Thread: Have you ever faced death?

Yes, everything can change in an instant. I'm glad you survived without any injuries

I as a first responder am trained to handle medical emergencies. Luckily, so far, I have not been called on to handle anything more serious than a bad scalp wound, but I know, one of these days, when I get the call: "Dave, grab your bag and get to..." that I will be facing a life and death situation. Hopefully, it will all turn out well.

My father was a cop for fifteen years, and he’s told me some wild stories about accidents and such, and how he’s either avoided them or had to make a similar choice as what you just described. He taught me how to drive and I used to be worried that I would forget it all should I get into danger. He kept telling me that, when faced with a dangerous situation, one always reverts back to their training. He was right. I can think of two occasions when that happened (both during horrible Maine winters), and during both I was totally calm and unemotional. Of course, I cried like a baby when I finally stopped the car. But the point is, the body takes over at that point while our brains shut down momentarily. Does that make sense? That might explain why you didn’t get emotional right away. I think it’s a very good thing, and I’m glad that you’re ok! It could have been so much worse and I’m so happy it wasn’t.

As far as being near death, there was a time last year when I got really sick. Some of the people here at DV might remember that. It got so bad that I couldn’t even drink water; I just kept throwing it up. Finally my dad took me to the hospital and the doctors immediately tossed me in a bed and put me on IVs. I don’t remember a whole lot of that night, honestly. I remember lots of strange dreams, and flitting in and out of sleep (I remember being really, really tired). I remember seeing my father’s face smiling at me but his eyes were full of worry and teary. That was weird because I’d never seen him like that before. He stayed right next to me the whole time. When I was awake, he would talk to me and we would joke around and stuff. Every time I even twitched, he was up and getting a doctor.

Anyway, the next morning when I could eat a popsicle and keep it down (it was grape, lol), a doctor finally told me that had I not come to the hospital when I did, I would be dead. I hadn’t realized that I was close to death. I mean, as far as I knew I was just really sick. But it kinda makes sense now that I think about it. My poor dad had more gray in his beard when we left the hospital than he had when we’d gone in!

Dave, I didn't know you were a FR. So is my brother. ^_^ I hope that neither of you get that call, but if you do I'm confident that things will be ok and you'll both do fine.

I tripped and fell while crossing the road and heard tires screech. When I lifted my head up I hit underneath the bumper with my head. that was close. I was in a car crash that they didnt expect me to survive. I've got scars on my wrists that barely remember doing. I overdosed on pills more than once and was expected to die. I've had a shotgun put to my face and threatened.... There are others but I feel that is enough.

Originally posted by frozen_joth
I tripped and fell while crossing the road and heard tires screech. When I lifted my head up I hit underneath the bumper with my head. that was close. I was in a car crash that they didnt expect me to survive. I've got scars on my wrists that barely remember doing. I overdosed on pills more than once and was expected to die. I've had a shotgun put to my face and threatened.... There are others but I feel that is enough.

Wow.. I don't even know how to respond to all that. I guess I'll just say that I'm so glad you're here!

Lost Soul.. thankfully you're alright! Was it pneumonia? As a parent, I can really relate to your dad.. there's no more helpless feeling than your child being ill and all you can do is "be there".

Seeker.. it doesn't surprise me that you're a first responder (maybe because of the gentle tone of your posts). :-)

Yeah, Lost Soul...what was wrong with ya?

every morning i face death... his name is greg... he is my roommate.

I was in a car accident a little over two years ago with a couple of friends of mine. We we're skipping the last half of school going thrift store shopping and such in a near by town about 17 miles away. When we were on the way back I was in the back seat sitting halfway behind the passengers seat and half in the middle without a seatbelt on. I was looking at something in the back seat not paying attention and my friend that was driving was looking at the passengers hands (she was showing off her new fingernails) also not paying attention. When he finally looked up he just says, "Oh Shit!" which got my attention and made me look. There was a big white ford pickup stopped dead in the road 20 feet in front of us. We were going around 75 and the squeel of the brakes hardly slowed us down in such a short distance. I can remember seeing the bumber come through the windshield but I'm not sure why, because I flew from the backseat into the front on the moment of collision. I crushed the passenger's seat (and the passenger ) into the windshield and my head struck above the windshield breaking off the rear view mirror. I also broke the shifter with my knee. I think I must have bounced because I ended up back in the backseat after the car stopped moving (which was less than a second, 75-0 ) then after I regained conciousness I noticed the passenger's seat crushed... but I couldn't see the passenger. I tried to pull the seat back but it was jammed solid to the front so I ended up breaking the whole back of it off. I climbed out my window then helped her out of hers and the driver was already there helping out too. We all walked away... the most severe wound was a few cuts from the windshield that she got when she was jammed inbetween me, the chair, and the bumper of the truck in front of us. It's amazing that we didn't get hurt... let alone survived! I always wear my seatbelt now! One of the funniest things about it though is that that very night was the first production of our play. Make-up can cover bruises!

