Meant To Be.. . .Alone

[Rtex]

Do you think that some people are just meant to be alone in their lives?

They aren't loners, or misfits. I'm talking about people who are socially adept, great at meeting people, and speaking in front of crowds. They are good-looking, smart, talented, average people who are just meant to be alone. They don't have any close friends to share things with. And it's not that they don't have any friends, it's just that they are alone. And it doesn't tear at them, they've accepted it, and are completely at peace with it, they live their lives without complaint, but they're alone.

Is there such a person?

I know that our being causes everyone to think something along this line, "No one is like me, no one understands me." This isn't anything like that, There is a class mate of mine and she is pretty, smart, talented, and very sociable, but she is just alone, and I've tried breaking the barrier, but it's like she is meant to be that way.

Just wanted y'all's opinion......

[Fr0ggeh]

To be honest, I don't think so. I don't deny that your classmate acts the way she does, but I don't think she is _meant_ to be alone. Even if we humans really know nothing about fate and all, we all have opinions, and my own is that fate doesn't exist. You are your experiences, you are not trapped in a way of life. Probably, that girl, and many other people, got barriers in their mind. I didn't really understand if she wanted to be alone, or if it just was like that.. that she didn't let people into her life or..? I think she got barriers in her mind. They are probably created through experiences with people.
You are pretty much shaped in your first 18 years of life. Those years can make you a thousand different personalities, but after those years.. you are kinda trapped. Dont get me wrong, you can still change, but it's tough.

Anyways, I don't believe so, no :).

[Kaniaz]

There's 2 billion humans or something on Earth, at least 1 of them will defintely just be meant to be alone.

[Taosaur]

:lol: There were 2 billion people c. 1948, K, now it's closer to 7b, unless there was a plague I didn't hear about.

Regarding people "meant to be alone," I have to go with most of what Fr0ggeh said. No one's "meant" in any huge sense to be anything, but experience can set up ideas in your mind that back you into a corner. Myself, I was quite an outcast as a kid, got more social in high school, started slow in college, hit another wave of heavy social activity, went into seclusion, moved, sought out another scene where I could party constantly, and now I'm a recluse again (except that I make my living being social). At present, there're a lot of negative learning experiences telling me I can no longer get close to people, if I ever could, but really, for all I know, there could be another round of social whoredom coming along. I guess I'm saying, nothing is etched in stone except change--change is the only constant.

[Ja_]

i dont think i meant to be alone but i dont really share my emotion il just keep it myself :oops:

[Barbizzle]

IM sociable and i tlak to peole and im not shy, but im alone. And most of the time i like it, but sometimes i relaly hate it, and its my falt i know. OFr some reason i can never seem to get close to people.

[Khronos]

I used to travel around all the time, like a bagabon that dropped off the Earth. For the longest time I didn't think I needed friends but overtime I began to go into depression, only then did I realize how important it is to share your life with others. It's funny, now I can't get enough attention! :lol:

[LewisM]

Perhaps being 'alone' has a lot to do with people who think too much...Thinking implies that other people dont need to be there.

Personally I think this girl - and anyone else - CAN have a relationship/good friends, it's just that they don't mind being alone.

[Lynz]

i hope im not meant to be alone. but sometimes i think i will end up being alone. i have friends some of which i am very close to. i do have people who have been and are interested in me. ive been told i am pretty and i get on well with anybody. great set of friends etc my problem is that no one is ever right for me. if it dont feel right with a person in the boyfriend kind of way then i wont evengive them a chance to prove themself that they are good enough. they can be perfectly fine.but if that little thing is missing then i cant even entertain the idea. sometimes i think i want too much and maybe i should settle for someone i like. but i need more than that, i need to want them. so maybe if i end up alone it is my own fault but not because i am meant to be alone. i know i dont have to be alone, i could have a boyfriend now if i wanted but no one is good enough.

i dont mean in looks i mean in everything. if something aint there then it aint there. im not the kind of person to go out with someone just so i have someone. i cant do that. hopefully i'll find someone i want one day who wants me to.

