Thread: Have you met the evil strawberry?

I tried this once with a pastrami sandwich. It was a terrible sandwich, so I threw it out the window. At least.. I tried. The window was only down halfway, so the sandwich just stuck to the glass. My friend laughed so hard I thought he was going to throw up in my car.

I also had a fat roommate who would always eat my food. I was making a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich one night. The guy kept breathing down my neck watching. I just knew he was going to try to ask for a bite when I finished. All my hard work and my hard won peanut butter. As soon as I slapped that bread closed, I threw it against the wall. Again, my aim sucks so it hit the glass panel on our back door and went right through.
Cheap glass or strong sandwich?
We had to take the door off its hinges and ditch it in the middle of the street median so our landlord wouldn't find out.... How does that plan make sense, right?

Moral: I can see the appeal in your diet.

Originally Posted by Robot_Butler

I tried this once with a pastrami sandwich. It was a terrible sandwich, so I threw it out the window. At least.. I tried. The window was only down halfway, so the sandwich just stuck to the glass. My friend laughed so hard I thought he was going to throw up in my car.

I also had a fat roommate who would always eat my food. I was making a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich one night. The guy kept breathing down my neck watching. I just knew he was going to try to ask for a bite when I finished. All my hard work and my hard won peanut butter. As soon as I slapped that bread closed, I threw it against the wall. Again, my aim sucks so it hit the glass panel on our back door and went right through.
Cheap glass or strong sandwich?
We had to take the door off its hinges and ditch it in the middle of the street median so our landlord wouldn't find out.... How does that plan make sense, right?

Moral: I can see the appeal in your diet.

LOL...Both stories, hilarious.

Ever been forced to eat green bean casserole? You know the stuff; it's about 90% mayonnaise and 10% thick, gooey green stuff that oozes and gloops onto your plate. The smell is horrendous, halfway between cooked shoe tongues and melted toilet brushes. If you try to taste it before swallowing, it attempts to smother your taste buds with its putridity and trigger your gag reflex with oozing tendrils, so you're better off just swallowing as fast as you can. Of course, it usually catches itself about halfway down your esophagus, digs in, and starts to climb back out. The only way to keep it from crawling its miserable way to the surface is to chase it immediately with some sort of highly acidic liquid, preferably not anything you ever want to drink again as its taste will forever be associated with green bean casserole from then on.

I want to murder that stuff. Ruthlessly and brutally, with great and vigorous malice. I'm thinking take it to the zoo and throw it at a lion (after taking precautionary measures to ensure that the lion is well sedated, otherwise the beast would surely take its revenge on you for such a crime), or tie the dish up in a burlap sack with a few good-sized rocks and drop it into the Mariana Trench. Or maybe take a flamethrower to it and end its miserable and heartless existence with fiery exultation. Possibly all of the above, though not necessarily in that order.

Would you help me end the reign of this monstrous dish, and relieve Thanksgiving and family dinners across the country of its hateful and heavy-handed stench?

Your thread made me laugh. As much as I want to poke you in the head for littering, I still chuckled. I needed the laugh. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

Ever been forced to eat green bean casserole? You know the stuff; it's about 90% mayonnaise

Ewww. I've never made green bean casserole with mayo. You need to come over to my place and have it. My green bean casserole rocks!

Originally Posted by Misbijoux

Your thread made me laugh. As much as I want to poke you in the head for littering, I still chuckled. I needed the laugh. Thanks.


Ewww. I've never made green bean casserole with mayo. You need to come over to my place and have it. My green bean casserole rocks!

No thanks. The green bean gloop is nearly as bad.

Thanks anyway.

Oh, and something I forgot to mention earlier: you ain't kidding, sane is boring! I was laughing as soon as I read the topic title, by the way, and never stopped.

Who knew you could derive so much sadistic pleasure from something so simple and random?

I threw a CD drive out the window of a bus before, it bounced on the pavement and then knocked the bumper off of a white range rover.

