Thread: Journal

Woke up at 7 this morning, was going to journal but went to sleep instead. Those dreams are nearly forgotten, but I remember watching on my computer in a perfect image of my Spokane basement a waking-life type animation sequence of incredible vividness, with the supposed Timothy Leary in a van with an anonymous interviewer. He asked the question, "Do you really believe in a sort of collective consciousness of people?" to which Tim, who was now walking down the street alone, replied "Of course, no doubt." He did not look anything like Tim.

Had a very long, strange one which I remember almost perfectly afterwards.

I was in the choir room of my school, it was very different in shape, reminds me now of a music room from 3rd grade. I spoke with the instructor for a while, I don't remember what he was saying. Then, he appeared to leave, and I sat down with a fellow student named Drew. I forget what we were talking about as well, we appeared to be arguing, then he showed me a bouncy ball that he had. It was an awesome device, you threw it as hard as you could and it would always eventually return to its point of origin. I tested it a couple times to prove that it worked. I remember somewhere during this time spilling a lot of some yellow substance all over my shoes, I think it might have been mustard. I told Drew I had to go to the school now, and I picked up my scooter and left. It was a motor scooter and I have no idea how I got it.

The choir room seemed to have been placed about a block away from the actual building, completely opposite of its normal position as an annex on the other side. I rode my scooter to the school, and did some impossible and accidental trick on it. I was beginning to grow paranoid that someone would mug me for it. I walked inside and lots of people stared with reluctant smiles at the presence of a giant scooter in my arms, I don't remember what I said, but I started a conversation, and a girl told me "You shouldn't even have that at school, you'll get robbed" and I said "Well its my only transport." I remember saying "its my only transport" several times.

I arrived in the lunch room to see my usual group of lunch hang outs, along with an old friend who I never speak with or spend time with anymore waving to me as he always does. Two weren't there at first and appeared to be on the other side of the benches, though I couldn't see their faces. In some strange overlapping of beings they appeared behind someone who was sitting there, and began to emerge like ghosts of some kind. I looked away in an unrelated reason and when I looked back they were there. I greeted everyone by name, a bit confused as to who was who, and eventually after a bunch of forgotten chit chat I was off with scooter in hand. I felt wary of the warning of being robbed, so I held the scooter low with the intention of nobody seeing it, some nonsensical dream logic.

I rode my scooter all the way to the Rice King, which was apparently my third job. This place is non existent except for a small store located on an army base down here in Oxnard, CA(where I am for the summer). It is not the giant Chinese restaurant I envisioned, and I never actually saw the title, that's just what I assumed it was called and was told it was called. I thought "Damn, this is a long way" and remembered that my car was parked all the way there. I arrived at the doorstep still riding my scooter, and a couple of other kids arrived with me. One showed up on a scooter, it wasn't a motor scooter, and he looked at me with jealousy.

Eventually someone came out of the store, and there were now about 12 kids or so standing outside, ranging from what seemed like 10-17 years old. This man who came out, who was in his early twenties, spoke to us of the great opportunity of working at Rice King, or something like that, and filled us in on the many challenges ahead of us to determine who was fit to work there. It was fucking ridiculous.

After hazy scenes of being inside speaking with the nazi Chinese manager who was deciding all of these strange feats, we ended up in the middle of the parking lot. I headed over to my car real quickly, perhaps locking up my scooter. It was already on as it always is in my dreams. I stepped out, and next thing I remember we were being instructed by a young woman, who was beautiful but made plain by her uniform. They wore all black for some reason... in a fashion of a funeral that was informal. She told us something I don't remember considering directions, and then offered a tour of the resturaunt.

I was walking through a hallway(with dining tables and corny Chinese decor along the walls) with all of these people, none of which seemed to care for me very much. Many were very childish(and apparently young), and I remember a slew of childish actions. Sometime while inside I sampled some delicious cookies. For some reason, I recall swimming, and one of the other hires, trainees, the competition, I've no idea, telling me I wouldn't make a good member of the team while I was behind them during a race.

Next I remember, we arrived at the rooftop. It was massive, covered in the most radiant grass, and overhead was a brilliant blue sky, as opposed to the cloudy and then dark one I had experienced through the whole dream. Over on one side of the building lie the most magnificent view of the ocean I had ever seen, with the sun over it, like a rotoscoped painting of perfection. This was one of the best visuals of any dream I've ever had. I began to forget about the Rice King, though the kids were all still there. They complained about something and I said, "Its fucking beautiful though, isn't it?" Someone disagreed.

