victimhood and suffering.
This pattern has been at times lasted weeks, if not months. But after I verbalised it to a good friend yesterday I have seen it manifest and resolve within the space of an hour, though the suicidality and “terrible human being” bit got channelled into actually getting a marketing post written.
My biggest fear is a funny one. I am actually afraid that upon resolving this inner conviction that I am not worthy of life, that I have no function to fulfil (it is tricky dedicating your life to helping people out of suffering, if all the world is already there just waiting for me to resolve my own bull shit so we can move on) that the enlightenment of the world will ensue. I would thus manifest my deepest fear, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is a lot of quirky stuff going on in my head (and oh my god don’t get me started on the bodily stuff), transformations and shifts in perspective are occurring at a rate I am so not accustomed to. I guess an apt analogy is that I have been thrown into a maelstrom in the middle of an infinite sea during a thunderstorm and am now learning to swim in these waters, slowly getting the hang of it.
But there is a fierce willingness also arising. A willingness to experience more. Despite the intensity I want more from life.
I can guarantee very little at present. The main thing I can say for sure is that I refuse to listen to the belittling voice within. I have empathy and compassion for why it arose. But I refuse to be worthless any longer.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

"Awakening in C's room with grandmother leads to dad fixing the cellar"

I awake in C's bedroom. It is still dark outside. We get out of bed and she heads towards the toilet, handing me some boxer shorts on the way there. They look like my Finding Waldo boxers, but I am in doubt as to whether they are mine or hers. Sensing a brief glimpse of excitement I look down, but find that she is wearing a pair of rather boring black panties.

As she heads towards the hallway and the toilet I look down and find that I have all my clothes packed up in blue Ikea bags, as I would normally use for my washing clothes. The clothes are clean though, but I think to myself that I need to move this out of here.

Her Ex boyfriend gets out of bed and walks towards the hallway as well. He is a short, scrawny and little man and I wonder what she has ever really seen in him anyway.

a small skip...

I awake in the same bed. I am lying next to my grandmother on my mother's side. I find it weird to be sharing a bed with my grandmother, but at the same time I find nothing wrong with simply sharing closeness and intimacy. She leans in closer to me and I accept the embrace. She smiles and laughs as the she initiates the following dialogue:

“You know you grandfather was such a devil.” She says.
“How so?” I reply.
“Well he actually woke up one night and asked me this - “Maybe the reason you can’t sleep at night is because I keep stealing the duvet at night””
“Wow he actually said that?” I respond.
“Yes” she responds, also indicating that he didn’t do anything about it at all.

I get up and I walk into the living room. My grandmother is in there, but she has gained a lot of weight. This is a good thing as I see that she no longer looks scrawny and too slim, but has gained some roundness and looks like an older version of my mother and aunt combined. She is talking, even flirting, with this man on the right side of the living room. There is an element of school gym about the room and the man – whom is unknown, but maybe middle aged – is standing by some wall bars. I find it good that she has gained weight and are interested in men again.

The scene shifts.

I am now outside. It is early morning and still darkish. I want to go up to C’s room again to find my cigarettes and get my clothes out of her flat. I look up and am encouraged as I see that there are lights in her room. But on a second look I see that the light is lit in the room above hers. This is a challenge as I don’t want to wake her up to get my stuff, but I quickly think that the cellar door will be open in my own house and I can probably find some cigarettes there.

I walk back to the house. I find the cellar door open and as I walk inside I see that the entire room is drenched in water and insulated all around the walls. The insulation is white and it gives the entire room the look of a rugged and very large rubber cell you would find in a psychiatric ward.

I say to myself “This is a problem”, as I see the insulation being drenched and almost as big as mattresses hanging from the ceiling.

My dad walks in. I tell him “surely we can’t fix this by putting up a bit of plastic?” He responds “I’ve got this, I think it should be sufficient”.

I crawl out of the door again, which is now a small square hole in the south east corner. I notice that the terrace and lawn outside are also insulated. I think to myself “How is this going to work when the snow comes around?”.

I walk up the stairs to the main floor. I look out into the living-room and kitchen area and proclaim “wow you have really done a fantastic job with the floors” as I see that the wooden floors are totally spotless, indicating he (my dad) has spent a lot of time cleaning them. I walk into the entrance way and wipe my feet, which causes the small pebbles and dirt I have under my feet to scatter all across the floor. My dad enters the room and is furious at me for making a mess.

I feel somewhat guilty and see that it isn’t entirely fair what I have done, but I also feel hurt at his attack.

He gets out a mop and starts sweeping the floors. I wonder why he does that as it would be better to hoover before using the mop, but guess that he doesn’t want to waste time doing it again and will settle for just using the mop to sweep the mess I just made.

When he is done he packs up the mop and puts it on the shelf in the entrance, behind a candlestick up against a large painting in the entrance. I ask him why he is putting it there and that surely there must be some place better to put it. He seems to agree, but also seems frustrated at my remark.

During the day yesterday I spoke with a girlfriend of mine about the consideration that have played on my mind in certain periods of my life of making sexual healing of women – a sort of glorified prostitution – a path in life. While the idea has remained relatively absurd to my conscious mind, the grain of seriousness has never really left my thinking.

Furthermore, I found during my self-love ritual tantric practice during the evening that my fantasies were no longer tied to Cecilie, but fluttered wide and far, though only with women. I recall that I was surprised at this, both in respect of finding a horniness for other women, but also in the release of attachment towards Cecilie as “the” sexual object of my consideration – as if I was freed from the shackles of having to commit monogamously to her to engage romantically and intimately, while also obtaining sexual favour.

My intentions were simply to remember my dreams, but I found it hard to fall asleep – which also led to a lengthy sexual practice prior to sleep.

Dream:

I am sitting on a train station. It is a small one, as you find in the country side. The weather is bright, though not scolding and there are other people on the station.

I am sat on a bench wearing a long trench coat. Underneath I am wearing clothes covering my upper body and nothing over my legs and genitals.

I am in a playful mood and as I watch out over the station across a hedge, I catch the eyes of a woman who is looking at me, smiling playfully. She knows “what is up” - which is really referring to my playful exploration of revealing my genitals, but which carries a stronger more direct meaning of explicit sexuality.

I look towards her repeatedly and she keeps returning the kinky mischievous smile.

Eventually the train rolls into the station, and after a brief evaluation if it is driving slow enough to actually stop, it does. The door opens and the woman and I get onboard. There is a slight distance so I rush slightly to make it.

Once onboard the woman asks me if I am a “blotter”, and I think I acknowledge, though it doesn’t take up much attention or time.

The woman now has turned into a composite persona consisting of Hanne – a Buddhist Lesbian – and Birgit – The owner of a toy shop I know very well from childhood.

We talk about her reasons for being on the train. She is headed out to receive attunement as part of her Buddhist ventures. On her lap she is carrying a printed text. On the cover is printed something along the wordings of “The fourth initiation, by Master so-and-so”.

I recall being surprised at this, as I thought there was only 3 levels.

I get up and button up the trench coat to make sure my dick doesn’t fall out and show by accident.

The main thing that grabbed my attention this morning was the number 4, which has been showing up in a couple of dreams recently. My initial interpretations and associations towards this was the 4 elements, the heart chackra and the wholeness of the quaternity in mandala symbolism.

I reflected on the homosexual nature – representing potentially suppressed desires or avenues of exploration, which I have carried out over the past couple of years with men, though not really fully – of one aspect of the composite persona – who in total is a woman, representing the anima or the collective unconscious – as well as the Toy Shop Owner – symbolising potentially a suppressed playful and animalistic aspect of my sexuality (I have recently spent many an hour talking about it in terms fetched from Tantra, such as divine union or simply as spiritual practice, which could represent a form of spiritual bypassing but also my desire to ejaculate in women – Cecilie in particular) though it could also point towards continuing the practice of using toys in developing my sexual skills.

