Thread: What does this dream mean?

You want to ask her out, but the fear of being rejected due to not being good enough for her is keeping you from doing it.

Nolan,

Re: your dream.
(short story is at the end of the long story).

I hope you don't have ADHD because this is a long one - but I think it's right on the button, so it's a good one, too.
Read it in parts if you can't manage it at once - I know kids today tend to have the attention span of my instagram fans, so, you know... try to keep up.


What I will tell you does lead somewhere, even though it might be a windy road, so please bear with me and try to read slowly and deliberately the words that I write to you.

When I was at school, I knew a boy named David Nolan. I think he had a brother called Christopher, but my memory is not so good sometimes.
We must have been between the ages of 11-13, as this was at a middle school called, St Joan of Arc's.

St Joan of Arc (Jeanne d'Arc) is the Christian patron saint of soldiers, martyrs, and France. maybe you know of her - she has an interesting story.
She was burned alive on the 30th May, 1431, so her saint's day is soon. In a few weeks will be 585 years since her death.

We had to learn French at school. I learned it for many years, et mon français reste encore terribles...

I am very bad at many languages and many other things - I am sure you are very bad at many things too.
But I am also very good at other things, and I am sure you are very good at many things, too.


The Nolan I knew had leukemia, a type of cancer. He had bone marrow transplants and chemotherapy and was always weak and sickly.
Sir Elton John gave him many caps to wear. He always wore the most hideous, attention grabbing caps.
In a school photo I remember, he is wearing a bright pink one so that he is the only person I see in the photo.
That used to really piss me off, that he would get all the attention. It used to piss off a lot of the other kids too.

We were all envious of the attention that he would receive.

His eyesight was poor, but we found that his magnifying lenses were good for starting fires.
I didn't like him, and not only because he smelled of sickness.
It is possible to smell when someone has cancer, did you know that?
It is something I have smelled on several people in the past.

Anyway, the Nolan I knew, one day he collapsed in the school's swimming pool changing rooms.
We were told we all had to stop swimming and the lesson was over. We blamed David.
I dived into the pool. I forgot it was not very deep at all.
I smashed my face into the concrete of the "deep" end and it made me see stars.

Since I was briefly out of it, I choked on some water. But I pulled myself out of the pool and coughed a little.
No-one noticed, because all attention was on David Nolan. Everyone secretly blamed him for the swimming lesson being over.

One day, two sad but kindly looking people - a man and a woman - came into our class and told us they were from the "make a wish" foundation.
These people would grant kid's with terminal illnesses something great. They were a charity, maybe they are still around.
They told us, "David wants to take all his friends out to a swimming party, at the Pyramids" (which was a super-awesome indoors swimming center, with cool slides and a wave machine and a tide pool and all kinds of cool stuff).
It was strange, because I don't think anyone considered themselves David Nolan's friend...

We went and we had a good time. I don't remember seeing David Nolan there much, but no-one really wanted to share the water with a sick and dying kid.
I didn't go to the funeral, but I did wonder - why did he choose to give the class such a great time at a swimming pool, when he could have had ANYTHING?
Maybe he knew how people felt about the cancelled swimming lesson at school? Maybe he wanted that swimming lesson that he could never have, back then.
Who knows? Who cares..? He's dead. We're not.

Neither me nor the other kids understood at the time.
Now I think about it - I understand even less... Hmm...

Anyway, hope you are awake because this is the interesting part, so pay attention.

The last Nolan I knew - he *was* a hideous freak.

He wasn't good looking. In fact, I think his friend was the albino kid who also had to wear a hat all the time, although he did have hair.
He also had a magnifier, come to think of it, but wouldn't let us use it to start fires...
Anyway - this Nolan kid - he ended up doing something that made everyone his friend, if only for a bit.

He used the old "get my friend to ask them out for me" tactic. We couldn't say no, because, well - he was dying and all and it really was an awesome pool complex...
Not the best way, but it's an option.

Let's move on.


This girl is a big crush for you, huh?
In your mind, when you are brave enough to imagine it, you are already rejected.
You will be rejected a lot in life, and when you are - it is not usually because of looks.
Trust me - I am a handsome guy (you can barely tell my nose has been broken so many times, or my tooth punched out and reset, or my jaw's crooked) - I know.

In your mind, when you are brave enough to imagine it, she is already in the arms of someone you consider to be less of a hideous freak and more good looking than you are.

What you are experiencing, in your recurring dreams, is what all guys go through - an infatuation with a girl who they think is waaay out of their league.
Because the guy thinks they're not handsome enough, or strong enough, or good enough, or brave enough, or smart enough, or fast enough, or never enough is enough.