Suddenly, there were a bunch of very strange, rabbit-like creatures, that were red and boxed. One was huge, with two other minions followed. They said something threatening and for some reason we realized this as our last test. They began to approach the kids one by one, and continuously said "Tell me the mushroom" and "Tell me the fucking mushroom" (some of the most inane babble I've had in my dreams). The dream turned into an overhead view of some 24-bit video game, where each of us were suddenly rabbit-like moogle types. The red creatures would approach one of us at a time, demanding that we "tell them the mushroom" and we would be given a choice of 2 things on a menu screen, either Apple or Mushroom. Obviously, we continuously picked mushroom, though I was never confronted myself and you couldn't actually hear anyone but the red ones. I then woke up, showered and got on here to type this up.

I recall the company of two people, one an elementary and middle school friend named Jon who I speak with on occasion and another a manipulative psychotic named Cory. We were in a house which was vaguely familiar as Jon's but was gigantic, and dark. The backyard which we eventually moved into was something like a twilight realm of darkness(think zelda, for lack of a better comparison) and was gigantic, almost mystic and very disturbing, but I didn't seem to notice at the time.

I don't remember what we were doing, but I said something concerning the ethics of an action that Cory had just committed, telling him that he was doing something terrible. He proceeded to mock me. A few blurs later, he and Jon were wrestling or something, and I noticed a tropical frog sitting in the middle of the living room, it was bright, multicolored and beautiful and of great contrast to the dreary setting of the home. I said, "Hey, there's a frog there, watch out." and the idea of them squashing and killing the wondrous little thing worried me. Cory replied, "Oooooooh, a frog, a frog, a frog" over and over again he said this, mocking me for my empathy. I couldn't even make out Jon's face.

We ended up in the backyard, I was on the roof and Jon was swimming in the pool, which to my memory seems black and green, almost like tar. The yard was a bit like a marsh, and was much larger than a yard should be, with no other houses surrounding this property. Vast is a word I'd like to use, almost infinite. I don't know where Cory was, but I sensed a presence behind me that I believe to have been him.

I woke up uncannily at about 7:25 O clock just like the previous day, and went back to sleep. I'm not sure if it was a false awakening or not, because I remember one of those last night, but its very vague as a memory. Anyways, here's my dream from then on.

My best friend, Cory(different person), was apparently going away somewhere, and we only had a few hours to spend together before he left(it was only vacation). I remember walking around with him in some metropolis-type setting, then ending up in a room somewhere in front of a television set. I was persuading him to watch something, telling him it was "really funny" or something of the sort. This is a sequence I find very hard to explain. It was a very scattered bunch of events, where we were watching a movie or some type of visual program, then I would be experiencing the movie firsthand, then I would be watching it with Cory and it had turned out I was playing a video game, but it was all occurring as a movie might. We both shared many laughs at the beginning of the movie but as it progressed neither of us seemed to enjoy it, and he seemed disappointed that we had wasted our time watching it. At the same time that these things were happening I would be imagining many things, almost as if I was day dreaming in my dream, analyzing all that was happening so intensely that I would experience countless images in a quick flash, which I can remember intangibly but can't explain.

In the contents of the "movie" I remember a lot of time spent in a gigantic arcade, on each were games of great detail and intensity, often violent and strange, but this may have been in the previous dream with the other Cory and Jon. When playing these games I would become so immersed that it was almost a dream within a dream, in fact I believe this is how I transitioned into a stage of nightmarish, decaying beings... I don't remember much of them, just that they were great in number, similar to my common zombie-eradication dreams I used to have a year back when I was heavy into Resident Evil, 28 days Later and Romero works... first glimmer of anything like that for a while, as I'm quite bored with horror and gore now..

At some point there was a vampyric, naked woman chained to a wall like a dark age prisoner of some sort, dipping some mechanical thing into a toilet and pulling it out... it appeared to be a nintendo DS... this scene was very reminiscent of a scene in a South Park episode in which Cartman drives a nanny insane to the point of sitting beside her toilet in an institution feasting on her own excrement... so this seems a representation of insanity of some sort, thank god my mind decided to tone it down. She had fangs and threatened (me?) in one of the most disturbing series of flashes I've memory of in a dream, she was seductive. She was apparently some sort of antagonist in the course of the movie, and later a group of... people, I don't know who, were standing on the outer bridge of a castle in some sort of superhero-like suits, the leading one chanting something motivational in a voice identical to Simon Pegg, talking about how they will defeat the wretched thing. (quasi)Reality check here.