My initial interpretation pointed towards a unification of my sexual nature with my Buddhist aspirations, where considerable conflict has recently taken place between sexual desires, as well as desires for family, intimate and romantic relations with the concept of renunciation of samsara to attain liberation.

What stroke me here was the sexual theme combined with the sacred scriptures combined with the symbolism of wholeness, pointing towards an active (playful and explorational) kind of integration between my sexual nature and desires with the quest for happiness and liberation. There is a particular focus on “going public” with this, represented in the “blotter” symbolism, which is greeted cheerfully by the anima, as a fruitful endeavour leading to a more enlightened place – represented by the scriptures and teachings.

Furthermore I reflected on the need to cultivate a more loving relationship – the 4th chakra, representing unconditional love - , not only to my own sexuality, but also the way in which I practice it with other people, women in particular – which now that I write it, is also represented in the recent dream of the “Bridge Elf” wearing orange and green, taking up 4 hours of journeying.

Looking through some of Jung’s work with sacred numbers in dreams and the Angel Number 4, some following additional interpretations occurred.

Jung also posits the number four as pointing towards “fourth function” - which is typically the repressed or taboo function – of thinking, sensing, feeling and intuiting. I am primarily oriented towards a thinking and intuitive disposition – making a mixture of feeling/sensing the taboo function. Feeling and sensing in this respect I see pointing both towards an acceptance of the more primal (non-spiritual and reproductive) aspects of my sexuality (represented by sensing, the physical aspects) and my desire, my right to feel, my wanting to take in a sexual context.

The Angel number 4 mentioned something around creating a solid infrastructure, focus in on an area of life where I want to hone my skills or reap rewards, or building a foundation of sorts. This has very much been a process as of late, aside from moving out and finding a new place to live (creating a solid foundation) I have also been focusing on trying to verbalise my competencies (dream analysis, shamanic practices and energy/massage work with my hands).

The immediate association here for me has to do with diving deeper into these three areas of my life. The vibe of the new place is phenomenal and now it is time – as in accordance with my priorities for the year – to focus on the stuff that can ensure a stable financial living. I have booted up the energy practices just yesterday – that also have a resemblance to the energy work of the tantric sexual practices. I spent many hours considering who I could approach to practice this work and also spoke with a friend about it.

In general I find myself elated with this dream, it is to me an encouragement in working in the direction I have been doing for some time. It is also a reminder for me to stop taking the shamanic work too serious and focus on what I really yearn to explore – sexuality – which makes me happy. It is not to neglect the hard work in store for both arranging practice with energy work, nor formulating the principles of therapy I am employing in my work with the sacred plants. I am curious to see how this theme progress – sexual exploration, continued work with stabilising the roots as a path towards wholeness and spiritual development.

Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

I have recently taken up using the voice recorder for recording dreams, but in preparation for the upcoming dream workshop I will be running I will start using manual entry again. I need to get quick, to the point and sharp in sharing dream content with others, so I can be a leading example for the people I coach.

Now before I start out with writing the dreams of the previous 3 nights, which I have bullet pointed on paper there is a couple of highly significant dream I want to write up. These all pertain to the significance of the Dinosaurs, particulary the T-Rex, in my dreams, as these have heralded some pretty significant developments over the past year. In fact just sitting down listening to some of the files have sent goosebumps through my body at some of the symbolisms and messages contained in these dreams.

The first occurred during the summer of 2016, I was in full swing with writing my thesis and I had seen a blossoming of my use of cannabis, cigarettes and other kinds of addiction. As such I had started working directly with my dreams with regards exploring the reason for my smoking, or addiction in general.

I had noticed that recently a T-Rex had started appearing as a repeating theme in my dreams. Like for instance I saw him in a hotel roof top pool on 01-08-16, where I hid in a pool with a friend trying to avoid being caught – where I speculate that he is connected with investigation of smoking. Or on 08-08-16 I found myself in a dinosaur park, a la Jurassic Park, with a hole in the fence, where the T-Rex was on the inside, but I end up getting caught by a raptor and eaten just outside the park in a broken car, where I was trying to hide out. And such I started setting intentions for my next lucid dream to investigate what this symbol of the T-Rex could represent.

I don't have a record of this lucid dream where I manage to summon the T-Rex, but it occurred within a couple of weeks following the setting of the intention to investigate, before 01-09-2016, when I moved out of the place I was living and back in with my parents.

I recall being awake in the morning, to then go back to sleep with the intention to summon the T-Rex.

“Summoning the T-Rex”

I am sat in our living room. It is forenoon and I am texting M – a primary school class mate, whom I have always maintained a slight crush on. We are talking about a party and I feel I am somewhat intruding, but she end up inviting me around.

Then all of a sudden a text message rolls in from the phone company, which reads something like “We are all one, you no longer need to put in the number or contact of the person you are trying to reach it will happen automatically.” This stumbles me a bit, but I don't think much further of it.

There is a slight skip.

I find myself in a bus headed out from Aarhus towards Hornslet. I speculate on the nature of “oneness” and start feeling my consciousness drift outwards, though not quite becoming one. At one point a bus pass in the opposite direction and a choir of children are singing a song, with the lyrics “we are all one” included.

The bus drives off the high way and I find myself walking on the road below, heading under the bridge with the highway on top.

I am with my old friend Tim and we are walking together. I look up and I see a hawk sitting in mid air, which I find curious as its wings are placed alongside its body. It basically looks like it is sitting on a stick, though there is no stick there to be sat on.

Then it makes a rapid dive and hits the ground beak first right next to me, which startles me quite a lot.

We walk on, towards the bridge, past a couple of bushes on the side of the road that have purple flowers on them. As we walk a couple of smaller birds come flying straight towards my face, so I have to step quickly to the left to avoid being hit.

I start thinking to myself: “This is truly strange behaviour for birds.” and as we approach the bridge finally I see a crow sitting in one of the bushes by the side. I start looking around and I decide to look at my hands.

I become lucid and I spend a few moments stabilising the dream, and when I feel comfortable I start thinking about my goals.

“Ah the T-Rex!” I say out loud and abandon my friend to go look for him. I turn around, away from the bridge in the opposite direction and start screaming out over the fields “T-Rex, Where Are You??” but I don't get a response.

I find myself next to a crash barrier, again screaming out over the fields for the T-Rex. Then I start feeling fear, although I am also aware of it all being only a dream. So I skip back across the road and climb a small elderflower tree.

I shout for the dino to appear again and this time I get a response, though from a group of children behind the bushes of which the tree I have climbed is a part. They say “We tried calling him, he doesn't want to show up.”.

I then try to scream out for him, mimicking his roar. The Children respond in a laughing way “We tried that as well, it won't help.”

I sit for a brief second before the dream starts fading and I “wake up”.

I find myself in my room and walk out towards the living room. Outside I see a lot of plants and it is raining.

“Hang on a minute it wasn't raining when I was awake earlier” I think to myself and realise I am still dreaming.

I turn around and walk back into my room and stare at my computer screen.

I turn around, while still being within the realms of the computer game that was on the screen and look up. I find a long and narrow dirt pathway, surrounded by a fence on the right hand side and bushes on the left.

Up at the entrance – or T-cross – I see the T-Rex come sprinting around from the right hand side. I get anxious and excited as I start running towards him. It seems like the dino knows we only have a limited amount of time to complete the encounter.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN??” I scream at him as we run towards one another. There is no response, and I feel my fear rising as we continue to sprint towards one another. “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME??” I try instead and just as we are right in front of one another and I am staring into his wide open jaws he transforms.

