ATM Instructions - Male vs Female

**Clairity** · 09-27-2007 12:10 PM

I'm posting this for the guys who need a laugh and for the ladies who can handle it! (It's ALL in good fun)!!

A new sign in the Bank lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

**GestaltAlteration** · 09-27-2007 12:17 PM

I laugh.

**Oneironaut Zero** · 09-27-2007 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by Clairity

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

LMFAO. Awesome.

**ThePhobiaViewed** · 09-27-2007 02:13 PM

HAHA so true!

That sounds exactly like alot of girls I know.

**Burns** · 09-27-2007 09:38 PM

It's sad to admit but a lot of women are like this

I'm the irate driver in line behind them

**Idec Sdawkminn** · 09-27-2007 09:47 PM

Geez, I bet that's true, too. Whenever I'm with someone and they have to wait for me to go to the ATM, they usually make sure I got the money out that I went there for. I assure them that I did, and they say something like, "Wow, that was fast, then." I usually press each button before I have a chance to read what the screen says because I know which button it's going to be. I never get a receipt.

**♥Mark** · 09-27-2007 09:48 PM

I'm offended. What is this, some kind of chauvinistic commentary? Don't try to push your misogynistic agendas here.

**Clairity** · 09-27-2007 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by Mark75

I'm offended. What is this, some kind of chauvinistic commentary? Don't try to push your misogynistic agendas here.

**Identity X** · 09-28-2007 04:11 AM

Originally Posted by Clairity

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.

This is of course impossible. Have you not used an ATM before?

**Idec Sdawkminn** · 09-28-2007 04:34 AM

What are you talking about? Some ATMs make you insert the card halfway and then take it out right away, some make you swipe it, and some (like the one I use all the time) take it in all the way and then it spits it out once you have your cash and you hit the button to say you are done.

**Kromoh** · 09-28-2007 06:30 AM

LOL now this is the funniest xD

**Man of Shred** · 09-28-2007 11:15 AM

It's a known fact that some women are like this. When i go grocery shopping i always go through the aisle where middle aged guys are shopping. Why? because they already have their wallets out and cash ready.

Women take forever because when they get asked for payment they go "uhh let me find my cash" dig through their purse, make small talk etc.... It takes Forever.

I'm not trying to offend anyone but this is my experience.

**AlternateReality** · 09-28-2007 11:38 AM

lol, my mom always complained that she couldn't reach it through the window.

**Identity X** · 09-28-2007 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by Me

Originally Posted by Clairity

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.

This is of course impossible. Have you not used an ATM before?

Originally Posted by Idec Sdawkminn

What are you talking about? Some ATMs make you insert the card halfway and then take it out right away, some make you swipe it, and some (like the one I use all the time) take it in all the way and then it spits it out once you have your cash and you hit the button to say you are done.

Well,

In the first case, the machine will check that you have withdrawn the card.
In the second case, you cannot "retrieve" the card after the cash because you have no where to "retrieve" it from.
I do not believe the third case, but I'll take your word for it. This allows you to grab the cash and forget to take the card out; this was a design flaw in the original ATM and quickly fixed. All ATMs I have used in the UK force you to remove you card before you get the cash. Any ATM that does not do this is designed by a feckin' retard.

**Oneironaut Zero** · 09-28-2007 02:18 PM

A lot of the ATM's here in the states are like that. You put your card in, and it holds it until you are are done with your transaction. Then, it spits our your card and goes "beep beep beep beep" so you don't forget to remove your card.

**Clairity** · 09-28-2007 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by Identity X

I do not believe the third case, but I'll take your word for it. This allows you to grab the cash and forget to take the card out; this was a design flaw in the original ATM and quickly fixed. All ATMs I have used in the UK force you to remove you card before you get the cash. Any ATM that does not do this is designed by a feckin' retard.

Possibly.. but they still have such ATMs here in the U.S.

**Umbrasquall** · 09-28-2007 02:40 PM

Yep. All of the ATMs I've used just give you your money. Pretty easy to forget your card if you're not paying attention. They're like that in Hong Kong too.

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

**GestaltAlteration** · 09-28-2007 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Squall

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

Are you serious?!

**Umbrasquall** · 09-28-2007 02:48 PM

lol no >.<

**GestaltAlteration** · 09-28-2007 02:51 PM

**Kromoh** · 09-28-2007 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by Squall

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

you're a professional xDDDD

**Oneironaut Zero** · 09-28-2007 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by Squall

And in Japan if you forget your card, the ATM releases a little robot dog which delivers your card to your house.

Lmao.

**Mes Tarrant** · 09-28-2007 04:09 PM

Are you telling me that the not-being-able-to-reach-machine thing is a female characteristic??

*is guilty of such things*

Well it's cuz they put the machines like way at a weird angle or something.. I tell ya..

**dodobird** · 09-28-2007 05:59 PM

ha ha, I do all the stuff in the female list except the makeup.

**Kromoh** · 09-28-2007 06:06 PM

then why nto start with the makeup

you'll beat mark75 that way

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