This is when Cory and I came back into vision, as whatever was happening on the movie continued in the background, he seemed upset with the movie and wasting his time on it.

Next, I remember being with him in the airport and perhaps on an airplane, but this is all very sketchy. Maybe out of order as well... but I believe its the last before I woke up.

Was driving down California at very high speeds(first time I've had a driving dream without crashing or being uncertain, or naked, I think since I've improved so much at driving) in my Cougar from Spokane, on a stretch of road that looked exactly like Seattle's highway. I was heading home(oxnard). I arrived, and it was very different than most. I was with Brian and Jimmy(step brothers), and we were repairing something, I don't know what, it was just a giant cylindrical thing in the middle of the room... he asked me what I did with the ______ wrench, and though I knew I didn't have it last I looked anyways, all around the house, and found it eventually in some random place. The house was strange, the yard was very different and reminded me of some kind of old European blacksmithing place. I think I eventually went out with Brian, and I remember some confrontation with Jimmy.

I remembered much more this morning but got caught up posting on other threads and listening to music that I just plain forgot... what I've realized is that my dreams have been neutral or bad for the past two months and that I really need to get back home... and when they go lucid, a bunch of my new family members will appear, and I will lose lucidity... need to get out of here.

Will post more if I remember it.

EDIT-I also woke up from around 7-7:25 this morning, interesting pattern I've had the past few days.

A very bizarre scrambling of people I know... many of whom I don't like. My good friend Sky and I were walking around back and forth, he was speaking to me of his many insecurities. I think we were in a house, though I believed it to be a gas station upon my first entry. A lot happened here, but I can't remember anything specifically, just that it did. Suddenly, my old friend Jerry walked in, who I haven't spoken to in quite a while, strangely with very long dreadlocks that looked different on him and his long red hair. I said "Jerry! What's going on?" and he replied with something similar. After hanging out for a while, we got in a car and drove somewhere. I was originally in the backseat, telling jokes while Jerry laughed, I think Sky was driving. I then looked around me to a horrifying sight, there were massive skyscrapers everywhere, destroyed at their tops and engulfed in terrible flames. Absolutely surrounding us. I think I was either in shotgun or driver's seat, and Sky was nowhere. "Are any of these the twin towers?" I said and was never given an answer. We drove on, straight down this long stretch of road through a desolate city of flame....

Woke up at around 7:30, went back to sleep.

At Jamba Juice, though it looks entirely different than usual, and was mostly a bunch of shelves. Talking with one of my coworkers, Sarah, she was telling me how she was jealous of another one, asking me all these inane questions about it. I wandered around the store for a bit. Eventually, I exited it at the front.

I was then on a gigantic field, I had magical powers and was with many others who did. They were characters from South Park, with voices as such and reminded me how they make-believe and battle on the show, except this was in a very realistic type of visual. They posed little significance in my dream and were forgotten midway through this part. We fought monsters who I don't remember, seemed like giant insects and a dragon-like beast.

Ended up on a bridge on top of some fortress, fighting something or the other, don't know how. Saw a picture of a "mog" which is a moogle mixed with a frog, apparently. I haven't played video games at all for weeks and they still haunt my dreams... strange dialogue with fantasy characters, one was a young witch... woke up.

Uninteresting for the most part, but the tremendous and unsettling sight of those fiery buildings will be memory forever ingrained into my conscious mind...

Sexual dream, very twisted.. certain parts I won't forget, no need to post it all here... very disturbing images, in my Spokane room, pitch black with silhouettes of all the familiar objects in there shining out, apparently the break of dawn outside, two oblique figures making love in the middle... they disappear, I begin to search for them, they're nowhere. I get distracted and start to lose my mind trying to find where they've gone. The rest becomes too bizarre, I'm not comfortable with sharing it and don't need to write it down to remember it.

Woke up at 3.

Went to sleep again, had a dream about my father. Long, terrible dream akin to all of my recurring nightmares involving him as of late, very memorable, will not elaborate too much, an argument ensued for what seemed like hours. I began to think homicidal thoughts towards him, possibly letting them out, as he sat there and jeered and laughed at me while I poured my soul upon him. My stepbrothers appeared at some point, telling me I was overreacting. I woke up in the midst of a dreamt emotional breakdown, 3 AM, left the couch and lied in bed.