Frozen_Joth, sounds like you've had a pretty eventful existence up until now. Be careful!
I've never been that sick before LS, and I hope to never be. My dad told me a story about when he was 3. He had Rocky Mountain Tick Fever and wasn't expected to live. He says the scariest part about it was lying in bed not being able to move because he was so sick. He said it was like being paralyzed, and it was for around 2 weeks. He also says he remembers hallucinating a lot, and some of the hallucinations were fu%^ing scary!

Yeah I have a few times too.

First time I just posted briefly about a few days ago. I fell from a building 2.5 stories high, cracked my head open on a phone box then hit the concrete. I woke up in the ambulance with neck brace on and being strapped down to the thing they had me on. I thought I had quantum leaped, lol, as I could not remember anything. I went unconscious again then woke up while they were stitching up my head, then passed out again and woke up hours later. Body was totally bruised black but not a bone broken. The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive.

There have been a couple of others but only one absolutely serious one that is very personal and has shaped the last six years of my life. I now realize how important everyday is because at any stage it could be taken away. It’s funny with experiences like that you don't really see them coming and they change absolutely everything. I look at it in the way that I had been sitting in a dark negative place for years and the universe threw me the curve ball showing me death, (well as close as I could get with out dying) and that just woke me up to what I had to live for and now that only grows with each day that passes.

Peace Sensi.

wow these storys are amazing. Ive had meningitis an lived that was the worst pain an sickness ive had. Ive crashed a motobike at 100km an ragdole'd for nearly 50m an only had a bruse on my side. I was a passenger on a motocycle as we crashed off the road into a ditch, again walking away with no injury.

I was at work helping stack grain my workmate was on the forlift an I was directing 1tone when it fell against me pinning me to the wall I was totaly stuck an the thought that I couldnt breath an that id either passout or die crossed my mind. An the forklift driver couldnt see me. But another workmate saw an was able to sign to the driver to lift it. I was climbing a grain silo about 9 stories high an I sliped on the ladder fell 2 hand grips an caught my hand on one of the grips in the ladder an continued on my way.

There are many more but I cant think off them right now. Peace out to everyone thats still here an not here.

Holy shit, guys... Wow... Just wow...

My dad and I asked the doctors what was so wrong with me that I almost died (like I said, all I knew was that I was sick and throwing everything up and they didn't tell me I had come so close until just before I was released) but they couldn't give either of us an answer. They said they just didn't know what was wrong with me and all they could do was keep sticking IVs in me and waiting.

It makes me wonder sometimes, though... If I had known I was that close to death, would I have given up? Back then, I may have. Now, though, there's no fucking way I'm going anywhere. I can empathize with Joth because there was a time in the not-so-distant past that I really tried to die. From about when I was about eight years old up until recent years I'd tried many methods on many occasions. I've jumped off bridges, buildings, cut myself, taken pills, drank various liquids that I found under the kitchen sink, etc, etc... But I kept waking up. For some bizarre reason, I'm still here even after all those attempts. Obviously I've still got something important to do. I'm hoping it's something cool, like ruling the world or declaring a world holiday dedicated to chocolate chip muffins.

But we'll see I guess.

Originally posted by A Lost Soul
For some bizarre reason, I'm still here even after all those attempts.

For some bizarre reason we're all still here.. so many others have been killed or died from so much less.

Thanks to everyone who shared (or will share).

When I read your posts, they drive home how close we all came and how blessed we are to still be here for our families and for our friends!

{{ GROUP HUG }} :-)

well half of my near death incidents were done purposly. I came close to dieing plenty of times in my past. I've been in the hospital numerous times. I've been in the "crazy House" a few times to. This past year has changed my look on certain things. Although I still believe I am better off gone I don't push myself to the dead anymore. I am glad to be alive and breathing but really, I always wish I was in a better place. Although I do not walk down my old paths, if I had the oppurtunity to embrace death, I would. I wouldn't let it pass me by.That's one reason I try not to get to close to people. But since I'm still here and around I believe I must put here for a purpose I haven't fullfilled yet. I've done so many wrong things... . I do not wish I was dead, Just wish I was in a better place. Well Damn, nevermind. I'm all off subject and I'm probaly not makeing any sense. My views on things are complicated. Be thankful you are alive...