All of a sudden a ghost appears before me, with the limbs of the dino sprawling out behind the spectre hanging a few metres above the ground.

“Michela!?!?” I exclaim in utter surprise.

I wake up.

Michela represents a previous romantic affiliation gone sour, very sour indeed. Both in terms of the pain I felt when she left, but also because of the stressful situation I was facing with quitting my job. I awoke with a multitude of new angles to investigate my addiction to cigarettes from, which included the shame and loss of pride I felt from loosing her – the shame associated with not being able to attract a woman and keep her faithful, more so than actually loosing her being particularly painful.

A couple of months later I started on a spiritual education and at the time I was still smoking cigarettes. I started a practice of smoking without guilt and I recall arriving at the first module having spent 6 hours without smoking. I felt the physiological cravings, but I didn't feel the desire to smoke, which I found facinating.

I continued to the first module and when we arrived in the first opening sharing circle and were briefed that we would be opening up, diving into intimacy, then it hit me. I was now experiencing full on craving and desire at the same time as I was experiencing fear towards intimacy at the same time as it was the only thing I truly desired. And from this experience I recalled another meaning associated with Michela.

The next dream took place I think in the beginning of April, the first time F and I slept in the same bed, and seeing as we kissed the first time on April 3rd I believe the accurate date is 14-04-17 as this is 2 weeks after the date of our first kiss.

“Dino makes a gesture”

I find myself alone in a small and humble cabin. It is bright morning/forenoon and the sun is shining through the windows. The cabin is located in a large garden that is surrounded by tall walls in a rectangular fashion, with the cabin taking central space.

Suddenly outside I hear/feel the T-Rex approaching, and this time I recognise his presence. There seems to be a telepathic or at least non-verbal acceptance of one another, a kind of respect with a hint of fear, but this time from both parties.

I venture out of the house to see what is going on. There is a clothes line with clothing on it immediately next to the house.

I never actually see the T-Rex, but I find that after he has been circling the house he has left me a circular meditation mat against the clothing line.

End of dream.

I wake up feeling excited. I have just slept next to a woman I am madly in love with and I find that I for the first time actually like sleeping up close to her.

I experience a brief feeling of alarm, but I quickly re-frame the story positively as I tell F about the dream.

Now I acknowledge that interpreting dreams in hindsight is easier than trying to gleam out the prospective material from the time of their occurrence. However this dream theme I believe heralded a powerful spiritual lesson.

The first appearances of the T-Rex motif happened just after a relationship had developed from an intimate/romantic nature to a friendly one. In this relationship I discovered a tendency to become extremely preoccupied with me feeling responsible for the emotional state of the other. This responsibility was coupled with an elevated sense of anxiety for loosing her. However the appearance of Dinosaurs happened before.

A funny thing is that the following entry- which took place pretty much immediately after my fling (Karen) and I had started getting romantic - 08-04-16 Surviving the Ocean Quest in the desert - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views Actually occurred simultaneously with my then fling having a reciprocal dream, of being taken to the desert by frightening shadow figures that gave her the mission to gather all the animals for the ship. Now I am aware this synchronisation makes more sense to me on a subjective level – we had been practising trying to dream share, and a lot of themes in the dreams were in line with what was happening in our waking lives – however even if this is disregarded this is the first appearance of the “Dino theme”.

Specifically the purple dinos shooting an assortment of weaponry at my heart – which I at the time interpreted as a symbol of having my heart broken a couple of times in order to finally open up – seems to indeed have been at play, though increasing in complexity and meaning over the past year. Let me illustrate a bit further.

When the T-Rex and the Raptors start making their appearance, as I mentioned the relationship had moved in a friendly direction, which I told her I was OK with, but I was quietly mourning the loss I felt.

During this time as mentioned I had started seeing a rise in my consumption of cigarettes and cannabis. I felt stressed with my thesis and on top of this stress I was overwhelmed by the insights into myself and my shifting perspectives of the world through my world with Ayahuasca, and as such I sought to slow it all down a bit though the use of cigarettes and cannabis.

The Dino dreams appeared in between spouts of regular cannabis use, as I had a somewhat ambivalent relationship to this medicinal plant. On the one hand I was grateful for the visionary aspects and emotional teachings, at the other I was aware that it was stealing my dreams – although this latter aspect was sometimes a welcome aspect when I felt things were moving too quickly.

When I decided to summon the T-Rex I thought it was somehow related to my addictions, and it turned out accurate. However the transformation from T-Rex into my ex-fling added a twist I hadn't seen coming, which was the connection between addiction and love-relational issues.

From the first observation of my feeling responsible for the emotions of a lover, I immediately suspected that I was dealing with a pattern established in early childhood. Due to my parents' difficult relation my mother was always stressed and frequently displayed intense outbursts of anger. I particularly recall an episode – think I might have been 3-4 years old – where my sister and I were sat in our room on the floor and Mother comes down. She gets angry about the mess, picks up a play guitar and throws it across the room hitting my sister in the head, resulting in a hospital visit and a scar on her face. This and other incidents I hypothesise fostered the self-concept that “mother's emotions are dangerous, and I am responsible”.

Following the dream as I mentioned earlier I saw a striking connection between the fear of intimacy and my addictions, and around the same time I had another T-Rex dream, though he played a smaller part in this (as he transformed into a dragon and cleansed an entire island and evolutionary history through a fire bath). This dream heralded the cleansing phase I have gone through roughly the past year of getting acquainted with my relational fears, addressing them and letting go of old self images that no longer serve me.

During November of 2017 I had an Ayahuasca ceremony specifically directed towards examining my addictive behaviours. The themes that emerged were memories of my mother being very harsh on me playing as a boy – that she didn't have the energy required to play with me. As such I was forced to put a lid on my playful energy, which in adolescence transforms into sexual energy, resulting in great shame about my own emotional and sexual nature. Ayahuasca provided a definition of my addiction as “the behaviour that arise as a result of wanting to escape the constant narrative of self-loathing and self-blame”. The self-blame I have already discussed, the self-loathing is partly directed at the feeling that sexual and playful aspects of me are “wrong”.

I would later be presented with my dad's contribution towards the ease with which I accepted the “I am wrong” self-concept, though that will be a different story, though basically it has to do with him (a) raising me through commands; (b) never complimenting me on anything; (c) always questioning whether or not I had performed a certain task; (d) being critical on anything that deviates from the norms he deems liveable.

Let me quickly add that I love and adore both of my parents, who supports me like rocks in their own respective ways. A deep realisation on this spiritual path has been that most of the times our behaviour arise out of conditioned responses we are not to be blamed for. My parents did the best with what they had available, it isn't a question of them not loving me.

In February 2017 I met F. There was a striking explosion of energy running through my body at our first embrace and as I mentioned she is the first woman I have slept next to – we have never had physical sex – that I felt not only comfortable sleeping against, but good.

We started out helping one another with the processes of Ayahuasca, but after about a month it became clear that there was a deeper connection. It turned romantic and sensual, but a series of complications eventually led to this romantic aspect destabilising.

The T-Rex dream where he presents a meditation pillow I hypothesise – according to the Jungian notion that dreams can have a prospective, future development directed meaning – was a way for me to truly observe the nature of my relational problems.

During our romantic affiliation I started feeling insecure, as she was still entangled with her boyfriend. She had stated that she wanted him out of the house and leaving him, as well as not feeling comfortable with his touch and being intimate with him. This in my mind made him an Ex-Boyfriend and I believed that this was the path she wanted to go down, however it quickly changed into something else where it became obvious that he would be spending a significant amount of time with her, sleeping in the same bed as her.