You know - more great things in this world have been accomplished by men set out to prove that a woman was WRONG about them than they have to win the love of a woman.
When people set out to win something, they win it and they have won. Winning is easy.
But, as life will surely teach you - some women will never accept that they were wrong, and some men will never prove (to themselves or to the woman) that they were or are good enough.

In my life, I have traveled great distances and done things I never dreamed I would do to try and win the love of a woman.
But the furthest I have traveled and the things I have done that I DID dream I would do were to prove to that bitch and myself that I AM the man I say I am.
An example, I met an illustrator (a twin) in Oslo. Frigid Oslo... Pushwagner was an interesting man. It was a great adventure. Together we did good things that neither of us would have done alone.

When she spurned me - ghosted me no less, for no good reason (her old bf was back, now that he realised she was "worth something" since another guy was interested) - I was furious.
I could have hit her in rage, too.

You understand, hitting anyone is fine if you are cool about it - if you're cool about it, you generally don't need to hit anyone.
Women are [mostly] weaker than us, physically (gonna get told off for saying that, though...) so it's regarded that a man hitting a woman is bad and wrong because we have an unfair advantage in the fists department. I've met a few women who have hit me pretty hard, but it's not the same as a guy hitting you. A guy hitting you is generally a lot harder and the bits that they hit you with are bonier and sharper and it really can hurt a lot more. Us men, we have an instinct for violence - if you feel it, you gotta find a way to release it in a decent, gentlemanly manner.

Once, when I was 18 and working at a pizza joint while at music college. I used to practice my taekwondo patterns out in the back lot of the pizza place.
There were some big smelly dumpsters out back there, and some people I knew - we'd hang out while I worked, you know...

A girl who I was dating knee'd me in the balls really hard - just out of the blue, no reason.
I picked her up and threw her in the dumpster because all I could feel was pain and rage.
If I had hit her, I'd've really hurt her. That would've been awful, because we were dating and (worse) I'd've been the bad guy.
When I asked her why she did it - she said, "just to see what it felt like, to see if I could."...

Fair enough, I thought.
The fact I didn't hit her back, and instead picked her up and put her in the dustbin proved to me that - even when I was feeling like an animal - I could keep my cool and not hit a woman.
It is my belief that hitting women for no good reason is wrong. I'd hope you'd believe the same thing.

We dated for a few years, but we broke up when she met some other guy when she went to university. I cried for a long time until my mother saw me and said, "get over it, it won't be the last time, get used to it".
She was a firm believer in "tough love" my mother.

It's fine to fantasise or dream about hitting people - there's nothing shocking or wrong with thinking about violence. Just look at the movies... That Quentin Tarantino... Blimey... He has a lot of violent fantasies.
But he makes movies about it - he takes those violent fantasies and dreams and turns them into multi-million dollar (damn good) movies and makes a lot of money and probably gets a lot of girls, even though he kinda looks a bit funny and is a bit of a freak, really (he's obsessed with putting black guy's penises into people's mouths... idk why... but that's not normal, right? Not unless you're a gay guy, in which case it might be normal, but I reckon Tarantino is pretty straight).
Anyway - He *sublimates* his violence and his fantasy and his hurt and his joy and all his emotions into something else. He turns all the times he didn't have the guts to ask that girl out, he turns all the times a girl wanted a "better" guy and then wanted that "better" guy (and the girl) to get hit by a car or abducted by racists and held hostage in a shop with ninja swords or whatever - he turns it into movies. And he's gotten very good at it, so you can bet that Tarantino, being the weird little freak he is, has been rejected a lot of times.



THE SHORT STORY: - "NolanCRules" dream, by me.

You are experiencing an important thing.
You are experiencing a crush on a girl. All consuming.
Maybe you think you love her.
Maybe that is true.

You are also experiencing some feelings that you are not good enough compared to the kind of guy that you THINK this girl likes.
If you know what kind of guy a girl likes - please tell me your secret, because we could make a lot of money from your psychic powers.

It's true that you will never know what kind of guy this girl likes unless you have the guts to at least talk to her.
Your dream has told you that she will reject you if you "ask her out".
So don't ask her out, because you've already been rejected, buddy...

You are looking at yourself and (like me and many others) seeing a hideous freak, and thinking that this girl is thinking the same.
Now, Nolan - that's not smart, and you're a smart fella most likely. You can't know what other people are thinking. Not all the time.
Not unless you know them, and pretty well at that.

So, since you're gonna be rejected by her, see her in the arms of another guy, get mad, deck her, get kicked out of school - all for asking her out - again, don't ask her out.
How about you be cool and try talking to her instead?
You know, be gentlemanly about it.
You've already had your cry and been sad, so what's to lose?

