Thread: The Self-Help Society

When used in moderation, self help merchendise can help you, but just as an overdose on medicine, these things can also hurt you. Don't be ashamed by wanting to help yourself. That isn't bad. What is bad is when you get obsessed with things like that. Ultimatly, you have the power to help yourself, but if make yourself think that these books or tapes are the only ways to make you happy, than you are misleading yourself. Think of these things as a general 'guide'. The Tony Robbins set is a good guide. He's a very inspirational person. However, he can't tell you anything aboutl helping yourself that you don't already know.

I agree with Gwen. In moderation and used as a genuine tool to point you in the right direction, those books can come in handy. Hell, I took medication for a while and I’ll be honest; it really did help. But it was just a tool to help me get back on track. I refused to be dependent on them forever so when I felt that I was ready to get rid of the training wheels (so to speak), I dropped them.

Most of those self-help pieces of crap have the right idea, but their execution is a bit off. Their intention is for you to make the effort to forgive yourself, like yourself, build your self-esteem, or whatever major crisis they’re writing about. All in all, I put very little value and even less faith on the self-help genre. I believe the creators are more than likely just out for a quick buck. Who better to prey on then the sad, hurt, and confused?

Here’s some self-help advice for you: Get over it.

I don’t say this in a cruel way. In fact, I say it with all the kindness in my being. I like you, and I’m worried about you. Your posts recently are of someone looking for answers, and that’s totally understandable. But hon, none of us here can help you beyond offering a shoulder to cry on. We can listen to you and we can give you all the advice in the world but it doesn’t mean dick if you don’t stand up and take that first difficult step by yourself. No one can do it for you.

Anyway, as for the self-help stuff? Teach it to fly. Toss it out the window. I agree with your (former?) therapist. It’s crap and it won’t help you achieve any goals except for padding the pockets of idiot writers. I can shit a better book. Here, I’ll paraphrase all the self-help nonsense into one useful sentence. And I won’t charge you a thing, except maybe a smile: Once you get the hard part over with—deciding seriously that you’re not going to dwell on the situation anymore, and actually acting on it—dealing with everything else after that is a breeze.

I agree with A Lost Soul...i've just replied to your other thread.
You have a very big decision to make, it would seem.
And when you make it, it's going to cause repercussions, for a little while. Nothing comes without a consequence. Things may actually feel worse before they feel better, but you have to ride that out.
Kinda like going cold turkey on an addiction i guess, it gets worse, then it gets better.
When you make that decision, whatever it may be, after you've made it, just take one day at a time.
Seems you've got out of the habit of 'living' for a long time, and you've been existing.
So, one day at a time is like the 'training wheels' as someone so aptly put it.
And as the days go by, it will get easier. You won't notice it at first, until maybe one morning, weeks down the line, it might take longer...you wake up. And for some reason, you just feel brighter. Your heart might be lighter.
You won't be able to say why, you'll just feel glad to be 'alive'
I know that's what happened to me...
I went through a very tough time six months ago...and i came through it, all on my own. At the time, i didn't have DV, or anyone to talk to...even my mates couldn't really understand it when i talked about it, it was like 'here's liz, going on about it again...' Acceptance of a situation was the first step, and then came a period of 'forgetting' if you like, living day to day.
And then, one morning, i woke up. And somehow i knew...things were going to be different. And they were.
On that day, i met someone...someone who is changing my life, piece by piece. Forcing me to evaluate all my old opinions of myself, but not making me feel obliged to give anything back for it.
Where i had slammed a door, locked it and thrown away the key, they came along and broke it in...let the light in, cleared the dust and the cobwebs out.
Made me realise that just because i made a mistake on someone, doesn't write me off as hopeless.
And i wouldn't be without them now.
hell, i don't know if this is making any sense...i guess i'm trying to reach you...it's like you're wandering around in some kind of fog...and you need to separate all this advice out that's been thrown at you, and make sense of it.

I don't really need "shoulders" to cry on so much. I tried it so much, and it doesn't seem to help.

I miss the days I had my life in the palm of my hand. Everything feels so impossible now. I never know if I'm making the right decision, that's what. And I regret every decision I make.

I just thought if I change my internal world, everything would follow. But there's so much external stuff that just tugs at me, like righting a wrong, but I don't enjoy the pain it's caused in the tug, I guess I've been stubborn, because I really want a rest from my oversensitive conscience. It's ruining me.

I'd rather just view self-help as a source of amusement and thinking, but not really applying it....doesn't seem to reap the results people really want. There are losers and winners, not everybody can win..

today i just ordered:

1 "Schizoid Phenomena, Object Relations, and the Self"
Harry Guntrip; Paperback; $54.95

1 "The Divided Self : An Existential Study in Sanity and Madness (Penguin
Psychology)"
R. D. Laing; Paperback; $10.50

1 "Self-Analysis"
Karen Horney; Paperback; $10.17

1 "Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization"
Karen Horney; Paperback; $12.21

1 "Our Inner Conflicts: A Constructive Theory of Neurosis"
Karen Horney; Paperback; $10.17

1 "Art & Fear"
David Bayles; Paperback; $10.36

all with the idea of doing a bit of DIY psychotherapy.

does this count?

You are wrong, everyone can win. You might not win all the time but your can't lose all the time either. Even if you don't think about it as much, I bet you have made as many good decisions as you have bad ones.

you're right, I have made good decision, but that doesn't really help my other struggles.

It's too bad we're in a simplistic society that doesn't embrace bad decision..well, the few wise people do. I guess we can all win, depends on who are comptetition is..in that case, it has to be against ourselves.

Maybe I'm insane, but to me a bad decision is just another learning experience.

someone once told me "there are no bad decisions, just decisions with differing consequences."

i know its just a bit trite, but it has helped me.

Originally posted by A Lost Soul
Maybe I'm insane, but to me a bad decision is just another learning experience.

Well, if youre insane, then so am i! Not too long ago, i had a quote in my sig: 'the best experiences come from those things which were mistakes'
or something like that...
i find i learn a lot faster, and a lot harder, if i've screwed up...somehow, it stays with me longer...

What exactly are "Self help" books and what do they consist of?

What exactly are \"Self help\" books and what do they consist of?[/b]

books that help you deal with your problems much like a psychiatrist would, without the whole "now lay down and tell me about yourself"