ATTN: TIM!

[hysteria]

ARTHUR


What manner of man are you that can conjure up fire without flint or tinder?





TIM


I am an enchanter.





ARTHUR looks at BEDEVERE.





ARTHUR


By what name are you known?





TIM


There are some who call me....Tim?





ARTHUR


Greetings Tim the Enchanter!

[Serinanth]

Oh dear god... what have you started


MIX THROUGH to ARTHUR and PATSY riding through the forest. They pass rune


stones. We TRACK with them. CLOSE-UPS of their faces as they ride.


MIX to another TRACKING SHOT of them riding through the forest. They


come to a clearing and stop, looking ahead intently. Their eyes light up.





Sound FX of fight.





CUT TO their eyeline. A clearing on the other side of which is a rough


wooden foot-bridge across a stream. At the start of the bridge a


tremendous fight is going on. A huge BLACK KNIGHT in black armour, his


face totally masked in a visor, is fighting a slightly smaller KNIGHT in


green armour. (Perhaps the GREEN KNIGHT's armour is identical to the


BLACK KNIGHT's save for the colour.)





CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY. They watch, growing more impressed


as they watch the fight.





CUT BACK TO the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT lunges at the BLACK KNIGHT, who


avoids the blow with a skillful side-step and parry, knocking the sword


out of the GREEN KNIGHT's hand.





CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY even more impressed.





CUT BACK TO the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT has drawn out a particularly nasty


mace or spiked ball and chain, much longer than the BLACK KNIGHT's sword.





ARTHUR narrows his eyes, wondering whether the BLACK KNIGHT will survive.





CUT BACK to the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT swings at the BLACK KNIGHT, who


ducks under the first swing, leaps over the second and starts to close


on the GREEN KNIGHT.





CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY watching like a tennis match. Sound FX of the


fight reaching a climax. Four almighty clangs. Then Silence.





CUT BACK to see the GREEN KNIGHT stretched out. The BLACK KNIGHT


sheathes his sword.





ARTHUR looks at PATSY. Nods and they move forward.





CUT BACK TO the BLACK KNIGHT picking up the GREEN KNIGHT above his head


and hurling him into the river. ARTHUR and PATSY approach him.





ARTHUR


You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.





| BLACK KNIGHT


| Who dares to challenge the Black Knight?


|


| ARTHUR


| I do not challenge you.





The BLACK KNIGHT stares impassively and says nothing.





ARTHUR


I am Arthur, King of the Britons.





Hint of a pause as he waits for a reaction which dosn't come. ARTHUR is


only slightly thrown.





... I seek the bravest and the finest knights in all


the world to join me in my court at Camelot ...





The BLACK KNIGHT remains silent





ARTHUR


You have proved yourself worthy. ... Will you join me?





Silence.





| ARTHUR


| A man of your strength and skill would be the chief of all


| my knights ...


|


| BLACK KNIGHT


| Never.


|


ARTHUR


You make me sad. But so be it. Come Patsy.





As he moves, the BLACK KNIGHT bars the way.





BLACK KNIGHT


None shall pass.





ARTHUR


What?





BLACK KNIGHT


None shall pass.





ARTHUR


I have no quarrel with you, brave Sir knight, but I must


cross this bridge.





BLACK KNIGHT


Then you shall die.





ARTHUR


I command you, as King of the Britons to stand aside.





BLACK KNIGHT


I move for no man.





ARTHUR


So be it!





ARTHUR draws his sword and approaches the BLACK KNIGHT. A furious fight


now starts lasting about fifteen seconds at which point ARTHUR delivers


a mighty blow which completely severs the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm at


the shoulder. ARTHUR steps back triumphantly.





ARTHUR


Now stand aside worthy adversary.





BLACK KNIGHT


(Glancing at his shoulder)


'Tis but a scratch.





ARTHUR


A scratch? Your arm's off.





BLACK KNIGHT


No, it isn't.





ARTHUR


(Pointing to the arm on ground)


Well, what's that then?





BLACK KNIGHT


I've had worse.





ARTHUR


You're a liar.





BLACK KNIGHT


Come on you pansy!





Another ten seconds furious fighting till ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHTS's


other arm off, also at the shoulder. The arm plus sword, lies on the ground.


ARTHUR


Victory is mine.


(sinking to his knees)


I thank thee O Lord that in thy ...





BLACK KNIGHT


Come on then.





ARTHUR


What?





He kicks ARTHUR hard on the side of the helmet. ARTHUR gets up still


holding his sword. The BLACK KNIGHT comes after him kicking.





ARTHUR


You are indeed brave Sir knight, but the fight is mine.





BLACK KNIGHT


Had enough?





ARTHUR


You stupid bastard. You havn't got any arms left.





BLACK KNIGHT


Course I have.





ARTHUR


Look!





BLACK KNIGHT


What! Just a flesh wound.


(kicks ARTHUR)





ARTHUR


Stop that.





BLACK KNIGHT


(kicking him)


Had enough ... ?





ARTHUR


I'll have your leg.





He is kicked.





Right!





The BLACK KNIGHT kicks him again and ARTHUR chops his leg off.


The BLACK KNIGHT keeps his balance with difficulty.





BLACK KNIGHT


I'll do you for that.