I felt like she was manipulating me, using me to instigate changes in him so he could become a better boyfriend to her. I was confused about her pulling back when our kissing, cuddling and petting got intense resulting in us never having anything but clothes-on-energetic sex (which however was a very powerful and potent experience for both of us I believe).

Following a week at her parents I was headed to the aforementioned education during a weekend, she slept with her boyfriend. There were quasi-valid reasons for her doing so, but I felt betrayed as we had in my mind agreed to a monogamous structure, although I had been open towards a more open constellation. I ended up forgiving her, with a few demands as to how our future relation – and the one she had towards her boyfriend – should look like. Demands initially met, but quickly broken.

This started the hell ride into jealousy, romantic ideation, mistrust and pain. I went into it with full consciousness and journalled about it vigorously. I saw how I didn't have energy to do anything but wait around hopefully for a message, constructing fantasies about her activities when she didn't contact me etc.

The point is not to arrive at a blame game, I have come to realise it takes two to tango and I have been overly focused on my own workings in this process, but this has been a profitable approach – as it is indeed the only thing I can ever change.

What I saw was that F quickly became my entire world. I felt love, and I felt terrified to loose it. She became an object I perceived would be able to fulfil my deepest yearning, to feel loved and appreciated – and I clung to her, constantly trying to get the relationship defined in ways that would guarantee the safety that she would be there to fulfil my needs. I became obsessed with having sex with her, I felt that it would make up for the shameful aspect of her having cheated on me. I saw how I was feeling the familiar feeling of anxiety of her leaving me as this “is the last chance for love” and similarly that she would move onto someone else the minute someone better came around – which would be pretty quick. These last observations illuminate a self-concept totally deprived of feelings of self-worth or feeling of being worthy of love an appreciation by another human being. I saw how I through expending all my energy on worrying about her behaviour, waiting for messages became fatigued and tired and couldn't keep up work on my own projects, which I abandoned.

There is much more information to the story, but I eventually arrived at a point where we had a conversation. In this she informed me of three key things that made me realise I had to quit the contact. She felt guilty towards her (ex)-boyfriend when she was with me, that she didn't really want him to understand that it was over and she couldn't promise she was never going to want to be with him again.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I was in so much pain and missed her like crazy. Following this quitting of contact I started working with the last of my addictions – which is sort of a tricky one – which is the tendency to intellectualise situations arriving at a conceptual understanding of things which put me in a positive lighting. Self-centered and also grounded in placing value in the opinions of others.

Gradually as these addictions fell away I was confronted with my underlying anxiety. I never knew myself to be a person experiencing anxiety, but that was what the addictions were for I suppose. I spent a few months experiencing extreme states of panic, which included a fear of dying, a fear of being abandoned at a future dimensional shift, as well as being rejected and abandoned in a romantic sense. It took a lot of breathing and being with the fear and panic and I was incapable of performing even the slightest actions that dealt with finding jobs, new residence or worldly matters in general.

Things got better, I still experience fear and anxiety, but when I do now I don't panic and try to get rid of it, rather I breathe into it and try and understand what it is trying to tell me and it seems a lot of things are shifting within.

I am back in contact with F, I love her, love the contact and am trying to manage my romantic inclinations towards her consciously, which at present involves awareness of how desire towards a particular outcome with her (ending up n a romantic relation) can result in suffering through envy and jealousy.

To come full circle back to the dreaming the present story illustrates the process by which working actively with intention, lucidity and analytical interpretation of certain dream themes that crop up repeatedly can help bring visibility to the sub conscious processes that govern our behaviour. I went through the process alone, yet I feel that had I not been so stubborn and approached someone with knowledge in these areas I could have progressed much quicker, perhaps even saving an intimate relationship in the process.

This dream was what I recalled this morning following the intention: My intention for tonight is first and foremost to wake up and remember my dreams. Secondly I feel like I am approaching a cross-roads and I feel uncertain about where to place my efforts, so I would be thrilled with some assistance from my dreams in this respect. But foremost I trust my dreams and want to remember whatever they bring. It feels as if it is relevant somehow and I will use it as an opportunity to practise both descriptive evocative writing as well as Jungian interpretation methods.

I am pondering the idea of going to Mexico, which appears much as you perceive a fantasy or mnemonic ideation in the waking state – the incipient sense of an image, a map perhaps, appearing before my inner eye.

I direct my attention outwards and find myself in the passenger seat in Steen's silver-grey car, although I am inside the car I can clearly see the matte nuance of the silver grey colour on the outside of the car. My dad is in the back seat, and he seems gleeful and excited though he doesn't say or do much during the dream. We are going on a trip, and my dad and Steen are there helping me out, as it is mainly me going on a mission.

It is pouring down outside, it is clouded and grey, which produce a darkish hue. We are at a ticket office, which resembles a mixture between a gas station and a junk food drive in. There are two protruding window tills on our right hand side and above an almost square section of roofing is covering the pavement next to the windows, providing some cover for the rain outside.

We drive slowly towards the first of the two window tills – one for ordering another for picking up the tickets – and as we do I feel something bump into the car towards the back, which also produce a mild audible thump. I look out the window and backwards to see if Steen has accidentally hit one of the massive concrete columns extending from the building. He is really close but I can't see any damage done to the car.

I lean back in and Steen switches on the radio and the GPS system. The audio-scape is flooded with remnants of old mobile conversations, radio clatter and noise. I feel uneasy and a bit confused, as it is supposed to be a GPS system, providing guidance. Steen remains rather calm and composed and simply asks the GPS if it is there, and it dawns on me that it is a voice activated system.

“I am here” a clear loud and direct female voice responds, which is a tremendous reassurance.

Steen proceeds to drive forward and I wonder why I don't have to open the window to get the ticket. “It isn't necessary when you have one of these” he says and points to a rectangular electronic device, with an old school digital display in the bottom right corner of the front window, just in front of me as it would seem. It is essentially a device that registers that he has been here and automatically charges him for the ferry ride, which is what the ticket office is for.

“So we are going to Iceland” he says, and I feel at first excited, but then a bit concerned because we will be sailing and we are supposed to go to either Mexico or the Faeroe Islands as well today and I am afraid we won't have time. I think about this only briefly before relinquishing the thought at aspiration to do all of these things.

We look at a map and a black marker line appears that takes us from the ticket office “to Odden” which on the map is a full scale island, elongated and egg shaped except for a very pointed en on the right hand side. The black line takes us to the top and centre of the island, where the port town is based, from where we will board the ferry to Iceland.

End of dream.

In this interpretation I will start by breaking down the dream into its constituent motifs, and run free associations on them.

There is a preceding map, an idea of a journey – which implies a plan and a set destination it also represents an overview of a trip, which can symbolise knowledge of where I am going in life. This is particularly salient as I am taken somewhere else than what I had “mapped out”, which excites me although the expectation of having to go somewhere specific within a given time frame becomes a source of frustration and tension/restlessness.

The car is a solid and large station car, it is silver grey – the colour symbolising the silver grey snake-like pathway through space I frequently perceive in meditation, cannabis and psychedelic states also symbolising the spiritual cord often reported as seen in OBEs.

The car is a symbol of my body, it is in good shape and the fact that my dad has been relegated to the back seat can be an expression of our recent confrontations and my insights on how he has dominated the development of my low self-esteem though his parenting style. He is now put in the back seat, representing that I still carry him with me and care for his approval and love, yet this aspect is no longer the driving motivating psychic energy for my aspirations for life – such as “save the world and become super famous”, which is simply a conditioned tendency I have developed as I felt under appreciated and unseen as a child.