[Truthbearer]

I feel this way many times as well...like unless I get the very remote chance to find my match then I will end up all alone. It is not something I wish for myself, but it is something that I can accept. I don't think that one would be ok or at peace with the situation, but can rather just seem that way. Being alone is does get to be unbearable after a while, in my experience at least, eventhough I feel myself to be self suficient and rather enjoy being by myself. It's just that after too much time I just can't take myself anymore and I just enter into a constant state of decriment of mood...

As to whether we are meant to be in a certain way, I think it is up to us. I do believe that everything is done and over, that there truly isn't such thing as time(long story) but that doesn't mean that we are not the one's in charge. We always were, from the very beginning till our last breath...We are only meant to be alone if we permit ourselves to be...

[sensi]

Yeah I too feel it is a personal choice to be alone. I’ve had my fair share of relationships and I have many close friends but I choose to be single. I’ve been single for maybe 6 years. I like it this way. I want to meet someone I connect with on all levels emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. If it’s not on all levels then I’m not really interested. I will not compromise what I want in a relationship just because I may get lonely from time to time. To be honest though I really like being by myself it’s given me so much time to develop into the person I am today. In the past when I’ve had boy friends I’d get too distracted in their worlds and loose my own. Now I just enjoy my independence. It helps that I get lots of affection from my friends if I didn’t I may feel more alone?

For me though it is a choice. When I meet my partner I will be more than happy on the flip side if I do not I’ve learnt to be happy with my own company so either way its win win.

Peace Sensi.

[LewisM]

Seems to me (from reading the other responses) that it might be a very natural and human thing to be alone, just like it is very natural to be with someone else.

Perhaps EVERYONE, at some point in their life will decide that they need to be alone for a while.

[Kaniaz]

Originally posted by Taosaur
:lol: There were 2 billion people c. 1948, K, now it's closer to 7b, unless there was a plague I didn't hear about.

Sorry, I'd just gone through a time machine and got quite disorintented. [/lameexcuse]

[Taosaur]

Yeah, as far as a partner, I think chances are slim I'll ever find one, which used to bother me but doesn't much anymore. I'm occasionally lonely, but it's pretty rare. Most of the couples I see seem to be settling, clinging to the other person as a mirror to reaffirm their identity--like, if there's not someone who knows every little thing that happens to you, you're less real somehow. I'm wary of serial monogamists, who always have to have the bf/gf position filled. It seems like a somewhat addictive situation, and I'm not interested in that.

[nightowl]

I'll agree, some people just want to be alone. I feel the same way, but not as isolated as her. There are times when I just want to go home, rest, and just do nothing...alone. Occasionally i go to a friend's house and chill, but too much of that usually drives me crazy for some reason and sometimes people just piss me off.

Well anyway, if she's happy this way, then she'll be alright. You said it iyourself that you tried to be friends, but she rather stay isolated. It's just the way she is. You could still try, but dont go over the edge. Then you'll just be annoying to her.

[justme]

i like to be alone most of the time well all of the time and i don't really talk much i just listen you should try that once in a while:)

[wasup]

Sometimes I feel like that. I like to talk to people at school and stuff but I usually don't go to parties or go over people's houses. I'm kinda introverted especially at home.

[lurker]

i'm pretty introverted myself.


i'm a hermit, but nicer. i'll smile and nod my head (like saying 'wassup')... but don't expect me to come over and talk or chill w/you.

especially true at parties. i go only for the music. i just want to dance until the music stops and get kicked out. i could never be bothered w/socializing at a party... -i'm busy getting my groove on. much the same way you don't bug someone who is praying at church.

i think one of the things that keeps people like me alone, and happy too, is that there other things we are interested in.
me, it's music, nature, internal arts, personal growth, dreams -and chasing them too.

i'm sure these things play a roll in other peoples lives. i'm saying that these are things i place a major emphasis on. -therefore are dominant forces... so they push other things (like the outside world) to sidelines, if not... out of the picture. it's just there are other things we would rather do.