From here, I had a more pleasant dream, not euphoric as I'd hope, but I was in the company of my three best friends, Kevin, Cory and Nick, and it was comforting. We were in Cory's car, and the dream begins in my memory from the moment that we pull up to the school. Now that I think of it, the inside partially resembled my middle school and high school combined, while a hallway seems to have been akin to the upper floor of my elementary school, but most schools look the same so it may have all been conjured up randomly by my mind. Kevin and Cory basically disappeared, leaving me and Nick to walk inside the school. We were meeting a drummer, someone to add to our band, apparently his name was William Floyd. We walked up to him, he was surrounded by a group of friends, and we all began to talk. He was short, not necessarily young, but appearing to be. Nick inquired about his musical ability, while I questioned his influences. We apparently came to some sort of agreement, and Nick and I walked down the hallway, talking about the drummer. It seemed we were being stared at by all of the students. On the way out, we saw Connor, one of Nick's former band mates, and the two talked quite a bit. Eventually we broke away from them and ended up at Cory's car, and realized he was gone. Kevin appeared next to us, and we assumed he was there the whole time. Suddenly, I received a call from Kaila, who said Cory was hanging out with her, and that she was coming to pick us up or something. We spoke for a while and I was woken up by my alarm clock at 5:45, and went to a miserable day of work.(real life)

I just can't wait to be sailing a turquoise sea again, instead of all this disturbing, emotional nonsense.

Something about Jamba Juice. Tossed and turned until 3:30 in the morning, woke up at 8 or so for work, no dreams in between.

Went to bed last night with a mind of ease... dad's off on trip, step mom's in San Luis a Bisbo, step brothers are off drunk somewhere and the house is all mine...

South Park dream, all the characters were doing something silly and important to them. Talked to Craig for a very long time. Don't remember anything else.

With my best friend Cory, I was walking around. Don't know where, exactly, perhaps a giant market, but we ended up at a mall. Ran into two old friends and one occasional acquaintance, Roman and Jesse(the first now a crackhead, the second a compulsive clepto and thief who has fried his brain by misusing psychedelics), and Connor(my best friend's old bandmate, a partier who is close to fucking himself up on acid). I began to talk to them, I spoke to Connor first and we greeted each other casually. Then I noticed Jesse and said"Jesse, what's up man?" to which he replied, "Oh shiiit, its Cash, man!" in his nerdy drugged up way, making hand motions like he always has, I think we may have slapped hands or something. Then I saw Roman, who I spoke to saying "What the fuck, is that Roman?" as he spoke to me, I asked him if he was clean now, then I started talking to Jesse if he was clean, both of them told me they were. Cory came over, saw Roman, and said "What the hell, you're still alive?" in his usual sarcasm which I thought was hilarious. Eventually I was talking to Roman again, he was sitting behind a booth, and he was saying "Yeah, man" and suddenly confessing to me all his drug use, how he still snorts shit and whatever. And some point in my dream somebody was telling me how they used to use all these specific drugs, they were completely imaginary, though, just long figments of my imagination ending in "ide" and "ine."

Then I went outside, supposedly standing right outside the mall and ended up on one of two sets of side-by-side bleachers. I could feel myself awakening, and was getting confused. I looked at the boy on the other side, he stared at me squinting his eyes as I felt I was doing, I couldn't see him very well. I said "Is that... is that.." he replied, "Reds?" I said "Yeah, Reds! What're you doing here?" (my old friend Chris nicknamed Reds, who I still talk to on rare occasion) "Oh, you know... just waiting in the desert... doing some desert waiting." He began to chuckle. I thought, "wow, we're in the desert, he's waiting here for a bus or something, that's ridiculous..." Which is when a lightbulb came on. "Dear god, this is ridiculous... and I can feel myself getting ripped away from this world, I'm dreaming! Sweet."

I leaped off the bleachers and walked up to the street in the middle. Cars were whirring by, and I raised my arms and screamed "STOP CARS!" They all screeched to a halt. I then began a sprint into the middle, and screamed "FLY!" and soared through the air triumphantly. I whirled around and around, exploring this desert scape and looking at the bright and eternal sunset. When I looked one way, however, I felt I was about to wake up, so simply went the other. Soon, I could feel myself waking up, much to my dismay, and at 9:45 or so I was up with a huge "Fuck!" as my first LD in ages was disrupted. But, glad that I've finally got my mind in a state to perform them, and will be trying hard as all hell from now on.