Steen is an old friend of the family, both my mum and dad – I associate to him that he recently helped me out with cheaply renting his summer house to me following an Ayahuasca journey where I wanted to stop smoking and I didn't feel for returning to my parents' house where I currently live right after. At this time he said to me that he sees how my dad communicates to people and told me that one would get insane living in that environment constantly, which felt extremely pleasant to hear as someone external with knowledge of my dad seemed to understand how hard it can be. Recently my mother expressed – in a sober state – that it can be extremely challenging for her to live in that and that friends of the family finds it a challenge to be around him as well. With Steen in the driver's seat I feel that I have taken a step towards taking control of my life and am grateful for the moral support of individuating myself from my dad, who has – without fault of his own or even consciously – dominated much of my life, through establishing uncertainty both with regards to a fragile self-esteem but also the messianic and grandiose drive to save the world to finally be worthy of his admiration and love. Steen represents a new found aspect of myself that is compassionate and understanding towards why I have turned out as I did as well as the drive to liberate myself from the clutches of my dad.

The rain outside symbolise a torrential state of affairs with regards to my emotions – since my last Ayahuasca journey it is as if a lid has been removed and my libido is now coursing freely upwards, which result in more passionate responses and an easier time setting boundaries. It could also symbolise the fact that I am expending a lot of emotional energy in response to external uncontrollable aspects of the world, which is reminiscent of the saviour complex alluded to earlier.

The ticket office could symbolise a public institution, such as the Health Authorities which I have recently been in contact with, with regards Ayahuasca. I might be approaching, or at least that is how I perceive it, a point where I am close to getting in trouble due to my enquiries, yet no harm is done yet. The whole point of issuing a ticket could represent my thinking on Ayahuasca's precarious legal status and potentially in the future thinking of a license model for practising, where the dream hints at that license is nothing that comes from the outside but an internal license, a calling (electronic ticket system).

The GPS and radio system is particularly interesting to me. The clatter represents conditioned thinking and the attention I pay to outward clues for finding out how to direct my life. However when I look closely the “ancient mother” (female GPS voice) is there and is capable of taking me in the direction I need to go. The trick is to ask and learn to listen for what is coming from within and ignore restrictions I put on myself based on external sources of esteem and approval.

The fact that I am concerned with the duration of the trip represents a problematic aspect of how I relate to life in an impatient way. I am lacking trust in life unfolding as it is supposed to. This is related again to the map I saw in the beginning of the dream, which representative of how I tend to construct expectations of how life SHOULD unfold and I am operating under an assumption that I need to go somewhere specific and I need to go there quickly. In essence this result in an escapist approach to life, where I am not allowing it to unfold on its own terms and cannot fully embrace and meet events in a curious, compassionate and open way.

The end of the dream I see the ocean and the beach sort of imaginatively overlapped onto the map with the black line. I take it to symbolise that I am still in the process of letting go of my tendency to construct expectations and narrow definitions of success, but I will shortly arrive at a position where I let go and let Life overcome me and simply concede to the abrupt changes that are about to happen, with excited anticipation and joy in letting whatever happens happen. The fact that it is a sailing trip could represent a recognition of the potent force of the collective unconscious, and my submitting the stubborn fantasy that I am in control and surrendering to the collective collected wisdom of the evolution of Life itself.

Reconstructing the meaning from associated and elaborated ideas.

So a potential message from the dream could be that I am still constructing expectations of where and how life should take me. This becomes a source of frustration when I run into unexpected opportunities and twists of fate.

My dad has been a source for grandiose and messianic ideation, due to his belittling and command-like style of communication, from where he will never explain why he commands, reminds, reprimands, but simply asserts himself in a supercilious tone of voice. Since we have widely different interests in life and he has proclaimed that he has no interest (or capacity) in trying to understand me I have since very early childhood developed these tendencies as a way to garner his approval, which is already there he has just never shown it in a way I could understand it when younger. The fact that he is relegated to the back seat symbolise that I am relegating the grandiose and very ambitious saviour identities – and associated expectancies – to a position where they are no longer “driving me”.

The downpour contrasted with the comfortable, sturdy and undamaged quality of the silver grey car, can symbolise the progress I am making with meditation, where I have found an easier time dealing with painful emotions, as well as physical symptoms. They aren't allowed to penetrate to my core and when I continue the exercise I will strengthen my capacity to sift out the “radio clatter” (which can also signify the attribution of value to others' judgement of me) and listen to the voice of my heart, represented here by the Anima archetype, my deity in prayer – Mother Gaia.

The ticket office close call could symbolise that I need to tone down my activities with certain authorities to avoid getting in trouble, especially because I already have an inner license to pursue my dreams.

The trip to Iceland represents where I am headed next, which isn't a literal journey, although that might be fun also. In fact it might be very useful as it is Steen guiding me, which could mean a pointer to a place of safe haven, which he provided following my last Ayahuasca journey. However I have also recently considered reading up on mythology to get a better understanding of the empirical data that underpins the theory of the archetypes. This journey serves as a pointer towards examining Nordic mythology and shamanistic/divination cultural history.

In short. With particular reference to the intention here I am being reminded that uncertainty is OK, cause if I try and envision or anticipate a direction I will form an expectation, which will lead to suffering when life takes me elsewhere. As long as I listen to my inner voice the direction is guaranteed, so I should just continue the work of being better at letting go of old ways of thinking and sharpen my attention on what matters instead of the clatter. Then a further dive into the Nordic mythology is in store.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

“Imprinting a tiger”

In the dusk I find myself walking into a garden. Et is elongated and narrow and towards the end there is a house. I look to my right into the hedge. At the grass I see a female duck and below her chest a small duckling that soon meets my eye. As we lock our eyes together the duckling starts a trip out into the uncut grass towards where I am now sat down. Behind it follows it’s mother, trying to establish contact with little luck as it seems the duckling has already imprinted me as its mother.

I feel both excited and ashamed. I feel guilty for robbing the duck of the chance to bond with its off spring, but also excited and joyful of my own bonding with the creature. I look down at its little beak and let it push its body against my knees and one of my hands. Then I look up at its mother and try and stroke its chest. It lets me, but with an air of calculative anticipation and scepticism, which makes me apprehensive, if persistent.

I then look down again at the duckling. I don’t recognise the absurdity that the creature has now transformed into a miniature Tiger of maybe 10-12 cm in length and is crawling about on my right thigh. When I look up at the mother duck again to explain that I am deeply sorry that I have stolen her chance to bond with her infant.

When I look up mother duck is now wearing glasses and a pearl necklace, and quite frankly it would be impossible to describe if she looks more like a duck than a human. She explains “That is OK I had a clutch 3 months ago.” and frankly she sounds relieved.

“Travelling in trains with Liv”

Fragment:

I am standing on a lengthy and wide platform on a train station. It is morning and the lighting foretells of a sunny day, which has yet to breach the foggy clouds above and around. It seems like late spring or summer. I am standing with Liv and we are going somewhere. The conversation we are having is about finding the right train.

There is more to the dream, though I recall nothing but this fragment.

“Getting to the shore, 4 metal objects in the water”

Fragment:

I am on the water. The sun is bright and the ocean water which I am on is very bright and lightly blue. Up ahead I see a beach, a wide and almost white sandy beach. I think my Dad is there with me and he asks:

“Do you remember us being here?”

I look up towards the right and in the distance gaze upon a little island around 50-100 metres from the shore. As the foliage behind the beach the island is covered in lustrous trees and other greenery. I remember this place, I have indeed been here before.

