Thread: Tell me about: You, The Girl, and the Douche.

You fell in love at 13?

Yes, I did.

I think its very common in younger people to get love and a crush mixed up.

Don't you think?

Originally Posted by mrdeano

I think its very common in younger people to get love and a crush mixed up.

Don't you think?

It is, although it's not impossible for younger people to fall truly in love. Not by a long shot...but that's not the issue; the point is that even if it was just a crush, his experience was a crushing one all the same, and he'd like to hear other such "love and loss" experiences.

Unfortunately, I have none to offer at this time. At least none that spring immediately to mind, anyway.

Originally Posted by Lëzen

It is, although it's not impossible for younger people to fall truly in love. Not by a long shot...but that's not the issue; the point is that his experience was a crushing one all the same, and he'd like to hear other such experiences.

Unfortunately, I have none to offer at this time. At least none that spring immediately to mind, anyway.

I doubt it is easy for a young person to fall in love.
I believe that love is an emotion that is built over time, built with experiences with the partner.
Like a flower. Love only blossoms at the end.

mrdeano, I didn't start this topic to argue with you about love. I'm sure on my half that I am in love with her. Anyway, Like Lëzen said, I'm asking for Love and Loss stories...Not debate.

Originally Posted by mrdeano

I believe that love is an emotion that is built over time, built with experiences with the partner.

Which makes even a thirteen-year-old's assertion that he/she is in love with a childhood friend all the more plausible. The OP's words "we have always been good friends" shows that.

Contrary to the popular belief of old fogeys, it doesn't take fifty years for affection to blossom into genuine love. It can take as few as two, believe it or not.

Originally Posted by Lëzen

Contrary to the popular belief of old fogeys, it doesn't take fifty years for affection to blossom into genuine love. It can take as few as two, believe it or not.

Not.

It can take very little time, but someone at 13 doesn't have enough emotional development to truly feel love or understand it. There is a big difference between love and infatuation, and most people can't seem to differentiate from the two.

A 13 year old is not mentally/intellectually, or emotionally developed to understand the concept of 'romantic' love or feel any more than infatuation.

That said, shes someone you like. That you have a crush on. And she does things you don't like. Get fucking used to it. That's life. She will continue to do it and you will continue to be powerless to do a damn thing about it. And guess what? You will like other girls, and the same thing will happen. It's going to happen now. It's going to happen later. It's going to continue happening to guys all over the world for time infinitum. Better get used to it.

A girl has a close guy friend. The guy is interested in her, but she sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an asshole. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Ladder Construction

Now for the core of the theory. Since everyone you meet has a rating, it is only natural to stack them up on a ladder.

Let's look at the ladder of some example man.



So it should be self-evident, if you are following this at all, that the people you want to have sex with the most will be at the top of the ladder. Descending down to the bottom of the ladder we pass the following people:

1. The people we really want, who may even be out of our league, are on top.
2. Then come the people we like.
3. Moving further down we pass the people who we would fuck if we were intoxicated and would admit to doing it later.
4. At the bottom are the people we would fuck drunk, and would lie about doing it later.

Clinging to the bottom are the girls that are wolf ugly. These are women so ugly you would chew your own arm off to get away rather than fuck them. Usually fake teeth, or the loss of several hundred pounds can move a woman up from wolf ugly.

Now let's take a look at what the typical woman's ladder looks like:

The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.

The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual whores are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.
To fully illustrate the point I'll now examine some common scenarios and their ladder theory explanations. For purposes of these examples Tom will be our boy and Jane will be out girl.
Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She's pretty and seems interesting to talk to. Tom and Jane start haging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn't think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks contact between the two falls off. Jane starts fucking an outlaw biker.
Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the friends ladder. Tom didn't know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked Tom in the head rather than let him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss below. The oulaw biker was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but rather on her good ladder.

Scenario 2: Tom meets Jane. She's cute and seems smart. After an appropriate amount of time he asks her out on a date. She acccepts and they have what seems to be a perfectly nice date. Tom thinks he has a chance with Jane. He asks her out again. She says no, either explicitly or by never returning his phone call. Tom has no idea what the Hell just happened. Jane starts fucking an unemployed alcoholic.
Ladder Theory Explanation: Jane misrepresented which ladder Tom was on. He thought he was on the good ladder because of her acceptance of the date. Mistake. This led to an unintentional ladder jump. He was kicked into the Abyss. In this situation, Jane often wants to stay friends becasue you are so interesting and funny or some shit like that. If this happens you are most likely an Intellectual Whore. I'm sorry. This is most likely to be a ninja-bitch.

Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:

• "You're like a brother to me"
• "You're like a big teddy bear".
• "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
• "You're so nice"
• "Can you help me with my homework"

Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.

You can see that a lot of problems can be avoided(though sadly not problem two) by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances. You can explain that she is too attractive or you can be blunt and say you don't want to bend your "friends" over a table and fuck them, but would rather play poker and go to the races with them, thus disqualifying her from friendship. As long as you are clear. This may scare a girl away. But if it does what would you want with such a skittish little twit anyway?.

Next we'll explore some of the consequences of the ladder and applications in every day life.

http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm

You're fucked bud. Get used to it.

I'm going to request a lock. I didn't make this thread to debate, I made it to ask about Loved and Lost. It's amazing how off topic people here can get just because something isn't what they think.

And you're clearly impatient as you obviously haven't read my whole post, or the whole thread.

TL;DR: You're fucked. This happens to every guy, all the time. Get used to it because there's nothing you can do about it. Also, learn to let go.

Exobyte, that post was amazing.

And for the most part its true.

Creation X, you should be aware that ExoByte was only offering you advice in the form of the ugly truth (which was very entertaining to read, by the way). That's the way it works.

My advice? Don't waste your time. Learn to be happy with yourself. That's when you'll be able to reap some real enjoyment out of life. That's also when you'll be free of emotional exploitation by women who otherwise don't give a rat's ass about you.

Oh, and if it helps, ask yourself this: What do you get out of the relationship you currently have with this girl?

I'm willing to bet the answer is some form of suffering, and nothing positive. You're only hurting yourself. Free yourself from it.

I would assume most people would rather not detail their lost love stories. They're emotionally painful to think about.

Originally Posted by mrdeano

Exobyte, that post was amazing.

Originally Posted by Invader

Creation X, you should be aware that ExoByte was only offering you advice in the form of the ugly truth (which was very entertaining to read, by the way). That's the way it works.

I'm here all week.

I did read the whole thing. But like I said, I didn't post it to judge. I was asking for stories, not explanations. once again, requesting a lock.

If you are trying to talk a girl into dumping her boyfriend so you can date her, you are the douche. Would you want someone rioting up your girlfriend every time you two get in a little fight? Taking advantage of her like that? That is seriously uncool.

I'm not really saying that is what you're doing, since I don't know the situation. I just know a lot of guys who think the are in some movie where they are the "good-guy friend" who never gets the girl. They think they are being there for a girl, when they are really just being a homewrecker. It goes both ways. A lot of girls do this too.

Unless she is being abused and needs a real intervention, respect her decisons. If you really love her, then you must think she has a decent head on her shoulders, and can make her own decisions. Understand that you are on the outside, and probably only hear the "shit talking," the "venting" and her blowing off steam.

Again, I'm not trying to attack you, personally. I'm just using this as an example to rant about a pet peeve of mine

I totally thought this thread was something else because of the name.

Now that I see it, even when you do make it on the other ladder, you're not there for long.

Originally Posted by Creation X

I did read the whole thing. But like I said, I didn't post it to judge. I was asking for stories, not explanations. once again, requesting a lock.

You should take the advice that was given anyway. You don't need that girl to be happy, she's not special, don't cling on to false hopes that eventually she'll become attracted to you.

Originally Posted by mrdeano

I think its very common in younger people to get love and a crush mixed up.

Don't you think?

I agree.

I didn't say I didn't take the advice. now PLEASE stop posting here and lock the thread.

and I don't try to get her broken up, so I'm not being a douche. I never gave you any information leading to that :\

stop posting here, some one lock please.

I disagree... to a point.
When I was 7 years old I FELT love just as fiercely as I do now, if not more so. But the reasons were different as was the level of "responsibility" and maturity.

My first love was a friend from Middle School. We lost touch of each other for a couple of years then ran into each other again. I was madly head over heals for him and wanted him to be my "first". But he was normally a perfect gentleman. Until I was about 16. He talked me into doing him a sexual favor and dumped me the next day. I was devestated.
I ran into him a couple years after that and he had matured a great deal and apologized for his many screw-ups. We could have picked up where we left off but I was pregnant and engaged. We hung out as friends a few times, but then I moved away.

He still has a special place in my heart and to this day both his folks and mine think we'll end up together (hopefully, not seriously). We haven't spoken for about a decade

if you want this thread to be locked you should pm a moderator.

anyway i think you should just take it easy and wait till they break up and your chance is there

Creation X, I think you're being entirely too sensitive. Just becasue you don't like the replies people have and your thread is going the way you wanted it to...you want it locked? Kind of childish if you ask me. I like this thread and the many replies I've read so far within it, but at any rate...

in before lock