i'm guessing she's one of those girls who is on another level (i don't mean to say a higher, or lower one... just somewhere else.)
try to get her to talk to you, listen and recieve her words w/an open mind. get her to trust you, so she'll open up more. just do or say something that will get her to start talking to you. be carefull w/using humor or teasing her lightly... there might be somethings she is willing to talk about, yet be pretty sensitive, and will overreact.

like this one time, a friend of mine (we've known each other for years, and she knows i love to crack jokes) and she burned her face cooking. so she had this mark on her cheek... nothing major. she's telling how she burned her self, and laughing at all the stupid things she did that led to the disaster and joking that it had robbed her of her beauty yada, yada... and i chime in at the end w/"and now you look like 'darkman'!" (-you know, the leslie nielsen movie...) i know she doesn't have the greatest sense of humor, but i was pretty sure i could get away w/that one... guess what? not a chance. that smile turned upside down real quick... homegirl was pissed, and told me "lurker*, sometimes you are a real fucking asshole!" and she stormed off. needless to say she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. we still chill, but we never talked about that burn ever again, never more.

the end.


*name changed to protect the identity of the innocent

what was my post about anyways?

[Umbrasquall]

If someone is capable of being sociable, then they are capable of making best friends. It just takes a little more effort sometimes, but those friendships are the most powerful.

[sensi]

Lurker -I’m not a hermit at all but I hear ya. I have so much good shit going on in my life that most of the time boys are far from my mind. I find so much pleasure in other things. I’m sure at some stage this may change but at the moment I couldn't be happier with being single.

As for dancing im so with you on that one. I go, I listen, I dance and I leave. So much freedom with music and dancing. I would never ever hope to meet my potential love in this environment so I don’t even notice who is around me apart from my friends. Music and dancing.......Got to love it.

Peace Sensi :)

[theroguechemist]

I'm a pretty introverted person.

I'm probably going to be single for my entire life, which I try to come to terms to. I just can't find anyone who I can truly relate to on enough levels. Guess I'm just unique, lol.

[myfreakish_nature]

I havent had any close friends sinci i moved last winter. I have no actual friends, i dont talk to talk to ppl & i choose not to. U know wat tho? i dont care. I am happy. I am not alone. I am not ur average person, not even in infancy so i have been told. lol Theres a lot that goes on inside my head & I done think that ne1 is really "meant to b alone" unless they choose to b. & no im not skitzo, lol

[Aquanina]

Simple answer rtex..........................YES.

[justme]

Originally posted by Aquanina
Simple answer rtex..........................YES.

my god this is an old post hey my replay still there lol :lol:

[OpheliaBlue]

woo hoo nina you necro :P

anyway, I agree too, the answer is yes, eg ME until recently. because I was a coward for 30 years

[AirRick101]

I got some light shed on my opinion after reading a few posts. Nobody is to say if one is "meant" to be alone, that implies some sort of concrete fate or will of God. At best, it's just describing if one has the type of personality that prefers being alone.

I've been back and forth, clearing getting confused, and cannot describe myself as one way or another. I typically go through phases of high social activity, and then sink to alone introspection, for months at a time, and it's often mixed with some depression. It happens like twice a year for me, usually dependin what friends I meet along the way.

If this is about you and Nina....I understand what you're going through. Well, I've been through it several times, and I wouldn't fight that belief that I was meant to be alone.

[Alaurast78]

I like this topic even if it is old....

Here's what I think: Everyone is alone. We have to take the time to be alone and be ok with it before we acntually never be alone!

[OpheliaBlue]

Originally posted by Alaurast78
I like this topic even if it is old....

Here's what I think: Everyone is alone. We have to take the time to be alone and be ok with it before we acntually never be alone!
dang...that was really astute Lola

I never really looked at it that way, but you are so right

[Clairity]

Being alone is safer than being with someone.

Being with someone means thinking in "we" instead of "I"
Being with someone means being vulnerable
and lastly...
Being with someone means risking rejection.