(In writing this I recall a dream of way back, perhaps detailed somewhere within this journal. I am in Holstebro, where we throw our family reunions, and as I walk down the forest pathway that in waking life take you to the river in the dream it takes me to a cove. From this cove I rush across the open water to an Island, which is the one I see in this dream.)

I jump out in to the water and submerge myself. Light penetrates the surface and everything looks very bright, if blurry beneath. I loose four metal objects I have in my pocket and for a moment worry if I still have my phone in my pocket. I check that it is empty and then sweep the sand below and pull up the objects, where one of them is a key. Then I head for the beach.

End of dream/recall

“Jumping from the roofs”

I am in a large apartment complex with Sadist Simon. We are in an attic room that protrudes from the otherwise diagonal walls, the windows here are large and fully open and just under the windows there is a small area of the roof that isn’t as diagonal as the rest, in fact it is almost plane. We need to get to the ground and there is a fair amount of distance to the grass below. The weather seems cloudy, but dry and bright and we are going to town once we get down.

We exit the room and get to the plane spot. At first I look down and think I can simply jump it, but then I get anxious and nervous and think I will most certainly break my legs if I do so. We are on the third (second in Danish terms) floor and the building extends on both the right and left side, sort of forming a horseshoe of the grass below.

Simon then walks out on a very narrow black ledge on the part of the building complex extending on the right. He does a small jump and land on a wider black ledge a level down before he jumps to the grass.

I am impressed and slightly jealous of his courage. I walk out on the plane roof – very tentatively – and weigh my options. On the left hand side there is a series of roof tops that progressively make their way towards the grass out towards the road at the end. I make a short run and jump onto this roof section and find it smooth sailing from there.

The dream repeats once or maybe twice, with increasing levels of anxiety towards stepping out onto the plane section of the red tiled roof and Simon constantly in a confident manner making the small jump that I don’t dare doing. At one point he mentions “I just trust that I will land safe”.

“A weed field and cops”

I am coming out of a forest in the middle of the night. Someone is with me, it feels like an apprentice, student or disciple of some sort. It is dark, and it feels cloudy – no stars. In front of me I see a long rectangular field, that seems recently ploughed though also with sprouts of plants coming through.

In front of the field is a road, which runs next to the field and white farmhouse at the end of the field. The road continues down through the forest from where we are stepping out. I look up and see a couple of cars driving down the road taking parking next to the field, close to the farm house. What stands out is the bright blue sirens blaring from atop the vehicles.

“Ah the police is finally here” I proclaim to my assistant.
“What are you going to do?” he responds in a nervous and concerned tone of voice.
“Well I am going to go and talk to them, put the cards on the table” I say, mustering as much relaxation as I can. I am feeling slightly nervous myself, but also recognise that there is really nothing I can do aside from being honest about the situation.

So I walk up and find a couple of officers. One of them is a woman, I think the other is a man. I feel they are tense and uneasy, so I hold up my hands in a gesture of surrender putting as much as I can into displaying a body language of truce and no-harm as possible. The officers relax a little as they approach in a cooperative manner and start their spiel.

“You are under suspicion for growing skunk, and it seems obvious you are guilty.” He introduce. And it seems fair in all honesty. As he is talking the fields we are now waling in have changed to accommodate several metre tall cannabis plants.
“Ah yes officer, let me assure you that I will provide full cooperation” I start out. And then I think of a loop-hole. The officers think they have struck gold, but they are only interested in skunk. What they don’t realise is that all the plants in the field are simply cannabis/hemp plants and not illegal.
“I do have a couple of skunk plants in the greenhouse. Follow me” I say.
They follow and we get to the very end of the indoor section of the grow chamber. Right next to a white door with 8-10 square windows in it is a small square pot of cannabis. The plants are very small and I lift up the pot and hand it to the officer nearest. “Here is the skunk. Now as for the rest of the plants they are industrial hemp plants and as such not illegal, as you surely know.” I say and while the officer look at me confused and disappointed, but also defeatedly accepting my argument. I think to myself that they have no idea that I can get more than high using the industrial stuff seeing as my tolerance have been lowered considerably since my Ayahuasca exposures.

Dream ends.

“Get out of my room”

I am standing in my room. It is a rectangular space, very bright white walls from the sun shining through the panoramic window that spans the entirety of the end wall. My door is open and all of a sudden my uncle Kurt comes rushing in. I get embarrassed. The room is very untidy, there is loads of stuff on the floor and both the doors to the floor-to-ceiling closet lining the wall opposite the window are open and it is a mess in there. I step away from looking at my closet and turn to face him and as I do my father comes in close pursuit of my Uncle. I step up and start walking towards them. “Get out, OUT!” I tell them firmly as I raise my arms, stretch them out with palms raised towards my Uncle as I gently start pushing them back out of the room.

“Your room is very untidy!!” My dad starts, but I ignore it. I feel nervous and anxious, my heart is raising and my thinking seems flustered. I see this as an opportunity to stand up for myself and claim my own space, and do with it what I want.

As soon as they – in particular my uncle – are out of the room the doors slam shut violently. I am shocked and experience a surge of adrenaline travelling up my body and I open my eyes widely. I look about as the thought arise this must be because of the draught, and as I turn my head even further over left shoulder I see that the window is indeed wide open and I get the picture that this is the case for the entire house.

The dream ends.

“You are the tank”

I am with a small party of people in a typical WoW style set-up, though I think we may only be four. I think I am both of the people having the discussion that plays out in the scenario, though it is observed from an external disembodied POV.

We are standing in a somewhat dark living space. It may be a combined kitchen, lounge and living room and there is loads of different objects placed on the tables and other surfaces around us. We have just returned from a raid or a mission of some sort and we have had success, though there is a feeling of excitement running around, a result of our recent experiences having been hairy and risky.

I am discussing with a tall, lean (but muscular) and black haired guy. In writing this I think I take on the agency of the other person, though still from a disembodied perspective. I am explaining to the tall guy that he actually took on the role of protecting us. He seems a bit disappointed, or maybe surprised at this and we rummage around in the space and find a shield. I hook it on a 2D figure of the guy, who is now also the person and across his chest is written something along the lines of “Focus your attention on me, I shall protect my allies” or similar. I walk about a little more until I find a helmet and put it on the figure, finalising his initiation as the tank.

Then I walk about trying to find DPS gear, which starts out with a black leather tunic.

The dream ends.

“My men have it handled”

This dream primarily took place from a bodiless observer perspective.

In this snippet I am involved, might even be leading a band of outlaws. We are on horses and approach a transport protected by a fair amount of warriors on horses. There is of course a medieval feel to the scenario, which takes place in a fairly barren – with sporadic blotches of grass –, rocky and jagged mountain pass. It feels like early forenoon under a sunny cloudless sky.

As we approach the carriage the dream shifts immediately into the wagon. In it is a fat, balding, hedonistic and cynical noble, lying down amongst pillows blankets and mattresses in soft warm lighting. He is dressed in a soft grey robe of sorts and he seems to be gorging himself on some sort of food. He oozes content for peasants and lesser subjects. He is approached by an advisor of sorts, who explains that the carriage has come under attack, with some concern in his voice. With some arrogance, and mild irritation at the disturbance the nobleman responds “Bah! This rabble is no match for my trained men.”

There is a shift in narrative. I am now embodied in one of the guardsmen protecting the carriage. I am standing on the road in the jagged scenery observing the carriage and horses driving away up a fairly steep mountain road. I am with my comrades and the noble and we have all been stripped down to our underwear – which is white boxers all around. In the air a heavy vibe of embarrassment and defeat is palpable. For some reason we have to climb a vertical strip of cliff, it is almost as a wall, as on the top it is completely flat and plane. From where I am climbing up I experience slight difficulty in getting up to the flat plane. A thin layer of snow covers the edges of the precipice and aside from this the planes are covered in a thin layer of water where the light grey surface of the rock doesn’t take up visual space. The wall-like cliff side I have just climbed curves backwards to my left and I get a vision of a castle-like town over my left hand shoulder. The embarrassment arise as a result of knowing that we now have to go back and report the encounter to our leaders here.