If I was in your place, and I had had this dream, I would try to find out what kind of boy is good looking to her.
All subtle-like.
Maybe you already know what she likes, or what she is good at? And I don't mean, Justin Beiber or Jonas Brothers or wtf that guy's name is this week. I mean... does she like to read books? What kind of books? What music does she like? Why does she like that music? Do you like that music too? Has she ever played this video game? Does she even play video games? If not, why not?

Since you have already been rejected, asking her out - don't ask her out - ask her.
You have the guts to ask her out, and that's a lot, right?
Takes no guts at all to simply say... actually Idk her name, I'm gonna call her Emily, because I think that is a nice name...

You can come up with your own questions or conversation or whatever, but here is something like how I would do it:

me: "hey Emily, can I ask you something..?"
em: "you just did".
me: "damn... you're smart".

Well, that was a bust... let's try again.

me: "hi, Emily! hey, can I ask you something real quick?"
em: "uh... why..?"
me: "because I wanna know what kinda music you like".
em: "why?"
me: "because you seem nice and so I thought you might have a good taste in music" (she probably doesn't - most girls taste in music sucks - but you might be surprised).
em: "I like Slayer, really into 80's thrash metal atm."
me: "I hate trash metal".
em: "freak".
me: "says you, freak".

well... that one was ok. At least I now know she's a bigger freak than me, because Slayer really suck...
One more for good luck...

me: "uh... hi, em..."
em: "what do you want???!?!"
me: "I just wanted to ask you something".
em: "ask me what?"
me: "I wanted to ask you if you like drawing" (because I already know she likes drawing because I've seen her drawing and everyone knows she likes drawing cos this is art class)
em: "yeah I like drawing... why?"
me: "can I look at some of your drawings sometimes? I want to be good at drawing, too".
em: "really? you want to look at my drawings?"
me: "yeah - I saw one once but I didn't get a good look, and it looked really good, so I wanted a better look."
em: "hmmm... ok - take a look".
me: "hey, you know - that is a pretty good drawing. Wanna quickly draw something together some time, maybe lunch? I know a game called "the exquisite corpse" that we can play - it's really fun.

//I should point out that this is "asking her out" kinda, so it can be a rejection scenario, but being rejected for lunch today doesn't mean she can't tomorrow lunch or whatever - if she says no, no biggie - at least you know she always eats with her friends at lunch, so next time you talk maybe you can try something else..?

Google it, Nolan. Exquisite Corpse is a great drawing game.
I have some great ones from some great (and terrible) illustrators that I've turned into some nice pics or are just... really weird... They all mean a lot to me, to have them. Rene Magritte (google) used to play it a lot too. In fact, there are some examples of ones he made / played with some friends at his museum in Belgium... in the room with all his letter and the dove/apple painting... I forgot about that til just now.

Anyway - do you see what I am getting at here..?

Your dream tells you that you are rejected if you ask her out, and you probably will be. The rejection feeds your idea that you are not a good guy, so don't let it happen in that way.
Rejection is nothing against your personality. A personality is not fixed. It changes. This girl you think is great now might - in even a few weeks - turn out to be a total bitch and you'll wonder wtf you ever liked her for.
But you won't know what kind of boy she thinks is good looking until you find out. And to do that - you have to talk to her.

And that takes less guts than asking her out, and if she doesn't want to talk to you then, well - that saves you being humiliated by asking her out and her saying no and then you going and crying and then getting mad and punching her in the face that you thought was so pretty and getting kicked out of school.


THE SUPER SHORT STORY:

Your dream means, be cool - don't ask her out - just talk to her instead, if you like her so much, because you don't know what kind of boy she thinks is good looking - but you DO know that she probably doesn't appreciate freaks she doesn't know well just coming up to her and asking her out.
And find some way to let out that rage - pick up an instrument or a pen, then pick up squash racquet, or lift some weights, or go running til you can't no more, then play some video games or watch a movie.

Focus your rage into something that YOU think (not what you think she thinks, cos you don't know) is the kind of thing that good looking boys do.
No... not comb your hair and smile in the mirror all day at their hipster haircuts and trashy tattoos... what REAL decent guys do.

It's what I do every day, and it makes me a good man who is good at good things (but still... very bad at many languages).

My whole life is proving to myself that some woman or other (the Russian, the Rose and the Norwegian twin, generally) was wrong about me - and that my girlfriend is right: that I am wrong about myself (she's *always* right about that kinda stuff, in the end).


Sorry I type a lot, but I don't talk often - so when I do I make sure I say everything that needs to be said. If I said it once before, then it bears repeating.


THE END


https://youtu.be/XrU9RnMRreg

Sorry, the game is known as "Picture Consequence" now, I guess because auntie mom didn't like the old name:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picture_consequences

I'll find some of my favourite ones from my collection to show you, maybe, if you ask.