This dream is all over the place and very long, so please bear with me. I'm going to try to keep it detailed but concise. I've browsed a few threads and forums and have gathered a general idea of what some of it might mean but I could still use some input. I read the 'read this first' stickied thread and I'll try to apply that as needed to this.
I don't remember where the dream started but I remember somewhere in the beginning my boyfriend broke up with me because I had cheated. I didn't actually dream-live the cheating, and when he told me why he left, I was completely shocked. I don't know what that means or why I'm dreaming that but I had a similar dream to this about a month ago where I did dream about cheating on him with a friend that which I did have a connection to in the past but I don't now and I don't want to be with him or cheat with him. I have no idea why I'm dreaming this, aside from I am constantly afraid my boyfriend [who has held a grudge against this friend] still has some anger about it he pretends he doesn't? I am often afraid he blames me or has some sort of grudge against me as well, although he often assures me he doesn't.
Anyhow, that was a very brief part of the dream. The next part I remember is really odd; Every time I moved or stood up or did anything I was gushing blood from my vagina. Not like a period flow. Like, gushing. So I just had to lay still on the floor between the kitchen and dining room and cry. Everyone around me was trying to tell me I was over reacting... and that I was fine 'I'll bring you to the hospital later' was what my mom said, but if it were a real situation someone would have called an ambulance, but I was just laying there bleeding and freaking out, and no one cared.
As I said, I was pretty much only bleeding when I tried to move or do something.
Another part was something very close to me was destroyed. Over the summer my littlest brother died in his sleep. The week before all of this happened, I had a severe mental breakdown, that hospitalized me. During this time, despite being far too old for such a thing, I had a teddy bear I made at a Build-A-Bear workshop with me as my companion. At his wake, I took the heart out of the bear that you make a wish on, tucked it into his little outfit (he was 3 1/2 months old) and he's been buried with it. In turn, I've placed his picture and obituary inside the bear and stitched it back up. In the dream the teddy bear that I adore so much was ruined. It's face had been hollowed out and flat, caved in. It's head had been decapitated, and my oldest brother put it back together, limply without any real effort. In the dream I knew exactly how it became ruined and I tried to explain it to him but he, just like my mother earlier on, just told me to suck it up, nothing could be done about it, etc.
This doesn't seem to important, but the stickied thread said add EVERYTHING you can possibly remember. I have pet rats, and I love them a lot. In my dream one of my good friends got two pet rats that she wasn't really caring for and didn't even know what their gender was. I was angry about that.
This friend is my best friend and has moved away and lived in another state 18 hours away for a couple of years now. We do argue a bit though, so it wasn't too odd we were having a disagreement in the dream.
Another part was I was at a house I used to go to a lot when I was a kid for a religious group. I was very religious when I was younger but not anymore. It was more out of fear than genuine belief. Anyway, I was there and the two ladies that ran it were uptight and snippy in the dream. No one was paying attention. Some girl I used to go to school with was there, and all drugged out of it, talking about how she felt depersonalized. She didn't use the word but I was able to identify it as I have derealization disorder and I felt bad for her. Anyway, everyone was ignoring what was happening, some kids even on their laptops and things, just sitting there for no reason. It was like they just showed up for a place to be.
As for how I felt in the dream? The cheating part, upset and confused. The bleeding part, scared and confused. The rat part, angry, the last part uncomfortable.
Thanks for reading all of this. I'm sorry if it's rambly and such but I really would like an input. Thanks in again.