Went back to sleep. This time, a long, long dream about a Zelda-type fantasy. I remember travelling aimlessly through space levels, reaching goals and going through all these portals. One place in particular was one I returned to twice, the first time to retrieve a sword after fighting this many-eyed beast, the second time I did not know why, but when I arrived and there was this golden mushroom sitting behind a tree, with some large statue beside it(for some reason a cat comes to mind). The mushroom sparkled radiantly and reminded me that it must be that mushroom I was sent to find. I picked it up, and was surrounded by a beautiful and psychedelic sequence of multichromatic mushrooms, floating around me like leaves upon the wind until the single one rested in my cloak.. I think. Then, some creature spoke to me in an echoing voice of darkness, descended upon me and I was attacked by hordes of monsters. There were some statues involved, one apparently of Zelda, two more, one possibly of Link, and they each withdrew upon my completion of a task.

I've played way too many video games in my life...

A bus was driving me all the way to an event, don't remember which. All I remember is that this place that feels recurrent, its like a woodland with wooden bridges, was what we were driving through. There were gaps every now in the bridges, and I remember the driver saying "Oh dammit, there's even more of these things!"(I remember in a past dream with some of them in the same area). We simply drove over them, she yelled to some wandering person that they were "regulatory speed gaps" or something. At the end was a huge jump which we didn't make, but I then climbed up afterwards.

Here everything is a blur, but I was now driving home on the same bus with the same driver , now with a girl. She was nerdy and a bit homely. We were going to go to her house since her parents were gone. The bus ride home was long and I spoke to her for quite a while, which is when we decided we'd go to her house. She was nervous and strange. When we got there, I believe we played video games for a while. One of her rooms was a giant, circus-type place, with some platform surrounding it all, very high up and above a slippery and smooth slide-type surface. She observed me from the top. I eventually told her I was going to bed, and headed off to what I think was her parent's room. I closed and locked the door behind me, and before going to sleep saw a cat passing by in the yard through the window. I decided I wanted to pet it while I was sleeping and so I walked towards it, then I noticed a man walking around in the back, and quickly ducked to hide. I hid in several different places in the room, quite paranoid, and I locked the door. Eventually, as I was hiding right behind the bed and the door, her mom burst the door open and looked at me. She was blond and somewhat attractive. She started to talk to me about what the hell I was doing in her house and that she'd tell my parents. Suddenly, there were about 50 other teenagers in the house. I began to say "Listen, I don't drink or anything, I hate the whole idea of it" and she said "How can you prove it?" I hesitated and said "Well, just give me a breathalyser I guess." She continued to lay into me. I don't remember what she said, but when I looked over next, it was the dad, and he began to talk to me telling me it was alright and that I would get off fine.

Me and Cory were watching a Bob Weir DVD with Bob Weir(in his house?). Think I was picked up from this point by my dad. I remember a very vivid Estimated Prophet playing, and one time Cory walked up to Weir as the DVD was malfunctioning, calling him "Rush" for some reason. We talked a lot with him, small talk if I remember, and it was a pretty long sequence. His house was an apartment-type place. Bob Weir is very cool.

Was with my father and mother as we drove somewhere(I had my eyes closed during the ride) out of Spokane, apparently near California to a hotel. In this hotel was some sort of convention with many kids from school. Brandon, Alex, Kolter... a bunch of lesser acquaintances, there was a large buffet and all I remember is separation from my parents and some very rude waiters. I think I was forced to clean something up.

Next, I was wandering around the city for some reason, a valid one explained in a forgotten dream gap. I walked into a basketball court and Luke, my old jock friend, was standing next to me. We spoke on friendly terms, then he jumped in the game. Mitch then came in, and someone was yelling to him that he could join in if he wanted. Mitch sucks at everything, so I thought it was funny. On the bleachers I saw Alex and his girlfriend. I looked away and observed the game, then when I looked back on the bleachers there were several more people on there. I began to climb up them, it was hard since they were all retracted. I stared at the game for a while, then heard someone yell "YEAH STEVE!" and saw the image of this kid named Steven I haven't seen since 7th grade jump down from great lengths and then bolt across the top of the bleachers. I then decided to get down, saying excuse me to some guy below me and pushing the bleachers out. I was unsuccessful the first time, they all came back in, and I did it again. I jumped down upon them, a bit wary of the height, and walked out the door. I went next door to a store I saw, resembling the Milk Bottle in Spokane a bit, but with no bottle and more like a convenient store. I saw Leah in between, screaming something obnoxious about how awesome she was.

