ATM Instructions - Male vs Female

[Clairity]

I'm posting this for the guys who need a laugh and for the ladies who can handle it! (It's ALL in good fun)!! :D

A new sign in the Bank lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

[GestaltAlteration]

I laugh. :D

[Oneironaut]

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

LMFAO. Awesome. :chuckle:

[ThePhobiaViewed]

HAHA so true!

That sounds exactly like alot of girls I know.

[Burns]

It's sad to admit but a lot of women are like this :( I'm the irate driver in line behind them :P

[Idec Sdawkminn]

Geez, I bet that's true, too. Whenever I'm with someone and they have to wait for me to go to the ATM, they usually make sure I got the money out that I went there for. I assure them that I did, and they say something like, "Wow, that was fast, then." I usually press each button before I have a chance to read what the screen says because I know which button it's going to be. I never get a receipt.

[Mark75]

I'm offended. What is this, some kind of chauvinistic commentary? Don't try to push your misogynistic agendas here.

[Clairity]

I'm offended. What is this, some kind of chauvinistic commentary? Don't try to push your misogynistic agendas here.

:kiss:

[Identity X]

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.

This is of course impossible. Have you not used an ATM before? :P

[Idec Sdawkminn]

What are you talking about? Some ATMs make you insert the card halfway and then take it out right away, some make you swipe it, and some (like the one I use all the time) take it in all the way and then it spits it out once you have your cash and you hit the button to say you are done.

[Kromoh]

LOL now this is the funniest xD

[Man of Shred]

It's a known fact that some women are like this. When i go grocery shopping i always go through the aisle where middle aged guys are shopping. Why? because they already have their wallets out and cash ready.

Women take forever because when they get asked for payment they go "uhh let me find my cash" dig through their purse, make small talk etc.... It takes Forever.

I'm not trying to offend anyone but this is my experience.

[AlternateReality]

lol, my mom always complained that she couldn't reach it through the window.

[Identity X]

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.

This is of course impossible. Have you not used an ATM before? :P

What are you talking about? Some ATMs make you insert the card halfway and then take it out right away, some make you swipe it, and some (like the one I use all the time) take it in all the way and then it spits it out once you have your cash and you hit the button to say you are done.

Well,


In the first case, the machine will check that you have withdrawn the card.
In the second case, you cannot "retrieve" the card after the cash because you have no where to "retrieve" it from.
I do not believe the third case, but I'll take your word for it. This allows you to grab the cash and forget to take the card out; this was a design flaw in the original ATM and quickly fixed. All ATMs I have used in the UK force you to remove you card before you get the cash. Any ATM that does not do this is designed by a feckin' retard.

[Oneironaut]

A lot of the ATM's here in the states are like that. You put your card in, and it holds it until you are are done with your transaction. Then, it spits our your card and goes "beep beep beep beep" so you don't forget to remove your card.

[Clairity]

I do not believe the third case, but I'll take your word for it. This allows you to grab the cash and forget to take the card out; this was a design flaw in the original ATM and quickly fixed. All ATMs I have used in the UK force you to remove you card before you get the cash. Any ATM that does not do this is designed by a feckin' retard.


Possibly.. but they still have such ATMs here in the U.S. :P

[Umbrasquall]

Yep. All of the ATMs I've used just give you your money. Pretty easy to forget your card if you're not paying attention. They're like that in Hong Kong too.

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

[GestaltAlteration]

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

Are you serious?!

[Umbrasquall]

lol no >.<

[GestaltAlteration]

:pissed:

[Kromoh]

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

you're a professional xDDDD :banana:

[Oneironaut]

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

Lmao. :clap:

[Mes Tarrant]

:shock: Are you telling me that the not-being-able-to-reach-machine thing is a female characteristic??

*is guilty of such things*

Well it's cuz they put the machines like way at a weird angle or something.. I tell ya..

[dodobird]

ha ha, I do all the stuff in the female list except the makeup.:oops:

[Kromoh]

then why nto start with the makeup :D


you'll beat mark75 that way

[GestaltAlteration]

mark75 is going down..

[Kromoh]

he really is

[Amethyst Star]

And with a lot of ATMs, if you don't take the money quickly enough, the machine takes it back. I was writing down my withdrawl in my ledger, and all of a sudden the money went back in. I was like, "WAIT!!! WHAT?!? Give it back!" I had to get another $20 and then go back the next day to ask them if they had an extra $20 in the machine that was mine, and then I had to go to my bank and tell them, and then I had to go back to the other place and let them know that my bank knew and blah blah blah.

So, take the money.

