random simpsons' quote thread

[chief81]

"oh lisa, you and your stories; 'bart is a vampire', 'beer kills brain cells'.
now let's go back to that... building... thingy... where our beds and tv... is."
-homer simpson

[lurker]

Originally posted by chief81
\"oh lisa, you and your stories; 'bart is a vampire', 'beer kills brain cells'.
now let's go back to that... building... thingy... where our beds and tv... is.\"
-homer simpson

"pure west"

[Life]

me fail english? that's unpossible

[chief81]

Ralph: [points at rock] that's where i saw the leprechaun.

Bart: riiiiight! a leprechaun....

Ralph: he told me to burn things!

Bart: uh huh...

[Scwigglie]

"Jesus works well too. He's like 6 leprechauns!"

"Yeah, but really hard to catch. Go with the leprechaun."

[nightowl]

Homer: I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T...I mean S-M-A-R-T.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Homer: Okay, I'm never going to win Father Of The Year. In fact, I'm probably the last guy in the world to have kids... wait, let me rephrase that. I love my kids. I'd do anything for Bart and Lisa.
Judge: And Margaret?
Homer: Who? Lady, you must have the wrong file.
Marge: She's talking about Maggie.
Homer: Oh, Maggie. I've got nothing against Maggie.

Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'

[chief81]

(nelson, jimbo and kearny are gathered behind the schoolyard bleachers from which marting is suspended upside down)

NELSON: [throws tomato at martin] why are you throwing tomatoes at yourself, huh? [throws another tomato] why are you throwing tomatoes at yourself?

MARTIN: your very question is faulty.

NELSON: you're faulty! [throws another tomato]

[lurker]

Originally posted by nightowl

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. *

"don't ea-ea-ea-eat me lisa"

"it's a little airborn... it's still good, it's still good!"

"you look like you can use a hot beef injection!" ;p hahhahaha

[lurker]

who remember the episode w/santa's little helper had a twisted stomach, and kent brokman won the lotto? :) :) :)

during the drawing when kent brokman realized he had the winning ticket...

grandpa: "i knew you wouldn't win..."

homer: "WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET!?!?!"

homer (to bart): if you were 17 we would have been rich, but nnnooooo... you have to be 10...

[Life]

Originally posted by lurker
who remember the episode w/santa's little helper had a twisted stomach, and kent brokman won the lotto? *

during the drawing when kent brokman realized he had the winning ticket...

grandpa: \"i knew you wouldn't win...\"

homer: \"WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET!?!?!\"

homer (to bart): *if you were 17 we would have been rich, but nnnooooo... you have to be 10...

hahaha that part was so funny

[reverie]

Homer: If you want anything in life, you have to work for it yourself. Now be quiet, the lottery numbers are coming up.[/quote]

[chief81]

from the episode where the simposns went to england:
(upon discovering a passage to escape from the tower of london)

Homer: "whew, i'm glad i escaped before i went crazy...
bye bye sparkly elves!"

Elves: "goodbye homer!"





here's a quote that i perhaps should use as my sigline:

Duff Man: "Duff Man can never die!
Only the actors who play him!"

[Umbrasquall]

"Missionary? But I don't even believe in Jebus!"

"Look at all that pink and purple... our country is so gay..."

[Death-Wuad]

"I think I'll order a tab.... No time for that now, the computer's starting!" -Homer

"Extended warranty, how can I go wrong?!" -Homer

Rich Guy- "Hey you, the greasy bald fat man!"
Homer- "*Gasp* You know everything about me!"

"I heard that guy's ass has his own congress" -Jimbo

"There is no emoticon, for what I'm feeling!" -Computer guy

[loose id]

Bart: So I says to Mable, I says...

Bart: Uh dad. Mom's in the way.
Homer: Push her down son.

[KalmaH]

Originally posted by reverie
Homer: If you want anything in life, you have to work for it yourself. Now be quiet, the lottery numbers are coming up.

I think that was my sig for a while.

[Umbrasquall]

Originally posted by Death-Wuad
\"I think I'll order a tab.... No time for that now, the computer's starting!\" -Homer

"Hmm 'PLEASE HIT ANY KEY TO CONTINUE'"

Pause.

"'Any' key? Where's the 'any' key?"

[chief81]

Originally posted by Squall

\"Hmm 'PLEASE HIT ANY KEY TO CONTINUE'\"

Pause.

\"'Any' key? Where's the 'any' key?\"

from that same episode:

DR. NICK: "brush your teeth with milkshakes, and instead of chewing gum, chuw bacon."





[homer reaches for play-dough donut made by maggie]

BART: "dad, it says non-toxic."

HOMER: [licking fingers after already consuming it] well that's a plus.

[chief81]

this is one of my favourite all-time scenes from ANY episode:

(otto walks into the DMV)

PATTY: "hi, my name is patty. when you do good, i use the green pen. when you do bad, i use the red pen. any questions?"

OTTO: "yeah, one. have you always been a chick? i mean, you were born a man, right?
it's okay. you can tell me. i'm open minded."

PATTY: [drops green pen] "i won't be needing this!!!!"





another great quote from this episode:

(bart is playing the guitar at the bus stop)

NELSON: "hey simpson, what are you trying to play?"

BART: "polly-wolly doole."

NELSON: "well it sounds polly-wolly crappy! HAW HAW! BURN!"

[OpheliaBlue]

RALPH: I think I bent my Wookie...

[Joseph_Stalin]

Hey, who remembers the Planet of the Apes musical with Troy Maclure? That was just halirious!

I forgot the rest of this one, but Homer was like "Secrets and Lies! SECRETS AND LIES!"

[loose id]

Homer: Oh, and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

[MISANTHROPE666]

Bart: whadda ya mean the banks out of money?
(crowd begins yelling in anger)
Bank Teller: No no no, we don't have your money...its in Bill's house, and Fred's house-
Moe: Eh, what tha hell ya doin wit my money in ya house Bill???
(moe punches a random guy in the face)

[Joseph_Stalin]

Oh yeah, now I remember the episode with Bart and the mob. At the end they made a TV special out of it :

Gunshot: The Bart Simpson Story...


Bart: Alright skinner, tell me where the money is!
Principal Skinner: Never! *spits in Bart's face*
Bart: A wise guy, eh?
Fat Tony: Don't do it Bart!
Bart: *slaps and shoots gun at skinner*
_________________

real Bart: Cool!
Homer: When do we get the money for this thing?
Marge: The studio said they changed the story enough not to have to pay us.
Homer: *moans* (or he say's d'oh, I can't really remember)

[loose id]

"The doll is cursed."
"That's bad."
"But the doll comes with a free frogurt."
"That's good."
"But the frogurt is also cursed."
"That's bad."
"The frogurt comes with a free topping."
"That's good."
"But the topping contains Sodium Benzoate."
"..."
"That's bad."
"Can I go now?"