Nina, you throw it all out the window? Wrappers/bags and everything? If not, then the animals can eat the food and everyone's happy. If so, then as much as I love you, I'd have to call you a litterbug

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

Ever been forced to eat green bean casserole? You know the stuff; it's about 90% mayonnaise and 10% thick, gooey green stuff that oozes and gloops onto your plate.

Dude, who makes your GBC? That is NOT how you make it! GBC is incredibly awesome - especially mine. And no where in the recipe does it include mayonnaise.

Originally Posted by Misbijoux

Ewww. I've never made green bean casserole with mayo. You need to come over to my place and have it. My green bean casserole rocks!

See, MOS?? Whoever makes your GBC needs some lessons from Misbijoux and myself. I promise, you will be converted

especially mine. And no where in the recipe does it include mayonnaise.

LOL, exactly! He needs to taste some GOOD green bean casserole. Bless his heart. Maybe, next Thanksgiving, we'll send him some.

Hmm, okay, if you send it, I'll try it. I never did understand the attraction of mayonnaise...

My mother got her recipe from a friend, and loves it. It, however, hates me. It just sits there on my plate, glaring at me, telepathically whispering death threats. Every now and then it quivers, of its own accord, like a portent of what it will do once I ingest it.

If y'alls' doesn't do that, then I'll give it a try.

Once I actually scooped a ton of rotten vegtables out of a dumpster, put them into a blender until it was an orange peach-chunks consistency and pretended to hurl on my friends cement lot, and he filmed it, and when he showed it to his brother, he almost puked.

Ah, youth...

Originally Posted by Vance

Once I actually scooped a ton of rotten vegtables out of a dumpster, put them into a blender until it was an orange peach-chunks consistency and pretended to hurl on my friends cement lot, and he filmed it, and when he showed it to his brother, he almost puked.

Ah, youth...

I once threw a chicken nugget out the car at someon walking on the road.

Me and my friends were being idiots, and we had Mcdonalds. Anyways, I saw some guy walking, must have been like.. 20 years old. So I dip the nugget in some of that honey mustard sauce, take aim and as we drive past him, I yell "AHOY! MCNUGGETS MATEY!" and dome him with the Chicken McNugget. No joke, straight head shot, Honey mustard and all.

The dude was just stunned as we drove past him, and my friend almost crashed the car he was laughing so hard.

Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

I once threw a chicken nugget out the car at someon walking on the road.

Me and my friends were being idiots, and we had Mcdonalds. Anyways, I saw some guy walking, must have been like.. 20 years old. So I dip the nugget in some of that honey mustard sauce, take aim and as we drive past him, I yell "AHOY! MCNUGGETS MATEY!" and dome him with the Chicken McNugget. No joke, straight head shot, Honey mustard and all.

The dude was just stunned as we drove past him, and my friend almost crashed the car he was laughing so hard.

wow...you're an asshole

Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

I once threw a chicken nugget out the car at someon walking on the road.

Me and my friends were being idiots, and we had Mcdonalds. Anyways, I saw some guy walking, must have been like.. 20 years old. So I dip the nugget in some of that honey mustard sauce, take aim and as we drive past him, I yell "AHOY! MCNUGGETS MATEY!" and dome him with the Chicken McNugget.

Sounds like a scene from The Weatherman with Nicholas Cage. I highly recommend the movie, but highly discourage this sort of behavior.

There's nothing funny in anti-social behaviour.

Unless it's done with irony. I don't think you threw a McNugget at a stranger ironically.

unless the stranger was a clown named Ronald

Wow. I love this tread. Aquanina, you truly are insane in some way, and for that I comend you. Sane is boring, so dull and long and blah blah blick bloo blean. I beleive Edgar A. Poe once said, "I became insane with horrible moments of sanity.

But about chucking food out of the window, you description leaves me wondering which of us is more gifted with the greatness of insanity. I bow to your gift.

The closest I have come to this is that every lunch me and my freind will steal an apple from our other freind and then take turns chucking it at yet another freind.