ARTHUR


You'll what ... ?





BLACK KNIGHT


Come Here.





ARTHUR


What are you going to do. bleed on me?





BLACK KNIGHT


I'm invincible!





ARTHUR


You're a looney.





BLACK KNIGHT


The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you!





ARTHUR takes his last leg off. The BLACK KNIGHT's body lands upright.





BLACK KNIGHT


All right, we'll call it a draw.





ARTHUR


Come, Patsy.





ARTHUR and PATSY start to cross the bridge.





BLACK KNIGHT


Running away eh? You yellow bastard, Come back here and take


what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

[hysteria]

ahhhh, welcome to the board, Tim the Enchanter.. :lol:

post often!

[Serinanth]

What... ridden on a horse?
Yes we have ridden from the snows of mercia..
You just bangin two empty halves of coconuts together!
Please tell you lord and master...
Look whered you get the coconuts?
we found them...
What in mercia?
The coconuts tropical
*yanks hands away from the keyboard*
Must resist..

[hysteria]

:lol:


TALL KNIGHT
We are the Knights Who Say "Ni"!
BEDEVERE
No! Not the Knights Who Say "Ni"!
TALL KNIGHT
The same!
ARTHUR
Who are they?
TALL KNIGHT
We are the keepers of the sacred words. NI ... Peng ... and Neee
... Wom!
BEDEVERE
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.
TALL KNIGHT
The Knights Who Say "Ni"! demand a sacrifice.
ARTHUR
(to the TALL KNIGHT)
Knights Who Say "Ni" ... we are but simple travelers. We seek the
Enchanter who lives beyond this wood and who ...
TALL KNIGHT
NI!
ARTHUR
(recoiling)
Oh!
TALL KNIGHT
NI! NI!
ARTHUR
(he cowers in fear)
Oh!
TALL KNIGHT
We shall say Ni! again to you if you do not appease us.
ARTHUR
All right! What do you want?
TALL KNIGHT
We want ... a shrubbery!
ARTHUR
A what?
TALL KNIGHT
Ni! Ni! Ni ... Peng ... Nee ... Wum!
The PAGES rear and snort and rattle their coconuts.
ARTHUR
All right! All right! ... No more, please. We will find you a shrubbery ...
TALL KNIGHT
You must return here with a shrubbery or else ... you shall not pass
through this wood alive!
ARTHUR
Thanks you, Knights Who Say Ni! You are fair and just. We will return
with a shrubbery.
TALL KNIGHT
One that looks nice.
ARTHUR
Of course.
TALL KNIGHT
And not too expensive.
ARTHUR
Yes ...
TALL KNIGHT
Now - go!
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE turn and ride off.
OTHER KNIGHTS
Ni! Ni!

[wasup]

Ya... I like that movie...

"I will fart in your generalll direcction!"

[Tim]

There are those that call me... TIM! THATS REALLY MY NAME ISNT THAT COOL?!

have you ever seen any other monty python movies? "and now for something completely different" is very funny, and so is "the meaning of life" and, of course, monty pythons flying circus!

[CT]

har, monty python is cool...

[icedawg]

Originally posted by Tim
There are those that call me... TIM! THATS REALLY MY NAME ISNT THAT COOL?!

yes, Tim, that is cool. :eh:

so anyway, i noticed a long long time ago, before i really returned to this board and knew anyone here, that you people were starting odd threads like this. i totally don't get it, at all; what the hell are you people talking about? and who's this Tim (if not our Tim)? :whyme:

'k bye

[hysteria]

Monty. Python.


derh.

[Lowercase Society]

Uh...3 my lord...5, 3 my lord. :lol:

[CT]

I've got some eppisodes on my HDD right here... heh awesome...

<drill seargant>

RIGHT! THIS IS THE BRITISH ARMY!
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DOO!

MARCHING UP AND DOWN THE SQUARE!

THAT IS, UNLESS YOU GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DOOOOOOOOO... ???

ANYBODY GOT SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THEN MARCHING, UP AND DOWN THE SQUARE???

DO YA, EH? GOT SOMETHING BETTER TO DO?

<soldier> Well... to be quite honest sir, I'd rather be with the wife and kids...

<sarge> WOULD YOU NOW?????

RIGHT!

OFF YOU GO THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Artelis]

Originally posted by wasup
Ya... I like that movie...

\"I will fart in your generalll direcction!\"

"Go avay, or I shall taunt you for a second time-ah!"

[Kaniaz]

I have no idea what you're all on about, so I'll give you the Oracle (from the matrix) and her Words of wisdom.

Oracle: f*** you.[/b]

[Dimmy]

to seri:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :-P

[WerBurN]

maybe they dont have Monty Python in Canadialand? ...btw shouldnt this post be in senseless banter Paperdoll? :P :roll: :D

[kittie11]

I love the movie Monty Python. :wink: [/quote]har, monty python is cool...

[Aphius]

Originally posted by WerBurN
btw shouldnt this post be in senseless banter Paperdoll? :P :roll: :D Nah. This thread makes perfect sense.

[hysteria]

when I made the thread, banter didn't exist.

[WerBurN]

well it should have, if only for this thread alone :P

[wasup]

Kittiedoll... you really have to learn how to use the quotes... :-P