End of dream.

I am in a large building, a mall. It seems to have two primary sections that consists of a tower like structure including a parking cellar. Between the two tower sections is an elongated section of one or two stories, there are cafés and similar non-hard-goods shops. It is dark, there are a lot of people around that I know. We are there for the bar environment – it is as if it has a clubbing space inside one of the towers towards the ground floor. I am slightly on edge, flaky and restless – though not in a debilitating or severe way. The affective state I think is a result of me being confused about the interior of the building I am having a hard time finding my way about.

In the clubbing area there is a mixture of objects, some that seem to create a square or night-time-economy like feel, like outdoor lamps, signs tables and chairs. But there are also couches and fabric based furniture. There is a dim, but warm light surrounding the place, though the outside bar I am headed towards seem to be illuminated more intensely than the rest of the place. Kaiser is at the bar, I think he is waiting for his father to arrive. I go to sit down.

There are a few instances that occur, though I know not the temporal order.

The first is a reminder that I will have to get out cash, specifically pounds, as it will be easier to pay in the bars and shops if I have maybe 20-30 quid.

I am walking about in the overall mall structure – aware of the two towers layout – but I am confused as to where to go. I seem to find a lot of hallways meant to be behind the shop facades.

I am on the top of one of the towers. The light is grey, dusk. I am on a circular parking lot. There is a huge swing door providing entry to the mall, though it also seems like it is for the cars parked there.

I am walking around the circular lot. There are a lot of ethnic minorities – young people – walking about. They are wearing loose clothing, sweat pants and hoodies and generally seem to come across like gang related individuals. I feel anxious, on edge – constantly monitoring my surroundings to check if they will be attacking or approaching me – paranoid. I keep walking around and I start seeing people looking at me. In particular I remember two people wlking from the peripheral ring towards the centre of the tower, they glance at me and they seem intent on me as well.

Then a car come driving in – it is a light blue, almost turqoise or maybe that is the colour of the parked car, maybe both of them are this colour – and it rams into the side of a parked car. From my perspective there is no doubt it is deliberate. The driver gets out and approach the parked car's owner. I don't see a lot more. I turn around, anxious to get away, I start making my way around the lot towards the swing door entry. As I am making my way around I notice some obstructive structures, like spokes between the centre and the peripheral. As I am walking I notice that by now all the people are looking at me and walking towards me at a slow, but steady pace. And so I speed up and make my way inside.
….

When inside the dream shift theme. I am now in a dorm, a row of beds standing on both sides of the room. It is rather bright and everything in the room is pretty much white. I get the sense I am on like the top floor of the building. In the other beds there are people I know, from my high-school class in particular, but maybe also others from primary school.

Looking up to my left towards the door of the room I see Kirsten Busk enter the room. She looks about smiling asking what we are doing, and I sense she is keen to get moving.

“We are tensing off” – as you would following a yoga session, I say. A woman, next to Anne, turns her head and nods to me and indicate that it was a clever remark.

I am lying next to Anne Tøtrup. She is trying to kiss me, yet I miss the cue and when I try to revive it she is non-compliant. It is a playful encounter, mirroring the general atmosphere and my affective state. Young, free and uncaring – and a tad rebellious against the teachers who are there to make sure we have a safe field trip.

…

There is a skip and in the next room there is a similar set-up to the one just described. Except there is less white, more oakish dark colours as well as light tree. I enter the room and head towards the end of it where the beds are no longer separate but conjoined, which gives them a longer resting area to lie on. On the bed there is a light blue and white striped mattress running the entire length of the bed.
There is a guy with me – he seems dependent on me, or following me to some extent – and I say: “Well we might as well head towards the back, it seemed to work well the last time” in reference to the previously described aspect of the dream. And so I start working my way back.

On the way there I stop up and I see Esther van Santen get in one of the beds. I stop to think to myself “That is Esther” and at the edge of my consciousness I am ware that she is dead.
…

There is a brief session of running parcour, or more specifically I am looking for ways to do it – thinking I am awake. In the end I am at a rectangular exit/window at one of the towers, there is no door or glass in it. I close my eyes and expect to start soaring, feeling anxious.

I only remember a single fragment, but it was a rather powerful vision/exit dream. Got up maybe 10 minutes ago, still blurry and associative fluid.

I see a vision of expanding consciousness, it is expanding into light from the top of my perceptual field. There is a brief moment of pre-verbal reflection on my increased capacity to enter these expanded quasi-mystical states.

An image appear, or rather it is a translucent spectral scenario, set against the backdrop of the fluid shadows in darkness at the back of my eye lids.

It is a river bank, the river is wide, it is the Amazon. The trees are in-differentiable, there are so many. The image twirls inwards on itself as slightly to my left The Golden Python makes a brief appearance, she has business with me. Intent is clear, content incipient – I hear you Mother!

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

I am in a basement. There are a series of 3 rooms next to one another, used for sexual activity. We are 3 couples coming out of each of these, though I am unsure if I am with someone at this point. From the 3 rooms we enter into a larger room and head towards a door on the right hand side.

We are talking about a larger sex assemble which is to take place in a bit. I know I won't be participating and I think there is another woman who won't either and so while I am exiting the room I look over my left hand shoulder to spot and make sure that the woman is leaving the room with me.

4-5 people go back into the room, while the woman and I remain in the adjacent room. This room is darkly illuminated. There is a sofa and an oblong coffee table next to a dividing wall that separate the larger floor plan into two major rooms – where we have just been in the other one. From the point of view of the sofa, which is located at the centre of the dividing wall there is a small kitchenette up to the right, right next to a door that leads into a room I never see, but notice that a fairly bright white light is flowing from it.

As we all walk out for a break the woman who is also not participating in the group session – she is very skinny, with shoulder length hair and is wearing loose beige (?) trousers and a dark green t-shirt, she is a head or two shorter than I – tell me in an asking tone “Is it ok if we don't have sex but just cuddle up a bit.” “Sure” I reply, a tad disappointed, but not a lot.

We sit down in the sofa in our separate corners. She lies down with her head in my lap and flick on the television, which is over right next to the kitchenette on the left hand side – opposite the door with the white light. The first channel is a two way channel – which is intended to show the other room what is happening in ours and we will be allowed what is happening in the other room. The woman tries to flick through the channels – at first we seem to be stuck on the channel we start out with – but when we finally get going there seems to be porn on all the channels. After having flicked through a couple we settle on the two way channel.

At this the woman turns frisky and direct her attention towards me, she turns her head upwards and kiss me, gently at first but with increasing vigour. We both start opening our mouths more and more and eventually I feel the cold sore at my left corner of my mouth rip open, a typical searing pain and a slight sensation of moisture, but I don't care I continue to dive into the kiss – feeling excited and horny as hell. Eventually I start adjusting my body posture, trying to roll with the woman into the motion of getting down into a laying down position – thinking yes, nice a sexual encounter is in the making. She reacts fiercely standing up in the sofa and starts rearranging the pillows in the sofa. At first I think she is making more room for our endeavours, but I soon understand.

“Traitor!” she proclaims “We had an agreement!” she continues.
“Yes, and I was going to keep it, but..” I reply.
“You can't be trusted!” She interrupts. She doesn't seem to understand that I really didn't mind not engaging in a sexual encounter but that I was fully open to do so if that is what she wanted. The situation had evolved from her desire and her initiative.