Joth - You make sense to me as what you have described i can empathize with as i have been in a place that sounds similar. I've tried suicide too. It plagued me for 10 years pretty much; I wanted to die more than i wanted anything else. After spending 3 weeks in hospital and almost disappearing it made me want to live although that was just the beginning of the battle. After spending that time in hospital I knew I wanted to live and I no longer invited death or darkness into my life. Sure i have scars emotionally and spiritually but they have enabled me to penetrate this world with a different perspective. Without having the deepest sorrow how could i ever know the highest love?

I'm glad you and A Lost Soul still feel you are here for a purpose because i feel the same. I have lost people and it’s a hard one to accept.

I don't know how it all happened for me but it dawned on me yesterday that i have changed deeply and I’m getting to a place where things are more than i could have ever imagined. I hope you too find a place that fits you so you no longer have to wish..... you will have arrived.....

In the mean time keep on writing dude, you have a great talent.

Wow talk about rambling......

Bmx-life - The motorbike accidents, you so lucky dude that is amazing. To walk away unscathed from something like that is almost unheard of.......well not here on DV, hahaha.

So glad we are all still alive and kicking.....

Peace Sensi.

Sensi - All I can say is thanks Thanks.

I have recently found myself with no recognizable purpose, nothing to motivate me to keep myself alive. The thought of suicide did cross my mind several time (even today), but I have always sworn to myself that I would not end that way, that no matter what I was here to do I would make sure that it is an acomplishment bigger than that. Besides, I am sure that no matter how lost or purposeless I feel at times, it is just because I am limiting my point of view so that I can focus on that state of mind, rather than trying to achieve a bird's eye of the situation. I am living through some of the most dark moments I have ever gone through and no matter what I try and just can't seem to find a way out of the spot I placed myself in...not without blantantly ignoring or going against the beliefs that I hold dear and cherish with my life. I feel more trapped now than ever before and I am not very sure I am gonna find a way out...nonetheless I know that I must continue to look for one, or find a way to somehow accept a hypocritical way to live...to forget what I have spent my life trying to discover.

But it's ok...there are as many distractions as there are truths in this world and for now I am doing what I can to feed of them as long as I can, till I find a way to deal with them as best as I can...

Truthbearer and all, please realize that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

I know I don't know what's going on in your life or how bad things may be but if you just hang on.. things will get better.

My first husband was physically abusive to the point that one evening I felt I couldn't take it anymore, I held out a butcher knife and told him to "just kill me.. to please just end it.."

When I was holding our baby son and he hit him to reach me I knew I had to get out. I took the clips from his guns and went to my parents house. He had closed me off from my family and friends and no one knew how bad it was until I left... I was too ashamed/embarressed to let them know that I would allow anyone to treat me this way.

To make a very long story short, I ended up leaving my family/friends and moving across the country with my son, our clothes, a tv and a couple of beanbags (it was all I could fit into the car). We had nothing but I never felt more free..

I rarely share this part of my life as it's painful but I share it with all of you to let you know that life does get better.. please believe that it does.

You are all so young.. you're breaking my heart.. please grow old...

Clairity - that is a very personal story and thank you for sharing it. I'm glad you had the courage to leave; it is not you that should have ever felt ashamed or embarrassed.

I am not too young i'm 29, still very young tho I know. Everything I have talked about did happen a long time ago in the scheme of my life time. I just had a rough start to life really and I will share a small part with you. My mother left me and dad when I was 14. My dad got terminal cancer and I cared for him alone until he died when I was 16. Then I was essentially alone to face the world. Things just got darker because I had been broken. I then had to hit my rock bottom before I choose to make changes just like your situation. It got to breaking point so then I changed. It’s a shame that sometimes people need to push it or be pushed into the flames before they want to grow in positive ways.

Yeah taking your own life is not something I would ever want for myself now. For sure it still crosses my mind when things get heavy but it’s not an option to me now. I have built too much to ever want to loose what I have and do not want to leave this world in that way. Hell I don't want to leave this world in general, life is such a gift and I love being alive. I want to be an old grandma sitting on a rocking chair looking at a sun set when I’m 80 odd.....

