Give Someone The Best Advice Ever

[Jeff777]

...to the user below you. By looking at my advice, you should get a general idea as to what this thread is about.




While at a party, don't start drinking until it's time for you to drive home.

[guitarboy]

If there is a fire, no matter how small, put it out with gasoline.

[Tyler]

If your new girlfriend is rumored to be a whore who sleeps around a lot, don't bother with condoms.

[Jeff777]

Flashing blue/red lights behind you means speed up.

[Tyler]

If someone suddenly begins coughing during a meal, help them out by stuffing more food into their mouth.

[guitarboy]

If you want a good forum without trolls, go to dreamviews.com/commie-unity
See what I did thar?

[Liz]

Look around and make comparisons while whizzing at the wall of urinals.

[Liz]

Flip off the rednecks in the monster truck.

[guitarboy]

Come to a forum and annoy the shit out of the staff.

[Man of Steel]

Go ahead and make the jump, even though your opponent has the high ground. He was like a brother to you, after all. He's not really going to cut all of your limbs off in one swipe and leave you there to burn to death...

[Tyler]

You know there is a serial killer in the house. Go ahead and open that door to check out the mysterious noise.

[hellohihello]

When you are done with your emo cutting, cut up pieces of lemon with salt in the wound to soak up the blood so no one notices.

[Liz]

Become a heroin addict. You can quit anytime you want.

[Tyler]

Before you commence with your emo cutting, use your knife to cut up some raw beef. immediately begin cutting yourself, the cow blood hightens the painful pleasure.

[dorpis]

Go up to a girl and sing "Yeah, ho, yeah bitch, show me how yo coch*i twitch!"

dam, I love Chocolate News :D

[Tyler]

Have sex with your mother. Be a brother and a father! (if you're a guy)
Have sex with your father. Be a sister and a mother! (if you're a girl)
Have sex with you're aunt/uncle. Be a mother/father and a cousin!

[Bearsy]

If you flop the nuts in a high stakes, no limit Texas Hold 'Em game, always, always fold.

[Odd_Nonposter]

If you want a tractor engine to run faster, hit the ether button after starting.

[Liz]

You CAN outrun the highway patrol officers.

[ultranova]

If someone offers you to stay at dinner, accept and ask can you come tomorrow too.

[Jeff777]

Leave the girl, date her mom.

--

Recent studies show that alcohol consumption increases your IQ. Now go and become a genius.

[Tyler]

These sound an awful lot like advice dogs.

http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp67/fableflame/Advice_dog_system_32.jpg
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f246/Houstonintc/Advice_dog_videos_porn.jpg
http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp67/fableflame/advice-dog-steal-candy.png
http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp67/fableflame/advice1.jpg
http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp67/fableflame/imgDumpAdviceDogOct08131.jpg

[Jeff777]

Those are good ones Fable :goodjob:

[Tyler]

Those are good ones Fable :goodjob:

Thanks. Just googled Advice Dog. Hilarious results.

[Liz]

There's, like, no way man, you can OD on over-the-counter meds.

[hellohihello]

These sound an awful lot like advice dogs.

http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp67/fableflame/Advice_dog_system_32.jpg




WOOT NOW MY COMP RUNS AT 2% INSTEAD OR 47!

[dreamingofdreaming]

Take all of the advice in this thread seriously!!!!

DO IT!! :shock:

[Jeff777]

Crossing swords in the bathroom increases your masculinity.

[hellohihello]

The only way to get rid of an STD is to have unprotected sex with 7 other people.

[Jeff777]

If you walk around the earth, you're bound to come back to your original spot. By this logic...the only way to sober up is to keep drinking.

[blackjack]

Always watch porn on your family computer, they'll appreciate the honesty. Trust me.

[Jeff777]

Introduce your baby brother to porn, he'll thank you when he's older.

[hellohihello]

Introduce your baby brother to porn, he'll thank you when he's older.

TBH that's good advice. That way that poor kids comp won't get blown to pieces by viruses.

[Demon Parasite]

Always take candy from strangers, and don't be afraid to get in their van to help them find their lost dog.

[dreamingofdreaming]

ALWAYS ALWAYS take the 7th shot of tequila offered to you, it will actually sober you up and you won't end up stripping down into your underwear, forgetting to take off your new shoes and jump into what you thought was a lake but actually is a dead fish-algae filled pond ....

[Abra]

Drink visine

live longer

[Jeff777]

Go to a carnival.............while on acid.

[Universal Mind]

Go to a bar where the Hell's Angels hang out and tell them what a bunch of cry babies they all are. Then act like you are revving up a motorcycle and start fake crying. Make sure you are on lots of Jeff's acid.