Being alone is easier than being with someone..
It's being with someone that's hard.

[Aquanina]

Originally posted by Clairity
It's being with someone that's hard.

Not when that person seems to fill all the holes in your soul and fulfill everything you thought you were ever looking for and so many things you didn't even know you were.

And then they emotionally disappear. And your holes and emptiness are amplified because you forgot that they were there until they were full for that one fleeting moment. And all you are left with is empty spaces.

[Rakkantekimusouka]

Originally posted by Aquanina
Not when that person seems to fill all the holes in your soul and fulfill everything you thought you were ever looking for and so many things you didn't even know you were.

And then they emotionally disappear. And your holes and emptiness are amplified because you forgot that they were there until they were full for that one fleeting moment. And all you are left with is empty spaces.
True -- but these are feelings brought about by the ingrained notion that everyone was meant to have one other person to be with; the "soul mate". But what about the "soul mess"? A soul mess is similar to soul mate, except that it is a few to several different people. Some people were destined to be with more than one other person. No one was meant to be alone, of course -- and the time between significant others should be appreciated as a time to recharge, a veritable interlude.

Whoa, did I just go Leo or what? :shock:

[OpheliaBlue]

Mu did you mean soul mess or soul MASS? (that part confused me)

That part about relationships is so weird. It's a big contradiction: someone that is great for you to be with completes you and vice versa...BUT then they say, OH you have to be a whole complete person BEFORE you get involved with another or else it's just a co-dependant relationship.

So I guess maybe it's a little bit of both. You have to be totally ok with yourself and with being by yourself, but just PREFER to share life with someone else. It's when you feel you HAVE to be with someone to be complete it when it's doomed to fail.

But I'm really just talking about myself here. I reached a point in life where I was totally ok with the thought of never having a significant other ever again. Just focused on me, my life, my son my friends and family my carreer etc. THEN I met someone respected that, was compatible with what I wanted in life and vice versa, and we complimented and supplimented eachother in areas where we wanted more (NOT where we were defficient). And in addition the sexual and physical elements are present.

I'm sure it's different for everyone. Love is a case by case thing. I just worry about people who want someone to "fill their gaps" as it were. Fill them yourself, then find someone who respects you to share it with. :)

[Merck]

No one is meant to be alone unless they choose that for themselves. Lonliness is worse than death in my opinion.

[Aquanina]

*nods*

Some would choose death.

[Alex D]

Originally posted by Aquanina
*nods*

Some would choose death.

Though those people would be fucking idiots.

[Aquanina]

most people are

[Rakkantekimusouka]

Originally posted by OpheliaBlue
Mu did you mean soul mess or soul MASS? (that part confused me)
No, I meant MESS. One of the definitions of mess is: "A group of people, usually soldiers or sailors, who regularly eat meals together." (Like "mess hall"). Yeah, weird, but...meh *shrug*

Nina...

:hug:

[OpheliaBlue]

Originally posted by Muhjah
No, I meant MESS. One of the definitions of mess is: \"A group of people, usually soldiers or sailors, who regularly eat meals together.\" (Like \"mess hall\"). Yeah, weird, but...meh *shrug*
Ohhh ok. Yeah it's kinda weird, but it makes sense.

If I believed in souls, I'd agree. I kinda agree now, there's no ONE person only. You could like, line up everyone in the world in order of compatibility and the top like, 5% would be fit for a decent relationship I'd wager. Besides, people change as they grow, so wouldn't it make sense that your "best matches" would change as well?

Long way to say I agree with you Mu.

[Barbizzle]

I dont think anybody wnats to be alone. Even if they think they do, they don't. Sure you can bury what you feel and pretend you dont wnat someone, btu in the end you are just lying to yourslef. People need to have others. Maby not all the time, or right away, but someday sometime, eveybody needs another to share all that they are with. It is oto much to keep just to yourself. Theres isnt enough room in one person, and if you tyr to keep it in, you just over head and explode.

[Rakkantekimusouka]

Originally posted by OpheliaBlue
Ohhh ok. Yeah it's kinda weird, but it makes sense.

If I believed in souls, I'd agree. I kinda agree now, there's no ONE person only. You could like, line up everyone in the world in order of compatibility and the top like, 5% would be fit for a decent relationship I'd wager. Besides, people change as they grow, so wouldn't it make sense that your \"best matches\" would change as well?

Long way to say I agree with you Mu.
:D :goodjob2:

[Seeker]

Originally posted by Merck
No one is meant to be alone unless they choose that for themselves. *Lonliness is worse than death in my opinion.


Merck, you have hit upon it! It is choice. You always have a choice.

[irishcream]

I choose to be alone when i need to be alone...and the people closest to me respect that. Until recently, i was alone in the sense that i wasn't sharing my life with someone outside my family unit. And now i am. And i know that i wouldn't change that for anything.
But in finding this person, i haven't 'filled a gap', because, it's like i've said to people, before they came along, i was actually very happy being single, being one.
But now i'm one of two, i'm happy still. It seems to make no difference to me....I think if it came to it, i could eventually go back to that, after some healing time...
We human beings are very resilient.

[Aquanina]

you either get it or you don't

[Seeker]

Originally posted by Aquanina
you either get it or you don't

Get what Nina? I was a loner for years, an outcast, didn't feel wanted or needed, was pretty much alone.

At one point, I finally got a clue and realized that people were respecting MY choice to be left alone. After that, it all changed.

There is no divine plot against anyone that dooms them to walk this earth alone.

[Rakkantekimusouka]

Nina, come on now, how long are you gonna sulk like this? Suck it up, buck it up, and move on with your life! If it's meant to be, believe me, it'll be -- but it's gonna seem like forever if you just sit there waiting for that pot to boil.

:hug:

[Tornado Joe]

I really wasn't going to participate in this post - but it's just one of those threads that has stuck with me for a while now and it must be because I've pretty much run through much of the spectrum of this topic.

While cliches are annoying, there's a reason why they're around - and so many came to mind:

No man is an island.
ok,sure - but if you were to be stranded on one, would you rather it be inhabited with life or desolate and baren?

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
yep, the peacefullness and freedom of being alone leads one to seek out someone to share in this bliss. The constraints and trials of sharing with someone leads one to seek out the peacefullness and freedom he/she once had.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger
Getting hurt causes wounds. Wounds heal leaving a scar. Scars are reminders of what has hurt us. So we learn how not to be hurt again - making ourselves stronger through wisdom.

I succumb to the damned if you do, damned if you don't theory myself. It all comes down to which you are most comfortable with - the "do" or the "don't". A "loner" is not an anti-social person. For me, it's being able to get through the "don't" somewhat effortlessly, even naturally - but would welcome (and likely prefer) the "do".

Originally posted by Ophelia
You have to be totally ok with yourself and with being by yourself, but just PREFER to share life with someone else.

Exactly.

I'm going through a "loner" period yet again myself (unfortunately). I'm a fully functional adult: job, home, responsibilities... etc. While it's great to know I can survive on my own, not having someone to share it with seems to give it all very little purpose.

But I'll refrain from bitching and whinning about myself, and just part with a little saying of my own:

Life sucks, and right now I'm it's favorite flavored Slurpie of the month.

[kichu]

Originally posted by Barbizzle
I dont think anybody wnats to be alone. Even if they think they do, they don't. Sure you can bury what you feel and pretend you dont wnat someone, btu in the end you are just lying to yourslef. People need to have others. Maby not all the time, or right away, but someday sometime, eveybody needs another to share all that they are with. It is oto much to keep just to yourself. Theres isnt enough room in one person, and if you tyr to keep it in, you just over head and explode.

Not true at all. This statement DOES NOT apply to every person on the planet. That is so illogical. Some people just have souls that are beyond the understanding of others.

[kichu]

Originally posted by Tornado Joe
...What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.....

This saying helped me through a really rough time. It got in my brain and got stuck on repeat.