Mr. Miller, my German teacher, was running a store in this weird, metropolis setting. I don't remember what was said to him, or his assistant(the German TA) or vice versa. I remember buying crackers, cheese and chive ones, and running out of money when trying to buy anything else. Mr. Miller and I were both very glad to see each other and talked cheerfully. Wish I could remember the conversation. Once again saw Leah in between this walk and the next. I also visited this store on two occasions, perhaps once before the game and once afterwards, but I can't recall.

Ended up in front of a school, taking pictures of clouds and interesting-looking things. Wish I could remember what the clouds looked like, they were very distinct, almost artificial. This was the school in the new town I was being moved to, which by the looks of the environment outside seemed like California. I think my dad was talking to me on the phone while I took pictures. I eventually ended up inside, with the same English teacher as last year and same classmates.

All I remember was everyone in class being very stupid about something, and then me screaming "Whooooooo hoooo!" to mock them I guess, and a girl Emily telling me to just shutup. This may have happened after the fantasy dream.

Now, I remember a portal right next to the school which I entered; it looked almost organic and had purple electricity emitting from it. I then ventured down a long path through a huge laboratory with four people altogether; this started to feel like I was playing a game. At the end, the lead character from FF12 was turned to stone, and we all ran away from that point. I failed several times, and kept getting more chances. I think at this point, I walked out to see Mr. Miller and then walked out to the school(a second time) and into class, but I can't recall.

Vivid dreams... love them.

EDIT: I remember playing "Going Down the Road Feeling Bad" on guitar and singing it with several friends.

An old friend of mine, Amelia and I spent a lot of time talking in my house... I don't remember what we talked about, but it seemed for hours...

I remember images of Chris and Kaila and Cory as well. Its all so blurred, I kept waking up and going back to sleep and thus losing all memories of my dreams...

Just typed this, and lost it. Not in the mood, so I'll do a brief simplistic summary.

Yes concert,
Back to room,
South Park on TV,
Girl bursts in, asks to smoke a bowl,
Knows Yukio,
Window with man with hose in the corner,
Alarm sounds off as we go through window,
Enter the building, it is now my school,
Talk to yukio with luke beside him, then principal
Matt descends stairs,
Gates come down with fierce and frightening people staring,
I scurry but do not wish to submit to any class,
Walk up and stare into the window of a class full of animals, being studied and cared for. it is locked and i cant get in.

Salk,
Keeling,
Thank You,
Success.

Walking the steep edge, staring down at the distant fall; praying to my mind for safety. Being told I should get used to walking edges like this by my father, and yet they exist only in this museum which I've no interested in visiting. Get to the top and am ridiculed by him, put in a bizarre and twisted confrontation in which he laughs maniacally at me.

REALITY: My dad wakes me up. *knock knock knock* "You've got work at ten, don't you?"

Fear, I've misplaced my car in this strange neighborhood, supposedly California, but it is dark and industrial. I need to get to work, I am already late, the watch reads 6:58, I must be there at 7. I shouldn't have stopped to chat with those morons, those burnout fucks who idolize me, then I wouldn't have gotten caught up in giving them a ride, dwelling around at their house. Damn, damn, damn! I keep asking how to get to the Hueneme Jamba Juice in a terrible panic, and when someone tells me we could easily walk there, I realize that it is the Ventura outlet which I'm needed at. All hope is lost, my father calls and I know exactly what he will say. Stranded, lost forever in this desolate scape, never again to bare witness to that distant old life of mine... he makes small talk, with some smug tone of voice, and I know what he's leading up to... my mom and him have come to a decision he says, no... no...

I wake up, heart pounding with fear. It was only a dream, only a few more weeks to go and it will all return to normal. Its 12:30, I should really get up... but returning to sleep will allow such beautiful dreams..