Truthbearer - "I am living through some of the most dark moments I have ever gone through and no matter what I try and just can't seem to find a way out of the spot I placed myself in...not without blantantly ignoring or going against the beliefs that I hold dear and cherish with my life. I feel more trapped now than ever before and I am not very sure I am gonna find a way out...nonetheless I know that I must continue to look for one, or find a way to somehow accept a hypocritical way to live...to forget what I have spent my life trying to discover. " - please do not compromise the things that you hold dear and cherish, you have a great mind and I’m sure you will find what is you seek. I'm sure I’ve actually said that to you before as that is what I do feel.

Peace Sensi. X

Sensi, we're living proof that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

You're a very strong woman and I'm so grateful that you shared a piece of your past with me.

Take care!

Thank you Clairity. Its funny to hear myself being referred to as a women, i was just having a chat with someone the other day saying i still feel like a girl not quite a women yet, hahaha.

You take care too.

Peace Sensi.

I hate the fact that I make so much drama out of what I am going through when I know that other people had it, or are having, truly awful and what I am going through really doesn't even begin to compare to how devastating or damaging it is for them. Yet they persist, and they move on and live to tell the stories, as you two are proof of. What I am going through I brought on myself, and I am the one that keeps feeding it and won't let it go. But I feel that at the moment I just can't move on from it without leaving everything I am behind in the process, and this is not something I am willing to give up.

Both your stories really moved me, and they once again helped me view the forrest for the trees. I know that I have it pretty good really, and I shouldn't have anything to complain about (at a superficial glance at my life). Nonetheless, as a human, I must find a way to amplify the whole thing so that I can live my life through the purpose of suffering, for lack of a better one. I have been mulling over all of this for the past few days, and I am beggining to determine some changes that I want to apply to my life, in hopes that once again I can feel alive and not just living out of momentum...

thanks for sharing your stories girls, they really did touch me and inspire me to look at things a little differently. you are both very brave and I respect you so very much for going through all that and living to tell the story, to motivate others to do the same...

*hugs everyone* I'm glad this thread was created. It sounds weird, but I kind of feel a little stronger just reading everyone's experiences. I'm so glad everyone is here to share them.

I know this might not count, but a few years back, I have a tumour, down there, for months I kept it to myself, I knew it was a stupid thing to do but I did. I decided that seeing as it was going to kill me (or so I thought) I wound make amends for anything I had done wrong in my life, I fixed broken relationships, I went on journeys of spiritual discovery, until one day, I broke down and went to see a doctor. It turned out it wasn't cancer, so I still have 2, but still, it showed me the value of life, somthing I think about a lot now. It's good to scare yourself like that I guess, in a way.

Truthbearer - Thank you so much for your words. Dude I think it is all relative. I do not live your life or in your mind. I do not know what it is your soul has to bear. I do not think you can compare suffering as each person given the same experiences would handle it differently. I did have some things happen to me at a young age that were out of my control but I then choose to live the next 10 years of my life in such self destructive way. I got into drugs hard out and never tried to face myself or my emotions, I ran from myself in anyway I could find. So I brought a lot of suffering towards myself too. I could have taken an easier route at any stage but I choose not too. Do I regret this, well honestly no I do not. I do like who i am and that includeds my past. I can say that truthfully now as I have changed most of my self destructive cycles and are breaking down the last few ones that still remain. If I had not changed then I think that would be a loss, but I learnt and made the changes I needed too. I think what you said about wanting to feel alive is a real key. Its easy to be alive but too FEEL alive is a whole different thing....this is when you take nothing for granted and you truly appreciate everything you have been given by the universe. Both the good and the bad, because in my opinion even the deepest trauma has brought about the greatest change. I hope that makes sense?

Peace Sensi.

Truthbearer, I'm glad my story meant something to you.. as you mean something to all of us!

Alex D, yes your story counts! Thanks for sharing it!

Originally posted by sensi
Do I regret this, well honestly no I do not. I do like who i am and that includeds my past. I can say that truthfully now as I have changed most of my self destructive cycles and are breaking down the last few ones that still remain. If I had not changed then I think that would be a loss, but I learnt and made the changes I needed too. I think what you said about wanting to feel alive is a real key. Its easy to be alive but too FEEL alive is a whole different thing....this is when you take nothing for granted and you truly appreciate everything you have been given by the universe. Both the good and the bad, because in my opinion even the deepest trauma has brought about the greatest change. I hope that makes sense?

Sensi what you say makes perfect sense. If you ask me if I regret marrying my first husband, I would have to say no. That marriage gave me my loving, gentle, intelligent son and he is worth any pain I had to endure. :-)