'Crush' Explained?

[DreamGlimpse]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Discuss

[[SomeGuy]]

There is no explanation in my world. Love is love.

[Kromoh]

Totally explained. I like how cohesive that is. Everything it says matches my experience. New word to my vocabulary. :thumbup:

Limerent's name is Matheus xD

Thanks for bringing that up.

[Replicon]

I think of it in terms of frames and bias. we all look at the same reality through different filters, and it really does affect how we feel about stuff. On one episode of Bullshit, they went to a fine restaurant, and instead of offering fancy wine tasting, they offered fancy water tasting, and the customers could "really tell" the difference between the water from the Alps and the water from Antarctica, etc. They had nice, designer bottles and all that... what they didn't know is, it was all the same water - coming from the hose in the back of the building.

Much in the same way, if you're positively biased towards someone because she has a particular look that you somehow associate with someone you could love, you will develop a crush over time by extended biased exposure :)

[Serkat]

Based on that article, limerence is not a healthy state of mind. Most of the mentioned aspects can and should be avoided at all costs. They are predominantly linked to lower self-esteem and the only reason they are commonly associated with sexual love is the prevalence of low self-esteem.

The End.

[Identity X]

There is no explanation in my world. Love is love.

Trust me, limerance is not love. It's an empty, horrible, unnatural feeling.

[Kromoh]

Trust me, limerance is not love. It's an empty, horrible, unnatural feeling.

Empty, horrible, unnatural are human concepts. Actually, being human beings themselves natural, anything that they do or create is also natural. War is natural.

Ask any limerent if they feel bad about how they feel. I doubt you'll get positive answers :P


You guys are just too attached to the old idea of "love" and fail to realise that any form of liking (or disliking) someone is actually feeling, therefore instictive. Every feeling is instinctive. Your idea of love is so damn taboo, it's almost religious. If you want to fight your instincts and feel something "pure", I don't know about you but I find it ridiculous. That's just like those monks that say masturbation is bad.

---
@ Korittke:

Limerence does not cause low self-esteem, low self-esteem causes limerence. When your self value is low, you tend to devote fully to ideas, pursuits, objects or people. It's what happens with those depressed ladies that devote fully to a band, a game, a religion, after some time of depression. When your self value is low, you instinctively commit to something, so that you feel useful. In prehistoric times, this was what was felt by elders when they no longer could contribute to the survival of the tribe.

[Serkat]

Limerence does not cause low self-esteemI never said that. Please read.
I agree with the rest.

[Kromoh]

Yep. You just made it sound like limerence's the one to be avoided, and not low self-esteem. I say limerence is actually a relief to depression.

[Serkat]

Yep. You just made it sound like limerence's the one to be avoided, and not low self-esteem. I say limerence is actually a relief to depression.
In your post before that you claimed that bananas were pink. How do you square that with that other post were you said that some monkeys live on mountains?

[Marvo]

There is no explanation in my world. Love is love.

Merlock v2.0

[Kromoh]

Based on that article, limerence is not a healthy state of mind. Most of the mentioned aspects can and should be avoided at all costs. They are predominantly linked to lower self-esteem and the only reason they are commonly associated with sexual love is the prevalence of low self-esteem.

You mentioned avoiding limerence aspects, not low self-esteem aspects. Oh foolish interpretation o' mine.

[Serkat]

You mentioned avoiding limerence aspects, not low self-esteem aspects. Oh foolish interpretation o' mine.I would suggest avoiding low self-esteem as well...

[Identity X]

Ask any limerent if they feel bad about how they feel. I doubt you'll get positive answers :P

There's using a double negative and then there is this. You mean positive as "affirmative" or positive as in "uplifting"? Because the ambiguity reaches both extemes of bad and good.

I was the very definition of limerent a few years back, and I felt utterly terrible.

[Kromoh]

Positive as in affirmative.

And I doubt it was due to limerence, but much rather due to low self-esteem. It's just like disliking ice cream for it makes you have to poo.

[Identity X]

And I doubt it was due to limerence, but much rather due to low self-esteem.

I kind of get your point, but I don't think of those with high self-esteem are ever going to fall into the trap of limerence. I think limerence is often a symptom of low self-esteem, so the two are hard to seperate as its kind of a feedback loop from the depths of hell. I don't know what you're calling limerence, but the limerence I have learnt of, after direct experience of it (but not knowing it ever had a name), is clearly an abnormal and dangerous state of mind. Love never entered my mind; limerence is not love, and carries none of the positive aspects of love. It is much closer to an inferiority complex mixed with a fair dose of obsession, and of course this requires a degree of low self-esteem.

Edit: Ok, I think you might be talking about reciprocated limerence. When it is not reciprocated, the above happens. And it's shit.

[Sandform]

Empty, horrible, unnatural are human concepts. Actually, being human beings themselves natural, anything that they do or create is also natural. War is natural.



I think he meant natural in the sense that being constipated is not natural (in other words it doesn't feel comfy.)

This condition can be caused by low self-esteem, but it can also cause low self-esteem.

I believe many people have a form of this condition for their parents...

[Bearsy]

I've been limerant for about 10 months now.
It sucks.
I've got a thread in the Help forum if anyone wants to help.

[Sandform]

I've been limerant for about 10 months now.
It sucks.
I've got a thread in the Help forum if anyone wants to help.

The person you like poops.

Are we done?

Wait...they also piss.


At one time or another they have vomited...and when they cry they get snot in their nose.

[Aquanina]

Well that explains alot...

[Bearsy]

The person you like poops.

Are we done?

Wait...they also piss.


At one time or another they have vomited...and when they cry they get snot in their nose.

Bodily functions arouse me.

aHA! I have defeated your plot.


(Joking, thats nasty, but I'm willing to overlook those things because she's so beautiful and amazing and awesome and fun and sweet and funny and sexy and awesome)

[Sandform]

Damn sorry I thought it might help.

[Serkat]

The person you like poops.

Are we done?

Wait...they also piss.


At one time or another they have vomited...and when they cry they get snot in their nose.She's human, what's the point?

[Replicon]

She's human, what's the point?

The point is, people will often treat others differently just because they're physically attractive. They'll think of them as "special" or something. I don't remember who, but there was one poster on DV that said something about how women are special angels, blah blah blah, and men should always bow down to their graciousness, etc.

When someone has an out-of-control crush (or limerance, or whatever you want to call it), it's important to get a reality check about who the person really is, so that you break down the invisible barrier/pedestal.

[Man of Shred]

Merlock v2.0


I concur. Whatever hapenned to that sociopath anywy?

[Serkat]

I meant more like... what's the point of being disgusted at the most basic natural bodily functions? I could think of a number of better ways to be human than to live ones entire life in disgust at something that happens on a regular basis. It's not the exact recipe for self-acceptance and such.

[Replicon]

I meant more like... what's the point of being disgusted at the most basic natural bodily functions? I could think of a number of better ways to be human than to live ones entire life in disgust at something that happens on a regular basis. It's not the exact recipe for self-acceptance and such.

Oh no, the point is not to be disgusted or anything like that :)

The way the argument was formulated was to introduce lots of contrast with the "pedestal treatment." In the end, it's all about treating people with respect (i.e. like people) and not with special treatment. I think this is very important. In my case too - it's only when I stopped being totally distracted by beauty that I got more successful.

[Serkat]

I don't see how the fact that someone is human reduces other incentives to treat them otherwise special. :banana: