Thread: DCs Say the Darndest Things

Lucid, in a dream, talking to my subconscious, using a tube:
Me-"How will i be in the future regarding work?"
Dream-"Bad."
Me-"Why?"
Dream-"Because you don't feel like doing stuff."
(Note: I have been a lazy guy these days, i confess.)

Lava monster-"I'm sorry..."

I look at the corner of the room I am to see a guitar on it's stand and in front of it a pile of books and magazines. The magazine on the top of the pile shows the picture of a gun and then in bright letters the title of the magazine read "FEVER REVERENGE". (Dream combined the words "Reverend" and "Revenge")

frying man:Bad guy in club tells me, "I'm going to kill you, then I'm going to kick you out of this club!"

this deserves the Grusho Marx quote: "i would never join a club which would accept ME as a member!"

I'm watching a show where some female reporters are interviewing Keanu Reeves. The camera is focused solely on him as he sits on the floor and rummages through a backpack full of old things from his youth. He talks about how he used to keep things, weird things. He was obsessed with a girl in school (I think High School) and he takes out a little clear plastic container full of what look like tacks of all different colors. He explains that these are her "carpet pins" and the reporters all gasp and laugh nervously. He opens the lid of the container and takes a deep sniff before making a weird nervous sound. One of the reporters asks, "What is something else you are [embarrassed?] about having kept?" Keanu thinks for a moment, then says, "It was nice to clear out the last body part I used for anything." The reporters do that nervous laughing thing again and in my mind's eye I imagine Keanu using a chicken foot as a kitchen utensil.

Tonight a lady told me my soul was the last resort of the devil. I don't think that was a very polite thing to say.

In a HH I could hear someone singing: “Loving, loving so faaast.”

Britt Robertson, an actress, is being interviewed on stage. She is trying to say something about herself I guess and she forgets her own name, the way one might sometimes forget a word. She laughs and makes jokes about it. Someone puts her name up on a screen for her, and Britt laughs and says something like "wow, sitting right here?" pretending as though she is a fan and is excited to be sitting in the same seat as Britt Robertson, and everyone thinks it is so funny

And also, I was with Emily Blunt filming a movie and Emily said, "I don't want to be near that girl dressed like a f*****g 10-year-old."

I'm just crawling around the floor like a toddler until I notice a DC looking at me like "WTF?" and then I explain to them that this helps me be more creative.

That tidal wave is gonna get ya!
- Leonardo di Caprio to me, as we were surfing and a big wave was coming at me.

Guess he'd know about drowning #TitanicLOL

A girl had created this tall creepy creature out of cardboard or something and he was chasing us and we were running across a bridge to get away from it. She called out to her friend behind her, "You would have the easiest time running away from a bald eagle, Jax, so embrace it and good luck!"

Talking about a level of a video game: "That one's so hard, it's on the Scuba forum!"

Umm...what?

A DC whom I just saw playing squash and then dancing comes up to me and cups my arm with both of his hands and tests my muscle by pressing, pulling and pushing it.
Then goes on to say that I have a lot of pure muscle. Not much fat which means that I can pretty much eat what I want and quite a lot because I won't put on weight. I can just fart it off. All the food that I eat can easily turn to gas and I can just fart it off. He then goes onto a blackboard to write down my next steps. One of which is to eat more fresh meat.

To be fair it actually seems like legit observations and guidance haha, just random...

"Your hot pants were born by poison"

Originally Posted by Rodrodrod

just fart it off.

Freaking hilarious

"I'm a priest, I still have a cheese-grade factory"

I woke up in my bed on a bright, summer morning. Everything was beautiful until a deformed Gollum lunged at me. I threw it onto the ground and electrocuted it.
Suddenly, my friend Garrett appears and states "It was all Etho's trick." and jumps out the window.

EDIT: This wasn't from my dream, but a friends dream. He woke up and I appeared at the edge of his bed, holding the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda. I said, and I quote: "Swing this if you want to lucid dream!"

It's been a long time without notable dream dialogue /poems/ jokes, got this one just last night:

Return to a restaurant with my girlfriend and a guy friend, girlfriend gets sad and quiet, she says she asked the staff for t.p. for the bathroom and they refused. My guy friend then says:

"What do you call a stall[*1] without toilet paper? A STALL[*2]!!"

[*1] human bathroom stall
[*2] a place for animals

Also last night: in the bordello, I summon the girl to my room by activating the touch screen, but you also have to call out loud "DING DONG"

At same bordello observing a gay John leaving his room:

John: "The room was too cold!"
Hooker: "The room theme was 'Italy' and Italy is cold!"

Last night I had a DC ask me if there were pet dogs in the South. When I told him yes, it just blew his friggin mind. He absolutely could not fathom Southerners owning dogs.

Sitting at a table with Shane & Lori form 'The Walking Dead'

Shane lifts glass in my direction 'You're a c***.'
Me - 'What?'
Shane replies in a cod Southern US accent 'You're our Chief of Countdown'
Lori raises her glass and repeats 'You're our Chief of Countdown' with an expression which suggests we should humour the silly man.

"Feed me a unicorn!!!"-door knob

Me: "What is your favorite color?"

DG: "Milky human peeish poo."

Middle-aged lesbian in a shoe store seated on a bench buying running shoes: "I have a quarter-twisted foot: I don't have AIDS!!"

Big burly guy who runs a tiny deli counter in a mall: "Szechuan Palace is stealing my business!"
He also said "someone's been eating my condiments/cookies, but that's OK because I'm not very hungry today"

I am with a DC friend and another DC I don't know and we are talking about life whilst sitting around a table. I then say how we are all one and immediately turn to my friend and we simultaneously reach out for a fist bump. I then put my fist for the other DC and he bumps it. I then fist bump the table in front of me. I look to my friend and see him copying me haha.