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(650): oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'(647): hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.(301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work(215): Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.(301): Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
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- 05-05-2009 05:40 PM #1Mountaineer Achievements:
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- Jan 2008
- Posts
- 244
- Likes
- 2
Remember that text message you shouldn't have sent last night?
They do!
This site is hilarious! Post your favorites
Here are a few of mine, so far:
(212): dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
(1-212): idk but i think it had a face(512): You surviving the open bar?
(1-512): Super asto ex polenta omaha botad(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom(212): so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle(631): My cock was attacked by outdoor plants(734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"(508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
(214): ok, stay where you are, be there soonLast edited by High Hunter; 05-06-2009 at 02:26 AM.
- 05-06-2009 03:45 AM #2Mountaineer Achievements:
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- Posts
- 244
- Likes
- 2
- 05-06-2009 04:46 AM #3!DIREKTOR! Achievements:
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
- Location
- Aquanina's closet
- Posts
- 5,188
- Likes
- 18
Oooooh dear! I have some on my phone sounding similar to these...
- 05-06-2009 08:51 AM #4The Almighty
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
- Gender
- Location
- Chester, England
- Posts
- 190
- Likes
- 0
(213): Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
(805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
(417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times
hahaConsciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Sig's are for losers
- 05-06-2009 10:50 AM #5.. / .- –– / .- .-. Achievements:
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- LD Count
- Over 9000
- Gender
- Location
- Homeward Bound
- Posts
- 1,580
- Likes
- 45
(405): I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
(1-405): Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar(860): oh good, I think they're gone
(215): the painters?
(860): my herpes(303): Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.(630): her vagine was all disorganized.(916): Hey you
(732): You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?(513): Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs(513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doorsHehe.(818): On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
- 05-06-2009 11:41 PM #6q t pi Achievements:
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
- LD Count
- 90009
- Gender
- Location
- Paraguay
- Posts
- 1,912
- Likes
- 23
- DJ Entries
- 5
Ooooh! This is like fmylife.com I have a new website to search for lulz! Thanks
if you can read this then you are about to be punched
- 05-08-2009 03:05 AM #7LD's this year: 2 Achievements:
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
- Location
- Melbourne
- Posts
- 7,123
- Likes
- 1770
- DJ Entries
- 4
(310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
(770): b/c u have herpes
(310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
(301): Define "chronic" masturbator.
(504): i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
(fuck I hate that fake shit lol)
(302): Who goes to Church hungover
(717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
(207): If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
(843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
(haha AWESOME!)
(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
(626): i need an iv and a liver transplant
(818): he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
(843): Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And LOL @ that one
Funny on two levels when you think about it.(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's momFor thousands of years, human beings had screwed up and and trashed and crapped on this planet, and now history expected me to clean up after everyone.
I have to wash out and flatten my soup cans. And account for every drop of used motor oil. And I have to foot the bill for nuclear waste and buried gasoline tanks and land filled toxic sludge dumped a generation before I was born.
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