Feeling it is a lost battle I simply place myself in a tailors position in my end of the sofa and look her in the eyes – she has deep brown eyes. She starts talking about something that happened to her with her dad.

Sensing that it is a recurring pattern I ask her;

“So did this or something similar happen with your dad before?” I ask, sensing there is something like a fear of flying.
“There was an accident” she goes on – at this point the conversation is blurry to my memory – and she explains that either something similar happened at the age of 6, or later at the age of 21 – but essentially she is either saying that something happened before or after, with the other age representing the first event we were talking about. She starts looking rather pale, and slightly taken aback, I can see the surprise in her eyes that I am willing to sit back and talk therapeutically with her despite her recent judgement of me as being a traitor – which might actually refer to a generalisation of men she has developed.

We are interrupted at the conclusion of the sexual adventure happening behind us. There is a large window, with large black curtains obstructing the view. I start becoming aware of sounds from inside there, just a few moments before they enter the room we are sat in. I get a feeling of some sadomasochistic adventures happening and feel a slightly forced disinterest in knowing about the details.

When the people come out and start making their way towards the kitchenette, Jackie comes over to sit down, as well as a black man with long dreadlocks, though his hair isn't as greasy as you would expect from this hair style. I feel slightly embarrassed as I am no longer wearing my trousers and pants, though I still have my long woollen socks on. The black dude knocks me on my shoulder, and Jackie comes over with a glass of Orange juice and playfully say “Ahh it is good to see you asking for so much to drink” referring to it being a typical expression of recently having had sex and also to the glass of water I had drunk just a little beforehand.

I have a blanket covering my genital area, which helps with the embarrassment, but I also feel deceitful for the others misjudging the activity me and the woman were engaging in. From the kitchenette they start talking about their fascination with a flail-like whip, which is what they plan on using next.

I feel a strong urge to get out of there and I start making my way towards the doorway out, which is on the left hand side – leading into a small stairway, which is gloomily lit and dark green.

There is a slight skip.

I am now outside. I am walking down a road, there are trees and hedges along the side walk, and it is sloping downwards as I am walking down on the left hand side. It is dark outside, it seems wet and somewhat windy as well, it is raining. The light from the street lights seems gloomy and contains no warmth.

I continue walking downwards, having a conversation with Ronan, though he isn't actually present. We are talking about the option of setting up a company each, for 5 kroner, and then swapping companies – somehow this is relating to the treatment centre I am about to start up – and I am surprised he agrees. I recall something about a Facebook conversation where we were chatting and we came to the conclusion that the only thing we might have in common is Aesthetic taste, but that this might be cause enough to meet up anyway.

- this is relating to an earlier dream I had, the conversation took place at a street close to where I lived previously, lots of yellow building about, during the daylight. I recall the trouble of typing during this dream.

As I am walking along during this mental/technological conversation I come across a tent. It reminds me of the attached tent of a caravan. It is dark blue and from behind the plastic windows a greyish and eerie light shines through. I am aware of the strings that hold the tent in place, as they are extending out to the road blocking the path of the side walk forcing me to walk around them.

I am still heading down the road when I become aware of my shoes – they are getting wet and I wonder why I am wearing my slippers outside in this god forsaken weather. I look up and to my left and see the state library – rising above the darkness of the tree lines, with only a hint of the light of the street lights reaching the top like an ominous tower. I feel an increasing sense of unease, but carry on downwards.

Not long after this the water levels are rising and I feel like I know the bottom of the road will be completely flooded, blocking path to get home. I look up and back over my right hand shoulder and spot the road I can take which will also take me home. I turn around and start walking backwards. I feel like my vision is starting to slip – like fade completely – and I become increasingly afraid that I will loose my sight completely. At the same time I start feeling intoxicated, like proper drunk and my movements become erratic and unbalanced and I desperately reach out grasping for the strings of the tent for support. And while I find them and grab them they can do little for me as my balance continues to deteriorate. I think it is a bit weird as I didn't drink a lot back at the porn complex, but I can feel that I have definitely breached all levels of safe intoxication. My conscious perception seems to turn into a series of broken mosaics, as if invisible lines of fractures appear before my visual and spatial perceptive capacities.

I become so scared at the rising water levels and my continued diminishing balance and think to myself “Shit I could actually drown in this state. I am a poster boy of how not to get drunk.” While entertaining this thought fear levels keep rising, and then boom – I step into a pothole that is maybe a metre and a half deep and find myself too drunk to get loose – fear becomes panic as I struggle to get free.

The rain keeps falling the water is murky, brown like the colour of mud and there are multiple pieces of foliage, sticks and branches adrift on the watery road.

Finding myself terrified and sure of my death, I wake up.

Immediate interpretation: The cold sore bit was hugely disturbing to me as I woke up and is referring to a situation with Karen recently, where I knowingly kissed her before telling her that I had it. I became immediately aware that I am not completely free of selfish tendencies, which is also related to the knowledge that when I am practising so much self control during sex, I am liable to release more pre-cum, which of course increase the risk of pregnancy during unprotected sex. Knowledge I have kept to myself. It symbolise how I have been willing to put my own selfish needs in front of both her and our needs, a tendency I was deeply ashamed of upon awakening.

The black curtain shielding the view of the other room in the dungeon represents a boundary – black, the colour of nothing – meaning that while I am intrigued with exploring new aspects of my sexuality there are still areas I don't find meaningful to explore. Only if I fear exploring it does it make sense to do so, though this is not a fear based response – it is simply not interesting to me.

My interaction with the woman represents some of my concerns with Karen – that she asks for space, and then also take initiative for sex. It represents my confusion with it all, but also my willingness to take up the role required for her personal growth. The tad dissapointment could represent my feeling of repressing my sexual advances towards her to accommodate her need for space.

The interaction with my embarrassment regarding the others who assume we have had sex, while we haven't I believe represent the uneasiness I have felt in describing my relation to Karen to the outside world. I am trying my best to avoid putting labels on it, and while I don't find this a problem in our personal relation or when talking to people who frequent Tantric environments it is difficult to describe this mode of being in a relation to “old” friends and family who are not participating in this new-found spiritual journey I find myself on. I am somewhat afraid of what Karen thinks – if she would prefer I don't mention her at all, though that would violate my need to be open about what is important and meaningful in my life.

The drowning in the puddle represents – I looked this up as well, I was aware of the meaning of water representing unconscious emotions surfacing – that I might be forcing the issue. Before looking up the theme I thought to myself “Hmm now you have invited her into your inner most private world, of course we dive straight into the dark side – as represented by the cold sore bit”. I then looked it up and it could mean that I am forcing unconscious feelings to the surface prematurely, which makes sense against my immediate thoughts on the matter. It might make sense to keep certain dreams or aspects of my dreams private – it is ironic that we have talked so much about giving and asking for space and we then end up attempting to dream share, effectively eliminating space between us entirely – however as I was awake and praying for the spiritual purification of selfish tendencies I also felt that it made sense to dive into this, as she could help me face the issues and as such transcend them.

Having looked up a variety of dream themes I am increasingly aware of the truly wide variation of what people interpret stuff to mean, which has led me to the conclusion that it is primarily the immediate interpretation that matters. When I am baffled by a theme, object, colour or person I will look it up as and when needed and find the one that resonates most clearly with me. I also think this is a great way to start working on making symbolisms of dreams more translatable and better capable of communicating clearly between the two states of consciousness. Also regarding the privacy I spoke with Karen, and it dawned on me that some dreams can only be understood when analysed against other dreams or contextual events, which might necessitate “sitting” on them for a while as already mentioned.