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

I never did understand the attraction of mayonnaise...

That icky stuff is my Kryptonite. I hate it with a fiery passion +1.

And I think green bean casserole is made with cream of some sort of crap soup. Probably cream of mushroom. And I despise all "creams of" with equal dislike.

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

That icky stuff is my Kryptonite. I hate it with a fiery passion +1.

And I think green bean casserole is made with cream of some sort of crap soup. Probably cream of mushroom. And I despise all "creams of" with equal dislike.

You are absolutely right. Cream of Mushroom or Cream of Chicken soup is what further contributes to that 'gloop'. Now, I don't mind it in other stuff, but in green bean casserole...

Bah, I never was much for vegetables anyway.

Originally Posted by Aquanina

I never said I wasn't crazy. In fact, I think sane is quite boring. So with that in mind...

I've recently discovered the joy of chucking food out my car window. Who knew you could derive so much sadistic pleasure from something so simple and random? I'm telling you, it's much more satisfying to launch the shit out of a moving vehicle than eat it. Yes, I realize it's being wasteful. And maybe I'm no better than someone who eats their food and throws it up...in fact...maybe I'm worse because I'm actually littering. But it's satisfaction without having to eat a single bite. That's why it's so fantastic.

The sheer delight in ordering something, then, feeling guilty and angry at yourself for knowing that you shouldn't be eating it...and then...chucking it out your window and watching in your rear view mirror as it gets destroyed by the pavement is utterly amazing. Yes, that's right. You get to take revenge...on your food. Some might ask, Christ, what did the food ever do to you? I'd slap them and tell them to shut the hell up, because you know they deserve it.

It's great enjoying the thought that you are going to eat it, and then devising secret plans to ambush and attack it once you get it. And trust me...you will never, ever feel sorry for your food.

Waste of money? No...not really. It's the same as if you had been eating it, except you're sparing yourself the self loathing and extra baggage. Plus when you spend money on food...you actually trick your mind, and stomach into thinking that you ate it. Hunger really is all in your head.

And the best part...for a blissful few moments...just after you launch the food out of your window, you get to take pleasure in watching it in your rear view mirror...bouncing along behind you. And in that moment, it *actually* looks like it's running after you. And you can laugh maniacally as you speed away and watch it shrink from view...finally giving up...food for birds.

Just...you know...maybe be a little more cautious. Don't leave half eaten plates of food around when you sleep. Cause food can be a vengeful, evil little bastard. And you never know what it's capable of...

Have you considered therapy?

If the plan is to lose weight (which I'm working on myself, presently--just compare last summer to recently in the pics thread), adding pleasureable physical activity works way better than declaring war on your lunch. Step one: get out of the car whenever possible. During the extra time getting places on foot, by cycle, and/or on public transportation, not only are you getting more fit, but you can't eat (except the bus/train bits of a jaunt, maybe). This time of year is great to cycle out to some good nature spots and see what's happening.

If you spend enough time on physical activity, you'll find the problem will be getting enough food, not stopping yourself from eating. Also, and you've probably heard this, periods of starvation cause your body to store any food it gets as fat. The less frequently you eat, the more fat you make.

Originally Posted by Dreamworld

Have you considered therapy?

Don't do it! This is exactly the kind of response these sort thrive off of.

I'm glad we're all decidedly insane. Welcome to the madhouse.

I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes:

“I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.”

“The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.”

“For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity.”

“Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.”

“Insanity is the only sane reaction to an insane society.”

“One man's insanity is another man's genius; someday the world will recognize the genius in my insanity.”

Originally Posted by Mark75

Don't do it! This is exactly the kind of response these sort thrive off of.

What do you mean?

Originally Posted by Dreamworld

What do you mean?

Just look at the quotes. It's the "Look at me, everyone, I'm crazy!" sort I speak of. We're supposed to look at how obscure and rebellious they are and think it whimsical and unique when really they're just wasting food and making a mess.