[Licity]

When you are done putting gasoline in your car, always remember to use a match to sanitize the gas tank. Don't substitute antibacterial spray or wipes, those are bad for the fuel injectors.

[Jeff777]

Studies show smoking around infants causes their immune system to become resilient to nicotine, and ultimately lung cancer.

[Majestic]

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

[Jeff777]

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

Um...that's horrible advice.

[tommo]

Um...that's horrible advice.
Yes, yes it is.
But so is this.
Go to a carnival.............while on acid.
Coz that would be AWESOME!

Take everything the main stream media says as fact.

[Abra]

Yell "Fire"

in public buildings

[Techno]

Read loudly out of the Qur'an in a xenophobic Christian neighborhood.

[WakataDreamer]

Bitchslap the Pope on live television.

He'll thank you for it.

:paranoid:

It's a Catholic thing. Don't ask.

[slayer]

Jaywalk constantly...








...on the highway...







...during rush hour.

[Kiza]

Man, I tried all these and you guys don't give good advice at all.

[guitarboy]

Piss off DuB and MoS. Don't worry if you get banned, it's their way of showing affection.

[tommo]

Bitchslap the Pope on live television.

He'll thank you for it.

:paranoid:

It's a Catholic thing. Don't ask.

Again terrible advice (translation: I would do that if I met that fucker)

[Demon Parasite]

Call your mom a filthy whore. Women take that as a compliment.

[hellohihello]

Call your mom a filthy whore. Women take that as a compliment.

I do that on a regular basis! (not at all)

[Universal Mind]

Call your mom a filthy whore. Women take that as a compliment.

That is terrible advice when it comes to women who really are filthy whores. They are not sexually turned on by men who disrespect them. Compliments make them so horny they can't stand it. They are only attracted to guys who are very, very nice to them. The nicer you are to them, the better your chances of getting them in bed.

[Liz]

Always drive through the closed railroad crossing arms.....you CAN beat approaching trains.

[ninja9578]

Go to work naked tomorrow, your boss will take you more seriously.

[Demon Parasite]

If you go to work in a fursuit he'll take you even more seriously though.

[Tyler]

Offer to sell a job interviewer really cheap meth to get on his good side and secure the job

[Tyler]

Bump

[Jeff777]

Bump

That's horrible advice.

[AmazeO XD]

If you make sexual advances towards a girl and she says "Stop, please!", she's obviously playing hard to get. Good going tiger, keep at it!

[hellohihello]

The harder someone slaps you, the more they love you. Go out and get the most love you can get.

[The Invisible Man]

Aim low.

[Banana]

If MoS says hes going to ban you from chat, just ignore him and continue trolling

(i know from experience)

[[SomeGuy]]

Being antisocial gets you the most friends. Go do it, champ!

[Akono]

insecticide is not only a good substitute for mosquito repellent it's a replacement!

[Supernova]

remove the catalytic converter from your car. It runs a lot cleaner that way.

[[SomeGuy]]

Remove your brain. Only 70% of it does anything!

[slayer]

Be sure to rub rat poison on yourself. It'll keep the rats away from you!

[dreamingofdreaming]

Always use IcyHot as lubrication for your eye balls.

[[SomeGuy]]

Use Bengay as lube.

[Akono]

traffic signs are just suggestions.

[Alexanderctk]

Use your laptop while driving, you'll get more work done.

[Vincanity]

mess with Chuck Norris

u will survive

[Tyler]

Chuck Norris jokes aren't old at all, everybody still loves hearing them!

[Vincanity]

Chuck Norris jokes aren't old at all, everybody still loves hearing them!

i know right?

[Universal Mind]

mess with Chuck Norris

u will survive

That's not funny.

Chuck Norris jokes aren't old at all, everybody still loves hearing them!

By saying that, you speak for everybody.

[Tyler]

When that large dog growls at you and bares his teeth, that means he likes you and you should pet him

[khh]

You should bar yourself in your house and never ever venture outside.

[Tyler]

You should bar yourself in your house and never ever venture outside.

When you do that, don't bother with getting supplies to last you, you won't need them

[redisreddish]

If it starts storming, climb to the top of the tallest tree you can find. You'll be safe from the lightning there.

[Jeff777]

If it starts storming, climb to the top of the tallest tree you can find. You'll be safe from the lightning there.

I lol'ed :chuckle:

[Bearsy]

Walk around naked. Everywhere. Mostly at school.

[PhilosopherStoned]

Green means go as fast as you can, yellow means go faster and red means lay on your horn to give them fair warning

[justme]

If your dog won't stop licking itself in inapproatie places, apply tabassco sauce to discourge it.