Arrested Development, some blur of the characters, speaking of the two cousins. Suddenly the girl of my dreams is introduced... an image my mind conjured up more beautiful than any human I've seen, almost angelic. Blue clothing, mystic hair more golden than blonde... She is supposedly my step sister. She is in the company of a younger and an older sibling, niether are very interesting, in fact they irritate me. I sit down next to her, and we begin to speak. We finish speak and laugh simultaneously, and with some awkward and wondrous gaze decide to join hands... our embrace is one of pure innocence, and we spend what seems like hours in this basement setting just being next to each other. Eventually we walk over to the television, and star to play video games. Next thing I know, I'm playing by myself, being watched by some friend of mine. An older lady is challenging me to a game on a couch that wasn't there. I look frantically around for the girl... she's nowhere, and I soon forget. Some distant words from the woman.

I wake up.... detatched from reality this whole damn day, only the coffee lets me make it through the work day, even then I feel like slapping these apes around me.

What are they doing in my house? The girl, I trust her... why is she manipulating me so? The other.... he is so smug. They harass me to no end... I can hear them in the background, indulging "I've got the basic human decency to give you a ride home, but if you don't leave I'll call the fucking police!" I say to him. He laughs. Next thing I know, the police are there, searching everywhere. They want to convict me, me! God, what did I even do? Wait.. I remember... but it was a fluke, those two forced me into it... they'll let the judge decide, they say.

I'm not worried, they're the criminals. Here we are, some celestial judgement ground with chairs arranged thus... I pull some rope and down comes that dream beauty that I can't explain.... but I'm too lost in my own worry to appreciate it. The kids wow at it, but the paranoia is getting me. I speak to two of the people in charge, they're laid back, nerd-types. They reassure me that they'll vote for my case if I'm innocent. But then, I begin to remember... oh god, I actually did it.

I wake up with my heart pounding like mad. Go back to sleep.

I'm saving the world on this ship... I dont know how or why but there are creatures who wish to end us. Eventually I succeed, it was no trouble really... not even a bit of worry. Congratulations all around... and then her, that psychotic, simplistic waste of time... she's here again, and I'm falling under her stupid little spell. Ah, fuck her, I think, I wish she'd go away. I don't remember much else....

No recent efforts been made to remember.

Nothing seems important when I wake up. Its just, trivial events. Nothing profound, no lucidity or anything, so I pass by and continue life. Return when my stress has been allieviated.

Originally Posted by PharoahSunrise

No recent efforts been made to remember.

Nothing seems important when I wake up. Its just, trivial events. Nothing profound, no lucidity or anything, so I pass by and continue life. Return when my stress has been allieviated.

I'm starting to get that feeling as well. My dreams are starting seem boring, and I'm putting less effort into recall.

This last dream was quite profound, in a very personal sense. Involved a school with many classmates of mine. Started off with Penn Jillett.

Good one.

Dreamt a week or two ago, heads laughing maniacally and me making them come out. I understand it well enough. Became lucid towards the end, told Cory "Hey, I'm dreaming, so I'll talk to you later." Reply: "I understand." with a smile.

Almost immediate false awakening, woke up again to sleep paralysis, did all I could to keep my eyes closed and try to block out the terrifying shrills of those nightmarish witches. Hate sleep paralysis, terrible way to start the day.

Last night, on our way to hippy fest in the albertsons parking lot, high out of my mind and reluctant to going to another drugged-out bum fair, but Sky needs a bassist so I'll go just to perform. At least, I say that; I have a feeling I'll end up taking some drugs.

Luckily, Cory gets in the car and we head to the Vet. Some kind of emotional meeting with his family and his dog. Some tour through it, looking at all these beautiful little animals. Guy tells me something about democrats and indepedents, how the manager used to lasso them with a rope, but things have changed with this new administration. What the fuck; I wake up, and I'm an hour late for school.

Melatonin and B6 do wonders, but my dreams are so fucking twisted as of late, and I've no time to practice lucidity.

Can someone please help me.

Daily for the past week, and sporadically beforehand, I keep experiencing sleep paralysis, but I am still entirely asleep. I know I am, too, I'm somewhat lucid and keep telling myself to wake up.

Even the most beautiful of my dreams lately have had nightmarish qualities, often slipping from interesting and adventerous to purely terrifying, even in the best of naturescapes. My lucidity wavers, but while I lose control I have full awareness that I'm in a dream, but I can't do a damn thing about any of the terrible things happening and I simply just start telling myself to wake up. But I never do, unless an alarm or a phone goes off.

I think I'm losing my mind. Does anyone have an idea of what exactly is happening to me? It usually happens when I nap. Any hint as to what needs resolution?

stop napping?