Also, the machines that are designed to just take the card are also designed to destroy the card if you don't take it back after your transaction. It doesn't happen immediately, but it's a safety precaution.

Moral: write in the ledger later.

[Idec Sdawkminn]

I've only failed to take my card back once. It was because I forgot how much I needed to get out, so I went back to my car (it was midnight with no one around) and when I came back, it was the normal screen and my card was nowhere to be found. What ended up happening was that I took too long and it kept the card. I had to retrieve it after the weekend. That sucked.

[dodobird]

then why nto start with the makeup :D


you'll beat mark75 that way

Another thing that I do that would fit with that female list is forget to take the money... Just take the card and walk away... Then afterwords I realize I don't have enough money..

Amethyst Star, I don't know if that the case with every ATM, but the ones here credit you the money back if you don't take it and its pulled back in.

[dodobird]

Damn I'm so absent minded... After writing the last post I was trying to think about other stupid things I do out of absent-mindedness, when I realized I forgot the pot boiling on the stove!
I ran there, but it was already too late, what I was cooking was ruined, and guess what it was? It was the filter of a vegetable mixer that I was trying to clean by boiling it, and now the plastic parts of it got skewed because of the hit.
Well I took it out of the boiling water, cooled it with cold water, and I tried to fit it by force on the mixer machine. I then turned the machine on and it created friction with the skewed filter and melted other parts of the mixer, so now the mixer is ruined too.

Sometimes I am Mister Bean :(

[Oneironaut]

Haha.

[Idec Sdawkminn]

Sometimes I am Mister Bean :(

That's okay, because Mr. Bean is awesome.

[dodobird]

That's okay, because Mr. Bean is awesome.

He is awesome to watch, not to be!

[Clairity]

And with a lot of ATMs, if you don't take the money quickly enough, the machine takes it back. I was writing down my withdrawl in my ledger, and all of a sudden the money went back in. I was like, "WAIT!!! WHAT?!? Give it back!" I had to get another $20 and then go back the next day to ask them if they had an extra $20 in the machine that was mine, and then I had to go to my bank and tell them, and then I had to go back to the other place and let them know that my bank knew and blah blah blah.

LMFAO!! I'm sorry Ame but I'm laughing WITH you.. not at you.. cuz I can sooo see this happening to me! :D

Sometimes I am Mister Bean :(

I wuv Mr. Bean! :D

[Mes Tarrant]

Don't we all heart Bean. Too bad there are so few episodes though. The one where he is falling asleep in a church is my favorite. Okie I tried to find a picture but I can't. I am such a failure!

[DeadDollKitty]

aahhh, reminds me of my friend, yes, a girl. I think we're all blonds underneath

[Idec Sdawkminn]

I like the one where he is on the roller coaster and is all bored. When I went to a Six Flags with my girlfriend, I mentioned that episode to her and she said she had seen it before and it was funny. We went on the fastest roller coaster and I tried my hardest to look completely bored the whole ride. It was hard to keep my face relaxed on the fast downhill parts, but I did it. She couldn't stop laughing really hard the whole time because of it.

[Mes Tarrant]

I like the one where he is on the roller coaster and is all bored. When I went to a Six Flags with my girlfriend, I mentioned that episode to her and she said she had seen it before and it was funny. We went on the fastest roller coaster and I tried my hardest to look completely bored the whole ride. It was hard to keep my face relaxed on the fast downhill parts, but I did it. She couldn't stop laughing really hard the whole time because of it.

Haha!!! :rolllaugh: I loooooove that episode. Also the one where he tries to go off a diving board. Must try out all these things.

[Spartiate]

http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/6594/14344572lc7.png

Mr. Bean brings back good memories :D. The New Years episode was hilarious...

[Mes Tarrant]

http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/6594/14344572lc7.png

Mr. Bean brings back good memories :D. The New Years episode was hilarious...

THANK YOU!!! :D Oh god.

Yeah, so I always talk about Mr. Bean when someone brings up ATMs... :wtf:

[Idec Sdawkminn]

Putting on the bathing suit in front of the blind guy. Yes.

[Clairity]

A couple of my favorite Mr. Bean episodes are the one where he's playing miniature golf and the one where he's doing his laundry at a laundromat. :D

[Idec Sdawkminn]

http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/08-04-06-difficulty/Alexander.jpg

http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/08-04-06-difficulty/VeryVito.jpg

[Mes Tarrant]

Omg haha!! :D Nice pics.

[GestaltAlteration]

http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/08-04-06-difficulty/Alexander.jpg

http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/08-04-06-difficulty/VeryVito.jpg

Awesome hehe.