Theres actually a bit of a story behind this one 0.o

[Abra]

BUY PIZZA

PAY WITH SNAKES lol invisible text

[Jeff777]

Call a phone sex hotline, the girls there make for excellent listeners when you need to cry and just talk to someone.

[Merlock]

BUY PIZZA

PAY WITH SNAKES

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/6634/original/Moon.png

[Abra]

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/6634/original/Moon.png

DELETE SYSTEM 32

MAKE YOUR PC RUN FASTER more invisible lol text

[Catbus]

Tell TSA that your new laptop is the bomb.

[Tyler]

http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb88/blakebooty/lulz/CUTWOLF.png
http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb88/blakebooty/lulz/lemonwolf.png
http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb88/blakebooty/lulz/bushwolf.png
http://i528.photobucket.com/albums/dd321/34tmyl337/Courage%20Wolf/courage_wolf_26.jpg
http://i528.photobucket.com/albums/dd321/34tmyl337/Courage%20Wolf/courage_wolf_25.jpg
http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p138/thasmurf123/wh3w45h.jpg
http://i528.photobucket.com/albums/dd321/34tmyl337/Courage%20Wolf/courage_wolf_23.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/MoonWalkerMJ/Courage%20Wolf/qqeukj.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/MoonWalkerMJ/Courage%20Wolf/1239726718213.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/MoonWalkerMJ/Courage%20Wolf/1238091407355.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/MoonWalkerMJ/Courage%20Wolf/1233001249070.jpg
http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn33/shoe_da_woop/advice.jpg
http://i319.photobucket.com/albums/mm444/atomicpunks22/advicedog.jpg
http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k88/bleed_memories/Other/Funny/ikeea2.jpg
http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x31/evilbdayclown/1215116349935.jpg
http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x31/evilbdayclown/1234144782770.jpg
http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x31/evilbdayclown/e0ikk3.png
http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t7/sailortlk/eatcrayons.jpg
http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn173/bloodysplat/1216020120809.jpg
http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn286/kn1ckers93/advice1.jpg
http://i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp350/Corruption_And_Chaos/grivlier48a35ac5826cd.jpg

[CanceledCzech]

Wear a condom. Always.

[Universal Mind]

The job you are truly made for will find you unless you act too eager by asking for an application. Just sleep in and smoke pot every day until that special boss comes out of nowhere and gives you a phone call.

[Vincanity]

Wear a condom. Always.

http://koltchak91120.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/double-facepalm.jpg

[Jeff777]

The truth never hurts and there's no such thing as pain, ask away.

[Mzzkc]

Remember: 'no' means 'yes,' and 'yes' means 'butt sex.'

[CanceledCzech]

Girls love a man with a level 80 Palladin, so grind away.

[Elucive]

Never forget to shrink wrap.

[PhilosopherStoned]

Become a scientologist.

[CanceledCzech]

Drink the bong water. You will see Zarathustra.

[khh]

Have your boy-child's foreskin chopped off. It doesn't hurt for babies.

[Elucive]

Seriously?? Cool.
=p

[Lëzen]

Don't bother looking to your sides when changing lanes, especially on a busy multi-lane highway. The so-called "blind spot" is a myth.

[Jeff777]

Flip off a cop. Win a prize.

[Mzzkc]

Always leap before looking. Especially when visiting the Grand Canyon.

[Tyler]

Reject Christ. Recieve bacon.

[Jeff777]

Receive Christ. Receive bacon. Die from heart attack. Live with Christ.

[Tyler]

Reject Christ. Receive bacon. Die from heart attack. Burn in hell for rejecting Christ.

Fix'd

[Mzzkc]

You fixed it wrong.

[Universal Mind]

Get the DEA off your ass by offering to get them high for months.

[Something Else]

Stay up for three days by drinking a lot of coffee. Fly on an international flight and then spontaneously start praying to Allah out loud.

[RockNRoller123]

Always remember that any advice I give is the GREATEST ADVICE YOU WILL EVER KNOW!

[Universal Mind]

Become the events organizer at a large rural Southern Baptist church and organize a Sunday morning Slayer concert.

[RockNRoller123]

Listen to Universal Mind. He has ideas almost as good as mine

[CanceledCzech]

Stay up for three days by drinking a lot of coffee. Fly on an international flight and then spontaneously start praying to Allah out loud.

You forgot, "get a tan" (if you're white) and "grow a beard".

[RockNRoller123]

Be good-looking but suck at singing. This is how you will become a famous singer!

[PhilosopherStoned]

Be good-looking but suck at singing. This is how you will become a famous singer!

That's actually not bad advice...